Lose You to Love Me
by ismamora07
Summary: It wasn't always like this: destructive. Follow Riley's and Lucas' journey through a toxic relationship. Rucas. AU.
1. Prologue-ish

**A/N: I'm honestly so happy with what this series has to bring. This story follows Riley's and Lucas' relationship and how it becomes toxic. I think that it's important for people to know and read more about toxic relationships because they can be overwhelming and complicated. This series is beyond different from what I've written before and I don't know how this story will perform, but for those of you who are here reading this, buckle up. You're in for a crazy, emotional rollercoaster.  
****Background:   
The idea for this story came from Selena Gomez' Lose You to Love Me. It really spoke to me and the lyrics were beyond inspiring that I decided to write a story about it. On October 27, 2019 I decided to pursue this story and it wasn't until November 2nd when I officially dove into the writing process. ****And now a few months later you guys are finally reading it.**

**Side note: The chapter below is Riley having a conversation with herself and staring at herself in the mirror. **

**Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Prologue-_ish_**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**_rose colored glasses all distorted _**

It wasn't always like this: destructive.

They were once happy. She used to love him deeply, he knew it. They all knew it.

As she sat in her room, reflecting on all the things that happened, she tried to remember the exact moment everything fell apart. She searched through the labrinth of memories in her brain, but hit a dead end. She couldn't pinpoint the moment it all went wrong.

Had she really been blind to it this entire time?

As she stood from the corner of her bed, eyes swollen from all the tears she had shed, seventeen-year-old Rilley Matthews felt alone. The light from her vanity was the only source of light she allowed in her room. The curtains she had once dragged apart had been pulled together, allowing the room to be the darkest possible. Just like her mind, just like her heart.

The mirror did not reflect an image of herself. The girl with the swollen brown eyes was not her. The girl with the messy brown hair, stern expression, flat lips, and broken spirit was not her.

It couldn't be.

"I'm too young to feel this hurt," she whispered. It had been the first thing she said aloud that day. The lump in her throat did not allow her to speak, like it hadn't done so when she had the energy to tell someone about her pain.

She pulled her cardigan down to her elbows and stared at the picture of herself beside the rest of her makeup set. She envied that girl, she envied her life, her happiness, her naivety. The picture beside her only brought her to tears.

It was a picture of _him_.

He was smiling at the camera while she planted a kiss on his cheek. The exact day it was taken felt like a lifetime ago. When the old version of herself existed, when she was in her element.

"You deserve so much better," she said to herself.

Again the reflection in her mirror, was a reflection of a stranger. Like the heartbreak she felt didn't allow her to recognize herself.

"And the worst part about this is... we've been here before," she cried. "We've been here so many times before. Why do we let him? Why do we keep letting him every single time?"

She ran both her hands through her hair, "When he would... when he would get drunk and angry at parties, he'd tell us we were the reason our relationship was the way it is now. He blamed us for every thing that went wrong and we sat through it knowing we didn't have to. We apologized when we shouldn't have and we were there for him even when he wasn't there for us."

"Riley, we have every right to hate him," she revealed. "We have every right to move on and to be happy, but..." she wiped the pool of tears from her eyes and sniffled. "It's so hard. It's _so_ hard."

"Why can't we leave him whenever he gets mad? Why can't we leave him whenever he breaks things? Or when he makes us feel insecure? Why can't we leave whenever _he_ leaves _us_?"

These were questions Riley felt she'd been asking herself for a lifetime now. And just like then, she learned to swallow them down and ignore them. She looked at the polaroids tucked to the edges of her mirror, there were so many of Lucas. So many. She had almost forgotten that they once used to be happy.

"I really have given you so much," she confessed to herself. "And even though I have every reason to be mad at him, I'm not. I'm just tired, tired of him, of it, of everything."

She looked at herself in the mirror, and still, the stranger stared back at her. "My name is Riley Matthews and for the past year and a half I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost friends, I've lost everything I ever cared about and it's been really hard for me lately. Why...?" she paused and looked up at herself. "I fell in love with a boy. He was great and he made me feel good about myself, but then he didn't. And we fell apart. I'm still figuring it out, it's very complicated and I don't think you'll understand, or maybe you will, but it's been rough."

"All this time I've been trying to fix things, I've ignored the insults, I've walked through fire, I've helped him through everything, and it's because I know him, and I know that I know his heart. I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me..."

"Why else would he tell me he loves me?" she asked her reflection. "Because I put him first."

She hung her head and sighed. The burden she was under was too compelling, she wanted to go back to sleep. She wanted to drown in the pool of her heartbreak, in the tears she shedded the past year, and stay there. Where the sun doesn't shine, where she doesn't need to fake a smile, and fix her hair.

A part of her wanted to yell at herself. To tell herself that she needed to snap out of it, she needed not to think about him, and to move on. It was something everybody in her position did and even though her brain yelled at her to do so, her heart was not in it. Her heart was simply not ready to move on.

"Why can't I let him go?" she asked herself, frustratedly. "I've done everything for him! I hate him, remember? He's hurt me."

She gave him months, a year, an opportunity to change his ways, to fix things in their broken relationship, but he hasn't. He refused to. Just when they're at their highest high in their relationship, and he's nice, romantic and protective, she's reminded of how great they can be. But then they come down from the clouds, and he's digging their grave for a tombstone that reads:

_Here Lies Riley's and Lucas' Relationship_

Her eyes met the mirror once more and it reflected an image of a stranger, but somehow, this time there was a little more clarity. "Huh," she said with realization. "I think I just answered my own question..."

All this time she'd been trying to find the answer. The answer to the same damn question she's struggled to acknowledge, but she has now. She knew why.

"And as heartbreaking as it sounds, and as many times as we try to deny it, we can't because it's true," she sniffled. "We don't leave him because we don't love ourselves first..."

"_I_ don't love myself first."

She felt defeated and numb and empty. Through the mirror she was able to see that the clock beside her bed read 3:19am. And there was school the next day. All the thinking she had done had overwhelmed her. She walked back to her bed and slid herself inside the covers where she felt protected. Safe.

Her phone beside her chimed and she reached for it.

The message read:

**Lucas: i miss you**

_Sent two minutes ago._

Riley felt her eyes water and her heart awaken. It had pieced itself back together, beating once again. For him.

**i miss you too**, she had replied.

**A/N: Thank you guys so much if you made it down this far. Official first chapter out Jan 7th, 2020. **


	2. 1: Homecoming

**A/N: I'm so excited that you guys are finally reading the first official chapter to Lose You To Love Me. This story is a crazy one, I can guarantee you that. I knew that this story needed to be told differently from the way it's structured and to the storytelling of it all which is what I aimed for. I feel like this story has become one of the most honest yet frustrating pieces of work I have ever created and released. I hope you guys enjoy. And like always feel free to let me know what you guys think. **

**Katy Kear: Thank you so much dear. **

**KillEmWithKindness02: I know toxic relationships aren't really talked about in this fandom and I kind of wanted to be the first. Your support always means the most to me. So glad you stick around. **

**Guest #1: Enjoy the chapter. **

**Guest #2: I can't answer that just yet, but Lucas is definetely more possessive of Riley than Riley is of Lucas. **

_**ooo**_

**Chapter 1 **

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**we'd always go into it blindly**_

**December 8th, 2002.**

"She's beautiful," Topanga whispered as she caressed her newborn's cheek. The tiny bundle was in her arms, sleeping and she couldn't remember a tie she held anything so valuable before. She turned to her husband, "She's so beautiful."

Cory felt a tear trail down his cheek as he approached his wife, "I can't believe we did it," he said, placing a hand on her little head. "We waited nine months, but you're finally here."

Her little nose started to twitch and her arms began to rise, as if she was reaching for something that was not there. "Look at the face she's making," Topanga smiled, admiring her first cringe.

"She looks just like you," he playfully taunted. Topanga turned to him, barely making an effort to laugh because she did not have the strength. She was extremely tired, but the urge to laugh helped wake her up.

"What should we name her?"

Cory hadn't thought of it. They had spent months trying to find a name for her, but neither held their heart. "What if we don't?" he suggested, again trying to make her laugh.

"I'm serious this time. We need to figure out what we're gonna name her. It's been nine months since we last had this discussion."

They looked at her once again, searching for a name that suited her. "She looks like an Emily."

"I was thinking Katherine."

"What about Shirley?"

She shook her head no, "That's not even a pretty name. Do you like Cassidy?"

"Maybe we shouldn't beat ourselves up over this?" he suggested after hearing the names they came up with. "We can think about this some other day, but now it's important you get some rest."

"I'll sleep when I know what we're gonna name her," she told him. "What about Riley?" her eyes met his, "Riley Matthews?"

Cory didn't hate the name. His eyes traveled down to his daughter, imagining a world where he called her Riley for the rest of his life. It sounded perfect. "I like it. Welcome to the world, Riley."

_**ooo**_

**Years Later...**

Since she was a kid, Riley lived in the same Greenwich Village apartment. Her parents got her everything she ever wanted and raised her to be bright and kind. When she was five, she knew every single story about princesses and could recite every song from the movies. When she stared out her bay window and overlooked the entire city, she liked to think it was her kingdom and she was its princess.

Because of it, the world became a fairytale to Riley. She believed that everything and everyone in it was magical and kind. She vowed to always see the best in people and to never hate anybody.

By the age of seven, she had graduated to ballet. She loved everything about it. The sincerity and unison, it all inspired her. She felt free and happy when she danced and when she performed in front of crowds. She felt like magic herself.

That's where she met Maya.

They instantly became best friends. They bonded over their love for ballet and dresses and tv, they talked about their passions and what they wanted to do when they grew up. When they were eight, Maya got moved into the same class as her. It was a scheme they plotted in secret and it worked. They were able to pull it off because the school's principal was close to her dad and he pulled a few strings in their favor.

That same month, Riley lost her dog Benji and Maya was there to comfort her. The same way Riley was there for Maya when she overheard her parents arguing, the argument became violent and her dad punched a wall out of frustration. It scared her and she cried to Riley about it.

They told each other everything after that.

And when Maya was ten she said to Riley: "My parents are getting a divorce."

The next day during dinner, on a warm summer night, Riley asked her parents, "What's a divorce?"

They were stunned by her question, but tried to answer in the most efficient way, "Well," Topanga began after looking at her husband, "When two married people don't love each other anymore, they separate."

A year later Topanga found out she was pregnant. Riley didn't tell Maya because that same month her parents finalized the divorce and she was heartbroken over it. Instead of telling her the news, she told Maya that just because her parents didn't love each other anymore didn't mean that Riley's love for her was gone too. It was the first time they called each other sisters.

When Riley reached the early age of thirteen, she realized that she wasn't exactly popular. She didn't like it to admit it, but it messed with her confidence. She felt like a background character in a movie and she didn't find anything interesting about it. She was waiting for something to happen with her life, something big and something worth living. Sure, she had her friend Maya to figure out the world with, but there was always something about it that she felt was missing.

To Riley, her life was boring.

The only interesting thing about it was her ongoing feud with Missy Bradford which had developed that Winter. During a talent show, Riley took home the winning trophy for a song she had sung, she didn't know Missy had planned to sing the same song and because Riley performed before her, Missy was left to sing another song, a song she wasn't prepared for.

Riley then became a prime subject to Missy's bullying, Riley didn't know the cause of it then but she learned why a few weeks later. She didn't beat herself up over it, every time she felt bad she had the trophy to show her otherwise. Plus, Maya always had her back.

They were sisters, remember?

And remained that to this day.

_**ooo**_

**Present Day | Junior Year **

**September 20th, 2019**

It was the school's annual homecoming dance and sixteen-year-old Riley Matthews was living her best life on the dance floor. She was accompanied by her best friends Maya and Isadora and together, they danced.

Isadora and Maya were two of the most extroverted people Riley knew. The two of them were the life of any given party and made any given scenario impossible to forget.

There wasn't a moment Riley couldn't remember in which they didn't do anything irrational that either got them into trouble or kicked out of several places. Together the trio were inseparable.

"Nice," Maya said, complimenting Isadora's terrible dance moves. "What about this one?" she said before mimicking the dancing sprinkler.

They both grinned.

A few hours before they had stressed themselves out over what outfit they would wear and what makeup look they would go for, but now they didn't care that they had most likely sweat it off.

The amount of fun they were having was enough to get them through the night.

As the song ended and their feet ached, the trio was prepared to take a breather, but that quickly changed when their favorite song came on.

Purple and blue lights flashed throughout the school's gymnasium and Riley felt a rush of energy run through her entire body.

"Oh yeah," Isadora said as she started dancing again.

"Oh, so we're getting down now?" Maya queried, moving her body. This time they weren't doing it for the laughs, they were dancing to have a good time.

The brunette raised her arms as they swayed against the warm summer air. She was in the center of a crowd and everywhere she looked she could see horny teenagers inches apart from each other. She watched as they kissed tongue to tongue or as girls twerked on their boyfriends, some of them didn't even have to be their boyfriends.

Suddenly, as she danced with great energy and ecstasy, she felt a body press against her. Her eyes turned to Isadora and Maya whose eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights.

"Hey," she heard the muffled voice say. A pair of hands fell on her hips and when she looked up to see who they belonged too, her eyes widened as well.

They were Lucas Friar's hands. _The_ Lucas' Friar.

The school's star of the night. The quarterback of his football team; who had just won their Homecoming game thanks to him.

"Hi," she said back.

Her heart began to race and for a second she forgot how to dance. She could feel his hands grip her perfectly as he danced against her. Her friend's reactions weren't exactly helping her confidence because they were frozen in place, unable to believe that a guy like Lucas had decided to dance with her.

She finally took a breath in and released it, letting her back rest against his chest as she resumed her movements.

Lucas smelled of cologne and mint and every time his hands came into contact with her skin he sent a thrill of energy up and down her spine. He was warm and muscular. "Is this okay?" he whispered in her ear as his hands trailed further down her hips.

She gulped. She'd never done anything like this and she never expected to have; especially in a public place and on a school dance. "Yeah, that's fine."

His body pressed against hers as she spread one arm to caress his cheek. Riley could feel the passion in his grip, she knew girls would kill to be touched the way he was currently touching her, and that only gave her more confidence. As they continued to dance, their feet moved in perfect rhyme. His chin rested on the crook of her neck and her arms gracefully tore through the air.

When they danced she seemed to reject all the silent stares they were receiving. She knew she was being envied, she knew she was being judged but she didn't care.

Her eyes were drunk on fire and she loved every second of it. His arms followed suit with their movements and he knew where to touch her.

He turned her around to face him and they continued to dance. Her waist gracefully jerked against him, when their eyes met he gave her a mischievous smirk and a grin that only made her feel a rush of adrenaline.

When the song came to an end, their lips were inches apart. His nose skimmed her jawline before placing a delicate kiss on her cheek. "Can we talk?" his voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

"Yeah."

His hand intertwined with hers, "C'mon."

As they walked away, Riley turned around to look at her best friend's. They were smiling at her and encouraging her to keep walking with him. Whatever it was, whatever happens, they knew they would talk about this moment for the rest of their high school years.

_**ooo**_

"Did not see that coming," Maya said as she watched Lucas and Riley disappear into the crowd. "Do you think it's finally gonna happen?"

Isadora shrugged, "I have no idea. They've had a thing since like 500 B.C., I wouldn't be surprised if it finally did."

"Did you see the way she was dancing on him?"

"Or the way she was throwing it back?"

They both laughed and began to mimic the moves Riley was doing.

"Hey, why didn't Josh come tonight?" Isadora asked the blonde as they walked to their table. Once they sat down, they rested their feet on opposite chairs and released a deep breath. They didn't realize their legs were so sore.

"He stayed home. He's been super stressed lately with college applications and essays. I didn't want to force him to come. What about Farkle?"

"I told him Josh bailed and he said he'd stay so we can have a girls night. Plus, I'm sure he didn't want to come in the first place. He's probably playing videogames or completing next week's homework assignment. I never know."

Maya laughed. "If you were to tell me he was going to be one of my best friends two years ago, I would've never believed you."

"Like I would've believed you and Josh Matthews were dating."

"Hey, I knew it was coming," Maya laughed. "I've literally had a crush on him since I was thirteen years old."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, massaging their legs and thighs before they were finally ready to dance again.

"What do you think Riley and Lucas are talking about?"

Isadora shrugged. "Don't know, but she'll tell us later tonight."

_**ooo**_

"You're an amazing dancer," Lucas complimented her as they sat in his truck. She was sitting on the passenger's seat wrapped in the jacket he had given her after they stepped foot in his truck - which had dropped in Fahrenheit due to the cold.

"Thank you." Her heart was racing. This was the first time they had talked in person for this long and Riley saw this as a perfect opportunity to get to know a little bit more about him. As they talked, she couldn't help but focus on his smile. She could see his bright teeth every time his lips rose.

He was by all definition: perfect to her.

"It's silly, but I've been trying to get myself to hit you up for the longest time now. I'd see you at school talking to your friends and shit and I'd just stare at you trying to find the right time to come in, but I always talked myself out of it. When I saw you tonight, I knew I had to talk to you. I just had to," he revealed.

The entire time he talked, his green eyes were busy studying hers; he had never seen her this way. She had a strong purple, glittery eyeshadow with stick-on rhinestones that made her look angelic. Her hair was down and curly and from his seat, he could smell her vanilla-scented perfume. "How've you been?"

"I've been good," she responded, pulling his jacket closer to her; hugging herself to stop the shivers. Now that she knew how long he'd been trying to talk to her, it was impossible for her to stop blushing. She was sure she was as red as a tomato. "What about you? I've heard you've been doing good this season, you know, with like football?"

He nodded, "Yeah. We're gonna make it to playoffs this year."

"That's good."

"Hopefully, you'll come and watch me some time? I'd mean a lot to see you there."

"Yeah, definitely. I mean you're the reason the whole school goes."

He smiled, unsure. "Thank you?"

"It was a compliment," she added, looking away because she was sure she embarrassed herself.

"Riley, you know I can't stare at your pretty face when you're looking the other way," he said before placing his hand on her chin and guiding it back to his face. The second his fingers touched her skin, the back of her neck tingled. "See that's better."

There was silence between them. Their eyes were studying each other and for a second Riley was sure they were gonna kiss, but then he pulled away. "You look pretty when you blush."

"I wasn't - " she tried to deny it, but her voice fell flat. When he laughed, she laughed, and for a moment they shared a genuine conversation. Riley found herself staring at his eyes, admiring the conversation they were having. It was moments like those where she didn't want to leave, where she wished she could freeze time and take in every second, every inch, every detail, and live in it forever.

She found herself dancing with him again. He was passionate, it was clear in the way his hands touched her. There was a lot she figured out about him in the way they moved. When he stared at her as their bodies pressed on each other, she _felt_ him. He sought more than just to get to know her, but to be with her in ways lovers do. His lips were soft, just like his hands, and every time he smiled, she could feel the movement in his chin. He'd whisper in her ear, kissing her, and cherishing her.

He was addictive.

"Do you still want to keep dancing?" Lucas asked when the song was over. A slow song began to play and he could tell that she had already started to head back to her seat. He didn't want to stop.

Riley looked down at her hand, he was holding it. She nodded and he moved his hands to her waist, pulling her close to him than she had expected. She wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and rested her head on his chest.

She knew the night was about to end and it saddened her. Would their romantic night on the dance floor live on outside of homecoming? Or would they ignore each other in the hallways as they had done before?

"Lucas," she spoke sincerely. "I had a lot of fun tonight."

"So did I," he revealed.

She loved the way she felt in his grip, he was different than any other guy she had a crush on.

"Hey, Riley?"

"Yeah?" she asked looking up at him. His green eyes were staring intensely at her.

"Do you want a ride home?"

**_ooo_**

"This is me," Riley informed when he parked his car in front of her house. He observed her apartment before laying back on his seat, staring in her direction. "Thank you again... for the ride and for making this a fun night."

"No problem."

Riley gave him a light smile before opening the door, but before she could step out, he stopped her.

"Wait, can we just talk for a minute?" he whispered with such sincerity, his voice made her quiver. "I don't want to let you go just yet."

She was sure she was blushing. It meant a lot to her that he still wanted her company.

"Do you remember eighth grade year?" he asked.

She did remember. The world hadn't met Riley and Maya and it sure wasn't ready for them to take over. "I do. Why?"

"Because I had the fattest crush on you that year. If I hadn't told Zay I don't think I would've ever talked to you. I was too nervous to do anything about it."

She laughed. She remembered everything about the day she found out. She was having lunch with Maya and Zay came running towards them, he sat down beside her and whispered something in her ear. "You told Zay, Zay told Maya, Maya told me..."

"And that's when they made us talk to each other. Like they actually forced us to sit by each other and we were so awkward we didn't know what to say."

"I remember. You started talking about the weather and for some reason I started rambling about horoscopes because I was so obsessed with them back then."

"It's funny, we always knew what to say to each other when we texted. At school we hardly talked, but texting... we could talk about anything."

"Eighth graders, am I right?" she joked. Except it wasn't a joke to her. That behavior had carried all the way until their sophomore year. They would text for a while, then stop for a really long time, then start talking again. It was a cycle.

Lucas smiled when their eyes met, "I just... sitting here and talking to you made me remember how bad I had it for you."

She laughed, "We were kids."

"...with crushes," he finished. "It just took me back to a time when we were innocent, you know? Not that we aren't, it's just that, we have history, Riley."

"We do," she confirmed.

Their eyes locked and for a second Lucas found himself lost in her gaze. He couldn't think and he couldn't concentrate, he just felt a sudden rush of energy and acted on it.

He kissed her.

Riley's brain processed everything as they kissed. She couldn't believe it at first, she was kissing Lucas Friar. When they pulled apart, their foreheads touched and they exhaled for a few seconds, trying to catch the air they had lost. And they kissed again. But this time it was more passionate.

"I should - " she pulled away. "I should get going, my parents are gonna wonder where I am."

"Yeah, totally."

She fixed her hair before opening the door to his truck and stepping out. "Thanks again for the ride."

"No problem. Good night, Riley."

"Night, Lucas."

_**oOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Ahh. Finally it's out. Thank you guys if you made it down here. The future chapters will get better and a plot will start to develop I promise. Thank you guys so much for reading. Let me know what you think. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	3. 2: Yes

**A/N: Welcome to Chapter 2 of LYTLM. Every chapter will begin with a little backstory/introduction of each character in the series that will explain their hopes and their upbringing so you can get to know them a little better. This is Maya's backstory.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Tilly: Yes, there will definitely be some of that going on. It's honestly the reason I wanted Maya and Josh and Farkle and Smackle to have plots in this story because their relationships are what Riley's and Lucas' are supposed to be like in the series, but it's not. There will definitely be something there. **

**Guest: Hope you enjoy!**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**_to love, love yeah; _****_to love, love _**

_**ooo**_

Maya Hart thought love was forever.

As a little girl, she would run to her parent's room in the middle of a storm, knowing all too well their love for each other would overcome everything. They were her protection, from anything - even the cruel in the world.

She loved the way they loved each other. Everything they did, they did together and because of it, she was the happiest little girl in the world.

The day she found out her parents were gonna let her try ballet, she screamed in excitement. From that moment she gave it her all.

She ate, slept, and breathed ballet.

She practiced every day and perfected her routines.

It was her passion and the most rewarding thing in her life because she met Riley Matthews; her best friend.

She pictured herself going far with it, but unfortunately, her dream didn't last forever.

At the age of eight, she walked in on her parent's arguing. She had gotten home a half-hour early because Topanga gave her a ride home from school. It had been the first time she heard her parents yell at each other. They went about their day, pretending as nothing happened, but even Maya noticed that her mom didn't talk to her dad for a day or two.

They were back to being happy after that, and she thought it'd never happen again.

But she was wrong.

As she got older, they started to argue in front of her. She didn't like to hear the yelling and the intense pacing across the house so she stayed at Riley's. Her parents didn't question it and Riley didn't mind, that's why she loved it because they made her feel welcomed and wanted.

She started to hate going home and made any excuse possible to stay at Riley's. She didn't know the reason why, but she loved her company and didn't mind sharing her bed.

For two years, she went back and forth living with the Matthews and her parents.

And the thing she grew to hate the most was that not once did they talk to her about it. Not once did they tell her why they were arguing or sat down with her to tell her things were gonna be okay.

It messed her up.

One night, at her house, Maya woke at four in the morning with a dry mouth. She walked to the kitchen and filled herself a cup of water. As she gulped the drink down, she heard something move from across the room.

She never expected to see her dad walking towards the door with a suitcase in his hands. He was trying to be discrete, but she had caught him. She caught him leaving.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before he tried to say something.

"Just go," she interrupted. She was heartbroken to see what he had resorted to, but she was also angry.

He wanted to say something to her, but he was too embarrassed to stand in front of her and confess his feelings. She was a fragile girl. He turned for the door.

"Wait," Maya's voice quivered. "A-are you coming back?"

There was silence.

"You should get some sleep, Maya. School's gonna start in a few hours."

She must've stared at the door for a long time, hoping he would walk right back in and take her in his arms, that we would kiss her forehead, and tell her she was going to be all right, but it never happened. She knew her mom was sleeping and she didn't have the heart to tell her that her dad had walked out on them, so she went back to bed and cried.

He never came back... at all.

Maya's life changed drastically while her parents were in the process of divorcing. Her mom couldn't afford their home without him so they moved into a smaller apartment on the other side of town. The transition was rough and because of it, she couldn't do ballet.

It also didn't help that her mom was fired from her job a few weeks later and had to get a job as a waitress near their home.

Thankfully Maya was able to overcome the changes in her life. She had her mom and the Matthew's for support and that was all she ever really needed. When Riley's mom opened Topanga's, Katy was the first to be hired. She didn't need to apply or be interviewed, the job was given to her.

Things slowly started picking up for them again. The same year the divorce was finalized, Riley's parents invited them for Thanksgiving.

That's when Maya met Josh for the first time. He was standing there with little Auggie and he was as adorable as can be.

She won't admit it, but Josh was her first crush. The first boy she had real feelings for.

They were awkward at first, but sure enough, they eased into a relationship.

And they fell in love.

Josh made her feel happy and good about herself. When they were together, time froze; time was non-existent. She felt like her world had aligned with its other planets like he had given her the stars without taking her to space. In a way, his love replaced the one her dad was unable to give her.

And somehow that was everything.

_**ooo**_

Maya walked through the crowded hallway to get to her locker the Monday after Homecoming. She dropped off her books and picked up a notebook she would be needing for her first-period class; chem. Her least favorite among all other courses offered at their town's high school.

As she closed her locker door shut, she felt a pair of hands on either side of her hips before a warm body pressed against hers. "Hey, babe," she said feeling his kiss on her cheek.

"Hey," Josh greeted. "You got Kimbs, right?"

She nodded, waving her notebook for him to see.

"C'mon, I'll walk you." He extended his arm for her to take, "How was the dance?"

"Boring; like aways, but Isadora and I made the most of it."

He wasn't surprised. "You girls normally do."

"How are your college apps coming?"

Josh's lips slowly fell flat. He didn't know how to answer her. "Great..." In reality, he was stressed. The fact that he was planning for his life outside of high school was a lot for him to handle and it got him overthinking things he didn't know he should've been stressing about. "Great," he answered her. "I'm feeling pretty confident."

Maya noticed the sudden hesitation, but she didn't question it. She was happy for him. "That's really great to hear, Josh."

They continued to walk towards her class, passing students Maya had never met before, let alone seen in a while. "Oh, right, I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night, I fell asleep working on my essay for Whitman. He's difficult."

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. To be honest, I forgot too."

They exited the main building and stepped into the science wing, "Are we still on for lunch? I was thinking maybe we could meet at your car? For some reason, that's faster for me and it saves time too."

"Actually," Josh began once they stopped in front of her classroom, "I can't do lunch today, there's something I need to do, but can I see you after school? We kind of need to talk about something."

"Uhh. About?"

"We'll talk after school, okay?"

She furrowed her brows, "Y-yeah, I guess."

"Cool," he said taking a step back. "I'll see you then."

As she watched him go, she wondered why he couldn't tell her what he wanted them to talk about then and there. It must've been important if it had to wait till they were alone to talk about it. She began to grow anxious and nervous and she didn't know what to do with herself. As she sat down on her seat she found herself distracted from the lesson plan her chem teacher had gone over.

All she thought about was Josh.

Sure it could've been something simple, but it was so unlike him to want to wait to tell her.

She felt stuck and convinced herself something bad was gonna happen.

_**ooo**_

"Oh no, she's thinking," Isadora said the second she and Riley joined Maya for lunch. She was fresh out of psyc class and ready to help her friend through any challenge she was currently facing.

Maya sat in one of the outside lunch tables, head resting on her hand, playing with her food. She was distracted, but it wasn't until she saw them sit that she snapped out of her trance. "What? No, I was just..."

"Thinking?" Isadora suggested. "C'mon, you can tell us. What's on your mind?"

She set her fork down and sighed, caving like she normally did when she was with them. "Josh said he wants to talk after school."

"Ouch," the brunette remarked.

"What?" Riley asked.

"Wait, wait, wait, how did he say it? It's all in the way he said it. Was he like 'Maya we need to talk' or 'Maya we need to talk' in a serious tone?"

"He sounded kind of serious," the blonde revealed.

"Oh, you poor thing."

"I'm confused. Why is that bad?"

"He wants to break up," Isadora informed the naive brunette.

"Break up?" Riley questioned, bewildered. "You got all of that from a 'we need to talk'?"

They nodded.

"You girls are overreacting," Riley stepped in, "Maya, it can literally be anything. It doesn't mean you should be worrying about it this much."

Maya wanted to believe that was true. She was overthinking it, she knew that but part of her felt like this was really something else. If he really wanted to have a serious talk with her, it would most likely concern their relationship. And he'd been giving her weird vibes like he wasn't necessarily comfortable in their relationship.

"Think about it, Riley. If it wasn't serious why couldn't he just tell her then and there?"

"There can literally be a million reasons why," she pointed out.

"Should I text him?" Maya asked.

"No. Wait it out. It's best to act naive at times like this."

"Okay, well, if you guys aren't going to listen to me then let me know when I prove you right."

"No offense or anything Riley, but... you're like the only single one here. As in never had a boyfriend." Isadora said. "What would you know?"

"Josh is my uncle and I know that he is high over heels for you, Maya," Riley told her. "Trust me, he's not going to break up with you."

She took comfort in this and prayed she was right. She wouldn't know what to do had Josh broke up with her. "Okay, but can we not talk about this? It's only gonna make me stress about it more. Anyways, how'd it go with you and Lucas?"

Riley smiled. "Well..." she tried her best to calm her excitement, she didn't want to show them how happy she was a guy like Lucas had taken an interest in her. "We talked and he brought up the time he had a crush on me in middle school. Then he offered to take me home and when he did, we...kissed."

"Shut up," the both of them said in disbelief. "You kissed him?!"

She nodded.

"Finally."

"Is he a good kisser?"

"He's passionate," Riley revealed. "And he's sweet."

"So is this like serious? Are you guys talking? Like _talking talking_?" the brunette asked, excitedly.

"I mean, yes. Right? We've kissed, we know how we feel about each other, I would say we are."

"Do you think it could be more this time?" Isadora queried.

"No clue. This could just be another one of our talking phases. We've done this before, don't you guys remember?"

**A Brief History of Riley's and Lucas' _Talking_ Phases**

Riley found out about Lucas' crush on her eighth-grade year.

His best friend, Zay, told Maya about it and Maya - being the biggest gossip girl in the world - told Riley who, in return, liked Lucas too.

During lunch on a warm Tuesday afternoon, a bunch of Lucas' friends pushed him towards Riley's direction and refused to leave them alone until they started talking. They wanted them to date since they liked each other.

They were awkward, like _cringe_ awkward, but they made it work.

Lucas didn't know what to say, Riley didn't know what to do, so she started talking about the only thing she knew at the time: horoscopes. Lucas was able to pick up on a conversation through that and they made the most out of what they could.

That same night, Lucas texted Riley and they talked for five hours. She learned things about him she never knew and she told him things about herself she didn't think she needed to. It was different for them when they didn't have look at each other, they preferred staring at their screen like millennials. When the clock reached 2 a.m., Riley knew she had to end the conversation.

They didn't talk at school the next day. Their friends _ooohed_ when they talked to each other, but besides that, they didn't make any effort to see each other or talk.

Riley thought it was over. She thought they had their day together and he would move on, but the opposite happened. He texted her again, that same night and asked her what she was up to and she responded. They did this every day for months.

Then, like nothing, they stopped.

Riley figured they outgrew it and would never go back to it, so she moved on.

Until their freshmen year came and they had rekindled their romance; through text. They were on and off, and this behavior continued to this day.

If you asked anyone at this school, who was Riley's and Lucas' soulmate, they would respond with _each other._

No matter how many people they dated, their entire school knew that they were meant for each other. They were the school's unofficial couple at some point, whether it's sooner or later, they were gonna date.

"I don't know girl, this time sees different."

Riley's phone chimed and when she looked at her screen, she saw a text from Lucas.

**do you want a ride home**

She felt herself smile.

Just then, Farkle sat beside them. He had been their friend since freshman year and they were extremely close to him, especially since he was there for Isadora when she was going through a hard time. They bonded on another level and it only connected them. Somehow, through it all, Isadora and Farkle managed to catch feelings for each other and their relationship blossomed since then.

"Hey, babe," he said, kissing her in the cheek.

"Hey. How was AP physics?"

"Easy, like always."

"Oh, yeah, piece of cake," Maya said sarcastically, understanding very well she would've failed that class if she took it.

"Oh, I didn't see you there Maya," he had responded with the same level of sarcasm. "Still failing Math 1?"

"Actually no. I raised my grade to a D, as a matter of fact."

He laughed at her.

"Laugh all you want. A D is a passing grade and I'm happy about it."

Riley stared at her phone, deciding what she would tell him. She must've looked at the text for a few seconds before responding to him with a simple yes.

_**ooo**_

Lucas waited in his truck in the student parking lot. He was staring at Riley's response, smiling at the fact that Riley had agreed to let him take her home. He decided to send her a picture of himself knowing all too well she would struggle with a response, he thought it was cute when she did this.

"You got the stuff?" Zay Babineaux asked after opening the door to his truck and sitting down in the passenger's seat. He had been waiting for his friend's text for an hour now and he was confused about the late response.

"Yeah, it's right here," he said before bringing the sandwich bag into view.

"Yeah, baby, we on tonight," he hollered before taking the bag and smelling its content. "Who'd you buy the weed from?"

"Charlie Gardner," Lucas answered. "He's cool, plus, he gives me this shit for free."

"Dope," Zay added before hiding the stash in the glove compartment. "Hey, can you take me home after school?"

"Sorry, bro, I can't. I'm already taking Riley home."

"Riley?" he asked, surprised. "You're taking her home?"

He nodded.

"Is it serious this time?"

"I want it to be, yeah," he confirmed. "It's different this time around, _she's_ different. I think I want us to be more."

Zay didn't say much. He had been through this entire Rucas cycle since middle school and if he was honest, he thought it would never happen unless Lucas came to his senses. He was a little surprised that time was now.

"She looked so fucking fine on Friday," he said remembering the exact outfit and makeup she was wearing. "I never in my life thought she could look like that. She's," he smiled. "She's something else, I know she gets down."

"If I didn't know any better I'd say Luckey Pookey's in love," Zay joked.

He shook his head no, "She's pretty yeah, but I don't think I could fall in love with her. I don't do that."

"Whatever man, when she's got you whipped don't come crying to me."

"Get out of here," he said playfully pushing Zay out his truck. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Why not tonight?" he said gesturing towards the glove compartment where he hid the stash. "Mary and Juana need some company."

"I'll hit you up, okay."

"All right, late," he said before closing the door and heading back to school.

Lucas looked at his phone to see if Riley had responded to the picture she sent him. To his surprise she had, and her very sarcastic response read:

**_careful. might fuck and around and make it my wallpaper. ;)_**

He laughed. There was something about her that he really liked, she was different than the rest of the girls and he couldn't tell what it was. He just hoped their relationship didn't hit a dead-end before it could go anywhere.

_**ooo**_

Maya anxiously walked to the student parking lot after the final bell of the day rung. She watched as other students smiled because they could finally go home while she mentally and emotionally prepared herself for terrible news.

She had spent the entire day wondering what Josh could be wanting to tell her and she had no other ideas. He wanted to break up and she knew it in her heart he did.

She stood by his car now and she could see him inside of it, he was staring at what she assumed was his phone and she began to feel sad.

When she entered his car she poured her entire emotions. She told him about her suspicions and that she was aware he wanted to break up with her, she told him she was heartbroken and sad that he chose to do something like that on a Monday and at school and continued to bash him for his terrible timing. When she ran out of things to say for that, she complained about this lack of communication and how he waited to break up with her to tell her that he had been losing feelings for her and feeling like their relationship was not enough for him anymore. She felt herself start to cry when she realized that he would no longer be in her life anymore and it upset her. She breathed and let herself compose, it was a lot for her to rant about something so personal but she was glad she did. She just didn't know what Josh would say.

"What are you talking about?" he questioned with complete confusion. "Where did all this come from?"

"W-what?"

"Who said I wanted to break up with you?"

"I j-," she stopped. "I just assumed."

"Maya I said I wanted to talk. Not break up."

She felt herself smile and a weight lift from her shoulders. "So you're not breaking up with me?"

"No," he confirmed. "No. I still want to date you."

She reached for his hand, "I don't know why I overreacted. I'm so sorry, I just freaked out when you said you needed to talk. It's so unlike you to want to wait to tell me something. I," she placed her hand on her forehead, "Can we just forget that I totally embarrassed myself and move on from this?"

"Deal," he nodded before kissing her cheek. "We're not breaking up anytime soon, babe. Promise."

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

"...I wanted to ask you if you could come with me to visit Pennsylvania State," he informed. "It'd be a weekend trip and we'd get to see the campus. It'd mean a lot if you were there with me."

She smiled, "I'd love to, Josh."

**_ooo_**

"Matthews," Lucas called out from across the hallway the following Wednesday. A few heads turned in his direction before looking back at Riley then smiling. She found it odd, but she didn't question it. She learned not too many times.

"What's up, Friar?" she casually asked him, leaning back on her locker.

"Not much, just feel like today is gonna be an awesome day," he said before taking her books from her hands. "What class do you have next?"

"Boyce."

"Really? Isn't she difficult."

Riley nodded, "Yeah, she is. Extremely, but she's an AP teacher and I'm not gonna get any college credits if I don't take her class so... Plus, she's single and owns cats so something tells me she's angry all the time because she's sexually frustrated."

He laughed, "C'mon, I'll walk you."

"Oh, Lucas, you don't have to. The bell's gonna ring I don't want to make you late."

"No, c'mon, don't worry about that. I want to walk you."

She nodded, hiding the fact that she was extremely nervous and blushing at the fact that he wanted to do something like that for her. This was the first time they publicly talked at school and it was a monumental moment in their relationship.

"Hey, is it cool if I kick it with you at lunch?" he asked his gaze on her. Those green eyes stared intensely at her, they were enchanted with the purest of magic and there was no resisting them.

She smiled, "Yeah."

"What's your sixth period?"

"Masuda," she answered. "In the C-wing."

"I'll meet you there. Is that cool with you?"

"That's fine.

"And then I'll see what you do at lunch. Do you stay on campus?"

"Yeah, I just hang with my friends, but if you wanna go somewhere we can. We don't have to stay."

"No, we'll stay. It'll give me time to get to know your friends."

She smiled once again. Lucas was a sweet guy, he was kind and caring and she loved that in a person. She knew she was letting herself fall for the right guy. "Well, here we are," she said as they stood by the door to her classroom. "Thank you for walking with me, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to," he said before handing back her books. "I'll see you during lunch, okay?"

"Okay."

Fith and sixth periods passed. When the bell rang dismissing them for lunch, Riley stepped out of her class and sure enough, Lucas was there. He was waiting for her. He searched the crowd with such sincereness and when his eyes landed on hers, he smiled.

She felt her heart tingle with such happiness that she forgot to walk towards him.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, c'mon."

Riley spent the entire lunch admiring Lucas and the way he was able to talk to her friends. He was very social and very funny which, she thought, were some of his brightest characteristics.

Her friends seemed to take a liking into him and it made her happy that they were able to casually talk to him like he was their friend. Even Farkle joined in on the conversation even though his intelligence easily outmatched them all.

She never imagined that he'd spend an entire day with her, especially at school since this was something they had never done before. It was unlike him to hang out with her when he could've been with his friends, but she was glad he did. She got to know him a little better because of it.

When lunch came to end, Lucas asked her to meet him at his truck so he can take her home. He seemed happy to do so and Riley couldn't tell why.

"Got everything?" he asked her the second she met him after school.

"Yeah."

She got in the truck and he drove to her home.

The entire ride he was smiles and laughter and she couldn't tell why. She thought it was cute but his happiness was beyond what she imagined for a Wednesday afternoon.

"You're okay, right?"

"Matthews, you have no idea how okay I am," he informed her before parking his truck in front of her apartment. "I had a lot of fun with you today. Your friends are amazing."

"Thank you."

"Wait, but before you go," he added when she had opened the door to his truck, "I wanted to ask you something."

She stared at him and waited for the words to come out, but she could tell he was struggling. In a way, she could tell what he was trying to ask her, but she didn't want to get ahead of herself and misinterpret the situation. She really hoped he was going to ask her what she had hoped.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

She mentally screamed with excitement. In her head, she had thrown an entire rave with bright neon colors and she was high in love, she had the energy of a thousand RedBulls and could run a mile in a minute.

Physically, she was calm and relaxed.

"Yes," she answered. Yes, she said to the relationship and memories he would bring. Yes, she said to all the beautiful emotions he would make her feel. Yes, she said to all the lessons he would teach her. Yes, she said to it all; to him.

_**ooo**_

Isadora opened the door to her home and greeted her parents. She set her coat on the hanger and dropped her backpack off in her room before walking towards the kitchen to help her mom.

"Hi, sweetie. You're home early, did you walk here?"

"I got a ride," she told her mother. She opened the drawer near the kitchen table and began to take the plates out.

"Did Maya bring you?"

She paused for a few seconds before answering, "Actually, it was Farkle."

Upon saying this, both her mom and dad turned in her direction. She felt their gaze on her and she didn't know how they would react.

"Is this Farkle a boy?" her dad asked.

She nodded, "You've met him before. The both of you. He was in the same debate team as me a few months back."

"Is he a friend?"

"Yeah, yes. He is," she lied. "Farkle and I are just friends."

"Okay," her mom responded. The tension in the room easily wore off and she could feel herself breath, "Honey, can you get the salt from the pantry?"

She turned on her feet and headed for the pantry. While she was in there she could feel her heart stop racing and the feeling in her hands return, she had pinched them so hard to keep herself from feeling as nervous as she was.

She searched for the salt and when she found it, she saw her reflection in the mason jar her mom uses to keep the pasta.

She stared at herself for a minute. She was no longer wearing the shirt she took to school, she had placed her cashmere sweater over it and her hair was in a bun. She couldn't have it down, her parents would yell at her for it. She was wearing the glasses she no longer needed and she felt like she was staring at a stranger. She took a long, deep breath and returned to the kitchen.

"What'd you learn at school today, sweetie?"

"Uh, just, more on rhetoric analysis. Not much," she told her parents. "There's going a field trip for Bio in a few weeks, I have the permission slip if you guys would like to sign - "

"Hey, where's your cross necklace?" her mom asked when she noticed that her daughter didn't have it on.

"What?"

"Your necklace? Did you take it off?"

She placed her hand on her chest to feel if it was there when it wasn't her eyes shot wide. "It's...um...it's actually in my backpack. Yeah, I took it off because we had a lab in Physics today and I didn't want anything to happen to it so I...took it off."

"Can you put it on, honey? You must have it with you at all times, okay?"

She nodded. "Yes, mom. I'll be right back."

_**ooo**_

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday passed and Riley spent every second of those days texting and talking to Lucas over the phone. This was the most they ever talked and she was happy they finally got the chance to get to know each other more than they already did. He was extremely funny and energetic that every second she wasn't talking to him, she missed it deeply.

That Saturday night, while waiting for Lucas' response, Riley fell asleep.

The following morning, she checked her phone to see if he had responded and he hadn't. She didn't think much of it, but then another day passed and he hadn't returned her calls.

On Monday morning, she searched for him at school and he wasn't there. She looked for him, but she saw so sign of him. She called him once again and he didn't answer. She thought something had happened and she tried to find a way to justify his sudden disappearance, but it pained her that he would just abruptly stop talking to her.

As she gave up on her search and concluded that he probably wasn't even there, she walked towards Maya and Isadora who would surely be in the main hallway. When she opened the door, she was caught off guard.

Lucas was there, talking to another girl.

And she was stuck wondering why he hadn't texted her back.

_**oOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading. This chapter gives you kind of an inside look on Isadora and a little, tiny bit amount of Lucas. Always feel free to let me know what you think. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	4. 3: Prince Charming

**A/N: During these past few days I have dedicated myself to finishing the first half of the series and I can finally say that I have done just that. So many things are coming in these next few weeks and I can't wait till you guys read it. I had to break one chapter up into two parts because of its length. So that means you guys are getting an extra chapter than I originally planned. AHHH! So excited!**

**This chapter is Lucas' backstory. This one is DEFINITELY interesting and you guys will get to learn a little more about him. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Dancing Goddess: You're welcome, beau.**

**lovelylehanna: Thank you so much.**

**HideAndSeekCat: The entire point of the backstories for every character was so you guys could understand them a little more. They each have goals and talking about their past shows what that is. There's an interesting approach to Maya and Josh's relationship, she values her relationship with him because he's the only that hasn't disappointed her and the only guy she loves. The last guy in her life walked out on her and she doesn't want the same to happen with Josh. I hope I didn't confuse you, I suck at explaining things. I wanted to give Isadora an interesting plot because I wanted to pay attention to her characters, there's more to her that's gonna develop in the latest chapters. Lucas doesn't have a drug problem, he just does it from time to time. There's won't be anything to it, but you're gonna want to stick around for chapter 9, you'll see a lot more to him then.**

**Kayla: Same girl, same.**

**Tilly: There's more to Maya and Josh's relationship that is coming. You'll need to stick around. There are many ways Lucas becomes toxic, you'll see in this chapter just why.**

**Guest: Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 3**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**...**

_**ooo**_

Mark and Anne Elizabeth Friar wanted the best for their son Lucas. When he was four years old, his parents moved to a different neighborhood so that he could enroll in a better school district than the one they were in before.

They would watch him sleep like a baby and map out an idea of the lifestyle their son would pick up. They fantasized over the amount of joy and dreams their son would accomplish as he conquered the world.

To ensure their ideal child would live up to their expectations, Mark and Anne made him play sports at a very young age. He was to play every single sport offered at their school and be consistent with them.

He proved himself capable every time he was on the field and by the age of seven, he grew to love football. He'd watch games with his dad on their TV and he'd learn every single position and ask questions because he was deeply interested.

When he was eight and his older brother was eleven, Lucas began to notice that his parents rarely talked to each other. During family dinners, their attention would never be on each other, but their sons. He thought it was weird, but he never questioned it.

They were a small, happy family.

Or so he thought.

When Lucas was nine, he accidentally threw a football into the house's power generator. He caused more damage than he thought and blew out the entire power their house provided. This cost his parents thousands of dollars and as a result, Mark Friar hit his son for the very first time.

Lucas had a few bruises all over his body and a cut on his lip. He cried the entire time and his mom helped him clean off his wounds. She told him to never speak about it to anyone.

So he didn't.

Instead, he began to see his dad differently. The older he got, the more he started to see just how emotionally unavailable his dad was. He never expressed love, compassion, or vulnerability, he just bottled it all up and ignored it.

Lucas noticed that his dad made his mom do everything, like clean, cook, and pick him up from school, the only time his dad really did anything for him was when it came to sports. He never showed to any of his science fairs or his back to school nights, but sure enough, he was there - front row seat - on the bleachers during his games.

By the age of thirteen, he was aware of his estranged relationship with his dad. They had never shared a special father-son moment that didn't concern sports or athleticism. They never said 'I love you' to each other, they never hugged, never laughed together, never did anything a father and a son do and Lucas resented him for it.

He hated his parent's conservative views. He hated their closed-minded opinions and disliked their entitlement. During the 2016 presidential election, his parents cheered for Donald Trump's win. Lucas didn't know much about politics but we was confident they were cheering on the same racist, misogynistic president that popped up on TV.

He started to realize where his mom fell on the family patriarchy. She wasn't above them like his dad, she was at the bottom. His mom obeyed his dad, she listened to everything he said and everything he said went, his mom never stood up to him, she never defended him whenever his dad would get him in trouble or hit them.

She just waited till he was done so she could help him with the first aid kit.

He grew to resent her too. After all, a mother who doesn't step in to protect her children was just as bad as the abusive father.

Even though Lucas felt distant from his dad, he was scared of him. His dad was hard-headed and strong, and intimidating and Lucas hated to admit it, but he took after his father in many ways, especially with his behaviors.

He started to love spending time with his grandpa. Whenever his parents went out on dates and dropped him off at his house, Lucas felt like he was going somewhere he could finally feel free. He liked it because Pappa Joe took the time out of his day to be there for him. He listened to Lucas when he spoke about things that weren't sports, he listened when Lucas felt sad and frustrated and because of it, he began to see his grandfather as more of a father than his _actual_ father.

Papa Joe made Lucas feel protected. He made him feel loved.

When Lucas started dating in middle school, he took pride in the number of girls that called him cute. In the summer going into his freshmen year, the gym visits and sports games had finally paid off and physically changed Lucas' body. The muscles and abs came in, making him more attractive to girls than he already was.

He lost his virginity a few months later to a junior he never spoke to again.

His dad showed genuine pride for him when he got moved to play for the varsity team and showed it again when Lucas broke his school's record for the most scored touchdowns by a student in their school's history.

He wanted to make his dad proud, to please him because even though he still blamed him for fucking up their relationship, he felt the need to prove he's worthy.

By sophomore year, Lucas had dated thirteen girls and nearly had sex with them all. He liked the attention he received from them, except he never let the relationship last. He cheated on a few of them and got bored with some so he would cut them off. Never told them why never gave them an explanation, he just...ended it.

His friends didn't do much to change this behavior, instead, they encouraged it, especially Jacob who was the most outgoing of them all.

At their school's homecoming dance, Lucas felt like he was on top of the world. He was the reason Zay scored the winning touchdown and he was feeling confident; plus the alcohol had taken effect.

Before the dance, Lucas left for a few minutes to get drunk with some of his friends and when he returned, he found himself eyeing Riley Matthews.

The same girl he had a crush on since middle school. The same girl he would always hit up when he wanted to start a serious relationship, but then ghosted her for a few weeks; sometimes months because he wasn't ready to commit.

The summer going into their sophomore year, Riley and Lucas had revived their relationship. They texted for a while, but just like other times, they fell short. This time around she was the one that didn't respond to him, he didn't mind it, it's not like she was the only girl he had a fling with at the time, but a part of him didn't like that she had ended things with him.

He was so used to doing it to her.

He went about his life for a while, not thinking of her. He didn't look at her in the hallways, he never really paid attention to her either.

Until Homecoming.

Riley was dancing gracefully under the purple lights and he couldn't help but admire her. He never realized how beautiful she was until then. He knew he had to dance with her.

When he dropped her off at her house and they started talking, he saw something in her that he hadn't seen before. He reminded her of their past because he knew it was something she wanted to hear. He knew she liked him and he liked her, so he did what a guy does best.

He told her what she wanted to hear because it made him seem warm and romantic and that's what every girl liked in a guy. He knew he'd have her wrapped around his finger in a second.

He decided to text her the next day and she responded, he knew she would, he was Lucas Friar after all.

Before they started dating, Lucas was talking to three other girls from a different school. He was flirting with them and had gone on a date with one of them, but he cut them off when he and Riley started dating.

He didn't know what it was about her that made him feel different. He spent a few minutes thinking about it but then it hit him, Riley had awakened the feelings she once made him feel a while back.

When it came to things Lucas cared about, he'd do his best not to fuck it up.

And if he was going to date Riley Matthews, he was gonna do it right.

_**ooo**_

**September 30th, 2019**

Riley found herself staring at Lucas from the opposite side of the hallway. He was talking to another girl while she leaned her back against her locker, twirling her hair with her index finger.

She didn't understand why he had ignored her all of Sunday. He didn't respond to any of her texts or calls, but suddenly had the time to talk to other girls at school. It confused her.

She decided to approach him.

"Hey," she said unsure. The second she had said that the girl walked away and Lucas' smile widened.

"Hey, babe," he greeted, kissing her cheek.

Lucas wore a black shirt that complimented his muscles and blue jeans to complete his look. He looked great and she could feel the butterflies in her stomach fly.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, mirroring her confusion. "Why? Did something happen?"

"No," she informed. "No not at all, it's just that, you haven't been texting me back I thought something happened."

"Right," he said as he had suddenly remembered something. "Riley, I'm sorry. My phone started acting up on Saturday. It wouldn't turn on so I stopped using it. I should've told you."

She felt stupid for overreacting and spamming his phone. Now, she felt embarrassed. "You're fine, Lucas. I just...I don't know. It's cool, don't worry about it."

"Okay," he nodded. "C'mon, you don't want to be late to your first period," he said before walking with her to class.

**_ooo_**

"Hi mom," the blonde greeted before taking a seat on one of the stools at Topanga's.

"Hi, sweetie. What are you doing here?" Katy asked as she waited on the orders from college students and older people that normally consisted of their customers.

"Just wanted to say hi before I go off to school," she said before adding, "And I'm also craving a bagel."

"It's like I knew," her mom casually said before placing an already prepped bagel before the blonde.

"You know me so well," she said knowingly. "But there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is it?"

"I thought Josh and I were gonna break up yesterday," she informed her mom. She watched as her eyes widened, but quickly reassured her. "We didn't."

"Well, why would you think that?"

"Because I've been noticing that for a few days he seemed kind of off. And just yesterday he told me that he needed to talk. So knowing me, I freaked out and complained to Riley and Isadora."

"So he didn't break up with you?" she asked for reassurance. "Then what did he want to talk about?"

"He wanted to see if I could go with him to Pennsylvania State in a couple of weeks. We don't know the date just yet, but when the opportunity comes up...can I go?"

"I don't know, Maya. Does he even know how to drive out of state?"

"Mom, Josh is a great driver. And responsible at that, I'll be fine. You know you don't need to worry about me when I'm with him."

That was true. Josh had proven he was responsible on many, many occasions. She trusted him around her daughter. "Okay. Yes, you can go, but you'll need to check in with me every other hour. Got it?"

"Got it," she confirmed before giving her mom a kiss and enjoying her bagel.

"Hey, shouldn't you be at school?"

"I should, but..." she shrugged, "Kind of don't want to."

"Yeah, well you're gonna want to when your grades start slipping. Come on, get up, or else you're not going."

**_ooo_**

Farkle sat on the corner table in the back of the school's library. He preferred it that way because not many students walked back there and it was peaceful.

As he studied his notes and completed his online assignments, he couldn't help but overhear a conversation that was happening behind the bookshelf that was placed near his table. It was two girls talking in discrete, but their conversation was clear enough for him to hear perfectly.

"I just can't believe they've been lying to me this entire time. I feel like I've been living a lie."

"What'd they say when you confronted them?" the other one said, Farkle assumed it was her friend.

"They denied it," the girl said, her crying grew louder and he could tell she was hurt. "Like I caught them in a lie and they continued to lie."

"I wish I knew what to say, Kira. This is some tough shit."

"I think I just need a break from them. For a week or so, I need time to process this. Hey, can I stay at your place?" Kira asked. She sounded hurt and vulnerable and needed to be comforted.

"Yeah, girl. You can stay as long as you'd like."

"Thanks. I just," he could hear her breaths, "I don't even know what to call them anymore. Like do I call them mom or dad or Stephen and Nancy... I don't know what to do."

"We can talk about this tonight, okay? I'll help you."

"Thank you, Em" he heard them hug. "I just wish I had looked into it sooner, you know? I would've found out I was adopted long before now."

"Hey. Hey!" Em called out. Farkle then found her staring at him, "Do you mind?"

He quickly looked away, feeling embarrassed. When he saw that they were leaving, he resumed his studying.

**_ooo_**

"All right, dickwads, listen the fuck up!" Missy Bradford called out impatiently to the hoard of students in the quad. "In tradition of John Adams High School, we're gonna get pumped up!"

Students from around the quad began to cheer and gather among the amphitheater. Missy stood center stage with yet another dreadful lunchtime activity since she was Senior class president and head cheerleader she made everything sports-based which was the reason Riley, Isadora, and Maya hated them so much.

She stood towards the side of the crowd with Lucas who seemed all too interested in the activity. Riley thought so, he was the school's varsity quarterback after all.

"I think we all know this game pretty well," Missy said gesturing towards the four undressed mannequins. "We need two volunteers from the football team, so do we have any brave volunteers?"

The crowd fell silent and nobody raised their hands. "Seriously?" she questioned. "Now ya'll decide to go mute. Really?"

There was silence.

"Okay, fine," she gave up. "Friar, Babineaux get up here. You guys are playing Dress the Mannequin."

Lucas and Zay were the two most outgoing football players in their school so it made sense for Missy to call on them. As they both walked up towards the stage, the students cheered, "The fastest to finish will need to raise the school's flag"

They nodded.

"GO!"

Riley watched as Lucas ran to his bin and scattered through pieces of clothing looking for the right clothes to dress both his mannequins with. In no time, he had dressed one of the mannequins.

Throughout the entire game, Riley watched how much students ate this entire lunchtime activity up. They adored and praised football and its players too much and she would never understand why.

"Ugh," Isadora said, expressing her disgust as she stood beside her.

"Tell me about it," Riley agreed. They disliked this kind of stuff on a mutual level.

"What are they doing this time?" she asked before looking up at the stage. "Oh, they're dressing a mannequin? The same thing as last year, got it. Hey, at least we can say your man is up there this time."

"Yeah," Riley assured with a smile. "He sorta loves these kinds of things."

"Ooh girl, wait till he finds out why you don't," she laughed. "Well, guess we got to cheer him on," she said before yelling, "Go Lucas!"

Other students among them cheered as well. "But just imagine if they paid this much attention to our debate team, or chess club, or anything else in this school that fucking matter."

"Such a place exists?" she queried, sarcastically.

Just then, she saw Lucas pick up the school's flag and wave it around, meaning he had won the activity. Students began to cheer once more and Riley clapped to congratulate her boyfriend. "WOOOO, LUCAS!"

As Missy placed a crown on his head, Lucas couldn't help but send a wink in her direction. When the game was over and Lucas had stepped off the stage, he walked towards his beautiful girlfriend. "How do I look?"

"Like my Prince Charming," she smiled, before accepting his hand.

"You know what they say," he began before placing a hand on her hip. "You gotta kiss the prince..."

"They do?" she joked before Lucas kissed her.

She felt a ton of eyes on her and when they pulled apart, she heard Karen from Chem class say, "Fucking finally." Just then, her classmates began to clap for them. She grew red and couldn't believe that people were this surprised to see them kiss.

_"Honestly, I thought it was never going to happen."_

_"About time."_

_"Get it, girl!"_

_"They're so cute together."_

_"Wait, weren't they already dating?"_

Were among some of the comments Riley could from students somewhere in the crowd.

"I have an idea," Lucas revealed.

"What is it?" she asked, smiling. His hands were still on her and the butterflies in her stomach had awakened.

"Do you want to ditch?"

_**ooo**_

"Hey, Farkley, what you up to?" Isadora asked before sitting beside him in the school's library. He was swamped with books and papers scattered all over his desk and she could only imagine the stress he might be under.

"Just studying," he responded casually before slightly closing his computer. "What was all that noise outside?"

"Another boring lunchtime activity," she informed before setting her bag on the table. "You know how I feel about those."

"Sadly, I do," he said before taking her hand. "Are you okay?" He always knew when there was something off with his girlfriend, by this point in their relationship he didn't need to look at her to know something was wrong, it was a feeling. And that's exactly what he was feeling right now.

She took a deep breath, "My parents noticed I wasn't wearing my necklace yesterday."

"What'd they say?" he asked, sitting upright. He knew how big of a deal this was for her and he wanted to be present and all ears. "Did they get you in trouble?"

"No. I-I had to lie again. I told them I took it off because of a lab for class. I also didn't have my glasses on, so... you can imagine how scared I was."

"But you're okay, right? There was no punishment? We can still hang out after school?"

She nodded, "Yes. Thankfully, we can. But, that doesn't make me any less scared."

"I'm really sorry, babe. You shouldn't be going through this."

"I know," she revealed, frustratedly, "They're too strict on me, you know? I'm forced to hide who I am when I'm with them and the only place I can truly be me is...here at school. They can't know. That would create another mess that I am not ready for."

"But there has to be some way, don't you think? There has to be something we can do to help you."

She shook her head, "If my parents find out that I have broken basically every rule they have forced me to follow since I was a child, I'd be disowned. Farkle, if they knew about you I would never hear the end of it. It's just not something we can change let alone fix. If there was, trust me, baby, I would've done it a long time ago."

He felt sorry for her. He knew Isadora faced an everyday challenge when she went home and he always worried that something bad would happen to her because he cared for her, deeply. "I just wish we could do something."

"I know," she caressed his hand. It meant a lot to her that he cared. That's why they were dating, he always took charge when it came to her feelings and things she cared about. "But some things can't be changed. That's why we're both going to Stanford. So we can get the hell away from them."

He nodded, "I can't wait."

"I should start heading back to class," she revealed before standing up and slinging her backpack over her shoulder. Before she could leave, she took a look at Farkle's computer. "What's that for?"

He turned to his computer, "Just brushing up on Mikus International's history."

She nodded, not really knowing why he figured he needed too. "Okay, well, see you after school, okay?"

"Bye, babe."

While she walked away, Farkle returned his gaze to his computer. He looked at his family's website and decided to keep researching.

_**ooo**_

Riley walked into her apartment, closing the door as soon as Lucas had made it inside. He convinced her to skip school and it was like he had read her mind because she was not interested in going to another class after the kiss they shared in the quad.

"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked, dropping her stuff off on the side of the couch and hanging her coat on the hanger.

"I'm good," he said, observing her apartment. "Your home is nice."

"Thank you," she said, taking a seat on the couch.

"Is this your family?" he asked, staring at the wall that consisted of all their family pictures. There were many, all completing an entire wall that blocked off the hallway. "There's four of you?"

"Yeah," she answered, joining him. "This is my dad, his name is Cory. On the far right, is my mom. Her name is Topanga. Then there's me and this little guy in the middle is my younger brother, August; but we call him Auggie."

"You look adorable in this photo," he said pointing to a picture of Riley when she was four years old. She was crying because she had dropped her food on her face and her dad decide to take a picture to commemorate the memory.

"I told him to take that one down," she revealed which caused him to laugh.

"I'm glad he didn't, I would've gone my entire life not knowing it existed," he said before Riley placed her hands over his shoulders. "What about this one?"

"That's me at ballet practice when I was younger," she informed him. "I used to be obsessed with it after watching a Barbie movie about it."

"Why'd you stop?"

"I outgrew it. I mean it was cool and all, but I'm gonna be honest with you I sucked at it."

"You didn't suck," he said, trying to boost her confidence.

"No, Lucas, I actually sucked," she confirmed, but she found it cute that he tried to make her feel better. "Maya was the good one. I was just trash."

"You and Maya did ballet together?"

"Mhm," she nodded. "That's where we met. We were both seven and we got paired for a recital once and we hit it off. But then she couldn't go anymore and I kind of lost interest so we never did it again."

"I see your brother Auggie likes soccer," he said pointing to a picture of him out in the field. "Does he play football?"

"He wants to, but my parents don't want him to play just yet. They're worried he's gonna get hurt."

"Maybe when he's ready I can teach him a few plays," he suggested. "I need to know the little guy somehow, right?"

She smiled and buried herself in the crook of his neck. It meant a lot to her that he was already talking about meeting her family. "Is this a picture of your parents when they were younger?"

"Yes."

"They've known each other since they were little kids?"

"Extremely little," she explained. "They went to school together and that's how they became close."

"Wow. So all the people in your life have basically known each other for a long time?" he asked, moving onto the next set of photos.

"Basically, yeah."

"Oh my gosh is this Little Joshy," he joked.

"He was such a cutie," Riley replied, wittily. "This picture over here was taken the same night he met Maya. It was Thanksgiving night and Maya was all over him, you should've seen it, it was hilarious. He thought she was weird growing up, but little did they know..."

"That they'd be dating in high school," he finished, smiling. "What about this? Who's this?"

"That's Carter. His parents are friends of my parents. We used to be super close when we were younger. His mom used to take care of me, but I haven't seen them in the longest time."

"Looks like you guys were really, really close," he said moving on to the next picture and seeing that their parents had an entire collage of them. They were young in the photos but seemed to be having the best time of their lives.

"Yeah because our parents forced us to hang out all the time. This was before I met Maya, I didn't have any other friends."

"Is he around your age?"

"Yeah. He was actually born a day before me."

"You said you guys haven't seen each other in the longest time, but do you still talk to him?" he said, turning to her.

"We text here and then. I mean we're not necessarily strangers we grew up together that's not something we ignore. It's just not the same anymore. We're slowly growing apart."

He nodded, looking at their photo. "Cool. I mean...bummer."

She laughed.

"But that's all you guys ever were, right? Nothing more?" he asked, quizzically.

She raised a brow, a smile creeping on her lips, "Lucas we were four. Then we started seeing each other like once every two months growing up, we were never really friends, to begin with."

"Just asking, you know?"

She was confused, "I don't, why?"

"So I don't have to worry," he responded before walking back towards her living room.

"Worry?" she questioned, following him. "Why would you need to worry?"

"In case he ever tried to flirt with you or anything."

"Oh," she said, realizing what he meant. She joined him on the couch, "No, it's not like that. We're friends, that's all we've been that's all we're ever gonna be. I can guarantee you that."

He nodded.

"So, what do you want to do? We got like a few more hours to spare, we can do anything you want, go anywhere you want."

"I have something in mind."

"Okay, what is it?"

"I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay here..."

"Okay," he said following, knowing she was going to continue speaking.

"and I want to get to know you," she declared nonchalantly.

"You want to get to know me?" he asked, his expression changing. Like he was surprised she asked that question.

"Yes," Riley nodded. "Why are you so surprised?"

"I'm not," he lied, "Just...what do you want to know?"

"Everything. Your friends, your family, your hobbies, your favorite colors, your future, your goals," she wondered. "I want to get to know my boyfriend."

"You know me," he extended his arm to take hers.

"Yes, but not the _complete_ you. All I know right now is that your name is Lucas Friar. You have green eyes, you're extremely hot, and you're the quarterback for the school's football team and I hate to break it to you, but that doesn't necessarily cut it if you want to date me."

He smiled. "Okay. I'll tell you everything."

A few minutes later, after Riley and Lucas made hot cocoa and built a blanket fort in the middle of her room, Lucas began to tell her everything about himself. She learned that his birthday was January 14th, 2003 and she was a month and six days older than him. He loved sports and has played everything except for lacrosse which is something he plans on doing in the winter. His favorite color was red and white and he loved the Blind Side and Radio, they were his favorite movies and Riley kept this in mind in case she ever wanted to plan a movie night as one of their dates. His dad's name was Mark and his mom's name was Anne Elizabeth but they called her Annie, her older brother is Austin and he's a sophomore in college. His favorite ice cream is chocolate fudge and he hates vanilla everything. For his future, he wants to become a professional football player, but he also revealed that there may be a possibility he might want to do something else, but he doesn' know what just yet.

By the end of the day, when he left her house, Riley felt like she had known the real Lucas. The funny, smart, and considerate side of him and she loved that even more about him. It made her trust him and feel comfortable around him which was something she valued more than anything in a relationship she wanted to pursue.

When she plopped back in her bed, picking up the blankets in the process, she felt her phone chime and when she opened the message, there was a baby picture of him crying, similar to hers.

**_We're even now_**, his message read.

**_Ur so cute, _**she replied.

**_ooo_**

Missy sat in class, thinking about Lucas and how he publicly kissed Riley in the quad; revealing that they were dating. She felt herself grow angry because she's had a crush on Lucas for the longest time. She knew Riley was bound to intervene, she had ever since the talent show when they were younger and Riley took her win.

She let out a frustrated sigh.

"Hey, can you stop breathing so loudly?" Zay asked, turning around to face the brunette who was so angry smoke could be exiting through both her ears. "I'm trying to pay attention."

"That's the first," she retorted, "Considering how you're always failing classes and have the lowest GPA possible even I could the second-hand embarrassment from across the country. You're going to fail this class no matter how hard you try, okay?"

"Damn, Missy, I just -"

"Just what?" she deadpanned. "Turn around Zay Babiboobs."

He did as told, but not a second later he could feel her finger poking the back of his shoulder. "Tell you what, I'll apologize if you tell me how long Lucas and that filthy skank have had a thing going on?"

"Since like middle school - "

"No, shit Sherlock everybody's been known. I'm talking about today, when did it get this serious?"

"Homecoming," he answered. "When they danced together."

She sat back in her seat.

"I believe you owe me an apology," he reminded.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"What? Y-you said you'd apologize if I told you how long they've been dating."

"I literally never said that," she said, jokingly. There was no way he was gonna get an apology out of her. That's never been done.

_**ooo**_

Josh Matthews stared at his computer screen. He spent the entire two weeks finishing his college applications and now that he was done, he didn't know what to do. Sure, he only had one button left to click before submitting them, but he didn't know what to do about his future. Hitting send was the single most closest decision he could do that would shape his life outside of high school. He spent years dreaming of the moment he was in right now and now that it was finally happening, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He was scared.

Scared that life outside of high school and college would not live up to the expectations he'd been carrying all these years.

He took a deep breath, he'd intentionally applied to colleges far from home and he didn't know how he would bring himself to tell Maya when the day came.

But for now, he refused to worry about it.

His future was on the line and that was the single-hand most important thing he could think about at the moment. He turned to look at a picture of himself as a younger kid and he wished he could travel back in time, his younger self didn't have to worry or stress about the things he did now.

His screen faced him and he knew this time he had to make a decision.

And he chose college.

He clicked submit and took a deep and long sigh. He was ready for the long road ahead, even if he didn't know what it would bring.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: What do you guys think about Lucas now? He's one hell of a character and extremely complex. Let me know what you guys think. Also, I'm curious. How long should a chapter in your opinion? I'm asking so I know how many words will keep you interested and how many words will make you guys feel bored? Are chapters that are more than 5k words too long? **

**Let me know I'm curious. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review**


	5. 4: A Good Guy

**A/N: Your reviews honestly mean the world to me. Thank you guys so much for reviewing it keeps me updated on your opinions and that's something I absolutely adore. This chapter is Josh's backstory and there's a little more revealed about Lucas' friends. **

**HideAndSeekCat: Lucas is extremely complex. I wanted you guys to have a look inside at his childhood and his relationship with his parents to understand why he might be the way he is. And he genuinely wants to have a real relationship with Riley, but in many ways that contributes to the toxicity. It's kind of confusing to explain, but I'm going to try: Lucas likes to have fun, he likes the idea of juggling more than one relationship at the same time because it makes him feel powerful in a sense, so having that behavior in mind and wanting a serious relationship with Riley, you can kind of start to see where there might be some problems. He's also very possessive too (which in a way makes him hyprocitical - he's willing to cheat, but doesn't want Riley to cheat on him). And you'll learn why Josh is hiding that from Maya in this chapter. And thank you, I always feel like my readers get bored half way through my chapters so making them longer would make them click off. Thank you, hope you love this chapter.**

**Nat: Got it! Thank you! And that's basically all you're going to see about Lucas, it's his strongest personality trait lmao you'll most likely see some of his jealousy in this chapter.**

**DancingGoddesss: You're welcome.**

**KillEmWithKindness02: Yeah, the irony was pretty funny. And you'll end up seeing how a lot of the backstories for each character start tying in with the actual plot. Thank you so much for reviewing. **

**Monica: Lucas is the most complext character in the story and the most frustrating a times. You're definitely gonna want to pay extra attention to his character to see. And thank you so much. A lot of my chapters fall around 5k to 6k words so I hope you guys can enjoy it. **

**Chapter 4 **

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

When Josh was young, he was told by his parents that college was a gateway to the real world; a world of responsibility and maturity.

His parents praised education above anything else. To them, it equaled success and that's what they valued most.

His older brother, Riley's dad, was a teacher himself and his parents showed great admiration for him.

That's why Josh felt like he needed to focus on his future at a young age. He's known what he's wanted to major in since he was in fifth grade and has dedicated himself to it since then.

At the age of twelve, he mapped out his future. He made a vision board of all the things he needed and had to do in order to be successful in his career. He had a plan for his life and his parents knew about it, they congratulated him on knowing what he wanted to do, but insinuated that he'd only get there if he put more effort.

That's all they did.

_"You did great, hopefully you'll keep it up." _

_"You're doing amazing, Josh. But you'll do better next time." _

_"A 97%, that's amazing! But why didn't you get a 100%" _

His parents compliments were never genuine. They instilled a behavior that he carried till this day.

He could _always_ do better. That's what they taught him.

They never taught him anything he did was perfect so he grew up thinking he _needed_ to do better. On everything.

When he was a Junior in high school, he got the highest grade on his term paper. Meaning out of all the four hundred plus students that wrote the same essay, he topped them with the highest grade.

He was excited to tell his parents. He thought, finally they could truly be proud.

And once he handed them his graded paper, his parents were upset because they didn't like his conclusion paragraph. In exact words, his parents said: "I feel like you needed to emphasize the economic inequalities. That would've made me super proud of you."

He listened to their lecture, took his paper back and felt defeated.

But that was when he realized that he could never please his parents toxic values on education. He couldn't be his older brother who made them proud about anything he did.

Cory was their golden child with a wife as a lawyer.

Josh was barely on track to graduation and he still hadn't done much to make them proud.

So when he looked at his vision board, he saw an escape. A getaway from them. That's why every single college he applied to was out of state, he was ready to get away from them. He didn't hate them, he loved them, he just needed time away from them.

Unfortunately that meant he wouldn't be able to spend too much time with Maya after he graduated. He would be going to college elsewhere.

He thought about long distance relationships and he thought of ways they could make it work, but in the end he knew they wouldn't. Plus, he wanted Maya to experience her senior year of high school single and free because he didn't want to be in a relationship his freshman year of college.

Which meant that at some point they would need to break up.

Which is what he tried to do before, but panicked when she started to catch on. He lied to her and instead invited her to go with him to Pennsylvania state. Truth was, he wasn't ready to let her go.

He's coming to terms with it and knows it's something he's going to have to do in the future, but for now he wants to make the most out of their relationship.

He wants them to do more things together all the while he prepared for college.

He just hoped neither of it would blow up on his face.

_**ooo**_

The first half of October passed and Riley loved every minute of it. The sun rose and set on warm weather and she spent every second of every moment with her boyfriend, Lucas. They'd gone on multiple dates and talked for countless of hours.

She was confident in their relationship and confident that Lucas was the one.

The more and more time they spent together, the more Riley found herself wanting him to spend time with her friends outside of school. So when they planned a day to hangout, Riley invited Lucas.

It meant the world to her when she saw him having fun around them. She found herself enjoying the company he brought, he made things fun and exciting which was something she was sure her friends loved.

When Lucas dropped her off that night, Riley couldn't help but admire him. "They like you, you know?"

"I do now," he said, smiling. "Your friends are amazing, Riley. And Isadora, she's really outgoing."

Riley laughed, "She's a lot to handle, but she makes for a great best friend. And when she's paired with Maya they're an iconic duo. So it's kind of like a 2 for 1 special."

"Well, I'd like to spend more time with them if you're okay with that."

"Are you kidding me? Yes. I'm one hundred percent okay with that. I'll let them know. Thanks for the ride."

"No problem, babe." Noticing that she was already one foot out the door in a seconds time, Lucas called out to her, "Wait, hang on. I want to ask you something."

She stepped back inside the car and closed the door, "What is it?"

"Well, there's a home game this Friday and I've noticed that you haven't really been to any of my games since we've started dating. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go? It'd mean a lot if you were there."

Riley's smile grew. She could feel her heart come alive because she lived for cute romantic things such as this. "I'll be there. And I'll bring a big sign just for you, okay?"

"Okay."

_**ooo**_

Friday came and Riley found herself sitting on the bleachers with a big poster for Lucas. The sun was setting behind the tree lines and students began to file the empty seats around her. The day had grown chilly as Riley rubbed her hands together and shivered unconsciously, it didn't help that she was sitting on ice-cold steel bleachers. She wore her favorite cashmere sweater to ease the cold with matching boots while her hair was up in a messy bun, she felt comfortable, but cold.

She turned to look at the field, she had actually been paying attention to the entire game and thought it was interesting.

The first portion of the game was fairly standard. Riley didn't know much about football, but she knew the bascis and the objective of the game. Besides that, she knew that Lucas was #7 and Zay was #23. Between Lucas' good throwing and Zay's quick running, they were able to gain a lot of yards on their way to the end-zone.

By the time the two teams switched over, they were tied by one touchdown each. One of the football players hiked the ball to Lucas, who in return, managed to get an excellent pass off to Charlie Gardner who blew passed the other teammates and was able to reach the goal line.

The crowd around them cheered, creating a massive uprising of students. The game continued and Riley could tell that Zay and Lucas were arguably the best players on the team. Together they could take on anybody and they were.

"Hey, girl," Isadora said, joining Riley. "I see you made a poster."

"I did," she said, showing her.

The poster read:

_**I Like The Game**_

_**(Friar**_

_**7)**_

_**BUT**_

_**I Love The PLayer **_

"It's cute."

"Thank you. Hey, where's Farkle?" Riley asked, noticing he was no where to be seen.

"I don't know. He said he was coming, up until a half hour ago when something came up, he didn't tell me what though. I figured I'd come by either way. Supporting a friend."

This made her smile, "Well, Farkle's missing out. Lucas is an amazing player."

"I'm sure. That's all people ever talk about during football season," Isadora informed as she searched the field, she couldn't tell who was who with their uniforms on. "Do you know what's going on?"

"I don't," Riley laughed. "Sometimes I think I do, but then I don't. I've lost track of Lucas for like the tenth time now I don't even know where he's at."

As the game continued, there were only a few minutes left to go on the fourth and final quarter. The students on the bleachers still had the energy to keep cheering and supporting and Riley couldn't understand how they had this much energy even in the cold. Even though both teams had played well throughout the game, it was clear to Riley that some of them were exhausted, even Lucas who hadn't been taken out to catch a breather. The score was 42-47 and the other school's team was in the lead. Luckily for them, they were playing offensive and only needed one more touchdown to win the game.

The final play of the game began.

Tyler - a guy Riley only recognized when he had taken of his helmet the time before - hiked the ball to Lucas. Both Charlie and Zay sprinted towards the end goal, Lucas was ready to throw the ball in either of their directions, but paused when he noticed they were both heavily guarded by the opposing team. He began to narrow down his choices and started looking for another available player. But, there weren't any.

He decided to run it himself.

"Oh my God, is he gonna make it?" Isadora asked curiously. There wasn't that much time on the clock and Lucas still had more than half the entire field to run. She could feel the tension rise as students all around her stood.

Her eyes followed Lucas like a hawk. He was quick and agile and was able to make his way passed the other players, but the most challenging part was only ahead.

"He's not gonna make it," she heard another student beside her say.

Lucas stopped in his tracks when another player threw themselves at him, he quickly moved out of the way and continued to run towards the end goal in a different direction. No one was able to catch up to him. Eventually he had an open path and he was going to make it.

"Unbelievable," Riley whispered, but she spoke to soon. Another player ran in his direction in attempt to tackle him. She thought it was over, that he wouldn't make it, until Lucas blocked his tackle with a hard hit, sending the opposing player straight to the ground while he remained on his feet.

"Oooh," the crowd around them uttered.

Then, in only a matter of seconds, Lucas had reached the end goal. He had scored the winning touchdown and began to cheer as his teammates joined him and raised him on their shoulders.

The crowd surrounding her went crazy, cheering and clapping louder than they had before.

As they settled down and the game came to an end, Riley struggled to see Lucas. There were so many of them crowded in a ball that Riley couldn't tell where Lucas had disappeared to.

She stood up on her tiptoes and tried to see over the man in front of her. When she finally spotted him, she lifted her hand in a tiny quick wave. Before flashing the poster she had made for him.

Down on the field, Lucas turned his head and glanced up in her direction. He saw her poster following the upper half of her overly excited facial expression, he grinned.

He lifted a hand in response, waving back as he flashed a lop-sided smile and a quick wink.

"You guys are literally so cute," Isadora complimented.

When Riley made it home a half hour later, she smiled sheepishly at the picture in her phone. They had taken a picture together and in the picture, Lucas was kissing Riley's cheek while his arms wrapped around her.

She posted it.

And a few minutes later, he did too.

They were finally Instagram official; which in the eyes of millenials: confirmed their relationship.

**_ooo_**

Josh hated Mondays just like every teenager. They were dreadful and painful to work through especially when the tiredness from the day before piles on to the laziness waking up ensues.

He followed his normal routine: wake up, shower, brush teeth, shave, get dressed, drive to Maya's house, take her to school.

As they walked in the hallways, his eyes half open half closed, he didn't have the sense to recognize he was standing near his niece, while his girlfriend nudged her.

"Earth to Riley," she called, waving her hand in front of her face.

"Yeah?" she asked, bringing her head out her phone. "Sorry, I was just obsessing."

"Obsessing over what?"

"Over this," she brought her phone out for them to see and revealed the picture on her phone. It was a picture of her and Lucas. The one she posted on Friday night.

"That picture is so cute. Did you see the one he posted?"

"Yes," she prolonged the word. "Did you read his caption?"

"My world," they said in unison referring to what Lucas said. "I swear he's the cutest."

"We're such weirdos," Maya laughed as she grabbed her books. "Anyways, Josh and I gotta run, but do you know what you're doing for Halloween?"

"No, not yet. Why? Do you guys?"

"Well, there's a party," Josh began. "So we're either going or Maya suggests that we -"

"Tp people's houses. Or egg Ms. Michaelsons place cause she gave me a D on my history report."

Riley laughed, "We're not tp-ing anybody's house. I was thinking maybe you guys could come over to my place and we watch a Halloween marathon with like food or something."

"Okay," Maya said. "We'll let you know."

"Bye guys."

Just then, Lucas wrapped his hands around his girlfriend Riley and kissed her cheek. "Hey."

"Hi," she said before kissing his lips. He smelled of cologne and scented lotion and she could practically feel her knees wobble. "Did you make plans for Halloween?"

"I haven't. Zay and I were just talking about it, but I was thinking maybe we could spend it together?"

"Yeah, so was I," she agreed. "Do you think watching scary movies at my place with popcorn is a good idea...?"

"Yes," he replied with a winsome grin on his face, "But I was thinking we could go to Emerson's party. It's gonna be big, his parents are out of town and everybody's going."

"Okay, yeah. We'll go," said the brunette who hadn't been to a party in a little over four months. "Can you pick me up?"

"Yeah, you know you don't need to ask. I got you."

Just then, one of Lucas' friends approached them. His eyes were on Riley, but he turned to acknowledge Lucas for a second. "What's up?"

"What's up," he said.

"Hey," Tyler greeted, his eyes moving to the brunette. "Thank you again for letting me borrow your notes. They really helped a lot. I don't think I would've passed Myer's test if it wasn't for you."

"No problem. I'm really glad they helped."

"Maybe I'll return the favor some day," he suggested before flashing a mischevious smile. "Catch you guys later."

"Bye, Tyler."

Lucas couldn't help but stare him down as he walked away. He wasn't aware of Riley's friendship with him which caught him by surprise, especially since he reached out to her for help when he could've asked anybody else. The more he thought about it the more he started to dislike the fact that Tyler insinuated he would 'return the favor.'

"C'mon, we should start going to class," Riley said before they headed in the opposite direction.

_**ooo**_

Isadora couldn't explain Farkle's sudden interest in his father's company. She didn't know why he had all of the sudden decided to know more about the history of Minkus International if he's known about it his entire life.

As she stared at him, she tried to bring herself to connect the pieces. She was smart, it was what she did, but this time she had no clue.

The past times she tried to ask him about it, he dismissed it and said it was "no big deal," but clearly it must've been if he couldn't stop investigating. "Farkle?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said before drawing his attention away from his laptop.

"You're not gonna tell me what has you locked onto that screen?"

He sat back, "It's nothing I promise."

"Clearly, it is," she said before sitting beside him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise. You know you can trust me, right? That's what relationships are for."

"You're gonna pull the relationship card?"

She nodded.

He caved, "My grandpa died when I was young. I never got to learn anything about him and whenever I ask my dad about him, he says he doesn't know much either. He never spoke about his childhood and because of it, I don't know anything about my great grandparent's. I don't know how they look, I don't even their names. And I want to know. I think it's time, so I thought looking at the history of Minkus International would help me understand it, but it hasn't. So I'm going through family's records that I accessed through my dad's account. I should know in a few days - if I keep digging."

"And you couldn't tell me why...?" she questioned.

"Because I'm worried that I'm gonna find something I won't like. Like what if...I'm adopted. What if I have a brother that my parent's lied to me about - "

"Why would you think either of those things?"

"My parents own a billion dollar company. Don't you know about all the shady shit companies like Apple and Google have done? Minkus International is up there and it's sensitive information. Think about it, why hasn't my dad decided to look into his dad's past?"

"What if it's never occured to him? Accepted the way things are?"

"Well, I don't. I always need to know the why."

"Yeah, I understand," she said, "Hey, if you ever need help, just let me know. You know I love this kind of stuff and you don't have to do it alone."

"Thank you, but I think it's best I do this on my own."

"Got it," Isadora said before taking a seat back. She wished he could tell her more about what he's found, but something told her that he had been unsuccessful so far.

_**ooo**_

"We just decided to go to Emerson's party," Riley informed Maya after being asked what their plans were for Halloween. They were walking in the school hallway on the way to their next class which unfortunately for them was Culinary; where they did more worksheets than actual cooking.

"Look at you getting invited to the party's on the rich side of the neighborhood," Maya playfully retorted, pushing her friend. "Looks like dating Lucas comes with a plus side."

"Parties are not a plus to me, you know that."

"Well, they are to me so from now on, every party Lucas invites you to is an automatic invitation for me. Okay?"

"Okay, whatever."

As they continued to walk, Riley began to realize that Lucas was, in fact, a paty-goer. He loved them and she knew that about him because before they dated, she would see people posting about him when he was drinking it up with his friends. She knew dating him would bring a whole other level of attention and she would be exposed to his way of things, but Riley didn't see him as a status symbol or a ticket to popularity, she didn't care about that. She had amazing friends that she would always go to regardless of the people she met while hanging out with Lucas.

Fixated on her train of thought, Riley didn't see Missy coming. She didn't have time to move and instead was bumped into by the not-so-weak brunette. Riley's books fell all over the floor and all Missy did was laugh.

"Hey," Maya called out, ready to approach her.

"No," Riley placed her hand on the blonde's bicep and pulled her back. "It's fine, Maya. She's not worth it."

She returned to her books as Missy walked away, her laughs echoing throughout the hall.

"If you don't slap the shit out of her one day, I will," Maya revealed.

"Trust me I've been wanting to. But sometimes it's best to just ignore people."

"Ignore people my ass, she's been bullying you since like forever. Over a stupid talent show that she's too stingey to forget about it."

"But, clearly I'm the mature one and if you don't pay attention to things, they tend to go away. Plus, whatever class she's going to next I'm sure she's gonna struggle, so I'm fine with that."

"You totally should've said that," Maya encouraged. "She would've stopped laughing instantly."

Riley and her shared a laugh. "C'mon, we're gonna be late."

_**ooo**_

School ended and as Lucas drove Riley home, he couldn't help but think of Homecoming. He wasn't thinking about the dance in particular, but what he did a half hour before.

He was out on the football field with his friends, Zay, Charlie, Tyler, and Mason. They were drinking alcohol, Charlie managed to buy them with a fake ID he'd been using for over a year.

They were talking about having sex with girls since they had won their Homecoming game and they said some vile things about disrespecting them as well. And throughout it all, when Lucas began feeling the affects of the alcohol he had chugged down his throat, he had an epiphany.

He needed a girlfriend.

It sounded weird at first, but in the moment it made perfect sense to him. He spent all of middle school and half of high school refusing to committ and now that he was a year away from graduating, he wanted something serious.

He needed someone he could share moments with, someone he could make laugh and smile, someone he could kiss and have sex with, someone he could protect and imagine a life with because they'd share the same intesrests as him.

And what other person had he ever had genuine feelings for...? Riley Matthews.

Everything he refused to search for was in the girl he'd occasionally hit up and then ghost, but now that he was ready to start a clean and fresh relationship with her, he needed to be completely honest.

Which is why he felt like the need to tell her about Tyler and who he really is; because he cared for her.

"So you and Tyler are friends?" he began, searching for a way to start the conversation.

"I mean..." she thought for a bit. "I guess you can say we are. We sit near each other in class and he asks me for help, but now he waves at me in the hallways and cracks jokes, ocassionally. But I think he's trying to be friends because I'm dating you, you know?"

He nodded. "What kind of jokes?"

"I don't know, funny ones. I can't remember one off the top of my head, but they're pretty funny. Sometimes they're stupid."

He continued to nod. When he made a left hand turn he figured he needed to tell her, "Hey, um... do you think you can maybe not talk to him as much?"

She turned to him, confused. "Why?"

"Trust me, he's not someone you want as a friend, Riley. I've known him for a long time now and I know the kind of shit he does. It's not something you'd like."

"Well, what does he do?"

He debated telling her. He thought it was best he didn't, but in order to mak her understand why, he had too. "Do you remember when he dated Kali?"

She nodded. Riley wasn't a close friend to her, but they were nice to each other. She had a genuine spirit and aced all her tests and even helped Riley on a question she was struggling with. That was the farthest their friendship ever went.

"Do you know why they broke up?"

She shook her head no. When Riley first heard they were dating, she was surprised and couldn't believe it at first. Tyler and Kali were polar opposites. Kali was more school oriented with high dreams and a PG personality. Tyler, however, was completely different. He loved to party and get high, he always got impatient when school came around. "I heard they got into a pretty big argument, but that's all I know."

"Well, us guys, have a group chat for the entire football team and one day Tyler sent us her nudes. He was making fun of her body and word got out. I don't know who told her, but she was pretty upset about it. I-I didn't say anything about it, I promise," he said, turning to face her. He felt like he needed to add that in because he cared about her opinion and didn't want her to think badly of him. "A few days later, Kali confronted him and they argued, he broke up with her and not even a second later, he continued to body shame her."

Riley was stunned. She had no idea any of this happened, especially to Kali who was a literal angel.

"I don't know what happened after that, but Tyler started suspecting that Mason was the one who told Kali about the nudes. So to get back at him, he keyed his car and lied about it. Mason still thinks it was some guys from another school. He's an asshole, Riley and he's probably using you to pass his class."

Riley sat back for a second. She didn't know what to say. She figured Lucas had a point. "Yeah, you're right. Oh my gosh. I won't talk to him anymore."

He nodded, "And don't worry if he ever does some stupid shit around you, just let me know I'll handle it."

"Okay. Yeah."

Riley spent the entire ride thinking about what he told her. She was completely unaware of it all. She couldn't believe that someone like Kali fell into a horrendous trap. It pained her to think about the sadness and fear she must've felt when she found out the entire football team had seen her nudes; and that her boyfriend had not only bodyshamed her but was the reason her nudes leaked.

Knowing this also gave her an insight on the environment of Lucas' friends. She didn't know if they were all alike, but she hoped they weren't. Other than Tyler, she had spoken to Zay a handful of times and she really hoped he was different. She didn't know if she could spend a lot of time if she constantly thought they were out to get her.

But whatever it was, she felt safe. Lucas said he'd handle it if anything every happened. And she felt protected.

She knew she was right to place her trust in him and date him.

Lucas was a good guy.

_**oOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Always feel free to let me know what you think. I love reading your reviews. Bye...**


	6. 5: R&L forever

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading, it always means the most to me. I have some good things coming so definitely stick around, especially to clear up all the info from the last chapter on Joshaya. Everything comes full circle I promise. **

**DancingGoddess: You're welcome. Hope you like it. **

**Guest: Awee, you're an angel. I love compliments. And yes, I do have a writing schedule. I upload every Tuesday. **

**Tilly: Josh wants to get far from his parents after high school, but in order to do that he'll need to break up with Maya. I know how it looks, but conflict builds character development. Lmao. **

**Chapter 5**

**Lose You to Love Me **

**_to love, love yeah_**

_**ooo**_

The night sky was kind to the sweat on Zay's body.

His chest was heaving up and down as he fought to catch air, his rapid breaths making puffs of steam rise in.

He turned to the crowd and watched as they celebrated Lucas' record-breaking touchdown. They were smiling, bringing their hands together, stunned by what they had just witnessed.

He'd never seen that amount of people celebrate somebody else's victory.

He turned back to the end of the field, watching as the entire football team ran towards him, picking him up in the air as he roared in excitement.

He watched in silence, barely bringing himself to clap his hands. He knew he was supposed to be proud of his friend, but there was something that prevented him from feeling so. It was something he started to pick up on for a while, but things had been getting worse.

While he walked off the field thinking about how he felt, he concluded that:

No matter what he did, he would always fall second best to Lucas.

_Always._

Nobody recognized that it had been Zay who threw the ball to Lucas, nobody recognized that he had been the one who called the play and made the ultimate decision that resulted in his touchdown.

None of that mattered to them because it had been Lucas who scored. And he'd once again, be congratulated for it.

Ever since they were little, Zay felt underappreciated when he was with Lucas. Lucas was always being acknowledged as the more talented and social one of the two. He was bigger and stronger in every way and he used it to his advantage many times, taking pride in his accomplishments and rubbing it in his face every chance he got.

At first, he didn't mind it. He recognized his achievements and was proud of what he was capable of, but it wasn't until other people started validating Lucas and making him out to be this person that he wasn't, that he began to get upset.

He kept his jealousy to himself, but Lucas frequently used it against him to piss him off.

He saw everything as a competition with Zay and he did it because he knew he would win every time. They were best friends and trusted each other with their biggest secrets and would always be there for each other when it mattered most, but Lucas had no moral high ground. If he wanted something, specifically someone, he'd take it no matter who it was from.

So he constantly did it to Zay and that was the biggest downfall in their friendship.

But Zay still stuck around. He continued to be friends with Lucas because he was the closest thing he had to a brother, and he loved him.

Truth was, Zay was a sensitive and emotional person. He sympathized with people more than he liked and cried during sad movies, but if his friends were around he was hardheaded and self-confident. He didn't like to let go of people who wronged him so he forgave them instead which was something he did with Lucas many times.

No matter how many times he tested his patience or hurt his feelings, he'd forgive him. They've been friends nearly their entire lives and ending their friendship wouldn't feel right.

He tried to tell Lucas how he felt whenever he did things like that, but he never brought himself to do it because he knew Lucas would react terribly.

He was a nightmare in disguise and pissing him off would be messing with a ticking time bomb. An explosion waiting to happen. Lucas couldn't handle someone putting him in his place or pointing out his wrongdoings. He would do whatever he could to get his revenge. That was _his_ logic.

There was a time Zay unintentionally pissed Lucas off by talking to a girl he had his eyes on, in return Lucas randomly singled him out in front of his group of friends and shaded him, "accidentally" forgetting to take him home that night.

The one time Zay defended himself and called Lucas out for being an asshole, they got into a heated argument. The argument was so intense that Lucas came close to hitting him. He pushed Zay against his bedroom window, breaking it in the process, and slammed him against the wall, fist out ready to punch him.

After realizing what he had done, he backed off and walked out of his room. Zay found himself apologizing later that night for a problem Lucas had created.

It wasn't the only time he had gone out of his way and swallowed his dignity.

He'd done it many times before and Zay let him get away with it.

Like the time Zay had to let go of his grade school crush because his best friend started to date her.

_**ooo**_

Zay woke to the sound of his alarm. He mentally, physically, and emotionally groaned as he got dressed for the day ahead. He threw the warm covers off of him and got out of bed, changing into a simple Nike shirt with matching shorts and brushed his teeth.

When he made it to the kitchen, his mom was making breakfast for his younger sister and him. She was in her early thirties and was the secretary for the town's mayor, she was also very kind and warm.

"Hey, sweetie, your food's on the table," she said, pointing towards his plate with the spatula.

"Thanks, mom." He took a seat beside his sister and kissed her forehead, "Ready for another day in the first grade."

"Yes," she nodded, vigorously. She was still excited at the mention of school and he thought it was adorable. "Today we're learning how to type."

"To type?" he playfully questioned, adding more interest than he originally had. "At your age? That's amazing."

She laughed as she felt his fingers on the sides of her stomach.

"Zay, you're gonna have to take your breakfast to go. School starts in less than ten minutes and I got to take your sister too."

"Okay," he said nodding before taking a slice of pancake and a banana. "Bye mom, bye Evelyn, see you guys after school."

"Bye, sweetie."

He made it to school and parked his car in the student parking lot. When he stepped out of his car, he received a text from Lucas telling him to stop by his truck because he needed to ask him something.

So he did and as soon as he stepped inside, Lucas set his phone down.

"How many classes do you got with Riley?" he asked.

"One. Why?"

"Which one?"

"U.S. History," he revealed. "Why exactly? Why do you need to know?"

"Because Riley has that class with Tyler," he informed. "She told me yesterday that he's been trying to be her friend."

He was confused for a second, "Is that a bad thing?"

"It is if he opens his mouth," Lucas clarified. "Tyler likes to run his mouth I can't have him near Riley, he's bound to let something slip."

"Nah," he dismissed, "Tyler's chill. He wouldn't."

"I don't know man, Tyler...he...he does what benefits him. I can see him telling Riley some shit I don't want her to know about."

"Like what?"

"Like what?" he questioned, with a tone of frustration in his voice. "Like all the shit we've done."

"I haven't done anything," he stated, as a matter-of-fact, "And why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're in the same class as them. Riley told me that he sits near her and always asks her for help so can you keep an eye out for him? And if he ever starts talking about me or our squad can you stop him?"

Zay nods, "Yeah, man. I got you. I'll see you later, okay."

"Yeah. Late."

_**ooo**_

Maya knew her hunger would not be kind to her if she decided to go to first period without eating.

So when she suggested Josh stop at their town's Starbucks so he could buy her favorite croissant and toasted white chocolate mocha, she was surprised he decided to make the detour.

"Cheese and ham, right?" he asked before parking his car.

"You know me so well, babe."

"Yeah, yeah," he said accepting her kiss before stepping out.

"I love you," she blew him a kiss before he closed the door, "Oh, wait. Your phone, you forgot - and he didn't hear me."

When he entered the Starbucks, Maya started snooping through his phone. She figured she might as well go ahead and do so since he wasn't there and he could take a while.

She went through every app on his phone to see if there was anything she should know about. Anything suspicious he had been doing like texting other girls or doing things he shouldn't be doing.

And just like always, she found nothing. That's why she trusted him so much, Josh would never do anything to hurt her.

If you asked her, Maya thought some forms of secrecy strengthened relationships. Going through his phone was one of them.

She'd been with Josh for a little over a year now and in that time she had gone through his phone thirty seven times. Thirty-eight counting now. And he never knew about it. She knew he would get upset if he found out so she kept it a secret. She was sure Josh did things like that too.

A while ago she found out that Josh had talked shit about a guy he was jealous of because Maya was extremely close to him. She was sure they had crossed paths at some point under her nose, but she didn't question him about it. She knew Josh could be protective sometimes, but if you asked Maya. She thought that was sexy in a man.

As she went through his emails, because yes Josh did use his email, she found one in particular that caught his attention.

It was an email congratulating him on completing his college applications.

She was happy for a second.

Until she wasn't.

She noticed that all the colleges he applied to were out of state. She tried to convince herself that she looked at the wrong email and he applied to a college in New York, but he hadn't. He was definitely taking off after high school and she didn't know how to process that.

She must've stared at the email for a while because she saw Josh step out of the Starbucks with her food in hand. She quickly put his phone away and wiped her tears, hoping he couldn't see the flushed look on her face.

He didn't notice anything wrong, instead Maya feigned a smile when he handed over her food and kissed her cheek. By the time they made it to class they were a few minutes late, but he didn't seem to mind.

They stopped at her classroom door and she turned to him. "Josh, you know I love you, right?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yes. And you know I love you, right?"

She hugged him, immediately. She began to feel what it was like to lose him and the feeling alone scared her.

"Wow. What's this for?"

"No reason, I just love you, and I want you to know it."

She let go of him and walked inside her class. She didn't want to let herself get too attached to the moment because she knew she would want to talk about his college decision, and she couldn't bring herself to do that.

_**ooo**_

"What are you looking at?" Farkle asked as he joined Isadora. She was staring at a flyer on the wall and he couldn't tell why she seemed so fascinated by it.

"It's a sign up sheet," she revealed. "From the dance decorating committe they're looking for volunteers. We should join!"

"Why on Earth would we join? We're not even going to the Halloween dance we said we'd just go to my house and play videogames," he informed.

"That's if my parents let me which I doubt they will. So if we say that we're helping out for the dance committe..."

"...it's a perfect excuse," he said following. "You'll tell your parents you're doing this instead, but in reality you'll be at my place. Babe, you're a genius."

"Actually, I was suggesting we help set up and go to the dance instead," she advised knowingly. "I just can't risk it, Farkle. If they find out about us they will get me in trouble. They'll make me break up with you and that'll break my heart. I think we should play things safely, okay? Plus, they're finally letting me go out on Halloween night. They're slowly giving me more freedom so I need to be more careful. Who knows, maybe they'll let me spend the night at Riley's soon?"

He laughed, but he understood. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a pen, "Here. Sign us up."

"Yes," she celebrated. "We'll have fun, trust me."

_**ooo**_

School was out for the day and Riley grabbed her necessities from her locker and placed them in her bag. She began to walk towards Lucas' truck which had become their designated meet up every day once the last bell rang. As she walked there, she felt her phone vibrate. It was a text message from Lucas.

**_gonna be there a little late_**

She replied with a simple okay and made her way to his truck.

She always leaned against the fender of his truck and eyed her phone, waiting for him to gether there, but this time it was different. Riley began to notice that all the privileged white, popular kids with cars, parked in the student parking lot. The Chanel's which were _the_ school's ultimate girl squad - that Missy was a part of - parked their cars in a specific area as if they strictly reserved it for themselves. They were friends with Lucas' and since Lucas was one of the popular football guys, he had a spot right beside them. Meaning, Riley got to see them every day after school.

They always rolled their eyes in her direction and Riley never fully understood why. She'd never done anything to piss them off except for Missy, but even then she didn't do anything. She figured Missy fed them lies about her and they ate it up - which was why they they all mutually hated her.

She didn't mind it though. It's not like she had an interest in being liked by them, she had Maya and Isadora and them two combined had more personality than the Chanel's.

A few minutes passed and Lucas arrived. He kissed her before stepping inside his truck and asked her if she wanted to eat before he drove her home, she nodded happily.

He began to talk about why he had to stay in after school. Something about failing a test and he needed to go in during his off period to retake it. Whatever he said next, Riley did not pay attention to it because she was looking at her phone.

He continued to ramble about hating anything to do with science and that it was his least favorite subject because it was boring and wasted his time. He hated it even more because he had that class with people he didn't really know so whenever he was confused or lost, he had no one to turn to and ask for help. Which was part of the reason he failed his test.

"Riley, I'm talking to you!" he called out, impatiently. He noticed she hadn't been listening to him and was instead more intrigued by her phone than him.

"Sorry," she apologized. "But look," she turned her phone to him and all he saw was the picture she posted the day before. It was a simple picture of her in warm clothing sitting on a tree branch. The caption read:

**_ready for the fall :)_**

"Yeah, what about it?" he questioned as he made a turn.

"Look at the number of likes it got," she advised.

"Seven hundred?" he asked, not being able to stare at the picture for longer.

"Yes," she confirmed, excitedly. "Holy shit, I've never gotten that many likes ever. That's fucking amazing," she read the comments under her post, they consisted of Isadora and Maya hyping and praising her and she couldn't be more appreciative of them. "Isn't that great?"

"That's great, babe," he said, disinterested.

She noticed this. At the mention of the number of likes she received, Riley noticed that for a moments second, Lucas' expression fell flat. Like he didn't care and had no interest in hearing about her accomplishment.

She dismissed it because she thought it was nothing, but it was clear in his voice that he was not in the mood to hear about it. "What's wrong?"

He waited till they reached a stoplight to tell her, "I saw the picture. It's a nice picture Riley and you look beautiful like always, but...the comments..."

"What about the comments?"

"What do you mean 'what about them?' There were like a handful of guys flirting with you."

She was surprised at his change in tone. She never imagined this would upset him. "I-" she didn't know what tell him. "They're literally from guys I've never met before. I don't even pay attention to them."

"I still don't like it. It pisses me off if I'm honest."

"Lucas, it's not like you should be. I'm not responding to them - "

"It's not even that. I know you're not responding to them, it's just that I don't like the fact that they think they can do that, you know? No guy likes seeing their girl getting hit on by other dudes."

"Okay," she said, calmly. "Yes, you make a really good point and I'll turn off the comments, but at the same time you should know that you don't need to worry, it shouldn't piss you off."

"Okay," he noted. "But I don't _just_ want you to turn off the comments, I want you to delete the picture."

She didn't think he was being serious at first. She giggled and continued to scroll through her Instagram feed, but when she noticed that he hadn't said anything to join in on the laughter, she noticed he was serious. "Lucas, it's just comments."

A long disappointed sigh escaped his throat as he resumed driving. He dismissed the conversation, but Riley felt like he was upset with her. She didn't know what to do for a second. The tension in the truck was heavy and this was the first time he had been unhappy with her.

He didn't say a word the entire drive. He didn't even stop somewhere to eat like they had planned and it shocked Riley. She began to feel guilty and responsible and she didn't know what to do. He was upset.

He parked his truck in front of her apaprtment before saying goodbye, "I'll call you later."

She waited for a moment, he normally reached towards her side of the passengers seat to give her a kiss goodbye, but he hadn't. He didn't even look at her when he spoke.

Riley knew she didn't like this. She felt blamed and guilty for his irritation and it caused her to feel sorry and apologetic. She looked at her phone then back at him and realized that a picture and a certain amount of likes meant nothing to her when it came to their relationship. She didn't want Lucas to feel the way he was feeling because it made sense. It must've sucked for him to see all the comments.

"I'll delete the picture," she revealed. "You're right, I can see why it upsets you. I would be too if the tables were reversed."

"Thank you, Riley," he placed his hand over hers.

She could feel it now. His warmth. Instantly, her heart began to race at his touch and that was what she loved about him. "Hey, do you have to be home right now?" she asked him.

He shook his head no, "Why? Where do you want to go?"

_**ooo**_

Central Park.

Riley loved it. Especially the stack of boulders by the pond.

As a kid, her parents would take her there and they'd have picnics. It was where her parents told Riley, Topanga was pregnant with Auggie and since then it's become a special place for them to bond in. Now, she wanted to share it with Lucas.

They sat down in one of the rocks and Lucas sat behind her so that her back could rest against his chest. Riley carried a notebook and coloring utensils for two reasons. 1) she needed to write a poem for her AP Lit class and 2) she also needed to draw something for her art class. She figured she could squash two birds with one stone if she took advantage of their moment together.

"So what was this assignment about?" Lucas asked when he saw her bring out her notebook.

"About the word beauty," she informed. "I thought coming here would help me think of something."

"Is it?"

"Well, I thought it would. Just waiting for something to come to me," she said smiling at the touch of his lips on the side of her head. "It normally takes a few minutes, but we can always talk in the meantime."

"Or we can makeout?" he suggested before lowering his kisses to the side of her neck. His hands quickly began to rise from her waist to her chest, but she stopped him, playfully pulling away.

"I'm serious. No distractions, okay?"

He nodded, "Got it."

"Tell me your favorite memory," Riley told him. She figured that if he opened up about something positive then she could feel inspired and have the motivation to continue writing.

"Damn," he said, searching through memories. "Like any?"

"Yeah. Anything. Just something positive and meaningful to you."

He thought for a second, "Well, there's this memory I have of my family. We went to LA one summer for vacation and my brother, Austin and I played in the sand on a beach I forgot the name of. I was five and he was eight years old and for hours we built sandcastles. We made sand figures of our entire family and pretended that we were kings of a half-destructed village we created that kept getting knocked down by the water. My parents were nearby I don't know where, but we bonded. It'd been a while since we'd actually connected and yeah we were young, but even then we weren't as close and most brothers. We learned to appreciate the time we spent together as little kids. I can still feel the sand in between my toes, my dried skin, and how tired I was, but that didn't matter. I was having fun. When the sun started to set we watched it go down together. I'd never seen anything so beautiful at that age. Like it was beautiful, Riley. The sunset reflected off the water and everything. It's one of the earliest memories I have and when things get tough between my family and me, I think about that day. Because it was peaceful. I want to go back there with my kids someday. I want them to feel the way I felt. When they don't have to worry about anything in their lives and just have fun."

Riley looked up at him when the silence lengthened. She didn't say anything she just wanted to look at him. To stare at him because that had been the first time he'd vulnerable to her.

"So... did that help?"

"It did," she answered. "It did. Just give me a few minutes, I'll have it done."

He waited for her to finish. His gaze went up to the rocks and pond ahead, the clear view of the nice, blue sky.

Wherever they were it was quiet. Extremely quiet. So quiet Lucas could hear the movement of her pen along her paper and he figured that was the reason she loved it so much. The was no one in sight. He could hear the brushing of the leaves in the air, the birds chirping in the far distance and for a second, he began to feel calm and collected.

A few minutes passed and Riley set her pen down and turned to Lucas. "Done," she said before handing him her notebook. "This is what I'm turning in tomorrow."

He took her notebook and began to read:

_Green eyes stare at the water's blue reflection. There's something about the glistening in his eyes that leaves me speechless. Like he's searching for answers in something that is not there. _

_He speaks, his voice rich with honey and tranquility,_

_His grip as strong as a thousand hands with fingertips and palms, filled with stories of sand and sunsets_

_He's passionate and charming, reflecting on a memory he has yet to re-live_

_There's something about the way he speaks. He can stop time and awake the trembling feelings hidden beneath thick skin_

_When I'm with him the stars align, the beauties of the world struggle to compare with his existence_

_The sight of a million roses and lilacs become small, fields of sunflowers and oceans become distant_

_He, on the other hand, comes alive_

_But he's more than that, when I look at him I see his heart before his skin. I see him for who he really is and I know him more than he thinks I might._

_When he speaks, he stops time. Not because his voice is beautiful, even though it is, but because the words he speaks are poetry_

_Because when he's passionate about something, he formulates the right kind of words. He makes you feel the right kind of feelings._

_He's protective and smart, he knows right from wrong and holds his values close to his heart._

_It's not his eyes and smile, or strength and looks that make him beautiful,_

_it's his ability to inspire and feel._

_\- Riley Matthews_

"This better be about me or we're gonna have some problems," he playfully joked after reading the entire passage. He'd never read anything like this and it made him feel good.

Her assignment was to write about beauty, and she wrote about him.

The thing is she didn't focus on the physical aspect of beauty, but the emotional side of it.

And that's the Riley Matthews he knew.

The one he so very much wanted to be in a relationship with and finally was. He heard her laugh and he kissed her. Passionately and warmly.

"We need to remember this moment," he said before looking through her bag of markers.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked. Lucas stood and jumped onto a different rock, observing it before sitting down again. "Hello, Lucas?"

He looked in her direction before winking. Then taking the sharpie, he took the cap off and wrote on the rock.

"Babe, vandalism? I love it when you're dangerous," she joked playfully before joining him. When she looked at what he wrote, she smiled again. "Can you be anymore cuter?"

"I don't know," he said, jokingly. "Kiss me and find out."

"Think it'll stay," she asked when they pulled away. She looked down at the rock.

**_R+L = forever_**

**_10.25.19_**

"Hey, you wanna know what I just realized?" she asked him.

"What?"

"It's our one month anniversary," she informed. "It's our one month babe."

"IT'S OUR ONE MONTH!" he cheered before picking her up and twirling around. When he set her down, he kissed her again, and again, and again. "How lucky am I to be dating such a wonderful, beautiful, human being that can make time fly?"

"I'm so lucky to have you."

"Not as lucky as me," he said before kissing her one last time. "C'mon, we should start heading out. I need to get you home."

Riley lived for moments like these. This is what she imagined when she pictured them together, she knew that he'd make her feel things she never felt before and she was happy that it was finally happening.

As they walked and held hands, Riley couldn't help but look at him. She did this often and she didn't mind it, even though it boosted his confidence because he always thought she was admiring how attractive he was. She saw a different side of Lucas, the side she was sure he didn't show his friends because of how they were, and it only made her care about him more.

Because he showed her a side to him that no one had seen.

Not even his closest friends.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoy it, don't forget to review. See you next Tuesday. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	7. 6: Actually, Lucas is my Boyfriend

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, there are some things about Lucas in this chapter that I want to hear your guy's opinion on. Let me know in the reviews.**

**Tilly: Josh knows long distance relationships don't work out. He's certain that it'll mess with his and Maya's so he feels that he needs to break up with her. He also loves her way too much to hold her back. But the reason he applied to out of state colleges was to get away from his toxic parents. **

**Guest: I feel like you're missing the point of the backstories. The reason Josh is doing what he's doing is _because_ of his parents, he loves Maya enough to want to break up with her for her own benefit. But you're on point about Lucas', he's toxic and you're feeling everything that people feel when they're looking at everything from the outside in. But Lucas' love for Riley is genuine, which is what might make things worse for the both of them. **

**Chapter 6**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

Isadora's parents raised her to be excellent.

Since she was a child, her parents forced her into learning as much as she could. They never let her play with dolls or watch cartoons because her parents thought that was for the devil. So she was only allowed to play with educational toys and flashcards that taught her about spelling and writing.

She learned to speak at an early age and noticed how close to God her parents were.

Isadora dreaded going to church since she was a little girl. Her parents would shake her awake in the early morning and force her to wear her Sunday's "best" when all she wanted to do was sleep.

She hated everything about it, but since her parents were adamant about religion, she was forced to attend. She would sit through the hour mass and stare tiredly at the pastor, watching him talk about things she never brought herself to listen. The only thing going through her mind as she sat on the wooden chair was going home so she could do something that didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

She never bothered to tell any of this to her parents because she knew how they would react. Especially her mother.

When she was seven years old, her friends (a group of girls she met at Sunday school) sat in a circle and played a game where they confessed their darkest secrets to each other. They were little and didn't have much to share, but they played the game anyway.

They were young, but the things they shared were haunting.

By the time it was Isadora's turn, she knew so much about her friends, that telling her secret wouldn't make her feel ashamed. She sat there, playing with the grass torn leaves as she tried to get her words out, she told them: "I don't believe in God."

Her friends were stunned. They sat there in silence and stared at her blankly, trying to wrap themselves around the words she had said. The girl beside her spoke to break the tension, but Isadora didn't listen.

She was too focused on the fact that felt relieved. She was happy the weight was finally off her shoulders and in a way she felt liberated.

Religion was a hard thing for her to grasp, she respected the people that believed in it, she just couldn't bring herself to.

A huge part of her knew the reason she wasn't religious was due to her parents constantly trying to enforce it on her. The constant praying, Sunday school, going to church, and hearing her parents speak highly of God became something she did not want to do.

Every single decision they made, even their way of parenting, was dedicated to God.

This is why, at an early age, she knew she couldn't tell them things she knew would upset them.

Her friends never spoke to her again after her confession. The reason they stopped being her friends was entirely based on her lack of faith.

She was hurt, at first.

She cried and blamed herself for it, but she got over it a few months later.

Instead, she was irritated by their hypocrisy. They acted like what she had told them was the worst thing on Earth as if one of those girls hadn't joked about secretly slipping pills into her grandmother's food.

Soon after, those girls became her bullies. They laughed at her and poked fun at her, but Isadora didn't do anything about it because she knew they would threaten her and tell her parents what Isadora told them.

That freaked her out. And it was enough to keep her quiet.

A few years passed and things did not change between her parents. Her mom and dad valued their religion and continued to let it dictate their way of parenting, they made her go to church on Sunday's, pray every night, and read the Bible.

It was exhausting for her.

She began to notice that the older she got, the stricter her parents became.

If she was going to make them happy, she had to follow their rules:

1) She wasn't allowed to date.

2) She couldn't use her phone for too long.

3) She had to help her mom due chores around the house and cook.

4) She couldn't make it home late and couldn't go out passed six.

5) She had to read the Bible for an hour every day and pray.

6) She HAD to go to church on Sundays and only hang out with Christian girls.

She hated every single one of their rules. They made her feel trapped and she felt like they were part of the reason she wasn't having fun during her time in high school.

She knew she wasn't going to be able to put up with it for the rest of her life. She wasn't going to be their perfect child for long and one day, she broke. She told them she didn't believe in God.

The argument was intense and her parents refused to listen to her. They went on a wild rant and told her she was going to hell, they expressed their disappointment in her and at last, they disowned her. She ran away before they could even finish their sentence.

As she was halfway down with the fire escape, her tears began to burst and she sobbed. It became too much for her and she couldn't handle it.

Thankfully, Riley heard.

They didn't know each other at the time, but she was kind enough to let her inside her room to talk about it. Isadora found herself sharing and opening up about more than she thought she would and Riley didn't judge her. She held her hand the entire time and helped her.

She didn't have anywhere to go so she let her spend the night. And that's where Isadora realized that her parents weren't going to accept her for who she wanted to be, so she sucked in her pride, went to her parents the next day, and apologized.

Her parents forgave her and welcomed her back, but not without the mandatory Bible sessions, long hours of praying and going to Church. She was back at square one, dreading everything she did before only worse, the difference was that she wasn't going to let it affect her life.

With her newfound friendship in Riley and her friends, Isadora started to change her style. She developed a new personality and her friends welcomed her with open arms. She met Farkle a few days later, instantly she felt it, she knew she liked him and when she found out he liked her too, they hit it off.

She continues to live a double life. At home, she's sacred and follows her parent's rules, but to her friend's she loves to party and dance. She's a real version of herself when she's with her friends and for that, she will always be grateful.

_**ooo**_

"Holy shit, really?" Isadora asked after the blonde informed her about the email on Josh's phone. They were currently walking to their next class during one of their passing periods and she was already overwhelmed with the news Maya delivered. "And he didn't tell you?"

"No," Maya confirmed. "I had to go through his phone to find out and that's why I'm so mad at him. And to make matters worse I can't even talk to him about it because then he'll be mad at me for _how_ I found out."

"What if he's waiting to tell you?" Isadora suggested. "You know? Maybe he's not ready just yet."

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that he's known about it and he intentionally applied to those colleges and didn't tell me," she continued to walk and just then Riley joined them.

Almost instantly she knew something was wrong. "Did something happen?"

"Josh applied to out of state colleges," Isadora filled her in.

She didn't understand why that was wrong. "Why are we mad again?"

"Because _all_ the colleges he applied to were out of state and he still hasn't told me. I had to go through his phone in order to find out."

"Oh," Riley said, realizing the issue. "That one's tough. I had no idea."

"The thing is I'm not mad...yet. I'm just disappointed. He should've told me. This affects the both of us. He knows that more than anything." There was a silence that Maya couldn't handle. She stopped in her tracks and the other brunettes did the same. "Should I talk to him?"

They both exchanged looks. "Maybe that's not a good idea."

"Yeah. Maya, it's too soon. Maybe you should just sit on it for a couple of days and if it keeps bugging you then you should talk to him about it. But for now, just...enjoy your time with him."

They didn't say it, and they didn't have too. It was obvious to the three of them that Josh's decision to apply to out of state colleges meant that at some point in their relationship they would need to break up. She decided to take their advise. She wasn't going to get upset, she was going to think about her time with him and not let the worst of it get to her.

Josh was her boyfriend. Her first real love and losing him was going to be hard, but she knew she could work through with it. She refused to believe that their relationship would end and instead vowed to enjoy what they had left.

_**ooo**_

"Here, try to make these corrections," Farkle said handing back Zay's paper. They were in the middle of a tutoring session and Farkle was helping him out with his essay. "Shouldn't be too hard."

"Too hard?" he questioned, flipping through the pages. He noticed that almost every sentence had a correction which would take him hours to work through. "You might as well just tell me to start over."

"You just need to work on your excessive use of et cetera and ie, and wrong punctuation. There's also a lot of information you can replace because you tend to repeat yourself a lot."

"Can you help me out with this paragraph?" he asked, pointing his pen to the paragraph before the conclusion. "It's the one I struggled with the most."

Farkle re-read it. The first sentence alone had two corrections he needed to make.

"Instead of saying 'Towards the beginning, both Britain and France followed an appeasement act with Germany. They allowed their rearmament and the annexation of Austria in March of 1938 ("Invasion of Poland..." 1).' You wanna be more specific in years because teachers like reading their paragraphs in chronological order. You also wanna be more adamant about the appeasement act. And you also want to say why France and Britain followed it."

He nodded. "So what would I write exactly?"

"Something like..."

Zay was quick to turn to his computer, ready to type everything he said in exact words.

"In the 1930s, both Britain and France followed a policy of appeasement with Germany. They allowed the rearmament and annexation of Austria in March of 1938 ("Invasion of Poland..." 1) because they did not want to start another Great War.' and continue it by saying, "The appeasement policy ended on September 3, 1939, two days after Nazi Germany attacked Poland."

Zay finished typing. "Alright. Sounds better already."

"You also want to make sure that your evidence and analysis ties back with your thesis statement. And that you don't add et cetera to every sentence."

He sat back, frustrated. "I've done this twice already. Now I need to do this a third time?"

"Writing essays aren't easy. They're also more difficult when you decide to do them late," Farkle realized Zay looked slumped and ready to give up, "C'mon, I managed to convince your teacher to give you an extension. If you don't turn it in on time you're gonna get a zero on the assignment. Trust me you don't want to fail this essay. It's 15% of your grade."

"Yeah and 85% bullshit. Why do we even need to do this? She's graded thousands of these by now, what's one more gonna do?"

"Save your grade," Farkle informed. "C'mon get started."

Zay brought his computer closer to him before turning to see what Farkle had been working on. "What are you even working on?" he asked after noticing that Farkle had been flipping through multiple tabs in the past hour. When he turned to look at it he noticed that the tab he was staring at was. "Are you learning about your family's history?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Have you found anything?"

"Yeah," he said, a little unsure. "I have, it's just not much."

"I'm sure it's something. What'd you find?"

"It just... turns out I have a relative from Denmark," he informed. "I have lots of relatives over there. Who would've thought there's more Minkus's?"

"Minki," he suggested.

Farkle chuckled, "They live in Copenhagen, Denmark. The mystery is that I can't find my great grandfather's birth records."

"Why would you need his birth records?"

"Because he was the first one to leave Denmark to come to America. He raised my grandfather and because of it, he started Minkus International. I want to learn more about him. I mean he's the reason I'm even here in this country. I want to know what made him come here."

"Hope you find something."

"Thank you. Now, get back to your essay."

_**ooo**_

Lucas sat in his truck in the student parking lot. He was taking hits off his wax pen, letting the feeling of relaxation sink in as he began to feel its effects. He was sure his car was foggy from all the smoke he'd exhaled, but he didn't mind it.

His eyes were red he was sure of it, but he'd gotten away with showing up to class high and he was no longer worried about getting caught. He knew the chances of that were extremely low. He learned from Charlie that the cameras in the student parking lot were there to trick students into thinking they worked when they actually didn't. Which meant he could get high without having to worry about a single thing.

He scrolled through his Instagram, liking pictures to waste time. He was supposed to be in class, but he agreed to skip the first half of it because he was simply not in the mood to sit through an entire lecture on chemistry and PH balance. He decided to look at Riley's Instagram to see if she had really deleted the picture he told her to, he hadn't checked since she told him she deleted it and he wanted to make sure of it.

The picture was gone.

The comments under her post frustrated him. It bugged him because it meant that other guys felt comfortable enough to flirt with her, despite knowing she was in a relationship. He was glad she came around and deleted the picture, it made him happy.

It showed him that she cared about his feelings.

Just then, a notification on his phone popped up. It was a text that was sent to the football team's group chat. The message read:

**football bros**

**_Aye so apparently they're drug testing us durng todays practice_**

His eyes widened and he felt his heart freeze. He turned to look at the wax pen in his hand and his blood shot eyes.

"Fuck!" Lucas exclaimed, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

_**ooo**_

After receiving a text from Lucas telling her he couldn't make it to lunch, Riley decided to hang out with her friends instead. They sat in their usual lunch table in the center of the quad and talked about their plans for Halloween which was only a few days away.

"Isadora and I signed up to be apart of the dance decorating committee. Then we're gonna go to the dance," Farkle said.

"I thought you guys were gonna watch horror movies, or play video games?"

"We were, but we cancelled. My parents wouldn't have let me go if I told them I was going to be with Farkle," Isadora revealed. "So if they knew I was helping out with the school dance instead then they'd give me a little bit more freedom."

"What about you, Riley?"

"Lucas said Emerson's party was going to be dope so we're going there. I actually just picked out my costume I'm gonna be a witch."

"That's not a costume that's your personality," Josh joked, causing the rest of them to laugh.

Riley felt her phone chime and she looked at the message. It was from Lucas:

**srry I couldn't take you out for lunch, but I can still take you home. **

She responded with a simple okay before asking, "Do you and Maya have plans?"

They looked at each other, "Actually I'm down to go to his party. Are you Maya?"

"Yeah, whatever," she answered dryly.

Shortly after discussing their plans for Halloween, Riley starting talking about Friendsgiving since it was only a month away. They always did something for Friendsgiving and it was tradition to do it at her house. She liked to invite them over because they would eat dinner sit by the fire and talk. It was the time of the year they gave thanks to each other and it normally made Riley cry because she was extremely grateful for them.

"We can do it at my house again," Riley suggested. "My parents are gonna be gone the 26th. I'll bring the ham."

"I can bring the mac and cheese," Isadora said. The year before she took a salad and nobody ate it, so she wanted to go with something different.

"Ah, I'll bring Hawaiian bread."

"I'll make the Chicken Alfredo," said Maya as she typed away on her phone, hardly paying attention to their conversation.

"I didn't hear anybody say paper plates and napkins," Josh laughed. "I can bring that, oh, and sodas."

"Are you sure you're gonna be here?" Maya questioned him.

"Yeah?" he answered, confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason," she muttered, disinterested.

Isadora and Riley exchanged looks before eyeing the blonde, she was still angry and it was obvious she was. Josh looked confused but he was confused because he didn't know that Maya knew about the colleges he applied to. He tried to make sense of it, but it didn't last long. He just gave up.

When lunch ended a few minutes later, Isadora and Riley stayed behind to talk to her. She was previously going to walk with Josh to class, but she told him that she should instead walk alone. He was going to question it but realized Isadora and Riley were still there so he didn't say anything.

"What was that about?"

"I thought we agreed you were going to be nice to him. You know, enjoy the moment?"

"I know," she said, placing her hand over her forehead. "It's just that I want to be mad at him for a bit. I deserve to be angry with him, he's been lying to me for a whole week and I needed to take it out on him. I'll stop, I saw that he kind of started to catch onto it."

"Okay. I'm gonna head over to class, but I'll catch you girls later, okay?"

"Yeah, bye, Riley."

_**ooo**_

Lucas followed the echo of the blaring trumpet.

He walked passed the empty classes in the music wing, looking to see if anybody was there. With lunch going on and the hallway being extremely quiet, the sounds of his feet tapping against the tile floor in the hallway echoed loudly.

He knew what he needed to do and he knew who he needed to find which was why he canceled his plans with Riley. He just hoped it wouldn't take long.

"Hey, Kyle. Just the man I was looking for."

Kyle Wilson paused in his tracks and set his trumpet aside. He looked confused not knowing why Lucas Friar needed him, they'd only spoken a handful of times and they weren't friends. "You were looking for me?"

"Yeah, man," he said, enthusiastically. He walked inside and sat beside him. "What are you playing?"

"A trumpet," he informed the sandy-haired blonde. "There's a recital coming up and I'm going over my notes."

"Nice, nice," Lucas said eyeing the papers beside him. "What's this symbol called? I see it everywhere and my girl has it on one of her notebooks."

"I-it's a treble clef," he revealed.

"What about this one over here?" he said pointing to the corner of his page. The simple-looking one."

"That's the eighth note?"

"What about the seventh?" he joked, but this didn't make Kyle laugh. Noticing the sudden silence, Lucas turned to look around the room. He wanted to make sure they were alone before he did anything else. "Listen, Kyle. I need you to do me a quick favor."

"What is it?" he gulped. Confused that Lucas went to him for a favor when he could've gone to anyone else for help.

"I need you to pee in this," he said before bringing out an empty Tylenol bottle.

Kyle was surprised, "Hold on, did you say you wanted me to pee - ?"

"In this, yes," Lucas confirmed. "Can you do it?"

"Lucas, why on Earth would you want me to do that?" The more and more he asked questions, the more Kyle began to realize that Lucas was getting impatient. His leg was bouncing like crazy and his breaths were long and deep, the kind you made when you're getting angry.

"They're drug testing the football team tonight and I haven't exactly been sober this past week. If they catch me I can get expelled and in trouble with the police. I don't necessarily want that and you don't either, right?" he placed his hand on the back of Kyle's neck. "You look a little tense."

"I just... never been asked to pee for anyone," Kyle admitted, nervously.

"So are you gonna do it?"

The silence was loud. Kyle could feel Lucas' glaring stare and it scared him, he didn't want to offend him especially when they were alone. But he needed to worry about himself if the school found out he helped Lucas he could face expulsion too and he didn't want that. "I don't know if I can. That's a big favor - "

Before he could finish, Lucas grabbed him by the shirt and pressed him against the wall; knocking down other instruments in the process. "I don't think I was straight with you. If you don't pee into this fucking bottle not only are you going to walk out of here with a bruised eye and a potentially broken rib, but I will tell the principal myself that you have weed in your car."

"I don't - "

"Yes, you do," he deadpanned. "I dropped it off before coming here. Now, I can have the police searching through your car in less than fifteen minutes and trust me they'll find it. So what's it gonna be?" He continued to press him against the wall. The longer he waited the more and more he pressed his hands against him.

"Okay, okay, all right. I'll do it. Just let me go, okay?"

He stepped back and handed him the bottle. "Don't be stupid," he said before Kyle stepped into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Kyle walked out with the Tylenol bottle in his hands. He handed it to Lucas and he hid it in his pockets before heading for the door. "Consider the stash in your car a thank you."

_**ooo**_

Lucas felt like he could breathe again when he successfully passed his drug test. He spent the entire practice worried they'd find something in the sample Kyle gave them, but they didn't. As he ran the plays with his team, he realized just how lucky he got this time. It was rare for them to know ahead of time since they were tested once every blue moon, but fortunately for him, he wouldn't need to worry about it happening again.

The season was almost over.

He decided to go to Riley's house and spend time with her to make up for the time they spent apart at lunch. He walked in through her bay window to surprise her and the look on her face immediately made him reach out to kiss her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him, accepting his kiss.

"I wanted to surprise you. Plus, I brought you your favorite." He reached into the bag and brought out a Ben and Jerry's tub of ice cream with a spoon in hand.

Seeing her face light up, he laid on her bed and played with her pillows. "What are you working on?"

"My resume," she responded. "I'm updating it monthly. Just like Ms. Bailey said. Hey, there's this volunteering opportunity coming up just a day before Halloween. We can sign up and help out for a few hours?"

"Uhh..." he knew immediately that he didn't want to, but he didn't have the heart to tell her. "I might already have plans, but I'll let you know."

She turned back to her computer and continued making the changes to her resume. The last time she updated it was over a month ago and in that time she had done a lot for her community. She loved doing things like that because it meant that she was involved which was something she valued.

A few minutes passed and she received an email from another club she signed up for during the summer. They had yet another volunteering opportunity and it was for the holidays, "Hey the town's library is going to have a children's festival in December. We should totally go."

"Babe, that's in like two months. You're getting ahead of yourself."

"Well, yeah, but the sooner we sign up the better."

He set her pillow down, "What day in December?"

"The seventh," she answered, turning around to double-check if she said the right date.

"Oh... I think I'm gonna be busy that day. There's something going on I don't remember what exactly. Let me just check - "

"You're lying," she interrupted. She noticed the sudden hesitation in his movements and the way his words rolled out his tongue, they didn't sound nor look genuine at all.

"I'm not," he said trying to cover up the fact that he was. "It's just that my schedule is always tight."

"If you don't want to go you can tell me. You don't need to pretend like you're interested."

"All right. I just don't want to go. You looked happy and I didn't want to crush it. That's just not my kind of thing."

"Well, what is your 'thing'?"

"My thing?" he asked and she nodded, "Sports... working out."

"Well yeah, I know that, but like...besides that. What else do you have in your resume?" she queried, placing a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

"That's it. That's all I do."

"That's it?" questioned Riley. Surprised.

"Yeah."

"What about clubs? Are you apart of any?"

He shook his head no.

"So besides sports and working out, your resume is empty?"

"I feel like you're judging me," he said defensively.

"No. I'm not, I promise. It's just that colleges look at more than just sports. They like to see that you're involved outside of that."

He was quiet. All he could do was play with the corners of her pillows.

"Do you know what colleges you want to go to?"

"Haven't really thought about it." She turned around to face her computer. "Can we talk about something else? Just come and lay down with me." He searched around her room and saw she had a TV, "C'mon we'll watch a movie."

She turned around and wanted to argue, but he gave her the most precious and sincere face that she just couldn't refuse. Plus, he went out of his way to bring her ice cream which, even though the gesture was small, meant a lot to her. She joined him. When they laid together, Lucas couldn't help but admire her. She looked adorable eating out of her ice cream and he needed to kiss her.

When he did, he realized that he wanted more than to just kiss her. He started kissing her neck and her collarbones, her soft moans only encouraged him, but she stopped him. "Stop, my mom's right outside."

"Don't make too much noise then," he smiled, before continuing to kiss her.

"They can't know you're here."

He stopped kissing her and sat back, "Why not?"

"Because - " her words fell flat when she heard the door to the front of the house open, then close.

_"Hi honey," the voice said._

"You should go," Riley exclaimed, anxiously. She got up from her bed and picked up all the pillows he had tossed.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, my parents don't know you and I'm not allowed to have any guys in my room."

"Wait, but you said they were cool. Don't they know about me?"

She looked at him and for a second their eyes locked. She didn't have the heart to tell him that her parents didn't know she was in a relationship.

Lucas had already told his mom about her and she was touched by it so she lied and told him she did the same. She was going to get around to it and sit her parents down to inform them of her relationship, but the time hadn't come. She didn't want to tell Lucas she lied to him, it would make things awkward.

"Don't you think I should meet them?" he suggested, "Get off on the right foot."

"If they see you in here you're already on the wrong foot - "

"Hey, Riley - " her dad said, abruptly. He opened the door and stuck his head in, but upon seeing the guy in her room, he walked in.

"Dad! Hi, hey, what's up?" she said nervously.

"Who's this?" he asked, pointing at Lucas.

"That's a very good question, Dad. This is Lucas. Lucas, this is my dad," she said, awkwardly introducing them.

"Nice to meet you, sir. I'm sorry I'm in your daughter's room, she filled me in on your rules and I came in anyways. I can promise you we were just talking," he said before sneaking a wink in Riley's direction.

"It's nice to meet you too. You're welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like, but Riley as long as you have friends in your room the door remains open. Okay?"

"Got it, dad. Thank you," she said, mentally catching her breath. She was surprised he hadn't lashed the way he normally does and it saved her a lot of embarrassment.

She turned around to look at Lucas' tightly drawn features. "You couldn't introduce me as your boyfriend?" he questioned, upset.

"I... Lucas, I'm sorry. I thought he would get me in trouble."

"No, I get it," he said taking his jacket from his hands. "You didn't tell them about me because you're not allowed to date. You were so eager to kick me out when you heard him come in so clearly you're not comfortable with it. I'm gonna head out, I'll see you tomorrow."

"What? No, Lucas. C'mon. Please."

He stopped in his tracks, mainly because she had gotten in his way and blocked him from leaving her room. "I _am_ allowed to date. I just...haven't told them I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry. I was going to tell them, but then something came up and I never got around to it."

He nodded, understandingly even though he still looked a little upset.

"Stay for dinner. I'll introduce you the right way. That way you can meet my family at the same time."

He nodded, "Okay."

"Now, give me your stuff you're not going anywhere."

_**ooo**_

When Riley brought him out of her room, her mom was surprised to see him. He didn't exactly know what kind of impression that was going to leave, but he later learned that she was more surprised by the fact that he was a new friend than seeing a random guy walk out of her daughter's room.

The kitchen had cream-colored walls and windows that were opened to let the warm sunlight and summer breeze in. The windowsills were filled with flower boxes full of blooming daisies that added an aroma to the room that mixed well with the ham her mom had cooked.

The dining room had a rectangular table that sat six people with a beautiful floral patterned arrangement in the center. Lucas sat beside Riley on the opposite side from her little brother and her parents sat on the head seats on either side.

When the food was placed entirely on the table, they all reached in for their portion.

Shortly after, the silence between them lengthened and Lucas didn't know what to expect from Riley's parents. She talked about them once when he went inside her home for the first time, but other than that she never spoke to him about their personalities and interests. He knew her dad was a middle school teacher and her mom was a lawyer, but besides that, he didn't know much about them.

"So..." her dad began, looking at him, "Lucas, how long have you and Riley been friends? She hasn't mentioned you."

He didn't know how to respond to him. In a way, it hurt him to hear that her parents didn't know about him even though they had been dating for an entire month.

"Actually dad, mom, Lucas is my boyfriend," Riley revealed.

They were stunned for a few seconds, but it quickly subsided. Her brother Auggie's reaction was the most genuine and adorable. He released a big sigh, weirded out by the fact that his older sister was dating.

"And we've been dating for a month. We actually just had our anniversary a few days ago."

"Can I show him my vinyl figure collection?" Auggie begged, excitedly. He only showed it to people he was close with, but since he misunderstood the concept of dating and thought Riley and Lucas were married, he thought it was appropriate to show Lucas his collection. "He needs to see it."

He laughed.

Their parents looked at each other for a second. They weren't upset and he was relieved, they were just shocked.

"Well, what interests you, Lucas?" Cory asked. Since the teenage boy in front of him was dating his daughter, he wanted to know more about him and if he held the right intentions.

"Sports, sir. I'm the quarterback for the football team."

He nodded, taking in the information. "I heard you guys were doing good this year."

"We are, sir. We have another game coming up and if we win we make it to championships."

He was impressed.

"Lucas has also broken the school's record for most touchdowns scored. He's a very good football player." Riley knew throwing out information like that would impress her parents and see Lucas as worthy of dating her.

"Were you and Riley friends before you two started dating?" Topanga asked the teenage couple. She always believed that the best couples started off as friends.

Lucas and Riley stared at each other for a second.

_Were they? _she asked herself. She didn't even know the answer to that.

"We were, Mrs. Matthews," Lucas answered. "Riley and I weren't exactly best friends, but we always got off on the right foot. Plus, she knew I had a crush on her too and we'd smile at each other when we crossed paths in the hallways."

"Do we know your parents, Lucas? New York is a big city, but there's a chance we might."

"I wouldn't know. Their names are Mark and Anne Elizabeth. My dad works in construction and my mom used to work as a nurse, do they sound familiar?."

"Oh my God, Anne?" Topanga questioned. "She's your mother? Lucas your mom and I used to be friends when you were younger. I think they were new to the neighborhood at the time and we crossed paths multiple times. We invited them over for dinner once, but that was a long time ago. How've they been?"

"Great," he answered. He was happy when he heard that Riley's mom and his mom used to be friends. "She's still a nurse and working for the same hospital. She'd be happy to hear from you, I'm sure."

"Will you look at that. You're mom and I used to run together in Central Park, but when they moved to a new house we lost our connection. You need to give me her number before you go."

"Yes, Mrs. Matthews. I will."

"So Lucas, do you have a younger sister?" Auggie queried.

Riley chuckled upon hearing this. She was surprised by the fact that her little brother had asked such a thing.

"I'm sorry, little man, but I don't."

"Darn," he sighed. "Then I guess you're playing action figures with me."

"Just call them dolls," Riley playfully taunted. "'Cause they're not action figures."

"They're not dolls," he said, defensively.

"I'd love to little man, just let me know when."

"Great!"

The rest of the dinner went on like that. Riley's parents got to learn more about him and began to know the person her daughter was dating. Her parents were very wise and well-spoken and drove the conversation most of the time. While talking to Lucas they learned that he played lots of sports and had dreams of wanting to play professional football, since her dad was a teacher he wanted to know more about his education and Lucas answered successfully the entire time. He was also able to make them laugh which came in handy since Lucas' social skills were above anyone else's.

Topanga knew she was going to like Lucas' company. She knew it from the second she saw his smile and the way he looked at her daughter when she wasn't looking. She also liked that he was very kind and considerate which were the quickest ways to impress her. As a lawyer, reading and analyzing people became a huge factor in her life so she often did it when meeting new people. And Lucas made it fairly obvious to her that he really liked Riley.

From a distance looking in, Riley found herself smiling the entire time. She loved that her parents were taking a liking into Lucas and that he was impressing them with his stories and goals outside of high school. She even learned that Lucas was interested in history, even though he pretended to hate it.

"They loved you," Riley told him as she walked him to his truck. "You did great."

"Yes!" he said in a cheerful manner. "Your parents are really nice. I'm glad I got to meet them." He slipped inside his truck and turned around to kiss her goodbye. "You mean the world to me, Riley Matthews."

Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled sheepishly, "You're cute when you're romantic, you know that?"

He sent a wink in her direction before turning on his truck. "I'll see you tomorrow, babe."

"Yes. Tomorrow," she waved goodbye.

When his car rounded the corner and she could no longer see him, Riley stepped inside her apartment. Her mom was cleaning up the table and her dad was helping her. Their eyes met with hers and she felt the need to thank them. "He's a nice guy, I promise. He's completely different from..." she stopped herself, trying to think of what she was going to say next. "Charlie was a mistake I made in the past because I wasn't thinking clearly. I just think you guys should know that your expectations on Lucas shouldn't be guarded because of the way Charlie and I ended things."

Her parents exchanged looks, "Riley, we're not doing anything like that. We're happy Lucas is different. Just be responsible, okay?"

"Okay," she assured. "I will. Thank you."

**_oOoOoOoOo_**

**A/N: What do you guys think about this chapter? And Riley and Charlie, what happened with them? More things are developing little by little. Also, I want to mention that in a couple of weeks the story will go on a little hiatus. Maybe for like two weeks or so, because I'm currently working on the upcoming chapters and I like to get ahead. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	8. 7: I Was Drunk!

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter ended up being A LOT longer than I intended it to. Originally it was supposed to be a regular lenghted scene, but a lot happened and I decided to make this into an entire chapter. Important things develop here and I hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know what you think.**

**So I wanted to address something because a lot of you guys seem to be stuck on this concept that I felt like talking about. ****I know that _love_ is a concept that has been idolized and made into this picture-perfect feeling that can withstand anything. And I believe it to be true...to some extent. One of the main subjects this story tackles is _imperfect_ love and toxicity. The _unhealthy_ side of love and that's something I feel like you guys have failed to understand. I'm adding these plots in for conflict and drama and you guys just want to see this vision of love that I _can_ write, but choose not to because it's not something I believe can be deemed worthy of a piece of work for me. I love making things hard for my characters and you guys will need to stick through that to see their happy ending. I guess what I'm trying to say is that love isn't just a one-way ticket to 'happily ever after,' love is imperfect just as much as it is perfect - if that makes sense. There are going to be some things you need to work through to be happily ever after. Because if you're jumping the boat whenever things get hard, what's the point in wanting to fall in love in the first place?**

**Katy Kear: I ****didn't mean to say that long distance relationships don't work, I should've said that he feels like it wouldn't work out between them. There's a lot of factors that contribute to long distance relationships and the reason they don't work out. He's in a place where he feels like he needs to let her go for her own benefit, he wouldn't want her to put her love life on hold while he lived in a different state. He wants what's best for her enough to let her go. **

**Tilly: Long distance _can_ work, but it's never a definitive answer. You never know going in and Josh feels some ways about it. And he's come to terms with it because he wants what's best for her. That seems to be overlooked alot. If you feel your heart is getting stomped on then it's going to continue being like that because I added a lot of obstacles for drama and to keep things interesting for readers. No one said Josh gave up on Maya. **

**Guest: Josh is just a teenager, there are things he's not gonna realize until he's older or going through that transition where he's going to college. He's young. And not everything is as black and white or easy as you describe it to be, things get complicated believe me. As for Lucas' you were spot on, Lucas is controlling and he's going to continue to be just that in many ways. Stick around for it. **

**Guest: Hiatus coming soon. I think there's two more chapters before the break. **

**Lastly, to all my readers, I can't make you stick around and read something that you don't want to read. This Joshaya plot has drawn in a lot of concerns for some reason and it seems like you guys are mad over it, but this is something that's going to continue to be happening. Josh and Maya are cute together, but what's the whole point of a love story, if you don't want drama? This story is called Lose You to Love Me because I wanted to discuss toxic relationships (primarily between Riley and Lucas) and relationships that go through obstacles, but still make it _alive_. Everything I'm writing, I'm writing because 1) it's been planned for months and 2) it's real and authentic. That's just my direction. **

**I just hope you guys choose to stick around for it. If you have questions, keep asking them. I don't mind answering them.**

**Chapter 7**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**ooo**_

For as long as Missy Bradford could remember, everybody loved her.

As a little girl, her mother raised her to be the center of attention; to be the best at everything she did and to stand out. She never knew why she craved being admired so often, it was just something she had been used to since she was born.

Her mother, Christina, was her biggest supporter, she enrolled her into beauty pageants at a young age and bought her dresses and tiaras to boost her interest. She even started wearing makeup at the age of seven and started modeling for local magazines.

Whenever they needed a little girl to pose for a picture promoting a certain product, Missy was the first girl for the job.

She began to think she was the best at everything, no one compared to her achievements and her level of confidence and because of it, she felt entitled to certain privileges.

If she didn't get them, she'd throw a fit until she got what she wanted.

By the age of twelve, Missy gained twenty pounds and it started to show. Her mother was disgusted by the weight gain and couldn't bear the sight of her daughter's stretch marks.

So whenever her father left for work or walked out of the dining room, Missy's mother would take her plate away and throw the remaining food in the garbage. She wasn't allowed to finish her plate until she lost weight.

Her mom continued to limit the amount of food she could eat for months, nobody body shamed or made her feel conscious about her body than her own mother.

When she started losing weight, at the expense of developing nutrient deficiency, her mother loved her again. She claimed her and told her she was proud of her and to show it, she re-enrolled her in beauty pageants.

Missy didn't hate her, she loved that she was able to perform again because it had been the only thing she was raised to do. She felt like she found her purpose again and since her mother provided that, she never held a grudge for the lack of food she fed her.

At the age of thirteen, Missy made her return to the stage at a school talent show. She had spent weeks perfecting her performance for a son she rehearsed and she was sure she was going to make people remember how good of a performer she was.

But that changed when Riley Matthews sang the same song Missy had chosen.

Since Missy was scheduled to perform right after, singing the same song was not leave a good impression. She was forced to choose another song, a song she had not rehearsed.

Riley went on to win the talent show and Christina shamed and embarrassed her for placing under the top ten.

Missy began to hate Riley.

She could never forgive her for stealing her song because of the reaction it created in her mom. She had never felt so underappreciated and she hated every second of it.

As they got older, the feelings did not go away.

Riley was always winning and beating her in competitions and her mother always bullied her for it. As a result, Missy would tell her friends - The Chanel's - lies about the brunette in order to get them to hate and bully her the way her mother did to her.

The day Missy found out Riley was dating Lucas, she had a meltdown in front of her friends. Lucas was the love of her life and he had been since they were in middle school and Riley had to come right in and take him from her.

Just like she did with that song.

It only made her hatred for her stronger.

In many ways, Missy knew Riley was better, she was prettier and people had a tendency to be drawn towards her, even when she didn't do anything to deserve it; but she always tried to convince herself she was above her, and for that reason, Missy made her life a living hell.

**_ooo_**

**Halloween**

The sun had set and kids were starting to head home with large bags of candy by the time the party started. Riley looked at her phone, the time read 11:30 pm and Lucas had just parked his car outside of Emerson's house.

He received a few texts before unbuckling his seatbelt, but Lucas didn't really seem to care enough to respond. He slipped his phone into his pocket and turned to Riley. "Hey, uh, I'm gonna be drinking tonight. Is that cool with you?"

She looked at him for a second. She had never let herself think about Lucas getting drunk at parties now that he was her boyfriend. The thought never crossed her but now that he had told her about it, she only found herself admiring the fact that he decided to check in with her.

It meant that he cared about her what she thought of him. "Yeah. That's fine."

"Are-are you gonna drink?"

Riley wasn't much of a drinker. She had tried her parent's wine and tequila before but she was never a fan of it, she disliked beer and refused to drink it, so she told herself that she wouldn't be drinking. She also didn't want to drink anything because she didn't trust his friends, which was something she refused to tell him. "No, I think I'm just gonna chill."

He nodded, "I just thought you should know. You're my girl and I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything," he reached into his back seat and lifted a blanket. When his arm came back over the front seat, Riley could see an entire bottle of whiskey in his hand. "Are you ready?"

She nodded, surprised by the bottle in his hand.

It was clear there was a party the second she and Lucas stepped out of his truck. The sound of music and laughter was loud and it came from a two-story house in a corner block. The lights were off and the door was closed but the number of cars in the neighborhood and the intense smell of weed raised some alarms.

Lucas took Riley's hand, massaging it with his thumbs. "You should know that some guys at this party will probably try to flirt with you, just stay near me, all right? I'll smack the fuck out of them if they try anything."

She felt her lips curve. She loved that he was protective.

The door opened the second he knocked and when they stepped inside, the smell of weed and alcohol circulated throughout the house. There were a lot of people inside, crowded in the living room, hallways, dining room, and kitchen. The lights were dimmed and there were tons of people blocking her way that she lost sight of Lucas at some point, thankfully their hands were still intact and he helped guide her through.

Lucas's friends were standing outside on the patio near the pool with another group of people. She heard them call out his name excitedly, happy to see him and the bottle of whiskey in his hand.

She didn't look at them until she was close enough to see them. The sounds of smoke and the steam radiating from the pool made it hard for her to see clearly. There was Charlie, a guy she once had a fling with, Tyler, the guy Lucas told her leaked his exes nudes, there was Jacob, the guy that smart girls stayed away from, Adrian, a guy girls said was an amazing kisser, and Zay, who Riley was sure was the nicest of them all.

Lucas began shouting at them, the way most guys do when they were full of energy and happy to see their friends. After he finished greeting them, their eyes quickly traveled to Riley and he introduced her.

Even though his friends knew her from occasional conversations and because of similar friends, they didn't know her as Lucas's girlfriend. This was the first time his friends would be meeting both of them as a couple which he was happy they were.

"Hey Riley," Charlie greeted, faintly. When her eyes met him and she was able to look at him closely, she could see that he was high off the drugs he'd been smoking. She responded lamely before Lucas guided her towards a table filled with half-empty liquor bottles. He started to craft his own drink with lemons and salt that Riley had only seen bartenders and adults make.

"C'mon we'll sit on this couch over here."

"Where even is Emerson?" Riley asked him. This is his party and the brunette hadn't seen him at all.

"See that up there," Lucas said pointing towards a window on the second story of the house.

She nodded, "What about it?"

"That's his room. He was passing out condoms a few minutes before we got here, something tells me he's getting lucky."

Riley's eyes widened the second she understood what Lucas was insinuating and all he could do was laugh at the sight of her reaction. "Believe it or not Riley, but teenagers have sex."

"I just never expected that from him. He's super nice."

"Just because he's nice doesn't mean he can't have sex. I mean I'm nice and..." his voice trailed off the second he realized what he was about to say. He decided to take a big gulp from his drink to distract her from the unfinished sentence he refused to complete.

"And what?" She asked, curiously.

He tried to change the subject but she was stubborn and refused to let him talk about something else. Eventually, when their eyes met, he realized he couldn't lie to her. He didn't want to lie to her. "...and I've had sex before."

"Oh," she said, awkwardly. She didn't know what to say to him. A part of her felt both disappointed and a little sad about his confession. She didn't like the fact that Lucas had been entirely intimate with other girls because it meant that they had seen him in a way Riley hadn't; which she didn't have the right to be mad at.

She stared at him for a few seconds before looking away, she could tell that his gaze was still on her, searching for a reaction, waiting to see what she would say. She started wondering who the girls were and when he had sex with them, but then a huge wave of realization came over her. Those girls and those relationships were his past and she couldn't be mad at him for it. She couldn't be mad at him for something he did before meeting her. Plus, he had every right to have sex and she couldn't be mad at him for expressing it.

"Does it bother you?" He asked.

"I'm not gonna lie, it does a little," Riley told him and his expression dropped, "But I'm not mad. You had every right to. It just wouldn't be fair if I held this against you. I'm glad you told me, Lucas."

He was happy she understood. He knew she would. With Riley things were different, she didn't get upset about normal things girls in his previous relationships would get upset about. He knew that Riley's thinking was logical and that she only got upset when it was appropriate. The girls he dated before always saw it as a competition and tried to be better because they constantly felt like they needed to prove it. They judged and criticized any girl in his life and felt a strong sense of privilege and entitlement and it only annoyed him more.

Riley, on the other hand, didn't care about that and he loved that about her. She never tried to be somebody she wasn't.

He hugged her, "You're not cold, right?"

"No, I'm fine, why?"

"Cause I didn't want to give you my jacket," he said before smiling into her ear. "It's kind of cold."

"You're such a gentleman," she joked.

He took a sip from her drink and Riley began to look around the party, there were some people she knew from school and other people she assumed were from another school. She saw as most people talked to each other, some were doing rounds of shots, others were throwing themselves into the pool, and having fun. Riley was never like this at parties. Even though she had only been to a select few, she normally stayed with her friends and talked while Isadora and Maya made things fun. Their personalities went hand and hand and she loved them for it.

Her eyes wandered towards the inside the house, the glass doors to the backyard were opened which meant that she could see what people were doing inside. There was nothing different, but she was able to see a girl named Bailey making out with Pedro, another guy she had occasionally bumped into in the hallways.

"Isn't she...?" Riley began, but her voice trailed off the more and more she looked at them.

"Yeah," Lucas confirmed. "Yeah, she is."

"Does he know?"

"That she's cheating on him?" he questioned, "No, I don't think so. He's not even here."

"Do you think his friends will tell him?"

"Riley, Pedro _is_ his friend. His _best_ friend," he emphasized. "Holy shit."

Riley couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had never seen someone get cheated on and now that she was she didn't know how to feel about it. A part of her felt the need to tell her boyfriend that Bailey was cheating on him, but another part of her felt like it wasn't her place to do so. She barely knew the guy and she didn't think it would be fair of her to sneak in and break their relationship.

"Aye, Lucas," Zay called out from the opposite end of the pool. "Come over here for a second."

"I'll be back in a sec," he said before standing up, "Just let me know if you need anything."

**_ooo_**

After spending an hour and a half sitting on the same couch checking her phone and casually making conversation with the people around her, Riley began to see firsthand why so many people liked Lucas' company at parties.

His friends encouraged him to take many shots and after a few rounds of drinking, he was drunk.

It was obvious from where she stood. He was loud and even more social and energized than he normally was when he was sober. He stuck with his friends for the most time, but he'd disappear from time to time and then return.

As she watched him actively move throughout the backyard, she felt encouraged to talk to him and tell him that maybe he needed to calm down, but he wasn't doing anything irrational and she saw that he was having a good time. One second he was talking to his friends the next he was nowhere to be seen.

As she explored the apps on her phone, texting Maya and waiting to see when she would arrive, someone sat beside her. She turned to look at them and was surprised to see Victoria Rickards, a member of the Chanel's.

Riley didn't know why she had chosen to sit beside her if their _cult_ hated her. She knew that Missy brainwashed them into thinking that Riley was entirely responsible for her hatred, but that was only far from the truth. "Hi," she greeted, unsure.

"Oh my gosh, Riley! I'm so glad you're here!" If she was drunk, Riley couldn't tell. They certainly didn't know each other for her to be this comfortable around her, yet she was. "You look so pretty."

"Thank you. I ditched the costume last minute, but I like yours. It's pretty."

She stood and modeled for her. Victoria was dressed as a slutty nurse with a short outfit that ran just a few inches below her thighs. Her thick red makeup and smokey eyeshadow added to her appearance. Even Riley had to admit that she looked hot.

"Where are the rest of the Chanel's?"

"They were here just a while ago, but they ditched me. They're probably gonna hit up Andrew's place or something."

"What's going on at his place?"

"He's having a kickback. But since all the guys from the richer schools are there, they decided to go there too. I, on the other hand, did not go because fuck them." She threw her cup in the air as if she was going to have a toast, but then gulped the drink herself.

Riley's forehead furrowed. It sounded like Victoria didn't really like them at the moment. Like she was upset with them or as if they had gotten into an argument so she decided to stay on her own. "But you have a ride home, right?"

"Of course, girl. I'm not stupid. I look hot as fuck, I can get kidnapped. I got a ride home, but I'm a little too drunk to walk home alone."

She chuckled.

"But I am sober enough to tell you that the shit Missy says about you is so fucking rude. You don't deserve it. She can be a bitch when she's complaining about you."

Even though she felt deeply hurt by what she said, Riley took this as an opportunity to gather enough information about Missy as possible. She wanted to know about everything they talked about behind her back, she wanted to know what Missy said about her and how she would act when she was on her wild rants about hating her. She wanted to know every detail.

"She talks to you about me?" she pretended like she didn't know.

"Yeah. You know she doesn't like you, right?" her words seemed to slur off her mouth. She was a little drunk, but she was sober enough to function and think reasonably. "She's literally been complaining about you for so many years."

"Well, what does she say?"

"She just complains a lot about things you say, she doesn't like that she sits near you in class, she hates on the clothes you wear sometimes. She also doesn't like your friends, but yeah every single thing you do, she'll complain about it...but if you ask me I think she hates you this much because she's jealous."

"Jealous?" she shot her a questioning look.

"Yeah," Victoria began to get comfortable in her seat. "When she found out you were dating Lucas she literally cried in front of us. She started going off about you always trying to hurt her and prove that you are better. Why do you think she hates on you so much?"

Riley was stunned. She had never thought of it like that. The only reason Missy hated her so much was because of jealousy.

She knew that a lot of Missy's insults didn't get to her as much as they should've, even though she did use to cry about it in the past, it no longer hurt her. She never let it ruin her day and in return she focused on her life, not knowing that she was only upsetting Missy even more.

It made her laugh, but at the same time, she felt guilty for a strange reason.

She began to think about what Victoria said; the part where she revealed to her that Missy cried when she found out Lucas was dating her. She couldn't help but think that was another reason she hated her. "Does she like him?" Riley asked.

Victoria nodded. "Since like middle school. But she also knew he had a thing for you so she talked so much shit about you. The other girls eat it up and they talk shit about you too because Missy does it, but the truth is they're scared that if they're friends with you, Missy will talk shit about them. I just don't give a fuck."

Riley wished she could understand Missy's reason, she wished she could empathize but the truth was, she didn't. She understood that a lot of it had to due with jealousy, but the fact that she had been feeling that way since they were in middle school upset her more than anything.

It only made her respect her less.

"Thank you for telling me. I never knew why she continued to hate me until now."

"Yeah, she's a crazy bitch. But you're the complete opposite and I'm glad she didn't manipulate me into hating you."

They continued to talk after this. Now that she had told Riley the truth about Missy, she started to feel comfortable with her. She figured that if she was willing to trash Missy about her actions then she could trust her to talk about other things. They talked about their classes and homework and their hatred for the same teacher. The teacher that had the breath of a thousand coffees and walked as slow as a turtle and had lived just as long as one. Victoria and Riley had the same English class so she asked about her poem, the one about beauty and how she wrote it about Lucas. She said it was super cute and Riley felt herself blush at the compliment.

Just then, they both watched amusedly as Jacob, one of Lucas's friends, toppled face forward on to the floor just a few feet in front of them. It was hilarious despite the complete ridiculousness of the situation and they both couldn't help, but laugh. He stayed on the floor and people stepped over him as they walked by. A few of his friends helped him up, but it was clear he was done for the night.

As their laughter began to subside, Riley reached for her cup to get a drink of water. Her throat felt dry from all the laughing she and Victoria had done and she needed something to soothe it out. As she looked through for it, she realized it was nowhere near her. "Oh shit. I lost my drink."

"Oh here, girl. Have mine." She said, offering the brunette her drink. "It's good."

"No, it's fine. I was actually drinking water. I'm staying sober tonight."

"Is that why he's drinking?" Victoria asked, eyeing Lucas from the corner end of the backyard.

Riley turned around to look at him, he was having a conversation with his friends. It was clear even from where she was sitting that he was drunk. His drunken eyes screamed it. Even though they were red and looked like they were about to close, their eyes met still managed to meet.

He flashed a smile and sent a wink in her direction.

"He's so hot. You two make such a cute couple together," Victoria added. "I need a man like that."

A half-hour passed and Riley and Victoria continued to talk. Their conversation was long but that was because they had started to get to know each other. This was their first time sharing a genuine conversation and they had already started talking about the details in their lives that would be personal to a stranger, but they weren't strangers anymore. Victoria told Riley about her favorite movies and tv shows. They also talked about their favorite foods and what they want to study after high school.

Even though they didn't get to talk about too much stuff, the fact that they had bonded at a party where everybody was getting drunk and they were simply talking, meant a lot to her.

While she continued to talk, Riley noticed that Victoria's eyes kept shifting. At some point, she'd look at her then at another she'd look elsewhere. When she kept doing this, she finally tapped Riley's finger and gestured for her to turn around.

When she did, she noticed that Lucas was talking to another girl. She seemed to be smiling and laughing at whatever he was saying and she felt like something about it was a little off. She didn't recognize the girl he was talking to from anywhere, but he seemed to know her. Then, before she looked away, she leaned for a hug and his arms wrapped around her. The hug lasted longer than she liked. She knew it made her feel uneasy, but it was nothing she could make a big deal out of.

"Wow. If they were talking and hugging my man like that I'd cut a bitch," Victoria sneered.

"I'm sure it's nothing," Riley said as she turned back around. "They probably know each other, it's fine."

"I know a girl who said that once. Then she caught her boyfriend sleeping with the girl she said that about. I'm telling you, Riley. You have a man now, you gotta watch these girls like a hawk."

"You really think I should be worried?" Riley asked. When she turned around Lucas had disappeared, but the girl he had hugged was standing there talking with two friends.

"Men are trash," Victoria informed. "If Lucas was my boyfriend I wouldn't let him touch another girl like that."

"I guess he must've gone somewhere. He's not out here anymore."

"I'm sorry I have to end this so quickly, but I actually gotta go. I had fun. Thank you for keeping me company, you're actually pretty chill."

"Thank you. So were you."

_**ooo**_

It took ten minutes, but Riley finally found Lucas. He was talking with Zay in front of Emerson's house. She had stressed herself out looking for him, going through every room in the house and asking people, but she was glad she was seeing him again. When she stepped out the front door, Lucas noticed her and immediately muttered something to Zay that made him stop talking.

His smile widened and he reached for her the second she got close, "Hey, babe."

"Hey," she said to him, leaning her forehead on his chest. "You disappeared on me."

"Sorry," he kissed her head. "Zay and I have been out here talking the entire time. I was actually about to go in and tell you that we should go."

She nodded. "Yeah. It's pretty late already. Can you drive?"

Lucas was silent for a few seconds, but he finally nodded. "Yeah. I'll drop you off."

Riley turned to look at him, studying him to see if there was something off about it. And there was. He was still drunk from all the alcohol he had consumed. "No, you're not. You're drunk. I'll drive."

"Riley, I'm fine. You're overreacting."

"Just hand me the keys. I can drive." She reached her arm out for him to hand them over, but he was hesitant.

"You're not going to drive my car. Who's going to take you home when you drop me off?"

She thought for a second, but then she turned to Zay. "Can you do it?" she asked. "I don't want him to drive drunk."

"Yeah," Zay agreed. "Yeah. I'll go in my car and you'll drive Lucas. We'll meet at his place then I'll take you home."

"Great," Riley retorted. "See everything works out smoothly."

Lucas nodded, understanding what they were saying even though he was still thinking slow. He reached into his pockets and handed over his keys, taking her hand in the process and walking towards his truck.

**_ooo_**

The drive with Lucas was quiet. He was texting on his phone, laughing at videos he took during the party. The videos were loud and consisted of him rapping along to his favorite rap songs and recording his friends doing stupid, drunkenly things.

All Riley could find herself thinking about was the girl Lucas was hugging. She knew it was something so simple but there was something about the way he was hugging her and the fact that she seemed to overly enjoy Lucas' company.

She wanted to ask him about it, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to sound jealous, even though a part of her was. What Victoria said had gotten to her and she didn't want to keep stressing over it.

She licked her lips before making a right-hand turn. "Hey, who was that girl you hugged at the party?"

"What girl?" he asked, quickly glancing over in her direction.

"What do you mean what girl? How many did you hug?" A part of her didn't like the fact that he was confused, it made her feel like he was trying to deny it or he was genuinely so drunk he couldn't remember something he did fifteen minutes before. "She had a white hoodie and long hair. I don't know her name, but you seemed to know her."

"Oh, Myra? She's just a friend, she's super chill. I hadn't seen her in a few minutes and she saw me and decided to say hi. She wanted to meet you, but you were talking to Victoria so I just said we'd talk some other time."

"Oh," Riley said, feeling a bit better that she wanted to meet her.

"Why? Who'd you think I was hugging?"

"No, I just...I don't know it just seemed like you really liked her."

"Well, yeah, but as a friend. Nothing more."

She turned to him, "Great. Uh...is this it?"

He looked outside the window and saw that she had stopped his truck just outside his front door. "Yeah. Just park right here on the driveway."

When they stepped out, Lucas had missed the crack on the floor and slipped. Falling on his back on the cold cement.

"Are you okay?" Riley asked running towards his side.

"Yeah," he groaned. "Just help me up."

She extended her arm and helped him to his feet. There were bits of dirt and marks on his shirt, but they came off when she wiped them off with her hand. "You're okay, you're not hurt, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Thank you. Zay should be here in a few minutes, I don't know why he's late."

"It's fine. You should go in, get some rest. That was a pretty hard fall. You're not going to be feeling to well in the morning."

"No, I'm not going to leave you out here alone. Plus, it gives me time to do this." He brought her closer to him, kissing her in the process. Riley could taste the alcohol in his lips and his toungue, but she didn't mind it.

A few minutes went by and Zay had still not arrived. As Lucas called Zay, badgering him for being late, Riley was going through her phone, watching the videos Lucas posted about himself rapping. She thought it was cute, even though he looked drunk on about every single video he was taking. She started watching other videos on people's Snap and when she came across Victoria's, she smiled. They had connected and she was happy to have made a new friend.

When she saw what she had posted, her smile immediately flatlined. She felt her stomach freeze and her expression change. "What is this?" she asked Lucas, waving her phone at him.

He turned around and looked at the picture she was holding up for him, the video was blurry at first, but his eyes quickly adjusted to it.

"Fuck," he cursed, the weight of realization came barreling toward him, knocking him senseless. "I-I -"

Her eyes were stabbing him, staring at him sternly.

He looked down at the picture in her phone. It was a picture of him and Victoria. Lucas was in the bathroom with her posing for a picture. The thing was, his shirt was off and her hands were on his abs; kissing his cheek like she was the happiest girl in the world.

The picture couldn't have been taken longer than a half-hour ago.

Meaning that while she was looking for Lucas, he was in the bathroom taking pictures with her - who abruptly decided to leave the second Lucas was no longer standing outside.

She felt herself go numb with the thought she pieced together in her head. The photo was weird and she couldn't believe that Victoria had posted something like that. She was touching Lucas in a way that upset her because 1, Victoria was not dating him, and 2) the picture looked intimate.

She wished the look on Lucas' face could've fixed everything, but he hadn't. He looked frozen and stuck at the picture in his hand. She decided to take her phone back, but he refused to give it.

"I know how it looks, but you need to believe me when I tell you that it was nothing."

"Nothing?" she asked him. "Lucas, you took off your shirt. You're alone in a bathroom with her. Don't you see how this looks? It looks like you two are basically about to fuck. I mean would you like it if I was in the bathroom with a guy and I was letting him touch my bra?"

"I'm sorry, Riley. I was drunk-I'm drunk and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't even remember taking that picture."

"You wanna know what, it's not just the picture that's upsetting me. I want to know what happened before, like how did you two end up in the same bathroom. Did she just open the door when you were in there and you guys just decided to take a picture to laugh at the moment or what?"

Lucas had never seen this side of her. She was upset about something and he understood why, which made it harder for him to explain what really happened. He knew how it looked on his end and he was angry with himself because he couldn't think straight, he was drunk and reacting to things extremely slowly. "I'll tell her to delete it."

"That doesn't change the fact that it happened!" she basically yelled. She couldn't describe the emotions she was feeling. "Did you do anything?"

"What?" he questioned, frustratedly. "Riley, why the hell would I do anything with her? I'm dating you -"

"Yet you still posed for a picture with her like this. You know exactly how this looks and you still did it - "

"I'm fucking drunk!"

"That doesn't matter! Drunk or not you still did it. It's shady, Lucas. You know what? It's not just you that I'm mad at right now, it's her. She was basically fantasizing about dating you I should've seen this coming."

"Riley, I don't know what else you to say, besides I'm sorry and we didn't do anything. We did nothing!"

She felt his hands, he was pulling her towards him, holding her close, scared that he was about to lose her. "Lucas, I'm gonna need some time to think this one through."

He nodded.

"Alone, because this..." she said pointing to her phone, stepping back from him. "This is just..." she didn't know the word to describe how she felt. Lucas had the entire car ride to tell her and he hadn't. It only upset her even more.

Just then, Zay's car pulled up and she quickly got in. Ignoring Lucas' calls and text messages for the entire day.

**_oOoOoOoOo_**

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading. A lot happened in this chapter and you guys got a better insight into Missy's life. Let me know what you think and there will be a two week break coming soon. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review. **


	9. 8: Falling Deeper in Love

**A/N: Okay so I'm addressing this because it's getting out of hand. I've had to delete the rest of the reviews because you guys started turning on each other and it became more than just the plot you guys were attacking. I'm not gonna tolerate any form of arguing or bullying between readers. I feel like as a writer I need to step in and prevent that from happening. That being said I want to let you guys know that I've heard you guys LOUD and clear, and I need you guys to TRUST that the direction Joshaya is heading, IS worth it. The catch is that it will be a while till you guys get a clear picture of it's direction. There'll be subtle hints that scratch the surface - like this one - that talks about it. The reason it's going to take a while is because ALL these upcoming chapters have been pre-written for months now and I can't go back and change a plot that will affect my future planned chapters. BUT it WILL be worth it. I can't express it enough and at this point it's beyond my control, I can't control your guys's reactions. I forget who said it but there was a guest that said that I wasn't listening to criticism. I did. I am. It helps my writing. I've always listened to my readers before it's just this moment that you guys will need to be patient for a while longer.**

**There were too many reviews to address and you all mostly talked about the same thing so I won't be doing it this chapter. If there's still any confusion let me know in the review section - I'll always address confusion. I just need to guys to promise that you won't attack anything to the extent it got with last weeks chapter. **

**Lastly, to all the kind reviewers who were sticking up and defending me I want to thank you guys. You guys made my day and you're the reason I continue writing because there's always those people who support unconditionally. It means the world to me. Sending ya'll much love. **

**So THIS is the chapter before the mid-finale. Only one more chapter left to go before the story goes on a temporary two week hiatus. So you guys will see a lot of Rucas conflict in this chapter. You'll be able to see just how toxic Rucas will become with this chapter. Only the second half will highlight more. **

**Chapter 8 pt. 1**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**ooo**_

The first days of November were hard for Riley. She was heartbroken by what happened Halloween night and refused to answer any of Lucas' text messages. He told her that nothing happened between him and Victoria and all they did was take the picture together, but he wasn't sober enough to realize what he was doing was wrong.

She wanted him to know how betrayed she felt, how upset she grew, but she decided it was best if she kept it all to herself. She didn't want her emotions to complicate things and the worst part about it all, Victoria hadn't even texted her or bothered to explain herself. Lucas told Riley that he got her to delete the picture because it was wrong of her to post it, but the fact that she didn't apologize for it, made Riley agitated.

She knew people saw the photo. It was obvious when they stared at her in the hallways. She didn't make eye contact with them, she just walked straight to class and spend every minute of it with Isadora and Maya.

They were the first to text her when the photo was posted. They asked what was going on and Riley filled them in on everything. She told them Lucas was drunk and confessed everything, they both told her that talking to him would fix things, but she was too torn to bring herself to call him and talk about it.

To make matters worse, Lucas didn't make an effort to talk to her in person.

They didn't cross paths at school and she hadn't seen him for the past six days.

People thought they were broken up and so did Riley for a few days, but Lucas made it clear that he was giving her space to think about it.

November was strong with rain and heavy weather and it didn't help her feel better. From morning to night, the clouds were dark and the air was cold, she felt that the weather had somehow changed with her feelings.

At night, she spent a lot of time reflecting on the night of the Halloween party. The ride back with Zay was awkward, he asked her what was going on and she wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Lucas texted him, filling him on all the details and got Zay to talk to her.

She ended up telling him more than she thought was needed. She said she was frustrated and angry that even drunk he couldn't realize what he was doing was wrong. A huge part of the reason she was even angrier than she thought was necessary, was that the photo had been posted. So everybody knew what happened between them.

Then, on a Wednesday afternoon when Riley was walking home, she got a text from Lucas. He wanted to talk to her, he said that he wanted another chance to apologize in person and if she was still mad at him, then she could end things with him once in for all.

Even though she was angry for a longer period than she thought was appropriate, she didn't want to break up with him. She really liked him and she wanted to protect their relationship.

So they met.

His truck smelled exactly like him. Sitting inside of it made her feel comfortable like she had returned to a place she belonged. Looking at him was refreshing, she didn't understand how much she missed him until she was able to look at him again. One look at his eyes made her realize how much she needed to spend time with him. It made her realize how wrong she was to overexaggerate her anger with him because she refused to see him.

When he revealed what happened that night - and emphasized the part where they did nothing intimate besides hug - Riley forgave him. She felt it was time to do so.

Her heart fluttered when a smile on his lips appeared and he released a breath of relief. "Oh, thank God," he muttered. "I really thought you were going to break up with me."

They stayed in his car talking for another hour, holding hands, making out, and appreciating each other's company. They talked like nothing ever happened and like they hadn't spent anything time apart, everything they did felt normal again and Riley really loved that about him.

The rain only made their conversation that much better.

Riley looked out his window, drawing figures on his window. She wrote _Riley & Lucas _in cursive many times and when he saw, he laughed.

"Hey, Lucas?"

"Yeah."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" she asked, innocently.

He looked away for a second, staring at the blurred lights outside his steamed window. "I already told you I don't want to go to college."

"Yeah, but that's different," she turned to him. "This is your passion, not your education."

A part of him still couldn't answer her. Truth was, it was a complicated thing for him. "I want to be a professional football player."

There was something about his answer that wasn't convincing her, he sounded bland and unmotivated by it. "I think you're lying."

"Lying?" he asked. "Why would I lie? I'm not."

She stayed quiet. "I don't believe you, but okay."

The silence lengthened and Lucas couldn't help, but look at her, studying her with squinting eyes. She was dressed in an oversized hoodie with sweats to keep her warm and her hands were tucked in her sleeves. He was she was his girlfriend. "How'd you know?"

"What?" she turned to him quickly. "I was right?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "Did someone tell you?"

"No. I swear. Nobody told me anything." Riley was stunned. Even though she didn't believe him, the fact that she was right shocked her completely. "That's so crazy, I can't believe I figured that out."

"You're the first that's ever guessed it. Everybody sees that I'm good at this so they assume that playing football is what I want to do. That's all I've been told my entire life, so I listened, but...I don't know. I don't really like football if I'm honest."

"Really?" she asked just as shocked as she was before. "I can't believe I didn't notice this before. So, if you didn't like it why did you play it all these years?"

He wasn't ready to tell her the real reason. "I just... it's the only thing I'm good at."

"That's not true."

"If you keep complimenting me I'm gonna have to kiss you."

She laughed, holding his hand. "So if you don't want to play football, what do you want to do?"

"It sounds corny, but I've always loved animals."

Riley smiled.

"I know," he cringed.

"No, it's not corny. I love it."

"I haven't told anyone, so keep it a secret."

"Don't worry. I'll protect your secret with my entire life," she joked. "But, what would you want to do with animals?"

"I don't know, I mean just helping them. Being near them."

She squished his hand happily, shaking it uncontrollably in the air. "You should definitely be a veterinarian. You'll be perfect for it."

"Do you think so?" he asked. This was the first time he was being told about something that he had a genuine interest for. When people talked to him about the opportunities in professional football, he was always sidetracked or distracted but hearing Riley say he wanted to be a veterinarian sounded right. Sounded like something he saw himself exploring.

"I know so. Wow, look at us. A future lawyer and veterinarian. I'm proud of us."

"Yeah," he agreed, kissing her cheek. "_Us_."

**_ooo_**

Riley was sure the entire school knew she and Lucas were back together the following Thursday. Lucas posted a picture of the two of them the night before and captioned it with a simple heart. She wanted people to know because they stared at her obsessively the entire time they were apart, she felt embarrassed by it because people thought that she had been cheated on.

They didn't know the entire story, they just jumped to conclusions and stuck with them.

Plus, Riley would have the satisfaction in proving that not even Victoria or Missy - if she ever tried - could break them up.

She set her stuff down and took a seat inside her least favorite class of all. The reason she hated this class with her entire heart wasn't that it was boring, but because Missy Bradford sat behind her.

She always liked to mess with her and throw things at her, but this time she wasn't going to let it happen. She knew why Missy treated her this way and she wasn't going to succumb to any of her insults.

In fact, she was even intimidated.

After all, Missy envied her.

When she started talking about Lucas, Riley felt herself get angry. She wanted to keep her composure, but it bugged her. Missy liked to run her mouth more than anything else.

"But who cares, right?" Missy asked her friend. "It wouldn't be the first time Lucas did something like this when he was drunk. It's what he blames it on every time he fucks -"

"It must be hard not knowing when to shut up," Riley spat, her glaring glare becoming darker. "And it's really cute that you think you're going to make me upset with everything you've been saying lately. It's not working, in fact, it just lets me know how obsessed you are with my boyfriend. Plus, I'm sure all these words you said are outside your vocabulary so I'll give you that. Congratulations, Missy. You stay acting up, but I think it's time you develop a decent personality because all this talking is making your insecurities start to show."

"Girls," the teacher said from in front of the classroom. "Is there anything you'd like to share?"

"No," both girls answered in unison.

"Then which one of you two can answer the question on the board? Or were you not paying attention either?"

They both turned to read the question.

_What does the conch represent in Lord of The Flies?"_

"Um, I don't know," Missy exclaimed, "The sea?"

"Actually, it represents balance and order," Riley stated as a matter-of-fact. "The boys were scared when they first landed on the island and didn't know what to do, but the conch brings the boys together and they're able to make rules that'll help them survive."

"That's correct, Ms. Matthews. Glad to see one of you guys are actually doing their homework."

Riley felt the need to rub it into Missy's face, but she didn't. Instead, she just turned around, smiled, and looked away.

_**ooo**_

It took a while for Maya to get over her anger at Josh.

Now that she knew they were going to break up at some point, she wanted to spend every second of their time together. She knew spending time apart would be difficult for her so she tried anything in everything to see him and be near him.

He didn't know that she was well of aware of his secret. Maya could've confronted him and felt like doing so, but she was certain it was just as hard on Josh as it was for her.

So she valued every second they spent together. She enjoyed the short conversation, the car rides, their dates, every second of every moment with him, she cherished it all.

Even too much at times.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Josh questioned her as he used his phone. He noticed she had been staring at him for a while now and he couldn't help, but wonder she was silently poking fun of him; something she'd typically done. "Is there something on my face?"

She shook her head no, smiling. "That was cute, but no. I'm staring at you because I love you."

He turned to her and kissed her nose. "I love you too."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and took in his smell. At times he felt unreal to her and she couldn't help, but realize how lucky she was to have him in her life.

"Josh?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"What's going on? Why are you being so nice - ?"

"Just shut up and accept my love," she said jokingly. "I'm trying to be a loving girlfriend right now."

"Okay," he murmured, kissing her over and over again. He cuddled her and leaned his head on her neck. There was something about this moment alone that made him think of their future together. He started to feel the dread in knowing he would need to break up with her and dread the moment he would see her heart break right in front of him. He never knew he would be the reason she experienced her second true heartbreak.

He didn't want to be the second guy in her life that let her down. And all this thinking had him questioning one thing:

Was he making the wrong choice?

Maya felt herself sheepishly shy away from his love in the cutest way. She loved that he could always return his love for her just as much as she could be romantic and supportive towards him. They were perfect for each other and she refused to let their relationship die before he ended things.

The irony of it all:

Knowing that their relationship was coming to an end made her fall deeper in love with him. She knew for a fact that letting him go would be the hardest thing in her life.

If it ever came to that.

_**ooo**_

"Boom!" Zay exclaimed as he dropped a stack of papers on Farkle's desk. They were together for another tutoring lesson and this time Zay had some good news to share with him. "Check this out!"

He handed him a stapled paper with a red circle on the corner edge of it. "Your essay?"

"Yee, look at it," Zay encouraged, pointing to the circled grade.

"An 81%!" Farkle questioned, nearly freaking out. "Did you really?"

"Yes."

"Holy shit," he stared at the corrections his teacher made and was surprised that there weren't that many. He lacked explanation in his analysis, but besides that everything seemed great. "You fucking did that."

Zay joined him, sitting beside him. "She said I made her proud."

"I'm sure you did. You were pulling D's and F's before I started helping you out."

"I don't know how to thank you, Farkle. I really don't...just let me know if you need anything."

"Yeah," he said, "Yeah. I'll see you around then."

Before Zay could walk away he noticed something in Farkle's expression. Besides seeming tired, there was something else about him that was making him think something was wrong.

He looked distraught. Which he'd never seen in Farkle.

He felt like asking him about it, but a part of him didn't know how to. They were friends yes, but they weren't close enough to have a heart to heart conversation or be honest with each other about personal things. He was just his tutor, not his best friend.

He decided to take a risk and ask him. He waited for the right moment to do so and when he found Farkle getting sidetracked, he asked him. "Hey, Farkle. You seem sad. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said, but even Zay couldn't believe it. Farkle wasn't a good liar and it didn't help that he wouldn't make eye contact.

"You can trust me, you know? I feel like I owe you something so just know you can come to me with things like this, I don't judge. I promise."

"Zay, I already told you. I'm fine - " he lied.

The truth was, Farkle wasn't.

There _was_ something on his mind that had been bugging him lately. He didn't want to tell Isadora about it and he didn't want Zay to know about it either, but there was something about wanting to help him out that Farkle seemed to draw towards.

"Okay, c'mon what is it? You're being a little less Farkley today," Zay badgered a few minutes later. Farkle made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it, but now that they were halfway through their lesson and Farkle hadn't really helped him much, he needed to know what was going on with him. "I made a mistake on my paragraph on purpose to see if you would notice it and you didn't, so whatever this is you need to tell me now."

He sighed, sitting back on his seat, giving up from keeping his secret any longer. "My great-grandfather left Denmark and came to America right after World War II."

Zay didn't expect for this to be about his ancestry. A few days ago Farkle told him that he had started to take an interest in his ancestry, but now that he seemed sad about it, Zay figured whatever he found out about mustn't have been good. "Did he leave alone?"

He nodded. "I think he was the only one left."

"Only one left? What does that mean? What about the other Minki," he joked, turning to face him. "Where'd they go?"

"I don't think there were others," he confessed.

"Well, who are they?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know, there weren't any birth records. All I know is that during World War II he was adopted by a Christian family named Minkus in Denmark and they wanted to help him."

Zay stayed silent as he watched him collect his thoughts. It didn't take long before he was able to figure out what Farkle had not yet told him. "Your great-grandfather was Jewish," he concluded.

Farkle looked at him. He knew Zay would get it, he wasn't as clueless as he made himself out to be. "They helped him live."

He didn't know what to tell him. He could just sit there and keep him company, he figured that's what Farkle needed.

"Sometimes it's really hard when you find out your story. I don't know why it's affecting me this hard I didn't even know them, but for so many years we were taught about the Holocaust and the terrible things that happened and I always pitied the families that had to go through that, but now that I know what _my _family has gone through that it-it almost makes it personal."

"I get what you mean, Farkle. Trust me, I do. When my parents first sat me down and taught me what the word 'slavery' meant it changed the way I saw things at first. It was hard knowing that for hundreds of years people that looked like me were oppressed, that we were killed, lynched, and treated like we were different when we weren't. It's tough, but hey, you learn and you never forget. Think about it this way, you're gonna be able to tell your kids their history and where they're from. They won't have to go looking for clues like you have."

Zay was right. Farkle's dad didn't even know about their family's history and he was gonna have to break the news to him, but at least his dad was going to know.

"I found out about these Christian rescuers that would protect Jewish babies. I found an article on them and I'm gonna look into it. I want to focus on the good things that happened, because in darkness there is light, right?"

Zay nodded. "That's exactly it. I'm free if you ever want to keep talking about it, okay?"

"Thank you, Zay. That means a lot."

_**ooo**_

The dim light and the combination of hundreds of screen produced an almost eerie shine across Maya's cheeks and facial features, but the only good it did was make Josh smile.

"Wow, easy there," he began as he turned to the video game in the arcade. They were currently competing and he took a moment to appreciate his girlfriend, only she was too invested into killing her opponent. "You look like you're into it."

"That's because I'm kicking your ass," she taunted in defense.

Josh's smile became smug, "Please you know I could win you at any game in here in my sleep."

"Is that a challenge?" she questioned him. She turned to look at his shirt that complimented his slight muscular build, it was black and his sleeves were rolled up. His pulled back hair only made him look all the more charming and attractive to Maya.

"Only if you're down for it."

Her glowing glare became challenging. "Okay, I am. But what do I get when I wipe your ass in all of these games?"

"If you win, which you won't, you get to pick our next date."

Maya chuckled, "That's cute that you think picking our next date is a reward. How about this? If I win, you become my minion for the next week. You do everything I ask you to do."

"For a whole week?" he asked.

"Yes," Maya clarified. "But I won't make you do anything too embarrassing."

She started smiling at all the things she'd ask of him, he'd take her to the mall, buy her favorite things, and spoil her. She wanted it so much she could basically taste it.

"So technically nothing changes," he said jokingly. "Okay, I'm down with that. But if I win, you get to...well, I shouldn't say it in public," so he whispered it in her ear and she could feel her knees wobble. She loved it when he spoke like that to her. "Do we have a deal?"

"I win either way," she said covering the blush on her cheek and reaching for his hand. She walked him to the opposite side of the arcade. Amidst the maze of machines, the blonde settled for one that appeared to be the simplest. The corresponding cabinets' side were black with simple lettering that Josh didn't understand. "This one."

"What even is it?"

"The rules are simple, aim for the red balloon."

"That's it?" he questioned, surprised she'd choose an easy game. "Okay. You're on."

Even though he'd never played the game before and had no idea how it worked, he wasn't going to let Maya know that. They both inserted their coins and watched as the flickering screen turned on, eyeing the void colors and graphic design. A dotted white line divided the screen to represent their corresponding characters.

They both struggled when the game began. The balloon kept shifting places and they kept missing their target. Josh and Maya were too impatient with their dials but when they got the hang of it, they were surprisingly even. As the game continued and they were reaching extremely high numbers, they attracted a crowd of children ranging from ages four to seven. The little boys cheered for Josh and the little girls cheered for Maya. At some point they began to get competitive with each other they couldn't help, but smile.

It was the cutest thing.

When the game came to an end, Maya and Josh were unaware of their score. The videogame began to show the ending credits and then their numbers appeared.

**Maya: 698208.99997**

**Josh: 698208.99999**

"Boom!" Josh cheered. "I win." He turned back to face the crowd of little boys as they cheered him on and high fived him. The look on Maya's face was priceless and he loved every second of it. "It was cute that you thought you could beat me, though."

"That's not fair. You won by like .0-something-2 points. I hardly call that a win."

"It's still a win, babe," he brought her closer to him and kissed her lips. Just then he was reminded of their deal. "I believe you owe me something."

Maya found herself blushing again, "I don't know I suddenly can't remember anymore." She said playfully. "C'mon let's go."

As they walked out the arcade and Josh thought about what they were going to do next, he couldn't help but wonder one thing. "Hey, don't you think it's weird that we're always having sex in my car?"

_**ooo**_

Lucas watched from a distance as Riley talked to Sean Mariani. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but whatever it was Riley seemed to take a deep interest in it. She never once broke eye contact with him and every time he took a step back, she would take a step closer. Riley and Lucas agreed that meeting at his truck after school would be their _thing_, it was their unspoken tradition, but when she stopped to have conversations with guys that he didn't know and kept him waiting, Lucas grew frustrated.

He didn't like to wait around for people, especially if he was the one driving.

Lucas sat inside his truck on the driver's seat, waiting for her to hurry so he could take her home. By the time she made it to his truck, he was as frustrated as could be and annoyed with her for making him wait.

Like usual, Riley didn't notice his frustration until he started showing it. She would change the radio station and he'd make her change it back because her taste in music was _"terrible." _She'd use her phone and he'd get throw a fit because he wasn't talking to her. She'd say something and he'd prolong his breath to show how uninterested he was.

Riley could never understand why he was always in a bad mood at times and why he would always project that anger onto her when she would do nothing wrong. She thought ignoring it would be the best thing she could do, but at times it became impossible to let slide.

"Who's that for?" Lucas asked the second he saw Riley take a picture of herself and then send it to someone. He was eyeing the entire gesture from the corner of his eye and was confident she sent it to somebody.

"Just a friend," she answered, casually; not wanting to bring any more attention to it.

"A friend?" he questioned his gaze on the road ahead of him. Lucas didn't like that Riley was short talking him, she wasn't responding sufficiently as he expected her to and it only added to his frustrations.

"Yeah, Lucas. A friend."

He sighed, "And you're not gonna tell me who it is or...?"

She stayed quiet for a second, "Do I need to?"

"Do you need to?" he questioned her, clearly annoyed. "Riley, what type of question is that?"

"Lucas, why do you need to know?" she turned towards him, slightly raising her voice. She had enough of the subtle gestures and the tone in his voice and she wasn't going to tolerate it anymore.

"Why are you upset? It was just a simple question."

"I'm not the one who's upset. You're the one who's been acting so rude lately! We've been in this truck for less than ten minutes and you already have me yelling at you because you're acting like a jerk."

"A jerk? _How_ am I acting like a jerk?" he asked with a furrowed forehead and a tinge of anger in his voice.

"It's all in your comments. You get mad because I change the station, you get mad because I use my phone, you get mad because I don't respond to you, you get mad _because_ I respond to you...like what's up your ass? Why is everything bothering you so much?"

He didn't know what to say to her. He just made a turn onto the next street and continued driving. "So you're not going to tell me who it is?

She released the loudest sigh known to man. It was official: she was irritated. "I'm not telling you. It's not a question worth asking in the first place - "

"You know what," he said, parking his truck on the side of the road, "You must be hiding some shit if it has you this worked up."

"Are you serious? You really just did that, wow. You love to overreact."

"I'm not overreacting! Just answer my question and I'll take you home."

"No," she answered stubbornly. "Apologize for being such an asshole and _then_ I'll tell you who the picture was for."

"I'm not apologizing. Fuck that. I had every right to ask you who you're sending pictures to and you know that - "

"What right?" she called out impatiently. "What right, Lucas?"

"I'm your _fucking_ boyfriend, that's why!" he yelled in an obnoxious tone.

She laughed, "Okay, let's get one thing straight: just because you're my boyfriend does not give you the right to question what I do when I'm on my phone. You don't have a right to know who I text and who I don't, got it? Does being my boyfriend immediately mean you have access to my personal life or the right to know what size bra I wear, no it doesn't Lucas."

"When you say it like that you make it sound stupid - "

"Because it is!" she deadpanned. "It's so fucking stupid. I'm surprised you're even getting mad this."

He took the keys out the ignition and put them in his pockets to upset her even more. "You still haven't told me who you sent the picture to."

"Are you serious?" she asked in disbelief. "You're actually serious. You're not going to take me home because I won't tell you who I sent a blurry picture to? Great."

He looked outside his window. "Let me see go through your phone and I'll take you home."

"See," she gestured towards him, disappointedly. "Why do you even need to know in the first place? It was just a simple picture it's not like he's gonna send me a picture of his dick-"

"So it's a dude?" he pressured. "Now you're definitely giving me your phone."

"Oh my gosh - "

"Riley. You're making this difficult! Just give me your phone!"

"No. You don't need to see it -"

"Bullshit, hand it over! You're hiding something I know you are and you don't want to get caught. The more you argue the more you're convincing me."

"What suspicion do you have of it though? You just want to see my phone because you want to win this argument - "

"I just want to know who he is, babe. And the fact that it's got you this upset about it isn't changing my mind. That's fucking sus, Riley!"

She stared at him intensely. She wanted to yell at him and tell him he was overreacting, but she knew that wouldn't get her anywhere. He'd keep arguing.

She tossed her phone at him, causing him to flinch in the process. When it was in his hands, he began to flip through every possible tab on her phone and went through every single social media app on her phone. When he went on her Snapchat he found that she had been texting a guy named Hayden. "Who the fuck is this?"

"You can't even tell who that is? Hayden? What other Hayden do we have in our school?"

"Richards?" Lucas asked her, calmly.

She nodded.

"Since when do you talk to him?"

"Since like forever," she answered him dryly.

"Not anymore," he demanded strictly. "I don't want you talking to him."

"You can't be serious - "

"Well, I am," he looked down at her phone and read their saved messages. "Why the _fuck_ is he calling you pretty?"

"That was months ago, Lucas - "

"Then why are they still saved?!" he yelled frustratedly. "Oh my God, there's more." He continued to read them. "What's the reason, Riley? There's no reason for you to save them saved unless there's something going on."

She put her hand on her forehead. The arguing and yelling were so intense her head had started to ache because of it. "I used to save them when I was younger. Now, I don't. Those messages were from over a year ago, I haven't gone back and un-saved them."

"Don't worry about that I'm doing it now," his thumbs pressed every single inch of the screen on her phone and Riley could see their saved messages disappear. She was so angry, so frustrated with him she couldn't even wrap her finger around his logic. To make matters worse, the entire argument started because she sent her friend a blurry selfie. "Just a friend, right?" he said, bringing her phone to her face so she could see the shirtless selfie Hayden sent her.

"We were sophomores, Lucas. That was over a year ago."

"I don't care. This doesn't look like you guys were friends at some point." When he was done going through her phone, he handed it over and started the truck. They spent an entire half-hour arguing and trading insults back and forth before they stopped, and even after all that yelling, they still couldn't reach a mutual understanding.

Lucas didn't see anything wrong in going through her phone and Riley wasn't going to stop texting her friend.

When he dropped her off, Riley didn't even bother to wait for him to say goodbye. She just opened the door and stepped out of his truck, slamming it shut before walking inside.

A few hours later and Lucas was texting Riley. He said he felt bad for overreacting and she apologized for escalating their argument. He told her he wanted to see her and he took her out for a few hours. When they were halfway through their drive-in date, Lucas asked her if she wanted to go to Zay's basketball game. She nodded, excitedly because her newfound friendship was beginning to turn into something special to her.

She got to see a side of Zay she hadn't seen before and she was convinced he was a good person. He was there for her when Riley was upset with Lucas and she valued his wisdom and the advice he gave her.

By the time they got there, the game was halfway done, but she didn't mind it. They took their seat on the bleachers and watched as a play had just started. Zay was quick with his movements and could successfully score a few of his shots. It was obvious to her he was one of the better players.

Not even a few minutes in and Lucas felt himself getting annoyed by the amount of excitement Riley was feeling from watching Zay play. She was the loudest in the gym, cheering Zay on and congratulating him every time he made a shot. He'd always turn and smile in her direction and it pissed Lucas off.

He didn't know they were friends too and if he was honest, he didn't like it. He didn't know when and where they bonded and started being friendly with each other which pissed him off even more.

He realized that at some point, during Riley and Lucas' break from each other, Riley and Zay became friends. His jaw began to clench at the thought of them meeting up and having fun behind his back. He started to question her motives and fill in the empty pieces, he needed to know when and how long they had been this kind of close.

"Don't you think you should calm down a bit?" he asked her. "You're being really loud."

"I'm sorry is it bugging you?" she questioned. The look on his face answered his question, but she didn't mind it. She was there to support her friend and she didn't understand why he wasn't doing the same for Zay, they were best friends after all.

Twenty minutes went by and Lucas had enough of it. He was annoyed once again and he couldn't tolerate it this time. He just kept thinking about the time they must've spent together when he and Riley were apart.

"I'm gonna head out. C'mon, let's go."

"Why? We haven't been here for that long."

"Riley, let's go," he said demandingly.

She stared at him for a few seconds, knowing all too well he was upset. "No. I'm not leaving."

He stood there, staring at her until their eyes met once again. "You're serious? You're not gonna leave with me?"

She shook her head no. "I want to watch the entire game. It's getting interesting."

"Who's gonna take you home then?"

"I'll ask Josh."

"Josh isn't even here - "

"He can pick me up," she informed. "You don't have to wait for me if you have to be somewhere. You can leave already."

His jaw clenched and it was obvious he was upset.

Riley thought they were going to argue once again, but he gave her a dry nod and walked away. She wanted to understand where his anger was coming from, but she didn't know. And she didn't care.

She just wanted to rant to him about his behavior, but she didn't have the energy to do so. And it didn't help that she knew how he acted when they were arguing.

When the game was over, Riley congratulated Zay on his win. He was sweating and heaving up and down, but the smile on his face was strong. "Second dub of the week!" he cheered. "Where'd Lucas go? I saw him leave earlier."

"He had somewhere to be," she answered, not feeling the need to tell him that he was also upset.

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked her.

She nodded.

"C'mon."

Once they were outside and started walking to his car, a truck on the opposite side of the parking lot turned it's headlights on, sped it's way passed them and onto the street. It was quick, but Riley was sure it was Lucas. She felt her heart race and came to the conclusion that Lucas had waited for her to see who she would leave with.

She just didn't understand why he was so upset about her being friends with Zay.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: This is nothing compared to how toxic the relationship will become in the upcoming chapters. If you thought this was stressful, just wait till you see what's in stores later. You're gonna want to see it, trust me. I hope to see the majority of you guys in the next chapter, but for some reason, I feel like many of you won't. I just want to say thank you even for taking the time of day to give me your feedback, even if they weren't positive at all. I see your intention and you only wanted the best outcome for the story which was a shared interest we had. **

**Thank you, guys. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	10. 9: Winter Blues

**A/N: So I know I said this was the mid-finale - insinuating that we were already halfway through with the story - and even though it's technically true, there's been a change of plans. While mapping out the upcoming chapters, I realized that my chapters were going to be a little longer than 8k words, so I split them up into two chapters. This Means there will be more chapters to the story than I orginally intended to. So I guess that's a win-win for you guys. I still plan on taking a two week break a****fter this week's chapter before I come back with the second half of the series. A lot more things are heading your way and things are already starting to go downhill for Rucas. I think you guys will be surprised with the change in direction in the next half of the series, I guess we'll just have to see after the two week break. I honestly can't wait for you guys to read it.**

**Guest: I was already heading in this direction with Joshaya, you guys just jumped onto the hate train before I could get the chapter out...lmao. And yeah, that's exactly it. Lucas can be very slapable at times. **

**tee: Joshaya is a topic that is going to be further explored within the series. Just know you'll be getting more of them. **

**fed up: Thank you, girl. Hope you enjoy!  
**

**Guest: You won't need to worry about that. **

**Estelle: Thank you for the suggestions and thank you for reading. **

**Tilly: More will be explored with Joshaya when that moment gets closer, but I think it's resolved in a caring way. The extent to Rucas toxicity will be exploed further in the second half, hope you enjoy. **

**Chapter 8 pt. 2**

_**Lose You to Love Me**_

_**this dancing was killing me softly **_

_**ooo**_

Riley stared at her reflection in her vanity, her hair was tied in a bun with lose strands of hair to frame her face. She was dressed in sweats, UGG boots, and an oversized sweater to keep her warm. Her room was purple and cozy and little light from her bay window illuminated her room.

She spent half of her Saturday afternoon practicing her makeup. She was brainstorming the different looks she could go for now that autumn was coming to an end and winter was about to begin.

She looked at the makeup palettes below her and searched for a brush. Once she found one, she used stippling motions to apply a minimal amount of eyeshadow on her peachy brown eyelids to see what kind of effect it would leave behind.

The more she experimented with the color, the more and more she fell in love with the result. She moved onto the lipsticks and searched for a pink-ish color, one that would compliment her look and keep it subtle. As she finished her look and admired the result in the mirror, she heard her phone chime from across her room. After turning it on and reading who it was from, she sighed.

It was Lucas.

She sighed because they hadn't talked since the day they argued. He texted her to remind her about their date they planned the week before. When they first planned it, Riley was extremely happy to get to see him, but now that they had gotten into a big fight, she felt like staying home. Truth was, she was still upset at him for unfriending Hayden on all her social media accounts. She had to explain to him why that happened and instead of being honest, she told him a huge lie. She did this because she felt the need to protect Lucas' image.

She thought of different ways she could cancel their date. She thought of things she could say, lies she could use to get him to see why she couldn't make it, but once she started to type them down, the train of thought left her head. She didn't know how to reject him and it didn't help that part of her felt like telling him the real truth. But she wasn't going to let herself do that.

Instead, she told him she was unable to make it because she was sick. She asked him if they could reschedule and instead go on their date the following week, he took a while to respond, but he agreed.

She mentally cheered at his response and returned to her vanity. In a way, she was sad that canceling their date made her happy, but a part of her needed to spend some time away from him. If she didn't then she wouldn't have to get over the anger she felt towards him.

Not long after, her phone chimed once again and she was sure it was Lucas at first, but it wasn't. This time it was Maya.

**_hey girl, do you want to get your nails done with me?_**

A smile lit on her face.

Riley longed for a message like that from the blonde. She was in desperate need of a girl's night and she knew Maya would turn her negatives into positives. She agreed excitedly and in a few minute's time, Maya and Riley were on their way to the nail salon.

The drive was fairly long and they spent the entire time discussing the color they would choose for their nails. Maya opted to go for a peach color while Riley felt like a blue would suit the wintertime perfectly. As they continued to talk about their nails, Riley began to notice that a truck had been following them halfway through.

She didn't pay much attention to it at first, but the longer they continued driving, the more it became clear to her. If the car hadn't been following them, then they wouldn't have made the same wrong turn as Maya. "Hey, does that look like Lucas' truck to you?" she asked the blonde.

Maya looked at her mirror and nodded, "Yeah. That's funny. Think he recognizes my car?"

Riley was sure he did. If that was really him then she couldn't afford to let him see her, or worse, he already had and that was the reason he was following them. "Can you lose him?"

"What?" she asked. "Lose him? What are you talking about?"

"Can you get him to stop following you?" Riley advised as she turned around to see his truck, she made sure part of the seat was covering her face just to be safe.

"Following me? Who said he's following me?"

"Just trust me. Get rid of him."

"Why would I hide from him? What's going on?" she asked, quizically. "Why would - "

"Just do it," she interrupted a little less patient this time.

"I really don't understand, why would I do that?" She turned to look at Riley; who seemed anxious, "What's wrong with you? You look scared."

"I'm not scared. Just, please, can you do it? I'll explain later."

"You're something else," she muttered before making a left-hand turn and hiding in an alleyway she was sure Lucas wouldn't find. She didn't know why Riley made her do all of that, it wasn't like they were being followed by a stranger. They weren't in any given danger which is why she couldn't understand the brunette's reaction.

They sat there for a few seconds and Maya watched as Riley stared at every inch of her surroundings, making sure he didn't find them. "You good, girl? You look hysterical."

"He's been following me." She confessed.

"Who? Lucas?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I know how it sounds, but just listen. A few days ago we got into a big argument. He was upset for some reason I don't know about and he started freaking out when I sent a selfie to a friend. He started yelling at me and we got into this huge fight because of it. The point is, he asked to go through my phone and I didn't let him at first. Then I finally gave it to him and he unfollowed Hayden on everything. He told me he didn't want me talking to him and I got mad at him for doing all of that. Then, we went to Zay's basketball game together and he started getting mad at me for not wanting to leave the game early. I told him I'd get a ride and when the game was over Zay offered to take me home. And I said yes..."

"I'm still confused, what does that have - ?"

"Maya, Lucas left half an hour before the game ended and when Zay and I walked out of the gym, I saw his truck on the far end of the parking lot. He waited to see who I would leave with. Don't you think that's creepy? And just yesterday when I walked outside my house to get the mail, I saw Lucas' truck in the corner of my street. I didn't think it was him, but now I think it was. Can't you see how weird this is?"

"Okay, that does sound a little weird, but don't you think you're overreacting a little? Today could've been a huge coincidence. There's a lot of stores near the nail salon that he could've been going to. And if he was following us, don't you think he would've driven passed this street by now?

Riley shook her head no, "He wouldn't know we're here because you lost him. Plus, that still doesn't change the fact that he was driving behind us for the past fifteen minutes."

"...because he was going in the same direction as we are," Maya continued, unable to understand why Riley was acting paranoid. She was on the edge of her seat, freaking out over something she did not see the need to worry about. "And hasn't it occurred to you that those other times it could've been a different truck?"

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, you might be right." She did find herself starting to see what Maya was trying to prove. "I could be freaking out over nothing, but still... don't you think he was wrong for freaking out about Hayden? Or going through my phone?"

Even though Maya had done her fair share in going through Josh's phone, she would've never felt the need to go through it because he had sent a picture to someone. So she was able to understand Riley's point of view. "He probably let his anger get the best of him. You said it yourself Lucas was already mad, what if he overreacted because he was angry with something else?"

She felt herself sigh. She knew Maya would make her realize something she hadn't realized before. There _was_ a chance Lucas overreacted because he was angry and the truth was, Riley hadn't even asked him _why_ he was mad in the first place. It could've been something serious and he was just directing his anger onto that picture. She began to see just how bad she overreacted and felt the need to call him after she got her nails done.

The sun had set by the time they got they were done. She had fun spending time with Maya and felt ready to call Lucas and apologize for being so distant. She knew she didn't have to, but a huge part of her felt like she did. And apologizing was the only way she would feel better for what she had done.

"Hey, call me if anything happens, okay?" said Maya as she watched her friend step out of her car.

Riley nodded, "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

She waved the blonde goodbye and began to search for her keys. The extra layer of nails did not help her hunt through her purse and as she continued to look, she heard a car door close.

When she looked up to see who it was, she saw Lucas. She froze completely.

"Where'd you go?" he questioned, stepping closer to her. From the way he spoke to the way his eyes narrowed down on her, Riley knew he was angry. It was clear that he was. He never tried to hide it.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, timidly. She was more stunned by the fact that she had been caught.

"I came to see if you were okay, you know, 'cause you're sick?" he said referring to the lie she told him. "It's funny, you don't look sick."

Her eyes trailed down from his eyes to the Tupperware in his hands; he had brought her soup. She felt herself go red with guilt, but she didn't show it. "We'll talk inside."

After rummaging through her purse and finding her keys, Riley let him inside. Her parents and Auggie went out for dinner meaning they were home alone and free to argue as loud as they wanted.

"Why would you lie?" he asked, setting the bowl on the table beside him.

"You _know_ why I lied." She said calmly, setting her bags down as he made an exasperated snide at the sight of her new clothes and makeup.

"If that's what you're mad about we could've talked about it. You don't cancel our plans to go shopping instead! Do you hear how that fucking sounds?!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air to show how upset he was.

She had to admit he made a good point. She was wrong for lying to him, but a part of her felt like she was justified for doing so. He was acting out of pocket and translated his anger onto her. "Can we just talk and not argue - ?"

"Did you really need a manicure that bad? So much that you chose _that_ over our date?"

"That's not true. I just needed time. I didn't like that you turned a stupid picture into such a big deal. I - " she paused clearly flustered. She never mentioned anything about her nails. That was something he would only point out had he known about it before. It made her think about the suspicions she confessed to Maya earlier, how she felt that he had been following her and she was seeing his truck in places he wouldn't be, but now she felt sure about it again. "Were you following us?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought I was crazy seeing your truck around town a lot. I've been seeing it outside my house late at night, earlier today when I was with Maya, it feels like you've been following me." He feigned offense to her accusation, but even then Riley could tell it wasn't genuine. "That was you, wasn't it?"

He struggled to tell her the truth. It was clear in the way he stuttered and in the way he moved his hands, but she was sure it was him before he even confessed. "I had to keep an eye on you - "

"You had to?" she interjected. "Why did you have to?"

"I needed to know what you were doing when I wasn't around. No offense Riley, but you haven't exactly made me feel like you've been faithful -"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" she questioned him, her entire body growing angry. "You really think I'm cheating on you?"

"Not exactly, no," he felt his entire statement fall to pieces mid-sentence, "It just feels like you're doing something I don't want you to be doing - "

"Like what?" she contended. "What could I possibly be doing that you wouldn't like?"

"I don't know!"

"You don't know?!" she queried, angrier at the fact that he had nothing to support his accusation.

"It's just..." he sat down miserably. "I'm not gonna lie, Riley, seeing those messages with Hayden really fucked me up. It bugs me that at some point you guys thought of each other as more than friends and continued to be that even after it didn't work out. And then with Zay, when the fuck did you guys become friends? This doesn't happen overnight, you guy's must've been getting close when I wasn't around."

"We have the same History class, Lucas. We got paired up for an assignment together that's how it all started. Plus, he drove me home that night after Emerson's party. I was upset about the whole Victoria thing and he was there. Plus, he's easy to talk to."

Lucas played with his hands. Now that she had told him about the entire history class and project together, he felt less threatened by her friendship with Zay. He thought that they were seeing each other behind his back at some point and the thought alone triggered his anger all throughout. "What about Hayden?"

"Hayden is just a friend," she informed. "Yeah, we had a thing a while ago, but that's all in the past. We're just friends, he knows that and I know that. Our time passed Lucas, I can guarantee there's nothing more to it."

He believed her when she said that. It felt like a huge wave of relief washed over him and he could relax for a bit. "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry," he took her hands when she sat beside him, "I've been overreacting."

She leaned on him, "It's been a crazy couple of days, I think it's best we just...move on from it. Don't you?"

"I agree," he planted a kiss on her temple. With this gesture, Lucas was able to take in her scent and he remembered how much he needed her. "I'm sorry I acted like a jerk around you. I was - "

"Shhh," she said, placing her finger over his lips. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just..." she began to kiss his neck. "...forget."

He closed his lips allowed her to continue with her gesture. It felt good to feel her in this way after not being able to be near her. He pulled her closer to him than she already was. When she sat on his laps, he touched every inch of her. Even though they'd been apart for less than five days, it felt like too many seconds and hours had gone by where he couldn't touch her the way he wanted to. There were things about her that made him feel incomplete when he wasn't around her and when he was, she made him feel euphoric. Capable of anything.

His hands moved to her lower body, touching the parts of her he hadn't touched before. As he continued to kiss her, he felt her phone chime.

He was gonna toss it to the couch nearby, but there was something about it that told him to see who the message was from. He debated on it for a few seconds, but in the end, the need to know was much stronger than the need to forget about it. He continued to kiss her, enjoying her taste, but as she moved to his collarbone, he turned her phone on and read it. His lips thinned at the content of the message and he stood up, pushing her off of him.

"I told you to stop talking to him!" he scowled, showing her the message Hayden had texted her. "Was that so fucking hard to do?!"

She sighed. "He's my friend, Lucas. You don't see me telling you to stay away from Victoria after that fucking picture!"

"That's different," he yelled.

"HOW?!" she rasped. "How on Earth is it different? If anything _what_ you did in that bathroom with her was worse than sending Hayden a stupid picture! All you've done today is follow me around accusing me of cheating on you, for what? Over a picture? While you spent god knows how long, drunk, in a bathroom with a girl who could've gotten on her knees the second she took the photo! I'm the one who deserves to be mad, not you. I never once told you to stop talking to her even though I should've. Maybe I just trust you more than you trust me and it's so disappointing to see how far a picture has made you act."

Lucas didn't know what to tell her. He was too upset with her to even feel the need to defend himself. Instead, he just walked away, slamming her living room door shut.

_**ooo**_

By the time November came to an end, the snow in New York had made things feel closer to Christmas. The Thanksgiving decorations had been replaced with Christmas like ones and Riley loved it. The transition from November to December had to be one of her favorite things about the season's change.

She loved it because everything else changed with it and it was all beautiful to her.

Her family started their day bright and early, decorating their apartment for the upcoming holiday. They listened to music while drinking hot cocoa and putting ornaments on their Christmas tree. Riley loved their little family traditions.

It was the only time of the year they didn't argue about something they were supposed to work on together. She sat with her little brother Auggie, cleaning the dusted snow globes they kept in a box in the attic.

He was shaking them eagerly, smiling every time the snow frizzled within the globe.

"Hey, Riley," her mom called out from the opposite end of the apartment. "Lucas hasn't stopped by to pick up his sweater. Should we leave it on the coat hanger or do you want to take it to him?"

Riley felt herself sigh inwardly. She hadn't spoken to Lucas in a little over a week and she wasn't sure when she was going to see him again. She knew they were going to talk at some point, but that would be when they went back to school; when they both weren't as angry with each other as they were right now. "Yeah, I'll take it back to him on Monday. Just leave it on the coat hanger."

She found herself wanting to tell her mom what's been going on with her and Lucas lately. She wanted to tell her about the night of Emerson's party and how Lucas disappeared for a few minutes and she later found out that he had spent quite the time with a girl in a bathroom where they took an intimate picture. She wanted to tell her about Lucas trying to control who she could and couldn't talk to and how he accused her of cheating on him. She wanted to tell her the reason Lucas hadn't dropped by was because they were arguing, but she kept it to herself. She knew her parents would intervene and try to talk to Lucas and she didn't want that.

It would make things awkward between them and potentially break them up.

As she stared at her little brother and smiled at the sight of him eagerly shaking the snow globes, Riley decided to talk to Zay about her relationship with Lucas. He was the only person she could go to for many reasons.

1) Her closest friends would tell her to break up with Lucas if she went to them for advice. They'd start to think badly of him and exclude him from everything they do together. She'd have to fight with them to get them to invite Lucas on their hangouts and she didn't want to have to do that.

2) She trusted Zay. He knew Lucas more than she did and was confident he would give her advice she would've never thought about.

They met in his car one night during a full moon. Zay smelled of cologne and mint from what Riley assumed were because of his plans prior to their meet up. He wore a black Nike sweater with jeans and she was dressed in oversized clothing to keep her warm.

She confessed everything to him and told him that they were arguing over and over again about the same things.

Everything from the night at Emerson's to Hayden.

He sat through it all. He listened to her rant for fifteen minutes, purging her anger, her worry, her sadness, her everything into the words she used to describe what she felt. It was hard for Riley to feel normal afterward, all she could feel was exposed and stripped from the secrets she kept to herself.

Zay was surprised to hear everything that had happened in the past few weeks. He had no idea any of it was going on, but it helped answer some of the questions he had concerning Lucas' behavior. He began to tell her that Lucas had been stressing himself out over a few things. She learned that things were going on with his family that he couldn't fully explain to her, but could've played a factor in his bursts of anger. He continued to talk about how Lucas had stalked Hayden's social media to see if there was anything that linked him to her, worrying himself out about finding things he wouldn't like.

He told her that Lucas had been sad lately and searched for happiness in her. Anything that worried him about their relationships triggered the problems he was facing at home and he masked it with anger, instead. Which was why Lucas told her to stop talking to Hayden - who he saw as a threat because of his past relationship with Riley.

She began to understand him. She had no idea what Lucas had been going through, she knew there was something, she just didn't know what it was exactly. She felt herself want to curl up in a ball for being too rude to him, she knew she couldn't blame herself for not knowing, but apart of her did.

"You need to reassure him that there's nothing going on with you and Hayden. He's difficult sometimes, trust me I know, but he's only acting like this because there's stuff going on at home that he's not letting himself deal with. It's what he does. Whether he chooses to tell you or not, it's up to him, but you should know that he's a little hard on you right now because you're his first serious relationship. He really likes you, it's obvious that he does, he just needs that assurement from time to time...or else he'll let himself form scenarios in his head and that's never good."

She felt herself nod. "He was only blowing things out of proportion because he's dealing with things at home."

"That's exactly it," Zay confirmed.

She tried to figure out when this started happening in Lucas' life. Whenever they were together he was happy - at least until recently - and Riley was completely unaware of the fact that he was dealing with things. She blamed herself for not knowing, but that didn't matter anymore. The next time she saw him, she was confident she would try to sort out their argument. It was the only way they could move on from it.

"There's more to it," Riley said vaguely. "The day we argued about Hayden was the same day we went to watch your game. I feel like the reason Lucas left early was because he got upset that I was cheering you on. And a few days ago when we got into another argument, he started to ask me about you and why we were friends. It upset him for some reason. I just wanted to know if he's been talking to you lately?"

Zay didn't know any of that happened. He didn't think Lucas would be mad about something as simple as that, but it made sense. "He hasn't been texting me back."

Riley sighed. If her friendship with Zay was the reason Lucas hadn't been talking to him, then that meant she had to talk to him soon. To fix things between them because it was starting to affect more than their relationship, but _his_ friendship with Zay.

"Thank you. I knew I could come to you. I'll talk to him, I promise."

"I hope it helps."

_**ooo**_

_**A few weeks later **_

_**Christmas - December 25, 2019**_

"Just come in," Riley whined, dragging Lucas inside her room.

It was ten in the morning and they were spending Christmas together. He was dressed in the cutest, ugliest Christmas sweater she had ever seen with a Santa hat and his cute smile.

"Why are we doing this in here?" he asked her as he sat on her bed. "We should be downstairs with the rest of your family."

"True," she said agreeing. She closed the door to her room and sat beside him, "...but it's much more meaningful when we're alone, just the two of us."

She was right. Riley was all about making moments special and meaningful and he liked that about her. "Okay," he said, "Here's yours."

She took his present and unwrapped it. Even though she didn't have time to acknowledge how nicely wrapped it was, she thought about it. She thought about how much effort he put into the gift and she loved it even more. "It's a picture of us," she said, taking in the gift. She looked at it once again and saw the writing on the surrounding paper, "Dear, Riley..." she read, "you wrote me a letter?"

He nodded. "You wanted something small, so I got you this. I even made the frame from scraps of wood at my dad's construction site and engraved our initials on it. My grandpa, Pappa Joe, helped me. He's a real charmer, I can't wait for you to meet him."

Riley could only smile at her gift. It was thoughtful and she loved that about him.

"Do you like it?"

She set the gift down and hugged him, "Yes, Lucas. I do. I love it! It's perfect! I can't wait to read it."

"I'm glad you like it," he said, kissing her temple. "Okay, I'm getting impatient. Where's mine?"

"It's right here," she stood up and brought the box from under her bed. The gift had his name on it and when it touched his hands, he opened it.

"Holy shit, is this a snow globe of us?" he asked taking in the figurines inside it. He couldn't believe she got a custom snow globe of them. "No fucking way."

"There's more," she said pointing inside the box.

When he reached inside it, he brought out a book that talked about different animals.

"I know it's a weird gift," Riley said, feeling the need to explain herself. "...but since you're considering being a veterinarian when you grow up I thought it was time you start learning about it."

He set the book down and smiled, "You're a fucking genius babe."

"You like it?"

"I do. I love everything about it."

She smiled warmly, taking in the light he radiated whenever he was happy. She never felt this way about anyone, but him. And she was happy she could finally enjoy his presence. She was happy she could touch him and hug him knowing that everything was all right between them.

It took her a few weeks back when she talked to Lucas about their problems. She was surprised when he was able to set aside his anger and irritation for the sake of their relationship. He sat through it and he listened to her instead of finding something to get upset about, it only made her realize how much he needed to be reassured. To be told that there's was nothing going on between her and anybody else and that it was all in his head.

She felt his arms wrap around her and he whispered in her ear, "I'm so glad I have you in my life."

"I'm glad too," Riley placed her hand in his cheek, taking in his eyes, his smile, his dimples, his sandy blonde hair, his every detail, and kissed him.

Glancing up to his handsome face had her wondering how she could be so cruel to him. He's the best thing that has happened to her and knowing that his feelings reciprocated her own felt more than amazing. She felt powerful.

**ooo**

Since New Year's was around the corner and Riley would be spending it with Lucas' friends, she figured it was best he take her to the mall so she could buy an outfit. On the ride there, they decided that they would split up so they could shop for their individual outfits and meet each other at the food court.

She spent an entire hour hunting through different clothing racks both in and out of stores, stressing herself out. She started to lose hope and began to feel like she was going to leave empty-handed, but that was before she caught sight of a blue colored dress. She tried it on and fell in love with it, she decided to buy it.

When she and Lucas got home, he asked to see the dress on her so she modeled it for him. "Do you like it?" she asked, admiring the way the dress fit her perfectly. She displayed a blue off the shoulder, lace dress with billowy sleeves. "I'm thinking about going for a high ponytail, I think it'll make the dress look better."

He sat back, silently nodding and observing the way she was dressed.

"Is something wrong with it?" her voice trailed off. She turned around to stare at herself in the mirror, trying to see if there was something about the dress she missed when she purchased it.

"You look great, Riley, but don't you think it's a little too revealing?" he noted dejectedly.

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously. She turned around to look at him, her features falling as she took note of Lucas' troubled expression.

It upset him that she didn't know what was wrong with the outfit. He noticed it the moment she stepped out with it. "Riley, I don't like the dress."

"Why not?" her voice broke the tense silence. "I literally think it's perfect."

"Well, I don't!" he snarled. "I think it's fucking ugly."

She was taken aback by his remark. It was clear in his words and in the way his eyes examined her that he was upset and she wasn't prepared for it. "Calm down, it's not _that_ bad."

"Riley, you're dressed like a slut. I can see your boobs and your ass from here, there's no way you're wearing this dress."

She felt herself go red. She was frozen in place and began to feel insecure about the outfit she once thought looked perfect on her, "I-I thought it looked nice."

"Well, it doesn't."

She searched the room for an outfit to change into, so he could no longer judge her.

"Look, there's no way we're going to this party if you're dressed like that," he chastised, his eyes following her as she walked around her room. "Just wear something else, please? Something that isn't too revealing - "

"Okay, Lucas," she said, wishing for the embarrassment to subside. "I don't want to hear it, you made your point. I'm gonna go change. We're not doing this again."

It was too late. He was too angry to control himself, he needed to let his frustration out. "I just can't believe you thought that was okay. How'd you not see it?"

She ignored him and it only upset him. "I hate to break it you, Riley, but Hayden's not going to be at this party. You don't need to wear whatever the fuck you call a dress to impress him - "

"For fuck's sake, Lucas. You just had to mention his name, didn't you?! I'm sorry you're so insecure about my friendship with him. If you're gonna keep bringing his name into things then go home. I'm so fucking tired of it."

"I'm not leaving," he deadpanned in a tone that let Riley know he was upset. "I'm not leaving until I know you're not wearing a dress that makes you look like a slut - "

"Lucas, just shut up! Stop! And you're not going to see it because I'm not going."

"What do you mean you're not going?"

"I'm not going, that's all there is to it," she retaliated. She grabbed her clothes and walked towards her folding screen to change into something that covered her entire body. She couldn't handle Lucas' snide comments.

"Riley, you're going to this party," he demanded.

"No, I'm not," she stood her ground. "I think I'd rather spend it with my friends. Who knows, maybe I'll invite Hayden? We'll go into a bathroom together and I'll tell him to take off his shirt so I can post it later."

Lucas scoffed, the muscle in his jaw tightening, taking offense at her remark. "You're stupid if you think I'm gonna let you stay after that."

"You're stupid if you think I'm remotely interested in going with you after calling me a slut," she walked towards the door in her room and opened it for him to leave, but he slammed it shut, staying inside. "Lucas, get out of my room!"

"Give me your phone," he demanded in immediate alarm.

Riley felt the level of trust they had built since their last argument fall apart. She wanted to yell at him and tell him how dumb he was for asking that; because asking to see anyone's phone was the ultimate level of distrust. "No."

"No?" he questioned her. Reaching for the phone in her hand, but she was quick to pull away.

"If you're making jokes about seeing him, then you must be texting him. So hand it over, let me see your phone, Riley."

"No! You're going to take my word for it. And if you don't believe me then you can leave."

"Riley, Riley, Riley," he said in the kind of way that let her know he was annoyed but didn't want to completely show it. "Just give me your phone."

"The answer is still no."

He balled his fists, his knuckles turning white at the tension in his grip. "You make it so hard to trust you. If I find out that you're with him on New Years, I'll smack the shit out of him. You know I will."

Lucas was a handsome guy, but he was ugly when he was angry. She found herself staring at a guy she hadn't met before, she was sure the side of him she had just seen was not Lucas.

"Don't go to the fucking party, I could care less," he sneered venomously before leaving her room.

Riley didn't realize she was holding her breath. When she let it go she felt herself go numb, she knew Zay told her to reassure him every time he accused her of something, but this time she didn't want to. He had called her a slut and she didn't care what else she made him believe. She wanted to upset him and make him feel just as flustered as she was, but unfortunately, that only made them get into another argument.

_**ooo**_

New Year's Eve wasn't the same without Lucas. Even though she was still angry at him for what he said, she wanted to be with him. She loved the company of her friends, but Lucas' company was far more important to her. She wanted to hug him and to be in his embrace, but he seemed to be having fun wherever he was. She saw the pictures and videos he posted on his Instagram and Snapchat, whatever he was doing he wasn't sitting around doing anything, but thinking about her.

She played a few games with her friend but spent the majority of her time keeping a low profile and keeping to herself. She wasn't in the mood to talk and to do anything so she didn't. She used her phone, but every now and then she'd talk to Maya and Isadora who were on a different level of energy as her.

She told them the reason she wasn't with Lucas was because they mutually decided it would be best they spent it separately. They already spent one holiday together and that more than enough. She lied to them because they couldn't know the truth, if her friends were to find out about the way he's acted then they would hate Lucas and she still cared about his image.

It would ruin their friendship and her relationship with him.

As she reflected on her position, she watched as Josh and Maya stared lovingly into each other's eyes. It seemed like the longer they dated the more they fell in love with each other. Their relationship was aging like wine and she wished her relationship with Lucas was just like there's. At times Riley would compare herself to them and think about what they would do in a given scenario. The other day when she was spending the day with them, Josh and Maya started arguing about a previous disagreement they had. They both misinterpreted a few things and refused to apologize to each other. Riley watched the entire exchange from the back seat of the car and watched them frantically yell at each other. She was stunned, she had never seen them argue before and it never even occurred to her that they had. Their argument lasted for five minutes before they apologized to each other. It felt like they didn't even argue because they were so quick to slip back into their normal everyday life. They were acting like a couple again and Riley began to think about how different things would've worked out if she was arguing with Lucas. They would've never made up that fast and slipped back into acting like a couple, they would've forgotten about it.

She began to cry because she wanted what they had. She wanted understanding and forgiveness and that was something she and Lucas failed to work towards.

She wasn't able to enjoy the change into the new year. She watched as the clock struck midnight and everybody got up and cheered, it was officially 2020 and there's was nothing in her, no mood, no urge to get up and smile and hug her best friends, she felt nothing.

Of course, she faked a smile all throughout, but what she desperately needed was Lucas' company. She needed his warmth, his scent, his compassion, she needed him.

She missed him more than before. They spent a good chunk of time apart a few weeks into November and early December and even in that time she didn't miss him as much as she did now; when they had only been a few days apart.

She started the first day of the new year...miserable.

_**ooo**_

Riley tossed and turned on her bed, the time on her phone read 3:15 am and she felt herself groan. She couldn't bring herself to fall asleep since she was experiencing a deep case of insomnia.

Ever since winter break began and she didn't have to wake up early, her sleeping schedule was all over the place. She slept late and woke up late and it didn't help that she was still heartbroken over her argument with Lucas.

She checked her phone every second of the day, waiting for his response, hoping that they could talk and make up.

She thought about texting him and apologizing for what she said to him, but she was too stubborn to let herself do that. She felt like she was the one that was offended that day and because of that, she didn't bring herself to talk to him.

He called her a slut after all.

Before she felt herself getting lost in her train of thought, her phone chimed. She reached for her phone on her nightstand and brought it to her face.

It was a text message from Lucas.

She sat upright - her eyes widening at the fact that he had finally texted her - and read the message.

**_hey, can we talk_**

Riley didn't hesitate to respond. She got out of bed and changed into warmer clothes before looking at herself in the mirror. She fixed her frizzled hair and smiled, but it was clear there were signs of sleeplessness in her eyes. She threw on a little bit of makeup to illuminate her features and she walked outside her house.

When she joined him in his truck, her heart melted in the sweetest way. She didn't realize how deeply she missed him until she was able to be near him, where she could smell him and see him.

He smiled faintly at her when their eyes met and Riley knew that being away from him for this long was unbearable. She felt dependant on him and no matter how much they argued, she would always forgive him.

"I'm sorry," he spoke, his voice soft as silk. His hand reached over to her hers and they laced their fingers together. "Riley I was such an asshole to you and I said some things I shouldn't have...I've been beating myself up over it and I wanted you to know I was sorry. I was upset and I say stupid things when I'm upset."

"It's okay. I said things that were hurtful too. I forgive you."

His breath caught in his throat, but before Riley could look at him, he gazed up at the darkening sky. She didn't think much about this gesture, but as the silence lengthened, Riley could hear his sniffles.

She studied him for a long period of time, her face filled with concern trying to figure out if there was something wrong.

"Are-are you okay?" she asked him. When he wouldn't look at her, Riley realized whatever he was sad about must've been serious. She touched him, pulling him slightly in her direction, but he wouldn't budge.

"It's just been really lonely without you," his voice cracked, his hand moved up to his eyes and Riley figured he was crying. "I _really_ missed you, babe."

"Lucas," Riley could see that he was trying to hide the fact that he was crying, he kept looking out the window and refused to make eye contact with her. But she knew he was sad. She squeezed their linked hands for support, trying to get him to talk to her, but even then he was hesitant. "Are you okay?" she kept trying to get him to look at her but he wouldn't budge.

"Riley, I don't want you to see me like this. I'm fine, okay?"

"You can talk to me," she reminded. "Lucas you know you can."

It took him a while to speak, but he finally did. "My grandpa..." his voice was shaky and low, "My grandpa's dead. He died yesterday. And, I - I can't stop thinking about it." She finally got him to look at her, his eyes were flushed with tears and he started to cry, even more. She couldn't help, but hug him.

She hugged him with the most support she could give him. His grieving body was a mess of emotions and she could feel his tears on her neck. It'd been the first time she'd seen him cry.

**_oOoOoOoOo_**

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this. So much happened and I can't believe I made it fit into one chapter. There will be a two week break, but I hope you guys enjoy. Let me know what you guys think, I'm curious. A lot did happen. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	11. 10: Lucas Says I Love You

**A/N: Hi guys, thank you so much for being patient with me. A lot has happened these past few weeks and I hope everyone is doing well. This is the second half of the story and there's a lot of things planned. So without further ado, let's get started.**

**Katy Kear: Lucas is very protective of Riley and he has this need to know whatever she's doing. His brain immediately jumps to the conclusion that she's cheating on him which is very misleading and triggers a lot of his actions. **

**Tilly: Lucas can be very hostile, but it's not supposed to come off as scary. And it's not gonna head in that direction so there's no need to worry lmao. And Maya is Riley's best friend she's bound to find out about Rucas' relationship. The truth it, she isn't close to them as a couple to know how toxic they are. And YES you NAILED it, Riley knows how a regular relationship is supposed to function, but she's so in love with Lucas and so certain he's a good guy that she doesn't leave him. She loves him. **

**Guest: I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Estelle: Lucas goes through a lot of difficut things and Riley sees it. She's the only person who sees this fragile side of him which is why it's harder for her to leave him when things get rough. The thing about Riley is that she's very optimistic about people and she always tries to see the good in people which you can imagine, will somehow make things very difficult since she's in a toxic relationship. She'll want to stay with him because she loves him - enough to want to fix him. **

**Love: Yes! That's all I wanted for Joshaya. I wanted them to face a realistic obstacle that most high school couples face. I was always gonna head in a positive direction with them, but the hate I got for it came early lmao. I wanted to yell "JUST WAIT TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER" cause that's when Josh was going to realize that he loves her enough to want to stay for her, but I do want to explore their obstacle further which I hope doesn't piss people off. **

**Guest: I honestly don't have the time of day for this. Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Chapter 10**

**Lose You to Love Me **

**_you promised the world and I fell for it_ **

_**ooo**_

Lucas walked through the sunlit cemetery with Riley by his side. The January snow had begun to melt and he was grateful his first time in a cemetery was on a pleasant Wednesday morning, where the sun was kind and he didn't feel like crying.

He examined the cemetery, walking past gray tombstones, snow-covered bouquets, and left behind remembrances. He never understood how depressing it was to be there, he'd seen movies about it but that was as close as he got to it.

He came to a stop the second he noticed his grandfather's grave. He never thought this was something he'd have to see in his life. Instinctively, he reached for Riley's hand. "That's him," he revealed brokenly.

It had been thirteen days since his grandfather passed and Lucas was visiting him for the first time. He stared at it strangely, trying to wrap his head around the stone, not being able to bring himself any closer to it, "I can't believe that's him."

Riley leaned her head on his shoulder. She stared at it too and for a second, she began to feel the sadness he felt. It saddened her to see that the guy Lucas once talked so dearly and highly about, was buried in the middle of a cemetery. "I know this is hard for you, but you should get closer," she suggested, noticing that he was frozen.

He looked at the distance between him and his grandfather, even though they were extremely close when he was alive, Lucas couldn't bring himself to approach him when he was dead. "I just don't think I can."

"You should," she encouraged, softly. "The only way you'll be able to move on is if you let yourself say goodbye, and you can't do that twenty feet away."

He wished there was another way he could get a respectful closer, he wanted to so badly a goodbye where he didn't need to overcome a difficult obstacle. But there wasn't one. "Can you come with me?"

"Yeah."

When they reached his graze, Lucas kneeled in the damp grass and took a few deep breaths. It was the only thing preventing him from crying, "Ever since I was little he had always been there for me," he said to Riley. "No matter what, he was there and he loved me. I just can't believe he's gone. I guess I'm still in shock."

Riley could hear the tremble in his voice and knew this would be emotional. She had been there for Lucas since his grandfather passed, helping him grieve, even on the days Lucas didn't want to see her because he was too sad. At times, she thought they were making progress, she'd make Lucas' smile and he'd believe he'd overcome the worst of the pain. But then there were other times when his heart felt as if it had been wrenched and ripped from his chest.

"I never thought that I would be saying goodbye to you this young. You were the strongest man I knew and ever since I was a little kid you were always working on something, you were always building, and on your feet. Even when you were diagnosed you stayed strong. You refused to let it change the way you wanted to live and I always admired you for that. I always wanted to be the man you were and to see the way you do. I just wished I got the chance to see you cry, to be there for you when you needed me to be. And I really wish I got the chance to tell you this when you were alive."

The evening breeze freshened the trails of tears on his cheeks as he studied Riley. Her eyes are on his stone and she looked as if she's about to cry. "I met this girl, Pappa Joe. She's amazing and she makes me really happy."

Her brown eyes looked up at him and she gave him a warming smile.

"She's the one who convinced me to see you today and if I'm honest I don't think I would've survived losing you if it wasn't for her," he whispered with such sincerity, his voice made her quiver. "I just wanted to come by and let you know that I'll be okay without you. And that I'm grateful for everything you taught me."

A few minutes passed and Lucas was done saying goodbye. He stood up from the walked towards Riley who left him alone so he could fully allow himself to feel what he needed to feel, she felt like her presence would prevent him from sharing things so she waited for him on a bench at the entrance of the cemetery.

She was on her phone by the time he got there and he couldn't help, but hug her. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, Lucas."

"I do. And I wanted to. You helped me in ways I never thought anybody could, and I know I was hard to deal with these past few weeks and you never left me. I think thanking you is the least I could do." He pulled her closer, "I don't want to take you home."

Riley pecked his lips, "We can go back to your place? We'll watch a movie? Play videogames? You can finally teach me. And then you'll take me home late."

He never heard of a better plan. "I love that."

_**ooo**_

When they made it to his house, Riley noticed how quiet and lonely it felt. The house was clean, almost like it hadn't been touched in the longest time and she knew why, she just didn't know how to talk to him about it.

She waited until Lucas walked out of the pantry with a jar of tomato sauce and spaghetti. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

She felt herself nod.

"Cool, cause so am I," He turned to search for a pan, opening and closing kitchen cabinets. "I think it's on this side."

Her gaze followed him as he walked across the kitchen, there was a new light to him. He was different and more serious and it was making her grow curious. She finally found the courage to ask, "So...your parents left?"

He froze for a few seconds, his back facing her. "How'd you know?"

"I saw the letter. It's on the fridge."

"I don't want to talk about it." He set the pan down in front of her and crumbled the piece of paper. "Can we just not talk about it?"

"That's what we shouldn't do," she answered. "I honestly think it's best that we do. It's clearly bothering you."

"That's exactly _why _I don't want to talk about it. It's stupid and I don't want to let it ruin my day because I'm actually really happy right now." He rounded the island and took her in his arms, she was comforting and he wanted nothing more, but to kiss her.

She stared into his eyes. It was funny to her because his lips could tell her one thing, but his eyes always said another. "I think we should talk about it."

He took a deep sigh and walked back to the pan he set down. "They left. They need a break from everything and they went on a vacation. Didn't even bother to ask if I wanted to go," Lucas playfully informed, but Riley could tell he was hurt.

She felt stunned, "You know you can talk to me about this. I _want_ you to talk to me about these kinds of things. I'm not your girlfriend because you're hot, I'm your girlfriend because I care about you."

He stayed quiet.

"Lucas you can talk to me about - "

"-all the fucked up things they do without even realizing it?" he continued for her, agitated. "They yelled at me for not going to his funeral even though I was too depressed to get out of bed. They couldn't realize that I was grieving so they said I disappointed them. Or better yet, let's talk about how they basically went away, knowing I hadn't been able to leave my room in days. Or how they failed to realize that my feelings matter too?"

She couldn't bring herself to say anything, especially since his sadness was masked with anger.

"Can we just-can we just cuddle and forget about them?"

Riley extended her arm to him, "I'm sorry that happened. I wish I knew. But I'm here and I care for you, but I can't help you if you don't want me to. Can you please just let yourself feel what it is you need to feel? That you won't keep it to yourself and that you'll talk to me about it? Can you do that?"

His eyes couldn't meet hers.

"I'm not dropping this until you promise me," she assured him, standing her ground. It was important for her to be stricter during times like these.

"Okay," he said, caving. "Yeah. I promise."

_**ooo**_

The next few hours with Lucas felt like a montage. While the pasta finished boiling and the wine in the fridge began to cool, the two of them played with his old Wii.

They found it when they were searching through his old toy bin in the basement and Riley jumped in excitement at the sight of it. She only had hers for a month when she was a kid before her little brother Auggie spilled his formula all over it and damaged it.

Her parents were never able to buy her a new one and she never got to enjoy it, but thankfully Lucas had one.

They played a bunch of games for over an hour and Riley forgot how good it felt to see him smile. She had to pause for a second to take in the moment because a smile had never looked so good on him. She was glad she was able to make him forget about all the bad things he'd been dealing with.

When the pasta was done boiling and they had mixed the meatballs and tomato sauce, they were able to enjoy their lunch. They sat beside each other on the dinner table and it felt like they were on a date. They even shared a spaghetti string and kissed when they had reached the center of it.

"We're such dorks," Riley laughed.

"Don't tell anyone we did that," Lucas added before joining in. When the silence lengthened, he took her hand and kissed it. "I honestly don't know what I would've done without you."

She blushed, forgetting how to act for only a second's time. "If you keep complimenting me I might have to marry you."

"Really?" he laced his hand with hers, staring at her in a way that made her knees tremble.

"It was clearly a joke," she added, but they only smiled at each other.

After they ate, it was Lucas' idea that they bake some brownies. It was such a simple task, but not for Lucas, who struggled to follow the instructions. "Babe, I need your help again."

He turned to look at her already prepped cake batter. They decided to due their own individually and compare who did it best since Lucas was extremely competitive. "I honestly can't believe you need help making a simple cake. Don't you read the instructions?"

"They're difficult."

Riley laughed and Lucas decided to step back. As he watched her, he couldn't help but notice the sun shining on her features. She was beautiful and he could never forget it. He started at her, for a long time, admiring the way she smiled and looked. He felt drawn to her, happy with her, glad that they were dating. No one had ever made him feel like this.

He approached her and kissed her. "What's this for?"

"Nothing. I just... I love you," he confessed to her, his hands caressing her cheekbones. He loved every physical feature of hers, even down to the simple birthmark on the left side of her neck. She was perfect to him. When he looked up at her brown eyes he couldn't help but notice the state of shock she was in. She looked like a deer in headlights, and that's when he realized what he had just said.

He'd never said it before and he never realized the words would slip out of him.

"I was just," he stammered, taking a step back, searching for an explanation, but he was too stunned to think. "Fuck...I...that was stupid. I shouldn't have said that. I'm -"

"I-" she was stunned too, she didn't know what to say. "Lucas, you're fine. You're cool. I mean... no, I - " she could his expression fall when he realized she wasn't going to say it back. "I just - "

"No, babe, you're fine. I'm just...I think I'm gonna go, I mean go to the living room, but I'll-I'll see you out there?"

"Y-yeah, just let me finish putting these in, okay?"

"Cool. K. Dope," he said awkwardly before walking away.

_**ooo**_

After getting over the awkwardness that was his confession of love to her, Lucas and Riley played in the rain. She felt bad that she couldn't say it back, but the truth was, she wasn't ready. She loved him, but she wasn't _in_ love with him. His falling eyes broke her heart, but she didn't want the first time she told him she loved him to be a lie; especially when he was still grieving his grandfather's death.

She knew the only way she would be able to bring him out of his embarrassment was to drag him out into the cold weather and jump into puddles in the driveway. Luckily it worked and in no time they were splashing each other.

They didn't care that the cars driving by were judging them, they were having fun and they were happy.

When they were soaking wet, Lucas let Riley shower in his bathroom while he showered in his parents. When she was out, he offered her a spare set of clothes she could change into. She was happy to be wearing something of his, especially when she was feeling comfortable and warm.

He started a fire not long after and they sat beside it. "We're definitely getting sick soon."

Riley's lips curved, the cold rain and the warming shower had exhausted her, but his embrace was enough to keep her awake. "Probably, but at least we'll be sick together?"

He kissed her temple, smiling at her positivity. "There's always that."

"I had a lot of fun today - "

He gave a sigh of helpless irritation and laid back.

"What was that for?"

"You want me to take you home, don't you?"

"I can't spend the night. I'm sorry, my parents won't let me," Riley replied despairingly.

"C'mon, just tell them you're spending the night at Isadora's or something."

"Right, like they'd believe. My parents know how strict her parents are, they'd know I'm lying," she advised.

"Then tell them you're spending the night at Maya's," he suggested, "Just please, don't let me stay here alone. I feel empty when you're not around."

She stared at his eyes for a moment's time and felt her heart melt. She felt her heart tingle when he uttered those words because it showed that he needed her, "I-" she tried to stay strong and tell him he had to take her home, but she couldn't. She was convinced. "Okay, fine. But you're taking me back early in the morning."

"Got it. I will," he said, happily. "Thank you."

They talked for a few more hours and Riley couldn't bring herself to understand why his parents would feel the need to leave for vacation without telling him. She was glad she was able to be there for him when they couldn't.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked.

"Go ahead. Spill."

"It's my birthday today," Lucas confessed.

"What?" she asked, sitting upright. "Not it's not. Your birthday's the fifteenth."

He nodded, "Yeah of January."

She sat there for a second, staring at him. "Shut up!" she said coming to the realization that it was currently the 15th of January. "Lucas, I'm so sorry. I'm such a bad girlfriend. I could've planned something. Why didn't you say anything? I feel so bad."

He started laughing, "Babe, you're overreacting. I'm not mad. You don't need to worry."

"We could've done something special together."

"And what? This isn't...?" he asked her. "

She intertwined her fingers with his, disappointed in herself. "I just can't believe I forgot."

"Babe, it's fine you don't need to worry. A lot happened these past weeks, I don't blame you."

"Yeah, but your birthday...? That's huge."

"And so was spending the entire day with you. You made this my favorite birthday without even knowing it. That's huge. I'm happy I got to spend it with you."

She turned and looked at the clock, it read: 11:59 pm, which meant she had a minute left. "Happy birthday, Lucas."

"Thank you," he said before sharing a kiss with her. "I'm going to say something extremely corny and you're going to have to promise me you won't cringe."

She looked up at him, "What is it?"

"I'm gonna marry you someday. And I'm not saying that to be cute or anything, I'm saying it because I genuinely mean it. I'd give you the world."

She kissed his hands which were currently embracing her. "And I promise you that my heart will always be yours."

They sat in each other's embrace for a few seconds and at that moment Lucas realized how in love he was with Riley. It wasn't just a feeling but a deep need in his being to prove to her how much he loved her, he wanted to prove it to her and holding her only made him sure of it. He knew every fleck of gold in her eyes and she knew every shade of green in his.

He knew he loved her, and he only wanted to prove it to her.

When she looked at the time again, it read 12:00 am. January 16, 2020.

The day their promise was made.

_**ooo**_

Riley was home by eight in the morning. She set her things down in the living room and greeted her little brother who was watching cartoons in the living room TV.

"Hey, where's mom and dad?"

He shrugged, "I don't know they were showing some guy around the house?"

"Some guy?" she asked, confused. "Who would they be showing the house to?"

Just then she heard them step out the hallway and into the living room. There was someone with them she did not recognize, he was tall with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. There was something about him that made him look familiar, but part of him threw her off.

He had broad shoulders and a fair build, his smile made him seem kind and funny. Whoever he was, her parents must've known him well because they spoke to him like they were friends.

"There she is," Topanga said once she saw her daughter. "Did you have fun at Maya's?"

"Yeah," she lied. Truth was: she spent the night at Lucas', not Maya's. "Mom, Dad, who's this?"

"You don't remember?" they asked. "Riley, this is Carter. Your childhood friend."

"Oh, wow," she said the second she remembered. "Oh my God, Carter you look so different. I almost didn't recognize you. You're taller than me now."

"It's all right," he replied, reaching out for a hug. "How are you?"

She hugged him back, "I'm great. Thanks for asking. Wow, it's good to see you again. What brought you back?"

"I'm actually spending the week at your place," he revealed. "It's for this week-long course at your school, I'm getting credit for it."

"Riley, you'll need to show him around school tomorrow. Just make him feel comfortable, and you guys will have plenty to catch up on a lot of things, I suppose."

"Yeah," she responded. "Yeah, I'll show you around. It'll be fun."

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading. This was a strict Rucas chapter because I felt like we could use a little good in their relationship. Do you think having Carter around will make things worse for Rucas? Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think - I will always get back to you. **

**Stay safe. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	12. 11: A Broken Father Son Relationship

**A/N: Hi, guys! I hope everyone is doing well and that you guys are having fun given the circumstances. These coming up chapters tackle a lot of Rucas that will most likely get you riled up. I hope that I was able to translate Riley and Lucas anger onto you guys so that you guys can feel, secondhand, how frustrating and unecessary toxic relationships can be. I want to thank the people who read and reviewed my last chapters because you guys honestly keep me going and I only wish you guys the best. **

**Thank you guys so much and stay safe!**

**Guest: Thank you so much and yeah, definitely keep an eye out for Carter. He's very interesting. **

**Nat: Stay safe love!**

**Guest Estelle: Riley's optimism and need to see the good in people stemmed from the way she was raised. If you go back and look at her backstory which was the first chapter to the series, you will see that her parents raised her to be kind and optimistic which has stook with her to this day, even in a toxic relationshop and I'm so glad you brought that up! Shows me you guys are paying attention to details like this. And Joshaya will take an interesting direction that I felt was appropriate and what I wanted to write so once again and I ask for is patience. =)**

**Chapter 11**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**_I saw the signs and I ignored it _**

_**ooo**_

Anne Elizabeth heard her son, Lucas, silently walk into their home and close the door. She watched as he lightly stepped on the wooden floors, scared to make a noise that would wake his parents up, but it was too late. "Do you know what time it is?" she questioned from the living room couch.

"Mom, what are you doing up?" he asked, startled.

"It's one in the morning, Lucas. On a school night," she informed him, angrily. "Where did you sneak off too?"

"Mom, I was with-I was just..." he stammered. "I was with Riley."

"With Riley? At this hour?"

He nodded. This was the first time he'd been caught sneaking out and it was clear his mom was upset with him.

"So not only are you sneaking out, but you're failing three classes?" she questioned, "Is that because you were with Riley or...?"

"My report card came in?"

"Yes, it came in and I'm very disappointed in you, Lucas. You're better than this!"

"Okay, mom," he waved off, annoyed. "It's one in the morning you don't need to yell."

"And you don't need to sneak out. Imagine if it was your dad who realized you were gone, think of the trouble you'd be in -"

"Like he'd ever realize I'm gone," he said with a scoff.

"Lucas, go up to your room we're not going there. And you're raising those grades."

"And if I don't, what are you going to do about it?" he rasped.

Anne was stunned by his response, "Lucas Friar, I raised you better than this! I bet it's that girl you've been wasting your time with that's got you acting like this! You should be home studying! If you don't start raising your grades, you're grounded. You'll come straight home after school. That means no phone, no TV, no allowance, no car, and no Riley. Are we clear?"

He felt the need to yell, but that would only make her more upset. Instead, he walked into his room and slammed the door.

_**ooo**_

Feeling like he was walking on thin ice with his parents, Lucas felt like it was time he introduced them to Riley. His mom was still upset about their argument and threatened to ground him if he didn't work on his grades, which meant she'd make his life a living hell. He was also upset that his mom thought Riley played a part in the drop in his grades, he didn't like that someone as genuine and kind as Riley was being blamed for something she played no part in, and he didn't want them thinking that.

He knew that if his parents met her, they'd realize she's a great girl and enjoy her company. They'd be able to realize that she's actually a good influence and they wouldn't keep him from seeing her.

Which is why he stood at her front door, nervous because he'd never asked a girl to meet his parents before. There was something that made the gesture major to him, people only asked their boyfriend's and girlfriend's to meet their parents when they knew they had something serious going on. It was the next big step in their relationship and he didn't want to overwhelm her, especially after he had just told her he loved her.

He decided to shake his thoughts away before he talked himself out of it. Staring at her brown mahogany door, Lucas picked apart the sentence he had in mind. He felt himself getting nervous and he didn't know if he should continue. As he brought his fist to the door, all he could think about was the way she would react; would it be a good reaction or a bad one?

He was relieved she opened the door. She had her hair in a bun and she wore the same blue dress she took to school.

"Lucas?" she asked. He didn't normally show up at her door unexpectedly. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, can we talk?"

She turned to look inside her apartment as if she were searching for something. "Yeah, sure. Why didn't you just come in through my bay window?"

"Your parents are home," he reminded.

"Right," she said, knowingly. "Um, do you want to come in?"

He began to feel his chest sweat. The anxiety was killing him and if he were invited in he would need to greet her parents before he could get the word out. And his anxiety urged him to ask her. "Actually, I just need to tell you something. I'm all right."

"What is it?"

He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably and anxiously. "Do you want to meet my parents?" he asked, timidly. Although her response lasted a few seconds, it felt like ages to Lucas. Meeting each other's parents was a huge next step and agreeing to meet them meant that she's comfortable enough with him to take things further.

"Yeah, yes!" she said with complete excitement. She was starting to get worried that he'd never ask her to meet them, "I'd love to."

"Cool," he smiled, nervously. "Great. Um, I'll let you know the date, but soon, okay?"

"Great."

"Riley, are you coming?" Carter asked from inside the apartment. "Your mom made lasagna."

"Yeah," she said turning around to stare at him. "I'll be there in a bit."

"Who-who's that?" Lucas questioned.

"That's Carter. Do you remember him? My childhood friend? The one that's in all of my baby pictures?"

He nodded. "What's he doing here? I thought he moved."

"He did, but he's apart of some school exchange program or something - I can't really remember - and he's staying with us for a week."

"A week?" he asked.

Riley nodded. "I know, but he's already been here for an entire day and he's actually super chill. Do you want to meet him?"

"Yeah, I would, actually. Do you think I could stay for dinner?" Lucas asked.

Riley furrowed her brows for a second, she didn't realize he wanted to meet him so soon. In a way, it felt like he suddenly wanted to stay for dinner because he was jealous, but she didn't think much of it. "Sure. Yeah, come in," she said before opening the door wide enough so he could walk in.

_**ooo**_

Lucas never thought he'd introduce his girlfriends to his parents. He never felt the need to do so considering their relationship, but all of that changed when he started dating Riley. He knew what they had was serious and he felt the urge to prove himself through her. When his parents started thinking of her as a bad influence, he knew they had to meet her. It was the only way they would change their minds.

Pulling up to his house with Riley on the passengers, Lucas began to doubt his decision. He felt his palms on the steering wheel moisten and he began to think negatively. He had a feeling everything would blow on his face. Glancing over to Riley he could see the excitement and nerves coming into play. She was taking deep breaths and playing with her fingers, something she only did when she was nervous.

"Do you still want to do this?" he asked.

"What? Of course, I do. C'mon, it'll be great."

"Yeah," he swallowed. "Let's hope."

They were barely out the door when his mom stepped out to meet them. She was dressed in the style Lucas had seen her wear his entire life, but this time she threw on a little bit of makeup. "You must be Riley."

"And you must be Mrs. Friar," Riley responded, extending her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," she spoke. "Please, come in. I hope you like chicken skillet."

"I love chicken skillet, Mrs. Friar."

"Even better and call me Anne. Just take a seat on the dining table Mark and I will be right with you."

"Your mom's amazing," Riley complimented as Lucas helped her sit. "You were more nervous than I was."

He took a seat beside her, trying to dismiss the fact that he was nervous. "Who said I was - ?"

"Your palms were sweating on the way here and you were breathing faster than normal - "

"You were playing with your hands and smiling for no reason - "

"Yeah, because they're not my parents, they're yours," she responded. "I'm allowed to be nervous. You being nervous makes _me_ nervous."

"I just...I've never done this before. You'll be fine, they'll love you, I know they will, I just...I don't know."

Riley felt like he was trying to tell her something, but she didn't know what. She was going to ask him about it, but she decided not to. It was best she didn't know in case the news was bad and would affect her chances of making a lasting impression on his parents. "So I'm the first girl your mom and dad have ever met, really?"

"Yeah," he answered. He was surprised she had said that so doubtfully. "Wasn't I the first guy your parents met?"

She shook her head no. "You're the second."

"Oh," he sighed. He didn't know that. "Wait, you had a boyfriend?"

"So this is the girl my son's been obsessing about?" Mark, Lucas' dad, said enthusiastically. Riley stood at the sound of his voice to greet him.

"You must be Lucas' dad, my name is Riley."

"There's no need to stand, please, sit."

A few minutes after getting the introduction out of the way, Anne's mom walked around the table placing all the dishes on the table. She paced back and forth between the kitchen and dining room, nobody started talking until everybody had been served.

"So, Riley," his mother began. "Any plans after high school?"

"Yeah, I plan on attending a four year at NYU and then law school to become a lawyer, just like my mom," Riley informed.

"That's very interesting. What kind of lawyer?"

"Criminal," she poked her fork onto a stip of chicken and ate it. "The chicken's lovely, Anne."

"Ugh, you are just so sweet," she retorted before placing a hand over her heart. "What's sparked your interest in becoming a lawyer?"

"When I was younger I would watch my mom practice her arguments in the living room while I played with my dolly's. I was always fascinated with her and it just stuck with me. I admire her and I look up to her so I wanted to follow in her footsteps. And I also like catching the bad guy, so...there's that."

"Very wise," his mother commented before taking a sip of her wine. "Maybe our son can learn a thing or two from you."

Lucas grunted. There it was. The first insult.

"I'm sure Lucas will be successful with his career in football," Riley uttered. She knew Lucas' dream job was being a veterinarian, but she knew his parents didn't know that and she was sure Lucas didn't want them to.

"Let's just hope," his father chimed.

"So, uh, Mr. and Mrs. Friar, tell me about yourselves? What do you dedicate yourself to?"

"I'm the project manager for A&A's construction company here in town. So those buildings you see that are under construction are all managed by me."

"That's super interesting, Mr. Friar. What about you Anne?"

"I'm a mother of two, I can't escape my job," she laughed. "I'm actually in talks with a publishing company to get one of my books published. It's something I've been working on since Lucas' was in middle school and for the first time I feel like this book might see the light of day."

"That's great to hear, I would love to read it someday."

"How long has it been again, since you two began dating?" Mark asked, gesturing to the both of them.

"We started dating back in September," Lucas answered. "It's been a few months now."

His dad nodded like he was connecting the newfound information in his head.

"So this has been going on for a while now?" Anne asked. "It's crazy how time flies. Feels like it was just yesterday when Lucas told us about you."

Dinner continued on in this fashion. There was casual conversation and Riley was able to speak with them about many things, but they were always trying to push their ways on him. Especially when it came to Lucas, they belittled him in every way they could and most of the time it was discrete. Riley was able to notice it, but she always did her best to move the conversation away from him whenever they did things like that.

By eight o'clock, Lucas was driving Riley home. She thought the dinner went great, but she could tell there was something going on with Lucas that upset him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head no.

"I'm glad you wanted me to meet them and I hope that I was everything they wanted me to be."

"You were," he said, parking the car in front of her house, "I knew you would. They love you, who wouldn't? It's just...they never stop trying to embarrass me or make me feel bad about myself. It's what they do."

"I'm really sorry, Lucas," she knew what he was talking about, she had seen it happen and she knew it must've not been easy for him to go through. "Have you ever talked to them about it?"

He shook his head quickly, "No. No. I'd never do that."

"Why?"

"Because, Riley," he said, a little frustrated. "They're...just forget about it, you wouldn't understand."

"I can try."

"It's fine, I got it - "

"No, you don't," she interjected. "Your idea of "I got it" is ignoring _it_ until it goes away and it's not going to. You're stopping yourself from wanting to talk to me about it, you've done it a lot, especially when your grandpa died. It's okay to tell me, Lucas, you don't have to keep this from me."

He sighed. "I just can't, okay? It's weird, I feel weird. I'm uncomfortable."

"What is it with straight guys not being able to talk about their feelings?" she questioned, frustrated with him. "Like I don't get it. It's not going to make you gay, Lucas."

"That's not it," he responded. "I just don't want you to know. What if you start seeing me differently?"

"I'm not. You'll still be annoying to me."

He chuckled, "Funny."

"C'mon," she reached for his arm and laced her fingers with his. "Why keep me around if you're not going to want to talk to me about your problems?"

"Okay," he caved. "You made a good point. I'll tell you," he paused for a bit before continuing. "The reason I don't talk to him about things like this is because he won't get it. He has this idea of what men and women are like and it's always been a problem, Riley. His dad raised him to be hard and strong. He never treated him like a son and because of it, he grew up to be this huge misogynist and homophobe too. Telling him that his comments hurt my feelings...is like telling him..." he sighed. He gave up on his reasoning. "I just can't tell him. I'll never hear the end of it."

"What about your mom?"

He scoffed, "My mom will never stand up to him. She'll never protect me from him, she does everything he asks her to. That's how it's been all my life. He's always been hard on me with everything I do, I'm never good enough, I'm never strong enough, I'm never fast enough, it's all these things that he picks on me for and he never lets me hear the end of it."

"Lucas it wouldn't hurt to try," she suggested. "I mean I know that you say he'll respond negatively and your probably right, but you're his son. I refuse to believe that he's not going to realize he's in the wrong and change his ways. You just have to drop this guard."

He looked outside his window. "I can't, Riley. It's not gonna end good."

She was silent for a second, "Can I tell you something?"

Lucas turned to her, "What is it?"

"You're not realizing that refusing to confront him about this is slowly turning you into him. And I don't mean that to be rude, I'm just saying that because you refuse to talk to him, you guard your feelings and you don't let yourself open up to people because you think they'll judge you. You're becoming another version of his ways and you're not seeing it. So please, just talk to him. If it goes wrong and it falls apart you'll have the satisfaction in saying you tried, and I'll catch you, Lucas. I'm here for you."

"It's just..." his eyes began to water and Riley could see it, she could hear it in his voice too. "He's never treated me like a son. I know he's my dad, but he's never, in my life, given me a reason to feel safe talking about things like _this_ to him. I can't cry in front of him, I can't get angry about things in front of him, I'm just scared that if I open up to him he'll laugh in my face and ignore it."

"Lucas..." she wiped the tears off his cheek, "You want to open up to him, I know you do, it's this fear of rejection that's getting in the way. No dad - in their right mind - will ever turn their son away from this...it's just not possible. If that's not enough for you to want to do it, then think about the way it's affecting you. You won't open up about your feelings because of him and that's not healthy. Do it for yourself, for your own well being and I promise you, I promise you, he'll listen."

Lucas had never thought of it that way. He never thought about confronting one of his biggest fears for his own health. He always saw it as overcoming this barrier with his dad for the purpose of sticking up for himself. And with that came the idea that he needed to be tough against his own dad.

But Riley had taught him otherwise. "You're right. I'll do it."

"You will?" She smiled.

"Yes. I will."

She brought herself closer to him. "The moment you realize you no longer need to hide your feelings a lot is going to change. I promise."

They shared a kiss before she stepped out of his car and waved goodbye.

_**ooo**_

Pennsylvania State was unlike anything Maya had ever expected. Since she learned that all the colleges Josh applied to were out of state, she tried to convince herself that she would hate the campus tour they went to over the weekend, but she didn't. In fact, she loved it.

And she loved the fact that Josh did too. Seeing him there, present and attentive, made her realize that Josh was quickly adapting to his potential environment.

It saddened her for a bit and that was all she was able to think about, but a part of her was happy _he_ was happy. It meant a lot to her. And that was something she refused to deny.

They left their hotel in the early morning and started driving to New York to make it back before the sun rose. Maya spent the entire drive reflecting on what her weekend was like. There were many times she wanted to tell Josh she knew his secret, but she always bit her tongue and withheld the confrontation.

She knew she wouldn't be able to do this for long and that at some point, whether it was good timing or not, she was going to tell him.

"Are you tired?" he asked her.

"A bit, yeah. It was a long weekend."

"It was," he turned the corner and parked in her driveway. "But I'm not going to lie, I had a lot of fun. Especially on the nights where it was just us two."

She smiled sheepishly, "I'm glad you invited me. And you should really consider Pennsylvania State, if you loved it this much then it's a good sign."

He gave her a short nod, "Do you need help with your bags?"

"Yeah, just help me with the big one, I'll carry the smaller one."

As they walked inside and set the bags down, Josh couldn't help but notice that they were alone. He looked around for a bit and then closed her bedroom door.

"You're not leaving?" Maya asked.

"Not in like half an hour," he said before standing super close to her and kissing her lips, his hands trailing down further than her waist. They kissed for a whole minute before it began to intensify, he picked her up and set her on her bed. Kissing and touching every inch of her body, slipping his hand under her shirt and up to her chest.

She moaned, welcoming his hands and his embrace, but then something felt off. It wasn't his touch, it was a feeling inside of her. "No, wait, stop, we shouldn't do this."

"Why?" he said pulling away.

"Because..." she moved the hair from her face and sat upright, realizing at this moment that she couldn't lie to him anymore. Kissing him despite knowing that they could potentially break up didn't sit well with her and she wouldn't allow her heart to be messed with like that. She never knew how this would affect their intimacy until now and she realized now was the time to talk to him about it. Even though Maya didn't know a lot about romance or love, she knew one thing.

If you don't try to make things better, eventually someone would leave.

And she couldn't afford to lose anybody else.

"I know you plan on leaving New York after high school."

He stared at her blankly before putting his hands over his face. "Maya, you weren't supposed to know. At least not this soon. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

She waved off his apologies, "I'm not mad anymore, I've accepted it. I just wish that you didn't have to, you know? There are some great colleges here in New York where you can be close to me, where you don't have to leave."

"That's the thing, babe, it's not you. You're not the reason I'm leaving, it's my parents. I'm tired of being around them, you know how they are."

"Leaving isn't going to help, Josh. You should know this. It's not going to solve anything, you think you're going to escape them, but you won't. Not unless you tell them something."

He didn't say anything, he just looked away.

"I know this is selfish to ask, but Josh I really don't want to lose you. I love you too much to let you go this soon, so can you please consider applying here in New York?"

He didn't realize how much he needed to hear her say something like that to consider it. It was like she could compel him to do whatever she asked him to and he would. It also made him think of all the times they could spend together and he wanted that.

"Okay, I'll apply. For you."

She brought him closer to him and caressed his cheeks. "I really do love you."

"I love you too."

_**ooo**_

Lucas sat in his truck not being able to keep his eyes off Riley and Zay. He watched as they spoke with each other, specifically eyeing the way Riley acted around him. She expressed herself in a completely different manner to the dark-skinned teen than she did with him. With Zay, she was comfortable and free, almost like they had spoken often, and Lucas didn't like that he was barely finding out about their friendship. They spoke - or shamelessly flirted (he couldn't tell) - as if they had all the time in the world. He watched as she laughed and gently pushed him away, touching his biceps in the process and taking her time to remove her hands. It all looked shady to Lucas, almost as if she was flirting. He didn't realize how angry he was until he saw how white his knuckles had turned.

His nostrils beginning to flare at the mental image of her twirling her hair with that flirtatious glint in her eyes.

He kept his eyes on both of them, getting impatient with Riley who had been talking to Zay since they were a block away. He couldn't help but think that Riley told him she didn't need a ride to school because she was going to walk with Zay instead.

He clenched his jaw at the thought. After a few more minutes of watching them talk, they hugged goodbye and Riley started walking towards Lucas' truck. She had a smile on her lips and that was enough to upset him.

"Hey," she greeted, kissing his cheek.

"Hey," he said lamely, masking his anger, but he wasn't sure for how long. When she settled in and started using her phone, Lucas couldn't help but ask her about what he saw. "Did you cancel on me so you and Zay could walk to school?"

She shook her head no, "I canceled because I wasn't going to be ready by the time you pulled up. I didn't want to keep you waiting."

He scratched the curve on his chin, "But why were you walking with Zay though?"

"He was out on a morning run and we crossed paths," she answered. "He slowed down when he saw me and we walked here."

"Cool," he nodded. He wanted to know more about their conversation, but he didn't know how to segway into that without seeming jealous or angry, which he was. He decided to ask in a nice tone. "What'd you guys talk about? I mean, you were talking to him for a while so it must've been important, right?"

"Not really," she responded, dryly.

A long disappointed sigh escaped his throat. She never tells him the information he needs to know. She always responded with short answers and kept the important details out as if to mess with him. "What about Carter? What do you guys talk about when I'm not around?" Lucas hadn't mentioned it yet, but he hated the fact that a guy Riley was really close to was staying over at her house. He always tried to be around when Carter was to ensure that he wasn't doing anything he wasn't supposed to.

Riley turned to him, "I don't know, we kind just talk about tv shows. I got him into Stranger Things and he's currently on a binge so...not much. He's funny though."

He cracked his fingers, chuckling to hide the fact that he was angry with her. "Do you remember meeting my parents?" he asked. "How you said that I was the second guy your parents met...? Do you want to tell me who the first guy was?"

"Err," Riley elongated the word. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell Lucas considering the first guy her parents met was Charlie, a close friend of his, who was once her boyfriend.

No one knew Charlie and her dated for a month because they agreed to keep it a secret, which was part of the reason they broke up.

"Does it matter?" she asked.

"My God, Riley," he expressed, clearly agitated. He was no longer able to conceal his anger and began to show it instead. "Just give me one fucking answer, you can't even do that?"

"Why are you mad?" she asked, her head turning in his direction.

"Because I'm your boyfriend! You're supposed to be telling me about these things."

She placed her hand on her forehead, confused. "What? What on Earth, do I need to tell you this time?"

"Okay, I guess I need to spell this shit out for you because you don't even know what you're doing wrong. You got three dudes in your life you're not telling me about. Zay, when the fuck did you guys start becoming friends? You two never talked when we were dating and the minute we are, you're seeing him in private, he's walking you to school, you can't keep your eyes off him, and he's hugging you goodbye? Don't you see how that looks? Riley, the only guy you should be doing that with is me. Otherwise, it gives off the wrong message."

"You act like - "

"I'm talking!" he yelled at her. "Shut the fuck up!"

Riley was shocked by the volume in his voice. She had never heard him yell so loud.

"When I ask you about Carter and what you talk about, you need to tell me," he pressured. "And why," he put emphasis on the word, "Why don't you want to tell me about your first boyfriend?"

"Whoever I dated before you is none of your business," she scowled.

He stared at her intensely and clenched his jaw, "Give me your phone."

She shook her head no.

"Riley, give me your phone. If you're not going to tell me I'll find out some other way."

After another minute of arguing, Riley handed over her phone. He took it quickly and started going through her social media apps. "Why are you talking to this many dudes?" he questioned her accusingly.

"Excuse me, but do I need your permission?" Riley retaliated. "They're friends. You act like I'm flirting with them."

He started reading through her messages with Carter. There were dozens of messages and he was surprised by the length of it, considering they basically lived together. "I don't want you talking to Carter this often. He walks around your house shirtless way too often and he's always bragging about himself, it's obvious he's flirting. He also cracks every fucking joke to make you laugh."

Riley rolled her eyes, "Are you done? Can I go now?"

He handed her phone back, "I'm taking you home after school, there's no way you're walking."

**_ooo_**

It took some convincing to get Riley to go out with him later that night. She said she was busy doing homework, but he wanted to see her and clear the air because of their argument, but when she left her house and walked towards his car, Lucas felt himself sigh.

"What is it?" Riley asked as she noticed his sudden hesitation.

"Look, I'm gonna be honest with you, Riley. If we go to this party and you're dressed like that, I ain't ever gonna hear the end of it."

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed, frustratedly. "My friends are gonna clown on me if they see you dressed like this and dudes are gonna be all over you."

She turned away, clearly exhausted of his reasonings. She hated that he always had to have a say on everything she wore. "Okay, well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Don't worry about that," he said reaching into the back seat of his truck. "Here, wear my sweater."

**_ooo_**

Riley was glad the party was casual. There weren't that many people and she didn't feel the need to casually tag behind Lucas' every move, she was able to sit down and make conversation with the people around her from time to time.

They were an hour in when Riley decided to use the bathroom. The bathroom in the master bedroom was the kind of bathroom that had his and hers sink with the toilet in a different room. Which, unfortunately for Riley, did not work in her favor.

When she finished and began washing her hands, Riley saw someone she was not interested in seeing.

Missy.

"I knew it smelled like fish in here," she taunted.

Riley ignored her and reapplied her lipstick. She wasn't interested in talking to her and there was no way she was going to let Missy ruin her day.

"Let me fix that mess you call your makeup," the brunette teased, approaching her.

Riley couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just that... you're talking about fixing my makeup when you're out here looking like a whole powdered donut," she placed her lipstick into her purse and walked away.

"Stop. I didn't come here to make fun of you, there's something I need to tell you," Missy revealed.

"What?" Riley questioned, lamely. "What could it possibly be? I really don't like talking to you."

"I know what really went down with Victoria and Lucas that night at Emerson's party."

Riley's expression changed, "What are you talking about?"

"Victoria told me what really happened. And I know she's telling the truth."

"I _know_ what happened," Riley responded.

"I don't think you do."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you're still dating him," Missy responded. "Do you even know the reason why we cut Victoria off? Why she doesn't hang out with us anymore?"

She shook her head no.

"She slept with Tamara's boyfriend. This isn't even the first time she's slept with a guy that's in a relationship," she informed. "It's what she does and we got tired of it. We decided to kick her out. That's why we went to a different party because we knew Victoria's drunk ass would be at Emerson's."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"Victoria tried to record the entire thing. She sent me a video of their conversation and even though it's just the audio you can hear Lucas' voice. It's pretty obvious they were making out. I can send it to you if you want."

Riley gulped, "I'm not saying that I believe you, but if I did...why would Victoria do this? Why would she try to be my friend then make out Lucas the next."

"Because that's what she does. She tries to be your friend so she could get closer to your boyfriend. She did the same thing with Tamara and with the other girls she's done this to." Missy swallowed the lump in her throat, "I know that she talked to you about me that night, she probably told you things I never wanted you to know, but everything she did that night was to hurt me...you were just collateral damage."

"So your crush on Lucas - ?"

"All real. That's why she posted that picture she took with him, the one where she's kissing his cheek and her hands are on his abs? She wanted me to see it. She was so drunk she even sent me a video of it to make sure I saw it. She didn't realize that in doing that she was exposing herself because the school knew you and Lucas were dating."

Riley didn't know what to think. Everything Missy said had made sense. If the reason the Chanel's cut ties with Victoria was because she kept sleeping with her friend's boyfriend's, then that would explain why she basically kept flirting with Lucas the entire time they talked. It would also explain why Victoria decided to tell her everything about Missy, especially her crush on Lucas and jealousy for Riley. But then if that were true, then that would mean that Missy really had an audio recording of what went down that night in the bathroom between Lucas and Victoria. Which basically meant...Lucas lied to Riley.

Something _did_ happen.

"Why would you tell me this?" Riley asked. "You could've had the satisfaction in knowing that Lucas was lying to me, but you told me?"

"I don't like Victoria. And it's not fair on your end."

Riley stared into the brunette's almond eyes. She watched as they failed to make eye contact with hers and in that moment, Riley suddenly knew why. "No, that's not it. I know you, Missy, you told me this so I could break up with Lucas and you could have him for yourself. It might be the truth, but you didn't tell me this with the right intention. You just want Lucas for yourself and let me tell you something," she leveled herself with the brunette, "You'll never get him."

"Riley," a girl called out as she ran into the room. She needed a few seconds to catch her breath, "I've been looking all over for you. You need to come get your man, he's about to get in a fight."

_**ooo**_

When Lucas gets drunk, he doesn't think. He becomes aggressive and starts picking fights with anybody that gets on his nerves. Sometimes it's easy to control him, but then there are times - like today - when it's not.

Riley spent fifteen minutes talking him out of getting into a fight with a guy from another school that had accidentally spilled his drink on Lucas. It was an innocent mistake but Lucas' burst of anger created a lot of tension. And in trying to calm him down, Riley and Lucas began to argue.

She tried to convince him to leave, but he refused and half an hour later, Lucas was too drunk to drive. He even refused to let Riley drive his truck because she was talking to a guy he didn't know.

Which meant they had to walk home.

Which only made them argue more.

"That was so fucking mature of you, Riley," Lucas sneered as he followed her.

"You yelled at me in front of everyone," she retaliated.

"I told you not to talk to him!"

"You tell me to do a lot of things. A lot of stupid things."

They crossed the street, "Literally every time I turned around, you were talking to him," he informed. "You keep thinking you're single."

"We talk every single day. You make talking to someone else sound like a crime. And you were standing on the other side of the yard talking to God knows how many girls - "

"What?" he asked, frustrated. "That's different. I was with my friends - "

"How is that different?" she stopped in her tracks. She was staring at him with her arms crossed waiting for an answer.

"I wasn't flirting - "

"And I was?" she questioned him, baffled.

"What do you think people are gonna say when they see you, _my girl_, talking to another dude the way you were talking to him? Laughing at everything he said like he's some fucking comedian."

"Lucas it was Zay," she yelled at him, hoping that his drunkenness would allow him to realize how wrong he was. "You really think I'd flirt with him?"

"It's not what I think it's what people think. What my friends think - "

She scoffed, "What do _you_ think?"

"That doesn't matter -"

"That's such bullshit, Lucas."

He stood there, silent. Staring back at her waiting for her to say something. "You really think I'd do that?"

"I think that _he_ would."

She shook her head disapporovingly, "He didn't. I didn't. He's my friend. My word should be enough. You should believe me when I tell you things like this."

"I just wanted you to be by my side the entire night. You're my girlfriend, Riley. We came together, we stay together, we leave together."

"You left me!" she yelled at him. "When your friends showed up that's who you went to talk to."

"Why didn't you follow me?" he questioned, throwing his hands up to show how frustrated he was.

"So I could follow you around like some puppy? I'm not gonna do that, Lucas. When you're with them you ignore me. It's like you want me around for show or something - "

"That's bullshit - "

"What?" she challenged.

"Nothing," he said.

She turned around and continued to walk. She wanted nothing more than to go home, to forget the humiliation she currently felt and curl up in a ball and sleep. Everyone stared at them when he yelled at her, she wanted to yell back at him but that would only cause an even bigger scene. Instead, she just walked away from him and he followed.

"Do you think it felt good to be left by my own boyfriend? To overhear girls like, Rachael McCarthy say '_wow that's so sad, he literally just forgot about her.' _Zay was nice enough to keep me company - "

"Fuck it, let's go home," he said continuing with his walk, but she stopped him.

"No, no, no, no. You need to hear me on this one because I've been keeping my mouth shut for so long. Zay's the only real friend you have and your stupid for not seeing it. Meanwhile, your friend Jacob, the one you said you were cool with, is out here hitting me up saying he wants to take me out after school so he can get to know me better. I'm surprised you missed that when you were going through my phone."

"What?" he questioned.

"The one flirting with me is Jacob, not Zay. So stop being so hard on him."

"Why are you _barely_ telling me this now?"

"You're unbelievable," she scoffed. She hated that he had directed his anger at her than his friend who had stabbed him in the back by trying to get her to go on a date with him, "How is this my fault?"

"You kept it from me."

"You know what? Okay, Lucas. Let's go back to that party, let me tag along and follow you everywhere you go like some leech and hear your friends talk about girls they'd like to fuck - "

"That was one time and I told them to stop because you were around."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That makes total sense. You're right Lucas it doesn't matter anymore. You told them to stop it's all good," she said sarcastically. "Let's go back so I can sit through those talks and maybe then I'll please you. Maybe that's what I need to do to stop you from yelling at me in front of all those people."

"That's not fair."

"That's not fair?" she questioned him. "You being mad at me for talking to my friend, Zay, is not fair."

"So you're turning this around on me?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"This is _my_ fault?"

"Because it is," she declared.

"That's bullshit," he cursed.

"This isn't working," she said when she realized this argument wasn't going anywhere. Instead of agreeing, they had awakened the entire block from all the yelling they'd done.

"See, you need some sleep."

"No, what I need to do is get the hell away from you."

"Where are you going?" he asked when she staring walking onto a different block. "Riley? Riley!"

_**ooo**_

Riley had never woken up as sad as she was today. All the arguing with Lucas from the day before and her long walk home left her extremely tired. She didn't have the energy to shower when she got home so she went straight to sleep.

Now that her alarm went off and it was time to get dressed for school, she decided to sneak in a quick shower. As she was about to knock on the door, Carter stepped out and smiled at her.

"Glad you're up, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go for coffee after school?"

The brunette ran a hand through her damp hair. Maybe Lucas was right? What if Carter really did have a crush on her and he was asking her out?

"Listen, Carter, I- I have a boyfriend and he's already on edge about you staying here. He thinks that you're flirting with me and I thought he was wrong at first, but this," she said gesturing to him. "This can't continue. It's too much and I love being with Lucas and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it, so I'm sorry I don't - "

"Riley," he tried to intervene but she didn't let him.

"- think I can. I just think it's best we stay friends because we are, you know? Cause that's all we've been and - "

"Riley..."

"It would be weird if we ever tried to be anything more - "

"Riley, I'm gay."

"You're w-what?"

"I'm gay," he laughed. "Sorry. I wasn't trying to give you the wrong impression. I swear I wasn't trying to."

"No," she said smiling, feeling quite embarrassed. "No, don't apologize. I'm the one that got ahead of myself. I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Riles. And let your boyfriend know he has nothing to worry about, okay?"

She nodded.

"But are you still down?" he asked, "I'm not making a lot of friends at your school and I need someone to help me study."

"Yeah. Just find me at my locker after seventh and we'll walk there together."

"Cool. See you then."

_**ooo**_

Riley didn't know a starry night without Lucas. She only ever stargazed when he was by her side and that was because he made it special. They could talk and laugh and enjoy the millions of specks in the night sky and nothing compared to the feelings she felt around him.

He always knew what to say and do to make her laugh and she loved that about him.

Only that wasn't the case this time around. There was something different about them, in particular, this time that neither of them knew how to address. The elephant in the room was too complicated and difficult to talk about that both of them just sat there, in silence, not knowing what to do.

All Riley could think about was everything they had gone through in the past two days:

She met his parents on Sunday night and learned about Lucas' relationship with his father. He opened up about it and she convinced him to talk to his dad about their problems. She thought this was enough for them to be on good terms for at least a few days, but she was wrong. They were arguing the next day.

Riley didn't understand why Lucas was so against her friendship with Zay. It was almost like he didn't want her to have the same friends as him and Riley had convinced herself that was the case. He'd ask to see her phone the second he felt like she was keeping something from him and it annoyed her. He'd read every one of her conversations and make a big deal out of nothing which only complicated things.

Then there was Carter who Lucas believed was flirting with Riley. He went into a wild rant about it and she started to think it might be true as well. Only when she told Carter about it, he told her he was gay and that he didn't mean to flirt with her; which only went to show how Lucas was worried about nothing.

She turned to look at him and thought about the argument they got into the night before. It started after Lucas almost got into a fight, she thought they were done for the night and told him it was best they went home, but he refused to. He got drunk half an hour later enough that he couldn't drive home. Riley offered to take them home but he refused to let her drive his truck, which meant they had to walk...which lead to more arguing.

"I think we should talk about it," Riley whispered.

"Let's just forget it happened," he suggested, lost in thought. He wore a gray hoodie that covered his head and he was dressed in sweats as if he was seconds away from falling asleep. His voice was hoarse and Riley couldn't tell why.

"I think that's a terrible idea - "

"Well, I don't think it is," he fired back, his voice was stern and heavy. "I really don't want to talk about it. All you're going to talk about is how I've been fucking up these past couples of days and I don't want to sit here listening to you rant about it."

"I just want to talk," she said to him. "If we ignore this it's going to keep happening, we've talked about this."

"Yeah well maybe we shouldn't have," he countered.

Riley continued to stare at him and that's when she began to understand what he was possibly upset about. The last time they talked in his car she convinced him to talk to his dad, she never heard back from him. "Did you talk to him?"

He looked away like he was going to cry.

"It didn't go well, did it?" Riley shuddered.

He nodded in confirmation.

"I'm sorry. You were right, I'm so sorry, Lucas."

The reason Lucas didn't feel comfortable expressing his feelings around his dad was due to his father's lack of empathy and communication. He taunted and bullied Lucas more than anyone else and that caused Lucas to distant himself from him.

When Lucas told her, Riley convinced him to finally confront his dad.

She couldn't only assume it didn't go well.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, "He walked out," Lucas confessed brokenly. "He just got up and left the room, didn't even let me finish my sentence."

She felt herself cry. A huge part of it had to due with guilt, he had warned her about his dad and what he would say if Lucas ever opened himself up to him. She could only imagine the pain he was in and she blamed herself for it. "Is that why you've been so angry these past couples of days?"

He nodded, "Part of it, yeah. It's just...I feel like hitting something all the time. It's like I have all this anger for him that's been building up and I don't know how to control it. And I lashed out at you because of it and then I end up feeling guilty and I just...I don't know what to do."

Riley took his hand, "Just tell me. Talk to me. I told you I would be here if everything fell apart, but I'm not going to know if you don't talk about it. Why do you feel like you need to hide your feelings?"

"Because of him, Riley," he answered. "He never makes me feel good about showing emotions and he proved that to me on Monday..."

"Well, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You don't need to hide them, you don't need to pretend like it doesn't hurt you when it does, that's never good. Look at all the arguing we did these past few days..." She placed both her hands on his cheeks and looked into his eyes, "I'd never judge you for feeling. I love you too much to ever hurt you."

"Is that - did you just say you love me?" Lucas asked as tears ran down his flushed face.

She smiled, "Yeah. I did. I do. I love you so much."

They kissed. Riley knew this was right, Riley knew what she felt was right and she was never this sure about anything in her life. As they continued to kiss, she pulled away for a second, not allowing herself to get too distracted. "I need to tell you something."

A worried look plastered on his face. "What is it?"

He watched as her head tilted forward, studying him. "I feel like if we keep arguing like this we're gonna end up breaking up..."

"What?" he asked, "No, I wouldn't let that happen."

"It still wouldn't change the fact that we'd be arguing..." she informed. "The guy that my parents met before you...he...um...he was my boyfriend at the time. He was Charlie."

Lucas' expression fell flat, "What?"

"We didn't tell anyone because he wanted it to be a secret."

"Hold on," he was evidently unsettled by what she had just revealed, "Gardner? Charlie Gardner? You dated him?"

She nodded, "We dated on the low for a few days. He said that he liked me and I started to have feelings for him too. He was cute at first and we went on a date and he even met my parents."

"Why'd it end?" he questioned, curiously.

"He ended up blowing off a few dates with me to get high with his friends," she told him. "He'd tell me he was stuck at work or dealing with some things and when I found out, I broke up with him. I'm not gonna lie to you, Lucas, he broke my heart. He chose drugs," she kept a neutral face and a part of her was happy she no longer felt the need to cry. "Like if a guy is canceling dates with me because he wants to pop a few pills then what does that say about me, right? It was embarrassing, Lucas. And it fucked up my self-esteem."

He hugged her, "I'm gonna kill him."

"No. Please don't. I'm over it, this happened a long time ago I really don't want to reopen any wounds. I just told you because I know that you wanted to know. And I trust you."

"I'm glad you did," he thanked her, kissing her forehead. "From now on, I'll be honest with you about my feelings. I promise you, I'll tell you everything."

She kissed him again. This was the first time, in a while, that they were able to reach an understanding and communicate without arguing. She was happy they were making progress and she was sure they wouldn't argue anytime soon.

"Well, since you're in love with me now...do you think I can take you out right now?"

She smiled, staring at him lovingly. "Yeah. Let's go."

**_ooo_**

When Riley got home that night and got ready for bed, she felt her phone chime. She wasn't prepared for what she was about to see.

She received a text from Missy and with it was the audio she promised to send her. The one where Lucas was allegedly making out with Victoria.

She played the video and listened to it closely, she could barely hear what was going on, but whatever it was and whoever they were, they were definitely making out.

And then she heard it. She heard Lucas' voice.

And he said, "My girl can't know about this."

**_oOoOoOoOo_**

**A/N: As always let me know what you guys think. One of the things about Lucas and Riley's relationship - besides the fact that it's toxic - is that they always make up and focus on the good in their relationship. You saw it in this chapter today, they both opened up about some personal things in their lives. Lucas opened up about his relationship with his dad and how his dad bullies him for showing his feelings and Riley opened up about her relationship with Charlie. This, in many ways, will make it harder for the both of them. **

**Because it's always the tiniest bit of good in a toxic relationship that's enough for them to stay. **

**And that's the tea. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	13. 12: Breakups to Endings

**A/N: Hi guys! I wanted to clear the air because I noticed that some of you guys have begun to think that Lucas is going to be physically abusive. That's not the case for this type of toxic relationship. I guess I forgot to mention that, in this case, Rucas is an emotionally abusive relationship and that's all. There's no physicality involved. Although both forms of abuse are terrible, I felt like I was more capable of writing emotional abuse and the psychology behind it. I've included the different factors in the story, they've just been sprinkled throughout so let me know if you have caught onto them. **

**I also want to give a special shoutout to ****Katy Kear for helping me out with this chapter. Originally when I asked, I was completely slumped with writing and she was so quick to help me and it really meant a lot. Thanks girl!**

**I also wanted to mention that next chapter will pick up a year later so you will see somethings wrap - in a sense - with this chapter. You'll see the outcome of everything that happends today in next weeks chapter.**

**Guest: Here's the next chapter! **

**Gert: So glaadd! Loved the energy!**

**Guest: You said it best. "no matter how many make ups and sweet moments they have, at the end of the day it's a dangerous relationship they're having."**

**Hey: You guys are basically on point with everything it's just the physical abuse part that you guys are off. But nicely worded: "Lucas is too controlling and possessive of Riley, that is not a good sign. What they have is illusive love, something that isn't real at all. Riley needs to get out while she still can."**

**seleninta: Yes, that's exactly it. It's a rollercoaster of good and bad and everything seems to pile up yet they stay together. **

**GuestEstelle: I loved the in-depth analysis in your review. It was on point and tackled everything I wanted my readers to know. Thank you much. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 12**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

"Hey, you ready?" Lucas asked Riley as she placed her textbooks in her locker. She was wearing an orange crop top with black ripped jeans and Lucas couldn't help but notice how well it complemented her curves. "You look really good by the way."

"Thank you," she pecked his lips and in doing so, Riley caught sight of Missy's stare from the opposite end of the hallway. This was her first time seeing them together since she told her about the audio recording. Riley noticed she looked stunned, almost as if she expected them to break up.

She brought her attention back to Lucas, "Actually, I forgot to tell you I have a meeting today for a fundraiser. It'll only take fifteen minutes, maybe less."

"Okay. I'll wait for you in my car."

"Just come with me," she offered. "We're already here. The meeting is in there."

Lucas turned to the class she pointed to, the room was directly beside them. "See that's the thing Riley, I just don't want to...Riley - "

"Too late," she grabbed his hand and dragged him inside.

"Riley," Bailey Williams greeted. "Glad you can make it. Nice to see you, Lucas."

"Hey," he said back as he followed Riley to a seat nearby.

"Do I need to be here?" he asked, "It's lunch, c'mon, why don't I go get you something to eat and I'll be back by the time the meetings over?"

She shook her head no. "I'm not hungry."

"Since the 5k run is less than a month away, we should really start narrowing down on our donations?" Bailey, president of their club, asked. "Have we contacted any local businesses?"

Riley, alongside a few other students, nodded.

"Pizza Parlor and the ice cream place downtown said they can offer gift cards, but that's as much as they can do."

"Great, that's good anyone else?"

"My mom's cafe can personalize mugs with our 5k run design on them," Riley informed. "It's a cool little machine she purchased I'll talk to her about it."

"That's perfect. I also wanted to mention that the printing shop in town finished our shirts," she reached into a box behind her and demonstrated one to everyone else, "What do we think?"

"It's fire!"

"So pretty."

"We got over a hundred of these so can we each take like 10 home and fold them? Then bring them back the day of the event?" She turned to look at them all. "Great, just come pick them up on your way out."

The meeting came to an end and Riley and Lucas walked to his truck. They had thirty minutes left of lunch which meant they grab a bite to eat outside of school. "Are you feeling pizza or burgers?"

"Let's just go to my house, there's leftover lasagna from yesterday. We can toast some bread."

"Yes," Lucas cheered. "Thank God, your mom's lasagna is amazing."

She smiled at the excitement on his face.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I never thanked you for sending me your rough draft yesterday," Lucas began, "You saved my ass, I don't think I would've been able to turn it in if you hadn't sent it to me."

"No problem, I'm surprised you finished it in time though. It was a five-page essay you had to turn in, you must've struggled."

"What are you talking about? I just put my name on it and turned it in. It was easy."

"What?" she asked, frozen in place. "What'd you do?"

"It wasn't that hard. I just put my name on it."

She stared at him for a second, realizing what he had done. "Did you turn my paper in as your own?"

"Yeah, that's why I asked you for it," Lucas couldn't tell why she was so confused.

"Why would you do that? That was _my_ paper. We had the same assignment, what am I gonna turn in now?"

He shrugged, "Riley, you sent it to me...I thought it was okay."

"Why would you think it's okay? Do you even know how long it takes to write an essay, Lucas? I need to rewrite an entirely different argument now that's gonna take me hours."

"Just lower your voice people are starting to stare," he whispered the second he noticed she was upset.

Riley looked around and realized he was right. People were staring. "Sorry, I just..."

"I was just trying to turn this paper in," Lucas spoke, his voice soft. "My grades are dropping and my parents are still on my ass about it, and you know how things are with my dad right now. I don't want them to get me in trouble because if they do, they won't let me see you. I'll be grounded." He brought the brunette closer to him, "Are you mad at me?"

She wasn't mad she was just stressed she was going to have to rewrite her entire paper. "No, I just...it's fine. It doesn't matter. I'll think of something else."

"See, I knew you wouldn't be upset," he kissed her forehead. "You'll be fine."

**_ooo_**

Maya laid in Josh's bed, playing with his pillows as he completed his homework on his computer.

She turned to look at him for a second, he didn't have his shirt on but he wore a beanie and Maya couldn't help but smile. Even though she could only see the back of his head she couldn't help but realize how handsome he was.

"What are you working on?"

"AP Physics," he answered. "There's a worksheet due in a couple of minutes and I still haven't finished it."

"Ugh, did you just say physics?"

"Yeah, I did - " he stopped talking and Maya took notice.

"What?"

"NYU just accepted me!" he answered, his voice deep in shock.

The blonde sat upright, "What? Did they really?"

"Yeah, they did." He turned around to show her the letter he had ripped open. "Look. It says 'Congratulations! You've been accepted...'"

"Holy shit!" she yelled excitedly while hugging him. "We don't have to break up anymore."

"What?"

"We don't have to break up anymore," she reminded him. "I'll be a senior, my mom always said I could have more freedom next year so I can come to visit you on the weekends. You won't be far so we can see each other more often."

"Yeah," he agreed when she started pointing that out. "I guess you're right."

"I'm not going to lie to you I was scared I was going to lose you, but now I know I'm not," they leaned their heads against each other. "I love you so much, Josh."

He cupped her cheek and looked her in the eyes, "I love you too, Maya."

_**ooo**_

"Thank's again for the ride," Isadora said to Farkle as she entered her key in her apartment door. "You didn't have to walk me up here."

"I wanted to," he replied, "Plus, it gives me a little more time to spend with you."

She pecked his lips, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay."

"Actually," he said, stopping her from closing the door on him, "Do you think I can I come in?" he asked, innocently.

"You know you can't. My parents - "

"Won't be back till five. It's barely about to be four o'clock. We can spend this hour with each other, please?"

She had to admit that his proposal was convincing. She thought about the little time they could spend in school, even though they were together for seven hours, they weren't allowed to be as intimate as they wanted to. Since they were alone, they were able to do just that. "Okay, but you're out before five, got it?" she uttered lightly.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, jokingly; kissing her and stepping inside. He placed his hands on her cheeks and continued to take her in, admiring every second of it.

_I'm falling for him, _is Isadora's first thought as she's wrapped by his embrace. His lips are soft and perfectly match with hers almost as she's destined to be with him. The pressure of their lips against each other intensified, as he laid her against her living room couch. She giggled when his kisses moved from her lips to her to the curve of her neck.

"Shouldn't we do this in your room?" he asked, breaking their kiss and stepping back.

She stared into his eyes, there was something about him and the fact that they were making out on a couch rather than a bed that made the feeling a hundred times more exciting. "I'm fine right here."

"Okay," he smiled, happy that she was on board with what they were about to do. "Never thought we'd be doing this on a Friday afternoon in your apartment."

"We're full of surprises, Farkle Minkus," she pulled him down and straddled him, placing her hands on his chest and unbuttoning his shirt. There's a purposeful look in her eyes that's attractive to him, he can tell she wants this just as much as he does and it's turning him on. He brushed the hair out of her face, wanting to get a better look at her as they continued.

She leaned forward, placing her lips on his bare chest. Working her way down as she moved to his stomach and eventually his waist.

"Isadora," he whimpers.

The corners of her lips turn into a smile and she looks up to see him. She presses her lips against his once more and he grabbed her hips, pulling her closer against him. Craving the pleasure in the friction their bodies create.

Just then the front door opened and Isadora's dad walked in. They immediately jumped apart from each other and stood, staring at him guiltily. Farkle tugged at his shirt, trying to button it before he took notice but it was too late.

The level of silence in the room was enough to last them a lifetime. It was so quiet and so heavy, they were sure they could hear a pin drop.

Isadora's heart fell to her chest as she stared at her dad. She could feel her legs give out due to the fear she felt and she wished he said something.

"Mr. - " Farkle choked out.

He raised his hand to silence him, "Get out. You're not welcome here. This is the last time I want to see you."

Farkle turned to Isadora. Her eyes couldn't meet his, the pool of tears that had gathered in her eyes had found their way down her cheeks and she looked scared.

"Just go," her voice cracked.

He wanted to go back in time and change this from happening. He couldn't believe they had been caught and as he left their apartment, he was certain this was the end of their relationship. His parents would force her to break up with him and she'd never be allowed to leave her house if it isn't for school.

No matter the outcome, it would be his fault that she has to go through that.

And the guilt had already started eating him alive.

_**ooo**_

Since Carter only had one more day with the Matthews, he wanted to spend a good portion of that time talking to Riley. This was because they had a special connection when they were younger and they didn't get to spend a lot of time together as he imagined, he just wanted to revive that connection before he left.

They sat on the fire escape right outside her bay window, Carter was giving her a recap of his week and he was happy he was able to live with them for a week. They made him feel comfortable and that's all he ever really wanted.

The late January breeze was kind on them and Riley enjoyed his company. "Do you remember when we were kids?"

He chuckled, "I remember a lot of the crazy shit we did."

"Do you remember Mikaela? My annoying neighbor who was always biting people and acting like a horse?"

Carter laughed. "I hated her. She was always mean to us for no reason."

"That's because she didn't have any friends of her own. She didn't hate us, she was just jealous of us. We were best friends."

Carter thought about it, it made sense. "Never thought about it like that. What happened to her by the way? She's not your neighbor anymore, is she?"

She shrugged, "She's not, but she probably moved schools. I haven't seen her in the longest time."

"The last memory I have of her was when she barked at me," Carter revealed and Riley laughed, "I guess she forgot she was a horse."

"Girl was probably bilingual," Riley chimed in.

They shared a good minutes laugh at their little exchange. When it became quiet between the two, the brunette turned to look at him. His hair had grown out and he was dressed in a green Nike sweater with black sweats. "What's it like back at your school? I'm one hundred percent certain your school is better."

"I'm not gonna lie, it kind of is. There are more things to do and our school actually gets along with its students. Plus, my friends and my boyfriend are there so they make everything better."

"What's his name?"

"Zayn," he answered. Riley noticed how his name alone made him smile and for a second she was able to see how much he loved him.

"How did you meet him?"

"Detention. Yeah, I know. We're quite the troublemakers."

"What'd you do?" she asked, interested. She turned her body to face him, so she could hear him better.

"We were doing a lab in science class and I accidentally mixed two chemicals I wasn't supposed to and...one thing led to another...and I made a mess. My teacher knew I did it on purpose and he gave me detention."

"So I guess it wasn't accidental, now, was it?" she questioned him jokingly. "How did you guys start dating? Did you know Zayn was gay?"

"I did. We had a thing going on on the low and we were ready to come out, so we did it together. I asked him out."

"That's cute," she complimented as she turned to the city, the view from her room was always her favorite.

"What did you say a few days ago about Lucas being jealous? Is that true?"

"It is," she murmured in confirmation. "He thought you were flirting with me because you were being funny and walking around the apartment shirtless...I told him that was far from the truth. You don't need to worry, he just gets jealous sometimes."

He nodded, "Do you love him?"

"I do," she confirmed. "I just told him a few days ago. I wanted to wait till I was sure I was and in the moment, it felt right. It _feels_ right."

"I can't wait to fall in love with Zayn," he said hopefully. "I don't want to rush it, though. I feel like that would only confuse me. I just know I care about him and I don't ever want to break up with him."

"You don't want to rush it. Just make sure you love him before you tell him."

"How do you know you're in love?"

"Honestly, you just do. You get super happy when you're with them, thinking about them alone makes the butterflies in your stomach rise...everything just feels better when you're with them. That's how I knew."

He nodded as if he was taking a mental note of everything she had just said. "I'm really glad we're talking like old times."

"That would imply we could talk the last time we hung out."

He laughed, "What are you talking about? Of course, we could."

"It feels like forever ago."

"It does. That's because we didn't talk to each other for the longest time."

"Well then let's change that," she suggested. "Let's talk to each other more often. We have each other's numbers, we'll facetime and we'll fill each other in our love lives, what do you say? Do we got a deal?"

He shook her hand on it, "Yeah. There are some things I would love to talk to you about?"

"Like what?"

"Can we talk about Lucas' fine ass for a second? Like how'd you find one of those?"

"Oh my God," she said through a laugh, "Show me a picture of Zayn I want to see what you're dealing with..."

_**ooo**_

Maya wrapped herself in Josh's arms as they watched a movie on his living room couch. He leaned his chin on her head and Maya couldn't help but draw on Josh's palm with her index finger. She couldn't stop thinking about their future together and how often they would see each other. She started idealizing different scenarios in her head where she would visit him on the weekends and they would have cute study dates, everything about it made her happy that he wasn't moving far. She could feel herself smile as she snuggled herself into him, taking in his scent because it was the only thing that made her happy.

"I really do love you, Josh," she told him with a sweet softness in her voice.

"I love you too," he responded, kissing her forehead.

Nothing felt better than the time they spent alone together. He could compare it to anything in the world and it wouldn't compare to the feelings Maya awakened in him. It was as if she outnumbered the most valuable things on the planet because she was that for him – valuable and irreplaceable.

There was a temporary silence that made Josh's anxiety peak. He needed to tell her what he felt about attending NYU as his school because it was eating him alive. He needed to tell her what he thought was best for his future.

"I need to tell you something." His voice shook a little.

"What is it?"

He lowered his head to look into her eyes. Whatever face he had on, Josh did not mean to make it so obvious. One look into his eyes and Maya could tell that he was going to tell her something serious.

She sat upright and turned to him, concerned. "What is it, Josh?" She asked with urgency in her voice.

He took a deep breath, nervous to tell what he was going to say. He ran his hand through his hair. Her eyes stared timidly into his and he could tell she was preparing herself for terrible news.

"I'm not going to NYU," he confessed. "It's just not the school for me. It doesn't feel like the right decision and I don't want to regret staying."

"Oh," she said with a crack inserting itself into her voice. She felt the sudden need to cry because that meant her hopes and dreams of them staying together were over, just like that. She felt the lump in her throat form and her heart slowly falling to the pit of her stomach.

He heard it—the crack in her voice—he broke her, he knows he did. This was the last thing he'd ever want to do.

"What does that mean for us?" She asked.

"I used to think that breaking up was our only option, but it doesn't feel right," he said. She looked up at him, the hope forming in her eyes once again. "All it's done is prove to me how much I love you and how much I need you in my life. I can't give up what we have, Maya." He took her hand and held it like it was the last time. "I know it's not fair of me to ask you this, but I feel like we should try long distance."

"Long-distance," she repeated like it was a brand new concept for her; even though she knew someone that was in a long-distance relationship before, and a successful one, at that.

"I'm willing to try if you are," he said. "It might be hard, but I know our love is strong enough to withstand anything."

She looked into his eyes and that's when she was able to hear the hope in his words. It became a feeling and she felt it revive her broken heart. There was hope in their future and that's all she'd ever search for. It's all she ever wanted since the moment she found out he was going to college out of state. She believed wholeheartedly that their relationship could survive being apart for a few years and if that was their only hope, then she wanted to try it.

"Loving you feels right, Josh. And I don't have to see you to keep loving you. I'll always love you. If this is the only way to stay together, then so be it. I'm not going to stop you from leaving for college that wouldn't be fair. I just want you to be happy."

He wiped the tear from her cheek, "We're gonna talk every day," he suggested hopefully. "I mean it, Maya, I'm gonna call you every second of the day. So keep your phone close to you at all times."

She chuckled, the tears running down her cheeks. "We can try, but if we can't then we'll catch each other up whenever we can," she said. "We can try Skype every night. And we have to promise each other to tell the other everything. No lies from each other, especially when we're in different states."

"Agreed," he confirmed. For the first time since the fall, Josh was beginning to feel confident and hopeful in his relationship with Maya. He was scared of breaking up with her in the past and because of it, he felt like something was bound to break them up before he actually needed to. But now that they were putting in the effort to see each other and maintain their relationship, he was beginning to feel happy. "I love you, Maya. You have no idea how much."

She hugged him, holding him tightly because in a few months she wasn't going to be able to.

"Even though there's still a long time ahead of us, I can't help but feel nervous."

He understood what she meant. "I know, I do too. Just promise me we're not gonna get mad at each other for stupid things and break up when there's no reason to."

"I promise," she leaned her forehead against him. "Promise me we'll be honest with each other. And that we'll do everything to save the relationship if there's ever a time where we feel like it's falling apart."

"I promise."

He looked into her eyes and breathed. He was relieved that he was able to realize that their relationship could survive distance and that they didn't need to break up.

He scared himself thinking they had to and he wasn't able to let it go.

But now he didn't need to. They weren't going to break up. They're going to do long distance.

_**ooo**_

While Carter left to use the bathroom, Riley took the time to call Lucas. They hadn't spoken since school ended and since the night was still young, she decided to check up on him. She knew that they weren't able to spend much time with each other since his parents were still tracking his grades, but she didn't realize how much she'd miss him.

When he answered the phone, his voice sounded husky and gruff. "Hey, babe."

"Hey, just wanted to see how you were doing," she said.

"Just trying to get my homework done," he answered. "Ten missing assignments left to complete."

"That's twenty-five less than last time. I'm proud of you."

"Yeah. I just fucking hate algebra, I've been watching YouTube videos on how to solve these problems. It's not really helping."

"Just ask Zay for his graded homework and copy off of him," the brunette suggested, "Mr. Anderson always hands back his graded assignments with the right answers."

He breathed a light sigh, "We'll talk later. My parents can come into my room any second now and if they see me on my phone they'll get me in trouble. I'll see you tomorrow, okay."

"Yeah. See you then. Bye."

_**ooo**_

It was meant to be a casual gesture, a simple make-out session between both of them without anyone knowing. All he wanted was a few extra minutes with her and because of it, he had sabotaged their entire relationship.

The look on Isadora's face when her dad walked in spoke volumes and was enough to break his heart on its own. It made him think there could never be a more crushing gesture that shattered his heart.

Now, realizing that he had punctuated their last moment as a couple with the same actions they had made when they first confessed their love for each other compounded the mistake. What's worse was, he knew he needed to fix his mistake, but her parent's inability to forgive haunted him. He could only imagine the trouble Isadora was in and the guilt alone was eating him alive.

He found himself staring out his window. Isadora had always marveled at the night sky, claiming it was a place of endless possibilities and billions of years old. He reflected on his relationship with the brunette and mentally screamed at himself for refusing to commit to her strict rules. Her parents made her out to be that way and he knew he should've respected it.

Now it would be nearly impossible to win her back.

Farkle jolted at the sound of a knock on his door and tried to stifle his tears, they were on an endless flow but he did his best.

"Hey, man," a voice whispered, full of sympathy.

The genius whipped his head up to find Zay standing at the entrance of his room; concern etched across his face as he stared at his friend. "You good?"

He forced a casual smile, but it didn't do him any justice. Zay was the first person to know about what happened. The second he was kicked out of Isadora's apartment, Farkle picked up his phone to tell him about it. Ever since they bonded over their family's ancestry, the two had grown close and a friendship was created. "I feel like shit."

"I'm really sorry, Farkle," he walked over to him and stopped when he reached his side, "I know how much you cared about her."

"Yeah," the tears flowed freely now and he hiccuped through the rest of his rambling. "It just fucking sucks, you know? I fucked it all up and her parents made her break up with me."

He placed his hand around his friend's shoulder. "We'll talk to her at school. I'm sure she doesn't want this either - "

"No, Zay," he stopped him. "It's over, she told me. Her parents know about us, do you know what they're gonna do to her? They're gonna take her phone away, she won't be able to leave her house, they're gonna lock her up in her room and make her pray for hours, she's terrified of them she'd never talk to me again."

Out of frustration, he picked up a glass vase to throw at his wall, but Zay's hand stopped him. He pulled him into his chest almost immediately, and just as suddenly, Farkle found himself sobbing. His embrace was firm but surprisingly gentle. He was overwhelmed and held him closer before reluctantly letting go.

"You're gonna be fine," the dark-skinned comforted, taking the vase from his hands. "You'll make it through this, bro. I got you."

He wiped the tears from his face and told himself he would. He had to.

"Now, pick up a game control," Zay demanded. He was determined to help his friend out of this heartbreak, "We're not stopping till those tears dry up."

_**ooo**_

Lucas carefully opened the front door to his house and stepped inside. The silence and warmth only prompted him to be all the more careful. He was sure his parents were deep asleep which is why he needed to be extremely quiet. He didn't want to wake them and get in trouble, especially when he was supposed to be raising his grades.

Once he was fully inside and closed the door, Lucas checked the time on his phone. It was 2:13 am.

Late and passed his curfew.

He slowly and gracefully went straight for the stairs, but a creak in the living room stopped him dead in his tracks. When he turned to see what had caused it, he found his dad staring at him.

"You weren't in your room" his dad began. "Your car wasn't parked in the driveway, did you really think we wouldn't notice?"

"I-ah-uh-j-," Lucas stammered. He was struggling to think of a lie to tell, the sudden realization that he had been caught was still weighing him down.

"Where'd you come from?"

He looked at the door again and then back to his dad, placing his hand on the railing. He started to think about the day his dad walked out on him for trying to have a genuine discussion with him and open up about his feelings; something they hadn't done. Ever.

Seeing him stand in the same place he tried to be sincere in, woke feelings in Lucas he never thought he'd felt. It also didn't help that he had a killer headache from the beer he had consumed earlier...or the weed he had just finished smoking.

"Why do you care?" he asked.

"What'd you just say?" Mark questioned his son.

"I said," Lucas began, threateningly. "Why do you care?"

His dad stood from the living room couch and approached him, "Listen to me, boy. I don't know where this attitude is coming from, but you have no right to be upset right now. As long as your ass is sleeping in my house, eating my food, wearing clothes you got from my money...your ass is my responsibility."

Lucas chuckled in a way that let his dad know he was being laughed at. "That's funny. That's a good one, sir," he said sarcastically. He intended to come off as disrespectful and contemptuous to highlight only a fraction of the resentment he had for him. "Except I'm only your responsibility when you need to discipline me."

They locked eyes for a second and when Mark had nothing left to say, he walked up the flight of stairs.

"Wait a second," he called out, following. "Okay, we've had some problems before, but we're figuring it out. Okay?"

"Oh that is BULLSHIT!" he yelled, turning back to face his dad. They were standing in the hallway now on the second floor, engaging in what would soon become an argument and two in the morning. "What are we figuring out, dad?! Tell me?!"

There was silence.

"The last time I tried to talk to you, father to son, your weak ass couldn't handle a fucking discussion with me." Lucas' words rolled off venomously. His newfound confidence in arguing with his dad was built on liquid courage. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or the marijuana, or both, that was giving him the fearlessness to talk back to him, but he was glad he wasn't regretting a single word. "So why do you care now? Why do you suddenly want to be my dad? I mean if you don't care about the way I feel why do you care if I go leave your house in the middle of the night?"

Mark could tell what his son had been off doing. He was older, yes, but his sense of smell was clear as day and he could tell his son wasn't sober. He tried to deliberate with him for that reason, tomorrow morning would be an entirely different story. "Go to your room. We're done talking."

Lucas didn't budge. "No, you know what? I think I'm gonna head out. Yeah, I don't even know why I came back." He headed down the stairs, but before he could leave, his dad called out to him.

"You walk out that door, don't bother coming back."

Lucas stopped in his tracks, "There's that same fucking line again. Mark Friar back at it again, reminding his son - once again - that his home isn't his, and that it can be taken away from him the second he does something to piss off his bitch ass daddy."

By this point, Lucas had walked up the stairs again. Staring at his dad challengingly.

Mark watched his every moment. He was well aware his son was upset, but he had no desire in refusing to enforce his punishments. "Your mother told me this wasn't the first time you've been coming home at this hour. If you do this shit again, don't bother coming home. Are we clear?"

Lucas walked up to him, standing extremely close. "No, sir. I don't think we are."

"You need to step back, Lucas." his father warned.

Lucas didn't listen. Instead, he got closer to him, broadening his shoulders to remind his dad that he was just as strong as he was. "You're a terrible fucking dad, you know that? All this time, ever since I was little, you never cared about anything I've done besides play football. You only criticize me when I mess up and every time I do something good you overlook it. And when I try to talk to you about it and tell you how it's affected me, you run away like a little bitch!"

"I said take a step back-"

Lucas pushed him aggressively.

Just then, Mark grabbed his son and pinned him to the ground. He tried to get him to stop punching him, but Lucas was too angry to do so. He kept hitting and hitting him in his back, head, face, and neck. Places he was sure would damage.

He found himself screaming every possible insult he could think of, calling him names he never thought he'd tell his dad. "Get off of me, motherfucker! Get the fuck off of me!"

"Stop fighting," his dad yelled. Within every hit he was receiving, he could feel the bruise forming. "STOP!"

Lucas began to cry. He felt helpless under his dad's grip and he needed an escape. Mark finally got off of him and Lucas felt like he could breathe again, but it wasn't until he received a blow to the stomach that he stopped fighting him. The pain was enough to make him start coughing intensely, grasping for a breath of air that had been caught in his throat.

He watched as his dad walked away and laid there, helpless and weak.

And in that moment, Lucas realized just how fucked their relationship truly was.

_**ooo**_

**An Hour Later. **

Riley woke to her phone ringing.

She stared at it for a few seconds, trying to process why Lucas was calling her a three in the morning. She reached for her phone and answered the call. Riley noticed something was off as soon as he started speaking. She knew something terrible had happened.

She was in his truck not too long after. When he called her it was to tell her he was outside and that he needed to talk to her. He didn't tell her why he just told her to meet him in a few minutes.

And here she was, inside his truck, staring at his red eyes, wondering what happened.

"My dad kicked me out," he said to her. He could barely look at her because he didn't want her to see him like this, but she was the only person he could turn to at times like this.

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't want to talk about it," his voice faltered and Riley knew he wanted to cry. "Can you just...can you just hold me, please?"

It took over half an hour to calm Lucas down. Enough for him to be in a place where he wasn't crying every other second. She felt the instant need to protect him and hold him for as long as time allowed them to. She respected his wishes about not wanting to talk about it so she didn't ask him any questions. Instead, she just sat there with him. Embracing him, hoping it was enough to aid whatever he was feeling.

"You should head back to your room," he said after he pulled away. He seemed better, but he still wasn't okay. "I don't want to keep you up all night."

"What are you talking about? I can't just leave you out here. Where are you gonna go?"

"Riley, I'll be fine. I'll park my car somewhere no one can see and I'll call you in the morning."

"Lucas, I'm not letting you drive. The car smells like weed and your eyes are red. And I don't think it's the tears that are making them puffy either."

He stayed quiet. A part of him felt exposed now that Riley knew his secret, he didn't want her to know and know she did. He hadn't realized that the smell of the weed he had smoked earlier was still lingering.

"Come," she said. "You're spending the night with me."

"Riley - " he tried to interject, but she didn't let him.

"Lucas, let's go. You either stay in my room or we stay in your truck. Which one is it gonna be?"

He stared at her for a second and he could tell this was going to be one of those arguments where she would get whatever she wanted. "Okay."

When they made it to her room, Lucas groaned when he crawled in through her bay window. He held his stomach and Riley took notice of it. She stared at him, skeptically and lifted his shirt. After seeing a bruise forming on his rib cage, she turned to look up at him.

"We sort of went at it..."

"You guys fought?" she asked, shocked.

He nodded.

"...and what'd he do? Kick you?" She began to tear up, "Lucas - "

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Can you at least tell me something? I-I hate that you're not talking to me about this. This isn't - "

He looked away for a second, "I came home late, okay? And he wasn't having it and I wasn't either...so we fought. That's it, Riley, I just really don't want to talk about it."

She nodded understandingly and let go of his shirt, pecking his lips, "I just wish there was something I could do."

"You can't," the crack in his voice instantly broke her heart, "You can't fix this. It's just who he is."

"But there has to be another way," she pleaded. "He's your dad. You're supposed to love each other..."

He held her hands, "It just can't be fixed, okay? It's one of those things. I'm sorry. I've tried and it backfired."

She hugged him, not knowing if she did it to comfort him or for her own benefit. The news shattered her heart to pieces knowing how strained Lucas was from his dad.

"Let's just sleep," he insisted. "It's been a long day."

"Okay."

"Can I use your bathroom, please?"

"Yeah. Just...through there," she pointed.

A few minutes later, Riley felt the bed dip and Lucas get in next to her. She stayed in her position as she felt him slide his arm across her waist and pull her closer, then to her chin; turning her head to look at him. As soon as their eyes met, Lucas leaned in and closed the space between them, in a deep and passionate kiss.

She led him to her bed and they snuggled themselves in the covers. "I love you, Lucas."

"I love you too."

**_ooo_**

When morning came, Riley felt a buzz from under her pillow. She brought her phone out from underneath her and checked the time, letting out a small groan as she stretched her limbs and felt the chilly morning breeze on her toes.

She turned on her side to see the teen laying next to her. His face was inches from hers as she admired the way he looked. Pieces of his sandy blonde hair had fallen in front of his face and she couldn't help, but slowly move them aside. There was so much that she loved about that she couldn't help, but admire. She loved being there for him and taking care of him. In a way, she felt glad she was there for him during times like this. She was sure he had been through many challenges in the past that he'd keep to himself and not tell anybody.

She knew this habit of his was finally changing because he trusted her enough to tell her his problems and she never wanted to ignore him at a time like that.

She continued to stare at him and think about what his day might've been like. She didn't know much because he hadn't told her about it, but she did know that he came home late which could've prompted their argument.

But then she started thinking about it and realized she was confused. She had spoken to Lucas on the phone earlier when he was working on his missing assignments, and he spoke about his parents which insinuated he was home. So if he ended the call for that reason, why did he get into that argument with his dad?

Why did he come late if he told her he was already home?

Did he lie about where he was when they spoke on the phone?

The more she thought about it, the more she realized he had lied to her. He mustn't have been home, he was borderline grounded and his parents weren't going to let him leave his house that late in the night.

Which means he snuck out and he was somewhere he shouldn't have been. And given his history, Riley knew Lucas was up to no good. Especially if he'd been keeping it a secret from her.

"Good morning, babe," he said when he woke up, his plump pink lips curled upwards as he smiled lightly. He woke to a good start. "I would love to get used to this," he planted a kiss on her forehead.

She didn't say anything to him. She just stared at him disappointedly. She was used to him being untruthful at this point. "Where the fuck were you last night?"

_**ooo**_

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading. Next chapter will pick up a year later so I'm excited for you guys to see where the gang will pick up. Let me know what you think in the reviews. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	14. 13: Dos and Dont's

**A/N: Hi guys! This chapter is a bit different than the rest. I know that we're used to jumping right onto the storyline, but this time you guys will be reading a series of flashbacks that will fill you in on what has happened in the one year jump. Essentially this is kind of like a filler. **

**Originally this was part of one chapter, but the chapter ended up being 15k words and I was not about to upload that long of a chapter. Especially when there are things that happen in this chapter that I wanted you guys to focus on and for so much to happen in a 15k chapter I'm sure you guys would've missed a few things; so I split it in half. **

**Katy Kear: You're so welcome! And thank you for being so patient as well. **

**Guest: Josh and Maya's relationship serve a bigger purpose in the series that I'm not gonna reveal yet (even though I think I already mentioned it.) They are completely different from Riley and Lucas so for them to be growing through all these obstacles highlights something important. It was built into the plot for a reason. Sorry you're patience is wearing thin but this was what I wanted. **

**Guest: Sounds like you're catching onto the disappointment in toxic relationships. **

**selenita: Yaasss girl! I love when readers know what's going on. Yes! That's exactly it. It makes me so happy. luv you too. **

**h: I agree. Nobody would want them together lmao and I wanted my readers to know Rucas was toxic, but still want them together in a weird and twisted way****.**

**Josie: Thank you. And I agree, nobody likes physical abuse it's literally terrible. And about Lucas focusing on himself during the time jump...well...about that...you see I like to make things difficult for my readers - lmao. Rucas will be interesting this time around. This chapter will give you a CLEAR vision on where their relationship is heading. And the thing about Lucas coming home late will be answered in the upcoming weeks. Thank you for reading!**

**Hey: Riley is taking Lucas back because she loves him, that's basically it. She's not digging through it because she loves him. I don't know how to word it but love, especially in a toxic relationship, makes you blind and naive. She doesn't investigate it because she doesn't want to know if it's real or not, but maybe deep down she knows it'll break her heart. And I'm so glad that so many of my readers have had successful long distance relationships. It's cute. **

**Mia: At least these circumstances happen and are authentic. **

**Guest: Hun, Katy wrote what I told her to. This was my idea and she was generous enough to to help me out. **

**Guest: The funny thing is that I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about publishing my old stories in different places, but those versions would be revamped because my writing back then was terrible and cringy. Also very short. But yeah, I have a Wattpad account that I don't even use. I think once I'm done with LYTLM I'll move there. Anyways, guys if you have a Wattpad account follow me. Message me, chat with me I'm desparate for online friends. My username is _inherelement. I'll respond promise. _**

**GuestEstelle: LOVE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSIS ON LUCAS! You were spot on. But you were wrong about Josh, he didn't run and they aren't breaking up. He's doing what he loves while loving Maya, even if they are miles upon miles apart. And girl, I get that this isn't what you wanted, but chill. Everything will come full circle. lmao. **

**Thank you guys once again for the patience and I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 13**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**ooo**_

**August 2020**

"All right, Farkle, just listen to me," Josh called out impatiently, consulting Farkle through their FaceTime call. He couldn't physically be there for his friend, but thanks to modern technology, he was present virtually. "Take a deep breath, you're hyperventilating..."

Farkle did as told. He breathed in and out and took a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Start from the beginning..."

_Three days before..._

_Farkle Minkus and Zay Babineaux examined the crowd of girls on the cheerleading team. They watched as they rehearsed in the school's quad and went over their dance routines for Friday's football game, while others applauded and cheered them on for their performance, the two guys examined every single one of them. _

_"What about Cheyenne?" Zay asked, turning to his friend, "She's the dumbest one on the team, but she's pretty?" _

_Farkle shook his head no, "She thinks I'm weird, she'd never go out with me." _

_Zay's gaze returned to the group of cheerleaders, it didn't help that they were constantly arranging themselves in different positions because he'd occasionally lose track of them. "Melanie...? What about Melanie, she's super nice and she's taking AP Spanish?" _

_"She's also supper pregnant," Farkle countered. _

_The dark-skinned teen chuckled, "I know, I just threw that in as a joke. What if we're looking at the wrong group of girls? I'm sure some nerdy girl would want to date you." _

_He shook his head no, "Isadora's friends with them and I don't want to date a girl that's close to her."_

_Zay scratched the back of his neck, "Are you sure this is what you want? To get back into a relationship so soon? I mean aren't you still a little heartbroken over her?"_

_"That happened months ago," Farkle informed, "And she made it clear that she doesn't like me so I'm trying to get back out there, you know? It's my senior year I really don't want to spend all this time dwelling on our past and trying to fix it. I'm ready to move on and doing that means I need to ask a girl out that doesn't know Isadora. Which sucks cause every other girl is out of my league." _

_Zay patted his friends back for comfort, "But cheerleaders man...? You've overdone it."_

_"You really think so?" he knew his lack of muscles and scrawny body didn't help his appearance, and because every body knew him as extrmely smart and nerdy, girl's weren't exactly attracted to him. And this didn't help when he was trying to get back into a relationship with a different girl. _

_"Look, as your best friend, I suggest we hit up the chess club. That way you're looking for girls in a place where people are more like you." _

_"Zay?" he called out. _

_"Yeah, man?" _

_"Isadora's president of the chess club." _

_"Oh shit, what about Robotics?" he suggested, fully turning to see his friend. "You love building robots and I'm confident we'll get you a girl that you can build little robot babies with." _

_He cringed, "That's weird. And no can do sir, Isadora's the only girl in robotics club." _

_He continued to think. What were clubs Farkle associated with? "Mathletes?" he called out, jumping at the idea. "C'mon, get up, we'll go check them out, there's like at least thirty girls in that club - " _

_"And they're all loyal to Isadora. Trust me, I already tried, they gave me the cold shoulder." _

_He groaned at his failed attempt, "Damn, Farkle. This a lot harder than I thought."_

_"I know," he confessed, tiredly. "I know." _

_The bell rang, signaling their return to class. He watched as the hoard of students started collecting their things and heading to class, he decided to do the same. "Listen man, I can't show up late to Gov., but we'll pick this up tomorrow, alright? I'll keep an eye out. Late bro." _

_When Zay was gone, Farkle did the same. He walked towards his class and as if on cue, he felt himself collide straight into the body of another student. She wore a red floral dress with glasses and she stared intently at the piece of paper on her hands. "I'm so sorry. I didn't see you, that was my fault." _

_"It's okay," he smiled, there was something about the way she spoke and her apologetic voice that drew him in. He was also attracted to her physical appearance and charming grin. He suddently forgot what he was going to say as he found himself looking deep into her brown eyes. "You don't need to apologize, I'll take partial responsibility." _

_"That's sweet of you. I'm just lost," she said, "I'm new here and this school is way bigger than my previous school. I just need help finding my classes." _

_She looked up and Farkle was dumbfounded by her, she was gorgeous. Her dark ombre hair was bouncing in curls and she had the best smile he'd ever seen. "I-is that your schedule?" he stammered. _

_"Yeah," she handed it to him, "Can you help me out? I really don't want to be late." _

_He looked at her classes and smiled, "It's your lucky day, your class is in the same building as mine. Come on, I'll take you."_

_"Great, thanks so much," she expressed with great enthusiasm. She walked beside him and Farkle knew this was his moment to make a lasting impression. _

_"So what school did you transfer from?" _

_"Sadratelle High," she answered, her voice sounding pure and genuine. _

_"Sadratelle?" he asked. "Where's that from?" _

_"It's from a small town in California. It's really small you wouldn't know about it. It's a school of about 500 students." _

_"Oh, wow, so this is a bit frightening for you, isn't it?" Farkle spoke, "I mean every school in New York is big, I can't imagine how different this is for you." _

_"Extremely," she smiled, "But, I'm getting used to it. Plus, I didn't have a lot of friends in my other school so in a lot of ways this is a new beginning for me." _

_He nodded, "Well, if you ever need good friends to spend time with just let me know."_

_She turned to him, "Can I let you know now or is that too soon?" _

_He chuckled. He liked that she was funny, "No, now's fine. Now works. If you really want to meet them, I can find you at lunch. I'll just swing by to your next period and take you to them? If that's okay with you." _

_She smiled from ear to ear, "You have no idea how much you're helping me right now. I mean you're walking me to my next class, already offering me friends, and you don't even know my name."_

_"You're completely right, what's your name?" he asked, stopping at an intersection. _

_"It's Cara," she revealed. "And your name?" _

_"Farkle." _

_"Well, thank you for walking me to my class, Farkle. And I'm expecting to see you next period, so don't leave me hanging, got it? You promised me friends."_

_"Trust me, I won't let you down."_

_When lunch came around and Farkle introduced Cara to Riley, Isadora, Maya and Zay, they were surprised to see her at first, but then were stoked that he was introducing the newest addition to the group. They welcomed her with open arms like he knew they would and made her feel comfortable. While they were getting to know each other, he winked__ at Zay so the dark skinned teen could realize what he was up to. _

_The reality of it was, Farkle was already planning on asking her out. He met her and within three minutes of knowing her, he already knew he liked her and that she was sweet. Plus, she didn't know him that well which would give them plenty of time to get to know each other on their first date._

_The following day entailed of getting to know her a little better and making himself seem charming and cute. He flirted like he never had before and it seemed to be working, Cara liked spending time with him and seemed to be closer to him than the other's which he took as a good sign. _

_By Wednesday afternoon when he was walking her home, Farkle decided to do the big ask. He was finally going to do it. He took all of Zay's and Josh's avice and was finally going to put it to use. _

_"This is me," she informed as they stopped in front of a modern syle home. "Thanks again for the walk, you really know how to keep a girl company." _

_"You're welcome." __She smiled in his direction and they stood there for a few seconds, he was trying to muster up the courage to ask her out, but he needed time. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow?" _

_He nodded. _

_Physically, he seemed calm and patient, but mentally and emotionally he felt like he was walking on thin ice and time was running out. "Wait," he called out to her. She stopped in her tracks and turned around, expectantly, "Do you want-uh-do you maybe want to -um-" _

"What'd she say?" Josh asked, curiously on the edge of his seat. He spent the past fifteen minutes waiting for Farkle to get to the point and he was just as nervous as he was. "C'mon tell me."

"She said yes!" Farkle cheered. "I got a date with her Friday night! And she was so decisive, you should've seen it she told me where she wanted to go and everything. That was so different from Isadora and I can already tell we're off to a good start."

"That's good, bro! See, all you needed was to keep trying. It took like twenty tries, but you finally got a date. Tell me all about it on Saturday, all right? I gotta go, Maya's calling, but I mean it. Call me."

"Okay, I will."

**_ooo_**

Isadora's life changed the second her dad walked in on her making out with Farkle. It took a long time for her parents to regain their trust in her and as a result, she had to give up a lot of her freedom.

Her parents expected her to come home every day, if she was a minute late, she was grounded for another week. No but's, no if's, they weren't going to hear any of it. She had to do her homework, her chores, her hourly prayers, and not complain about any of it.

It took a long time for her to accept it, she hated every second of it and wanted to argue so many times, but she refused to let herself do it. She thought about the consequences of her actions and how talking back to her parents would only make matters worse. So she convinced herself to think positively. She made every second she spent in high school count and she focused on things that truly made her happy: her friends and her school work.

Unfortunately, all that focus shifted things for her. Spending so much time on academics and her friends resulted in Isadora falling out of love with Farkle Minkus. She no longer felt the need to hold on to hope that one day they could get back together, their time had passed, that ship had sailed, and she learned to accept it. She still liked him and had feelings for him, but those feelings did not compare to the love she had for him before.

She was sad at first and cried about it, she didn't have the heart to tell Riley and Maya and she would never talk to her parents about it, so she dealt with it on her own. And she healed on her own, which had singlehandedly been one of the greatest things she's ever done.

She was okay with the idea of them being friends and found comfort in it. She was glad that he was still in her life, even though they would essentially lose touch outside of high school.

Isadora grew to value the time she got to spend with her friends. Riley and Maya had always been there for her since sophomore year and she felt drawn to them, she knew that they would catch her if she fell and that made her feel safe and comfortable.

She just wished that she got to spend a little more time with Riley who she had barely seen. Riley was always spending time with Lucas and was always with him every hour of the day, in a way they started to become distant and Isadora hoped it wasn't permanent.

She always wanted to know why Riley became guarded and distant with them. She just hoped it was nothing serious.

**_ooo_**

**Late July 2020**

Maya dropped Josh off at the airport on a warm Saturday morning, the airport filled with people flying out to celebrate their summer breaks. They had practiced their goodbye thousands of times and Maya had already formulated what she was going to tell him, but her heart wouldn't stop racing that she forgot what she had planned to say.

But whenever she looked over to see his glistening eyes, she almost wanted to turn the car around and go home.

And now, standing in the middle of the airport, just by the security check-in, Maya still wanted to go home. She wanted to take him with her and keep him forever in her pocket, but that wasn't the case. They would only be apart for a few months at the most and they already knew when they were going to see each other again, but they hadn't spent that much time apart since they began dating. And it felt strange to them.

Maya wrapped her arms tightly around Josh's waist, and he wrapped his around her upper back, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you," Maya muttered into his chest. "Never forget that."

"I don't think I could. I love you too," Josh responded, ignoring the knot in his throat and the watering of his eyes. "I'll call you when I get there, alright?" Josh stated as he rested his forehead against hers. "I love you so much."

"I love you more," Maya replied, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, and his lips until he began laughing. "Every night, okay?" she said referring to their promise.

"Every night," he nodded and slowly, they pulled apart. He kissed her lips one last time as he swiped away more of her tears, and then he was gone.

He disappeared into the crowd of other people and Maya stood there for a few minutes. She needed to process everything and take time to realize he was gone. She looked down at her hands, he had slipped a note in when he kissed her and she smiled at it.

The letter read:

_Maya Hart. There's nothing and no one on this Earth that I love more than you. I might be hundreds of miles away, but I'll be here for you whenever you need me to be. I could never stop loving you. _

_\- Josh_

**_ooo_**

Maya had to admit, she was heartbroken when Josh left for college. The day he left, she kept it all together so that he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving her. She faked a smile and told him she loved him, but watching him walk away nearly fractured her heart into dozens of pieces. Yet, she stood there watching him until his figure disappeared into the crowd of people in the airport.

The first three days without him felt eternal and all she wanted to do was touch him and be near him, she had severe separation anxiety and every day she spent without him slowly ate her alive.

She missed everything physical about him. No matter what she did, her heart hurt because he already missed her love. The longest time they had ever been apart since they first started dating was when Josh left for a week to go camping, and even then they had talked and texted every night when he was supposed to be sleeping.

She pretended she was okay during the day and cried during the night, but in the end, the thought of Josh doing something he loved and being happy because of it cured her. She loved that he was loving college and it made her feel better than ever before.

And they never broke their promise.

Their first Facetime was awkward. They talked for a short time during his first night in college, their usual banter slightly strained from the pressure of the months they would be apart. Neither of them spoke aloud the worries that plagued them, and for that, Maya was thankful. She didn't want to ruin her time with Josh by asking him what would happen to them if his classes got harder and he needed an extended period of time to study?

But she already knew his answer, they would make it work.

Their routine continued nearly every day and they filled each other on what they were up to. The more they did it and the more they got used to it, their calls became casual conversations.

Josh had the biggest smile on his face when he was talking about his journalism classes, he spoke about his life at college and his new friends and could talk about it for hours. In fact, he did. Many, many times.

Maya didn't mind it though. She never interrupted him, she always listened even though she was tired. The sound of his voice was enough to comfort and reassure her.

He reminded her that even when she felt their relationship was slipping in between their virtual foundation, his love for her had no expiration date.

Neither did hers.

She remembered the first day she told him that she had made up her mind and decided to pursue a career in art, he was happy for her and cheered for her. He was always her biggest cheerleader and aside from Riley and Katy, he was Maya's biggest support system.

He said he was proud of her and that he loved her and in that moment Maya knew that their love was capable of withstanding anything. Separation could physically tear them apart, but emotionally, they were interconnected and closer than ever before.

"I have something to show you," Maya revealed, excitedly.

"What is it?" Josh asked from the other side of her computer screen. He was in his dorm room in the middle of a study break.

"It's a surprise. Close your eyes."

When his eyes closed, Maya rolled out of bed. "You can open them in 3...2...1...now."

"Wow," Josh cooed as he took the very image before him. It'd been a while since he'd seen one of Maya paintings before. "Is this one new?"

Maya nodded. "I felt inspired recently."

She turned to look at the very image she painted a few nights ago when she couldn't sleep. She was in the middle of an insomniac state, she was tired, but her creativity was running high. She decided to sit down and paint the first thing that came to mind.

She painted herself sleeping. In her little dream bubble, there was a silhouette of a couple Josh assumed was them.

"Is that supposed to be us," he asked.

Maya nodded in confirmation with the biggest smile on her lips, "Do you like it?"

"I love it," he revealed.

They continued to talk about her interest in art again and talked about it for a solid twenty minutes. Maya kept her first ever painting as a little girl framed in her room and occasionally tried to make sense out of the scribbles she drew as a joke, but she always knew she wanted to make something out of that painting. She just didn't know what to do.

As their conversation continued, their topic of art shifted to Riley. Josh wanted to know what she was up to and how she was doing since they haven't had the chance to talk in a few weeks.

"She's doing fine, last I checked."

Josh tilted his head, noticing that Maya didn't look nearly as enthused talking about her best friend, "What do you mean last time you checked."

"It's just...it's been a while since we've really hung out. She's been spending a lot of time with Lucas lately and that doesn't leave much time for her to do anything with Isadora and me."

"You guys are still friends though? Right? There's no bad blood or anything?" he asked cautiously. He knew Maya's friendship with the brunette was just as important as their relationship. If they were to not be that anymore Maya would treat it as a breakup.

"We're still friends. Everything's good it's just that we don't really hang out anymore."

"Just set up a girl's night," Josh suggested. "She loves those, she would always tell me how much fun you guys had."

Maya thought about it, she could do that, but there was something else in the picture that she needed to tell him. She just didn't know how and she didn't know if he'd react or not. "There's something else."

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's just a suspicion and I could be one-hundred percent wrong, but if I'm honest. I don't think I am."

"Okay, do you want to tell me what it is?"

She thought about the way she would formulate her hypothesis. As the brunette's best friend it was her job to express concern if there was ever a reason to feel it, but their lack of hanging out has recently made things awkward between them and she didn't know how to confront her about it.

It would only complicate things.

Or worse, ruin things.

"I think Lucas and Riley are arguing. We don't spend hang out much, but whenever we do, Riley refuses to talk about him. It's like she hates whenever his name is brought up in a conversation or something. And when they're together, he always seems to be following her and she doesn't acknowledge him. It's like she's trying to get away from him and he's just trying to keep up with her. And get this, she shifted in her seat because the most interesting part about her theory was coming up, "They were walking in the hallways this one time and Lucas leaned in to kiss her and she dodged it, why would she dodge her boyfriends kiss...?"

The question floated in the air for a few seconds and Josh began to think. "I honestly don't know..."

"Oh my...," she sighed expressively. "Josh, I love you, but you're slow. She's obviously pissed at him. I just don't know what he did to piss her off."

"Why do you assume he did something wrong?" the brown-eyed college student questioned, "Haven't you considered the possibility that Lucas did nothing and Riley's just tripping out over nothing?"

Maya looked at him skeptically, "You really think my innocent, quirky, Riley would have done something wrong in a relationship? Something must've happened in order for Riley to do that. There's no way she'd do something like that without a motive."

"Don't go around investigating," he suggested, "There are some things you just shouldn't meddle in, babe, this is one of them."

Maya had already made up her mind. She was going to find out what was wrong between Riley and Lucas, she just wasn't going to let Josh know because he'd talk her out of it. So she lied to him. "Okay, you're right, I'll stay out of it."

"Thank you. Now, guess what? I have good news."

"Really? What is it?"

"I'm coming to visit," he revealed with the biggest smile and watched as the blonde began to cheer in excitement.

"When are you getting here?!"

"December. And I'll be there for a little over a month so we'll have plenty of time to catch up and do whatever we want."

Maya squealed, "I can't wait to see you. Oh my Gosh, there's so much I need to show you. I have a ton of more pieces I've been working on, I'll get them done before you arrive so you can see them completed. This is so great, Josh. I honestly can't wait."

He wished he had the opportunity to enjoy her excitement a while longer, but if he wanted to sleep in time for tomorrow he needed to finish studying. "Listen I gotta go, I need to wake up early tomorrow, but can we still talk tomorrow at ten?"

"Yeah. Same time. I'll see you, babe."

"Bye, Josh. I love you."

"Love you too."

_**ooo**_

**A Month Later...**

Riley browsed through the assortment of makeup on her vanity. The mess before her was always a pain to clean and she always hated it, but now she didn't mind it.

It was now another thing in her life she felt overwhelmed to fix.

The longer she stared at it the more at peace she felt with it. Her thoughts raced miles per minute as she selected a light pink lipstick to compliment her makeup. Her rose gold eyeshadow eyes looked to see her longing reflection. She wore a red lace floral dress with caramel suede boots and a high ponytail for the day ahead.

On the outside, she seemed calm and in control, but mentally and emotionally there were too many thoughts in her head and feelings to feel. She spent many hours of the day thinking and feeling emotions she didn't want to feel and all that time spent, she found no resolution in them.

A part of her didn't let herself either.

She knew it was wrong to avoid her troubles by agreeing to do things she knew she wouldn't be able to handle. But the more on her plate, the more she kept herself from feeling the need to cry and curl up on her bed.

In the past, she would've gone to Lucas - even if her problems were a result of their arguing. He would've listened intently and contemptuously, but by the end of the day, she would have confidence, clarity, and peace of mind.

But she couldn't do that anymore. There had been a tragic shift in their relationship and she wasn't sure they would ever find their way back.

At this point and time, they had strayed away from working out their problems in a somewhat organized conversation. They couldn't rely on each other for solace or kindness anymore, instead, they were ticking time bombs for one another; ready to explode the second the other said something they didn't like.

All the arguing, screaming and hurting each other's feelings was ruining her mental health. It'd overwhelmed her extremely and she didn't have the energy for a lot of things. She thought about talking to him and working their feelings out, but she already knew how that would end up. Any attempts to do just that typically resulted in the silent treatment, and that could last days.

She wanted to believe there was a possibility they would be happy again, but all the things that were said and done pushed her further away from it.

_Riley had seen his violent temper._

She knew what he was capable of when he was angry, but despite it all, Lucas _was_ a good guy at heart. He was genuine and he held good intentions even though his impulses often got the best of him at times.

He was kind, sensitive and soft-spoken. He had a tender side only Riley had seen and because of that, she tried to justify everything he had done. She knew he was possessive, but that was because he was insecure. He was scared to lose her and she knew that must not be easy for him to live with; constantly thinking that the girl he was dating would leave him for someone better.

He resented the times she spent with other people, like her friends, especially guys he didn't know.

But that was because he cared.

_Right?_

It had to be.

She didn't like his bursts of anger or the way he started to curse and carry on at the tiniest frustration. If he felt threatened, he'd act tough and hard-headed which Riley was certain only made things worse.

So to avoid the threatening possibility of another argument, Riley did whatever she could to avoid it.

She took the time to learn Lucas' pet peeves. He had unintentionally and unknowingly set strict rules that Riley had picked up on, especially since he had always left things for her to figure out on her own.

So whenever he'd get upset, Riley kept a mental checkbook. It went into the list of:

**_The Do's and Dont's of Dating Lucas Friar:_**

Don't take selfies in front of him; he'll think you're self-absorbed and that you're trying to get the attention of other guys.

Do spend time with him.

Don't be on your phone for too long; he'll start to feel like you aren't interested in him or that there's someone else.

Don't talk to any guys he doesn't know; he doesn't like it. It's the quickest way to get him to go through your phone.

Let him make all the decisions; everything he says goes.

Hold his hand.

Agree with him on _everything_.

Wear his clothes; especially his hoodies.

Don't wear clothes that are too revealing; if you show too much skin he'll freak out and slut-shame you.

_[Riley found out there was an exception to this rule. If the clothes showed just enough skin and looked pretty on her body he'd be all over her and happy.]_

Lucas needed to be good at everything in their relationship; if there was something she was better at he'd often get upset.

Don't make any mistakes around him; he'll constantly bring them up and criticize you for them.

Don't question him, even when you think he's lying. He'll make you cry by the end of the argument.

He loves being the center of attention; let people think he walks on water and is the best guy in the world. He'll love you for it.

DON'T call him out on his behavior; he'll make it clear it's the quickest way to lose him.

Do apologize and forgive his mistakes; otherwise, he'll lose interest in you.

Always know what he wants, even before he tells you. He won't communicate his needs with you so if he gets pissed because you failed to do something he wanted then he'll blame you.

And lastly,

Don't talk about his dad; Lucas hates his dad and hates talking about him. He'll shut down and eventually shut you out too.

So taking this guidebook to hand, Riley didn't do the things that pissed him off...she did them behind his back.

At times Riley would let her pride get the best of her and she'd start an argument with him. He was very restrictive and possessive of her and she didn't like it. This led to their nastiest of arguments:

"So many girls want your spot, Riley, just remember that. I can have any bitch at this school!" Lucas yelled at her. "You know you're replaceable."

"Then replace me," she yelled challengingly.

Anything could trigger an argument. Lucas was unpredictable and difficult to deal with and Riley didn't always know how to handle it maturely. She wasn't patient and she'd be more likely to argue with him if he said things like:

"Well, would you rather go out with your friends or stay with me?"

"You seemed to enjoy talking to him."

"It just sounds like you have a little crush on him, that's all."

"Your friend looked kinda cute today."

Anything Lucas said when he was around his friends disgusted her, which is why she disliked them. She tried to avoid them as much as she could, but he always dragged her to their parties. Riley knew how they were and so did Lucas, so he'd become the biggest jerk to fit in with them. And it was difficult for her to believe that the Lucas she fell in love with, could bring himself to do and say such hateful things.

By the time they would leave those parties, Riley would hear enough out of Lucas to last her a day. She was tired of him and wanted to spend as much time away from him as possible, but he always wanted to be near her.

Riley would reject him in an understanding manner and tell him she needed to go home, but Lucas never handled this maturely. Especially when he was intoxicated.

Sometimes their arguments would last for hours because of it.

"It's just so stupid," she yelled back, "You try to control me and tell me to do things that shouldn't matter to you all the time. I let you go through my phone whenever you want to because you can't trust me, and you go ahead and pull some shit like this?" she said pointing at his phone.

Lucas didn't say anything which only upset her more.

"Let me just get one thing straight," the silence that followed was vital for her. She was trying to wrap her around this argument, "You change your screensaver - which used to be a photo of us kissing - to a photo of your ex...who you went to prom with...two years ago?"

"It's just a photo, it doesn't mean anything," he informed dismissively.

"Then why can't you delete it?" she questioned. When he didn't answer, Riley felt herself shrug. She hated that at this point in their argument, had the tables been reversed, Riley would've caved. She would've deleted the picture to avoid arguing, but he hadn't done that. "You're genuinely annoying the fuck out me right now."

"It's a picture I took with my friends, she just happens to be in it."

"...kissing your cheek," Riley clarified.

He turned to look at her. Even though he had a stern expression, Riley could see a mischievous grin hidden underneath it. Almost like he was mocking her for not being able to change his mind. "I don't even understand why you're trippin' out, it's not like I'm texting other girls while dating you. Unlike you when you had...hang on let me count...Michael, Darren, Jacob, Kyle, Rob, and Zay fucking Babineaux - my best friend - spamming your dm's."

Riley scoffed. He was doing it again, he was bringing up and old argument to replace their current argument. "I didn't respond to any of those dm's. And Zay and I had a normal conversation, you would know that though, you basically begged me to let you read the texts."

He clicked his tongue, "I wouldn't say beg..."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked, sarcastically, "I could've sworn you almost started crying because I wouldn't let you."

He chuckled, trying to conceal his anger. He hated that she brought it up, especially when Riley knew the reason. Riley basically let him believe she had been cheating on him, he believed her and he started crying and then she started laughing at him.

He wanted to yell at her for doing that, but he wanted to keep his composure. "Sometimes you're too much for me, Riley..."

There were also times where Lucas would keep a strict watch on Riley's social media activity. Since he went through her phone a lot and had her location turned on, Lucas knew almost everything she was doing. He kept eyes on her and because of it, their likelihood of arguing increased.

"Why act crazy over a man when you could just get another one," Lucas read aloud from his phone and looked up at the brunette. She was sitting beside him on the passenger's seat of his truck on a Wednesday afternoon and she hadn't said anything to him, "You liked this pic on Instagram."

"There's nothing to it," Riley responded, nonchalantly. "It was funny."

"Funny?" He questioned, not believing a single word she had said. "That's bullshit. I know why you liked it. You were still upset with me about yesterday."

"Yeah, okay, fine. Whatever. Doesn't matter anyway, you're gonna stick to what you think happened. It's not like you'd ever believe me."

He scoffed, "Right."

At times Lucas would take the mature route, which was rare. He'd understand that their arguments weren't going anywhere and that he was only upsetting her so he'd leave, this was mainly because she'd hit a soft spot and he wanted to cry. The consequence of this was that they'd never resolve their issues, instead, they would just ignore it.

"You know what Riley?" He said, standing and collecting his things. "You're upset a-and you're saying some hurtful things right now so I'm gonna leave. We're not going anywhere talking back and forth with so I'm gonna bounce, okay? Till you're chill and it's safe to call you again."

They argued almost every time they saw each other. If it wasn't big and brutal, it was minor and pointless. To avoid this, Riley would avoid _him_. She'd walk to class in a different route than normal, Lucas had learned her schedule and she learned his so she knew exactly where to go so she wouldn't run into him.

But she wasn't always lucky.

Especially when she was walking home from school. His car would honk and Riley would know it was him, she just didn't want to be near him because he'd insist on spending time with her and she didn't want to see him; because the more time she spent with him, the more likely they would argue.

And the more they would argue, the more Riley felt like their relationship wasn't going to work out.

And the more she felt they wouldn't work out, the more down and depressed she would feel.

"Babe, get in," Lucas insisted whenever he'd find her walking home.

She watched as he slowed down beside her, "I think I'm gonna walk. I kind of feel like walking."

"Walking?" he asked, "It's like a fifteen-minute walk. You'll be home in no time if I give you a ride."

"Yeah, I'm just gonna walk it. You know, get my steps in? Gotta get...healthy. I don't know."

"Healthy?" That was so unlike her. "I have food," he playfully informed as he brought out the bag to show her.

_Oh my God,_ she thought, second-guessing her decision. _Of course, he would._ He's was always thoughtful and romantic when she didn't want him to be. "No, Lucas. I'm fine really."

"Hop in, I'll take you home."

"Actually I can't because..." she looked around her, "I'm walking with my friend... Stacy." She extended her arm and pulled a random girl close to her, "Hey, girl, hey."

"Riley, you don't know her," Lucas chimed. He turned to see if there were any cars he was blocking, there weren't any.

"You don't know that," she responded. "Stacy and I go way back. Since we were...fetuses."

He stared at her for a second and nodded. Taking the hint, he set the bag down and sighed. "Okay, well, you'll call me?"

She nodded, "Yeah. I'll call you."

Nodding once again, Lucas sped off.

She wished the extent of their arguments wasn't as bad as it was. She wished there were times she could see him and not worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, but if she was going to continue loving him, which she did, she would need to put up with it.

Even if it meant that they'd constantly make each other cry.

She stood up from her vanity and ran her hands down her dress. She took a long and deep breath, staring at herself in the mirror wondering what tonight would entail. She felt as though she was setting herself up for disaster every time, but no matter how many times she cried and how overwhelmed she felt, she loved Lucas. She loved him deeply.

And could never be away from him.

Her phone chimed and she turned to her screen. The message read:

**Lucas:** I'm outside.

**Riley:** k, i'll be out in a sec.

_**ooo**_

Riley felt like Jacob's party would be an escape. She needed a day to feel free from all the tension in her relationship with Lucas, especially since they'd recently been at an all-time low. She desperately needed to feel free and have fun and she couldn't do that sober.

So if she was planning on getting drunk, she would need to start drinking before Lucas got the chance. Which is why she was already buzzed by the time he picked her up.

He wasn't happy to see her stumble on her way down the stairs, but she didn't care. The liquid courage was doing its job and she told him that for once he was going to be the sober one and she was going to be the one having all the fun. She was surprised to see he wasn't mad, he didn't even argue against it if anything he was okay with it.

When they got to the party Riley headed straight for the alcohol. It was clear to people she was drunk, but she didn't care. She was having fun dancing with Lucas and dancing with her other friends.

Lucas, on the other hand, couldn't understand what was going on with her. It was like he had suddenly changed.

He tried to stop her when he noticed that she was getting a little too drunk, but she wouldn't listen. She didn't care. He kept asking her to stop, but whenever he did, she just went and got a new drink; trying to upset him on purpose.

Every time he'd tell her to chill, Riley would laugh at him as the tequila shot buzzed through her system.

Eventually, she told him why she was getting drunk, but she didn't tell him the entire truth. She told him she wanted to have fun, which he could understand, but she didn't tell him the reason she was trying to have fun was because their relationship was sucking the life out of her.

If she allowed herself to think and spend the night sober, she would only feel consumed by her emotions. And she didn't want that.

Riley's sight began to blur, the sharp lights of the party beginning to fade from the alcohol she had consumed. But she didn't care. Not when Lucas was taking care of her and watching her every move.

By the time midnight came, Lucas decided it was time for them to go home. He looked for Riley throughout the house because she had ditched him and when he found her, he told her it was time to go.

On any other given day, she would've obliged, but she was drunk and she didn't care about his decision. If anything it only upset her that he had singlehandedly declared himself as the decision-maker in their relationship and got to call the shots.

When he reached for her hand, she pulled it away from him and told him she wasn't leaving. He kept suggesting it was time to go and Riley wasn't having it.

She walked away from him, leaning against the hallway walls for support. If he wasn't quick enough to catch her when she tripped over her own leg, she would've fallen on her stomach.

With Riley now safe in his arms, Lucas decided he needed to get her home. He knew that he couldn't continue to let her drink her apparent sorrows away. He was starting to figure that the drinking had something to do with him, especially since she had been treating him terribly all day.

"C'mon, we're leaving," he told her.

"Let me go," she complained. "I'm fine, I can walk."

He turned to look at her, she didn't look fine. Before he could help her stand he noticed that she had placed her hand over her mouth, as if she were ready to throw up. He helped her to her feet and she stormed into the nearest bathroom.

A few minutes in, when she was beginning to get in touch with reality, she was having trouble believing that she was in this position. She never thought she'd find herself in a bathroom throwing up the alcohol she had consumed just hours prior. She didn't think Lucas would be by her side trying to wipe off the vomit she had gotten on her shirt.

She hated that her plan to feel better had backfired. She wanted to complain and scream at her own frustration, but she kept it to herself, even though she could barely process a single thought. She watched as Lucas finished cleaning her off. The stain wasn't bad, but it was obvious she had thrown up.

"Are you serious?" Riley questioned him, his inability to remove the stain had only upset her. She drunkenly tried to remove the stain from her shirt, using the sink for support and he found it hard to concentrate.

"The stain's not coming out, babe."

"Shut up, I'm doing it."

Lucas watched her. He was growing impatient and tired from watching Riley all night and it was obvious he wasn't having fun. "Here, let me help."

"No," she moved away from him, but in doing so she slipped on the mat and fell. "Ow."

He helped her up, she was too drunk to stand on her own and he wasn't sure how they would make it out the party. "I'm taking you home."

"Stop," she slapped his hands off of her. "I'm not going home. I'll spend the night if I have too. Jacob said it was okay."

"You're not spending the night, Riles. Your parents are gonna see that you're not home in the morning."

"So?"

"So... you'll get in trouble."

"You know you're so stupid," she insulted him. She had reached the maximum level of frustration she had for him and she couldn't hide it anymore. She wanted to yell at him and throw something at him, but the only thing stopping her was the fact that she was drunk and she was seeing double. "It's bullshit."

"It's not bullshit."

"_You're_ bullshit."

He sighed, "You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."

She shook her head no, "I do. That's why you're bullshit. You're pretending like everything is okay. You think that by letting me drink tonight you'll somehow change your ways and things will be different. That if you stop drinking and being more supportive and focused on being good and smart that it will fix everything you did. Well, guess what? It's not. And you need to stop pretending."

He didn't say anything, he just watched her try to remove the stain.

"And you wanted this, remember? It was your idea to bring me here. You wanted us to get our mind off of things because you somehow think that's gonna fix us, I just wanted to get drunk so I could forget about how badly you've fucked up. But you haven't realized it yet, cause you're b-bullshit."

He looked at the floor. His eyes couldn't meet hers when they were teary. He didn't like what Riley was saying especially since even he felt like part of it was true. He blamed himself for things in their relationship and he hoped going to a party would fix it, but he was clearly wrong.

"And it's funny," Riley continued, her words slurring. Everything about her was obvious she was drunk, everything from the way she stood, to the way she talked, even to the way she looked. "You never learn from your mistakes. We always try to forget the fact that you always fuck things up for us, but I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, you're gonna lose me one day. I just hope it's soon."

By the time, Riley was done cleaning the stain off her shirt, Lucas took her home. He spent a lot of time trying to convince her to leave with him and in the end, he was able to. She was difficult to handle when she was drunk but he knew that's because she was expressing all the anger and hatred she had for him.

She loved him, he was sure of it, but he understood she hated him for that exact reason.

It was twisted, he knew it, but he was twisted too that's why he understood it. He helped Riley to bed, she was somewhat sober by the time and she could tell she had said something she didn't want to say, but he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to make her feel worse than she already did.

"You're okay? You need some water?" he asked once Riley was on her bed.

Riley shook her head no. Instead, she reached for his arms when he was about to leave, "I love you, Lucas."

He felt his eyes water. "I love you too, Riles. Get some rest, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Everything above basically happened the summer going into their senior year all the way to the end of their first semester. Next chapter will pick up in January 2021 and will be where they are all currently. This was just like an update on what they've been through. **

**Let me know what you think in the review section. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	15. 14: Zuri

**A/N: This chapter will be very interesting for y'all. There's some important things in this chapter and Maya will also pick up on some Rucas toxicity in the first scene. Who knows how that will turn out? ****I'm also debating if this story will go on a two week break again because you guys have started to catch up with me and I'm only a few weeks ahead of you guys. I'll let you know by next week because I've added some more chapters to the fic than I orginally intended which means you guys will get more chapters. **

**GuestEstelle: There's more in stores for Joshaya in the next few chapters. **

**KillEmWithKindness02: Thank you so much, you're amazing. **

**selenita: I'm so surprised so much of you guys still want them together lmao. But thanks so much for the review. **

**Tilly: This is a toxic Rucas fic, you realize that, right? As for Josh and Maya, there won't be many scenes with them apart. You guys will just need to be patient. I already know the direction they're heading towards. **

**Lose You to Love Me**

**Chapter 14**

**Present Day**

**January 8th, 2021**

Lucas sat impatiently in class, tapping his table with his pencil. His breathing beginning to quicken and his anxiety rising.

His eyes moved to his teacher, he watched as she dropped the packets of paper on each student's table. As she got closer to his, his breathing only quickened.

"Yo," Maya said waving a hand in front of his gaze. "What's wrong, why are you breathing like that?"

He turned to look at her, she sat nonchalantly almost lazily while he was panicking inside. "She's handing back Monday's test."

"Yeah...so?"

"I spent all day studying for it," he informed her. He reviewed the textbooks chapter front and back and learned it until he could recite it in his sleep. He spent hours upon hours reading Riley's notes and studying her flashcards until the sun rose the next day and it was time to head for school. If he passed it meant all that hard work paid off. "If I do good on this she'll bump my grade to at least a D-. And since grades are due soon, I really need for this to be a good grade."

"Oh that's cute, you think a D- is a good grade," Maya said, laughing.

Lucas sat back, "It's still considered bad, I know, but at least it won't drop my grade as much as it would if I had an F in this class. So this test could either make or break my report card."

"So what grade do you need on this test to pass her class?"

"B+," Lucas informed.

As their teacher neared their table, Lucas began to grow impatient. He needed to see his test and waiting for it was slowly killing him.

Their teacher dropped their test at their table, leaving one for Riley who was currently running an errand for their teacher. He quickly flipped it over and his expectant eyes fell.

A long exasperated sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned back on his chair, running his hand through his head.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you didn't do so good," Maya began, reaching for his test. When she brought it closer to her and stared at the grade on the top right of the paper, she almost felt sorry for him. "You'll get it next time. Just hide this report card from your parents and you'll be fine."

"Yeah," he scoffed, "My parents are the least of my problems."

Once Riley walked in, Lucas instinctively reached for his test and flipped it so that his grade wasn't showing. The brunette took her seat in between them and noticed that their teacher handed back their graded test scores. "About time. What'd you get?" she asked the blonde.

"Only a B-"

"Nice!" she flipped her own test and smiled at her perfect score, "I'm telling you Ms. Coman has nothing on me. I can literally skip this class and still ace her exams. What about you, babe? What did you get?"

"I failed," he answered, a nervous smile curving his lips.

Riley stared at him. For a moment, Maya could see the criticism and judgment passing through the brunette's brown eyes. She had never seen this look on Riley and it was like she was searching for a way to insult him or comfort him she couldn't tell.

When she looked at Lucas she could see he was somewhat intimidated by what Riley was going to say next. It made her think that the reason Lucas was so interested in raising his grade wasn't for his own benefit, but to please the brunette; not his parents.

"Dumbass," Riley jeered at him.

The insult fired back louder than it was intended too. Everybody turned to look at their table and it seemed like the only person who hadn't heard it was their teacher. Which was expected since Ms. Coman was basically a walking body with no sense of sight or hearing whatsoever.

The class's attention slowly turned to their teacher once she began her introductory lesson for the day ahead. She spoke about an essay they would be needing to write based on a columnist that represented their similar beliefs and that their first draft was due in a week.

All Riley could think about was how easy this class was to her. She enjoyed it so much because she was seated next to her best friend and her boyfriend, but aside from that the class wasn't teaching her anything new.

She felt as though it was only holding her back from something else she could've been doing.

And that was once again, because of Lucas.

After a lengthy discussion in the summer, Lucas had encouraged Riley not to sign up for the honors classes she was eligible for. He said that he wanted to spend more time with her at school and Riley, being a hopeless romantic, fell in love with the idea. She thought it would be fun to have a few classes with him so she set aside her future for it. As a result, they had many core classes together and electives they had agreed to take together.

To Lucas, it was the perfect solution. He figured this would help their relationship grow back together. Sharing the same curriculum provided the perfect opportunity. Not only would they be seeing one another in class, but they would share projects, notes, and homework assignments as well. Their bond would be re-established and whatever curse their relationship was under would be broken.

But not even a month into the school year and Riley was already tired of it. She thought this opportunity would be fun and exciting, but she was wrong. The only thing she got out of it was boring classes and Lucas constantly insisting on copying off her homework and their graded assignments.

She was in no way enthusiastic about having to share a table with Lucas either. She hated it when their elbows accidentally touched. Though they were close and she loved him deeply, Riley couldn't stand him in an academic setting. He never paid attention and insisted on copying off of her all the time, she was okay with it at first, but after a month of it happening, she was tired of it. He was also very distracting at times and demanded attention, it was as if the second the teacher started talking, he'd shut down and talk about something completely unrelated.

She just wished this wouldn't be how the entire year turned out.

When the bell rang and they walked out of the class, Lucas started walking towards the end of the hallway. It was clear he needed to go somewhere and just like always he expected her to follow, but she wasn't interested.

"I need to get something from my truck," he told her.

"Okay," Riley nodded, standing in her place. She wasn't going with him; she just wanted him to get the message without her having to say it to him. They awkwardly stared into each other's eyes and Maya wondered what was going on and why she was acting off around him.

"You're not coming?" he asked.

This was so unlike Riley. Maya knew her best friend, she knew the brunette would follow him towards the end of the Earth, but seeing how she was acting in class and then not wanting to go to his truck with him only made her think something was wrong. When he leaned in to kiss her goodbye, Riley quickly turned her cheek so he could kiss her cheek.

With this gesture, Maya knew something was definitely wrong. The Riley she knew would've never dodged her boyfriend's kiss unless there was a reason to do so.

And there must've been.

"I'll see you in a bit then," Lucas said before walking in the opposite direction.

They walked to their usual spot in the quad and all Maya could think about was the awkwardness and unaddressed drama going on between Lucas and Riley. The nosey side of her wanted to know all the deets and suck the information out of Riley, but they hadn't been that close lately enough for her to feel comfortable asking for that kind of information.

It could've been serious so she refrained herself from asking.

But wasn't that a good reason to ask her best friend what was going on?

She decided to let it go for now. She'd only come back to it if she felt the tension between her and Lucas was escalating.

They took their seat on the lunch table and smiled when Farkle joined. Shortly after, Isadora joined then Zay.

Looking passed either shoulder, Riley whispered them in as if to tell them something. Once they had huddled in, they stared at her, expectantly. "Don't make any plans Saturday night after Winter Formal."

"Why?" they asked.

"I'm throwing Lucas a surprise birthday party. He'll be turning eighteen and I want to make it special for him and I know he'd love it if all his friends were there. So cancel all your plans if you have them already and show up to his party. Pretty please?"

"Yeah," Zay agreed.

"We'll be there."

"But," she clicked her tongue, "Don't talk about it when he's around. It's a surprise after all and not a lot of people know yet, so don't spill anything. Please?"

She stared at the four of them and waited till they all nodded. A few minutes later, when they had moved onto a different subject, Lucas joined them and sat beside Riley. He greeted them all before kissing the brunette on the cheek. "Zay."

"What's up, Lucas."

The moment was awkward considering that neither of them knew that they had a fallout. Truth was, Lucas and Zay stopped being friends when Lucas told him to stay away from Riley, which was a little over a year ago. As a result, Farkle and Zay started being friends which affected their friendship and they hadn't talked as much since then.

**ooo**

Riley's fourth period consisted of grading tests and homework assignments as part of being the junior class chemistry teacher's assistant. While her teacher and his class spent the rest of their day in the lab, a room across the hall, Riley was left alone to do her grading.

At times she'd finish before the period was over and idly use her phone, other times she'd read a book.

This time, in particular, she was left alone to grade a large stack of homework assignments.

"Ms. Matthews?" Lucas said as he knocked on her door after seeing what she was left to do.

The brunette chuckled and decided to go along with the joke, "Yes, Mr. Friar? What can I help you with?"

"I'm having a little trouble understanding last week's test," he informed.

"Do you now?"

He nodded, charmingly. "I was hoping you could help me understand it."

"And why do you think that?"

"Because you're absolutely beautiful," he said before kissing her forehead and laughing at their playful quips. "And my girlfriend's kinda dumb."

She laughed at his banter, "What are you doing here, you should be in class?"

"I know, I know. But I had to see you. I miss you."

"What are you talking about? You saw me earlier."

"Yeah, but I couldn't do this earlier," he said before standing her up and kissing her - his back against the wall. "I also wanted to ask you out."

"Ask me out?" she chuckled. "Lucas, I can't take you seriously sometimes."

"Hey, just because you're my girlfriend doesn't mean I still shouldn't ask."

He made a good point. "Okay. Yeah. I can do Friday."

"Got it," he nodded, knowingly. "I have something planned, trust me you won't want to miss it. Let's just say I'm going over the top with this one," he said before sending a wink in her direction.

"Okay, now go back to class. Mr. Sim's can be back any minute and if he sees you here, he'll get the both of us in trouble."

"I'll miss you."

She couldn't stand his cuteness at times, if it were up to her she'd keep him around every second of the day. She'd bottle him up. "I'll miss you too, now bye. Get out."

He turned in the direction of the door and was ready to walk out when he stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. "I almost forgot."

"Forgot what?"

"Can you do me a huge favor?"

Her brows narrowed as she stared at him expectantly, "What kind of favor?"

Lucas didn't know how to tell her and in a way, he was slightly embarrassed to ask, but it was something he needed to do. If he had any hope of becoming the veterinarian he wanted to be, it would require a lot of hard work and academic excellence on his part, but given his recent test scores and failing grades, he was willing and able to make whatever sacrifices that goal required of him. "Can you change my grade from a D to a B before Mr. Sim's submits it into the grade book?"

She stood there stunned, wondering why he would even ask her to do such a thing. "Lucas I can get in trouble for that. Expelled even. I - I don't think I can do that."

"C'mon, please?"

"Your grades were perfect last semester, what happened? It's our second week back and you're already failing?"

The blonde prickled at the comment but quickly shrugged it off. "Please?" he begged. "After everything that's happened with my dad I haven't had the chance to study. I know he'd be impressed with me if he saw that my grades were improving. Don't you want to see him be happy for me?"

She sat back and thought, all Riley had ever heard about his relationship with his dad was that he was unnecessarily difficult on him and it would mean a lot to Lucas if he was able to receive some form of praise for raising his grades. If changing his grades meant just that then she would be doing it for a greater good.

Her head cocked to the side as she considered her predicament, she looked into his eyes and saw that he was holding on to the tiniest bit of hope, his puppy eyes almost made it impossible to say no and she wouldn't want to be the reason Lucas' dad got him into trouble. "Okay, fine. I'll do it."

"Thank you! Thank you!" he exclaimed excitedly before kissing her. He wished it could last longer, but the approaching footsteps prevented him. "We'll continue this after school, okay?"

"Okay. Now get out of here before we get caught," she said, waving him off. "I love you."

"Love you too."

_**ooo**_

Farkle and Cara's relationship, although young, had already started blossoming. They felt comfortable and at ease with each other and it meant a lot to Cara that somebody had taken an interest in her, especially after only knowing her for a few days.

Even though Farkle was awkward at times, she thought it was cute that he always tried to make her laugh and have a genuine time. He was talkative and she enjoyed that about him, especially when he always wanted to know what she was thinking.

As they continued walking, Farkle noticed that Isadora had been staring at them from the opposite side of the quad. She sat with Maya, facing them, and staring at them for a second before returning her attention to the blonde.

"What was that?" she asked.

"What?"

"You froze," she informed.

"Nothing. That's was nothing," his arm instinctively reached for the back of his neck, a gesture he did when he was nervous.

Cara shrugged it off before releasing a light smile. "Okay, then. Hey, I wanted to ask you something."

Farkle turned to her, "What is it?"

She stopped walking and turned to face him, taking in his chiseled features before releasing a sheepish smile, "I was hoping you were interested in going to Winter Formal with me? If I go I'd be my first dance at this school and I'd enjoy it a lot if you were there with me."

The genius was taken aback by the gesture, he had never been asked out before and he liked that she had taken the courage to do so. "Yeah," he answered. "Of course, I'll go with you. What time should I pick you up?"

"6?" she asked, nonchalant; even though the excitement inside of her was eating her alive. She was in the mood to scream and jump but she kept it all together. "On second thought, I'll pick you up. Be ready early, I'm going to get us reservations at a restaurant. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Sure, why not? Do you even know what restaurant to reserve?"

She thought about it before shaking her head no, laughing at her naivety.

"Let me handle the reservation and then I'll let you know what time you can pick me up. Does that sound like a plan?"

"It does."

The bell rang and the two shared a hug before going their separate ways. Cara already beginning to brainstorm her dress.

_**ooo**_

As Isadora and Maya made their way to class, the brunette couldn't help, but ask about what she saw earlier. As they stopped at the blonde's locker, Isadora felt the need to ask: "Hey, do you know if Farkle and Cara are more than friends?"

Maya rummaged through the majority of her books to find her only pencil. "Umm...I think so. Have you noticed the way he acts around her? And I heard from a little birdy, that birdy being Zay, that he really likes her. I mean they'll make a cute couple, don't you think?"

She stayed silent for a while, contemplating the way she felt about the entire scenario. She thought she'd be okay with it, after all Farkle and her had been broken up for over a year, she hadn't thought about their relationship in months, but seeing her with another girl made her think differently. Had he really moved on? she thought to herself.

Maya, taking notice of her absence, waved a hand in front of the brunette's chocolate brown eyes. "Yo. You okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I just... spacing out."

The blonde stared at her quizically before jumping to her first assumption. "Spacing out? I don't know, Dora. If I didn't know any better I'd say you still have feelings for him?"

She shook her head no, "We broke up a long time ago, trust me my feelings for him have expired. I'm just wondering because if he does like her, that'd be the first girl he's had feelings for that isn't me."

She slammed her locker door shut, "I know, it's shocking isn't it? I always thought you two would get married and go to some college for nerds and raise little geniuses together."

She feigned a smile at the blonde's choice of words. A part of that hurt her feelings in a way she couldn't explain, for a second she felt a strong sense of grief and loss and she felt her eyes water. "We should get to class, we don't want to be late."

She nodded. "Yeah. C'mon. I also forget to mention. Your dress should be purple so it can match my lavender dress. We're look hot together, plus we need to win best dressed couple at Winter Formal," the blonde suggested as she pulled out her phone to show the brunette what colored dress she had in mind. "You'd look totes adorbs in this."

_**ooo**_

Since Winter Formal and Lucas' birthday were approaching, Riley had a few plans coming up that she was nervous for.

While out at the mall searching for her dress for the dance, she was sneakily buying an outfit for Lucas' birthday party. It was hard to plan a birthday party for her boyfriend, especially since he was always around and never insisted on leaving.

She purchased her dress and sneakily paid for the party outfit. When they made it to her house, Lucas persisted on seeing the dress on her. When she tried it on, his expression said it all. "Do you like it?" she asked.

Lucas beamed as the sensation began to overpower him. There was something about her naked back that was doing something to him he didn't know how to describe. When the brunette looked up at him, expectantly, the feeling intensified.

"No, uh, I um, I really like it." He stuttered, his voice sounding foreign to them both.

She nodded slowly, taking in his weird, yet flattering reaction. "Are you okay?" she asked. She watched as he stiffly sat down and placed one of her pillows over his lap, like he had something to hide.

Truthfully, in that moment, Lucas was at loss of words. He'd never met a girl that had taken his breath away, and Riley had been the first. It was the curve of her back, the silk of her hair, and the rhythm of her breathing that contributed to his loss of words. He and Riley had shared many moments together, but this feeling in particular had been awakening often than usual. He just wondered if she felt it too.

The concern in her voice pulled him out of his haze and back into her bedroom. "Sorry, I just... I don't know what to say besides you look beautiful."

"It's okay," she laughed. She wasn't sure if she had seen right, but it seemed as though seeing her in this dress had taken his breath away. She had never done that to a guy before and it made her feel confident, almost sexy in a way. "I think this is the one, don't you think?"

He nodded. "I do. It looks amazing on you."

Her features illuminated at his confession.

"I really want to kiss you right now," she heard him say.

She turned to look at him, his light green eyes staring back at her. "Well then what's stopping you?" she replied.

Lucas chuckled, "N-nothing, I just... it's nothing."

"It's definitely something," she said, realizing he was holding back on telling her. "And it's not like we've never kissed before."

Again he nodded, grinning shamelessly as he reached out and took her hands into his own. "You're beautiful."

Riley laced her fingers with his and smiled, "Don't try to change the subject. Why aren't you kissing me?" she inquired innocently.

His green eyes traveled down to the floor. "I want to kiss you…I'm just not sure if I should."

She felt her heart deflate almost immediately. She never thought that he'd stop himself from kissing her. It was crazy how quickly he could make her feel things. "Oh," she cooed before removing her hand from his, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Her mind instantly began to jump to different conclusions as to why he didn't want to kiss her, she started questioning herself and how she looked and wondered if her breath smelled or if there was something in her teeth she had missed. She was trying to be mature about the situation, but Lucas could tell she was most likely fearing the worst. She probably thought he was trying to find a way to let her down easily but that wasn't it.

"It's not what you're thinking," he assured, but the look in her eyes told him she wasn't believing him.

"I wasn't thinking anything," she lied, but he could tell what she was doing.

"I don't believe you, but okay. I just want you to know that you're being hard on yourself," he explained.

She glanced down at their shoes, "I just don't understand, you've never had a problem with kissing me before," she implored needing an answer.

Lucas sighed as he attempted to find the right words to describe his current predicament. "It's not that I don't want to, Riley, it has more to do with how I want to kiss you," he revealed.

Riley's brows wrinkled in confusion. "Ew," she immediately cringed, thinking Lucas had a weird kink he wanted to experiment with. "What are you talking about?"

"What I'm trying to say is that," he hoped he was translating himself in a way that would make sense to her. "I don't just want to kiss you. I want to, like, do more with you...intimately."

"Oh." She said shocked.

Even though he loved seeing her in that dress, he wondered how she would look outside of it.

Sensing he had made things awkward between them, he tried to explain himself, hoping he could justify himself in a way. "I mean I've always wanted to... I love you, but it's... kind of reached that point where I really want to do that with you now."

Her doe eyes grew wide and he instantly wished he could take his words back. He knew he'd frighten her. "I should go. That was stupid, I shouldn't have said that. I don't know where it came from."

"Lucas, wait, you don't need to go," she said taking his hand. "It's fine, I mean at some point every teen goes through it. It's normal."

He was glad she wasn't weirded out by his confession. When he would have sex with other girls in the past it was solely based on sexual attraction but with Riley things were different, there were feelings involved, real feelings and he didnt want to mess anything up.

Their eyes met and Riley couldn't help but stare at him, in many ways she was attracted to the fact that Lucas wanted something intimate with her, even if she wasn't ready for that kind of relationship. "Just kiss me."

Without another word his lips were on hers. Lucas had never kissed her like this before. Riley hadn't understood how Lucas behaved sexually until the moment his mouth overtook hers. She could feel the urgency on his lips and the tips of his fingers as he pulled her closer and this was only a fragment of how he acted sexually, it made her realize how experienced he was and she want ready to go there with him. "Lucas," she breathed against his mouth sending shivers down his spine.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," he responded in a raspy tone that she didn't recognize.

"You're okay," she pecked his lips once more and enjoyed their embrace, "You should go by the way," she suggested, "It's late and my parents could walk in at any given moment. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Unable to speak he simply nodded, planting one last kiss on her lips. "Tomorrow. Bye Riley."

When he was gone, Riley glanced back at the mirror, noticing the flush on her face. Even though she wasn't ready to have sex with Lucas, she was wildly attracted to that side of him. She couldn't help but touch her lips and think of the way he kissed her. Once again she looked at her dress and wondered what other kind of outfits she could wear that would cause him to spontaneously combust on physical attraction.

_**ooo**_

"Sex?" the blonde haired teen asked her best friend the following day at school. Although the news Riley revealed to them was completely nonchalant, their reactions seemed a little over the top.

Riley nodded. "Yes. What do I do?" She didn't think that telling them what Lucas had told her the day before would cause them to react in such a way. "What?"

"Hold on," Isadora said as she and Maya exchanged looks, she could tell they were trying to process what she had revealed. "You and Lucas have been dating for over a year, right?"

She nodded.

"And you guys haven't had sex?"

She nodded again.

"Oh my - "

"Honey…" Maya murmured.

"What?" she asked, confused. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

"Because it's been a whole year and you guys haven't had sex," the blonde answered. "That's concerning."

"I wouldn't say concerning," Riley defended. "I mean, yeah, things have been a little slow in the sex department for Lucas and me, but it's totally normal for couples to not have sex in their first year of dating."

"No," Isadora answered, blatantly. "No, it's not."

"Of course it is."

They both shook their heads no. "It isn't."

"Okay, well, when did you guys have sex with your boyfriends?"

"Josh and I started having sex a month in."

"Farkle and I did it for the first time our second month of dating… he was a little unprepared." she added, "But even then I thought we were having sex kind of late in our relationship. Not to mention we were friends before we started dating so we were comfortable with each other, you know?"

"Ugh," the brunette expressed, running a hand through her hair. She felt like she was responsible for the delay in their sexual inactivity.

"What'd I miss," Cara asked as she joined the trio, placing her salad on the lunch table.

"Our friend Riley here hasn't had sex with her boyfriend of one year."

"Oohhh," Cara cooed.

"It's not that bad, right?" They gave her the impression that it was. "So what do I do?"

"Have sex with him!" Isadora and Maya said in unison, enough for the students in the nearby table to hear.

"If I can?" Cara interjected, "If you're not ready to have sex with him then don't feel obligated to do anything. Time in a relationship holds no value, it's the comfort and love you feel when you're around them that does."

"Well, yeah. If you aren't ready then don't do it."

"Never have sex with someone if you don't feel like you're ready. You wouldn't want your first time to make you feel uncomfortable."

"But the thing is, I am. I'm ready, I just... it never occured to me that Lucas and I could go there. I mean I know Lucas and I know what he's like. I just..." she felt at loss for words. "You know what, I'm doing it!" she encouraged. "Saturday night, the day of his birthday, I'm gonna tell him."

The three of her friends cheered. "To losing your viriginity."

"To dick!" Isadora exclaimed and the rest of them laughed.

Riley was sure the rest of the people around them were silently judging and wondering what they were talking about, but she didn't care. She was happy to have 'the talk' with them and she was looking forward to going there with Lucas.

She knew his birthday party would be a night to remember and now she was certain it would be.

_**ooo**_

A few days later, while bored at home, Lucas was in a desperate need to reconnect with his friends. He decided that it was time he brought them back together, and what other way to do that then to invite them to a day in the gym?

He had to admit that hanging out with Charlie and Zay after a long time felt awkward at first. The last time they hung out on their own terms a lot happened and he wasn't sure if their friendship was ever going to survive it, but he was glad it had. He was also glad his friend Adrian was there to keep things from getting awkward if it ever came to that. They spent over an hour working out and reconnecting on what they've been up to in the time they hadn't spoken to each other and Lucas was surprised to learn that they had both focused on the career paths after high school.

He always felt like out of the three, he would be the one to academically succeed and focus on his education, and even though he was failing most of his classes and had a low GPA, he was still smarter than the two combined. He even had Riley to help him and the fact that Zay and Charlie randomly found the motivation to focus on their education was surprising to him. It made him wonder if he'd missed other changes in their lives.

After their break was done and they had resumed their activities, Zay sat in silence watching Lucas and wondering what his relationship with Riley had been like. He knew it was none of his business, but Riley was his friend and he knew Lucas tended to make things difficult, so he wanted to know how they were doing. He also wasn't feeling hopeful especially after he was reminded of the elephant in the room. The elephant Lucas hadn't acknowledged in months.

"So have you kept in touch with your two little sophomores?" he asked knowing Lucas would understand exactly what he meant.

Lucas smirked with a light chuckle, taking pride in his little secret, and began doing pushups. A week before winter break, Lucas had learned that the two sophomores he'd been flirting with for fun had fallen in love with him and were currently fighting with each other. They both left him with an ultimatum, he was to make up his mind and choose which one he loved the most. He couldn't stop laughing at their text messages, the mere thought of them thinking he was in love with either of them made him realize how much damage he could cause on the two if he told them the truth. "We talk a little here and there," he informed.

"Friar you're on thin ice," Zay advised as he took a seat on a bench nearby.

"Yeah, what if your girl finds out?" Charlie inquiried.

"Nah," he denied shaking his head, firmly believing she never would. "She won't, trust. Riley's super chill, she hardly ever gets jealous. Plus, I don't give her a reason to be. I don't make it obvious, I'm not an idiot."

"It's crazy," Adrian began, "Hella bitches been throwing themselves at you since you started dating her. I'm surprised you've been dodging most of them. Do you ever wish you hadn't asked her out?"

Zay counted the second of silence between them as moments of hesitation. He knew that whatever Lucas answered could potentially jeopardize the way he thought of him.

Lucas rested in a plank position, a smile forming on his lips as his girlfriend came to mind. "Not really. I mean, Zuri and Lia are cute and all and they were a lot of fun if you know what I mean, but I'd only consider dating them if I wasn't looking for anything serious. The only girl I've ever wanted a serious relationship with is Riley. I mean I've liked her since middle school, I wouldn't fuck it up. I mean I'm still gonna mess around and do some stupid shit here and there, but I'm being careful, you know? I'm being smart about this."

"She's got you whipped, man. For sure." Charlie taunted and the two began to laugh.

He ignored his friend's remark and stood on his feet. "That's not even the best part. You guys know Vanessa from Ryder High? The private school?"

The three boys nodded knowingly.

"She hit me up over the summer and we flirted for a bit, you know nothing serious. She even sent me a couple of nippity pics," they laughed at Lucas' term for nudes, "Get this...when she found out I had a girlfriend, she went crazy. Like batshit crazy. She spammed my phone, it must've been at least thirty text messages calling me a piece of shit and other names and you think it'd stop there, right? I was wrong, the next day I get a text from Riley telling me this girl named Vanessa was texting her, trying to be her friend..."

Adrian's, Charlie's, and Zay's eyes widened.

"Did she tell Riley?"

He shook his head no, "She didn't get the chance. I had to lie to Riley and convince her that she wasn't a good person to be around, she fell for it which is good, but I freaked out. Made Riley block her on everything, I didn't want to take any chances. If Riley found out, it's done. I'm over."

"Then what about your sophomores?"

"They're fun," he added before sitting on the bench press. "I'm only doing it because they're quick and easy. To be honest, they're a couple of sluts."

Zay wondered how his friend got himself into this situation. He wondered why he was willing to risk a relationship with a girl he claimed to be in love with. "Do you know how you get yourself into this mess in the first place?"

He bit back a bitter chuckle and set the weights down, "I mean look at me. I'm Lucas fucking Friar, I can get any girl I want."

**_ooo_**

Since Lucas' birthday was approaching, Riley and Zay broke down the list of friends they would invite to his party. Riley knew some of his friends, but Zay would be more helpful in listing the people Lucas would want at a party and the people he wouldn't want at a party.

"I know that he doesn't like Hayden," Zay informed, crossing his name off the list Riley made. "He talks a lot of shit about him though, I don't know why."

The brunnette did. Hayden and Riley' once had a fling in the past. Lucas lost it when he found out and they got into an argument because of it. She never knew that Lucas continued to hate him even a year later. She brought herself out of her trance and returned her attention to Zay, who studied the list carefully.

"You definitely shouldn't invite any sophomores," the dark-skinned said refering to Zuri and Lia - the sophomores Lucas had been flirting with. He figured he shouldn't take any chances, he was sure they would only complicate things.

"Okay, got it," she said confused, but she didn't feel the need to ask why.

"Wait, why is Missy on the list? I thought she hated you?"

"She does," Riley began, "But most of the Chanel's will be there and she's their leader so I didn't want them to feel lost, I also didn't want Missy to feel left out. Plus, as much as I hate to admit it, Missy's fun at parties and I'm sure she'll get the crowd moving."

As they continued naming people and crossing people off her list, Riley learned that Lucas didn't really like or get along with a lot of people. It was complicated at times, but they finally got through with it.

"Hey, did you talk to his parents about this?" he asked quizically, "I don't think his parents would be okay with Lucas having a high school party."

"Actually, his parents are on vacation," the brunette informed as she turned the page on her notebook. "They don't know about his."

"Really?" Zay asked, shocked. "They're on vacation? But it's his birthday..."

"I know, I reacted the same way. That's why I'm gonna throw him the biggest birthday party ever. I want him to be happy so it needs to be a surprise and he needs to be surrounded by people he likes. I don't want there to be a fight because knowing him..."

"Yeah..."

"Okay, so here's how it's gonna go. Friday's Winter Formal, Saturday is Lucas' birthday so I'm gonna be at his house early in the morning with the bag of decorations. I have a key to his place so I'll hide it in a closet before going to his room and surprising him with his little cupcake. Your job is to take him out, do whatever boys do to celebrate and keep him out till it's 5:30pm. In that time, Maya and Isadora will go into his house with the key I gave them and bring in the rest of the stuff. They'll wait till Lucas leaves to pick me up for our date. I lied and told him I made reservations to Casoni's and on our way there, I'll blindfold him and tell him I have a surprise. In the time I get ready, you, Maya, Isadora, and Farkle will decorate his house with the decorations I bought. I already have a blue print of where I want the decoration to be so you guys won't have to brain storm out of your ass. When I'm done getting ready, I'll text you guys and I'll drive him to his house and when I take the blindfold off, you'll all yell surprise. It's your guys's job to make sure everybody is there before 8:30, got it?"

Zay nodded, "Wow you really thought this through, huh?"

"I did," she responded. "This needs to be perfect, okay? It's his first birthday without his parents and I don't want him to be sad about it."

"We'll make sure of it. We'll do our job and you'll do yours."

Riley smiled, she knew she could trust Zay. He always proved himself to her and she was happy for it. It was the reason she liked Zay the most out of all of Lucas' friends.

_**ooo**_

Sunday afternoon came and Riley was at Lucas' house. She was dressed for their date to the grocery store since Lucas ate like a pig and finished all the food in his kitchen.

She got there expecting him to be ready, but he was still in his pajamas. She could tell he had awaken from a nap and she gave him time to get ready.

As he showered in his bathroom, Riley waited in his room. She was bored out of her mind since Lucas basically showered for hours. She decided to look through the things in his room since she had never taken the time to pay attention to it.

She looked through his posters, his bookshelf - she was certain Lucas had never touched before - and his albums of rappers Lucas listened to. She plopped down on her bed and sighed, tiredly.

As she shifted and turned she couldn't help, but think of the times they made out on it. He was a good kisser and at times she'd find herself thinking back on it.

When she sat upright, her wandering eyes caught caught sight of his phone and quickly stood. Releasing a mischevious grin, she sauntered towards his phone and unlocked it, grinning at the memory of his passcode.

She flipped through his social media apps trying to find the people he normally texted with so she could make sure they were invited. She wanted to make it special for him, after all.

A few minutes of digging led her nowhere, she realized she had most of his closest friends on the list and didn't think she needed to keep investigating. She went to turn his phone off, but she stumbled on a name she didn't recognize. "Zuri?" the brunette questioned.

When she clicked on their chat, she felt the energy drain from her body. The shocking revelation of what she had seen had stunned her, leaving her speechless and unable to process.

If anyone had been watching her, one could also have watched an expression of curiosity change to one of utter disbelief within seconds. She stared down at the screen, trying to let it sink in, making sure that the photo was indeed meant for Lucas.

She said something. She was sure she had, but she was so overwhelmed with shock, she had forgotten so easily.

Had she really seen what she thought she saw?

Her eyes began to glisten as she brought his phone to her gaze once more. "What?" she felt her voice whisper. "No."

She wanted to believe she hadn't seen it, but she had. She'd seen the harsh reality.

She saw a picture of a topless girl on his phone. It was a text message which meant they engaged in a conversation before she sent it.

The water in the bathroom stopped and Riley quickly turned it off and returned it to its original position. Shortly after, Lucas stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist, his wet hair pulled back. "Just give me a minute and we're good to go."

She stayed quiet. Even through the veil of anguish, even though the image of Lucas was blurred by tears, he was still the most beautiful person Riley had ever seen.

"Babe? You good?"

The familiarity of his voice reminded her of all the good in their relationship. She was reminded of the good she saw in him and she refused to believe he had been cheating on her. It just couldn't be.

The Lucas she knew wouldn't do that.

He would never do that.

"Yeah," she answered him, although her attention wasn't fully on him. "Just hurry up, I'll be in the car."

**oOoOoOoOo**

**A/N: And the plot thickens. Thank you so much for reading and let me know what ya'll think. A lot happened and how do you think Riley will react know what she knows now? **

**I hope all of you are staying safe and looking out for you health, at times like this you could never be too careful. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	16. 15: A Melancholy Birthday Surprise

**A/N: So this might be the longest chapter in the series so far. The reason I didn't cap it at 7k and split the chapter into two is because there won't be an update next week. So I decided to give you guys as much as I possibly could. I'm gonna go on a little break because there are a few more chapters that I need to write with scenes that are intense, it gets crazy trust me, and those require a lot of time for me to write. I'm dedicated to finishing this series because it's one of my favorites ever and it means a lot to me. **

**Cool beans: Your review made my day, girl. You're so sweet. And I'm not going on a break because of any hate, trust me. I'm going on a break to get ahead of my schedule and to focus on the story's direction because trust me, it gets better. And the chapter I return with is gonna be a good one. Thank you for making my day and I'm sending you virtual hugs luv. Stay safe. **

**Tilly: So true, sorry lmao. **

**Hi: Yeah, our girl Riley is kind of blinded. You'll see more of that develop in this chapter. And she's like that because she really loves him, she's letting her heart get in the way of what she truly thinks and that was very interesting for me to write. And damn, you went in on her lmao. We dragging characters now? i'm dead. Riley's just very optimisitc and kindhearted, which can make her seem very vulnerable and immature. **

**selenita: I love you guys for attacking Riley lmao, it's so funny. But this is something most girls can relate to, right? We catch our boyfriends cheating and we go into denial, it's authentic and realistic and that's what I wanted. And that was exactly it, it can get stressful so thank you guys so much for understanding. **

**GuestEstelle: You made a really good point, but Maya doesn't really know how toxic they are. She just suspected she caught them at a time when they were mad at each other or arguing over something. The scene wasn't meant to be taken that seriously, Riley recognizes that it's her decision in the end. So no need to be disappointed. And we'll definitely see about the whole cheating thing, I'll explore that in the upcoming weeks. **

**A special thanks to my FF friend Katy Kear for helping me write a scene with Isadora and Farkle. This is a turning scene for the both of them and I'm happy she helped me with it. Thank you guys so much and thank you for reading. **

**Chapter 15**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**to love, love, yeah**_

_**ooo**_

Blinding lights flashed in their direction as Lucas and Riley posed for their Winter Formal picture. She wore a pink quartz tulle dress that featured a pink bow along the neckline, with a cape design around the sleeves. Her long cascades were down past her shoulders with a boho style inspired hairstyle, a smiling gracing her features. Lucas was dressed in a tuxedo with his touseled hair combed to the side while he flashed a smile.

As he kissed her cheek and Riley feigned a smile for the camera, all Riley could think about was the picture of the topless girl on his phone. She knew how she looked and she knew her name was Zuri, but the brunette had never seen her around school. She didn't know how Lucas met her, but she was sure of one thing.

Lucas had been flirting with another girl behind her back.

She didn't know why she couldn't confront him about it. It was like every time the thought occurred, she'd look deep into his emerald eyes and forbid herself from even thinking about it.

Despite knowing what she knew, she still craved his hugs and kisses and wanted to be around him. She loved him and she was sure there was an explanation to all of this, she just wasn't ready to hear it.

She spent the rest of their day fixated on the image of the nude girl. Even though she stared at it for a few seconds, the image hadn't left her head. She was able to read Lucas' response and all he had sent was the heart-eyed emoji.

It broke her heart that he had encouraged the behavior. She wanted to believe he'd never do that to her, she wanted to believe she hadn't seen what she saw and that her reality was lying to her.

There was no way Lucas would be capable of that, right?

Sure he was impulsive and jealous and possessive, but he wasn't a cheater. He would never, right?

He would never hurt her like that.

There were times when they cuddled and she was wrapped in his embrace that he needed to bring her out of her trance. She had overwhelmed herself with the thoughts and ideas of Lucas cheating yet justified every single one of them. Refusing to believe he was cheating.

He just couldn't be.

When they came back from their date to the grocery store and sat in the living room, Riley was struggling to accept her knowledge of Lucas' infidelity. It couldn't have been especially in the way he was holding and kissing her, the thought of him cheating wasn't easy to comprehend.

She was certain of his love for her and he proved it every chance he got which only made all of it impossible to believe.

When they were done taking their pictures, they picked up their copies at the end of the booth and smiled at the result. The developed pictures were beautiful and they looked happily in love.

They sat back down at their table and Riley stared at her best friends. They sat on the opposite side of their table and curiously talked to one another as they checked the boys out who were occasionally stealing glances in their direction.

They were brilliant souls and the brunette always wondered how she was lucky enough to have them in her life. She just wished they knew everything that was going on in her life.

Truth was, Riley hadn't told anybody. Not even Maya, not even Isadora. They would've been the first people she ran to in a moment like this, but she stopped herself.

There was something about sharing this kind of information with them that would tarnish their idea of Lucas and she didn't want that.

She still cared about their opinion of him and telling him what she knew would change that. She knew her friends more than anybody in the world and she was sure they would do the confrontation for her.

Maya's strength coupled with Isadora's remarks would tear Lucas to shred's and she didn't want that. They would cause a scene in front of the entire school and possibly get themselves suspended.

So she kept it to herself.

She just didn't know how long she would be able to do that.

"...so is that a yes?" she heard Lucas say, his expectant eyes on her.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

He sat back on his chair, his green eyes staring deep into her brown, with a quizzical expression. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded almost immediately. "Yeah, I just...you know, these dances can be overwhelming sometimes."

He didn't feel the need to investigate further so he took her hand, "I asked if you wanted to dance."

"Oh," she said before leaving her stuff on the table. "Yeah, c'mon, let's go."

Dancing with Lucas was a feeling she never wanted to get used to. Even after a year of dating he still brought out the excitement in her, when she was pressed against him all she could smell was his cologne and the feeling of comfort. She loved it and missed it every time and even when she suspected him of cheating, and even though she tried to justify it in every way, she still loved him and wanted to be near him.

His hands moved to her waist as he pulled her in closer, placing his chin on her shoulders. "I love you."

She felt her heart drop, she loved him too, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Not when there was a huge cloud of uncertainty surrounding them.

"Why don't you spend the night at my place?" he asked

Riley knew his intention, he knew what he wanted if she spent the night and she wasn't sure she could do that. She couldn't bring herself to even think about it. "I can't. I think that I'm gonna ride home with Maya. It's been a long day."

His brows creased for a short instance, "It's fine, I'll take you."

"I think Maya should."

He took a step back and stared at her for a few seconds. Normally she'd be okay with his offer, but she wasn't now. "Riley, what's wrong?"

She couldn't bring herself to look at him, "I already told you - "

"I don't believe you. I know you, I know when there's something going on, I can tell. It's so obvious."

She gulped, "I don't know what to tell you, Lucas, I already told you there was nothing wrong."

He wanted to keep asking her about it, he would've done just that, but he knew how they got when they pressured each other. He didn't want them to start arguing in the middle of a dance, especially when they were slow dancing. He nodded understandingly and held her hands. "Okay, I'm sorry I asked. We're still on for our date tomorrow, right?" he asked, knowing it would be his birthday.

She nodded. She still had a surprise birthday party to follow through with. "Yeah. Be at my place on time, okay? I'll leave you if you're late."

He loved her sense of humor. It was everything to him and he loved that his 18th birthday would be with the love of his life.

_**ooo**_

Since Riley had gotten the idea to surprise Lucas with a birthday party, she immediately recruited Zay, Farkle, Isadora, Maya, and Cara to take charge of the preparation. Due to her planning and quick thinking, she was able to successfully keep Lucas out of his house by arranging that they meet at her place for their alleged date.

So once he was gone, the entire gang snuck in and started decorating the place.

Riley had the entire week to prepare and it was clear to Zay that she had everything under control. She must've repeated the plan to him a dozen times, so much so that he knew it word for word.

The plan went as followed:

When Lucas left, they were to sneak into his house - through the back door - and find the bags of decorations hidden in the hallway closet; which she had hidden the day before.

In one of the bags was the blueprint for the way she wanted the decorations to be set up, she wanted them to follow it exactly since she was picky when it came to stuff like that.

Zay's friends were to show up to Lucas' place a half-hour later to distribute the alcohol and beer through the ice chests in the kitchen and the backyard. She also wanted them to light the backyard with the patio lights Lucas' parents kept in the garage so people could travel in and out of the party.

Once that had been done, their friends should already be arriving. Which meant that Lucas and Riley shouldn't be too far behind.

A half-hour in, when everything was going according to plan, Maya and Isadora were already beginning to feel tipsy. The dark-skinned teen had advised them to stay sober, but together they were impossible to control.

Knowing they weren't allowed to drink, the two took a quick glance around the room to be certain no one would see him, then hastily took a bottle inside their coats. They took a final glance around before sneakily walking into the bathroom to take a handful of shots.

Once they were out, they would casually slide the bottle back into the ice chest and dispose of their red SOLO cups so nobody could catch them. They did this so they would be in the mood to party when their guests began to arrive.

And knowing Lucas' popularity, they were certain they were in for a large birthday celebration. Luckily, there hadn't been any reason to cancel, which is why the quintet on party detail.

The gang equally contributed to decorating the place and following Riley's orders. Maya and Zay were tasked with getting the word out and inviting people while Isadora, Farkle, and Cara focused on the placement of the decorations.

"Ok, so she wants us to hang these balloons up there in that corner," Cara said as she examined Riley's terrible drawing of the place. "And these streamers need to go over there above the door."

"Yes ma'am," Farkle nodded as he climbed the ladder propped against the wall. It was difficult at first since he was carrying the balloons up with him, but he managed to climb high enough until his head was nearly against the ceiling.

He taped the multi-colored balloons to the brown-colored walls as the rest of them watched from below. Once he had finished, he glanced downwards and waited for a thumbs up, "Is that good?"

They nodded. "Yeah."

"It looks cute," the blonde complimented from the other side of the house.

"You can come down no, we still need to hang the banner."

The genius stepped down from the ladder and together they walked towards the door to the main hallway. The entire house was decorated in brightly colored balloons, streamers, and other assorted decorations, and blacklights to illuminate the entire house.

They had even set a table so people could play cup pong and bought a few drinking games which were something Maya was certain she'd be doing in the coming hour.

Farkle stood at the top of the ladder hanging the birthday banner on the wall of the stairwell. He assumed Riley wanted it placed there so it'd be the first thing Lucas saw when he walked in.

Cara detected a slight problem with the banner, a frown appearing on her expression as she pointed to the problem. "Can you straighten it, please? It's a tad to low on the right side." She asked sweetly, trying to hide her displeasure.

"How about now? Is it good?" he asked.

"Yes, it's perfect. Oh, wait that actually looks really cute. Riley's such a great girlfriend to Lucas," she complimented as she took in the environment of the house, "And you guys are such great friends for helping her out with this."

"That's what we're for," he said, referring to themselves as minions which only made her laugh. "By the way, I didn't get to tell you, but I had a lot of fun with you last night. I didn't know you were such a great dancer."

"Am I now? I could've sworn I embarrassed you."

"Embarrassed me?" he questioned as they walked back into the kitchen, "Of course you didn't. I had a lot of fun, I would do it again if I had the chance."

"Do you now?" she asked as she placed a strand of her hair behind her head, "Well... prom is in a few months from now and I've never gone."

"Well, Cara," he said before taking her hand, knowing what he needed to do. "Would you like to go to prom with me?"

She smiled, excitedly. "I would love to, Farkle Minkus."

As they stood grinning in the doorway, a loud call from Zay reverberated throughout the room from the opposite direction of them. They were immediately startled from their trance and turned to look at him.

"Riley just said they'll be leaving their house in twenty minutes. Plus, people are already starting to arrive and we just finished decorating the place, so let's get lit!"

_**ooo**_

Lucas didn't expect to spend the second half of his birthday waiting for Riley to finish getting ready. He thought they'd have the rest of the evening to spend together doing whatever she had planned, but he was wrong.

Instead, he found himself sitting alone in her bedroom couch. He was using his phone while waiting patiently, but he got enough of it after two hours.

Seeing the sun go down only let him know they wouldn't be out for too long.

"Yo," he called out, "Riley, c'mon let's go. What's taking so long?"

Unbeknownst to Lucas, the brunette had spent the past fifteen minutes contemplating whether or not she could tolerate seeing him all night; especially after she had found that picture on his phone.

She didn't know if at any given moment she would snap and question him about it. She would feel guilty about doing that on his birthday, she was certain of it, but she wasn't sure if tonight would be the day that happened.

She wished she could forget about everything. She wanted to forget about everything, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to.

She tried her best to be happy, hoping she could manipulate herself into actually feeling it, but she was wrong.

Her find was fighting with certainty and uncertainty and she was struggling to come to terms with what she believed.

Before she could get lost in her own head again, she heard Lucas call out. He was getting impatient she could tell and the last thing she wanted was to get into an argument with him.

She looked at her phone to see any messages from Zay. When she learned that everything was going according to plan, she looked at herself in the mirror and feigned a smile. "Yeah, sorry it took me so long, I kept messing up my makeup."

"You know you don't need it," he said before examining her outfit and giving her a kiss, "You look beautiful... like always."

"Thank you."

As they walked down the stairs and to her car, the green-eyed teen began to grow curious about her secret plans. It was rare for Riley to keep things from him and he needed to know. "So where are we going after dinner?"

She shook her head no, knowing all too well what he was trying to do. "I already told you I wasn't going to tell. We're going out to eat and then the rest is secret."

"You know I don't like secrets."

_If only he understood the irony._

"Well, today you do. But wait, before we get in the car, you need to put this on," she said before reaching into her purse and bringing out a blindfold.

He examined the piece of cloth in her hands and narrowed his eyes, "Why on Earth do I need to put that on?" he asked.

"It's a secret - "

"C'mon...," he said dryly, he had just confessed to her that he didn't like them. "Plus, I already know where we're going you said you made reservations at Casoni's - "

"That's true," she confirmed, "but there's something else I had planned."

He decided to take the blindfold from her hands, "You're not gonna leave me stranded in the middle of nowhere, right?"

She chuckled, "Don't be dumb... you'd find your way back."

"I really would," he teased, a besotted grin on his handsome face.

She helped him tie the blindfold behind his head and guided him to his seat before driving the car. She still found it funny that the teen was blissfully oblivious to the fact that they were driving to his birthday party.

A few minutes into the ride, when the silence had prolonged, Lucas reached for Riley's hand. "Is it weird that I'm somehow attracted to this?"

"Uh...yeah, a little."

"It's the mystery behind it that's definitely turning me on," he added. Even though the blindfold, he managed to flash his pearly whites and completely warm her heart. "You're spending the night with me, right?"

Instantly, her smile flatlined and she was glad he couldn't see it. "I- I don't know," she responded. Truth was, she wasn't interested, but she didn't want to tell him that. "I guess that just depends on how you act today."

"What if I'm on my best behavior?" He curiously asked, turning to her.

His words hung in the air for a few moments. "Well then I guess we'll see," she spoke, trying to avoid answering his question.

_**ooo**_

"They're here," Zay said quietly from his place in the window as she inspected a car coming through the lone road; but being so small in a room full of talkative people and loud music, nobody heard him.

Maya, taking notice of this, stood on the counter and yelled, "Everybody shut the fuck up! They're here."

Her loud remark made the room erupt in silence as the music paused.

"Nobody says a word until he takes off his blindfold," Cara called before silently squealing, channeling a 6-year-old as she ran with Farkle towards the rest of the crowd that had gathered in the foyer.

"Okay, I thank they heard you, babe," Josh said to his clearly drunk girlfriend. "You can come down from there."

"I'm just so excited," she exclaimed as she jumped from the counter and clasped her hands with his in excitement. Isadora followed her friends and stood beside Farkle, her shoulder accidentally touched his and he flinched in response before regaining his composure.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's fine," she replied, smiling. Although the interaction was small, Isadora realized that this had been the first time they talked in over a month. It saddened her to see how far apart they've become. "Thanks again for the help. I know we called last minute."

He grinned, "It's all right. Just helping a friend."

"Shh, everyone, shh!" the blonde hissed as she giggled in her palm. She was squished in between the rest of the crowd and watched as they all turned to her.

"Nobody was talking," a girl from behind chimed.

"You're so drunk," Josh chuckled as his girlfriend buried her face in his chest with embarrassment. He missed her deeply and he was glad she hadn't changed one bit.

"I guess now's a good time to congratulate you on the Beckerson's scholarship," Farkle began, his attention on Isadora. "That's huge, I'm glad you got it."

She moistened her lips, "Thank you. I worked hard for it so it means a lot."

Lucas' voice was heard, mixing with Riley's as the couple chatted while they made their way into the house. The pale half-moon was still low in the night sky. Snakes of gray clouds slithered over it, making the light flicker. Riley's heart thumped frantically in her chest as the door creaked open, she was guiding Lucas inside and she hoped he wouldn't be able to recognize the smell of his own home.

"Now you can guess?"

"Again? I already said like fifteen different places."

"Keeping going," she advised as she smiled at the crowd in front of him. They were all quiet and the anxiety was making her heart race.

"Uhh...France?"

"France?" she questioned, "Really? I'm being serious."

"Fine," he exhaled slowly, all the guessing was making him tired. "Wouldn't it be funny if you just drove in circles and we're back in your room?"

She planted her hand on her forehead.

"We're in..." he sighed. "I honestly have no clue."

"You need to guess before you're allowed to take the blindfold off. Trust me it'll be worth it."

He still didn't know where he was. "Fuck it, we're in Paris. You finally took me up on that offer."

"We're not in Paris."

"Then we're in the city closest to Paris..."

"Hate to break it you, but we're not."

He stuck his arm out, waving the air. "Where'd you go?"

"I'm like two feet away from you," she answered before taking his hand.

After a few failed attempts and a short argument about which continent India was in, Lucas dropped his shoulders, sighing in defeat. "Babe, you better be naked when I take this off, all this guessing's got me exhausted."

"Oh my God, Lucas just take the stupid blindfold off."

"SURPRISE!" Everyone yelled.

The startled birthday boy froze in shock in the middle of the foyer, his wide eyes taking in the room full of people while Riley chuckled amusedly behind her.

"What's going on?" Lucas asked with a confused smile as everyone cheered as the music resumed.

"Happy Birthday, Lucas," Riley smiled as he turned to look at her.

Everyone came to congratulate him, his friends clowning on him and shoving him around as they circled around him. They soon picked him up and started taking him towards the center of the living room while chanting his name.

Seeing him go only brought a smile to her face. She was sure she had done her job in making him happy. She peered around the dim, black-lit room before stepping into the main living room where the rest of her friends resided and nodded in approval of the décor. "Not bad," she observed, taking in for the first time the decorations in the room.

"Told you we could do it," Isadora stated knowingly.

"Yeah, I guess you could," she mumbled in awe as she inspected the house. "Oh my gosh, who put that up," she asked, pointing to a baby picture of Lucas she couldn't see.

"That was Zay," Maya answered. "He had it printed and then we framed it when we got here."

"He looks so adorable," she said, mentally reminding herself to take a picture of it later.

Soon after, Lucas returned from the backyard after his friends got him to take a few drinks with them. His adrenaline was running high and it was obvious to the brunette he was having a good time.

"I can't believe you pulled this off," he said before taking her hands and kissing her lips. "This is amazing, Riley. Thank you."

"It's no big deal - "

"Ayee, everybody," Lucas called out. "Show some love to my girl, Riley! Wouldn't have been done if it wasn't for her!"

The entire crowd began to cheer before Lucas hugged her from behind, kissing her cheek all over.

To Riley, Lucas looked like a completely different person in this setting. He became social and capable of getting along with anybody, he was the life of the party and became a stop for entertainment. In a way, she loved this side of him, she loved his enthusiasm, but this was also the same side of him that drank too much and became hostile.

At times the only resemblance of that side of him was visible to her through his physical appearance.

"Look at his smile," the blonde said as she caught sight of her. "He's having a lot of fun and you should too. C'mon."

"No, I'm fine," she said refusing to take a drink of her beer. "I'm not drinking tonight. Someone needs to stay and clean after."

"Are you serious? You're already thinking about that? Girl, you need to chill. Have fun. And let's be honest with each other, after all this intensive planning this party might as well be yours too."

The blonde made a point. "Okay, fine. Hand it over."

"Atta girl! Drink up!" she encouraged.

Riley didn't realize it, but she needed a night to let loose. She needed to let go of her guard and have fun and what better way to do that than her boyfriend's birthday party?"

Although she knew about the picture on his phone, she had clouded the thought of Lucas cheating with uncertainty. She was no longer sure she believed it anymore.

So seeing him enjoy his birthday party fulfilled the energy she clearly lacked the night before. And that's all she ever wanted.

Plus, seeing him bounce around from conversation to conversation eliminated the thought from her head. With his perfectly sculpted jawline, emerald-green eyes, perfect yet slightly crooked nose, soft pink lips, and blonde hair, Lucas was nothing short to perfection in Riley's eyes.

And she loved him despite knowi

_**ooo**_

The music was loud as Riley walked throughout the house in search of Lucas. Currently, there were beer cans strewed everywhere, drunken and high teenagers passed out on the floor or trying to get by, and at least six couples playing tonsil hockey with each other on couches and in the pool.

She had just broken up an argument with two girls who had been been yelling at each other and watched as guys basically picked up random girls and threw them into the pool.

The party was getting wild and hard to control and she was in need of a desperate escape with Lucas; alone.

The only problem was she couldn't find him.

She tried looking for him in the living room, kitchen, study, and his room, but was unsuccessful. She asked his closest friends where he was and they told her he left to use the bathroom, so she looked into every one of them. All five of them.

She had only searched through four at the time when she decided to check the guest rooms, but in doing so she walked in on what was both a very perplexing and alarming sight.

Suddenly Riley heard a small grasp that made her heart drop in shock. She wasn't expecting to see Missy and Zay making out. His shirt was discarded on the corner of her bed as Missy's hair was tied in a bun. When he turned to her, he found they were staring back with a mixture of shock and agony, frozen in place.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." she realized she was stuck on her words. "I'm sorry," she repeated before closing the door and wishing she could mentally remove the image from her brain.

She continued her search and found herself in the kitchen again. Still no sign of Lucas, only half empty alcohol bottles and a swamp of people encouraging the other to take shots. He wouldn't leave his own birthday party she was sure, his friends also wouldn't lie to her and say he was in the bathroom when he wasn't, so that left her confused and lost.

Riley didn't know where he was.

And then, as if on cue, a strong pair of arms wrapped around her waist and kissed her temples. "Finally I found you."

"I was looking for you," she said turning around, catching the smell of his breath. The beer was strong and she could tell he had taken on too many. "Where'd you go?"

"The bathroom," he answered. "I was outside looking for you too, but you weren't there."

"That's because I was upstairs. By the way you're not gonna believe what I just saw."

"What'd you see?"

She thought about telling him, but she was sure he already knew. After all, Zay and Lucas were best friends - even though she hadn't seen them speak to each other in a really long time. "Never mind. It doesn't matter, but come with me I have something for you." She went down to grab his arm. "Trust me you want to come with me."

"Where are you taking me?" he whispered into her ear, taking her mischievous grin into account. "Oh, wait never mind I like where this is going."

They made it to his room, his heart starting to race as he wondered if Riley had finally taken his offer and decided now was the time they had sex.

When her hands went down to lock the door, he was certain she had made up her mind. He instantly brought her closer to him, kissing her passionately and lovingly.

"Hang on, there's something I need to give you first."

His eyebrows rose, his interest highly peaked.

She walked towards the opposite side of his bed, picking something up from underneath it. "Here, this is for you," she murmured, revealing and nicely wrapped box. "I really hope you like it," she continued, her hands twisting together nervously as she watched him tear the paper apart eagerly. "I know how much you like video games and I'm not gonna lie to you I had a really hard time finding it..." She looked at him with a lopsided smile. "...but when I did I just knew it was for you."

He looked into her eyes for a few seconds, their smiles matching each other's. He tore his eyes from her to look down at the gift in his hands, the open lid revealing what was inside.

"...and then I realized you had enough of them so I got you this," she added with a twinkling smile which inevitably made him smile. "It's a vinyl record," she revealed.

He picked it up and eyed the cover. "Did you customize this?"

She nodded. "It's my favorite picture of us," when he returned his gaze to the cover so did she. Her favorite picture of them was taken on the night of their one year anniversary. They went to a fall festival and in the photo they're both wearing matching sunglasses while he had an arm around her. She didn't know why she loved it so much, but she did. His reaction only made her chest tightened with warmth, and affection, and love. "I saw that you have a vinyl record machine at your house and I know you don't use it, but maybe you'll consider it now."

He kissed her nose. "This is beautiful. What kind of music is in this?"

"It's every song that reminds me of you. So whenever you listen to it, you'll know exactly how you make me feel. I had so many, but I was only allowed to choose thirteen."

He laughed softly. "This is amazing, babe. How do you come up with this? I would've never thought of this."

"I guess I'm just the queen of gifts because no one can compare. But...there's one more thing." She brought out a basket for him filled with a bunch of things he'd like. "This doesn't compare to the vinyl, but I just felt like adding something else. So I got you every single thing I've seen you use all the time. There's a cologne I got for you that I can't wait for you to wear, there's some of your favorite snacks, there's a Fireball in there," she said, casually winking in his direction, "...Snickers, those nasty Milk Duds you like, soap, beef jerkey, the rest of the songs that remind me of you and...yeah, just a lot of it."

He took the basket - and what was potentially the best gift he'd ever received - and set it down beside the bed before turning towards what he really wanted; her.

Her chest tightened again, and she could only breathe shakily as he closed the space between them, their foreheads resting together as their eyes stared deeply into each other's.

"Did you like it?" she murmured, as his nose rubbed against hers in a soft exchange.

"Yes," he whispered enchanted. "And I love you." The moment Riley gave him that certain look and pressed herself against him, he had known exactly what was about to happen.

But he was wrong. "We should go back downstairs though," she added before walking towards the door.

"W-w-w-wait," he dragged out the word, slightly running to catch up to her. "What about...?" he gestured towards the space between them.

The brunette feigned confusion.

"C'mon you can't possibly tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. Didn't you feel that tension?"

She shook her head no before caving and smiling blissfully. Just then a small yelp passed her lips as he twirled into the strong set of arms eagerly awaiting her. Instantly she melted into the embrace and reciprocated his kiss.

It felt like a fireworks show dancing in his head as he leaned in and kissed her. He had kissed her plenty before but this time in particular was different. There was passion, there was heat, there was love, and the lack of innocence that multiplied the intensity. He felt her tongue demand entry and didn't deny it. The fireworks in his head were now bursting every split second one right after the other. He had never felt like this before and he didn't want it to stop. She became a necessity in that moment and he needed her more than ever.

But all Riley kept thinking about was kissing him better than any other girl he had ever kissed. She felt the sudden need to show him what she's capable of, to show him what he was missing out on when he was asking and receiving nudes from other girls.

With a strength she didn't know she had, she pinned him against the wall and leapt to meet his lips. Lucas had never seen this side of her before nor had he ever given much thought to what it might be like. He found it strangely appealing being the submissive on trapped between an immovale object and a seemingly unmoveable force.

Against the wall he felt her every need, he felt how much she wanted him and that within itself was a bigger turn on.

Riley knew what he was trying to do. His hands were reaching places he normally wouldn't touch if all he wanted to do was make out. He kissed her differently when he wanted sex, it had been obvious for a few days now and she started to pick up on it.

She couldn't help, but wonder how many times he'd done it before; with other girls.

And with that thought the picture in her brain began to bleed and transform into an image of a nightmare. It was no longer her against the door, but Zuri tangled up in her boyfriend's arms. It was her fingers digging into his hair as he kissed her frantically, as though he would never get enough.

She squeezed her lids shut, willing the deformed memory into darkness. Now ther was only the sound of their racing hearts. She could hear him panting as they continued to grab each other in the dimly lit room. Hearing his voice moan her name like that was more than she could handle.

It became to much for her and she couldn't continue. It didn't feel right knowing she had seen a topless girl on his phone.

Her hands slid from his face to his chest as she pushed herself from their embrace. "Let's just talk," she suggested and took a seat on his bed.

"Talk?" he asked as he lightly laughed. "You really want to talk after all that kissing?"

She played with the fallen shredded basket filler on his bed. "Yeah," she nudged at him to sit down beside her, but he didn't budge. "Tak to me about your birthdays as a kid or something."

"They sucked ass compared to this one," he said before leaning down to kiss her.

Soon after, he broke the kiss and guided her head towards the center of his waist, but she pulled back. "Lucas, c'mon..."

"Riley…" he playfully said realizing she kept stopping.

"I don't think we should," she revealed.

"What are you talking about, c'mon?" he said, he didn't want to stop they were just getting started. His hands moved to unbuckle his belt, but she moved his hands away.

"Lucas, let's just go back downstairs and enjoy your party."

His expression fell and it was visible. What was once a smile had become a flat line and she was sure their two day honeymoon faze had ended. "Are you serious?" he exclaimed watching her stand up and head for the door. "I thought we were gonna… I mean… we're in my room, you locked the door."

"I just don't think I'm ready," she informed, her expression weary.

"You're not ready?" He questioned, slightly irritated. "Not even after a whole year?"

She didn't know what to say to him.

"Riley you can't keep doing this," he protested, "You can't keep playing with me like this."

"What on Earth are you talking about?"

"You make me think we're gonna have sex and when it's time to actually do it you back out. You've done this to me a few other times. And I'm not trying to rush things either and I only want this if you're comfortable, but after a while it gets -"

"Annoying?" She questioned him, partially irritated. She didn't like that he was getting upset about something like this. Even though she wasn't ready and she had probably made him think she was, he had no right to be upset about something like this.

"It's just - it's been a year, Riley. And we haven't done anything besides make out… it's just... it's boring," he expressed with so much passion she physically wanted to punch him.

"Does it really bother you this much?"

"It does," sensing she was angry with him, Lucas tried to lighten the mood. He took her hand, "You're beautiful, any guy would be lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you and yeah, I want to have sex with you, I'm a guy, I've been wanting to since forever it's just that you're never ready."

She hated that he was criticizing her for it. It was things like this that strayed her away from the possibility of ever doing anything close to it with him.

"I think I should go-" she said before being interrupted.

"Riley," he sighed.

"No, I should really go. There's nothing you can say about this to keep me from punching you, so I'm gonna leave before I do anything I'm gonna regret."

He stared into her eyes and saw the fiery glare staring back at him first hand. She was angry in a way he had rarely seen and he could tell one wrong move would send Riley's fists towards the side of his jaw. He tried to say something to her that could lighten her anger but it was no use. She had raised her hand, cutting him off before he had the chance to finish. It was like she had already made up her mind and decided to be mad; leaving him with nothing to do but let her be just that.

He quickly felt his remorse turn to anger itself and he scoffed, he scratched the back of his neck doing his best to reel in his temper. "Even on my birthday you pull some shit like this."

He never intended to come off as a jerk and the fact that Riley wasn't giving him a chance to prove himself made his blood boil. She wanted a reason to stay away from him and that was something she had a tendency of doing. She purposefully avoided him at times because she didn't want resolution and he was sure of it.

He admired her endless optimism and goofy quirks, but Riley's inability to sit through an argument that could potentially lead to conflict resolution was one of the many things that pissed him off about her.

"So now you're mad at me?" the brunette's eyebrows set in the middle of her forehead as her features wrinkled in confusion. "I wasn't the one that started complaining 'cause his dick wasn't getting sucked -"

"My god," he exclaimed, running his hand through his hair. "You know what," he scoffed, his frustration at an all time high. "Hate me for wanting to have sex on my birthday, I honestly don't care anymore. I can have any girl here with twice as less drama if I wanted it."

For a brief unguarded moment, he had seen all the pain in her face. He spat his words like venom and his intention was to hurt her, but he didn't take as much satisfaction in it as he thought he would.

His words hung in the air as she instantly regrouped, fighting through the pain; hoping she wouldn't burst into tears. It hurt to hear him speak like that, only a guy that was capable of cheating would say that and for that reason she wasn't so sure he had been faithful to her anymore. "Yeah, something tells me you would."

Spots of color appeared high on his cheeks, his skepticism giving way to something else. "If I was Charlie or Zay or maybe even Hayden we wouldn't be having this problem."

"You know what, maybe you're right? They would sure as hell know what to say at a time like this."

Lucas heaved a sigh, his shoulders sagging in defeat. Tempting as it was to lay all his anger and blame at her feet, it wouldn't be fair. He knew he was the reason they started arguing. "I'm sorry."

She exhaled slowly, determined to reel her emotions in.

She sat on his bed and he didn't know whether to join her or not. "Riley, I hate fighting with you. I fucking hate it, it breaks my heart," he swallowed the lump in his throat, "And today's supposed to be special and… can we forget about this? Can we just act like it never happened?"

"Okay," she nodded, solemnly.

He reached out, placing his hand on her shoulder with a consoling squeeze and to her surprise, she held his arm.

They sat quietly, their hands clasped with each other, afraid of saying or doing anything that could break the spell. This is what he wanted, a connection and a conversation no matter how many times they argued. He just wondered if they could have that together and that his birthday wasn't the reason she caved.

Riley got up from the bed and Lucas pulled her in for a hug they both desperately needed.

"Hey, Lucas," she whispered.

"Yeah," he met her gaze, clear brown eyes shimmering back at him.

She hugged him tighter before whispering in his ear, "If you really think I'd forgive you for some shit like this, then you're dumber than I thought."

She pushed him back in a hard shove and walked out his room, slamming the door on her way out. She wished forgiving him was an option, but after everything he had said and done that night she had grown tired and angry of him. And there was nothing he could say to fix it.

_**ooo**_

After Cara left Lucas' party, Farkle sat alone in the conservatory. He watched as couples made out within the couches ahead of him and drunken girls pass by nearly stumbling and losing their balance. He made casual conversation with the people around him, but truth was, Farkle's social meter had run out and he wasn't in the mood to party anymore. A part of him felt like staying and having fun, but the other part of him felt the need to go home; he was just looking for the right time to leave.

As he leaned his head back on the couch, boredom clearly present on his face, Farkle received a notification on his phone. The notice was linked to his Instagram.

When he opened it, he saw that someone had commented on his picture; the one of him at a library. Apparently, the person who commented wasn't too fond of it. The comment read:

**_Get a life, dork._**

He rolled his eyes and took the time to respond: **_At least I'll graduate_**

He thought about deciding against it, but the temptation was too strong and too convincing. He turned off his screen and slid his phone in his pocket, looking at Isadora who chose to sit beside him.

"Hey, Farkle."

He was stunned. Given everything they had been through and the time apart they spent apart, Farkle would've never imagined that she'd ever willingly speak to him. The entire conversation would've been awkward, but he wondered why she chose to talk to him now. "H-hi."

"Why are you not hanging out with the rest of us," she asked him.

He smiled. Something about her realizing he wasn't with the rest of the gang made him feel happy, almost appreciated. "Just taking time by myself," he said to her.

"You can do that with us, c'mon," she reached for his hand and tried to pull him, but he stayed on his seat. "You're not coming."

"Just give me a minute," he spoke lamely.

"What's wrong?"

Even though the recent comment on his phone didn't bother him, he still felt the need to show Isadora. He was sure she would say something that would immediately make him feel better.

When she read the message, she turned to look at him. "At least you got him back."

"Guess I did."

"But if I'm honest, he's not completely wrong," she began. When he turned in her, she took out her phone and motioned for him to scoot in next to her. She started showing him the pictures he posted on his social media. "You only ever post about school and the library."

"So?" he asked, not understanding what she was trying to say.

"You do more interesting stuff, Farkle," she reminded him. "You're at a party right now so why are you not posting about this? You live in a literal penthouse with a built-in movie theater and a toy train that drives around your room and you never show it off."

"Well, that's true, but..."

"Here," she said before taking his phone and flipping through his apps. "We're gonna take a picture together, and you're gonna smile; you're having fun."

She raised his phone just in front of them and he did as told. When she took the picture, she looked at him for approval and handed it back to him, "Now, post that, take some more with friends, and Cara when you get the chance. Have fun, Farkle, and share it with the world!"

There was something about the way she said that. He hadn't been given advice that warming and comforting and it made him think back to the times they were boyfriend and girlfriend. "Thank you, Isadora."

"You're welcome. Now get your ass up and come dance with me, okay? Your girlfriend left you, but your friend is still here. And she's getting bored."

The touch of her hand on his made his heartbeat with a familiarity he hadn't felt in a while. In fact, he didn't think he could feel something so electric anymore. It was in that moment that he realized that Isadora looked beautiful, and not just in the way a friend would say to another, but in the way, a boyfriend would say to his girlfriend.

And that's when he realized he wasn't completely over her. He knew dancing with Isadora while he still had feelings for her and a girlfriend he was happy dating, wasn't a good idea.

But he couldn't say no. He didn't want to say no.

"Just let me post this picture and we'll dance the night away..."

She smiled at him. "Find me downstairs.".

**_ooo_**

To get away from Lucas, Riley decided to hide from him outside in the patio. The last thing she wanted was to be around him because of everything that had happened in his room and she was certain he would come looking for her.

So she declared his treehouse her designated hiding area.

She knew that would be the last place he would go looking for her because he hadn't been there in years. The last time he used it he was in middle school and stayed there to play with his older brother.

As the years passed, the treehouse went unused and eventually became forgotten.

And that's exactly where she was.

Except she wasn't expecting to see Charlie.

On any other given day, she would've turned on her heels and walked away. Charlie had broken her heart in the past and she never dared to speak to him again, but the anxiety of running into Lucas after their argument outweighed the unresolved and haunting issues she and Charlie left behind.

He sat on the stairway staring out into the party infront of him. As she stood there watching she couldn't help, but notice how comtemplative he looked. It was as if though he was thinking of something.

"Mind if I join you?" the brunette asked.

He turned to look at her, slightly stunned that she was talking to him. "Yeah, c'mon," he said before patting the seat next to him. "It's all yours."

As she neared him, the intense smell of weed went in through her nose. The smell was heavy, but anything was better than being near Lucas. "Hey."

"Hi," he greeted.

Sitting beside him didn't feel as weird as she thought it would. She expected an awkward silence but it was far from that.

"Dope party by the way."

"Thank you," she allowed the light gust of wind to pass by before she could say anything. "Why aren't you inside with everybody else?"

"I was," he explained, "I just came outside to smoke. Needed a little break."

She nodded understandingly.

Riley wished she could forget about her argument with Lucas but the thought occassionally crossed her head. There was something about him that made everything else in her life seem unimportant, it was like he was her main priority and every argument of there's outweighed every single obstacle in her life.

She hated it.

She wished she could have fun, even when their relationship wasn't in the brightest place.

But how could she?

In one week, Riley had learned that Lucas was receiving nudes from other girls and that he was growing impatient with the lack of sex in their relationship. Everything about it made her dilemma much worse.

She decided to go through with his birthday party because she was still in shock. She couldn't believe what she had found in his found and if she was entirely honest, she wasn't sure she believed it.

But as time went by, her certainty in his fidelity wavered.

It was as if one moment she believed he was faithful, and the next she wanted to yell at him for doing something as terrible as that.

She thought that his birthday party would be an escape. A day where she could forget about it, but she was wrong. Lucas had been trying to have sex with her all night and she couldn't go through with it. A few days ago she was confident and ready to take that next step with him, but then that changed.

She wished he could make things easy, she wished for the courage to confront him, but she couldn't.

She couldn't and she hated herself for it.

Her love for him overpowered everything else and even though she wasn't a hundred percent certain whether he did or didn't ask for those pictures, Riley felt she could forgive him for it.

"Here, something tells me you can use a hit of this," Charlie said, offering his blunt. Her contemplative state was distracting her from having fun and he wanted to help her out of it. "Do you want to try it?"

Her eyes narrowed in on the object in his hand with a shocking expression. Growing up, her parents had told her to stay away from any kind of recreational drug imaginable, she was also educated about all the dangers of smoking and how it could lead to future kinds of experimentation, but there was something about his offer that wasn't exactly making her want to say no.

Was it really as bad as adults made it out to be? She thought. She'd seen it happen all around her and although she's never been tempted to try it before, she knew that the dangers of marijuana could not compare to that of tobacco and nicotine. If she was going to try it, it wasn't going to be because she was trying to look cool or fit in, she would be trying it because she had been through a lot in the past couple of weeks that she was willing to feel anything other than dread and sadness. She hoped the weed could play it's part and temporarily replace all her pain inside. She reached over for it and held it between her index and middle fingers. For a moment's second she could feel herself begin to double think her decision, but she had brought the joint to her lips before she could change her mind.

She blew a small cloud of smoke into the open air before releasing a light cough.

"It takes a minute," he chuckled, "But you'll get used to it."

"It's not as bad as I thought," she confessed handing it back to him.

The silence lasted a while and Riley was sure things were slowly turning awkward. She was ready to walk away, but Charlie said something she wasn't expecting.

"I know it's probably too late, but I just wanted to stay I'm sorry for bailing on our date. I fucked up, Riley. You're a good girl, you didn't deserve to go through what I put you through."

She was stunned to hear it, but it made her smile. "You're right, I didn't," she stated firmly. "But... I'm not mad anymore. It happened a long time ago."

He handed the blunt back to her, establishing a pattern.

"So we good?" he asked.

She turned to look at him, even though his eyes were blood red and half closed, Riley didn't hold any grudge against him. She had Lucas and even though they weren't on good terms, he filled a hole in her life she didn't know she had.

Had things worked out between Charlie, she wouldn't have dated Lucas.

And she wouldn't have fell in love and found a meaningful relationship.

"Yeah, we're good."

"Dope."

Now that the tension between them had cleared and they had forgotten about their issues in the past, Riley felt comfortable asking him something she had noticed in Charlie and Lucas' friendship. It had been on the corner of her mind and she had dismissed it many times, but now felt like a good time to bring it up. "I'm not gonna lie to you, I was surprised you came...I haven't seen you around Lucas lately."

He didn't say anything for a while.

"Just out of curiousity, did you guys have a fall out? I've noticed that he hasn't really been spending much time with you guys lately and he rarely talks to me about these kinds of stuff..."

"We didn't have a fall out..." Charlie informed.

"Then, why didn't you guys hang out for the longest time? I mean something must've happened right? I know that you guys hung out recently, but before that something happened, right?"

Charlie didn't want to lead her onto anything. He knew how Lucas felt about these kinds of things and he didn't want to start any problems between them, especially when the information she was searching for would most likely cause it.

"I know you guys didn't stop hanging out for no reason. You guys were super close."

"There's a reason," he confirmed, "I just don't think I should tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because if he wanted you to know he would tell you," Charlie answered.

Riley stayed quiet and thought. Charlie was right. Lucas would've told her something like this and the fact that he didn't only confirmed something happened. And she wanted to know why. "You can tell me...I mean it's not like I'm gonna tell him."

Charlie contemplated it, he wasn't so sure if he could trust her. "I don't know, Riley. If he finds out...it won't be good. You know how he can get when he finds out things aren't going his way, he has temper and he can be impulsive."

He was right. "Is it bad?" she asked, needing to know.

They stared at each other for a few seconds and for the first time in a long time, Riley was able to see why she had a crush on him a few years back. Even though they were having a simple discussion and didn't really know each other too well, Riley could see that he was capable of being extremely charming and kind.

"Fuck it," Charlie caved. "I should just tell you. You deserve to know."

Her face fell lose the second she realized she was going to get the information she had been searching for. She wasn't sure if she could take anymore news from Lucas, but her need to know was huge.

If anything there couldn't be any news about Lucas that could make her hate him as much as she already did.

"The reason Lucas and I haven't been as tight with each other is because he told me to stay away from you," he took a hit of his blunt and exhaled, releasing a cloud of smoke. "He cut ties with me the second he found out about us."

Riley looked away when the weight of realization hit, "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. How long has this has been going on for...?"

"Shit," Charlie expressed once he started to think about the length of it, "Probably a year. Yeah," he said, sure of himself. "It's gotta be."

The brunette rolled her eyes, "I don't know why he does this."

"He told Zay too. We talked about it right after we just assumed he was upset for some reason, but then he just stopped talking to us. We're cool and all, I mean we went to the gym recently, but lowkey - deep down - I know he'd beat the shit out of me if I said something that upset him."

Riley shook her head no, she wouldn't let it happen. "I'll talk to him."

Charlie looked at her doubtfully, "I say this with all respect Riley, but you haven't see a fraction of the shit he's capable of."

With everything she knew about Lucas, she was sure Charlie's statement stood. She'd seen Lucas say some hurtful things, at times she felt like that's all she'd hear him say.

Afterall, they were talking about the guy that's punched holes in her room - the holes she has covered with old Hannah Montana posters so her parents won't find out. She's seen the aftermath of Lucas physically fighting his own dad and for some reason, it didn't surprise her if he was capable of much worse. "How do you know that?" she questioned him challengingly.

"...because you're still with him."

They stayed quiet for a second and Riley took the joint out of his hand. At times she didn't even think she knew her own boyfriend. That was the second person that had told her that, the first being none other than Missy Bradford.

She thought Missy was lying to her at the time, but now she was sure Missy had told her the truth. And that Missy knew what Lucas had done.

She must've, Riley thought. Missy had been the first to show her evidence that Lucas wasn't the guy she thought he was. Missy provided the audio recording of what appeared to be Lucas making out with another girl and even then Riley had disregarded it. She ignored it because she didn't want to believe it, but the more she learned about him the more impossible it became to keep it all to herself.

"Riley," Lucas called to her. He had spent the past ten minutes searching for her and he was relieved he finally had. She turned to look at him and quickly handed the joint back to Charlie, but it was too late, Lucas had seen. "Can we talk for a bit?"

She wanted to object, but she didn't. "Yeah. Bye Charlie."

"Later Riley."

_**ooo**_

Lucas led her to his room once again. They were back inside the same place they had argued just a few minutes before and she wasn't sure how long she could be in there with him. There was something about seeing her present for him discarded on his bed that upset her even more.

"Charlie, really?" Lucas questioned closing the door behind her.

Riley wanted to argue with him, but she didn't have the strength and energy to do so.

"Look," he said taking her hand. He knew she was upset with him and he didn't have another chance to get her to forgive him, so he was trying his best to be patient and gentle. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Riley felt her eyes water at the tone in his voice. After a long day of arguing with him, hearing his soft and tender voice reminded her of how kind and nurturing he really was. She felt like curling up against him and holding him, crying so that he could make all her angst and pain go away. But she couldn't. She couldn't cry to him because that would mean they would need to have a deep discussion about it, and she wasn't sure she could do that with him.

"Can you forgive me, please?"

Lucas stared at her intensely, his plead could potentially open the door to mending their relationship and he desperately needed for it to work. On the outside he was calm and collected but on the inside his every atom began to vibrate with an anxious energy.

Riley wished she could forgive him, but after everything, she was overwhelmed with what she knew. She needed at least a day to be upset with him, and away from him. "I want to... I just... I can't today."

Lucas blinked absently before his face fell. He wanted to scream in frustration, but he couldn't. That would only worsen things and he could already tell all the arguing had taken an affect on Riley. He had noticed that she began wiping the tears from her face. "Hey," his eyes narrowed as he studied his girlfriend's expression. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is," Riley said shaking her head. She was attempting to assure the blonde, but the tone in her voice betrayed her. Before she might have been able to get away, but not anymore.

There was still concern in his eyes. He knew there was more than she was saying. It was why she'd lowered her gaze. He thought at first that she was sad over one of their arguments, but seeing her with Charlie only sparked an interest that he needed to ask about.

"What were you and Charlie talking about back there?"

_About you telling them to stay away from me,_ Riley thought.

She shook her head, refusing to tell him. "It was nothing."

"So you getting high with him was nothing too?" he asked. His patience running low.

Riley looked away, she knew he would bring it up. "Actually, that's just none of your business," she remarked with enough attitude to make a statement.

He took a step back, "None of my business? You're getting high with your ex, the same guy who stood you up, and you think it's none of my business?"

She nodded.

"Riley, why are you acting like this? You did that to get me mad - "

"I didn't get high to get you mad. I got high to forget about you. And why are you even mad? It's not like you've been so sober and unaware of the weed I was smoking?" she questioned, "I smell it on you all the time. You're car is filled with it."

He gulped, "Riley - "

"Lucas, yo, you gotta check this out - " his friend Cameron exclaimed running into his room.

"Not now, Cameron, now's not a good time," he interjected.

"It's kind of important."

"What?" he asked frustratedly, "What is it?"

"There's these guys from Liberty High and they're kind of fucking up the place. Just say the word the guys and I will handle it."

"No, no, you'll end up breaking shit, just - " he took a deep breath and turned to Riley, "Please, just don't go anywhere. I'm gonna go take care of this and I'll be back. Okay? Can you promise?"

Riley stared at him sternly, she was tired of him and she didn't care to admit it. "Just go."

He gave her a slight nod, signaling he was grateful she was willing to wait.

The music faded behind him as he walked away and closed the doors. Once he was gone, Riley plopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Their relationship, as she knew it, was slowly falling apart.

_**ooo**_

Farkle's conversation with Isadora left him feeling a sensation he thought had sailed long ago. He thought that his relationship with Cara had taken those feelings for Isadora out of existence, but he was wrong.

He still felt something for her and he didn't know what to do. He'd never had feelings for two girls at the same time before and it all left him feeling overwhelmed and confused.

Isadora was his first love, his first everything and he would never forget her. But she had made it clear that they were over when her dad walked in on them. She completely cast him out and remained her distance even when she didn't need to and it broke his heart.

But he loved her nontheless.

Cara, on the other hand, provided new beginnings. He loved the way she made him feel and if he was honest, they were a bit more excitng and exilerating than everything he had done with Isadora.

He just couldn't understand why his new feelings for Isadora kept crossing his thoughts - it felt as though he wanted it.

Just then the loud ringing of his phone rang sharply though his pockets as he stepped away from the crowded living room. Riley and Lucas' party was huge and he needed to be somewhere quiet to hear the person who had called him. Clumsily grabbing his phone out of his pocket Farkle strained his eyes towards the harsh glint of light shining off of it. "Cara? Hey, what's up?" he said as he answered the phone call.

Cara's voice replied clear and panicked, "Hey, you need to come over! Something terrible happened."

The sheer terror in her voice was palpable even through the phone. He knew he needed to act fast. "Okay, just text me your address and I'll be there in five. Whatever it is don't move or do anything stupid, promise?" A hurried promise from Cara echoed thorough the phone as Farkle hung up and sped away.

True to what he said Farkle arrived at her house within five minutes of ending their phone call. When he stepped out of his car, he walked towards the blonde who was standing in her front yard. The first thing she did was throw her arms around him and release a light laugh, when she was satisfied she slowly lowered her arms and turned so she was facing him.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked.

Cara, sounding only slightly calmer than she had been on the phone, answered her, "It happened in my backyard, c'mon. You won't believe it."

They made it to her backyard and all Farkle could see was a decorated trellis and patio lights. They were standing in a garden surrounded by olive trees and dotted with large, exotic shrubs with flowers of vivid pink and red. They were nicely blooming surrounding the entire backyard and in the center was a bench with a few blankets on top of it. Farkle was confused, he expected there to be something extreme, but it only looked peaceful. "I don't get it, I thought you said..." his voice trailed off when he saw that she was smiling intensively. "What's going on?"

She started laughing, "I'm an amazing actress, aren't I?" she asked curiously before wrapping her arms around his waist, "I'm a little turned on by how quick and protective you can be."

"You made me think you were in danger," he hugged her close, "Why am I here?"

"Because I was sad I had to leave early, so I figured why don't we have our own little party? Just the two of us, in my nicely decorated garden?" The smell of blooming flowers flooded the cold air. Diana breathed in and out, feeling relaxed.

He smiled at the idea, "So there's no emergency? Nothing terrible?"

She shook her head no, "I lied. I needed you to get here super fast so I pretended I was in danger. What do you think of my performance?"

"I think you just won an Oscar," he revealed before kissing her.

_**ooo**_

Riley had grown tired of waiting for Lucas on his bed. She had time to think while he was always and the only confusion she could bring herself to realize was that she felt like an idiot waiting for him to come back and fix what was already a dying relationship.

She knew time was the only thing capable in this world that could mend their relationship. Time away from him would certainly allow her to miss him and when she missed him she was capable of forgiving anything. And that was something she was capable of letting herself do.

And due to the given circumstances, her patience was wearing low. So she got up and left his room.

She decided to find Maya and Josh who she was sure would provide a lot more fun than Lucas was able to. Her plan was simple, ignore Lucas all day and stick with Josh and Maya like a leech.

But plans aways change.

On her way down the stairs, Riley was stunned to see Lucas talking to the girl who had sent him nudes. She recognized her face and her smile and was a hundred percent certain it was her. Their gestures when talking to each other only let Riley know that they were close and comfortable with each other. Which only confirmed the possibility that they knew each other, which established a motive for her to send him those kinds of photos.

And the reason they had exchanged a few text messages was because they were flirting with each other. It had to have been nobody spoke to each other the way they did and sent those kinds of photos if they were more than friends.

And the thought of Lucas doing something like that behind her back was too much for her to handle.

She felt herself grow numb and weak and she didn't know what to do. All she could do was stare. She thought she was capable of forving him if she had time to herself, but the physical act of seeing them together, talking like what seemed to be a decent conversation, made Riley's blood boil in ways it never had before. The only logical conclusion she could draw and act on was: going home.

She turned away the second Lucas laid eyes on her. The look on his face, the one of worry and fear, only confirmed her suspicion. Lucas would only react like that if there was something to hide.

She started to walk back to his room to grab her purse, the only thing she needed to be was away from him.

**_ooo_**

"Alright, this is getting boring," Maya said to Josh as they stood in the kitchen. The blonde was beginning to feel as though the party had reached a plateau and the excitement was dying down.

There was no way she was going to let a party she had spent hours decorating go to waste so she grabbed the nearest bottle of tequila and sauntered towards the living room before calling out, "Everyone listen up!"

The crowd around her turned their heads in the blonde's direction, looks of skepticism passing through their faces. Wondering why she had called out so loudly.

Josh's face mirrored their own blank expression. "This can't be good," he whispered.

"We need to get fucked up drunk in order to have fun," she revealed before taking a seat, "So we're going to play a game of 'Never Have I Ever.'"

The people interested in playing sat beside her, including Missy; a girl Maya Hart wasn't too fond of.

Soon the living room was huddled by eager teenagers ready to play and get drunk and by others who were interested in what was about to go down.

The funny thing was, Maya's plan to get drunk and liven the party had easily shifted into something else the second she saw her best friends arch nemesis. Instead, she was interested in sucking enough information out of Missy to embarass her.

"We know how to play, right?" she asked the crowd, "One person says something they've never done and the people who have done it has to drink."

"We're gonna get wasted, then," Jacob, one of Lucas' friends, said aloud, causing a few scattered laughs to fill the circle.

"It's honestly simple," Maya continued, "The hardest part is thinking of something you've never done to get the others to take a shot. And if you're somehow the only one who drinks, well then you have a story to explain. Got it?"

The crowed nodded.

"You also can't aim a question directly at someone. Or else that would be cheating," Missy added, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Is it?" Maya casually asked with a grin in place, "I'll go first. Never have I ever...been jealous of somebody else? So much that I dedicate the rest of my life to ruining there's?"

The blonde's twinkling eyes stared Missy down. She had intentionally aimed her question at her in hopes of seeing her take a drink, but she never did. When she noticed this, she released a light scoff. Anyone from a mile away could tell that Missy only hated Riley because Riley had everything she ever wanted. "All right, I have a feeling some of you guys aren't being honest."

Josh turned to look at her. On the outside, it looked like she was playing an innocent party game, but he knew she was boiling with curiosity on the inside.

"So I'll ask again, never have I ever been jealous of somebody else?" Just then, a handful of people amongst the crowd drank from their cups, including Missy. "That's more like it."

"My turn," the brunnete revealed, catching onto Maya's scheme. "Never have I ever gone through my boyfriend's texts messages...and then lied about it?"

Maya picked up the alcohol on the center table and took a drink out of it. Leaving a very confused Josh to wonder when she had the chance to lurk through his texts.

"Okay," Isadora chimed in, "I'll go next. Never have I ever secretly made out with one of my friend's boyfriend."

Missy looked around the group of her peers, feeling confident in herself. After all, chances were this was the last time they'd remember anything she had to confess. She raised her cup and took a sip. Her eyes, one again, intensely on the blonde.

"Would you look at that?" the blonde said, a wide smirk plastered on her face. "You're the only one who drank which means you have some explaining to do. And please, don't spare the details. We want to know every last drop."

Missy looked around the group of teens slowly. Their eyes were glued to hers and she felt herself go numb. She didn't expect to be the only one, but now that she had, she felt embarassed. She picked up her things and walked away, leaving behind a very accomplished Maya and Isadora.

The blonde tapped her bottle against Isdora's plastic cup in cheer and they laughed in excitement.

"C'mon, you guys didn't need to do that. She just wanted to play," Josh said to the both of them. He didn't know why he felt bad for her, but he did.

"She should've known better. Plus, that's the same person that has made Riley feel small all these years. It's about time she gets a taste of her own medicine."

"Agreed," Maya chimed. "Bitch can't take a hit."

"I have one," said one of the participants, who to his liking had enjoyed the entertainment, "Never have I ever kissed someone from the same-sex..."

To his amazement, a lot of the people around him took a drink of their beer.

Including Maya and Josh.

"When did you kiss a guy?" the blonde asked her boyfriend with complete curiousity.

"It was part of my sorority," he informed. "I had to kiss a guy at a gay bar to be recruited."

Maya nodded understandingly. She wasn't against it at all, considering the first time she had kissed a girl was to practice for her actual kiss with a boy. "Was he cute?" she asked, jokingly.

"Well," Josh said catching on to her banter, "I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he might've one upped you... he also might've been the better kisser."

Maya laughed. She loved his quorkiness and his goofiness, it made him more attractive to her. She also knew he was joking and that his sense of humor was just a bright as his confidence.

She turned to Isadora, who was sitting beside her. "We're gonna tell Riley all about this."

"Already sending her the text..."

_**ooo**_

The brunette rushed into his room to get her stuff. She felt like breaking his presents while she was at it, but she didn't have the heart to do so. She was too hurt and too sad to do anything like it.

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, walking inside.

"I want to go home," she stated. She turned around to look at him, she could see he was frustrated and annoyed but he was trying to be sincere.

"Home? Why do you want to go home? You were perfectly fine a few minutes ago. We were going somewhere - "

"Where?" she questioned, "'cause we certainly weren't reaching an agreement."

He ran a hand through his hair, giving up on trying to reason with her. "Riley something's wrong, something bugging you I know it is, and I need to know now."

She scoffed, if only she had the courage to tell him he wouldn't be so demanding as he is now.

"You're right there is," she challenged him. She was ready to yell at him and tell him she knew about the nudes and the text messages, but she bit her tongue. "I'm just tired," she lied. "And I want to go home."

"Riley," his voice was soft like velvet and he spoke like this everytime he wanted to work something out with her. Because of this, she was confident he would say something that would fix everything. "...babe, you can't just throw me this super dope party and then want to leave early - "

She pushed him away from her, upset that he would say something so stupid and meaningless. "You know what, Lucas? I can, and I am. So you either take me home or I ask someone else for a ride? It's up to you."

He felt like punching the nearest wall, upset at the fact that Riley wasn't willing to talk to him and work out an argument on his birthday. She was stubborn and impatient and he didn't know how to handle that side of her. Leaving him with no choice, but to comply. "I got you," he said before stepping back, "Just let me get my keys."

The ride home was quiet, Lucas tried to talk to her like nothing happened, but she was too angry and to upset to say anything to him. He was careless and stupid at times and there were moments when she wanted to hit him with the heel of her boot.

But just like aways, Riley remained her composure and bottled in her anger.

The only thing she wantd was to be away from him.

The car stopped in front of her house and Riley knew she was seconds away from being free of him. She wouldn't need to talk to him anymore and nothing felt greater than that.

She opened the door and stepped out. When Lucas was getting ready to say goodbye to her, she slammed the door on him and walked away; not wanting to hear what he was going to say next.

Riley was sure the guilt would start kicking in in a few days, her heart would ache and she would feel the desparate need to call him and be near him, but as of now, as she walked away from him, she was only sorry she had to do that on his birthday.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Next update will be May 5th so stayed tuned. That will be the chapter in which Riley confronts Lucas about the whole cheating thing. Ahhh, so excited for you guys to read that!**

**Stay safe, ya'll. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	17. 16: Are You Cheating On Me?

**A/N: Important Rucas chapter you guys won't want to miss. I spent a lot of time with this one because it is the chapter Riley confronts Lucas so let me know what you guys think after reading. Thank you, guys!**

**Guest: awwww thanks so much. Love you. **

**Hey: Isadora and Maya's friendship with Riley is the healthiest relationship on the show. They're an amazing friendship I love them. And I think it's time we all see a little bit of Riley putting her foot down for once. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 16**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**_ooo_**

The warm sun shone through the window and into Lucas' bedroom. He sleepily rubbed his eyes and sat upward, groaning at the start of a new day. After stretching out his arms and yawning, he crawled out of his bed. He could already tell that today would be slow, like all the days this past week had been.

An entire week had passed since their argument and she hadn't said a word to him. No matter his efforts, the brunette found a way to give him the cold shoulder. She refused to see him or be near him. She canceled on all their plans and rarely texted him which resulted in a very bored Lucas. Instead of following his normal routine of spending time with her at school and driving her home after, he kept to himself and contemplated ways she could forgive him.

Riley made it clear she was still upset with him and he did his best to get out of her hair, at first. He thought it would be easy but he was wrong.

Not talking to her or being near her made his day a thousand times longer than it needed to be. And no matter what he did to cope with it, his days still felt long and boring.

He sauntered into his bathroom and took a quick shower. Once he was out, he opted for Nike sweatpants and a white shirt. Aside from his days being long and boring, school was just as dreadful, especially when he didn't have Riley by his side. He knew he could've hung out with Zay and Charlie to ease his boredom, but ever since he caught Charlie spending time with Riley at his birthday party, the guy had rubbed him off the wrong way.

So he didn't talk to them. He didn't care to talk to them.

He only wanted Riley and the longer he waited to speak with her, the farther he was from fixing the rift that had been keeping her away from him. He tried talking to her at school, but she had somehow found a way to avoid him. Whenever he'd ask Maya or Isadora where she had gone off to, they'd shrug their shoulders and say they hadn't seen Riley. He knew she was going to school he just didn't know where to find her at times and it frustrated him.

So he decided to do things the old fashion way and write a letter.

He knew it would take a lot more than words to make things right, but it was a start, and he needed to start somewhere. He was sure this gesture would be enough after all Riley was a sucker for thoughtful letters.

And she loved the simplest of things.

He went to school the next day determined to give it to her, he would stop her in her tracks and ask why she'd been avoiding him, they'd argue like usual and he'd let the letter do the explaining, and soon all would be forgiven and things would go back to normal.

Except that never happened because he never got the chance to see her. He didn't want to hand Maya or Isadora the letter because they'd start to suspect something was wrong and he didn't want that. It'd only upset Riley even more if he brought her friends into it.

So the letter sat in his backpack for a few days. He carried it from beginning bell to the end of the day, refusing to leave it in his locker in case he'd run into her. Each day that went by without its delivery felt a little heavier on him, he feared that the letter would read a little less sincere and soon the gesture would turn obsolete. If he could just find her and give it to her, he could begin the long road of making amends.

So, acting on impulse - and a little bit of liquid courage - Lucas made the abrupt decision to go to her house. He knew her parents were away and he jumped at the opportunity. She could avoid him at school, but in the comfort of her home, she couldn't.

She wouldn't leave and the chances of her kicking him out were huge, but he didn't care. It was something and he was desperately willing to try.

When he knocked on her door, his anxiety running it's course, he contemplated what kind of insults she would muster to hurt his feelings. He thought he could handle them, but standing a few feet away from him showed him otherwise.

The door opened and he didn't hesitate to barge into her house. If he had waited for a second longer she would've slammed the door on his face and the trip would've been for nothing.

He turned around to look at her, she was telling him to leave her house, but he didn't care. He was only interested in her forgiveness.

He glanced up just in time to see her brown orbs stare expectantly at him. This was the moment of opportunity that he had been waiting for. This one conversation could potentially open the door to mending their relationship. He expected this to fill him with joy and reassurance, but it didn't. Instead, he found himself stumbling on his words, searching for the right way to speak to her. He wished he could hand her the letter but he forgot to bring it. He thought he could apologize to Riley without it, but he was wrong.

It wasn't as easy to do things when he really cared about the outcome.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. The sound of her voice felt so new and comforting he could practically kiss her.

"I want to apologize." In the past Lucas would get Riley to forgive him by telling her things she wanted to hear; even though he didn't really mean them. But this time he was sorry. He was sorry for getting upset with her when she didn't want to have sex and he was sorry for arguing with her after she threw him the best birthday party ever. He just didn't know how to convince her now that he really cared. "This distance thing is killing me. It's been really tough and I miss you, okay? I fucking miss you."

His words sounded like velvet. They sounded so promising yet painful and she wanted to hold him, but every time she thought about it, the picture of Zuri popped up in her head, reminding her that Lucas had done something she never thought he would. "Please, just go."

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, his eyes pleading for a chance. "I get that you're upset with me. I said some stupid things I know that, but whatever's on your mind that you're not telling me about is why you're really mad. Riley...please."

His forehead touched hers and Riley felt like caving.

"Please..."

"Lucas, you need to leave."

"I don't want to leave."

The tears in her eyes trailed down her cheeks. Everything about him at that moment screamed he was sorry, but Riley couldn't forgive him. "Leave."

"I'm sorry, okay? And I'm here to make things right between us because that's what boyfriend's do when they're sorry. When they're so in love with their girlfriend that they're not afraid to admit they're hurt and desperate for forgiveness."

She turned away from him and broke from their embrace. Lucas was sure something was bothering her. Whatever it was, it was major because the old Riley would've caved. She would've forgiven him no matter the insult he said.

"What is it?" he questioned her, "What happened? Whatever it is it's fucking our relationship Riley and I can't fix it unless you tell me."

She stared at him solemnly, the tears still in her eyes, and in that moment Lucas felt like he was looking at a stranger. Like whatever she was refusing to tell him was so severe and threatening.

"Can you just tell me what it is? I know something's bothering you and it's not fair that you're keeping it from me. I'm trying to work this out and you're not letting me. Just, please, Riley...please." Lucas said. It almost came out like a plea, he waited for a few moments but got no answer. He shook his head in frustration, starting to worry in a way he hadn't before.

A tear trailed down her cheek and she wiped it away. "Can you go? Please?"

"I don't want to leave - "

"Get out of my house," she said to him, this time her voice was firm and intentionally demanding.

"I'm not leaving - "

"Get out of my fucking house!" she exclaimed.

He slammed his hand on her desk in an agitated manner. His patience wearing thin, "You're making shit difficult! Just fucking talk to me."

"Then tell me who's Zuri!" she'd never yelled at somebody as loud as she had yelled at him. All her anger and strength had gone into those words that by the time she was done, she felt numb and dizzy; almost like she could faint. "...and tell me why she's sending you nudes."

That question had sliced through his every thought and distraction. He could physically feel his heart drop to his stomach and that's when Lucas knew how it felt to be caught. He now knew how it felt to be completely fucked and hopeless. He'd gotten away with it so many times with so many different girls that he never felt the need to worry about it, but then again...none of those girls were Riley. Cautiously, he glanced up at the brunette. Her lips were parted, as though she wanted to speak and ask another question, but couldn't find the words.

"I..." he paused, clearly stunned. He took a step back, looking guiltier than sin itself.

"Lucas..." his reaction hadn't exactly changed her mind. Everything felt like it was falling apart and she knew she would get her feelings hurt, but she needed to know. "Why did she send you those pictures?"

He was at a loss for words, Riley could tell. She'd never seen him so stunned and clearly overwhelmed with shock that the only thing he could do was stare at her.

The longer he stayed quiet, the more and more Riley believed he had done the unthinkable.

"Riley..."

"Why did she send you those pictures?" she repeated. She wished she could stop herself from crying, but she couldn't. They poured out on an endless loop she had no control over.

"How did you find out?"

She let out a sigh of helpless irritation, upset that he wouldn't answer her question. "That's not what you should be asking right now. That doesn't fucking matter. What matters is that she sent you nudes! Why did she send you her nudes?!"

"Riley...those weren't meant for me - "

"You're lying! I know what I saw, Lucas. I saw your text messages. I know that was you, they sounded just like you!"

His heart felt like it was jumping against his ribs. He'd never seen her so broken and so angry with him as a result of something he had done. The way she was staring at him, so hopelessly and lost, made him feel terrible. His next words wouldn't make him feel great either.

"It was only one picture."

His confession knocked her senseless. She felt a wave of pain flash over her and for a second she felt like falling. She looked at him with big puffy eyes. Tears were running down her cheeks and her nose was stuffed. She knew exactly where this was going and she didn't like it at all. She didn't like it in the least bit.

"Are you cheating on me?" she asked him, brokenly. The words themselves rolling off her tongue didn't feel right. She never thought she'd find herself asking this to someone, let alone Lucas.

When she looked at him, she could still remember the day he asked her out. She could still remember their one month anniversary, she could still remember their first "I love you's" and their first kiss, it was all so memorable to her.

And it had all been shattered by one thing.

By one simple nod.

In a single gesture, Lucas had confirmed a week of suspicion and pain. He confirmed the unthinkable and all Riley could feel was her heart shatter. He had cheated on her with somebody else and she was sure nothing would ever be the same between them.

"But it's not in the way you think. We never met. We only talked in person one time and you saw it, I promise you it was just meaningless pictures and text messages. I promise."

"How did it start?" she asked, wanting to know every detail. "I want to know."

He didn't want to tell her at first, but keeping all these secrets from her would do him no good. It would only make Riley hate him more than she already did. "Zuri dm'ed me. She said I was cute and that she'd seen me around school and she wanted to talk. I asked for her number and we just started texting from there. A few weeks in she said she had feelings for me and that she wanted to date me. I told her we couldn't. That's it. But Riley you need to know that it meant nothing to me. It meant nothing."

"How do I know that?"

"Because I love you - "

"If that were true then you wouldn't have done any of this! You would've told me the second she texted you!"

"I wanted to, but... but I didn't and I'm sorry."

She hadn't stared at him with such disappointment before. She never she knew she could, but after what he'd done to her she found herself doing it without a care in the world. He looked sorry, he seemed sad and terrified, but she didn't care. She was far too angry to care about his feelings. "Why did you flirt with her? Huh? Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know why I did it - "

"Yes, you do!" she yelled at him. He must've known in order to constantly do it.

He stayed quiet. He played with his fingers because he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was okay anymore and he was scared that even a glance in her direction would make her even more upset.

"When did it start?"

"It's been a few months," he answered. Even hearing him say these things made him realize how wrong it was from the start. He was terrified by the things Riley would say to him and what this would mean for their relationship.

"A few months?" she asked him. She was hurt and it was obvious, but then again she wasn't trying to hide the fact that she was. "Did you ever send her any pictures of yourself too or...? Any nudes I don't know about?"

He nodded. He'd done it and he wasn't proud of himself.

Riley wanted to yell at him. She hated the fact that she was finding out all these things about him.

"I know how it sounds. But Riley, believe me, babe. We never did anything besides that. We never had sex, we never kissed, we never did anything as bad as that."

"You flirted with her behind my back, Lucas! And you never told me about it! That shows you were attracted to her, that you cared about her when you shouldn't - "

"I didn't care about her -" They hadn't been as close as he and Riley or he and anyone really. They'd often text each other and laugh, but he didn't care about her. He didn't care about her the way he cared for Riley.

"That's not helping," she said to him. "It makes you sound like an asshole. Don't you see that? You didn't care about her, but the second her boobs popped up that's all that mattered, right? Who cares about her feelings, she's got boobs and she's pretty, right?"

He stayed quiet. It felt common to him to be at a loss for words recently. Riley's sarcasm had touched a place he never thought about.

"I love you -" he tried.

"Stop!" she interjected. "That's not gonna help you and it's sure as hell not gonna win me back."

"But it's true!"

"Who cares if it's true!" she cried. "You cheated on me!"

"But it was just texting! It wasn't anything serious, Riley I-"

She stayed there watching him. Not only was he trying to save himself, but he wasn't understanding what he was doing wrong. The action of cheating didn't just depend on having sex or making out with somebody else, it was also about flirting or having feelings for somebody else.

"-I was going to end it," he confessed. "That's why we talked on my birthday. Remember that? When you saw us? She showed up when I told her not to and when she tried talking to me I told her it was over. I ended it because I love you, only you, and that's who I care about."

She could barely see him through her teary eyes.

"Riley..." he said gently, "Baby, please..."

"It doesn't matter whether you tried to end it or not, what matters is that you did it. And that you lied. And that you did something with somebody who wasn't me. Don't you get that?"

He nodded. "And I regret everything about it, but I promise you, on everything I love, I'm never gonna hurt you again. I fucked up and I'm not proud of it, but it's never gonna happen again. Just please forgive me."

She shook her head no. She couldn't. She thought she could, but seeing him start to cry in front of her only showed how sorry he was. And even though that was a good sign, the damage had been done. He'd cheated and she wasn't going to take him back just because he was sorry.

"You said that this had been going on for a few months, but when I saw the messages they didn't go back that far. Did you delete some?"

He dropped his shoulders, nodding once again.

"What did you delete?" she pressured.

"Pictures," he answered her, trying to be vague as possible.

"Pictures? What kind of pictures?"

"Riley, c'mon - "

"What kind of pictures?" she repeated, demandingly.

"Nudes."

"Nudes?" she inquired. She wished there was something about his story, something light and hopeful, that would cure her heartbreak, but her silence and expectant gaze urged him forward; revealing more details that strayed her farther and farther away from feeling good. "I thought she only sent one?" She met his gaze, clear emerald orbs shimmering back at her. "Why did you lie about that?"

"Because I don't want you to hate me. I fucked up, alright? I fucked up bad and I'm scared that you're gonna break up with me."

"That doesn't mean you get to lie! You fucked up, yes. You did. But this is when you own up to it, not lie about it!"

He glanced up at her, hesitation in his eyes. "Riley...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm begging you, please forgive me. Please."

"Then why would you do this?" she asked, "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this to me...you wouldn't..."

"No! Don't say that. I do love you. I do...I made a mistake. I..." he trailed off, unable to offer an explanation for his behavior, unable to defend himself.

"Why?!" Riley screamed, pouring all her emotions into that one word. "Why Lucas? I don't understand why you would throw our relationship away so just give me a fucking reason!"

"I don't know...I don't know why I did it. I just.."

"I don't believe you," she whispered into the air, staring despondently at his glistening eyes.

"I don't know!" he cried. "What's important is that you know I've always hated myself for it. I was getting ready to end it. I just needed more time. Know that I regret every second of it...because every picture, every text, everything about her wasn't you."

Seeing her like this broke his heart. He hated that he had been the cause of it and he wanted to comfort her, but he knew being touched by him was the last thing she wanted, "Riley...you weren't supposed to know."

"No one's ever supposed to know they're being cheated on, are they?" she snapped, pushing him away from her. "That night," she began, wiping the tears from her eyes as she turned to face him, "A few days after New Years Eve last year, you called me in the morning and we spoke in your truck. You came home that night super late and you got into an argument with your dad, do you remember that?"

He nodded.

"Where did you really go? Because you lied to me and I caught you, did you go see her?"

"I didn't," he stepped closer to her, but she didn't let him touch her. "I was at a party with Zay. He was there you can ask him he'll tell you I'm right."

"How many times, Lucas? How many girls?"

"Just one," he answered. "I promise you with all my heart there was just one. And all we ever did was sext."

"I think I got that!" she snarled.

In that moment, he began to notice that his words weren't going to be enough this time and it scared him. He wanted to hold her and prove that he was telling the truth, but Riley wasn't having it. The news and the revelation had broken the barriers that had constructed her principles. She was always a firm believer in trusting people and listening to what they had to say and forgiving them when they deserved it. But Lucas didn't think he was worthy of receiving that anymore. He had done something not even the most optimistic and brightest person could see passed. Seeing that his words weren't enough, Lucas asked, "What can I do? What can I do to make it up to you? I'll do anything."

"Lucas - "

"Riley. Please. Anything! Let me show you that I'm telling the truth. I'll call her right now and I'll tell her that it's over and that I messed up. I'll block her on everything. Riley, there's not a thing I wouldn't do. I'll do anything please."

Seeing him list all the things he was willing to do for her sparked something in Riley she never thought she'd make anybody do. In that moment, seeing him so desperate and determined made her realize one thing:

She could control him if she wanted to.

"Anything?" she asked.

"Anything," he confirmed.

"Okay," she nodded, taking a few steps back. "Break your phone."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Y-you want me to break my phone?" Lucas questioned.

She nodded. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

"Riley, what's that going to prove?"

Had Lucas' really been lying, and he did, in fact, cheat on her, breaking his phone went to show how much he cared for her and how far he was willing to lie if it meant keeping their relationship intact. "That you mean it. That you won't cheat on me again."

"Yeah and I do mean it, but there are other ways to prove it. You can go through my phone every day, Riley. You wouldn't even need to ask and I'd give you my passwords to everything - "

She stared at him, blankly. "That's not enough."

"I'm not gonna break my phone, babe," he stood his ground.

"Then I'm sorry, but… I don't think I can do this. You should go."

He sighed, running a hand through his face clearly frustrated by the lack of ways he could prove his fidelity to her. "Please…"

She walked towards the door, "You should go before my parents get here. I would hate for them to know what you did."

"Riley, please," he begged, the lump in his throat starting to form. He began to feel his eyes water and he hated that he was getting emotional. When she passed her, he reached for her, but she disentangled herself from his grasp.

"Don't touch me!" It was silent for a moment, but she spoke again. "I want to believe that you didn't do this to me, but what you're saying is just not enough. I'm trying to believe you, Lucas, I want to believe you. You're the first guy that I've ever been in love with - "

"I love you to - "

"Then prove it! Because telling me isn't gonna be enough. In fact, you're gonna lose me if you keeping telling me you love - "

In a quick, swinging motion, Lucas threw his phone towards her wooden floor and stomped on it with his right leg. He didn't stop after the first stomp, he didn't stop until the screen had been completely shattered.

Her mouth dropped in astonishment, but quickly closed it. She never thought he'd do it. "You need to go."

"But I just - "

"Please. Lucas. Get out of my house."

His expression dropped, his shoulders falling with him. He had tried everything he could to get her to forgive him, but she was unsuccessful. Riley was too mad and too hurt to even look at him and he was only hurting himself more by asking her to. He opened the door to her room and stepped out, but not before looking at her again. She was heartbroken, he could tell and everything had been overwhelming for her.

But he needed to see her.

He just wished she hadn't looked the way she did because of him.

The door closed.

But the weird thing about it was that Lucas' absence hadn't made her feel better. If anything she felt worse. Still clutching onto everything Lucas had said, Riley's back hit the door with a hollow thump. She slid down, hardly aware of doing so, and gasped as she felt something inside her chest wrench apart. She was overwhelmed, overwhelmed with everything that had happened, and in a tremendous effort to breathe, she let out a great, strangled sob.

She sat there, shaking, trembling, hugging herself, hot tears pouring down her cheeks, willing her not to scream and get angry at everything she had found out about him. She felt like breaking everything in her room and telling her friends what she had learned, but she kept her composure. Instead, she cried, she let every tear, every sob, thought and heartbreak out.

And after ten minutes, she willed herself to keep quiet.

Truth was, during the time Riley was ignoring Lucas, she spoke with Zay to learn everything about his relationship with Zuri.

And unbeknownst to Lucas, she had already known the entire truth before asking him to explain his side of the story.

The only thing she was having trouble accepting was the fact that Lucas had told her a completely different story from that of Zay's. And knowing Lucas and his actions, Riley believed Zay's story over his. And everything he told her had been a complete lie.

_**ooo**_

**Two Days Earlier **

Riley rested her head on her hand and looked at the rain coming down the window, her breath fogging it up each time she released it. It was a dreary day for mid-January, and usually, Riley would spend this kind of day with Lucas, but not today.

After everything she'd been put through because of him, she couldn't bring herself to spend time with him. The mere thought of thinking about him alone broke her heart.

She turned to look at her companion, Zay, who sat beside her on the driver's seat. After countless calls and text messages, he agreed to ditch his workout to consult his grieving friend.

When he picked her up, he didn't expect to see her dressed in baggy pajamas, her hair in a messy bun with eyes swollen from the tears she shed all while being curled up in a blanket. That was when he realized something devastating happened.

She was mostly quiet for the majority of the ride which was extremely unlike her. One of the things he liked most about her personality was that she was always bubbly and quirky, but not today. In fact, it had been a few weeks since he'd last seen her act like her old self. Now, she seemed more reserved and calm. He didn't know what to say to her at first, but he was confident that the presence of comfort food would do the trick.

"You don't have to do that," Riley said after she watched him turn his right blinker on to enter an In N' Out drive-thru.

"I want to," he replied, taking a quick glimpse at the traffic behind him. "So… are you gonna tell me what's up?"

She listened to the windshield wipers brush away the pelting rain before answering him, "I found something on Lucas' phone and I need you to tell me if I'm overreacting."

Zay furrowed his brows, "What'd you find?"

Riley looked down at her hands which were folded neatly in her lap and thought. She didn't know if telling him was a good idea. She didn't want it to poison his opinion on Lucas or result in an argument between them, but she decided she would take her chances. Zay was the only person she could talk to about something like this and it pained her that she had been keeping this to herself. Maya and Isadora combined were too impulsive and overprotective and she didn't have the energy to deal with their reaction. She was sure they would act impetuously.

Which is why Zay was her best option.

"A girl named Zuri sent him nudes," she revealed. Judging from the look on his face Riley concluded that Zay already knew, and for some reason, she wasn't mad at him. "And I need to know if I can still trust him after this."

There was something about the way her words rolled out her tongue. She sounded tired and helpless and it was obvious to Zay she had spent a long time thinking about it. She was reaching out to him because she felt overwhelmed and needed guidance, which meant that anything he told her could seriously affect her relationship with Lucas.

"How long have you known?"

"I think it's about to be two weeks," she informed.

"So his birthday," he began, taking in her doleful expression. "You already knew?"

Riley nodded, "When I saw the messages I didn't have the heart to talk to him about it. So I waited, but now...I can't even talk to him."

"And Lucas… does he know that you know?"

Riley shook her head. "He doesn't. He knows something's bothering me but he doesn't know."

Zay turned to look at his steering wheel, he was surprised Riley would even talk to him about something like this, considering that Lucas was his best friend. The subject was a personal issue and he didn't know how to comfort her.

"I'm really sorry, Riley." He didn't know if this was enough, but the faint smile let him know she was grateful.

"You don't need to apologize," she mumbled, "You just need to tell me everything you know about his relationship with Zuri."

He looked at her, unsure if he should. This didn't sound like something she should be talking about with a friend, it sounded like something she should be asking her boyfriend about. "Riley...I don't think it's my place to say…"

"Please?" she begged. "You're the only person I can go to right now."

"Why not Lucas? He's your boyfriend…"

"I'm not ready to see him right now. It still hurts, Zay. Please…"

He took a deep breath. Even though seeing Riley like this made him feel sad for her, he thought about saying no. Lucas was his best friend and they were extremely close. He wouldn't be a good friend to him if he jeopardized his relationship with his girlfriend. It would only make him feel guilty about prying in on something that was personal and private, but then he remembered how genuine and kind Riley was and how many times Lucas did things like this behind her back.

It reminded him of all the times Lucas had messed things and not cared about the consequences. Lucas was reckless and careless and even though they were best friends, Zay knew he needed something like this to be his breaking point.

Riley had been the only girl he's ever cared about and he was sure something like this would make him change if Riley ever confronted him about it.

He took a deep breath, "He can't know I told you anything. He already thinks there's something lowkey going on between us, he'll only turn the tables on you if you tell him."

Riley nodded knowingly. She was glad Zay had agreed to tell her everything, it was one of the many reasons she trusted him so much.

"What do you want to know?"

She took a deep breath. She didn't know if she was prepared. She was worried there was more to the story she wasn't ready to know. She feared that knowing everything would only make her hate him, and she didn't want to. She loved Lucas too much to want to hate him.

But in order to have a clear image of where their relationship was headed, she needed to know everything. Every detail.

Taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned to Zay. "When did it start?"

"I think it started around December. Like the first week," he revealed thinking back on the day. "Yeah. It had to. He came up to me and he showed me a picture of Zuri, he said she was cute and he asked me if he should make a move."

Riley looked out the window, she did this because she already felt the need to start crying.

"I don't know what they talked about specifically, but I know that they'd send each other nudes. Lucas would show us the pictures she'd send him."

She sniffled, it felt like she was learning about a new side of Lucas she didn't know before. "Where did they meet?"

Zay shrugged, "I'm not sure. Probably school? She's a sophomore so they could've seen each other across the hall or something. I just know that the first time he ever made a move was through dm."

"Does he have feelings for her?"

"No," Zay answered, almost abruptly. "He doesn't, he's just using her."

"I just can't believe he did this. I know what he's like I know what he can do, but I never would've thought, not even in a million years, that Lucas would do something like this to me."

"He's good at hiding things from people," Zay spoke. "It's not your fault."

For the first time, Riley wasn't mad that the clouds had covered the sun. She was glad the gloomy weather aligned with her mood. "I saw them talking to each other the day of his birthday party, is that the first time that they've ever talked in person?"

Zay shook his head, "They've been to a couple of other parties too, but all they ever did was talk. I never saw them go anywhere else."

"So all those times Lucas said we couldn't hang out… he was out at parties? With her?" Riley asked, wanting clarification.

"I'm pretty sure," he said. He didn't like being the one to reveal this to all of her, he could tell it was hurting her feelings and he wished he could stop, but she wanted to know more.

"Who else knows?"

"About him and Zuri?" he asked, "Not a lot of people. He didn't really do a lot with her. They mostly texted."

She ran a hand through her hair. "What do you think I should do?"

Zay's expression changed, "Me?" he pointed at himself in disbelief.

Riley nodded, "You know him in a way that I don't. I don't know if he'll do this again, you probably do. I just need some advice on how to handle this because I'm so hurt right now I can't think."

He ran his hands down his lap, uncertain of what he should tell her. She trusted him and he could feel the pressure of that. He thought back to the Lucas he knew, he knew that underneath his protective and impulsive layer, he was a nice and fun guy. He knew Lucas since he was a kid since he started to change and act the way he did and he still saw signs of the old him in the Lucas he knew now. And that was enough for him to make a decision.

"I think you should talk to him and make a decision based on what he tells you and what you feel in the moment. I can't tell you what you should do because I don't feel what you feel, Riley. I'd be telling you to do something that you might not end up liking."

She understood what he was trying to say. In the end, what mattered was what she thought felt right.

"Did you see anything else when you read his messages?" Zay asked.

She shook her head no, "Not really. There wasn't a lot." Zay furrowed his brows for a slight second as if something wasn't adding up and Riley noticed. "What?"

"It's just… Lucas told us that Zuri wanted him to choose between her and Lia."

Riley turned to him, "Lia? Who's…? Who the fuck is that?" she asked in concern.

Zay dropped his shoulders at that moment. He realized that Riley didn't know as much as he thought she did and if that was the case there was more to the story she needed to know, more that could potentially break her heart. He selfishly hoped he didn't have to be the one to do it, but it had unfortunately fallen on him to share the unwanted news.

"Zay, who is that?" she repeated.

"That's the other girl he was talking to behind Zuri's back," he admitted.

Riley didn't know whether to cry, scream, or call Lucas and tell him she knew everything. She wanted to tell him that he was a terrible person for doing what he did, but she couldn't bring herself to pick up her phone. Instead, she tossed her head back and inhaled a quick and deep breath. "There was more than one girl?" she asked, hardly believing it herself.

He nodded, confirming what she had asked.

Riley felt herself go numb. She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, but a part of her did. With everything she had learned about Lucas in the recent week, she was having trouble doubting this one.

"In the time that we dated, how many girls did Lucas flirt with or physically hang out with knowing they could potentially hook up?" she asked, sounding slightly angry.

Zay didn't want to tell her at first, but he knew that Riley was searching for answers and at a time like this it was important she knew the truth. "At least seven."

His words hung in the air as he waited for a change in her demeanor. After what seemed an eternity she blinked rapidly shaking her head in denial.

"No. I - " she stammered trying to process the number of girls he mentioned. "Zay he loves me he said it himself there's no way he'd hurt me like this. One is already more than enough. The Lucas I know would've never done that."

He wished he could deny it and the fact that he couldn't, made him want to hurt Lucas. He hated that it had unfortunately fallen on him to share the unwanted news.

"I'm sorry, Riley."

Upon hearing that voice, the voice that seemed so utterly sincere, Riley's last bit of self-control went out the window. She let out a sob, a broken, choking sort of sound that made Zay want to hug her.

The weight of realization sent Riley's stomach into a backflip. It was the kind of backflip that was a sort of nauseated turn, something that made her want to throw up. "Zay there's no way I was this stupid," she told him through tears. The pain in her chest began to sink and Riley could physically feel her heartbreak.

"Seven?" she asked brokenly. "Who were the others?"

"I don't know them all," he informed. "I know about this girl named Vanessa. He talked to her for a while, I don't know how long, but when she found out he had a girlfriend, she tried to tell you."

Riley shook her head, disappointedly. She remembered Lucas telling her that Vanessa was a terrible person and a liar if only she knew that she was being warned.

"And the others?"

"I don't know their names, but I know that he met them at parties. He'd talk to them, he'd dance with them and then he'd disappear with them for a while."

She placed her hands on her forehead, trying to cover the tears that were trailing down her cheeks. "Did he have sex with them?"

"I don't know about that. But I know that he's done it before. It's how he'd break up with the girls he dated before you. This is the first time he kept it a secret. Are you okay?"

She wiped her eyes, "I'm not. I think I just need time to think about this. I just...seven girls?" she asked, unable to believe it. "I can't believe him."

He placed his hand on her shoulder for moral support, he knew she needed it. "I'm sorry, Riley."

"I just wish I caught onto it, you know? I basically made it easier for him to cheat on me because I never went through his things like he did to mine. I guess I should've, it would've saved me the heartbreak."

"This isn't your fault," Zay said to her. "It's not your fault he cheated. That was entirely his decision."

Riley's head tilted slightly as she thought back on their relationship. They had been through so much together, she had helped him through the most challenging things he's ever been through, and as a result, he decided to cheat on her. It pained her deeply that he had done that to her, but she was glad Zay was there to help her and tell her everything she needed.

"Can you just take me home?" the brunette asked, her glistening eyes turning to Zay.

He nodded and in a few minute's time, Zay had parked his car outside her house. They were quiet for a while, but Riley unbuckled herself and turned to look at him. She managed a tiny smile, but it didn't hold up for long. She was too sad to even try. "Thank you for telling me everything, Zay."

"No problem. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Don't be," she said sniffling. "I know now that's all that matters. If I have more questions can I ask you?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

With a last reassuring smile, Riley opened the car door and stepped out. Zay watched as she walked into her apartment and for a second he contemplated telling Lucas everything he told Riley. He wanted him to have time to think of a story to tell her, but he knew Lucas' anger would only be directed at him. He'd make a mess of the entire situation and he didn't want to break Riley's trust for him.

So he kept it to himself. Lucas would have to find out on his own and he wouldn't be able to save himself from that one.

_**ooo**_

Riley Matthews sat on her bay window overlooking the New York sunset. She wondered where such serenely beautiful horizons—such rich and varied dyes–such mellowness of light—allowed her mind to wander into deep thought. She enjoyed the opportunity to disconnect from the daily stress of life and after everything she had been through, she found herself enjoying it more than before. It provided the opportunity to unplug and to get away from the overwhelming anxiety her relationship with Lucas created.

The surrounding area is chaotic, filled with impatient New Yorkers going on about their day, ready to yell at somebody for bumping into them while crossing paths. The sound of a car honking at another was just as common as two people greeting each other and exchanging a friendly hello before continuing with their day.

This allowed Riley to make a connection she hadn't before. When she was younger and would look at people from her window, she would lose herself in the thoughts she discovered while contemplating. Every single person, no matter what gender or ethnicity they were, had a story; and almost every story was uniquely different.

But the older she got, the more she realized they shared the same experience of their daily routine under the sky. Sure, everybody had some things figured out, but essentially they were all doing the same thing: trying to figure it out.

Being away from Lucas, Riley learned that life isn't so trivial, it's quite gorgeous and simplistic, but being away from him caused a bigger hole in her happiness than she expected. She missed him and she couldn't get him out of her head.

When she was younger, she was constantly bombarded with what to think and feel instead of trusting herself. The moment she finally caved, Riley allowed herself to fall in love with a guy she failed to realize wasn't good for her.

They had their excessive share in arguments and fights, but at the end of the day, Riley loved him. He was all she thought about and all she cared about and part of the reason she was watching the sunset was because of him.

For the first time in a while, Riley felt her world piecing back together, but as she watched the yellow and rose-colored clouds in the orange sky, she asked herself: is that worth it, if I can't be with Lucas?

She wanted to know if being happy without Lucas was enough for her. She contemplated it for so long.

All the thinking had actually made her acutely aware of life's beauty which is hidden during her day to day experiences. Sure, it was limited due to her life in one of the biggest cities in the country, but Riley couldn't wait to escape to nature and the open field.

She was sure life would truly reveal itself to her, in its immaculate entirety. At that moment it's as if nothing else matters besides the connection that naturally occurs, but she still couldn't get Lucas out of her head.

She wanted him there with him. It was the only way she could truly be happy.

Staring out beyond the traffic and watching the sun slowly disappear, Riley became present enough to realize one thing.

She picked up her phone and typed it's a message, quickly sending it and returning her gaze out the window.

She didn't need to wait any longer, ten minutes later Lucas would be tapping her bay window with expectant eyes, wondering why she had messaged him.

"I got your text, what's wrong?" he informed her as she let him in.

His jaw fell agape as she slumped against him, resting her head on his chest. Instinctively, he wrapped both arms around her, not wanting to question her motives. She released a light chuckle when she noticed how quickly he adapted to it. It was the closest to a comfortable silence the two had ever shared.

He caressed her head and hugged her tighter. For a second he felt like he was imagining this, it was too good to be true and he refused to let her go and that's when Riley started crying.

She missed him deeply.

She thought back to everything Lucas had done. She thought about how he lied when Riley caught him cheating, she thought back to Zay who had told her the truth and told her that Lucas had cheated on her with seven different girls in the span of their one-year relationship. She couldn't believe that the same guy she was hugging, the same guy that provided all her comfort at the moment, had been the result of something so terrible.

But she didn't have the heart to hate him for it. She didn't have the heart to hold his lies and infidelity against him.

He looked at her, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You know I don't like it when you cry."

She didn't know how much she missed his touch until then and she kissed him. She brought him closer to her and kissed his lips. Instantly he melded into the embrace and reciprocated her kiss. He seemed to be losing himself a little more with every second.

He pulled back, framing her face with his hands. For the past year each time he had taken in that colored gaze, he'd find himself stargazing. As he dove into those beautiful eyes, all he could see were golden flames dancing in those chocolate orbs. "So does this mean..." he smiled trying to catch his breath. "Does this mean we're good? We're back?"

There was something about that look that made her stomach heavier and her head lighter. She felt warm and tingly all over. A smile formed on her lips as she stood there, staring, trying to figure it out. Slowly her hands raised, her fingertips tracing the contours of his face as she attempted to puzzle it out. His expectant eyes made her smile and in that moment everything felt perfect. "We're back," she confirmed.

"Thank God," he sighed, before kissing her again.

Out of all the days in the year, this one was particularly special to her — not because of the sunset that made her aware of the simplicity and beauty of life — but because of her newfound perspective on her relationship with Lucas.

Life is both as simple and as beautiful as every sunset if people allowed it to be. And Riley had done just that, but her world had consumed so much chaos and so much dread that going back to a life without him felt abnormal.

She could tolerate some discomfort, especially if her relationship with Lucas was the cause of it.

And if it was anxiety-inducing and mentally overwhelming then so be it. If Lucas was a ticking time bomb, then she was the bomb diffuser. If Lucas was a spreading fire, then she was the firefighter that risked her life to maintain it.

She was willing to be put through all that burden if it meant she could still call Lucas hers at the end of the day.

Truth was, Riley didn't believe in anything ugly. She didn't think her relationship with Lucas was ugly and messy, the divine configuration of beauty is everywhere, she just had to focus on the best parts.

Every day she was given another opportunity to use the moments in her life to the best of her ability. And when the sun faded into the background and the moon shined her light, she had all night to reflect.

Those days would become weeks, and those weeks would become months, then months turned into years and she hoped every single second of it was spent with Lucas at her side.

She just wished this kind of thinking could last her that same amount of time.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Let me know what you think about this chapter. It was chaotic and long and mostly Rucas centric. I really hope this chapter highlights the frustrations of being in a toxic relationship and that you guys feel the anger, someone, from the outside, looking in would feel.**

**Some interesting things develop in the next chapter that you guys won't want to miss. As always let me know what you think.**

**Side note: So for a while now, I've been feeling a little overwhelmed with writing. Originally, I was a good month and a half ahead of you guys with my chapters which meant that the chapters I was currently writing, you guys wouldn't read for another month or so, but due to my inability to feel inspired you guys have caught up to me and I'm not as ahead as I'd like to be. So I think, starting today, there's no guarantee that I'll be posting weekly. There might be some delays, but I do intend on finishing the series. Which I'm not far from btw.**

**I hope you guys can understand and I'm so sorry I didn't give you guys a heads up.**

**But on a positive note: Follow me on Wattpad. My username is inherelement, say hello, I always respond. I'm also going to post the edited version of Dangerous Woman on there tomorrow, Wed. May 6th, 2020. I live in the U.S. so I don't know about yall's timeline. Hope you guys can, thanks so much.**

**Follow, Favorite, and Review**


	18. 17: Rooftop & Girl's Night

**A/N: Sooo...last chapter was a wild ride. Our girl Riley finally confronted Lucas and learned everything only for her to take him back in the end. Sigh. I included the scene with Zay because she's trusts him with her problems, he's the only person she can go to because she knows how Isadora and Maya would react if she told them the truth. Zay is more collected which makes him a perfect person to go to for help. This is important because this plot gets bigger in the upcoming chapters. I also wanted to thank you guys for the reviews. When I first started this story I didn't know how people would react to it and seeing you guys interact with it makes me extremely happy. They mean a lot to me and we're almost at a hundred reviews, the support is unbelievable I don't know what I did to deserve so many. **

**Katy Kear: I know girl, I know. But hey, it's realistic and it happens in real life. **

**Frey: Hey, girl I see we got a new reviewer. And yes, that chapter was so important. I've never written such an intense break up scene before...like... I think I did sum lol. This story has up to 21 to 22 to 23 chapters. It's around there. Sorry I can't give an exact number because they're numbered differently on my drafts, but it falls around there. So we still got a few weeks. I'm working on the second to last chapter, but I'm kind of suffering from writers block so pray for me...lol. **

**Hey: I know, I know, I'm glad you guys are upset about all of this. I feel like I'm doing something right. Thanks so much for the support. **

**Also, I'm curious, how many of ya'll still want Lucas and Riley to end up together. **

**Chapter 17**

**Lose You to Love Me**

**_ooo_**

Riley entered school the next day with Lucas at her side. Though she was grateful to have her boyfriend back, it wasn't quite the fantasy she'd spent several days imagining. Their initial reunion had filled the brunette with inexplicable bliss. However, the magic had quickly faded and been replaced with unease. The blonde's return hadn't exactly healed the wounds within their relationship as she had hoped. Instead, his presence shed light on the many cuts and bruises they each pretended didn't exist.

They could no longer deny the changes between them. Even she, the most optimistic of them all, could feel the difference. She didn't know how or when it had happened, but the guy standing next to her was not the same person that she had seen cry and open up to her. That Lucas would've never broken the trust in their relationship. He also would've known better than to think she wouldn't find out.

For the year they've been dating, Lucas has been both her friend and boyfriend. They were honest and trusted each other with anything and Riley felt that was something that made them inseparable; until she found out he cheated and it made her question everything.

Even though she knew that Lucas didn't always make the best decisions and behaved irrationally and overprotective at times, he was always there for her. He would never give up on her and she was certain of that.

She just wished she could open up to him about things she would normally tell Maya and Isadora.

She hadn't talked to them about her current problems because she knew what they were like, they'd never let Lucas breathe if they knew the things he did. And Riley still cared about him, she couldn't stand the thought of her best friends hating her boyfriend.

As a result, she couldn't confide her troubles in him. She couldn't tell him about her disastrous emotions because he had been the result of them. She couldn't talk to him about the consequences of his actions because he would never understand them. They would only argue if she pointed out his offenses, which is why he never learned from those mistakes and kept making them. Which is essentially the reason why Riley and Lucas had fallen back into their old habits so quickly.

Luckily, for the first time in their relationship, the best moments were starting to outweigh the bad ones.

When Lucas asked her out on a date, she wondered if they had reached the point in their relationship where they had outgrown that. They had done so much together and knew each other so well that she felt silly being asked out, but she thought the gesture was cute and his smile said it all.

Truth was, in the time Riley confronted him about cheating, Lucas realized how scared he was of losing her. He knew how much he loved her, he just didn't know how different his life would be if she wasn't in it, and it terrified him.

So he took her out on a date and he went _a little over the top_.

He told her to dress formal and she did. She modeled a blushing pink cocktail dress with long sleeves and light makeup. To complete the look, she dazzled in silver earrings and heels while styling her hair in a parted sleek and raised crown, her caramel highlights flaunting down to the end of her shoulders.

She just didn't expect to find herself in an elevator at the Times Square's Moxy Hotel. She didn't know what Lucas was planning, but whatever it was, it must've been huge. She glanced over to her right, where Lucas stood wearing a mischievous grin that made her rather nervous.

She knew he was unpredictable, but the simple thought of Lucas planning a date at an expensive hotel stunned her.

His gaze on her was coupled with such affection that Riley began to feel a fluttery warmth in her gut and she blushed slightly. Under the smoldering gaze of his eyes, she felt like a goddess.

Lucas didn't do too bad himself either. In a suit he looked sharp and stylish, the dark color making his tanned skin and bright emerald eyes light up even more. The crisp white shirt was buttoned up to his neck, starched collar close around his throat, and secured with a thin black silk tie in a Windsor knot. He looked smart and strong and powerful, ever the businessman. The suit was tailored, accentuating slim waist and broad shoulders perfectly. Handsome was too common a word to describe him. It had been the first time she'd ever seen him in one and he never looked better. When he sent a wink in her direction, Riley knew he was in one of those playful moods. It seemed like that's all he'd been feeling lately.

During their trip to the mall, Lucas abruptly told her to choose whatever she wanted. He said that he'd pay for everything and Riley knew what he was trying to do. He knew he was trying to make up for what he did by spoiling her and she refused to let him.

But in the end, he convinced her and she caved.

He paid for everything she wanted. Anything from clothes, jewelry, makeup, to even designer handbags. At the end of the day, the total summed up to $549.67.

She didn't even want to see the receipts. She felt guilty, of course, but a part of her didn't want to.

She thought of this as his punishment, even though it was his idea and he wanted to pay for it. Her hands went down to meet his and she kissed him.

"What's this for?"

She shook her head no, "Just wanted to kiss you."

"Then do it again," he said before pulling her closer to him. He was an amazing kisser, everything about him was sensual and romantic and she never realized how much she missed this side of him. He had his days where he acted irresponsibly and said some imprudent things, but the real him was sweet and tender.

His eyes locked on hers and he kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too," she confessed to him as he pulled back and leaned against the railing. Just then she realized that they had still been going up on the elevator. "L-Lucas, that says 50th floor?"

"Yes, ma'am," he answered, casually.

"That's super high, babe. Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he smirked, the taste of her still tingling on his lips. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, catching Riley's attention.

The last time he was with her, Riley told him to break it to prove he'd never cheat again. She didn't expect him to go through with it, but to her surprise, he threw his phone on her floor and stomped on it, until it was fully broken.

She felt bad for making him do it, but she should've known better. Lucas' parents were wealthy, it was only a matter of time before everything blew up on her face and worked towards his advantage.

"Nice phone," she complimented. Though she was expressing admiration her words were flat and bitter.

He let out a light grunt, placing his phone back in his pocket. He knew he had offended her with the simple gesture and he didn't want her to be mad at him the entire night.

The elevator doors opened and he extended his arm for Riley. When she stepped out her face brightened up and her jaw dropped in astonishment. "Lucas, there's no way you did this."

"I did," he grinned noticing her reaction.

Riley stared at an open lounge bar with a sexy urban-industrial vibe. The lounge had wire mesh panels riveted to the ceiling and walls beside it was an oversized topiary garden decorated in patio lights. She turned to her left and noticed the Empire State Building skyline view in the night and starry sky.

"Dinner on a rooftop? Seriously?" she asked, completely stunned.

"Yeah," he confirmed, the both of them standing in a gallery-like entrance hall with whimsical topiary animals in naughty positions. "I wanted to impress you."

"Lucas, this..." she turned around to take everything in. "This is beautiful. You didn't have to do this - "

"I did," he interjected, taking her arms. "You deserved it. You're special Riley and you deserve something special."

"This is unbelievable, babe! Thank you."

"You're very, very welcome..." he said with a waggle of his brows, "Now, give me a kiss."

She chuckled at his demand and pecked his lips, once, twice, endlessly.

Suddenly there was a distinct feminine "ahem" amongst them. They were so caught up in their world, exchanging kisses and getting lost in each other's eyes that they didn't realize they weren't alone. They pulled apart and turned to the young woman with an apologetic grin.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"You don't need to worry, we see it all the time. I'd be happy to check you in if you'd like," she offered with a dazzling white smile and perky tone that no doubt won her the position as opening hostess.

"Yes. That'd be great," Lucas stepped forward since the reservation was under his name. "It's under Friar."

She looked down at the computer between them and her fingers worked rapidly as she combed through the digital appointment book for the name in question. "Party of two?" she glanced up for a sign of confirmation, "All right. Follow me."

As the hostess led the way, Lucas turned back to take Riley's hand. She was still amazed by her surroundings and it made him laugh. "C'mon, babe."

She had to blink for a moment, but then she caught her breath and followed.

They walked passed the east side of the rooftop overlooking the Empire State Building and into the west wing which was more overtly carnivalesque, with one seating area rotating slowly like an antique carousel.

"This is your table," she informed, "Enjoy."

"Thank you."

Riley was still overwhelmed with astonishment. They were seated in a magical pink playground with a rotating carousel and retractable rooftop covered in twinkling and hanging lights. She had never been on a date before that left her completely speechless by its scenery. "Wow."

She took a seat opposite him and smiled, "I still can't believe you made this happen."

He watched her smile, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest. He hadn't expected Riley to be so pleased with it and made a mental note to plan dates like this again. "I did it for you."

"But how?" she asked curiously, moving her hair behind her shoulders. "Lucas, this is Magic Hour. This place...it's expensive and it's always busy, how'd you get us a reservation?"

"My dad's good friends with the owner. I got him to pull a few strings and he got it."

She smiled, proudly. Her gaze dropped down to the table, even that was nicely decorated. There were silk napkins and matching plates and a bottle of wine sat in an ice bucket next to a vase of dusky pink roses. The roses filling the room with their sweet smell. "What if they find out we're not 21?"

"They won't ID us," he clarified as he picked up the bottle and poured it on her glass cup. "Trust me. My dad came through."

She squealed once again and took in her surroundings. Everything about the restaurant was breathtaking and the skyline view only made it better. "I think you peaked," she began, "You'll never be able to top this. This has to be the best date I've ever been on. Not that I've been on a lot either, but this just blows everything out of the water."

Seeing her gush about something he planned and worked hard for made him happy. He loved Riley's appreciation and he loved that she always recognized the effort.

"I can't wait for Maya and Isadora to hear about this."

"You're gonna brag to them about this, aren't you?"

She nodded, "Of course I am.

Once Lucas had poured his share of wine onto his glass, he raised it high to the center of the table and smiled, "Cheers."

"Cheers," Riley responded, her glass touching his. When they took a sip, Riley looked at her surroundings. She felt like one of those women who met a guy at a fancy dinner and then hooked up with him later. The festive atmosphere was unlike anything she'd ever witnessed and she wondered if someday in the future she would get used to this.

"I forgot to mention, but my brother's coming to town," Lucas informed. "It's been a month since I've last seen him so... he'll be around for a few weeks before he goes back."

Riley's face brightened at the mention of his name, she withdrew the glass of wine from her lips and smiled, "Lucas, that's great! Really?"

"Yeah. It'll be fun. I mean we have a lot to talk about and you can finally meet him so that's what I'm most excited about."

"We'll go bowling down by Peter's arcade," she suggested. "The three of us. It'll be fun."

He took her hand from across the table. "Babe, he's gonna love you. He's chill and funny too, you'll see."

She thought about Lucas' family. Out of everybody related to Lucas, his brother Austin was the only one he enjoyed being around. They were close before he moved away for college, even distance couldn't break their bond.

"When does he get here?"

"Next weekend. Yeah, I'm picking him up at the airport, and then we're gonna get breakfast."

She smiled, "It's funny how Josh is leaving for college around the same time your brother is coming back from college. I'll probably be with Maya that morning, but text me, okay? I'm gonna want to know everything."

"Yes, ma'am."

"That reminds me. My mom's friend wants to meet with me for brunch to talk about NYU. She went there to study law and she works at my mom's law firm which is exactly what I want to do so she's gonna explain to me what she did and what it was like. I think I'm gonna ask if I can shadow her for a day, you know? I want to see what being a lawyer and one of the best law firms in New York is like?"

"Why don't you just ask your mom?" he queried.

"I have, believe me. I've tried everything. The thing is my mom doesn't like talking about her work with me. And even when she does she skims over which is why I've completely given up. Besides, she'll never let me be in the same room when she's working which is why she rejects me every time I ask if I could go to her work. So... that's when Mrs. Lexington comes to play."

"You little opportunist..."

"Hey, I'm just focusing on my future," she advised. "You should too if you want to become a veterinarian. Have you thought about volunteering at the vet?" His expression fell for a moment letting Riley know everything she needed to know. "Babe, this is serious. If we're both trying to get into NYU then you should try to bump up your resume and familiarize yourself with your major. It's like Common Sense 101. We can go tomorrow if you'd like?"

"I know... it's just... I still haven't told my parents I don't want to do professional football after high school. I don't talk to them about these kinds of things. It's awkward, I don't even know how they'll react."

She hadn't thought about that. "I mean it's not like they'd throw a tantrum, right? You're more likely to become a veterinarian than a football player."

"I am, it's just... my dad, he's... I don't know how to describe it. He won't get it."

Riley realized that Lucas had another problem on his hands. As their senior year was coming to an end and they were only months away from graduating, their plans for their future were coming into question. It was only a matter of time because his parents asked what he wanted to dedicate the rest of his life. Mark and Anne Elizabeth are expecting him to follow in his brother's footsteps, but Lucas isn't like that. He's the kind of guy to want to forge his own path, but since Lucas is scared of his parent's opinions he'd most likely wait till the last moment to drop the news on them.

"I'm sure he will. Dad's need a little more time than mom's, that's normal, but eventually, he'll come around. They have to."

"I don't think so," he interjected. Riley was an optimistic person and there was nothing that could break her hope. But if there was one thing that could, it was his dad's arrogance.

Lucas had once been filled with hope after a meaningful conversation with her, he garnered up the courage to confront his dad about his behavior and in return, his dad walked away from him.

That night Lucas lost hope in his relationship with his dad. There was no way they would be able to see each other eye to eye which is why they had grown colder and colder by the day. Which is why Lucas was scared to tell him he didn't want to play football anymore.

"He has to," Riley continued. She wanted to believe that Lucas' dad would come around.

"Riley, he'll refuse to pay for my tuition if he finds out," Lucas deadpanned. He didn't want to tell her, but he knew what his dad was capable of, which only added to his fear.

"He'd do that?" she asked.

Lucas nodded, "And my mom wouldn't say anything because she does whatever he does. I'm on my own right now. I'm gonna tell Austin when he's back. I'm sure he'll know what to do."

She gave him a faint smile. She couldn't believe Lucas' dad was capable of thwarting his son's dream of becoming a veterinarian if it wasn't what he wanted. Her eyes trailed up to meet him and she could tell he was worried. "I thought you guys were doing okay. I mean he got us this reservation, why would he do that if you guys aren't on good terms?"

"That's because lacrosse season is starting and I'm captain again. That's the only reason he did it. He was proud. It's what he does, babe. I play a sport and when I'm on the field he tries to be the best supportive dad in existence. Then the games are over and he goes back to ignoring me."

Riley scoffed, she wished she could talk more to him about the subject but she knew what he really wanted. He wanted to talk about anything else and she didn't want to spend the entire night dwelling on something sad, especially when they were on their date on a rooftop at the Moxy hotel. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

He smiled in return.

"Hello," a young blonde woman with green eyes and a petite build greeted them. She couldn't have been older than them by a few years and her hair was in a bun with a middle part. She handed them their menus before greeting them with a smile. "My name is Phoebe I'll be your waitress for tonight. These are your menus, enjoy."

"Thank you," Riley said before taking a look at the food listed on the menu. Her gaze shifted to Lucas who had turned to watch Phoebe walk away as if he was checking her out. Her brows furrowed at the gesture, but she didn't have time to question it.

"You're coming to my game, right? It's the first one of the season and it's on Wednesday."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Great," he cheered. "That's great. It's at five by the way."

They opened their menus and decided on what they wanted to eat. It didn't take long before the same waitress stood by their table placing their order.

"I'll get the Mozzarella Carrozza?" Riley revealed as she stared at the description. Everything about it sounded good to her and she could practically taste it.

"I'm having trouble deciding," he began, his twinkling eyes on Phoebe. "What do you recommend?"

"Oh, I shouldn't. I try not to give my opinion on anything if the guest doesn't like the plate I recommend they'll be upset."

"You don't need to worry about that, I won't get upset. Right babe?"

She forced a smile.

"I want to know. Honestly. I'm sure someone like you has great taste."

Riley watched her boyfriend with cautious eyes. It was uncommon for him to randomly start a conversation with a waitress, he normally ordered his food and that was it, but there was something different this time. He was making eye contact with her and seemed to have the biggest smile on his face.

"In that case...the Bruschetta," she answered, "Hands down. It's one of our popular dishes."

His smile was unlike anything Riley had seen before. There was something about it, something different, that she couldn't quite put her finger on it. As she stared deeply into both of their gestures, the thought of him flirting with the waitress crossed her head.

And then she couldn't let it go.

"See, I called it. You do have good taste. That's exactly what I was eyeing earlier, but I want to try something new. Do you think the Fritto Misto is good?"

"Personally," she began shaking her head no, "Not my favorite. The zucchini is a little too salty. I do recommend the Taglioline with Peas & Ham if you're looking for something simple, but efficient. Trust me, it'll leave you feeling good."

"The Taglioline it is then. Thank you."

"Perfect. And the wine? Is everything fine?"

Lucas nodded, "Yes. Thank you."

"Perfect. Be back in a sec," she stated with a rather large white smile that let Riley know she was flirting.

It was funny how in a second moment, even with a single gesture, her entire mood could change. She went from feeling great and in love to feeling bitter and angry.

It took her some time to wrap her head around what she witnessed. She didn't want to believe it, but she saw it first hand. Lucas had flirted with a waitress on their birthday.

**_ooo_**

While Farkle and Cara roamed the streets of New York on their daily walk across the city, the couple decided to stop at Topangas for a vanilla latte.

As they walked inside and took their seats in a booth, Farkle couldn't seem to bring himself out of his trance.

He had spent the entire Saturday afternoon walk thinking about Isadora and his reestablished feelings for her. It was all he had been thinking about since their talk at Lucas' birthday party.

Every moment he spent with Cara even when he showed her around the city and how to use the subway, he'd occasionally remember some of the things he used to do while dating the brunette.

He was worried that the more he thought about her, the more likely he was to let her name slip at a moment he couldn't afford to say it.

He sat twirling the foam on his latte around with his straw before Cara caught onto his distant behavior. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" He brought himself to look up at her.

She wore her hair in a braided crown with loose strands to frame her features. She was absolutely beautiful.

"You keep spacing out. It's like you're thinking about something."

"Oh. Sorry, I just... it's been a long day."

"Or more like a week," she corrected, before leaning back on his seat. "Somethings brokering you I know it is."

He wanted to deny it but he knew he wouldn't be able to. He was never a good liar and he never liked to do it, especially to people he cared about. "There's something I haven't told you about."

Her brows narrowed, "Well what is it?"

"You know Isadora, right? Riley and Maya's best friend?"

She nodded. She didn't know her well, but she knew the girl was extremely smart. Cara had also reached out to her for help in regards to her algebra homework. "I do."

Farkle took a deep breath. He was nervous about disclosing his past relationship with his current girlfriend, he didn't know how she would react to it and he hoped she would make a scene.

Even though Cara wasn't the one to do so, he was worried she would react in a worse way. He was worried she would cry.

"Well here's the thing, Isadora and I have always been good friends. We have ever since we met each other in our Sophomore year of high school. She was smart, I was smart, she loved comics, I loved comics... we were really close."

"Uhuh," she nodded, following.

"We knew each other so well that... we started dating. For a whole year. But then we broke up and then we met and became a couple."

She didn't know about his relationship with Isadora. She never would've imagined that they dated since there was never any awkwardness to pick up on - only the time she caught her staring at them. Even then there was nothing to it.

She was clueless about it.

Even though she was glad Farkle told her about this, the way his words were coming out his tongue led her to believe there was more to it. "Okay."

"But then Lucas party came around and you had to leave early and I was all alone."

She kept her gaze on him, "Farkle get to the point. You're making it seem like you guys hooked up."

He shook his head, "that didn't happen. Isadora sat next to me and we talked... for the first time since we broke up. It was a real conversation, just the two of us and I realized I still have feelings for her."

Cara was taken aback by his revelation. She never knew this had happened and finding out like this didn't make it mad. She was sad he still had feelings for his ex, but she couldn't help but wonder if she had a right to be upset. She felt like she had interfered with something great.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked merely to break the lengthened silence.

She thought she was at first but she wasn't. She realized that she hadn't fully fallen for Farkle enough to be heartbroken by it.

"I'm not. And I'm glad you told me. Not most guys would've had the courage."

He faintly smiled. "I'm really sorry I kept it from you this long."

"It's okay" she grabbed his hand and their gaze met, "so what are you gonna do? Are you gonna tell her?"

He shook his head, "Isadora has strict parents. They're committed Christians and they don't really like me. She'd never date me again."

Cara's heart dropped for her friend. "Hey. You're a great guy, Farkle and I'm sure talking to her wouldn't be so bad. If I'm entirely honest with you I think she might feel the same way about you too."

"Really?" He questioned.

Cara nodded, "It's a girl thing. I couldn't tell before because I didn't know you guys dated, but now that I do. It's kind of obvious,"

"So you think I should talk to her?"

"I think you should," she encouraged.

The genius teen smiled brightly. "You're amazing, you know that. Any girl would've been mad at me for doing this. But you... Any guy would be lucky enough to date you."

She smiled.

"I'm really sorry I'm not one of them."

"Well don't be. You're about to chase after the girl you truly love and I'm glad you told me... but you're still walking me home and you're still going to show me around the city... we'll just be friends this time."

He nodded, endlessly. "Great friends."

That day, he walked home thinking about how he was gonna win Isadora back. He knew what they had was special and he wasn't gonna let it go to waste. So he did what he was good at, he came up with a plan to win her back.

**_ooo_**

The music in the background seemed to tug at Riley's heartstring. Her favorite song by Khalid was playing and everything about it made their date that much better.

They finished the entire bottle of delicious wine before they even started on desert. In the center of the table was a simple brownie top with vanilla ice cream, a chocolate cake, and a buttery hot fudge sauce that they shared together. When they were done eating they talked about the normal things they would talk about. Anything from school's, the aftermath of Lucas' party and how everybody got drunk and started jumping in the pool.

Lucas, being the guy she knew and loved, ate more than she did, which was expected. He ended up feeding her spoonfuls of ice cream when he realized he wasn't eating as healthy as he should be, especially when lacrosse season is about to start.

He fed her a slice of the chocolate cake which inevitably had Riley closing her eyes and arching her head back in bliss. She loved the food it was unlike anything she's ever had. "You did something tonight. This is amazing!"

As Lucas stared at her from across the table, he couldn't help but notice how happy she looked. He loved that she had gotten over the obstacle they went through because a few days earlier they were in the middle of one of their biggest arguments ever. He was happy when he took her back and he had no intention of losing her.

"It was all for you," he reminded. It was true. Because of her, Lucas worked up the courage to ask his dad for a favor. He wasn't sure he would've done it for any other girl.

Riley couldn't help but admire her boyfriend's smile. He looked absolutely handsome in his tux and his slightly touseled yet combed hair only made him cuter. "I know that it's too soon to ask, but would you ever consider going on a double date with Maya and Josh?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I'd be down. We could do it in my backyard if you want?"

She had thought about it for a few days now. She liked the idea and wanted to try it, but she didn't know if it would work out. She made a mental note to tell Maya about the idea later. "It'll be fun."

"Should we go already?" he asked staring at his watch. It was a few minutes till twelve and he needed to take her home.

"Let's stay a bit," she suggested, "I'm having a lot of fun. It's like...it feels like one of those nights you never want to end. I feel like I can talk to you all night."

Lucas loved that. Riley was the only person in his life he could talk to for hours and never get tired of, they had so much to share, they've been through so much that they could never run out of things to say. Sometimes he wished he could forget everything he knew about it so he could re-learn from scratch. She was that special to him.

"Okay, sure, why not?"

"I have a better idea," she said the second the light bulb went off in her head. Instinctively, she removed her foot from her heel and touched his leg.

Lucas smirked, "What is it?"

"We get out of here and we go to your car..." Swallowing hard, he watched her lock eyes with him. Smirking softly, she inched her foot closer to his groin. "And then we drive somewhere private, you pull your seat back and we..."

He leaned in closer, feeling his heartbeat accelerate again. He wanted to hear her say the word, he wanted to know it was finally their time to have sex.

"Well, I guess we'll see when we're there."

"So does that mean that you're finally ready?'" he asked, her brown eyes were intense. The sexual tension between them was imminent and he wanted to kiss her.

Her facial expression dropped for a second, she wasn't sure she could do that yet, but the more and more they made out the more and more she allowed him to touch her in ways he couldn't before. "Not yet."

He didn't budge. He knew he couldn't be disappointed and he wasn't. Being by her side was a hundred times better than anything else. "Okay." The conversation was utterly sweet, but simultaneously—somehow—stimulating. Or maybe the stimulating part was the fact that Riley's foot was still trailing up his leg. He fell back into his seat and called for Phoebe. "Can we get our tab?"

"Of course. I'll be back shortly." It wasn't long before she set the tab on their table. The gesture was simple, but Riley caught onto something she never would've before.

Phoebe had slipped her number in for Lucas discretely. Her eyes wandered to his to see what he would do with the piece of paper, but he hardly reacted. Instead, he took the paper and hid it in between his hands as if he was saving it for later. She watched as he pulled out his debit card from his wallet, and that's when she decided she was done.

Truth was, Riley hadn't gotten over the fact that Lucas had started different relationships with other girls while dating her. She hadn't entirely forgiven him and there was no way she could ever forget what he did. She had intended to be difficult with him, she wasn't gonna let him off the hook easily and she planned on doing that by trying to break his heart many times, but as she watched him take the paper Riley knew that wouldn't be enough. Instead, she was going to take her anger out on where it would really hurt him...his money.

Unbeknownst to Riley, Lucas didn't keep the piece of paper. Instead, he crumbled it and left it on the table. He wasn't interested, he thought Phoebe was pretty, but his intentions were pure. Riley was the love of his life and losing her taught him how important she was to him. He wouldn't do anything to risk that again.

If only Riley knew.

**_ooo_**

Maya drove home from school, saddened by the fact that Josh would be leaving soon. Their days were numbered and there weren't many left before she drove him to the airport and said goodbye to him. She thought of different things they could do before he left, but they had done mostly all of them. She was tired of staying home and watching re-runs with him, she felt like precious time was passing them by. Sure, they were together and that was all that mattered, but the fact that they weren't doing anything was starting to bore her.

She wanted to be with him, yes, she just wanted to be doing _something_ with him.

She parked her car in front of her apartment building and grabbed her things. She hurried inside and took the elevator to the top floor and suddenly stopped at the sight of the man standing in front of her apartment door; a picnic basket in his hand.

"Josh?" she asked, approaching him.

His arms closed around her tightly and he bent his head to kiss her. It had only been a few seconds and his brown eyes had already swept over her warmly. "Hey."

Sam smiled at him brightly, her blue eyes roaming over him. She loved that he was wearing the shirt she had bought him, it lit her up with pleasure. "What are you doing here?"

"I knew you would be home soon and I wanted to surprise you." He cupped her cheek, his thumb tracing her cheekbone. "So here I am."

The blonde kissed him again. "What's this?" she asked referring to the basket and the camera hanging from his neck.

Josh pulled away from her and snagged the picnic basket he left by the floor. "Come on." His hand trailed down to hers and she laced his finger with his, tugging her back down the corridor.

"Come on where?" Josh laughed. "I just got back from school." She allowed him to usher her back into her car and she acquiesced when he wangled the car keys from her. Realizing he wanted to drive, she settled into the passenger seat and let him drive her.

She didn't expect him to drive out of town and into the countryside. On the way there, she talked about her day at school and how she hated her math teacher. Josh couldn't believe that even after all those months he spent away, Maya's dislike for the subject had still taken its full effect. Eventually, he stopped at a secluded spot in the hills.

"When and how did you find this place?' Maya questioned as she helped him lay out a blanket on the grass. She knew Josh so well to know he never mentioned this place to her at all. She took a seat beside him and admired the great view of the bright sun and the city.

"It's my safe place," he informed. "I would come here when I needed to get away from my parents."

"Why didn't you ever tell me about it?"

He shrugged, "Never felt like I needed to. I guess I just came here when I wanted to be alone," he gestured for her to scoot closer in his direction. "I was up here a lot when I was wondering if I should break up with you or not."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. She knew it must've been difficult for him to think that Maya was certain Josh didn't want to break up with her, but he also didn't want her to commit herself to him when he wasn't going to be there for her physically. "I think it's beautiful." She commented quietly, honored he would bring her somewhere that obviously meant something special to him.

"It is," he smoothed a lock of her hair behind her ear and wrapped his arm around her. "Do you ever think that I messed up?" he asked.

She turned to him. The sudden change in his tone made her think he was dealing with something he hadn't talked to her before. "What? Messed up? On what?"

"Leaving," he answered. "Maya I really miss you. The second we hang up the call I end up feeling like something is missing in my life and it's you. I thought that..." he took a deep breath, "Through time things would get easier, but they haven't. And I know that we talk every day, but there are some days where I just want to be near you. We don't even need to talk I just want to hold you."

Maya had no idea this was something he had been going through. He spent the entire month with her happy as can be and now that it was time he went back, the feelings he had been suppressing just burst out. "Josh," she placed her hand on the back of his neck, "That's so sweet." He kissed her nose and she smiled, "Can I ask you one thing?"

He nodded.

"Do you love journalism?"

He nodded again.

"Then don't give up," she encouraged. "Don't do it, you'll regret it. And I know this isn't what you want to hear, but give it a few more weeks. Keep pushing, trust me. You won't be missing me for long."

He chuckled, "I think I'll always miss you, but you're right. I'll regret it if I leave."

She smiled and reached for his hands as they slid around her waist. She leaned back against him as they watched the scene in front of them in comfortable silence. He gently eased away and reached into the basket.

"Hungry?" he asked.

She nodded and grinned when he passed her a fruit salad. Even after all those months apart, he still knew that her favorite fruit combination was mangos and kiwi. "Don't you think it looks so pretty when clouds cover the sun?" she murmured.

"It does. Almost like they're glowing," he revealed. "What do you think that one looks like?" he pointed to a cluster of clouds off to their right.

"I'm not gonna lie to you...that's a teddy bear," she laughed, keeping her eyes on the cloud. "That's a whole ass teddy bear, babe."

He squinted his eyes and looked harder, "You know what, it lowkey does."

"Right."

They laughed for a short while and rested their backs on the blanket. "Here," Josh said, covering her with his jacket to protect her from the dropping temperature. "Better?"

Sam nodded, smelling his lingering scent on his jacket. "Better."

"Can I tell you something?" he asked softly.

"Always."

"If for some reason, and God forbid, we break up... I want you to be happy. Always."

She turned to him, her brows narrowed. "Why would you bring that up right now? I thought we were having fun."

"We are, but I'm leaving soon and I'm feeling a bit sad."

She pouted and took his hand, "I don't think we're ever going to break up," she assured. "I mean, think about it. We've been dating for a few years now and not once have we gotten into a big argument. We've never broken up or come close to it," she elaborated. "We've always been there for each other, and I don't think that'll ever stop."

"Yeah, but…" he tried to interrupt.

"And,' she continued insistently, "If we can survive half a year apart and keep Skyping and FaceTiming every day even with our busy schedules then we can make anything work."

She had a point. "You wanna know what I love about you?"

"Aside from everything," she motioned towards her chest.

"I love that you cure my anxiety. You always have."

Maya leaned forward and kissed his lips. "I love you," she said quietly.

He glanced at her curiously and smiled, kissing her softly, "I love you too."

Her fingers traced over his features, admiring everything about him. She was suddenly nervous again; butterflies fluttering in her stomach. His eyes darkened and he kissed her tenderly. She felt his hands on her skin and sighed; her own hands reached for him. The kisses shifted from tender to passionate; from lazy to urgent as they loved each other under the watching billowy clouds, and all of the distance between them disappeared.

They could never truly be apart after all.

_**ooo**_

The next day at school seemed to go by pretty quickly for the brunette. She attended her classes and followed her schedule like any other given day, it wasn't until school was out when she inevitably got into another argument with Lucas.

It started out simple. And if she was entirely honest, most of it was her fault.

They were standing by his locker when he told her that he wanted to be a contestant for their school's pageant show. It was an annual celebration their school hosted that was entirely based on guys and gave them the opportunity to show off their talent and primarily their looks.

She knew the pageant show was approaching and that Lucas did it every year, but this time around she didn't want him too.

There was something about the thought of Lucas receiving so much praise and admiration after he had just cheated on her did no sit well with her. It bugged her and she didn't like the idea of it.

"C'mon, please," he begged after she had told him no. "It'll be fun."

She shook her head no. "I don't want you too."

"Riley, that's not fair, I'm the one that's gonna be doing it."

She thought for a while, pretending as though she was really thinking about it. "The answer is still no."

He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes, "My God..." he scoffed. "It's just one night for an hour and a half. That's it. That's all there is to it."

Riley started nodded as though she was going to agree. Seeing his face light up made her smile, but then she started shaking her head no again. "You're not gonna do it. Period."

He started rubbing the back of his neck, clearly annoyed. "Well, you're not the boss of me so...I'm gonna do it anyway."

Riley turned to him, surprised. "What?"

"I said no."

"No?" she parroted as if saying it again would make sense to her. "You think this is a choice?"

He nodded, "Because it is."

"Okay. Then let me make it a choice for you," she slammed his locker shut even though he wasn't done with it. "If you go through with this stupid pageant show we're breaking up."

He took a step back, not being able to believe what she said. "Hold on, hold on. You're serious? You're being serious, right now?"

"Do you need me to repeat it for you?" she chastised.

"You'd break up with me? Over a stupid fucking pageant show?"

She nodded.

Lucas dropped his head, trying to control himself and his current anger directed at the brunette. "Alright, fuck it! Let's get out of here. I'm not doing it."

"That's what I thought," she scolded before following him out the school and into his truck. Knowing all too well she'd won that round.

_**ooo**_

Generally, when Isadora, Maya, and Riley hung out, they sat in Riley's room watching movies and eating pizza.

This time, however, they wanted to have an official girls night in. Self-care and fun at it's fullest.

The moment Riley opened the door for them, her hair was up in curlers and a face cream that spread like a mask over her features.

"Girl, you got ahead," Maya complained as she walked in, a fake pout on her lips. She set her things beside the bed and turned to the brunette, "What about us?"

"Sorry," she apologized, "I couldn't wait. I really needed to destress."

"You look funny," Isadora poked as she walked inside.

They talked for a while after and ate. The food was fantastic - Maya had insisted on cooking, creating some kind of pasta that she clearly had no idea how to make. After they ate the pasta, which to either of their surprise turned out to be good, they built a blanket fort in the living room, one more than large enough to encompass the three of them, the couch, and the television.

All that remained was the movie they agreed to watch.

"And you checked if it was on Netflix, right?" Isadora asked, wanting to make sure of everything in her life.

"I did," Riley confirmed, flipping through the movies and heading to the search engine. "It's called Miracle on Cell #7, and I heard it was really good."

"Is it a romance?"

"No, I think it's supposed to be sad. It's about a dad with a mental health disorder that gets accused of killing a little girl."

"Um…"

"Relax," Riley said, noticing the looks on their face as she explained to them what the movie was about. "He didn't do it. They accused him because he was there when she died and since he has a mental health disorder he couldn't really understand what was going on and he couldn't defend himself either."

"Okay. Interesting. Put it on."

"Josh watched it, he said he almost cried," Maya informed as she entered the fort, crawling across the pile of blankets she was currently sitting on. "I think it's also in Turkish so you're gonna need to add the English subtitles."

"How is he, by the way," Riley said, snuggling herself in between the two of them.

"He's good. We're gonna go back to our routine I guess. You know, talking almost every day at five on Skype? And we're constantly texting, I just...miss him. And I know that long-distance is better than breaking up and I should be happy, it's just that after a while, the excitement starts to fade away. He talks about visiting a lot, but it won't be for another few months before I can see him again."

Isadora put her hand on her friend's shoulder for support. "Hang on, you'll be happy you did."

She smiled. It was at that moment she started to feel the sadness in letting him go again. She loved him a lot and she missed him even though he barely left. "It's really hard to get emotional when your face is covered in a mask."

They laughed, "Seriously, guys, we look ridiculous."

"Middle-aged women wish they were us right now…"

It took a few minutes for the laughter to subside and unfortunately for Riley, their next discussion landed on her. "Hey, Riley?"

"Yeah," she asked turning to Maya.

"Lucas kept asking about you today, where'd you go?"

"Oh," She couldn't tell them the truth about where she really went. That would mean she would need to tell them about her argument with Lucas and she didn't want them to know that. "I forgot to tell him I was going home during lunch and I couldn't call him because my phone died."

"He looked a little angry…"

"He did?"

"Yes," Isadora nodded. "Did you guys argue or something?"

She shook her head no, almost instantly. "Not that I'm aware of," she tried to play it off, by turning away, but she could tell neither of them were ready to let it go.

"Why do you think he was mad then?"

"I have no idea."

"Did you guys talk after?"

"Yeah, we did. We talked before you guys got here, now, can we watch the movie? I don't want to miss it."

"Okay then," was all they said, as Riley got the movie set up and laid on the blanket pile beside them, her head resting on Maya's leg so she could still get at the popcorn.

"And let's not talk about boys anymore, it's a girl's night after all."

**_ooo_**

Lucas sat in his room debating whether he should text Riley or not. He knew she was having a girl's night and wouldn't want to talk to him, but they hadn't talked since she told him he couldn't be apart of the pageant show, and he was worried ignoring her would only make things worse.

He stared at the ceiling in his wall wondering why she was upset about it, but in a twisted way, he understood it. He'd put her through similar decisions before.

He turned his phone on and sighed when he realized she hadn't posted anything. If she was hanging out with her friends, it was almost expected that she would post something, but the fact that she hadn't yet made him wonder if she was even with them at all.

They weren't on good terms, she also wasn't posting on one of her favorite nights of the year. Girl's Night, which made it all too suspicious to him.

It was a good time for her to do anything she wanted to do without letting him now and it worried him. When Riley was mad at him she was extremely stubborn and did things he didn't like.

He just hoped tonight wasn't one of them.

After an hour of sitting on the thought, he was too angry to want to talk to her. He knew his anger had transpired out of something he wasn't certain of, but it was a logical thought and something he knew Riley was capable of.

So he decided to log onto her social media and go through her messages. He flipped through every single one of them and found nothing incriminating. There wasn't anything he could be angry at her for.

So he posted a picture on her Instagram account to find it.

The picture he posted was one of Riley wearing a black silk dress with her hair curled. She took the picture while out on a date with him and he posted it because she looked pretty it in. He was sure some guy he didn't know would comment under her picture.

And sure enough, after fifteen minutes, the dm's started finding their way. There were multiple. All ranking from emojis to selfies of the guys that wanted to date her.

He read through them all and every single one of them tested his anger.

_u fine asf_

_damn_

_I want you_

_lemme get your number real quick baby girl_

The thing that upset him the most was that some of the guys that dm'ed her, were his friends. Friends he thought he could trust, but he was wrong. He deleted the picture after he got enough and tried to control his anger, but he couldn't. He was far too angry.

And for some reason, he was willing to hold Riley accountable for it too.

She'd done the unthinkable when she threatened to break up with him when he wanted to compete in the pageant show, and he still wasn't entirely ready to get over it just yet.

**_oOoOoOoOo_**

**A/N: So this was the newest installment what did ya'll think? Let me know in the review section, they always make my day. I also wanted to take this time to open a discussion with you guys. Let me know if you guys want to comment on anything important or some advice - might not be the best but I would love to help out in any way I can. Talk to me, I want to know my readers. Have a blessed day. **

**Stay safe. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	19. 18: This is why I cheated

**A/N: Thank you guys for engaging with the previous chapter. I love reading your response and seeing your reaction, it means a lot to me as a writer. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because A LOT happens. As always, feel free to let me know what you think.**

**Katy Kear: So glad you're catching on. It makes me so proud. Thank you for the review girl.**

**GuestEstelle: You made many points in your review. And I'm glad you caught onto the Joshaya and Rucas comparisons. Even though Joshaya is apart most of the time, they still have a stronger and healthier relationship than Rucas who is ALWAYS together. My reviewers are so smart.**

**Hey: There are a lot of factors that contribute to Rucas' toxicity, control is one of them. Lucas has done it to Riley all the time and now she's retaliating. This is how she's reacting to the cheating and we'll see what that leads to. Joshaya is the healthy version of Rucas and you guys are catching onto that.**

**Guest: Hope you enjoy it.**

**Frey: They lack communication and are very territorial and controlling. It's what they do. And you're asking all the right questions. I don't have any plans on writing a sequel for LYTLM if that's what you're asking. I'm giving this story an official ending without any loopholes and plot holes, but if you guys have any ideas I'm open to hearing them.**

**Hey: Okay, sis go off. You made many points. So proud.**

**Chapter 18**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**you got off on the hurtin' when it wasn't yours **_

**_ooo_**

Lucas desperately sat in class, eyeing his exam. The clock on the wall told him he had less than an hour to finish the test, and he had spent the first ten minutes of that precious hour panicking.

The test questions were meant for somebody who had paid attention to and studied the material and he wasn't one of them. He recognized bits and pieces of it from Riley's notes, but even then that wasn't enough to help him.

He turned around to glance at the rest of the class, there were over fifteen students - him being the fifteenth - and one teacher to handle their testing session. And it wasn't just any teacher, it was Mr. Clanton, the person they dubbed 'Hawk-Eye' for his acute seeing senses.

Nobody ever got away with cheating in his class.

Feeling sweat pouring down his back, Lucas looked at his paper once again. He was screwed.

Riley, on the other hand, was perfectly fine. She was answering every question and reviewing them before flipping the page over and moving onto the next. She did this sporadically, with her pen in her hand, bubbling in her answers as she went.

Just then, she heard a whisper beside her and felt a vibration near her thigh. She turned slightly to her right to see Lucas mouthing the words, _Check your phone._

_For what?_ She mouthed back.

_Just do it._

Slipping a hand down, she carefully whipped her phone open and rested it against her open test folder.

**Lucas: help me out pls. I don't know anything**

She turned to him. "Are you serious?" she whispered, "I gave you my notes, why didn't you study them?"

Please, he mouthed once again. This time his eyes were pleading for her help.

She turned to look at her teacher, who was distracted in the assignments he was grading, then back to Lucas. Taking a deep breath, she nodded and typed the answers on her phone. "Wait, what version do you have?"

_B_, he mouthed back.

Riley sighed, she had version A. Luckily for them, Mr. Clanton's tests were always arranged to have the same questions in the same order regardless of their version, the only different thing was the order of the multiple-choice answers.

A minute later, Lucas' phone vibrated multiple times. He didn't dare glance at her, refusing to draw attention to their bad acting because they didn't want to get caught.

Test V.B.

1\. Salt Tax

2\. Cold Wars

3\. Europe

4\. Central Powers

5\. Russia

6\. Archduke Franz Ferdinand

7\. Axis

8\. WWI

9\. Nagasaki

10\. Pearl Harbor

The message contained more than he hoped for, but he didn't complain since it was working to his advantage.

When he finished bubbling them in, he realized he still needed an entire page to fill out. And to his disadvantage, Lucas knew absolutely none of it. He felt himself sigh again. He was going to need to ask her for help once again.

Riley sighed when she heard him call for her once again. She felt her eyes touch the back of her head from how hard she rolled them. Supplying answers was a lot easier than listening to them, but just as risky. Slowly, so as not to confuse Lucas, she murmured each answer, spelling them out if needed.

As she did so, she looked around. They weren't as discreet as she thought they would be, but Mr. Clanton was still busy eyeing his assignments. From a far, it looked like they were reading the test questions, but to someone closer, it was obvious Riley was actually murmuring answers.

"Are you done?" she whispered, turning her paper over to the first page.

"What'd you say the last one was. I need to write it down."

"First Battle of Marne," she answered.

"Battle of what?"

"First Battle of Marne," she repeated.

He nodded, jotting it down. "Is this how it's spelled?" he turned the paper over to her and she glanced at it, nodding in confirmation.

"Ms. Matthews, Mr. Friar, come here please," Mr. Claton called out to them both. "And bring your papers, please."

Instinctively, the entire class stared at them. Lucas and Riley turned to each other before standing up and heading over to his desk.

He took their papers and eyed them carefully, from the first glance he couldn't see anything wrong, but the more he stared the more he found that there were many similarities. "Don't make plans after school tonight."

"Why?" Lucas asked.

"Because you both have detention," he answered, meeting both of their eyes. "I'll also be making a call to each of your homes and giving you a zero for this exam. Now go take a seat."

_**ooo**_

Riley let out a long and dreadful sigh the second the bell rang. Her one hour sentence was about to begin and she was in no way interested in attending, but she had to. Or else her parents would be getting her in trouble for more than one thing.

"Can I just say I'm so proud of you?" the bad-influence-blonde congratulated with the biggest grin on her lips. "I never thought I'd see the day my best friend got detention."

"What are you talking about? I've gotten detentions before."

Maya folded her arms and brought them closer to her chest, "Girl, no you haven't."

"Have too," she stated firmly. "Remember that one I stayed with you after school because you set the sprinklers off in class?"

"I got the detention," Maya corrected. "Not you."

Realizing the blonde had made a point, she picked up her backpack and walked away. "Well, then I guess today's the day."

She headed straight to the class where the detention was located. As expected, she was the first one there. She set her detention slip down on the desk and checked off her name on the sheet, confirming she had shown up.

"Ms. Matthews?"

Riley glanced up to see one of her favorite student teachers. "Mrs. Calvert? You're hosting today's detention?"

She nodded, "What are you doing here?"

"I got in trouble today," she revealed. "I know, I know. I'm not proud of it, but I'm here."

"We'll talk later, but for now, put your phone in the basket and take a seat."

She turned her phone off before handing it over and sat right in front of the clock, counting the minutes away. A few minutes later, more students arrived, and just before Mrs. Calvert was getting ready to close the door, Lucas made his way inside.

He smiled when he saw Riley.

"Why are you sitting next to me? There are like 30 more seats," she asked him. She was still upset that she was in detention because of him.

"I just figured..." he began, but he trailed off when he noticed she was mad. "I just thought we'd sit together."

"Don't sit next to me."

"Alright then," he nodded and sat a few seats diagonal from her.

"Okay, class. Detention will be over in one hour, I have some assignments to grade so I'll be in the next classroom. I can hear everything you say, so don't say anything at all, understood?"

"Understood," the class responded.

After a few minutes of sheer boredom, Riley opted to do her homework. Halfway through, she felt something small hit the back of her shoulder. She turned around to catch a very playful Lucas smiling back at her.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"C'mon, don't be mad at me."

"Well, I am," she responded, turning around to complete her homework. Not long after, she saw him sit beside her.

"This is stupid, c'mon just talk to me. We're in detention together, this is funny."

"It's not funny, Lucas. I don't want to be here."

He sighed, "You're overreacting babe. It's just for an hour."

"It's not just the detention," she informed. "My parents are gonna know I cheated on a test, they're gonna be upset with me."

He hadn't thought about that. He could tell this was Riley's first time being caught and everything she was feeling was new to her. "You failed one test out of many, big deal Riley. Chill."

She turned to him, "Stop saying that. This is serious."

"It's really not."

"You know what, it doesn't matter. You cheat all the time you wouldn't know how wrong it is."

His expression fell flat, "What's that supposed to mean?" He didn't know which form of cheating Riley was referring to. He'd done both after all.

"Doesn't matter."

"Alright, look. I wasn't even gonna mention it, but you're mad at me for no reason. You're the one that got us caught, if you hadn't made it so obvious we wouldn't be here."

"That's such bullshit," she whispered, glaring at him. He was trying to shift the blame from himself to her, and she wasn't going to allow it. "None of this would've happened if you studied the notes I gave you. It was an easy test and an easy subject and even then you couldn't learn it."

He looked away.

"Why don't you take some fucking responsibility, for once? Maybe you'll learn something."

He took a deep breath and looked around the classroom. There must've been at least fifteen students and they were all doing their homework, except for him. The only thing he could bring himself to do was shift uncontrollably on his desk and wait till it was all over.

The more and more he sat beside her, the more he realized he didn't like it when she was mad at him. He liked talking to her and the silence was killing him.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have asked you to help me cheat."

She turned at his words, but she didn't respond. Why was he the only one speaking? He asked himself. Some things needed to be said and she was just sitting there tight-lipped while he held up the conversation singlehandedly.

"C'mon, just say something. What can I do?"

"Oh my God, don't do anything. Just let it go, you'll only make things worse."

"Then say you forgive me." When he realized his words weren't doing anything, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Pretty please?"

The brunette shifted her head left, glancing back at him, catching his gaze. He looked adorable making the puppy dog eyes and showing his pearly whites. She turned away quickly, noticing the gestures were making its charm on her. A small warm shiver ran through her as she sensed his emerald green eyes on her. As much as she tried to deny it, she liked it when he asked for forgiveness. She wanted his attention, his focus. She wanted him to want her.

And he always proved it to her.

His lips spread into a coy grin as she thoughtlessly tucked her hair behind her ear, a gesture she often made when she was blushing. "Okay. Fine. I forgive you."

_**ooo**_

Riley walked into school the next morning wearing a black halter top and light blue jeans. She had her hair in a ponytail and light makeup to match her complexion. As she passed through many students in the hallway, Riley stopped in her tracks when she spotted Lucas. He was talking to Victoria and she immediately felt her smile fall flat.

Her back was turned to her and she was on the opposite side of the hallway so neither could see her, but it was obvious to her that Victoria was flirting. It was clear in the way she curled her hair with her finger and casually touched his shoulder. She made her way closer to them, making sure they couldn't see her so she could hear their flirtatious commentary.

"It's at Michael's tonight, he's not posting about it so it's invite only. He told me to tell you in case you wanted to go."

Lucas nodded, "A'ight. Cool. "

"You're going right?" she asked, curiosity sparking an interest.

Lucas thought for a while, "I don't know yet, I have to see what Riley says. We might have some plans later on."

"Just cancel," she suggested, taking a step closer to him. "She doesn't need to know."

_This bitch_, Riley muttered to herself before marching towards them. As she neared them, Lucas took notice of her and immediately kissed her cheek. "Hey, babe."

"Hey," The brunette faked a smile as her hands instinctively met with his, staking her claim on the blonde.

Victoria took notice of the gesture, but she didn't draw any attention to it. "Hi, girl. How've you been?"

"I'm good," she answered pretending to be her friend, "What were you guys talking about?"

"Not much," the lying teen answered as if she had prepared her lie ahead of time. "Lucas and I were just catching up, he doesn't really hang out with us anymore. Right, Lucas?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah," he stammered unconvincingly.

"Really?" she drew the word, seeing right through him.

There was an awkward silence for a moment and Lucas's gaze on her seemed to retract; almost like he was scared to make eye contact. Riley, on the other hand, was surprised Victoria had presented herself so friendly to her. She couldn't believe that after what she had done, she would act as if she forgot about what she did that night on Halloween.

Truth was, Riley didn't forget. She couldn't.

The two bonded at a party and Riley was content with their newfound friendship. Thanks to her, Riley learned about Missy's jealousy. An hour later, after they parted ways and Riley went on a wild hunt to search a very drunken Lucas down, Riley saw what Victoria posted.

She found herself staring at a picture of Victoria touching Lucas and kissing him in his cheek, the entire thing looked intimate and Riley couldn't help but feel betrayed. Lucas insisted that nothing happened and Riley believed him.

Until she later learned from Missy that Victoria and Lucas had actually made out in the bathroom, and she only posted the picture to get back at her for kicking her out of their friend group. And since Missy had a crush on Lucas and Riley was dating Lucas, Victoria was able to manipulate both parties, and kill two birds with one stone.

But both Victoria and Lucas didn't know that Riley knew the truth. Instead, she feigned ignorance of the entire issue because it gave her the upper hand. In moments where she wanted to make Lucas uncomfortable. Like this one.

"By the way, I love the new look," she crowed extending her arm to touch her hair. Her eyes then trailed down to her outfit. "And the dress..."

"Thank you, it's brand new by the way. If you ever want to know where I got it from just let me know."

"Oh, I will. Thank you. What about you, babe?" she said turning to her boyfriend, she had a sneaky suspicion on Lucas and his response. "Doesn't her outfit look great on her?"

"Uhh..." he began awkwardly, realizing they were both waiting for an answer. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know why Riley would expect him to compliment another girl. "I-I-um...it's just that..." He shook the question off with a halfhearted smile of his own as he absentmindedly played with his fingers.

Riley turned back to Victoria, who she for some reason was treating like her best friend. "Who would've thought you had it in you? You left my boyfriend speechless."

She smiled sheepishly. "I gotta run, but it was nice seeing you again. Bye Lucas."

When Victoria walked away Riley turned to him. She knew any reaction out of him would make her suspicious, but he didn't this time. He didn't even bother to turn around and watch her walk away, something he did when he wanted to see how a girl's ass looked.

Sensing the tension between them, Lucas didn't know whether or not he should hold her hand. He normally made the first move, but now he wasn't sure. He decided to test the waters and graze his fingers against hers when she didn't move it, he intertwined his fingers with hers.

"Why didn't you say she looked pretty?"

He shrugged, "I just... I don't think I should. I mean... did you want me to say she looked pretty?"

Riley, still testing him, looked into his eyes. He was genuinely concerned and confused about it. "Lucas, it's okay. You can say it."

"Okay," he nodded.

"So what did you think of her outfit?"

"I thought it looked nice," he revealed. "It suited her."

Riley smirked. She only practiced the art of deception when she thought it was for the benefit of someone she cared for...until recently she found herself doing the exact opposite. She fooled him just like she knew she would. Preparing to strike an insult, she disentangled her hand from his grip and spoke, "Well I think that guys who like girls who dress the way she did are the kind of guys who would cheat on their girlfriends."

He stopped in his tracks, a shadow of bewilderment crossing his features. "Alright," he reached for her hands and pulled her in his direction. "Come with me."

And just like they were good at, they argued. That's all they ever knew how to do after all. They yelled at each other and argued in his truck until they had said every possible insult they could think of to each other.

"I didn't know what you guys were talking about…" she yelled at him.

He scoffed, "You're doing it again. You can't trust me. You're never gonna stop bringing that shit up."

"Of course I'm not!" she snapped, "I'm sorry, Lucas. I'm not the type of girl you can cheat on and expect me to forget about it. I mean what have you done to make me forget every fucking mistake you've made in the time we've been together?"

He didn't say anything to her.

"You get angry with me for talking to guys, you complain about every single thing I do, you start fighting with me for no reason and you continue to fuck up all the chances I give you," she yelled.

Lucas reached for the back of his neck as she listed his many offenses. At times like this, when he was tired of hearing her yell, he wished he could permanently mute her so that he didn't have to hear speak again.

"And believe me, Lucas. One day I will run out of chances to give you. Believe that."

"So you think what you did in there was okay?" he questioned, "Did you think setting me up like that would somehow make you feel accomplished?"

Riley sighed not interested in anything he had to say.

"Well congrats," he clapped, "You ruined a perfectly good day, Riley. It's ten in the fucking morning and we're already arguing. Shit! How long did it take you to act on it?" he asked. "Did you just say the first thing you thought of or did it just naturally vomit out of you?"

Silence.

"I asked you a fucking question - "

"...that I'm not gonna answer," she blatantly stated. "Better yet, how long did you think about cheating on me before you actually did it?"

Lucas ran a hand through his hair. "You're testing me, Riley."

"Oh, am I?" she asked in a naturally relaxed tone, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to."

He knew her far too long to recognize when she was being sarcastic and this was one of them. "This is why I cheated..."

On instinct, she pulled back, somewhere between stunned and stung. She felt her eyes water as the words rolled off his tongue. She wanted to cry, but that had only lasted a second. It wasn't long before that sadness turned to anger. "Fuck you!"

She turned to leave, but Lucas had grabbed her arm and locked the door before she could even open it. "You're not leaving. We're not done."

"Open the door."

He shook his head no. "We're not done talking."

"I'm done talking to you. Now, open the door."

He rested on his seat, taking a deep breath and controlling his anger. "What do you want to do later tonight?"

"Oohh, Lucas. Shut up! Don't talk. You're stupid if you think we're doing anything today."

He didn't pay attention to her. He knew he was upsetting her, but he didn't stop. It was something he did that he knew annoyed her. He tried diverting their argument by pretending they were on good terms. He didn't exactly know why it pissed her off so much, but he did it anyway. "I was thinking we could go downtown to Dave and Busters and - "

"Lucas, oh my God. Open the door."

"Or we could just go on another date? Maybe a boat ride? Or what about a walk across Central Park? We could visit the rocks by the pond where we celebrated our one month anniversary?"

"You're about to get slapped -"

"No, I got it!" he said as if a light went off in his head. "A museum. You love those."

"Open the door."

"No can do, baby."

Her gaze turned to him, staring at him venomously for holding her hostage. "If you don't open the door I'll break your window."

Her threats only made him laugh. "You're so cute."

She pulled on the lock furiously, attempting to get out. When she knew it was no use she stopped and took a deep breath. The way she wanted to hurt Lucas was too much for her to handle. She could physically hurt him if she wanted.

Instead, she decided to do something far worse. "How's your dad, Lucas?" As expected, the smile on his lips fell flat. "Is he still kicking you?"

"Riley - "

"Or is he still ignoring you?" Riley asked, mimicking Lucas' previous behavior. "Actually, how does it feel to be the least favorite son? Do you still think about it? It must suck having a dad that probably doesn't love you. Or a mom that probably doesn't give two shits about you. I mean if she did she'd step in every time your dad made you feel bad about yourself."

He turned to her, Riley was generally a gentle person. She was much stronger than she or most realized and if any subject could push her over into violent territory it was the one they were currently on. That was enough to make him unlock her door.

When she slammed the door on her way out, all the anger Lucas felt was let out. He punched his steering wheel many times and sighed. The only reason Riley had said all those terrible things to him was a result of the insult he said to her. The one about cheating on her.

He felt like he had messed up once again and all he was left with was the silence in his truck to remind him of it.

**_ooo_**

Riley spent the entire period angrily grading her teacher's chemistry tests. She hadn't been in the mood to talk to anyone after Lucas had so effortlessly ruined her day. Instead, she kept to herself, listened to music, and drowned herself with the stack of papers in front of her.

The deeper and deeper she got into the stack, the more and more she thought about their argument. His words were permanently engraved in her head and they were all she could think about.

_This is why I cheated..._

_This is why I cheated..._

_This is why I cheated..._

She didn't realize thinking about it so much accidentally made her crumble the paper she was grading. She took a few breaths to relax before focusing on the rest of the upcoming assignments. And as if fate itself was testing her temper, Lucas' paper popped up.

She rolled her eyes and reviewed the entire test front to back. He got a 19/25 which was 76%; possibly the highest he'd ever gotten in his chemistry class.

Riley sat back on her chair and eyed the exam, a thought she never would've imagined unless she was mad came to light. Lucas had passed the test with a surprisingly good grade compared to all his previous ones, and on any other given day she would've been proud of him, but today was different.

Their argument was blocking her from feeling any joy for him. She wasn't happy that he did good on a test and sabotaged one of hers. So, acting on impulse, Riley marked on his test that he got a 13/25 which would imply that he failed. Refusing to stop there, Riley went onto her teacher's grade book and added the graded test, bringing his official grade in the class down to an F-.

And to add icing on the cake, she marked him down tardy for seven classes which would undoubtfully grant him another detention.

Riley knew she was doing something wrong, but she didn't care. She was far too angry with Lucas to even care about her actions. All she wanted to do was hurt him and she would certainly be successful in doing that.

**_ooo_**

Lucas was called into the office not long after. The alert automatically transferred onto their principal's computer and that's how they were able to track it down so quickly. He was seated in front of principal Butler, confused as to why he was there.

"It's been brought to my attention that you haven't been doing so good in your Chemistry class," he began, his eyes glancing at the teenager in front of him, "Lucas, as a graduating senior this year it's important you do well in your classes."

He nodded, understandingly. "Yes, sir. I'm aware."

"And you're aware that you're failing, right?"

His brows furrowed, "I'm sorry, I'm failing in general as in I'm not graduating or I'm failing just Chemistry?"

"Just chemistry," Principal Butler clarified. "This was your final warning, son. And you're still failing."

Lucas was still confused, he was certain he had been doing really well in that class. The last time he checked his official grade was at C; approaching the B+ average which meant he was passing. He was also confident he was supposed to receive a good grade on his chem test because he studied for it like crazy, so it didn't make sense to him that he suddenly dropped so low. "I'm sorry, I just... I thought I was passing."

"That's not what this says. See here?" Principal Butler said, turning his computer screen towards Lucas. The blonde was met with a chart that listed all his grades when his eyes trailed down to his Chemistry class he could see the F- staring back at him; updated 15 minutes ago.

Just then, he pieced the pieces together. Lucas was a hundred percent certain his grade was at a C because the last time he checked that's what his grade book revealed. So it didn't make sense to him that he was now failing. Until he realized this was the period Riley was supposed to be grading his test, and if he was certain he was supposed to pass his test, this meant she had purposely sabotaged his grade.

He didn't have the heart to share his conclusion with Mr. Butler, doing so would get Riley in trouble and he didn't want that for her. So he sat through the lecture, thinking about what Riley had done.

She'd officially taken it to far. He would've never imagined Riley would stoop so low and take her revenge out on his grades; purposely failing him so she could get back at him for what happened the day before.

"As a result," Principal Butler began, "You'll be enrolled in an after school homework help program starting next week. Failure to attend will result in more detention, got it? The only way you'll get out of it is if your grades improve, so don't miss out, all right? This isn't time to be slacking off, are we clear?"

All Lucas could do was sigh. This was the last thing he needed, more school. He hated that Riley had done this to him and there was no way she would talk to him about it considering that she had already started ignoring him, refusing to answer any of his text messages. He stared back at his Principal and nodded, "Solid, sir."

"Okay. Glad you're accepting. Now, go back to class."

**_ooo_**

"Okay, honey," Katy began as she picked up her coat and purse from the couch, "I'm gonna head to work. There's food in the fridge and I left you a twenty in case you wanted to order a pizza."

The blonde nodded with her laptop in hand. "What time will you be back?"

"Midnight," Katy kissed her daughter's forehead and caressed her cheek, "Tell Josh I said hi."

"I will. Bye, mom."

"Bye, sweetie. And clean the house. Or you're grounded."

Once Katy was gone, Maya checked in with Josh to confirm if he was still available to talk. When he responded with a thumbs up, she squealed in excitement and FaceTimed him. Today was a very exciting day for her and she was so happy to share the news with him.

"Hey, baby," she greeted with a sheepish smile. She didn't know why she always felt extremely shy at the beginning of their calls, "How are you?"

"Better now," he smiled. "I have good news."

"Yay! What is it?"

"Okay, get this! So for my Journalism class, I needed to write an article based on a topic that we handpicked off a hat. The best article in the class was going to get their's published in the school's newspaper. Are you following?"

The blonde nodded, "I am."

"Guess who's article she published..."

"Did she publish yours?" she asked.

"She published mine," he confirmed, holding the printed edition of his article. "I still can't believe this. I've never been published before this is huge."

The blonde couldn't help but smile at his excitement. He looked like a little kid who finally convinced his parents to take him out for ice cream. "What was it about? What did she like about it?"

"Cultural gatekeepers. I won't bore you with the details or whatever, 'cause I know I'll lose you, but she said and I quote, "Josh Matthews perfectly captures the pros and cons of cultural gatekeeping while appealing to an audience of Millenials. With his inquisitive and compounding parallel structure, Matthews effectively grabs his reader's attention and draws them in.' There's obviously more, but that was basically it. Can you believe it, Maya?"

"I'm so proud of you."

"Just when I was starting to think that I wasn't getting anywhere," he kissed his copy and set it down beside him. "Okay, but enough about me, what happened?"

She fixed her hair and smiled, taking a deep breath. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Josh nodded, "I'm pretty sure I would know."

"I don't think you're ready - "

"Just tell me."

"Okay. Jeez. So a month ago I submitted one of my paintings for the GoldLight Gallery art show that's coming up in a few weeks. I didn't tell anyone about it in case I get rejected, but just yesterday I got a call from the owner telling me that he really liked my painting. And that it's been chosen! Josh," she squealed. "I've never been this happy before."

"Maya, the GoldLight Gallery? That's huge. Rich people and I mean filthy rich people go there, your painting can be bought for like a thousand dollars..."

"I know, I know," she smiled, "I'm so excited I'm shaking. Look." She held her hand high just enough for him to see and even through the screen it was obvious. "But it's not just about the money, it's about the recognition. People will get to see my work, see me for me and I... I can't even describe it. I guess it just feels like...people will get to see my heart."

"Someone is gonna buy it, I can tell. I just know they will."

"Fingers crossed. I can't wait to tell Riley and Isadora."

"Why haven't you?"

"I wanted them to call and confirm everything before I tell people. But, Michel - the owner of the gallery - has been talking to me since. I think that's a good sign, don't you think? Like I'm actually making conversation with him and I refuse to believe he's keeping contact with his other submissions."

"No, that's good. You're gonna get this! You're Maya Hart, an amazing artist, he'd be a fool to let you go."

"I really hope he's not. I'll get back to you when I hear back from him. You're gonna be the first person I tell."

Being their first for everything was always a thing they did, even when they didn't plan it. The more and more they dated, and the more and more news they had to share, the more and more it became their thing. They did it all the time that telling someone else about their accomplishments before telling each other felt weird to her.

That night they talked about many things. They started discussing their favorite show and their favorite theories as well as the next time they were going to see each other. Maya couldn't wait to hold him, the feeling she felt when she was near him was unlike anything she ever felt and she went to sleep that night dreaming about it.

**_ooo_**

Cory Mathews hovered over his desk, attempting to sort through the chaos of homework assignments in front of him. It had become normal for him to stay a few hours after school ended to gather a lesson plan for the upcoming week, and since his class was testing it had made things a bit more difficult for him.

He'd just finished filling out the agenda for tomorrow when he heard footsteps trailing down the hall. When he glanced up to see who was standing in his doorway, he was shocked to see Lucas. "Mr. Friar…I wasn't expecting you," he said.

He didn't think his daughter's boyfriend would show up at his school. He didn't know him very well, but he was aware that Lucas had turned out to be a kind, compassionate, honorable young man, who Riley was very fond of.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Friar," Cory asked curiously.

Lucas stepped forward, anxiously fidgeting with the strap of his backpack.

"It's about your daughter, sir," he began.

Cory's eyes sparked with interest at the mention of Riley, his features falling as he took note of the young man's troubled expression.

"Is something wrong?"

"There is, sir," he confessed, strangling the strap in his hands.

He had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but everything that had gone down between them led him here. They were treading a treacherous path these days and the last thing he wanted was their relationship to spiral down alongside it.

"There are a few things I think you and Mrs. Matthews should know," he continued.

"What kind of things?"

As Lucas stared at Riley's expectant father, he debated whether or not he should be completely honest about his troubles with Riley. Confessing everything would make their acquaintance rather awkward and uncomfortable for both of them, but he felt like it was something that must be done; especially when Riley left him no other choice. She was back to ignoring him and ignoring his calls which is why he decided to talk to her dad in the first place.

He thought about waiting it out, giving her a couple of days to calm down, but he didn't want that anymore. His patience wore thin. If she continued her current path it was possible the bonds of their relationship would fray to nothing. He couldn't allow that.

The number of times he tried to stop himself from walking into her father's class was too many to keep track of. He feared he'd only complicate things, but that thought alone only went to show how bad things were between them. Going to her dad for help should be a good thing, not something he should be worried about because of Riley.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized he needed to act quickly. She was as stubborn as she was beautiful and the chances of her gearing up for her next strike were extremely likely. As he stood in her father's classroom for the first time, prepared to tell him whatever he needed to tell him to win her back, Lucas feared he might be fighting a losing battle.

"I just..." he took a deep breath looking back at his door as if he'd find something there. "Your daughter and I haven't been doing so great recently...and..."

Cory waited for the green eyed teen to continue. Whatever it was he could tell was taking a toll on him, considering the number of times he played with his fingers.

"We got into an argument. I've tried calling and texting her so we could work things out, but she won't talk to me. And just today, I found out that she lowered my Chemistry grade during her T.A. period on purpose just to get back at me. She still refuses to see me."

Unlike him, Riley seemed to enjoy the fighting. She took pride in hurting his feelings while Lucas simply tried to control her. No matter how many times he started the argument, he never liked the in-between. He didn't like the insults they traded back and forth. They hurt him more than he let on.

Though that hadn't been the case with their last confrontation. In his anger, he had shouted the harshest words he knew she was most vulnerable to, and they'd struck with deadly aim. He hadn't meant to take it so far, but the damage had been done.

"Riley did that?" Cory asked and Lucas nodded. He was stunned to hear something like that, the Riley he knew would never hurt a fly and to hear that she had done something wrong only made him want to investigate further.

"Yes, sir. I've been trying to take control of the situation, but she tends to get reckless when she's upset and... I just want us to go back to the way things were initially."

Cory sat back down on his chair, thoughtfully. "You said she won't talk to you?"

He nodded.

"Okay," he started packing his things, "I'll talk to her, Lucas. You don't need to worry."

"Sir?" the teen called and once his eyes were on him, he continued, "I really love your daughter and I want what's best for her, but something happened recently that I should've come to you about sooner. I was just trying to be a good boyfriend to your daughter, but I realize now that you deserve to know."

"And that is?" His brows narrowed expecting Lucas to tell him what he knew.

"I know Riley's been getting high with Charlie Gardner," when the words rolled off his tongue, he knew he'd have Riley calling him to apologize judging from the look on her dad's face. In a way, he only told her dad that part because he was still upset that Riley sabotaged his grades, and he needed to get her back somehow. "I already talked to Charlie and I told him to stay away from her. Riley, on the other hand, refuses to listen to me. She hates me right now and I'm scared that she'll break up with me, or worse, she'll get hooked onto that kind of stuff and start hanging out with the wrong crowd."

"It sounds like you two have been having these problems for some time now, why are you barely telling me this now?"

Lucas tilted his head, forming a response. "I've realized that she's been doing this a lot and I want what's best for her. The reason that it's taken me this long, however, is that she's threatened to break up with me before every time I tell her not to do these kinds of things. I guess I'd rather have her break up with me than let her be influenced by the wrong crowd."

"Thank you, Lucas. You're a good kid, I'm really sorry this has been happening between the two of you. But I'm gonna talk to her, okay? You don't need to worry about that anymore."

"Thank you, sir."

"No problem." By the time Cory was gone, Lucas was left to think about everything he told her dad, he told the truth - for the most part - but he only seemed to care about Riley learning her lesson about sabotaging his grades, rather than fixing the error in their argument.

**_ooo_**

"Hey, Riley," Topanga called out to her teenage daughter as she sat on the living room couch. "Help me set the table, will ya?"

"Sure."

The mother of two returned her focus on the pasta she was cooking. All the silence between her and her daughter reminded her of the day before when she was being lectured for cheating on a test. To lighten the mood between them, she decided to express interest in her daughter's future career in law. "How did it go with Viola?"

Viola Lexington was one of Topanga's best friends in the firm. When she found out that she was willing to guide Riley through the journey and help her out with everything she needed, the mother immediately jumped at the offer and told her daughter. Riley was just as happy to meet her and they set up a lunch date. They met a few days ago and she forgot to ask her how it went.

"She was great. And she agreed to let me shadow her, I just need to hear back from her," Riley informed as she walked into the kitchen to pick up a few napkins. "Did you know she defended an innocent man who was being framed for murder by his own wife? It's insane. She was telling me about some of her cases, the ones she was allowed to talk about and I was in awe. She's amazing at her job."

"Why do you think I was so excited that she wanted to guide you?" Topanga asked, "She's brilliant you're gonna learn a lot from her."

"Hey, mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Why didn't you want to be the one to teach me these kinds of things?" she asked, sitting on one of the chairs. It was a question the teenager had in mind, but she didn't have the courage to ask until now.

"Riley, you know how I feel about my work. I can teach you the basics, but if you're gonna learn from someone it should be Viola Lexington. She's brilliant. You're in good hands, okay? Trust me." The real reason Topanga didn't want Riley to shadow her was that she was currently defending a man she knew was guilty of murder. The evidence presented itself, but as her job required, she was supposed to defend her client at all times. She didn't tell Riley because she didn't want to cloud her judgment on the law just yet, and she didn't want the first case her daughter learned about to be the one she was currently working on. It would set an ugly example and she didn't want her to know about it just yet.

"Well, just know you're still my favorite lawyer."

"Thank you, Riley. Now go get the cups your father should be home soon."

As if on cue, Cory Matthews stepped inside his apartment and set his coat down on the hanger. When his attention turned to Riley, his expression fell and the brunette noticed it.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Did you do it?" he asked his eighteen-year-old daughter. She was standing in the kitchen completely unaware of the knowledge he knew, but the fact that she seemed casual just a few seconds before he asked her showed that she in no way was feeling sorry for her error.

Riley turned to her mom, confused as to what her dad was asking. "Do what? What are you talking about?"

"Cory, what's wrong?" Topanga chimed in, noticing her husband's expression.

"Lucas told me all about it. Did you do it?" he asked once again, part of the reason he was asking the complete question was that he wanted his daughter to openly confess to it, without directly being asked about her mistake.

"Dad, I don't know what you're talking about. What - "

"Lucas told me his Chemistry grade randomly dropped after the two of you got into an argument. He says he was called into the office during the period you were supposed to be grading his Chemistry test. Did you drop his grade on purpose?"

Riley stood there in silence not registering what he had asked. She never expected him to find out about it and it was at that moment that she realized the trouble she had gotten herself into.

"What?" her mom asked, unable to believe the accusation. "Cory, why would you think that?"

"Topanga, he dropped a whole letter grade based on a test that was 10% of his grade. He also says he knew the material and that he was supposed to get a good grade. And I believe him. Either way, it doesn't make sense, his grade wouldn't drop that low unless it was done on purpose. Did you do it, Riley?"

She could only stand there in silence. Her cocoa orbs clouded in confoundment at the way he received her.

"This is ridiculous. Riley wouldn't do something like that. She wouldn't."

"I can get to the bottom of this if I wanted to," he continued, staring at her. "I'm good friends with Mr. Sims I can ask him all about it. But I want to hear it from you, Riley, did you drop his grade on purpose?"

"Cory, do you hear yourself? You're accusing our daughter of something she would never do in a million years. You're basing this off of a complete misunderstanding, Riley wouldn't do this - "

"I did," she confessed. She couldn't stand to hear her mom defend her when she was guilty of doing what she was being accused of. "It was me."

The silence following her confession was unlike anything she could ever hear. She could feel her father staring daggers into her while her mom was shocked at the response.

"You did?" he questioned once again and she nodded.

Her eyes began to tear up as she felt both her parent's eyes land on her. She had never felt so judged by them and she only had herself to blame for the mistake. She wanted Lucas to feel her pain, but it backfired and blew up on her face. Truth was, she never expected him to talk to her dad about it. Lucas wasn't the type of guy to do that, but now that he had, it made her wonder how bad their argument must've been for him to resort to such an extreme measure.

"Riley, can you go to your room your father and I need to discuss some things?"

She was getting ready to leave when her dad stopped her, "That's not it. I have something else to ask her. It's a yes or no question I don't want anything else."

She nodded.

"Did you get high with Charlie Gardner?"

Her face froze. He wasn't supposed to know that. Not know not ever. The tears in her eyes pooled as she glanced up at him, knowing what she was about to say next was going to ruin the image her parents believed her to be. "...I did."

He sighed, disappointedly. He turned to Topanga looking for what to say or do next, but all she could do was shrug. They've never gotten her in trouble for something she's done, especially something as big as this. "You're gonna call that boy and apologize. He really cares for you and what you did to him is unacceptable. Do you know how that makes you look, Riley? Your mother and I raised you better than this."

She continued to cry. Everything she'd done had begun to eat her, picking at her morals and questioning herself and her actions.

"I'm disappointed in you, Riley."

That night, Riley's energy had become nonexistent. She didn't have the heart to argue with Lucas anymore and all she could bring herself to do was call him. She needed to be around him and to apologize. She needed to see him and to succumb to his comfort. At times like these, he seemed to be the only person that would be there for her and understand what she was going through.

Even though she recognized that Lucas was the one who had turned this all on her, she was entirely aware that she could tell her parents about all the things he'd done to her. They'd realize that what she did compared to the things he's done was nothing and she'd have their love and support again, but that would come at the expense of Lucas'. And she loved him too much to let that happen to him.

Plus, the embarrassment she felt from her dad pointing out her errors was too much for her to handle and she wasn't sure she could face him just yet.

When she felt her phone vibrate, she didn't even need to check who it was to know Lucas was outside her room. It was a habit she had picked up, she knew him so well, she basically knew when he'd text her without even having a reason to.

"Hey," she said to him as she joined him outside on the fire escape. He was wearing a nice gray sweater and his hair was touseled from the gust of wind that passed by every few seconds.

"Hey," he said back as she sat beside him.

The silence between them was just as awkward as the one she experienced with her parents. They sat beside each other not knowing what to say or when to apologize. All they could do was stare out into the city and admire the stars along with it.

She had just gotten out of her shower and her hair was still damp, she wore pajamas and a blanket to shield herself from the cold. In a way what she was wearing perfectly represented the way she felt. Overwhelmed.

When she turned to look at him, presumably caving in defeat, Lucas could sense how delicate she was from the sound of her voice. All the scrutiny she was put through by her parents had taken a toll on her and it was obvious, she was fragile and in desperate need of a hug.

In a way, she was glad he did what he did in order to get her to realize what she was doing was wrong. The longer they stayed away the harder it would be for them to return to each other, no matter the reasoning for the distance between them would be. She couldn't be mad at him for making an effort and doing something that potentially saved their relationship.

"Did they get you in trouble?" Lucas finally asked. The silence was too much for him to handle and he needed to hear her voice again.

Riley nodded, "Grounded. Two weeks."

"Can I still see you?" He asked innocently, his expectant gaze saying it all. She pulled him closer and leaned her head on his shoulder, "You kidding? They love you right now."

He threw his arm around the brunette and kissed her head. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier today in my car. I didn't mean that I was just upset."

"I'm sorry too. I'll talk to Mr. Sim's first thing in the morning and I'll tell him that I lowered your grade - "

"No," he interjected, waving her off. "Don't do that. He'll suspend you if you do and that will only make things worse."

She sniffled, her plump lips and flushed face taking its full effect. Of course, he'd protect her despite what she did. That's just the way he was and that's why she loved him. He always forgave her.

"When I said - "

"We don't need to talk about it, it's fine." The brunette didn't want to dwell on that feeling for too long, nor did she want to be fighting with her boyfriend. She only wanted to dismiss the entire thing. Everything was still new to her and she hated the way she acted, it made her feel terrible about herself and she wasn't interested in revisiting any of those emotions. "I love you."

He turned her chin towards him and kissed her lips. It was a complicated process. The only time he could live with what he's done to her and accept how unfairly he treated her, was in the moments he was kissing her.

And he was willing to succumb to that every time.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: As always let me know what you think. I love reading your reviews and I always respond. And I don't really like to do this, but we're so close to a hundred reviews. It'd mean a lot if we could reach that milestone together.**

**Stay safe!**

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	20. 19: Fights & Revelations

**A/N: Hi guys, just wanted to say that this story is close to being done. There's a lot left to go, but it all wraps neatly into a nice bow that I can't wait for you guys to read. There's so much I'm excited for and as you guys are reading this chapter I am currently working on the last. There's also something important I'd like to reveal towards the bottom of the A/N, I feel like this is something I've hinted at but haven't really drawn much attention to. On another note, just wanted to thank you guys for reading this story. I means the world to me and I hope you guys learn something from it. Cause...if you haven't then DON'T LET TOXIC PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE. Y'ALL ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY ABUSED! **

**Hey: Rucas is super complex and I mean extremely complex even to me. But I should remind you that none of their friends know about their toxicity. Riley doesn't share it with her friends because she knows how they'll react - Maya has her own suspicions but she doesn't know much - as for Lucas he doesn't tell his friends anything. And they both don't really know it's toxic they just think it's... complicated. And they are too young to be putting themselves through this kind of relationship. Most toxic relationships fall through the ages of 16 to 23 - crucial years in a young adults life. As for the endgame part...you'll have to tune in. **

**Damn: Damn indeed. I know how it's all going done, it's been planned for months, but I definitely think it's special in it's own way. **

**Guest: Hope you enjoy. **

** .Thee: I love your review, thank you. And that was one of my main goals, I wanted you guys to be angry and stressed, even upset at the way things were going. These are all normal responses. It's the way people from the outside looking in feel, but the people on the inside are truly blind to everything and they're the center of it, it's just going through their noses. I hope this chapter evokes a similar response. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 19**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

Riley walked into the girl's bathroom during school and sat in the bathroom stall. She needed to be somewhere she could hear Viola for their call to continue. She couldn't stand the noise coming from Lucas and his friends so she opted to go somewhere private and quiet: the bathroom. "Can you hear me now?" she asked.

"Yes, that's much better," Viola answered. "I was just calling to tell you that I can do this weekend at ten in the morning. You'd have to come with your mom to work and you'd spend the rest of the day in my office watching me do what I do."

The brunette had to suppress her need to squeal and jump up and down in excitement. "I'll be there. 10 a.m. sharp. Thank you so much for doing this Viola, you have no idea how much you've helped me. It's insane."

"You don't need to thank me. I should be the one thanking you, it means a lot that you accepted my help. Hey, listen, I have to let you go I have a meeting with a client, but let me know if anything changes. Okay? I'll see you this weekend."

"Bye, Viola. Thanks again."

When the call ended, Riley was ready to exit the bathroom, but something stopped her. It was Victoria. She was talking to someone on the opposite side of the bathroom and Riley could hear them perfectly.

"...he's always with her, I seriously don't know how I'm gonna get him alone again. He's like one of those guys that always obeys and is on his best behavior whenever his girl is around, but the second they're alone...that's when they're really fun."

"And he rejected your last invite?" the girl beside Victoria asked. "That's so unlike him. He was always down."

"I think it's Riley," she continued.

Riley's interest suddenly peaked. That's when she concluded that the guy they were previously talking about was Lucas.

"You can just tell she's the controlling type. She's probably telling him that if he goes anywhere without her that she'd ruin his life. You know, all that crazy girl shit? I mean do you remember that time in class when she called him a dumbass in front of everyone?"

"Yeah, girl. That was wild. I'm surprised she didn't get in trouble for that."

"I just..." she growled in frustration. "I came so close last time. I've been thinking about it ever since. That kiss was...I'm still thinking about it. I swear if he didn't leave when he did I'm sure we would've fucked. I just know his dick big," Victoria commented, lusting over Lucas. "He's packing, he has to. He's too hot to have a small dick. How big do you think it is? 6 to 7 inches?"

"Try 9 to 10," Riley corrected as she pushed open the stall and narrowed her eyes on her. Just then, the girl she was talking to timidly walked out the bathroom leaving Victoria all alone. Seeing her stunned only brought a rush of energy through her body that she couldn't exactly explain.

"Riley, I had no idea you were here - "

"But you do now," she revealed, stepping closer to her as if to intimidate her. "So, what else are you wondering about Lucas? You know, since you're so curious?"

"Uh," Riley grinned at the girl's inability to speak. She looked like a deer caught in headlights and she was enjoying it much than she should, "I -"

"...cause it seemed like you had a lot of questions."

She nervously ran a hand through her hair, "I was playing, Riles. It was girl talk."

"You were playing?" she questioned. Riley had never felt this before, she was so angry at Victoria for talking about Lucas like that when she had no right to. It made her think of all the times she could've thirsted over him or acted on it. "Stay away from Lucas," she warned, "Or I swear to God Victoria I will slap the shit out of you."

She turned on her heels and headed for the door, but stopped when she heard the dark-haired girl speak. "You don't go through your boyfriend's phone enough to know he's the one always asking to see me," she snarled, flashing the biggest smirk in existence.

Just then, Riley felt her fists ball and before she knew it, she was being sent to the principal's office while Victoria was being accompanied by the school's nurse.

Since Riley had gotten into a fight, she was immediately sent home. Her parents were notified and Cory insisted she go to his class so he could talk to her. She knew from the beginning that she was in for a lecture, a long one at that, but if she was completely honest, she didn't care. She was glad Victoria got what she deserved, even if it meant she was the one getting in trouble for it.

By the time she got there, word got out and half of the school knew. Maya and Isadora were the first to call her, but she didn't answer. She texted them and told them she would explain everything later, but for now she was going to witness her father's wrath; who hadn't exactly been too fond of her behavior recently.

Cory's class was empty by the time she got there. He glanced at her and for a few moments he was concerned, but then authority washed over him and his face fell flat. "Take a seat."

"Take a seat?" she questioned him. That was so unlike him, he would've never said that to her nonetheless spoken to her in that tone, the tone he used when he was getting one of his students in trouble, not his daughter. It was clear from that instant that she was being punished by Cory Matthews the Teacher, not her father. She followed his directions and sat down in front of her dad. Had Riley not been acting the way she currently was, he'd rush to her side and comfort her, but given the circumstances, he decided to push that off for later.

"So now your fighting girls at school?" he asked, disappointed. "Riley, what is this behavior? Your mother and I raised you better than this. We never, not once, told you fighting was okay, so why was today the day you decided to do that?"

She didn't have the heart to tell him. He wouldn't understand the context behind it, plus, telling him would mean that she'd have to confess to the year-long arguments she'd gotten into with Lucas; and that would only make matters worse.

And telling him the reason she got into a fight at school was that another was talking about her boyfriend was your typical high school cliche, and she didn't want her dad to judge her for it.

"I asked you a question," he reminded, noticing her hesitation.

Riley wished there was another way she could get out of this, but she couldn't. She didn't want to be talked down by her dad, she wanted to be left alone and congratulated because Victoria had it coming. "I don't like her, okay?" the way the words rolled off her tongue surprised her, she never intended to sound so careless. "It was bound to happen anyway."

Cory sat back on his seat, disappointed in her response. "That's really what you're gonna say right now?"

She didn't answer him.

"Riley, I want to understand you. I know this isn't you and I'm not sure if this is some young adult personality change that you're going through, but if something is wrong then I need to know. You can talk to me."

Silence.

Cory released and deep and prolonged sigh. "You're grounded - "

"I'm already grounded - " she reminded.

"I don't care. And forget about that pageant show, you're not going to that either."

"Riley," a voice from the hallway called out. Her head shot up as she stared at a worried Lucas. "Hey, I heard what happened. I came as fast as I could. Are you okay?" His hands instinctively went to her bruised chin then down to her scraped hand, leaning forward to examen her more carefully. "You're bleeding."

"It's not mine," she informed, causing Lucas to step back. It was already unlike Riley to get into a fight but to cause her opponent to bleed told a different story. "And I'm fine, I just...punched her. She's...whatever."

"It's not whatever, Riley," Lucas exclaimed, touching her face once more. "You got into a fight."

"I know," she sighed, "I get it, I was there! I know I got into a fight. You guys are both overreacting."

Lucas turned back to look at her father, "Mr. Matthews," he greeted with a nod before turning back to his girlfriend, "Everyone at school is saying you started it, is that true?"

She didn't want to tell him, especially when her dad was there, but the only thing that was worse than getting in trouble by her dad was getting in trouble by Lucas. She nodded, "Yeah. I did."

He sighed and looked into her eyes, he was still surprised by the fact that _his_ Riley Matthews had gotten into a fight. "Why? How did this start?"

Riley was silent for a moment as she considered telling him. She was never the type of person who refused to confess something out of embarrassment because she was never put in that situation but standing in front of Lucas and telling him felt just like that. She knew she could tell him everything, but this time it was different. Telling him the context behind it would be admitting to him that she was still hurt and insecure about their relationship after he cheated.

She spent so much time trying to prove to her that she wasn't, but she was.

"Dad, can we have a moment... alone?"

He looked down at his work and wanted to say no, but judging from the way Lucas cared about Riley, he knew the teen was going to be able to get through to her. The more and more he got to know the young guy, the more he was convinced Lucas was the one for Riley. "Sure. I'll be in the staff room, but only for ten minutes."

Riley nodded, "Thank you."

When her dad was gone, she walked towards the door and closed it shut before turning around to face her boyfriend.

"Riley, what's going on?" Lucas asked, noticing her close the door as if what she was about to reveal was top secret.

"Are you seeing Victoria behind my back?"

Lucas' face dropped, "I'm not. I promise. Swear," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, "You can even check for yourself, I promise."

She leaned back on her desk, believing him. If he was, he would've never offered up his phone. "I lost it," she confessed, wiping a tear from her eye. "She's so into you I couldn't realize she was lying to me about you guys seeing each other. She said that to spite me and to get a reaction out of me I gave her what she wanted."

Lucas furrowed his brows in confusion, not entirely sure he understood. "You fought Victoria?"

Riley nodded, ashamed of herself. The guilt had kicked in and she hated herself for feeling like that. She had every right to react. "Yeah, I caught her talking about you in the bathroom and I punched her."

"Victoria?" he asked once more, searching for confirmation. He was unable to wrap his head around Riley's words. "Victoria Baxter?"

"Yes," she confirmed, slightly irritated. "Did I stutter? She's into you and she's such a bitch."

"I didn't know that she was. Guess I never paid attention to it."

"You didn't know," she felt herself grow more irritated. "Lucas, c'mon," she exclaimed, lightly pushing his shoulder. "I could see it if from a mile away if I wanted to."

"Who cares then?" he began, grabbing her hands. "I'm with you. I love you, all right? That's all that matters, baby."

She wished that had been enough to solve everything, but it wasn't. Victoria's comment and her dad's lecture had ruined her entire day and mood. Without thinking, she brought Lucas closer to her and confessed the only leverage she had on him. "I know you guys made out on Halloween a year ago. Talk to her again, Lucas, even for a minute, and the next person I give a black eye is gonna be you."

His eyes were frozen as he watched her take a step back. He couldn't believe that Riley now knew something that could potentially harm their relationship once again. When she picked up her backpack and nudged his shoulder as she walked away, Lucas wanted to tell her something, but he couldn't bring the words out. He was scared she'd react negatively and break up with him off the bat, so he decided to let her go.

Giving himself time to think about ways he would recover from this one.

_**ooo**_

Riley parked her car in front of Lucas' house.

Watching him near her car, in his Nike sweater and blue jeans, reminded her of a time when she would've felt her stomach blow up with butterflies at the sight of him. She would've felt her cheeks blush and her heart race, but now - after everything - she couldn't imagine feeling that.

She felt her mind wander to a few days ago when everything seemed perfect between them. If she thought back hard enough, she could still feel the range of emotions she currently wanted to feel, but with everything that happened, she was unable to make them last.

The troubles from her relationship with Lucas had shifted onto her relationship with her parents and it was taking a toll on her happiness. She felt sorry for the way things were between them, she loved them deeply and found comfort in knowing that she hadn't disappointed them, but that was no longer true. Her parents saw her in a different light, through a different set of lens, and it saddened her that their relationship had become strained.

She was almost always open and free around them, but lately she had kept to herself and no longer greeted them when she came home from school. To Riley it felt like she was living with strangers. Except for her little brother Auggie who invited her to his room and made her feel good about herself. He knew she was grounded and did what he could to entertain her; which meant listening to him sing occasionally.

She was sorry for disappointing her parents, but she wasn't sorry for sabotaging Lucas' grade.

Since she was grounded, she spent a lot of time reflecting on what she'd one. Countless hours of staring at her room searching for something to do allowed Riley to come to the conclusion that she wasn't sorry. Lucas had insulted her and, sure, she had done the same, but on top of those insults Lucas had also been a jealous freak and a cheater.

She had every right to react. This was logical to her and to her only because nobody close to her knew why she did what she did. She hadn't told them which is why they were so disappointed in her.

The moment she found out about Zuri, everything changed. Even the way she felt about Lucas. She still loved him of course, but she didn't care about their relationship as much. Normally, she would race the speed of light to fix their mistakes, but now, she didn't care as much. When things were going downhill, she no longer tried to find a way to change their course, instead, she held on and hoped they wouldn't crash and burn.

Driving to Lucas' house made her feel hopeful in a way. It had been the first time she was able to leave her own in three days and hang out with her friends outside of school and it felt like a blessing. She was allowed to leave her house because her parents never stayed true to their word when it came to grounding her. And the fact that she would be at a school event also convinced him to let her go. Ironically, Cory only allowed her to go after he found out she would be with Lucas - he was convinced the teen was a good influence for her. If only he knew, she thought.

As soon as Lucas got inside the car, the environment got awkward. He didn't know what to do or what to say around her. Normally, he'd kiss her cheek or say hello, but after everything that happened, he didn't know what he was allowed to do anymore. One wrong move on his behalf can spark an argument.

He decided to tempt his fate. "Hey."

"Hi," she responded, hardly adding any enthusiasm to the word.

"They let you out, that's good." Everything about her appearance, even down to the way she stared let Lucas know she did not want to be around him. Or she was still angry with him and there were things she was bound to yell at him for if she got angry.

"Yeah, they're convinced you're a good person," her words spat like venom and stung him, but he didn't draw any attention to them. Instead, he moved to put his seatbelt on.

"We should get going, the show's gonna start soon."

She moved to turn on the car. In doing so, she caught the smell of something she had recognized before. Her eyes shot up to see him and in that moment she knew what was going on.

Lucas smelled like weed.

She could tell he was unaware of her discovery, but the underlying scent in his jacket gave it away. He was probably so used to the smell that he couldn't tell when it was on him.

Her jaw locked as her hands gripped the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white. She was even more upset with him now. Part of the reason Riley was in trouble was because Lucas snitched her out for doing the exact same thing he was doing now. She was also mad at him because they had gotten into countless arguments about it in the past and in every single one, she pointed out his hypocrisy. He was so against her doing it, but there he was, getting high behind her back. Instead of arguing about it like she normally would, Riley decided to be mature about.

She wasn't gonna let it go, that was out the table.

Instead, Riley Matthews was going to ruin his day another way.

And she knew exactly what to do.

When they made it to their school's auditorium, Lucas was starting to miss doing these fun pageant shows for the school. He won last year's competition and the year before that and he enjoyed it everytime . Aside from lacrosse and football, this provided another opportunity for the school to applaud him.

He was the king of their school after all and he hated that Riley didn't let him do it this year. In fact he didn't even want to come, he saw no point in it if he wasn't going to be a part of it, but he still showed up because he wanted to spend time with her - especially since he wanted things to go back to normal.

As soon as they got there, Riley needed to use the bathroom. Lucas took her ticket and waited for her to come out, occasionally greeting his friends as they walked by. He didn't know it at the time, but Riley had seen Missy Bradford crying in there. She didn't know why she was crying or anything, but she didn't bring herself to ask. She knew the teen was going to throw a fit if she expressed concern for her.

Instead she walked out and kept it to herself. They walked inside the auditorium, handing their teachers their ticket and taking a seat on the third row of the auditorium.

"Welcome to our 14th annual pageant show where, yes, ladies and gentlemen - you heard right - teenage boys are critiqued on their talent and appearance. Every year we try to make things a little different by incorporating new themes into our show. This year's theme is A Rainy Day in New York as you can see by all the decorations," Bailey Williams gestured towards the auditorium. "I will be your host for the night," she announced before twirling in her umbrella. "So without further ado, let me introduce you to this year's contestants. First off we have Adrian Michael. Adrian was voted Best Smile for the class of 2021 and participated in multiple community events such as Trunk Or Treat and Mason's Festival. Adrian enjoys spending time with his friends and playing video games."

"This next contestant is the fastest swimmer our school has ever seen. He may be short, he may be shy, but he's still a better swimmer than you," the crowd laughed. "Please welcome Alex Hewitt."

As soon as she introduced every contestant, that contestant stepped out and modeled their outfit. The crowd cheered them on, the contestant struck a pose, and returned to their previous position.

She went on to introduce everybody, repeating their own respective introduction and modeling their outfit. And once Bailey got to Zay, Riley knew this was her moment to get back at Lucas for everything he'd done.

"Our next contestant is Zay Babineaux. He's captain of the basketball team and get this ladies and gentleman, co-captain of the football team. He plans to attend NYU after high school and wants to major in kinesiology. He likes long walks on the beach and will beat you at a dance battle. Everybody please give him a round of applause."

"Zay! Woooo!" she cheered loudly along with the rest of the crowd, causing Lucas to glare at her for a few seconds.

"Doesn't he look great?" Bailey asked the audience as Zay modeled.

"Woooooo," Riley cheered.

"Take it off!" A girl from behind them yelled.

"I would like to see it," another chimed causing the audience to laugh.

Once Riley was done cheering and sat back down, Lucas knew this was going to be a problem. Seeing his girlfriend cheer on another guy with enthusiasm she failed to give him, made him upset. He wanted to tell her to calm down and to stop being so loud, but he knew he was in no place to tell her anything about her behavior. She would quickly turn the argument on him and he'd lose once again. To prevent any of that from happening, Lucas kept his displeasure to himself, he pretended like none of it mattered to him and that he was unfazed by it, but it did no good. If anything it only made him more upset.

With so many thoughts and emotions racing through his head and body, it was impossible for Lucas to keep his composure and facial expressions. He was clearly upset about something and Riley took notice of it. As of lately, it felt like she could sense his discomfort and anger more than his happiness and love. It'd become a sense that she developed through all the arguing they've done.

Her behaviour continued throughout the entire show and Lucas couldn't help, but clench his unshaven jaw throughout. He could feel the beginning stages of his anger and it did more than just anger him, but annoy him as well.

Part of the reason Riley kept cheering him on was that she knew about Lucas telling Zay and Charlie to stay away from her. If he heard her being so supportive of Zay then he'd realize that telling them to stay away from her wasn't doing anything. It made him attempt powerless and unsuccessful.

She also knew Lucas had a tendency to get jealous whenever his friends, or any guys he didn't know were around her. His hostility towards the guys he suspected of her liking hadn't gone unnoticed either and it frightened her.

By the time the show was coming to an end and it was time to announce the winning contestant, Lucas had enough of Riley. He was upset with her and he was even more upset that she hadn't gotten the message he was mad. She would turn to him occasionally and he made it obvious every time that he was angry, but she continued to cheer Zay on anyways.

"This year's winning contestant and the 14th winner of Abigail Adams High School pageant show is… Zay Babineaux."

"WOOOO! ZAY!" Riley cheered as the crowd applauded. The dark-skinned teen came out and accepted his crown, waved to the crowd before walking back.

The girl, on the other hand, that had announced Zay as the winner had caught Lucas' attention. She wore a nice skin tight dress with dark makeup and curled hair. Curiosity getting the better of him, Lucas began to examine her. She was very beautiful with brown skin and dark hair and if he was being completely honest, her figure wasn't exactly unflattering.

As he got lost in thought, he heard a sudden and distinct feminine "ahem" beside him. Apparently he had been so caught up in checking her out that he hadn't realized he was making it obvious.

"What were you looking at," She challenged, eagerly awaiting an answer.

He looked away, refraining. "Nothing. Just glad our friend won. C'mon. Let's go."

_**ooo**_

"There he is," Riley cheered for Zay the second the pageant was over. He was backstage being congratulated by his other friends when she joined in, Lucas trailing behind.

When he turned to her, he was a little hesitant to talk to her, but he did anyway. He was holding a bouquet that had been given to him when he won, but he set it down to accept Riley's hug. "I didn't know you were gonna be here."

"I wasn't gonna miss it," she watched Lucas and Zay do their handshake. "To be honest none of the other contestants had a chance."

"Yeah, well, that's good to hear. Did you hear me mess up my line?" Zay asked, "I thought I blew it."

"No, I honestly didn't. I think you were fine you should've heard the other girls though, you got some fans."

"I sure do," he said, brushing his shoulders off. "I'ght, look I got to go now, I agreed to go with my friends out to eat. But thanks again for coming."

"Yeah. Go, have fun. Celebrate."

"Thank you," Zay turned to grab his bouquet before heading out the door. The second he was gone, Riley met Lucas' gaze. He looked serious and ready to go home.

"Okay. Now we can go."

When they made it to her car, Riley could tell Lucas was bothered by something in the way he slammed her door. When he turned to her and eyed her sternly, she knew she had been successful in pissing him off.

If his eyes weren't on her, she would've smirked.

"You had fun tonight," he remarked.

She nodded, only wanting to upset him. "Of course I did, Zay was the best part of the show."

"Yeah that was kind of hard to miss. You didn't let me forget it."

"You should be glad you didn't do it, he would've embarrassed you. Like not trying to be rude or anything, but he's more talented than you. For sure."

"Is he now?" Lucas asked, dryly.

Riley nodded. "You don't have the range, baby."

He looked out his window, releasing a loud yet clear scoff.

"You sound upset," she noted with the slightest bit of interest. She rounded the corner and turned onto a different street before looking at him.

"Yeah, Riley, I kind of fucking am!"

"So, the usual. You know at this point I just need to stare at a guy for you to complain about it," she snarled.

He scratched the back of his head, "You realize Zay won because I wasn't apart of the show, right? That's the only reason."

Riley didn't care. Zay winning provided the perfect opportunity to make Lucas' mad.

"Why'd you cheer him on like that?" he asked. "What was the reason?"

"Why does it bother you so much - ?"

"Why does it bother me?" he parroted as if saying it twice would make more sense to him. "It bothers me because you've been acting single all night!"

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed at his girlfriend's naivety. "The only guy you should be cheering on like that is me. Otherwise it sends the wrong message."

She laughed "That's your concern. You're literally the only guy I know that would get mad at his girlfriend for cheering on another guy. Literally! And it's so fucking annoying."

"Annoying?"

"Yes. Annoying!"

"You want to know what's annoying? Having to stay an hour after school to make up for a grade that you dropped! That's what's annoying!"

"Now that I think about I'm doing you a favor," she said to him. "There's no way you were on track to graduate after the grades you were pulling."

"That's for me to worry about, all right? I can take care of my grades -"

"Really? Then why'd you ask me to help you that one time? You know when we got caught cheating, and we both got zeros on our test and got sent to detention. Or when you asked me to raise your Chemistry grade a few weeks ago?"

"I knew you'd bring that shit up! And why does it matter anymore if I did those things, you dropped my grade back down. You know what, now that we're talking about it how much did I really get on that test you said I failed? Huh?"

She didn't say anything.

"Oh, so now you wanna be quiet? Now you're mute."

"Well, since we want to know things now, how's Zuri?" she questioned, her intention wasn't to get mad, that was something she was trying to do to him, but his remarks had upset her too. "I haven't heard from her in a while is she still sending you pictures of her boobs?"

Instinctively, Lucas punched her dashboard.

And now that she had gotten a reaction out of him, she wasn't sure it was something she wanted anymore. Lucas had never gotten mad at something they were arguing about and felt the need to punch something. This was the first time, she'd ever seen him like this and she didn't like it.

But for some reason, some unknown reason, she still wanted to get him angry. "A B-."

"What are you talking about?"

"That was your grade," she said to him.

Lucas paused for a long second. He shifted his attention back to her and murmured a few words before yelling, "Fuck, Riley! A fucking B-! That's the highest grade I've ever gotten in that class! I spent the entire night studying for that test! And you chose that day to fuck me up?"

Hearing him yell at her like this reminded her of the guilt she felt a few days ago when her dad was getting her in trouble for what she had done. The guilt made her want to curl in a ball and hide under her blankets, she felt the need to cry, but she only hated him more for having that effect on her.

"You shouldn't have gotten us caught."

He took a deep breath, "That's just low, Riley!"

She stopped the car in front of her apartment and turned to him. She had been so busy arguing with him that she missed the turn to his house and drove to hers instead. But she decided to use that against him. "Well if it bothers you so much why don't you drive your ass home?"

"Hey! Hey, where you going?" he exclaimed as she got off her car. "Riley! You know I can't." Since Principal Butler called his parents to tell them about Lucas' grades, they grounded him and took away his keys. Which is why Riley drove him to the show. "Riley, it has to be a thirty-minute walk! You're really gonna do that to me?"

"Maybe it'll give you some time to actually think about why I did what I did," she revealed, "You seem to forget that."

Staring at her from the inside of her car, Lucas had taken a different perspective on their argument. He felt like someone staring at their relationship from the outside in and it was much easier to pinpoint their flaws.

His relationship with Riley had always come with its share of unnecessary conflict. She enjoyed testing his boundaries and fell in awe of the way she could make him react, whether it was good or bad. Despite his protests she had brought to light and attacked every one of his insecurities, she criticized his morality and personality and questioned his integrity. She did this so much so he'd eventually give up and take them on as part of his new identity. She was cruel when she wanted to be and Lucas understood that because she knew him so well, she'd be the only one capable of breaking his heart.

He decided to get out the car and chase after her. Their unresolved conflict couldn't go unhandled.

He made it to her apartment and stepped inside without knocking. Riley had mentioned to him before that her parents weren't home so he felt safe enough to do the gesture.

"Lucas, get out of my house."

"No. We're not done talking."

"Well, I am. Now, get out."

He didn't budge. Instead he just crossed his arms and stared at her. "I'm not leaving."

"Fine! Then just stand there looking like an idiot, I'm going to my room."

"Why are you doing this? he asked. "If I were Zay would you be walking away from me like this?"

She stopped in her tracks, "First of all, chill the fuck out with the Zay comments. Why do you keep doing that? What's your problem with him?"

He didn't say anything. "I don't got no problem."

"Yeah, I don't believe you." Lucas had made it obvious. That was the thing she hated the most, he didn't try to hide his anger or his jealousy. He was the type of person to show his emotions to intimidate other people. She noticed that earlier today when she was talking to Zay. "You know what, Lucas, I don't even want to talk to you."

She started heading for the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, you're not leaving," he said getting in the way of the door. "We're not done talking."

"Yes. We are. I'm done, this argument's over." She turned for her room.

"No, not until I say I am. Reacting on impulse, Lucas reached for her arm and spun her around. "You're not leaving!"

She stared down venomously at the hand holding her hostage. She squirmed in his grasp as she attempted to pull her arm back, but he refused. "Lucas, LET me go!"

"No, we're not done talking!" he informed, raising his voice. When he realized what he had done he took a deep breath, "Riley, we said we wouldn't leave angry. You made a promise, remember?."

"That was before you started acting like an asshole. I'm not gonna keep doing this anymore. If you're not going to act right then I don't want to talk to you."

She tried to leave once again, but he wouldn't let her. She huffed in frustration as she jerked her arm left and right to free herself, but she couldn't. "If you don't let go, I'm gonna scream."

He tensed almost immediately if she screamed she'd attract unnecessary attention and possibly alert her neighbors. "I'll let go," he reassured, his words were a white flag waving high. He hated that he'd grabbed her in the first place, but he really wanted her to stay. The second she was free she would walk out on him and refuse to talk to him and he didn't want that. "But I'm gonna need you to calm down first."

"You're gonna need me to calm down?" she parroted, even angrier than before.

He took a deep breath realizing he had only made it worse. Riley was generally a very humble and gentle person, but she was also capable of leaning into violent territory if she had the right moment. And it seemed like any given argument with him would justify her reactions. That was enough to make him let go of her arm and take a step back, his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry."

She glared at him menacingly before releasing a sigh, taking a moment to calm herself down. She felt an overwhelming sensation to yell at him and to throw things at him, but she didn't want to dwell on that feeling for too long, she didn't like it, especially when it was directed at the person she loved the most.

"Can we please talk?" he insisted, almost like he was begging her.

She stared daggers in his direction and she could tell that he had gotten the message, he seemed resigned and doubtful, and she was tempted to walk away. She hated that he couldn't understand how upset she was, it was like every day he made a mistake and failed to understand the severity of his actions.

She refrained from doing what she truly wanted to do and nodded.

"Thank you," he said as she took a step back and regained her composure.

"Yeah, well," she began, brushing down her shirt from her hands, "This is my house. You're the one that needs to leave."

"After we talk."

When she glanced up to see him and she stared at his pitiful expression, Riley realized she couldn't do it. Arguing with him brought out the worst in her and she couldn't control herself. "Fine, you want to talk, Lucas? Can we finally talk about it? Can-can we finally talk about Zuri? Victoria? Um, let's see that one girl _Emilia or whatever her name was _you told me to stay away from. Yeah, we spoke a few days ago, she told me about the messages. Or let's talk about Zay? Yeah, let's talk about how he's your best friend but for some reason you don't want him near me! Yeah I know about that too! Let's talk about you snitching me out to my parents for doing the shit you do! How's that joint you were smoking earlier? Do you want to talk about your dad too? Is he giving you a hard time?"

By the time Riley had made her way down to the comment about his dad, she had hit every nerve and broken any kind of resolution. Their chances of making up were far beyond reach and all he could bring himself to do was cover his eyes so she wouldn't see him cry.

"I really wish you hadn't fucked up so many times," she continued. "You know I used to blame myself for the way you would act. I would feel like I wasn't enough for you to change and that I was the reason you kept breaking my heart, but after all this time, all this arguing, and all this crying, I've realized that this is all you. It's always been you who has fucked up."

He looked down at the ground, his gleaming eyes failing to meet hers. The corners of his mouth fell. His emerald eyes had gone dark, as fading to gray. Seeing him this way made her physically ache, but in the middle of their argument she refused to succumb to it. She'd know he'd be upset, but she never imagined the hopeless expression on his face. Never would she have thought to hold such power over someone, especially not someone like him. But there it was. She had finally won and took absolutely no joy in the victory. "Now get out of my house."

_**ooo**_

An hour after Lucas was gone and her parents were back home, Riley was in her room working on her homework assignments. She was listening to music trying to forget everything that happened with Lucas, but nothing seemed to get her mind off him. She made him cry by pointing out his wrongdoings and it seemed to have a similar effect on her.

She'd never intentionally been so rude to anyone before, but him, and it was coming back to bite her. Before she could get lost in thought, her mom walked inside her room and sat beside her. "Hey, just checking in on you. How was the show?"

"Good. Yeah, it was good. I had a lot of fun," the brunette had no intention in telling her the truth. "How was dinner?"

"It was fine for the most part, but your brother didn't like his food. So we had to drive him to Popeyes. You know how he is?"

She laughed.

"Working on your homework, I assume."

"Yeah. Here I am using the Pythagorean Theorem to save my grade. Had nothing better to do."

"I'm so glad you never asked us for help on your homework," she said caressing her daughter's cheek, "You got your intelligence from me. Auggie, on the other hand, takes after his father."

They both chuckled at the joke, "Hey can I ask you something."

She turned to her mom, "Yeah. Go for it."

"The neighbors called, they told me that there was a lot of arguing coming from our apartment. I wasn't home so I didn't know what they were talking about but I was wondering if you did?"

She looked at her mom and realized she couldn't lie to her. She knew that after all the tension that had been passed around with her parents it was best if she told the truth...well at least part of it.

"Lucas and I got into an argument, mom. But it was no big deal we worked everything out."

"An argument?" she asked intently, "Did this argument have anything to do with what happened a few days ago?"

She was hesitant, but she nodded. "Yeah. We thought we could ignore it and move on from it, but we were wrong. It wasn't helping and we started arguing about it, but we're okay now. We worked things out. You don't need to worry about it, mom."

"Are you sure, sweetie? I mean...this stuff is heavy. It's intense."

"Yeah, mom. We're okay. Trust me Lucas and I can recover from anything."

"Okay," she nodded, standing up from her daughter's bed. "I trust you. Lights out by 11:30, okay?"

"Okay. Got it!"

_**ooo**_

When Zay got home from a night out with his friends, the first thing he did was play videogames. It was his favorite part about a long day; the second he touched his couch, his fingers on the game control, he dozed off into a different world.

A world that made up for the one he was currently living.

He thought it was the perfect distraction, aside from school being consuming so was planning for his life outside of school. He was committed to NYU and hoped he could get in, but all that worry was only making his stress.

So video games were his distraction.

Halfway through his game, he heard a knock on his door. "Hang on. Coming." When he opened the door he wasn't expecting to see Lucas. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, can I come in?"

He pushed open the door so his friend could walkthrough. Once he was inside, he offered him a game control but he shook his head no. "I actually just wanted to ask you something."

"Ask me what?" Zay inquired, taking a seat on his couch. The last time Lucas had shown up to his house was a few months ago, they were drinking and playing pool, but seeing him standing in his room reminded him of his freshman year when all they did was hang out together.

It was unfortunate that their friendship had fallen off since then.

"When I told you to stay away from Riley, did you?"

Zay knew immediately what the blonde's visit was really about. He was there to talk about Riley and question his actions, "Look, I know how earlier today looked to you, but there's nothing going on between Riley and me. You don't gotta worry about that."

"You see that's not the only thing I'm worried about though," his words rolled off his tongue in a way that let Zay know he was upset, angry even. "Why is she so attached to you, Zay?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he parroted, dryly. "Why did she hug you earlier today?"

"I don't know, Lucas. We're friends... friends can hug."

"See there it is," he pointed. "_Friends_, that word. What the fuck did I tell you a year ago...?"

"Lucas, bro -"

"No, I want to hear you say it. Say it!" he yelled.

"Aye, bro, you gotta go. We're not doing this-"

"I told you to stay the hell away from her...so you guys wouldn't be friends. I didn't want her fucking with you so _why_ is she fucking with you right now?"

He refused to answer the question. Doing so would only be feeding into his anger and he didn't want that. He knew how Lucas got when he was angry, he'd seen it ever since they were little. Lucas was intolerable.

"Get out -" Zay said heading for the door, but stopped when Lucas interrupted him.

"Do you still like her?" he asked, smacking his friends head around. "Huh? Is that - is that why you can't stay away from her?"

"Ayye. C'mon now. Bro," another smack hit the side of his head. "Lucas, chill!"

"Answer the fucking question, Zay! Do you still like her?"

His glare spoke a different language to him and it was in that moment Zay realized he was tired of it. He couldn't put up with Lucas anymore. He's put up with his anger, his hostility, and abusiveness for years, but he couldn't anymore. It was too much for him. "You know what, you gotta go! Get out."

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me to leave when we're in the middle of a fucking argument. I'm not going anywhere. Answer the fucking question, Zay!"

"I'm not answering, shit! Now get out of my room."

"Nah!"

"Lucas, I'll clock you," he stated menacingly.

"Do...you...fucking...like her...?" Lucas worded it out as if he was talking to someone who couldn't understand him.

Why did he feel so intimidated by the person standing in front of him?

Lucas could be the nicest person in existence if he wanted to be, Zay had seen him use his strength to defend the weak and lose lipped, but he'd also been the bully. He'd been the person who used their own abilities to torment and belittle those powerless to help themselves.

"Yeah, I still do! I still like her." He confessed. "So what now? What's up? What you gon' do?" Saying those words were like detonating a bomb and Lucas reacted just as Zay thought he would. He glanced down to see the blonde curling his hands into fists.

And without thought, he reached out to grab his childhood friend by the front of his shirt and slammed his back on his bedroom floor. Striking the first blow to the center of his chest before he worked his way up to his face. His eyes were wild, his expression angry. He must've hit him ten times or more, only stopping when he realized there was blood on his knuckles.

When he looked down at his friend, he could see all the cuts and bruises he caused. He was still tempted to continue but had already caused enough damage.

Once he was done, he stood up, sucking in his wheezing breaths, "I told you not to talk to her!" he yelled, before spitting on his floor and walking out his room.

If this happened under a different circumstance, there was a chance he would've regretted what he did, but he didn't. He told Zay to stay away from her a year ago and he hadn't, and that was all the reasoning he needed to do what he did.

But he was sure this would do the job. It always worked before, even when they were younger. Lucas would tell Zay to stop doing something, he wouldn't, he'd hit him, and then he'd stop. It was a repetitive cycle. This was just the first time he'd ever taken his anger out on him like that.

This was the first time Riley had ever been involved in one of their arguments and he got carried away. But this was the reason he was always so angry when Zay was around Riley because he knew Zay had feelings for her. He did ever since he was little, and he was gonna take any chances just in case Zay acted on those feelings.

But now he didn't need to worry about that, he was sure he'd stay away from her, just like he told him to.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: I'm sorry if the chapter seems like I ended it abruptly. Truth is, I cut it short because if I continued it, it would stretch a little too long for my liking. I feel like after everything that has happened you guys deserve a break. A lot will happen in the next chapter especially with Zay and Riley so stick around for that. The second part will continue onto the next chapter which will be posted next week. **

**I hinted at the top of the A/N that I needed to tell you guys something important and I do. Truth is, Lose You to Love Me will be my last fanfic on FF. I will transfer my writing onto Wattpad and that's where I will continue to do my work (where I have a lot more stories planned). I've been wanting to do this for a while and I feel like now is the perfect opportunity. I've been writing on here for four years now and it's time to move on. I dedicated this account strictly for GMW and I feel like over on Wattpad I will have a more creative technique where I can write my own fanfics and stories. I love writing and I love growing as a writer so I'm excited what that journey holds. I will finish LYTLM then that will be the last of me. Thank you to everyone for reading this story it has truly made my day. **

**For those of you who want to follow me on Wattpad my username is: inherelement. Hope to see you there. **

**Take care, ya'll. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	21. 20: BLACKLIVESMATTER

**A/N: Just wanted to say that I absolutely loved last week's reviews. You guys are amazing and none of this would've been possible if it wasn't for your guys' support. I am so happy that people read this story and communicate with me and give me feedback that's so important to me. This chapter is intense and unexpected, I don't think I've ever written something like this in my four years of writing for FF. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

**Hey: Extremely valid points, they all need to get their act together and focus on themselves before committing to a relationship. They're young and have a lot to learn, but they're in a serious situation that I feel like will transition effectively throughout the finale.**

**Sad: Thank you so much for opening up about your struggles. It means so much to me that you felt comfortable enough to share that with us. I'm glad you're okay now and happy, finding yourself after something so consuming and degrading is the best feeling ever. So happy to hear your story. Lots of love.**

**Curious: I have a few more GMW stories in mind, but I don't know whether I'll write them. The Rucas story is gravitating towards is called Messages From Her, but I really don't see it going anywhere. And if I do continue with it, it'll be posted on Wattpad, but that would for sure be my last GMW story. I feel like leaving this fandom with Lose You to Love Me as my final fic is a great way to end things. But I'm currently posting the edited version of Dangerous Woman and Where Love Blooms on Wattpad so go check them out.**

**Guest: I think Zay is a great friend. And I have no clue, but I really am gonna miss the GMW fandom. It was iconic.**

**Frey: Something unexpected happens in this very chapter. But I'm curious, how would you guys react if something special happened between Zay and Riley?**

**Wtf: Zay liked Riley first. I hinted at this in the very beginning of the series on Zay's backstory. I remembered writing something about Zay stepping back for Lucas because he's always been second best to him. And yes, Lucas knew that Zay had feelings for Riley. Even before he started dating Riley. That's why Lucas was so against their friendship because he feared Zay would act on those feelings. And everything about your review is geared in the right direction, it's there. **

**GuestEstelle: There's an opportunity for Zay and Riley that's coming, I can't wait for you guy to read that portion. I also wanted to say that Riley's closest friends don't know about their situation, Maya has been suspicious in the past but it never lasted because Riley and Lucas were at a good point in they're relationship. Also in the previous chapter, Victoria said something about Riley being the toxic one. Lucas' closest friends have an idea of what's going on because they know how reckless Lucas can be, Riley's friends don't know that side of him. They just know he parties. Think of it this way: Lucas' friends are popular. Riley's friends are not so popular and they hang out with different cliques. The drama about Lucas only exists in his friend group, the news hasn't trickled down to Maya or Isadora which is why they don't know. And Riley also keeps it from them, she doesn't want them to know. **

**Chapter 20**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

_I'm outside_, read the text on Riley's phone.

As soon as the notification popped up on her screen, the brunette hopped out her bay window, climbed down the fire escape, and circled her apartment.

She occasionally turned around, hoping no one in her family had seen her sneak out, but when the coast was clear, she opened the door to the car that was waiting for her. "What the hell happened to your face?" she asked, alarmed by the driver.

"Uhhh," Zay stammered, not knowing what to tell her. It wasn't like he could just tell her that her boyfriend had beat him up. "I, um, it was actually a...um… you see it was a dirt bike."

"Well, did it land on your face?" she asked, getting inside the car. She was concerned about her friends bruising. "It fucked you up. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, you don't need to worry about it. Did they see you?"

"No," she shook her head, "Both my parents are heavy sleepers, I don't think they heard me."

"Okay," he nodded, "Ready?"

"Ready."

By the time Riley's stomach had been filled with the food he bought, Zay parked his car on a hill that overlooked the city.

"Okay, okay," she said following his movements, but once the gesture became too confusing she felt like giving up. "Zay, charades in a car is so stupid, how am I supposed to guess what that is?"

"It's Kobe," he answered.

"What?" she laughed, "Why didn't you just mimic his signature throw? That would've been so much easier."

"Exactly. That's why I didn't. I wanted to make it difficult. I wouldn't be having fun if it was easy. Riley?" he called out noticing that she had fixated on something, "Yo?"

"Sorry," she was brought back to reality, "It's just that those bruises on your face look bad. Look they're yellow."

"Yeah, I know. I, uh, I fell pretty hard."

"Does it hurt?" she tried touching his face, but he jerked his head away.

"A little. Now can we get back to the game?"

"In a minute, I just want to know how - "

"Riley," he scoffed, "We were playing a game not looking at my face."

"Okay. Fine," she gave up. "My turn."

She adjusted herself on the seat to face him and held out four fingers.

"Four words," Zay guessed and she nodded.

Riley thought for a second, trying to figure out how she could make him guess the idea in her head. She began to point left and right, confusing Zay.

"Uhh... you?" he guessed and she nodded again.

She looked around his car before picking up his keys and pointing to them.

"Keys."

She gestured for him to continue. "Silver…?" She shook her head no.

"A car?" Once the words left his mouth, she clapped her hands, happy that he was understanding her. She then went on to continue with the gesture, drawing a square with her hands.

"Box…?"

No...

"Rectangle…?"

No...

"A picture frame…?"

Not even close...

"A TV," he finally guessed correctly. "So a car, a tv, and... you?" Zay questioned. "What the hell is even that?"

She stared at him before placing a hand over her forehead, disappointed that he wasn't catching onto her gesture. That's when she lit up with an idea. Riley began lip-syncing what seemed to be high notes, but to him, she looked crazy. "What are you doing?"

Riley pointed to the window.

"What the fuck? I - "

She grew frustrated. "Guess again…"

"Opera singer!" Zay said with complete confidence and she nodded with excitement. She then reenacted her movements, only this time she was pointing at the two of them.

"Uhhh, okay so a TV, us? We saw it together...?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, but we didn't watch any operas together."

She shook her head no and gestured to the keys.

"Oh wait, I'm get it now. It's Oprah saying You get a car! to her audience."

"YES!" she cheered before hugging him. "Finally, he gets it."

"Okay…" he said before turning to look at her, "Now, can we talk about what we're really here for?"

The smile on her lips died down, she had been having so much fun with Zay that she forgot about what they were really there for. She turned to her friend, the only person she felt comfortable confessing her struggles to, "Lucas and I got into another argument."

Zay wasn't surprised. "What happened this time?"

"What didn't happen?" she sighed. She felt that by this point in their relationship they had argued about everything. "This time part of it was about you."

"Me?" he asked, quizzically. "What about me?"

"I honestly don't really know. I never do, but I think he might be jealous of you."

"Of me?" If that were true, then beating him up wouldn't make much sense to him.

"Or of us?" she suggested.

There it was. That must've been it.

"He wasn't happy I hugged you at the show. And it makes no sense to me if I'm honest. It's so dumb. You guys are like best friends, brothers even, he's known you before me so he should know better, don't you think? I mean this is why I don't feel sorry about dropping his grade. I'm so glad his parents got him in trouble too. Did you know he snitched me out for getting high? Lucas," she emphasized, "Lucas did. Can you believe him?"

Listening in on their drama Zay realized that her arguments with Lucas were only getting intense, worse even.

"I think I'm just gonna keep doing that to him. Every time he messes up, I'm just gonna get him back ten times worse. Until I make him cry again."

"And then what?" he asked. "You're gonna do it again? And again? Until pretty soon you're just like him?"

Riley opened her mouth to speak, but there must have been a circuit shortened between her brain and mouth because nothing came out. She hadn't thought about that and the weight of realization came barreling toward her, knocking her senseless.

"I'm not trying to say that you are - " the dark-skinned teen felt the need to add.

"I get what you mean. I just… I didn't realize I was acting just like him all this time," she confessed brokenly.

There wasn't a way to measure exactly how much the eccentricities of Riley's personality could have led to this repetitive cycle she didn't realize she was creating with Lucas. She couldn't even tell how much of those eccentricities emerged like rock formations on the sediment of those early hideous arguments that, from there, set the stage for the ravages of their future toxicity.

She turned to look out his window. Suddenly feeling like crying and she wasn't sure she would be able to maintain herself. She hated herself for stooping so far down at his level, the thought of it broke her heart for not realizing that she had become everything she didn't want to be.

Zay placed his hand over her shoulder as she crumbled in his embrace. She clutched him tighter, burrowing her head into the safety of his shoulder. She'd been shamelessly hurting Lucas, trying to climb inside that place where her thoughts always ceased, but it wasn't in the burning intensity she found comfort. It was in his patience and his effort to lure her back to reason.

But as the topic continued and Zay was beginning to hear everything that had happened between them, he started to think about Lucas; and what he said to him when he was hitting him.

Lucas told him to stay away from Riley and he was doing the exact opposite right now. He had become the person she went to whenever things in her relationship got difficult and he wasn't sure it was such a good idea anymore.

"Riley, this might sound stupid, but I think I should tell you something."

"What? What is it?" she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

He took a deep breath. He wasn't sure this was the best time to tell her since she was crying, but it needed to be said, "Have you ever considered apologizing to him? You know so that you guys can just move on from it and not argue about it?"

"Why would I apologize for something he did, though? Only some of this was my fault, but he's the reason things are the way they are."

"And I know that, but sometimes you just gotta be the bigger person."

"The bigger person?" she questioned, "I'm not gonna apologize for something I didn't do. And I had every right to act the way I did. Everything I did was to get back at him."

"Okay, okay," he said, hoping to lighten the issue. "Then I don't think this is gonna be such a good idea."

"What's not a good idea?"

"This," he gestured to the space between them. "At this hour, especially. Look, this was good at first, but... "

"Wait, hang on. What?"

"...you and Lucas have issues and -"

"Woah, Woah - "

"Look, Riley, I didn't mean it like that. I promise," he said, wanting to calm her down. "I just think that I'm not the guy you should be telling this to. You should be telling this to Lucas so you guys can work out your issues and not me."

Riley couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. She was completely confused about his decision especially when they had talked to each other about this various times before. "Did he put you up to this?"

"No, he didn't. I just think this is the right thing to do. That way you and Lucas don't have to argue. You said that the argument happened because of me, so I'm suggesting we don't hang out as much."

She stared at him for a few seconds. Reflecting on what he had just said. "I fucking knew it!" she said to herself before unbuckling her seatbelt, "All of Lucas' friends turn out to be assholes."

"Hey," he said, noticing she wanted to leave his car. He tried to stop her, but she slapped his hands away. "Riley, that's not what I meant. C'mon."

"Then what did you mean?" she questioned, raising her voice at him. It had been the first time she'd ever done that. If it wasn't for his remark she would've felt bad and apologized, but she didn't. And she had no intention to.

"I just meant we shouldn't talk so much about you and Lucas, anymore. Riley, that's… that stuff is personal and it… it… it just doesn't feel right."

She scoffed. If it didn't feel right he would've said that the dozens of times she spoke with him about it. He used to be so attentive and so wise with the advice he would give, but now he had stopped. He didn't want that anymore.

"No I get it," she said slamming his door shut. Zay stepped out as well trying to convince her to go back in, but she didn't give him time. "You're tired of hearing me complain to you about my fucked up relationship."

"That's not it," he revealed. "Get back in the car - "

"I'm not getting back inside- "

"Riley, chill! You're yelling. You're gonna wake - "

"I don't care if I'm yelling!" she snapped, wiping the tears from her face. His words hurt her feelings. She never thought that the person she needed the most right now would abandon her. The feeling alone began to wake others that she had buried deep down. "Zay, don't you know what this means? I thought I could trust you with this."

"And you can. I've always been there for you, I just think we should stop - "

She turned away from him and continued to walk in the opposite direction. "Fuck you!"

He brought his arm out to stop her. It was night and cold and he didn't want to wake the entire block. "Riley - "

"Don't touch me!"

She inhaled deeply, trying to process everything. The reason she was so hurt by this was that she trusted Zay with everything, she told him things about her relationship with Lucas that even her best friends didn't know. So telling her that it was time they stopped, hurt her. It made her think that he finally got tired of it or that he never cared at all.

"Riley, can you please get back inside the car?"

She shook her head no.

"Riley. Please!" He wanted to be calm and keep his patience, but she was testing him. She was throwing the biggest tantrum in the middle of the night and he needed to take her home.

"All those nights…" she began, trying to catch her breath. All the yelling, crying and walking had caught up to her and she was having trouble breathing. "Did you even care? At all?"

"Of course I did. And I still do, but talking to him...telling him what's bothering you first is what you should be doing. I shouldn't be your go-to whenever things get hard, Riley. It should be him. He's your boyfriend!"

He had a point. In any other logical world, Riley would've listened, she would've realized he was right and talked to Lucas. They would've worked their problems out and things would've gone back to normal.

But that wasn't their dynamic. She never talked to Lucas about this because there wasn't a way to do it, they would never reach an agreement. They would only keep their distance until one of them couldn't take it anymore and decided to finally break the unofficial distance barrier. But even then, they didn't talk about it. They would "make up" without addressing the issue.

And to Riley, it felt like she had just lost the only friend she could trust when it came to things like this.

"Can you please get back in the car?"

She shook her head no. She didn't want to be around him. "I'm walking home."

"Riley, we're a long way from your house. If you walk you won't make it till morning."

She didn't care. She wasn't thinking clearly. She just wanted to get away from him and cry, it had been all she was capable of recently.

"Why can't you just listen to me, okay? It wasn't - "

"It wasn't what?" she questioned, staring straight at him. "A big deal?"

He stayed silent. He didn't know what to tell her. "Can you please just get back in the car? You can yell at me all you want on the way to your house and tomorrow when you calmed down we can talk about this."

She didn't want to. "That's if you care."

He scoffed. She was angry he could tell, but he didn't want to leave her. It didn't feel right.

"You should've told me if it bothered you this much. I told you things, Zay. Personal things and all this time… it annoyed you."

"That's not true. Riley, I care. And I still do and if you talk to Lucas and things don't work out again, you can come to me. I'll always be here, I'm just trying to tell you that he should be the first person you work things out with."

"You should go back to your car, I don't want to talk to you."

"Riley - "

"Go!"

"I'm not gonna go."

"I'm not gonna talk to you."

He took a deep breath, his patience wearing thin. He was seconds away from picking her up and throwing her into the backseat of his car. "Get back in the car."

"No!"

"Get back in the car."

"No!"

"Get back in the car," he pressured.

"No!"

"GET BACK IN THE FUCKING CAR!"

"NO!"

Just then a siren went off on the opposite end of the block, a a police car parked right beside them. The officer stepped out of the car and immediately walked towards the weeping brunette, "What's going on here? Is everything okay?"

Riley froze at the officer in front of her, she didn't expect for this to happen. "Y-yeah," she stammered. "Yeah, no everything's fine, officer."

He turned to look at Zay. "Is he bothering you?"

"No. No, he's not. He's my friend," she revealed, "Sorry, we were just in the middle of an argument. There's nothing wrong."

He shined his flashlight at him. "What's up with your face?"

Zay didn't answer him. He knew the officer and he knew about the things he had done, even news of policemen circled the streets where he lived. His cousins spoke about him many times and they had nothing good to say. Which normally meant the cop that was standing in front of him wasn't a good cop.

"You got any weapons on you?"

"What?" he asked, offended by the question. "No, I don't got any weapons on me."

"Spread your arms out," the officer demanded.

Zay looked at him, "Why do I need to spread my arms out?"

"I said, spread your arms out. Feet apart."

He turned to Riley, who was staring at them not knowing what to do as he did what he was told. When his arms and legs were apart, the officer patted him down; as if he was searching for something.

"I'm gonna need to see some ID."

"Why do you need to see my ID?" he questioned, upset about the unnecessary search.

"Officer, he didn't do anything," Riley tried to intervene, but he waved for her to stop. She quickly started to realize what this could potentially escalate to.

"...so you could search it up in the system and see if I have any priors?" Zay questioned.

The officer eyed him, "What's your name, kid? And tell me where you got your bruises while you're at it?"

"Why do you need to know, Officer…" he looked at his nametag. "Stone? I haven't done anything wrong?"

"We have a teenage girl over here in tears, trying to get away from you at... one in the morning. Do you know how that looks?"'

"I already said, he's my friend. He didn't do anything - "

"I'm not talking to you," he yelled at her, "And aside from that, your face is all bruised up, do you know where I'm going with this…?" he asked, stepping closer to Zay. "I asked for your name, boy."

"I'm out of here, I didn't do anything wrong. C'mon, Riley."

When he turned to walk away, Officer Stone pulled his arm back and pushed him up against his car, bringing out the handcuffs from his pockets.

"For what? For what, officer?" Zay questioned him, tugging at the cop's grip. "Why am I being arrested?" When he managed to break free, Officer Stone pushed him against the car, arm on his chest to prevent him from walking away. "Don't put your hands on me. Don't put your hands on me."

"Zay, please," Riley said on the verge of tears. She could see the officer's gun from the corner of her eyes and she was scared he was going to bring it out.

"What am I being detained for?" he questioned him, watching him mutter something onto his radio. "Answer me, what am I being detained for? I haven't done anything wrong!"

Riley thought about recording what she was seeing in front of her. She'd seen this happen many times on TV, but never in real life. She just couldn't believe that she was witnessing something like this at a time that was so unexpected. Zay hadn't done anything wrong, yet Officer Stone insisted on arresting him.

"...I'm on the corner of Maryville and Stanton," he said, bringing the radio closer to his lips. "Requesting backup."

"Bro," Zay called out, it was obvious he was frustrated from the way he was breathing, the muscle in his jaw tightening as his eyes glared on the policeman. "Backup for what? I'm not even fighting you? I'd like for you to take your hands off me."

"Give me your hands…"

"Officer I ain't giving you shit. I haven't done anything wrong. Why am I being arrested?" he turned to look down at his badge, but this time he noticed something else, "Your camera's not on."

"I said give me your hands…"

"Why? You haven't told me why you're arresting me and your camera's not on. This shit ain't right and you're not doing your job correctly - "

"You're resisting arrest and you're being aggressive, that's grounds for arrest. Now put your arms behind your back - "

"I'm not the one being aggressive," he said gesturing to the officer's hands on him.

"Kid, it's gonna go really bad for you, if you don't turn around," he warned.

"Officer, please. He didn't do anything wrong, he's a good person, please - "

"Why am I being detained?" Zay continued to question him. "I'm not the one being aggressive."

Just then, he slammed him down on the ground, wrapping the handcuffs around his wrists.

"No. Stop just let him go!" Riley yelled at him. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, she was frightened and didn't want anything bad to happen to him.

Another siren approached them and an officer came running to her. "Ma'am - "

"No, this was a mistake!"

"Take a seat," he said gesturing to the sidewalk, "Ma'am, take a seat."

"We were just talking and -"

"I need you to take a step back and sit down -"

"Please, I just need to talk to him. None of this was his fault, please! He hasn't done anything wrong and he's being arrested!"

"SIT DOWN!" he yelled.

Riley was caught off guard. Just when she thought someone could step in and help, she was proven wrong. "Officer please - "

"SHUT UP! AND TAKE A SEAT!"

Watching Zay get pushed into the car against his will didn't feel right. It left her feeling guilty for being so loud in the beginning and she hated herself for it. All of this was her fault and she didn't know how to fix it.

But she knew someone that could.

Bringing out her phone and clicking on her contact, Riley brought the phone to her ear, waiting for her to answer, "...mom?"

_**ooo**_

Movie night with Farkle and Isadora was a difficult concept.

Both Farkle and Isadora being highly intelligent and academic, preferred documentaries that were rich with information and theories about the future whereas Maya preferred horror films. She liked ghosts, serial killers, monsters created in labs that hunted their creator down and exacted their revenge, but the two of them would never let her watch it.

"We agreed it was my turn to decide," the blonde reminded as she watched Farkle and Isadora debate over the movie they wanted to watch.

"But we all want to see a different movie," she protested.

"Doesn't matter. I sat through a three hour documentary about fish last time, the least you guys can do is sit through an hour and a half movie with me."

The two geniuses exchanged looks, "But we don't want to."

"That's so not fair. I constantly agree to watch movies with you guys even though I know we'll never end up watching a movie I like. I've seen documentaries about every single thing In existence I can afford to miss at least one. So can we please just watch a scary movie for once? Farkle I'll let you hold my hand because I know you get scared. It's the least you guys can do."

Movies where no one died, especially when the main heroes had done everything right, sat well with Farkle. He liked them as a second option to docs because everything went well in the end. Sure a few people had to die, but the ending always resolved on a positive ending.

Isadora, on the other hand, could tolerate sci-fi movies. She liked the visuals and plot and engineering behind it. She liked their futuristic clothing and makeup, the action and suspense, and the change in laws and economy because they were a break from normal reality.

Maya however wasn't much a fan of a plot or the symbolism behind a movie, she loved the thrill, the adventure, the adrenaline, and the horror of it all. Things she didn't need to pay attention to, but things she needed to see and feel. Those were her favorite parts.

"Okay, fine," Farkle caved. "What scary movie is it gonna be this time?"

The ends of her lips curved upwards. "Have you guys seen Verónica?"

"No," Isadora answered, timidly. She hated horror movies and her best friends knew that. "And I don't want to."

"Well, ladies and Farkle," the blonde sat in the middle of them and flipped through the various movie options on Netflix, "Verónica is a Spanish horror movie based on a true story. It's about this fifteen or sixteen-year-old - I honestly don't remember - who decides to summon her father's spirit using an Ouija board during a solar eclipse. And guess what, my friends?"

"What?" Isadora asked, fear evident in her voice.

"It's not her father's spirit she summons. So what do you say? You guys interested?"

"No," they both added, shaking their heads.

"I heard Dora's really popular with young adults," commented the brunette.

"And so is Diego. Why don't we just watch that?"

The blonde laugh. Even though her friends were almost eighteen, they simultaneously hated horror movies. And it made sense, they did hate each other for a year. "Perfect, Verónica it is!"

_**ooo**_

Riley had never been inside a police station before. She'd seen it in movies, but never in person and it was exactly how she pictured it to be.

She imagined it to have a distinct smell - which it did - an angry receptionist, and a lot of police officers on their respective desks. She just wished her first time was under a different circumstance.

"Try again," Topanga suggested.

"I already did, they keep saying now."

"Yeah, but they switched him. There's a different one there."

She turned to look at the guy at the front desk, he wasn't the same guy from before. Jumping at the opportunity, she got up from her seat and walked towards him.

"Can I help you?"

"Do you know when Zay Babineaux is gonna be released?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes, "Can you spell his last name for me?"

"Uh, it's B-A-B-I-N-E-A-U-X."

He typed away, "Well, we can hold him for twenty-four hours. I would suggest you come back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," she questioned. "Look, there's been some misunderstanding. He didn't do anything wrong - '

"I'm sorry, but I won't be much of a help. "

"Well, do you know who will?"

He shook his head, "Just come back tomorrow."

She turned back around and sat next to her mom. "He said we should come back tomorrow."

Topanga sighed, "Okay, I know the basics, but you must tell me everything that happened, okay? And start from the beginning. Every detail is important."

"Okay," she breathed, running a hand through her hair, "Well, Zay and I were in the middle of an argument - "

"Another one?" she asked, interrupting. This had been the second argument she told her about on the same day and she was starting to get concerned. "Riley, what's going on?"

"Nothing, mom. That's not important right now. Point is, I was walking away from Zay because I was upset and that's when the police showed up. He asked him a few questions - "

"What's the officer's name?"

"Officer Stone."

Topanga nodded.

"Zay wasn't bothering me like they think he was. He wasn't hurting me or anything like that, we were just caught in a misunderstanding. The officer asked for his name and about his bruises, but Zay refused to tell him. He hadn't done anything wrong so he didn't feel the need to. And then he started asking him for his ID, Zay said no, Officer Stone got impatient and arrested him. But none of this was Zay's fault, he didn't do anything wrong."

"Anything else? Anything important."

"Ummm…" Riley thought back, as much as she wanted to forget everything she knew thinking back at the moment everything happened was crucial. "His camera wasn't on. And… he wasn't Mirandized."

"He wasn't Mirandized?"

"No. They just put him in the car and drove off."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

"Wait, mom, where are you going?"

"I'm gonna get Zay back." She walked towards the guy her daughter previously talked to. "Hi, good morning Officer...Randall, is it?"

He nodded.

"My name's Topanga Matthews, I'm a lawyer at the Blanch Law Firm and I'm here to represent my client, Zay Babineaux. It's come to my attention that one of your policemen, Officer Stone, has wrongfully arrested my client without his rights being read to. There's also no proof of this because his camera wasn't on. Now, I know you're familiar with the law since your job is to enforce it, so you know that any action like that is grounds for dismissal, correct?"

Officer Randall nodded once again.

"I'm gonna need you to remove my client. 'Cause if you don't, the next time you hear from me is gonna be in a court office after I slap a fat lawsuit on one of your officers and the precinct. Release my client."

In less than ten minutes later, Zay had been released from his cell. He walked out from inside the station with his things on his hands and all Riley could do was walk up to him. She hugged him tightly, refusing to let him go, scared that they might change their mind and take him back in.

"We're not done," Topanga said, turning back to the officer at the front desk. "I want Officer Stone fired. Or on suspension for wrongfully arresting my client."

"C'mon, we should go," Riley said to Zay. "My mom handled everything, she got you out of here."

"Riley," he said, removing her hands that had wrapped around his neck. "This wasn't a good idea."

"Zay," she knew what he was referring to, he was talking about the very thing that started their argument.

"I mean it, Riley. I mean look at where we're standing. We're in the middle of a fucking precinct at three in the morning."

She felt her eyes water, "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen."

"But it did," he thought back at everything that happened. "Arguing with you today, taught me something."

"What?" she asked, feeling the need to break out crying in front of him.

"That if you'd taken any of the advice I'd given you, we wouldn't be here today. And I had to learn that when I was being searched for drugs stripped naked. Just stay away from me."

Topanga had heard the entire thing from where she stood and seeing her daughter so broken and in tears, made her wonder what had happened that night. She knew almost immediately this was something she'd have to sort out with Riley before telling Cory about it.

She walked towards her daughter and wrapped her arm around her shoulder, "Come on, sweetie. It's been a long day."

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N:****I wanted to wait until the end of the chapter to address a very important issue happening not just in the U.S., but around the world. On May 25th, 2020, George Floyd (black) was murdered by Minneapolis police officer, Derek Chauvin (white). His arrest has sparked a lot of controversies and has reopened the #BlackLivesMatter discussion and numerous protests around the country. I wanted to say something to my readers and to just say something in general as this story tackles important issues. Racism was built in the DNA of America, it was here during slavery and it continued to be here even after the Civil War. It existed during segregation and it existed with Jim Crow laws. The systematic oppression of blacks in the country has NOT gone away and we CAN'T turn away from it. We must help people those whose voices are not heard and those who fear for their lives because of the color of their skin. This movement is important and we must do something. If you have, thank you, you're doing amazing, if you haven't please sign the Justice for George Floyd petition at or encourage others to speak out against racism. There are other ways to help and to be involved and no effort is too small. This is a broader discussion that you guys can discuss in the review section and if there are any of you with controversial opinions or those who side against the movement please keep those opinions to yourself, I can't stop you from voicing your opinions, but I'd like for this to be a safe place for you guys to speak. **

**I wrote this chapter a month ago and Zay's arrest had been planned since January before any of this happened, but I'm glad it lined up. This happens to a lot of POC's and we can't let this slide under our noses. We can't negate the statistics and the thousands of those that have been murdered by police officers before Floyd. **

**Black Lives Matter today, tomorrow, and any other day after that. **

**Please be kind, be respectful, and support those around you. Thank you. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	22. 21: And they were back to square one

**A/N: So this chapter picks up a few months after the last one. We're in March now and last chapter was, I believe, January. We left with the entire Riley and Zay mess and Topanga helping them out. This chapter won't pick up right after as some time has passed, but you'll get an insight into Riley's and Zay's current relationship. There's also some cute Joshaya in this chapter which we haven't seen in a while. **

**Frey: Yes, Riley was acting the way she was because she wanted to hurt Lucas. Little did she know she was acting just like him. And the story doesn't feel like it's ending until the last chapter. That's sort of where everything happens. **

**Hey: It's so important to have these discussions and I agree with you a hundred percent. Everybody should be treated fairly and the color of your skin should not have anything to do with it. The All Lives Matter movement was created to thwart the Black Lives Matter movement and we can't let that happen. Not every race is oppressed the way black people are which is why the All Lives Matter movement is redundant. **

**Wtf: The thing is Riley doesn't know this was Lucas' doing. That's why she's still with him, Zay didn't sell him out. He blamed the bruising on his face on a dirt bike accident. **

**Guest: I noticed. There was another concept that was going to be explored, but I took it out last minute to highlight our current political climate. I guess I forgot about the last part with Topanga.**

**KillEmWithKindness02: Thank you so much, it means a lot. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 21**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**ooo**_

**March 14, 2021 **

Lucas had never felt the effect of the seasons change unlike the one he currently felt.

As the snow began to melt and the sun began to shine onto Spring, his relationship with Riley took a turn unlike anything he's ever seen before. February passed and every second of it was like medicine to their ailing relationship.

What was once screaming and arguing at each other had become hugging and kissing. They were no longer trying to hurt each other's feelings or get under each other's skin, but to make each other happy like they used to.

Lucas liked to believe that they'd been on good terms because he told Zay to stay away from Riley. He'd been aware of Zay's feelings for the longest time and the thought of him dating her only made him jealous. Eliminating him from the equation was the only way to fix the things that were threatening his relationship with Riley and it seemed to be working.

Unbeknownest to Lucas, Riley had been so overwhelmed with what she'd done to Zay that she didn't want that guilt to carry onto her relationship with the guy she truly loved. She couldn't tolerate being under the pressure of another argument so she didn't add any salt to open wounds whenever she felt she and Lucas were heading down a broken path, she jumped at the chance to fix everything and Lucas caught onto it as well.

He didn't like when they fought and kept their distance so they worked their problems out the moment they took notice of it. This had been a repetitive cycle for the past three months and it was completely different from their previously established behaviors.

And he loved every second of it.

As he stared at the brunette sleeping in his arms in the early morning, he couldn't help but smile. They spent the entire night stargazing and looking at constellations that they didn't realize it had been four in the morning when Riley told him it was time they head home.

Since Lucas wanted to spend more time with her, he convinced her to stay awhile longer, but they had fallen asleep. Now he needed to wake her up so that her parents wouldn't notice she was gone, even though he wanted to appreciate the moment a little longer.

She looked beautiful with the morning sun shining down on her skin, it was as if the sun existed only for her.

It reminded him of their previous date.

_"A pet shop?" Riley asked. "I don't get it, what are we doing here?"_

_"Do you remember that book on animals you gave me for my birthday?"_

_She nodded, eyeing the little bird on the window. "Yeah, what about it?"_

_"We're about to graduate soon and I want to be a veterinarian in the future, so I've been reading a chapter a day for the past week and c'mon...I wanna show you something."_

_She felt him pull her in towards the shop, "What? What are you doing?"_

_"C'mon," he gestured._

_"Lucas..."_

_"Drake," he called out the second they stepped inside, "just the man I wanted to see. You got the...?"_

_"Out back," he answered._

_"My man, I owe you one. Big time."_

_"Where are we going?" Riley asked, she was confused as to what that conversation was about. Lucas had told her they were just going for a walk around town, but now she was being led to the back of a pet shop. "I thought..."_

_"I didn't want to ruin the surprise."_

_"What...?" the words rolled out her tongue before she could finish her sentence. She wasn't expecting to see the sight in front of her and it only stunned her. "Lucas did you do this?"_

_"All for you," he said._

_Riley turned to look at the cage full of puppies. They were the most adorable thing she had ever seen in her life and she was tempted to run towards them, but she wasn't sure she was allowed to._

_"Go ahead," he gestured, noticing her movements. "They're for us to play with."_

_"I still can't believe you did this. How did you do this?" she questioned._

_"It wasn't easy I'll be honest. I just needed to keep bugging Drake till he finally let me."_

_The brunette stepped inside the cage and sat down, letting the puppies jump and walk all over her. "This one is so adorable," she said before taking hold of a cavalier king. "And he has a name...Milo. He's so cute."_

_"Yeah, a lot of them are named already," Lucas joined her. "Look, this one over here is named...Maya."_

_Riley chuckled, "Omg, hand her over I need to send a picture to her. She's gonna love it." A few minutes passed and Riley had never been so happy, she enjoyed being surrounded by something so adorable and she wasn't sure she would ever want to leave. "You mentioned earlier that you've been reading the book I gave you. Does that mean your ready to tell your parents about your career change?"_

_"They know already," he revealed so nonchalant, bringing a golden retriever to his face._

_"They do? When did you tell them?"_

_"I think it was a month ago - "_

_"And you're barely telling me now?" Riley wasn't sure he understood the severity of the answer. This was something huge for him to do and she couldn't believe she was finding out a month later. "Well, what did they say?"_

_"They were a little shocked and my dad was a little disappointed at first, but he came around. I guess they finally realized that becoming a veterinarian was more likely than playing professional football. They're happy for me."_

_"Wow," she said with complete excitement. "Lucas, this is amazing. I'm proud of you."_

_"You don't gotta do that, Riley," he added, his cheeks turning pink. When he realized that Riley had noticed this, he used to puppy to cover himself._

_"I'm so proud of you. And I love you."_

_"You're just saying that because you're in a room full of puppies."_

_"We could be in a desert and I'd still say it. I'm serious, Lucas," she nudged him. "These past months you've been incredible. You've been raising your grades, you've been learning about your career, you've been so sweet, I'm so proud of you."_

_He pecked the brunette's lips. "Thank you, baby. So...which one do you like?"_

_She turned to look at the puppy she was holding, he was so small and cute burrowing himself on her shoulder. "I like Milo."_

_"Hey, Riley?" he asked. His eyes looked up to meet hers and in that moment he thought about everything they had been through. They survived so many arguments, so much pain and so many tears in the past year that he can't even believe they went through that when he looked back at every single one of them. If they could recover from all those bumps and bruises then they could recover from anything. "I'm really glad you're in my life."_

_She smiled, "Where's this coming from?"_

_"Nowhere," he shook his head but took hold of her hand, "I've just been really happy these past few months and it's because of you. Just wanted to thank you."_

_She felt her heart flutter, "You don't need to thank me."_

_"Did you make up your mind already?" asked Drake as he walked inside the room they were in. He was holding a few chew toys in his hand that we was getting ready to dispose of._

_"Yeah," Lucas answered, "We'll take Milo."_

_The brunette's jaw dropped in astonishment, "Lucas...no. Are you serious?"_

_"Yes, I'm serious. He'll be like our little son that we both look out after."_

_"I can't believe you," she looked down at the little puppy in her hands, not being able to believe that they were going to take him home. "You're the only person I know would do something like this, why am I surprised?"_

_He chuckled, "I'll do anything for us."_

"Riley," Lucas gently shrugged his sleeping girlfriend. "Hey, Riley."

Her mouth was slightly open, emitting soft snores. She had taken both blankets for herself over night and she looked very peaceful and extremely beautiful.

He kissed her forehead not entirely ready to take her home. He was tired from the day before and he was still immersed in his own thoughts. Riley was the only person in his life that loved him unconditionally, she loved his imperfections and that meant the world to him. He was only eighteen, but he was certain he had found his soulmate. He could see himself marrying her and moving in with her after college. In a way Lucas always felt like Riley was his one true love. The woman he was destined to.

Since they were kids, people in their grade knew they were going to date at some point in their lives. Their attraction for each other was clear at a young age and people around them constantly wanted them to be together. All of that had brought them closer to each other and even though it took a few tries, they had finally fallen in love.

Riley had spoken very highly of her parents' relationship before and even though they weren't the next Cory and Topanga, they still cared about each other just as deeply.

"Good morning, beautiful." Lucas said as her eyes opened.

Riley smiled and muttered a 'morning' before letting out a yawn. "Did we fall asleep?" She asked.

"Yeah, we did. It's six in the morning, I should get you home before your parents find out you're with me."

She stretched out her arms and nodded, "How long have you been awake for?"

"Only a few minutes." Lucas replied. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good." She rubbed her eyes, "And you?"

"Better, thanks to you."

"We really talked about stars all night, that's insane."

When they first got to their location, Lucas pointed them out for the first time. They started having a full blown conversation on various unknown topics to them like faith, second chances, religion, miracles, and coincidences. By the time Riley said they should head home, she realized it had already been hours since they last left her home. And if she was honest, she didn't mind a few more.

They ended up falling asleep and now they were awake, in his truck, the next day.

"What's insane is your lack of knowledge on astrology. How did you not know you were a Sagittarius? Even I knew that."

"I told you I don't pay attention to that. I didn't even know that was such a big deal to most people. Didn't you tell me you were a...what was it? I already forgot."

"Capricorn."

"Yeah, that. That's insane, we sound like mystical creatures."

He chuckled. Only Riley would think that.

"We should head back, don't you think?" she began to push the back seat up and move the pillows and blankets to the trunk.

He stopped her, bringing her back to their embrace. "Let's just wait a half hour." He told her.

"No, we should definitely start heading back. If my parents find out I won't be allowed to see you. And my dad already thinks you're the perfect guy."

"C'mon," he begged.

"Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes," she emphasized. "Then you take me home, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She leaned her head back on his chest and smiled. She didn't think the perfect boyfriend existed, but Lucas came pretty close. As her hand traced the collar of his shirt and down to his chest, Riley couldn't help but think about the Friday before. Something unexpected happened to them and they hadn't really spoken about it.

**March 12th, 2021**

Lucas barged into Riley's room with excitement framing his every features. His run from his car to her room had winded him and he took a moment to collect himself. "Please tell me you got it too?" he heaved, his every attempt for air hurting his lungs.

"I got it!" Riley yelled excitedly. In her hands was a manilla envelope inches from her face. He took a second to adjust to it before reading the bold lettering.

New York University Office of Graduate Admissions

"YES!" Lucas cheered, before taking Riley in his arms and twirling around. "You didn't open it, right?"

"No, I wanted to wait and do it with you."

She looked down at his envelope and squealed. During summer, the year before, they applied to the same colleges and they were finally receiving their admissions letter. "You ready?" she asked anxiously. It was crazy to her that they were only a tear away from finding out their future.

"Ready."

Riley began to shakily open the contents in the envelope and Lucas did the same. When the letter was fully out, she unfolded it and began to read.

"Dear, Ms. Matthews," Riley read out loud. "Congratulations and welcome to the class of 2025! It gives us great pleasure to say you have been accepted to New York University (NYU) for the fall 2021 semester."

She released her sigh and smiled, nearly jumping up and down. "Oh my God, I'm in! I'm in! Oh my God!" When she looked up, she noticed that Lucas had been reading his still.

_Dear Mr. Friar,_

_Thank you for your interest in New York University…_

Lucas didn't need to read anymore. He'd been rejected. He looked up at his girlfriend who beamed a smile in his direction he'd never seen so hopeful, with a single gesture that smiled had faded and turned into sadness.

"Oh. Lucas, I'm so sorry..."

"It's not your fault," he said as he locked eyes with the floor, this time.

"It's okay," she tried her best to be helpful to him. He seemed upset and she didn't want him to be. "Let's just wait for your other admissions letters. NYU isn't the only good school you applied to, we should be patient."

"It's cool, Riley," his voice was calm and unaffected, but Riley could tell he was pretending. Deep down she knew he was hurt. "I think I'm gonna go home."

"Lucas, it's really not that big of a deal." Riley stated.

"Not that big of a deal?" he responded, his voice louder than he intended it to."We're not that big of a deal?!" he asked, gesturing to the space between himself and her.

"What? No, of course we are!" Riley exclaimed. "We are. It's just…"

"Babe, we had this whole thing planned out, you know? We were going to NYU. That was the mission. It's the only school we both applied to and I fucked it up…"

"Hey," she made him look at her, "You didn't. This is not your fault, plans can always change. Now we just need to figure out how we're gonna make this work out."

They were silent for a moment and all Lucas could think about what his next move. He settled with the idea of attending NYU because he knew he would go there with Riley and now that he wasn't, he was starting to recognize the fear teenagers faced when they were applying to college. He didn't want to go to any school without her.

He knew this wasn't going to be a decision made overnight, he was going to have to think about it for a long time and alone. "I'll see you tomorrow." he finally spoke up.

"Lucas," she called out, but he had already left her room and closed the door behind him. She didn't want him to leave but she was left with no other choice. He needed to be alone and she knew it. She didn't want to make this harder for him than it already was.

Everytime she tried to talk to him he tried to avoid it, but she wasn't gonna let him this time. "So...about Friday."

His face fell. "Can we please not waste a perfectly good ten minutes talking about this?"

"It's important, Lucas. You know it is."

"What's important are these ten minutes."

"And so is our future."

He turned to her. When he realized she wasn't gonna let it go, he sighed, "Community college," he answered. "Preferably the closest to NYU to be near you. I'm gonna look for a job, I don't know maybe somewhere with animals, umm...depending on our schedules we'll try to find days we can see each other. Okay? We'll figure out the rest when the time comes."

"Do you know what community college?"

"I was accepted into Guttman Community College so...that's probably where I'll go."

"Oohhh," she cooed, "The new one. Very nice."

"Now can you come back to laying down on my chest, that felt nice."

She chuckled, "Sure."

Now that Riley knew where he was heading she felt much better. His school ws less than fifteen minutes away and she was glad that they could still see each other after.

_**ooo**_

Later that night, Maya Hart stood on a centered stage along with side other teenage artists. She was nicely dressed and had the biggest smile on her lips. Even more so when Mitchel began to speak.

"Hi and welcome to the annual GoldLight Gallery art show. This year sixteen artists in the making have been chosen to be apart of today's gallery, they are standing here beside me," Michel gestured to every single one of them, the crowd beginning to applaud. "Every artist tonight has their own talent and technique that we, the board, were drawn to. As you take a look around and feel inspired by their pieces of work, feel free to acknowledge all the work that went into it and support the artist who made it. Thank you, and thank you all for coming."

Maya searched the crowd for her friends, a smile framing the ends of her lips when she saw that they were all there. Riley and Lucas were standing on one side while Isadora and Farkle stood at the other. And in the center, just below the steps, stood her proud mother with glistening eyes.

Katy was her biggest supporter and she loved her mother for it. She always congratulated her on every piece she made and it only encouraged her to move forward.

"The show is amazing, Maya," her mother commented before bringing her in for a big hug, "I'm so happy for you."

She smiled broadly. Tonight, this was her world, her sparking event, and she was grateful for the opportunity. Her blonde locks were grouped into the perfect bun as she wore a light gold dress to match the color scheme the gallery had going on. She always believed she had the potential to become a fashionista if she was honest.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I did, mom. A lot."

"Great, that's perfect hon."

A man in a suit approached the two, staring at the both of them before setting his eyes on a particular blonde. "You're Maya Hart right, you're painting was next to the statue, right?"

"Yes," she said excitedly. "That's mine."

"My name is Alan Blanchard, I'm the owner of Blanchard Antiques, I wanted to discuss your panting a little more in-depth. I'm very interested in it, but before I buy it, I wanted to get the artists perfective on it."

"Oh yeah, of course," she said turning to her mom who was right beside her. This had been the first person that had ever approached her with such an offer, "Thank you so much for your interest..."

When the crowd began to roam the gallery, Riley turned to Lucas and fixed his tie. She loved the way he looked in a suit and she could never get tired of it, he looked like a spy in an action movie after a bad guy who was about to put many people in harm's way. "I've never stepped foot in here, it's so pretty."

"Tell me about it, everybody here looks like they're somebody."

"Oh my God, are those actual diamonds?" the brunette asked Lucas, staring at the woman who walked passed them. She had a necklace with a rock the size of a quarter.

"Yeah, damn. They definitely look real."

"How much do you think that guy over there is worth," she asked, pointing to an older guy who stood on the opposite side of the gallery. He wore a suit and a gold watch on his left wrist.

"A million, easy."

"And the woman over there?"

His eyes squinted, studying her appearance. "She has to be at least ten million. That's Versace, she's rich."

They shared a good laugh after realizing what they were doing, "We're so stupid. Why are we like this?"

"Because we don't belong here. Around these kinds of people, we're eighteen not old."

"You're right," she agreed. They were young and free to be reckless and to act out, but the people they were surrounded by were older and wiser; judgemental at that. "Wait, where'd she go?" Riley asked, searching around the crowd for the artist herself.

"It looks like Maya's a little busy talking to potential buyers right now. Lets just take a look around and catch up with her later?"

"Okay," she reached for his arm.

"C'mon."

Riley kept her arm loosely wounded through his as he led her through the main exhibition room. Paintings were covering the walls and sculptures were littering the floor in what seemed to be a strategic placement. Almost everybody was engaged in a conversation, but others were eyeing the work in front of them.

They wove through the crowd and Lucas caught a glimpse of their reflection in the tall window. The glare from the night sky helped erase the rest of the gallery, and it is just the two of them in the glass. For a moment he is pleased by the glamorous reflection staring back at him.

"Look at this one," Riley advised her finger pointing to a standard still life. She found herself staring at a vase of flowers with a twisted branch, and a seashell arranged on a crumpled green cloth.

Lucas glanced subtly at some of the other paintings and jokingly judged this one not much more than marginally better. He leans in close to Riley's ear, "In my opinion, not my favorite."

"Really?" she said catching on, "How so?"

"Well, for starters, the brushwork is clumsy, the shadows incomplete, and there's something subtly off with the perspective. You know? They fail to immaculate the intended response. Don't even get me started on the color palette, it's just...horrendous," he joked, acting like a well-known artist and professional critic.

"Well, if I may," she played along. "I like the painting. It's a perfect representation of mundane, but a peaceful kind of mundane."

Although her perspective sounded off to him, he could see where she was coming from. Aside from the image itself, the colors were dark and heavy which made it easier to understand her.

When they moved on to the next painting, a waiter passed by, plucked a flute of champagne from the tray and presented it to him with an exchanged looks for a second before he took the glass from the waiter's hand, "Thank you." When he was finally gone, he turned to Riley, "He thinks I'm twenty-one."

"I can't believe you took the glass."

"Well, he offered. I didn't want to be rude and say no."

"That doesn't mean you should take it either way. What if someone asks for your ID."

"Who here is gonna ask? The people who are on their fifth glass?"

"You're ridiculous," she chuckled.

He drank the champagne in less than five gulps and set it down near the rest of the empty drinks, "If he offers me again, I'm gonna take it."

"Okay, whatever. Here, I want to show you one of Maya's."

He allowed her to lead the way, her eyes shining as she gripped his sleeve a little tighter to point out another detail. The hallway was stunning, it was just the way he imagined any kind of gallery to look like. The walls her filled with paintings and statues of marble, there were gold-colored designs on the walls with fancy displays all throughout.

"This is Maya's," she informed. "It's my favorite, it's so beautiful. She painted it on a Sunday night and we literally talked the entire time. Took her twelve hours. I even spoon-fed her cereal. And it's crazy, she just saw a picture of Josh and felt inspired. Didn't even sit down to sketch it out. She just knew what she wanted."

"That's insane."

"It's their silhouette out on a romantic walk. If you look close enough you start to notice that the trees take the appearance of large flowers. Tulips to be exact. They're the first-ever flowers he gave her."

"She's really talented."

"That's Maya for ya."

When they were ready to move on from it, they entered another exhibition, on a different side of the gallery. Immediately Riley began to notice that the paintings changed in contrast the more they continued. A painting on the wall caught her eye. It was bright and eye-grabbing, but there was a touch of sadness to it that tugged at the back of her mind. She'd seen this painting before, but this time it had made her feel something. "This one is absolutely breathtaking."

"How?"

In order to tell him the real meaning behind the painting, she needed to guide him through it instead. "What do you see on your first glance?" she asked.

He sighed and squinted, "Just a whole bunch of colored squares."

"Well, yeah, but keep looking. There's a bigger picture."

His green eyes followed the image from corner to corner. He could only see the colors, but just then he took notice of it. "Hang on, it's a bridge."

"Yes," she smiled, "Now tilt your head to the side."

His head turned, "Is that...it kind of looks like a person?"

"It is. It's the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. A lot of people have killed themselves there."

"You mean like they threw themselves off? Like...jumped?"

She nodded. "I like this painting because, at your first glance, it's just a whole bunch of colored squares. But the second you get closer and stare at it, it has a deeper meaning."

"That's so interesting."

"It's the beauty of art. You wanna keep going?" He extended his arm for her to lace her fingers with his, once they were intact, they continued their walk. "You know when I was younger, probably in the fourth grade, I used to spend hours and hours trying to be an artist. Maya was always so good at it and I wanted to be just as good as her, but I could never get it right. Mine were always ugly. So in art class, she'd help me paint step by step. Until my paintings were even tolerable to look at. One day, in particular, you walked into our class to deliver a candy gram to Silvia Paxton. I don't know what was going on between you guys at the time, but the entire class _oohed_ and I was extremely jealous."

Lucas smiled. He remembered dating her in the past even though he and Riley still had their unofficial thing going on. "I was depressed the entire day and opted for dark colors. Maya was so upset because I wasn't following her directions and I was upset because we only had a 57 percent chance of being together. You should've been there. I was so hurt that day, but now all I can do is laugh. I guess part of me hoped I painted something good out of it."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean about 57 percent chance of us being together? How'd you get that number?"

"What?" she asked him, almost as if she was trying to act like she didn't know what she was talking about.

"You just said 57 percent? What do you mean by that?"

"Oh my gosh," she lamented, feeling her face go crimson.

"Hang on, hang on," he chuckled. "Did you enter our names into a love calculator or something?" She tried to deny it, but he knew she was lying. He let out a snort before taking notice of the rosy hue that's begun filling her cheeks. "You totally did."

"I might've done it on one or two occasions," she confessed and like the mature adult she was, she covered her face with her hands and let out a groan, wondering if it's possible to die of humiliation.

He let out a boisterous peal of laughter. "Riley…"

"Stop laughing," she advised, noticing that a few people had turned to stare at them. "Okay, okay, it's not that funny."

"It's hilarious," he said, pulling her in for a hug. He found the idea of Riley turning to a love calculator for confirmation on their relationship cute. "I love you so much, you know that right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

"And this time you don't need to ask a calculator. My love for you is at a hundred percent."

The brunette felt a smile frame the ends of her lips, "We're never circling back to this conversation again. Okay? Got it? Is that clear?"

"Got it. Crystal clear."

She turned to look away from him, but stopped in front of a painting and let out a little breath, clearly enraptured. "Hey, don't you think the guy in this painting kinda looks like you?"

"What?" he asked and turned to her curiously.

"Look," she pointed. "That one there, he looks like you."

Intrigued, Lucas stared at the painting in question to search for any resemblances. He found himself looking at a painting of what seemed to be the profile of a young blonde man staring into complete darkness. While the painting was simple, the contrast between his skin tone and darkness made for an interesting concept.

"It actually kinda does. That's so cool. What do you think it means?" he asked.

The brunette shrugged, "Don't know. He's just staring into nothing."

When Lucas turned to it once again, he studied the details in the painting. This time he wanted to make his own interpretation of the painting like Riley did with the one before. The only thought that came to his mind was that the guy in the painting didn't know where he was heading, he didn't know what his future entailed and he was walking on an empty path towards something he didn't know the outcome of.

In a way, he felt like he could actually relate to it because he'd been there before.

Many, many times before.

**_ooo_**

When the night came to an end, Maya walked into her room and picked up her phone. She was home just in time to call Josh and she was happy to tell him about her day. Even though she felt like her art could use some improvement, she was proud of the progress she had made over the years. And more importantly, she was proud of herself for participating in her first art show and braving the public's criticism.

She was also delighted to have already talked to five potential buyers. The night was going perfectly, somehow even better than she ever could have hoped, and now Josh was going to complete her night.

"Hey," he answered. "How'd it go? I saw your Snaps."

"Josh, it was incredible," she laid on her bed and smiled, "Everybody I spoke to that night had good things so say about my work. And guess what. You're not gonna believe me, but guess what."

"What?"

"Five," she squealed. "Five potential buyers and their prices all range from five to ten grand."

"That's insane. For real?"

"Yes. And that number is normal to them. They said it like it didn't hurt them. I'm just so starstruck. My art is finally getting recognized and I think I already know who I'm gonna give it to."

"Who?"

"Sean Mitchel. He's the PR manager for a magazine company and he feels like the perfect place to frame my painting is in one of their meeting rooms. I can just imagine them turning to look at it for inspiration."

"What do you plan on doing with the money?" he asked. "Do you have anything in mind?"

"Yeah, there are a few things. But I'm just gonna sit down one day to think everything out. I think maybe then is when I'll decide what I want to do with it. "

"That's great."

"But enough about me... what'd you do today? You haven't texted me at all."

"Well, Maya Hart, that's because I've been super busy today...booking an internship..."

"Josh, really?!" she squealed, "That's so great. How?"

"My teacher recommended me. Do you want to know where it's at?"

"Where?"

"New York," he answered. "I'm gonna be there for the entire summer."

The blonde wanted to scream in excitement. Josh was coming home soon and she couldn't wait to see him. It was as if everything in her life was finally changing, it had been good before but now things were taking a turn for the better.

_**ooo**_

There _he_ was, Riley thought.

Even through dimmed lights and loud music, Riley could see Zay standing on the other side of the house. He was talking to two of his friends while she sat in the living room staring at him. He seemed different, almost careless in the way he carried himself and all Riley could do was think about how distant they've become.

She used to talk to him every time he felt lost and now she couldn't even do that. Riley didn't know how long she'd been staring at him because he seemed to take notice and occasionally stare at her too. For a moment they made eye contact, but he was the first to break it.

When he walked away and into a separate room, Riley jumped at the chance to do so. "Hey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Lucas asked.

"Just..the bathroom. I won't be gone for long."

"Hurry up, girl. Or I'm gonna finish your drink," a half-drunken Maya commented.

"Sober up," she laughed, the way she was leaning on Farkle only made her laugh. "I'm gonna bring you water, someone needs to help you out."

"Don't be a buzz kill."

"I'm bringing you water."

"Boo," she whined, elongating the word.

When Riley walked away from them, she followed the steps Zay had taken. She walked passed the kitchen and onto the hallway and the only available door was the one that led towards the outside.

She walked through it and immediately spotted him. He was using his phone, but the second their eyes met, he ended the call. "Riley, what are you doing here?" he questioned.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yeah, there is. I just need two minutes, okay? That's all I need. Please, Zay."

When she stepped closer to him, he took a step back. "Riley..."

"I didn't mean for things to go the way they did that night," she confessed. "I was hurt because I thought you were abandoning me when I needed you the most and I'm sorry. It's just... I was going through a lot and I couldn't think logically. I'm really sorry."

"Look, Riley, I'm gonna be straight with you. As long as your dating Lucas you're always gonna have problems. No matter how good you think everything is going, you're bound to find something out eventually. It's something that you're not gonna like and something you're gonna be upset about. I know this more than everybody I was his friend a lot longer than you were his girlfriend."

"What don't I know?" she asked. Zay was the second person who had ever hinted at something Lucas has done in the past that she wasn't aware of. The first person being Charlie.

He shook his head, "I'm not getting involved. 'Cause when he finds out, and he will, it's gonna be all bad. Again."

She furrowed her brows, she wished she understood everything, but there was also apart of her that didn't want to know. She loved Lucas and although she knew he wasn't perfect, she wasn't sure she could tolerate learning more things about him that would only cloud his image.

He turned to walk away from her, but she stopped him. "Just know that I'm sorry. And I never meant for you to get arrested."

He clenched his jaw and when they're eyes met, his expression lightened. "Thank your mom for me."

Going through with her original excuse, Riley decided to use the bathroom. She needed time to think and a place to be alone, but as soon as she got there, she realized she wasn't.

She could hear the retching the second she stepped inside.

"Hey, are you okay?" she called out, but the retches continued. "Hello? I can get you a water if you'd like."

Another retch.

She decided to step inside to help the girl who was throwing up. When she got to the door for the toilet, she knocked once again. "Hey, is everything okay?"

The retching stopped and the toilet flushed. She could hear the girl inside adjusting her dress before opening the door, revealing herself to be Missy. Riley could practically feel her eyes roll. She didn't get along with Missy and she realized she had been trying to comfort the wrong person.

"What bitch?" the sassy teen questioned, walking towards the sink to wash her mouth, "Fix your dumbass face. But I'll take that water."

"Girl, what you need is a mint."

She stepped out of the bathroom and sighed. Everything about tonight was not working out for her and she needed to go home. From Zay not wanting to talk to her after four months and Missy being rude to her she decided to call it a night.

She handed the water to the half-drunken blonde and gestured to Lucas that she wanted to go. When he stood up, he reached for her hand and he drove her home.

_**ooo**_

**March 24, 2021**

A week after Maya's art show, a very excited Josh arrived in New York after completing his freshman year of college.

They saw each other for the first time since at Topanga's and spoke for hours. They caught each other up on their lives even though they basically spoke the entire time they were apart and knew everything going on in each other's lives.

To kick off the hundred and fifty-four days they were given together, they spend the entire day walking around New York visiting all of their favorite places. And since they hadn't been on an official date for the longest time, Josh decided it would be a good idea to go on one.

Which is why Riley was doing her best friend's makeup that night, "Maya stop it, you aren't letting me finish."

"You haven't finished?" she complained, adjusting herself on her chair in front of the vanity.

"Just give me one more minute. I'm about to add the finishing touch. Stay still, please."

Maya sat perfectly still, but she felt kind of stupid. She'd never done this for anybody before and she was unsure if things we're gonna work out the way they planned.

"Okay, we're done. Come take a look."

Maya turned towards the mirror by Riley's door. Her blonde hair fell on waves around her face, framing it perfectly. Her features were enhanced with black eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara. Her usually pale cheeks had been lightly dusted in pink and her lips looked fuller with the pale shade of lipstick on.

"You look beautiful," she complimented.

"I know. You did a great job. I just gotta be honest I feel weird."

"I'm literally making you look pretty for my uncle, this feels weird on my end too," the brunette joked but noticed Maya's hesitation. "What is there to be weirded out about? It's Josh."

"Exactly," she exclaimed. "It's Josh. My Josh. We don't do these kinds of things."

"It's just a date."

"Yeah, our first one In like a year."

"What? That can't be right," the brunette said before turning back to organize the makeup she had used on her friend. "What would you guys do when he came to visit?"

"We'd just hang out."

"Well think of that as a date and you pretty much have it under control."

"It's kinda hard to do that when those "dates" were just us cuddling and watching TV," she air quoted. "Josh and I don't do official dates like going out for a romantic dinner or a walk in Central Park. We just play video games, get drunk, and have sex."

"Okay ill," Riley commented, feeling the need to remind the blonde that Josh was her uncle. "And you literally have nothing to worry about. He loves you too much. Things could never get awkward and weird between you guys."

"I'm really hoping you're right. I guess I'm just nervous it's been a while since we've done this. I can't be playful around him on an official date."

"He just wants to spend time with you, Maya. That's all that matters. By the way, this look," she wove a makeup brush to her face, "...really suits you. Let's get you in the dress."

"I already told you it's not a dress." She protested.

The blonde walked into the bathroom and jumped into her black, plunging neckline cutout jumpsuit with a long nude leather duster coat on top.

"All done." She said turning to the full-length mirror. She had to admit, she looked different; beautiful. "Good job, Riles."

"Thank you. I'll send you the bill."

"Haha," the blonde mimicked, "Wish me luck."

"Not like you need it or anything, but good luck."

When the blonde walked down the steps, Josh had already been there engaging in a conversation with his older brother. He looked handsome as ever in his suit and slicked-back hair. She had already seen him in one before, but that was a long, long time ago. If she were honest she didn't really remember it exactly, but this time around everything was black, and it suited him perfectly. He was incredibly handsome.

Josh, on the other hand, was really looking at her, totally engrossed in the sight before him. He had been left speechless.

"Mhh-mhh." Cory had to clear her throat so that both of them could fall back down to planet Earth. "You guys are still here."

"Oh, go grade your kid's homework," Maya taunted, playfully gesturing for him to walk away.

Once he was gone, Josh spoke. "I… " he chuckled, "Sorry. I brought you flowers; I know it's not your thing, but I wanted to give it a try."

"They're beautiful, thank you."

She received the white lilies and set them down on the table beside the couch. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"See ya later Matthews. Your daughter said I could spend the night."

By the time the door was closing, Maya could hear Cory's playful remark, "Quick, Topanga go change the knobs."

Josh opened his car door and offered his hand to help her inside. Once they had made it to the restaurant, Maya was left staring at the lavish decorations: there were flowers everywhere and glistening chandeliers; it looked more like a castle.

"Right this way." The hostess smiled before taking them to a secluded balcony.

"Mr. Matthews, your waiter will be here in a minute."

"Thank you." As soon as she was gonna, Josh helped Maya out of her coat and into her chair.

Maya could only bring herself to admire the place, it was impressive and it looked expensive. She had also caught onto his gesture. "You don't have to do that, Josh."

"I want to. And as long as I'm your boyfriend I'm going to continue doing it." They stared into each other's eyes and all he could bring himself to say was, "You look so beautiful."

She looked at him and saw an obvious devotion in his eyes. "I know I do," she pushed her hair behind her shoulder, feigning confidence.

He only kept on grinning. He reached out and placed his hand over hers. "I can't believe I finally get to see you, in person. I get to touch you, be near you, love you… this feels amazing."

"I love you so much, Josh."

By the time they left the restaurant, Maya thought their date was coming to an end. He was a block away from Riley's house, but he made a turn onto a different street.

"There's some place else I wanted to take you."

"Okay, where too?"

He refused to tell her, but ten minutes later they stopped in front of a hotel that was just as astounding as the restaurant.

"Here? This is where you wanted to bring me? Josh, what are we doing here?"

"I booked us a room." He suddenly seemed nervous, considering the real reason he got the room for them in the first place.

"Josh, you didn't have to do all this.

"Yes, I did. It's our first date in a year, I wanted to make this special for you."

"Okay," she extended her room and followed him inside the hotel. The ride on the elevator was short and they made it to their room in no time. It had a beautiful view of the city that Maya admired, she could see the Empire State building from where she stood and it looked beautiful surrounded by the city lights.

"Here you go," he said, handing her a drink from the mini bar in the kitchen. "Just the way you like it."

She took the drink from his hand and sat down on the couch, "Tell me about your internship."

"I'm basically gonna be shadowing a few writers for The New York Times and if they like my writing, I'll get to publish my own article. It's a paid internship and I'm gonna be making good money so in a few weeks expect a lot coming in."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know some jewelry, I know you've been wanting new art supplies so…"

"No, Josh," she sat upright, "Don't waste any of that money on me. Spoil yourself or save it for later, I'm good on money right now, remember?" she said, referring to the artwork she sold at the gallery.

"Have you decided what you're gonna do with that money?"

She nodded, "I have, but I'm not gonna say because I want it to be a surprise for later. I think you're gonna love it."

"It's not for me, is it?"

"No," she shook her head. She leaned in close, pressing her body against his, smiling when she elt him tense in response. "It's for me. But you're gonna love that it's for me."

He nodded. By the time they were done with their conversation, Josh began to kiss her neck. He had gotten ahead of himself and caved in to his desires sooner than he expected.

The blonde unconsciously tilted her head to the side to give him more access, biting her lips, in love with the fact that she was finally gonna spend the night with him.

He moved her hair to the side and kept on kissing her neck, it was slowly driving her crazy, awakening her. Then he began to slide the thick straps off her jumpsuit and down her shoulder following it with a trail of kisses. "You are so beautiful, so, so, so beautiful…"

She brought his chin closer to her lips, her breath hot against his ear, "Then make me feel like it."

They waltzed backward and leaned against the wall. His hands gripping her hips, just the way she liked. She pulled the hair at the nape of his neck, just the way he's always loved. It was like they were learning a language, they were falling back in the familiarity of how they touched one another. He had forgotten how much he loved the effect it had on him.

He trailed down from her lips earning himself one of her melodic whimpers. He gripped the backs of her thighs, hoisting her up. Her arms wrapping around his neck while her legs wrapped around his torso.

"Let's go to the other room," she gestured.

He smiled, liking the idea. "I love you so much, Maya Hart."

_**ooo**_

Riley and Lucas laid on her bed catching up on an episode of their favorite show - that they'd deny if asked about it - Red Planet Diaries. At first, Lucas was completely against the idea and thought it was a childish show, but once she got him to watch the first episode, they continued watching the rest.

As the episode was coming to an end and she laid on Lucas's chest, all Riley could bring herself to think about was Zay and what he told her a few days ago. The guilt about police arresting him after an argument they were having was eating her alive and it wasn't getting better. Every time she thought about it her feelings would get hurt and she'd send herself down a rabbit hole that was almost impossible to come out of.

She wished that the feelings could go away, but they'd never be able to unless Zay agreed to talk to her, which he hadn't fully done. He rejected her every attempt and the party from a few days back was another example. Only this time he revealed something about Lucas that she'd heard before.

Thinking about Lucas made her want to tell him about Zay's arrest, she hadn't before and now she wanted to, but she stopped herself. He'd ask why they were together and she wouldn't be able to tell him because they met up to talk about her relationship with Lucas; which wasn't doing so well at the time.

Just then she started thinking about their friendship. Zay and Lucas had been friends since the second grade and used to be inseparable, but now she hadn't seen them together for the longest time. And that's when she remembered what Charlie told her a few months back at Lucas' birthday party.

Lucas had told them to stay away from Riley.

And suddenly everything clicked.

_No, _she thought._ Zay wouldn't do that. They were good friends, he'd stick up to Lucas if he ever made him do that. There's no way he'd listen to him unless he..._

She thought back to _that_ night. There was a reason Officer Stone kept looking at Zay. Besides that fact that the policeman was racist, he also asked Zay about the bruises on his face.

Zay told her it was a dirt bike accident, but no dirt bike would leave a bruise the size of a...fist.

Immediately, her gaze turned to Lucas.

_There's no way,_ she thought once again. _No that's insane, Lucas would never do that to his best friend. Lucas would never physically hurt Zay. Not in a way that was so brutal and cruel._

But then, it hit. _"No matter how good you think everything is going, you're bound to find something out eventually. It's something that you're not gonna like and something you're gonna be upset about."_

She sat upright, "Lucas, I'm gonna ask you something very serious and I need you to tell me the truth," she said to him.

The smile on his lips flattened and his brows furrowed, "Ask me what?"

"Did you hit Zay that night?"

He kept his gaze on her, "What are you talking about? What night?"

"The night of the pageant show. We were angry at each other, remember? I went to hug him you were upset, the following Monday he came back to school with a black eye and a bruised face. Was that you?"

"Riley, why would you even say that...that wasn't...me. I'd never do that."

The thing about Lucas was that he was never a good liar. No matter how hard he tried there was always a tale. Lucas' was stammering and speaking in a higher pitch than usual. She picked up on it the first time he lied about cheating on her - when she had already known the truth; because of Zay. "You should get out."

The conclusion she made in her head was enough to leave her stunned. Riley stared at those bruises for hours when she spoke to Zay and the bruises were so dark she could basically see the yellow starting to form in them. She wasn't sure she could date a guy that could do so much damage to his best friend.

"Get out," she demanded, pointing straight at her bay window.

"Riley..." he tried to calm her down, but that had only made it worse.

"Get the fuck out!" she yelled, pushing him off of her bed. "I don't want to talk to you right now. Get out!"

He stared at her for a few seconds before climbing out of her window. He wasn't exactly sure how she found out, but he was certain this had ruined the past two months they had spent together.

And they were back to square one; for the billionth time.

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Ahhhh, two more chapters and this story is finally over. Even though things don't sound or look like they're coming to an end, trust me, they are. But the final chapter is when everything wraps. Everyone will get their ending. Thank you guys so much for reading. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	23. 22: A Lifetime of Arguing

**A/N: Hello everybody! I wanted to start this off by telling you guys something important. This chapter is centered around the discussion of an eating disorder, specifically bulimia. If you find this sensitive and triggering I wouldn't read it, it's nothing dark nothing heavy, but the topic alone is extremely important and I wanted to write about it. I also wanted to mention that if this is something you're dealing with, please, please, please, seek help.**

**You are never alone.**

**Katy Kear: Something ALWAYS goes wrong. That's the absolute certainty of toxic relationships. I think the way Joshaya is handled in this series and the way the story ends and where they leave off is better than proposing if I'm honest. It's almost bittersweet, but I felt like Josh proposing was almost too expected and I wanted something different for them. Thank you so much for reviewing!**

**Guest: Not rushing anything trust me. And I have mentioned that everything starts to wrap in the last chapter.**

**Hey: I have a friend who's astrology obsessed and it inspired me to include some of it in the series. Riley's birthday is on December 8th, 2002 and she's a Sagittarius, and Lucas was born January 15th, 2003 and he's a Capricorn. I had no idea they were fire and earth, omg. Please let me know where you find out about these things they're so cool.**

**Guest: I always felt like if Riley and Lucas never got together, she would've dated Farkle. They were cute as well. I would've preferred if the triangle was more Riley, Lucas, and Farkle, that would've been interesting. And thank you, Joshaya in this series looks like an angel with wings.**

**GuestEstelle: I think you're focusing too much on Maya's take on this. Riley easily manipulated everybody into thinking Lucas was perfect because she didn't want anybody to know. She couldn't pick up on anything if Riley wasn't showing what she was truly feeling. Plus, Riley hasn't really been spending that much time with her because she's dealing with so much. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 22**

**Lose You to Love Me **

_**ooo**_

**May 6th, 2016**

Twelve-year-old Missy Bradford ate breakfast with her family. Her mother, Christina, sat at the head of the table while her father, Dylan, sat opposite of her. They ate their scrambled eggs with bacon peacefully as the little brunette smiled and laughed at her father's playful gestures. He'd often flick tiny pieces of food at her whenever her mother wasn't looking to make her smile, they did this often that it became their little tradition.

So when Christina looked away, Missy flicked a grape at her father and laughed.

"Dylan, honey, before you leave for work don't forget that your lunch is in the kitchen and the light bill is due by the end of the day."

"Got it," he flashed a beaming smile at his wife before turning his attention to his daughter. "I have good news, I can take you to school today."

"Really?" young Missy cheered in excitement, "You can?"

"I can."

This was rare. Dylan hadn't taken his daughter to school since the fourth grade due to his work and it had really bothered Missy. She loved spending time with her dad and being near her dad. The only thing in the way of their time together was his job and it saddened her.

"That's not a good idea, Dylan," her mother disagreed. "You can't be late to work."

"But I want to drive her to school. I never have time and I do now."

Christina set her fork down and glared at her husband, "Then you should take this time to pay the bill."

He dropped his posture, "Nina come on, I'll do that when I come back from work."

"If you make it in time," she snarled.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, Missy wondering what was going on with their silent exchange. After a few seconds of what seemed like contemplation, Dylan spoke, "Sorry, Missy. Guess today's not the day."

She frowned, she was used to this. "It's okay, dad. Can we still watch re-runs of Friends tonight?"

"Of course we can," he sat up from his chair and stared at the both of them, "I have to get going." He kissed his wife on the lips before kissing his daughter's cheek and heading out the door. "I'll be home around six."

By the time he had left, Christina and Missy were left together in awkward silence. Her mother turned to her direction and just as she was about to take another bite of her bacon, she pulled the plate away from her. "You've had enough."

"But mom, I haven't even ate the - "

"I said you've had enough," she deadpanned. "You don't need the extra weight, you've already gained too much."

She nodded, watching her mom remove the plate from in front of her. She had ate less than yesterday's breakfast and she was still hungry, she almost failed to make it through the day before and she wasn't sure she'd be as lucky today.

She wasn't sure how long this would continue, but she knew it wasn't right. She was too scared to say anything, her mother wanted her to be the best at everything and so did she, and she wouldn't be able to be the center of attention if she refused her mother's advice.

So if she had to starve to be pretty like her mom had said, then that's what she'd do.

"Now go get ready for school. We leave in five minutes."

"Yes, mom."

_**ooo**_

Looking for a way to get away from Lucas, Riley hid in the girls bathroom. She didn't want to talk to him and she was in a desparate need for an escape. When she stepped inside and contemplated her predicament with Lucas, she heard muffled crying coming the stalls.

The crying sounded familiar and she was sure she had heard it before. "Hello? Is someone in there?"

The crying stopped.

She was going to leave it alone and forget about what she'd heard until she was reminded of her morals. Riley cared about people, even if she didn't know them. She was determined to help who ever it was that was crying for two reasons. One: it'd make her feel better and two: it gave her time away from Lucas. She walked towards the stall she assumed the crying was coming from. "Are-are you okay?"

The toilet flushed and out walked her arch-nemesis: Missy Bradford with the same evil look in her eyes. "What bitch?"

She sighed at the jab, "I thought-I thought I heard you cry -"

"You thought wrong," she stared at herself in the mirror before washing her hands, hardly making eye contact with her. "By the way your hair's dry, your shirt is ugly and your makeup makes you look ten times heavier."

She rolled her eyes once the insults started rolling in. "I'm not in the mood, okay? I heard you crying and I wanted to know if you were okay."

"That's not your responsibility."

She nodded almost annoyed. "Guess not." When she turned to walk out the bathroom, there was so much on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to say. There was something about her argument with Lucas, minutes ago, that made her want to say something. She turned around to look the brunette in front of her, "You know what I tried," she said giving up. "There's a reason you cry in here alone after all. Just don't say I was never there for you when I tried to be."

By the time Missy said something, her hand had reached the knob. Missy's words were faint, but she uttered something along the lines of, "I've been purging again."

She stopped in her tracks and turned to her, "You've been what?"

"I've been purging," she cried, she went to wipe the tears from her eyes but they kept producing.

"P-p-purging?" she asked once more, "What does - ? Like throwing up?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Riley had never seen Missy like this. She'd never seen her so vulnerable and broken before and that's how she knew the brunette was telling the truth. "Oh my God, are you okay? Missy we can talk about this, this is serious -"

"No, we're not talking about this," she interrupted, hardly believing she even cared. "You're the last person I would ever talk to about this now leave me alone. I told you because...I don't know. Now leave."

"You can't just tell me this and expect me to forget."

"Well, you're gonna have to, okay? And please don't tell anybody. I'll actually hurt you."

Although it sounded like a threat, her words were more of a plea. "Yeah, I wasn't planning to. I just want to talk to you."

"And I said no," she yelled, "You'll never know what it's like. You'll never understand what I'm going through because you have nothing to complain about. You've had this perfect life since you were a kid, you've been given everything you ever wanted. You'll never understand what I'm going through so why do you care?"

"I just do. And you're right, I might not understand, but...talking about it always helps. It does, trust me. I know you don't like me, I get that, I've seen it happen literally every day, but don't let that be the reason you refuse my help."

Missy wiped the tears from her cheeks and slid down against the wall, breaking into an uncontrollable sob. Riley quickly looked the bathroom door and sat beside her, comforting someone she never thought she'd ever have to comfort.

By the time Missy had calmed herself down and drank from her water, she had regained the breaths she had lost while crying. "You're the first person that has ever cared to ask me what's wrong. Thank you."

Riley touched her chest, there was something about the comment that saddened her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She turned to see that the door had been locked. Even though the gesture was small it proved to Missy that Riley truly did care about her story and that she looked it because she didn't want anyone walking in and seeing her lie this. She gulped and took another deep breath, preparing to confess something she had never done before. "I suffer from bulimia."

Riley's hand moved to her mouth, completely shocked by Missy's statement.

"I have been since I was twelve."

"Missy, I'm so sorry. I had no clue."

"It's not your fault," she sighed, "It's not my fault either, I know that now."

Riley stared at her and forgot what to say. What could she say to someone suffering from something that threatening? What could she say to someone with a disorder so psychologically twisted? She couldn't wish them the best and kick them to the curb, that wouldn't do anything good. She couldn't express how sorry she was and then forgot about it, she needed to do something.

In that moment, Riley realized she needed to understand Missy's upbringing and how the disorder originated before she could truly help her. "Can I ask how i started?"

Missy thought back. There was only one thing that contributed to every factor and every downfall in her stressful life and she'd never forget it. "My mom..."

**May 9, 2016**

_On the fateful day malnourished Missy was left home alone, she discretely walked into her pantry and ripped open a candy bag. Her mother, Christina, hadn't fed her enough for three days and the hunger was killing her. She needed to eat. _

_Taking giant bites, she felt the sugar dissolve on her tongue and it felt like literal heaven in her mouth. _

_Before she knew it, she had finished the bag and went back for another. _

_And another. _

_And another. _

_She thought she was gonna have enough time to clean everything up and blame the missing food on her dog, but her mother had walked in at an unexpected time. _

_She stood by the front door, gazing miserably at the traces of food binge in her living room and yelled at her. She forced her to clean everything up and when Missy yelled at her mother and told her she was hungry, Christina called her daughter fat for the first time. _

_Ten minutes later, in the comfort of her own bathroom, twelve year old Missy Bradford stuck her fingers down her throat. At first she only gagged and her eyes watered, but on the second time she felt the contents of her stomach begin to rise. And before she knew it, she was grabbing onto the toilet throwing up almost uncontrollably._

_Her mother's words were coming back like boomerangs and she couldn't help it. She had to keep forcing herself to throw up. _

_And then it was quiet._

_She laid down on the bathroom floor. The burning in her throat was one of the most uncomfortable feelings she had ever experienced yet it brought a slight bit of relief. She had done it. She had gotten rid of the calories and the junk in her system._

_Ever so slowly, she stood up using the wall for balance. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands. Unlocking the door, she walked out of her room and into the study. _

_Ready to do her homework like nothing happened before. _

_She didn't expect for this to set forward a chain reaction. It had been the first time she forced herself to throw up and this behavior followed her for five more years. _

_Until it had finally overwhelmed her._

_**ooo**_

As part of their end of the year Robotics club field trip, Isadora, Farkle, and thirteen other students spent the entire school day at their town's amusement park. It was their way of celebrating all the little robots they created and their competitions since the start of the year.

Isadora and Farkle went on every rollercoaster, every attraction, and had the time of their lives. And if Isadora was completely honest, she was grateful for the bonding opportunities she and Farkle had. They did everything together. At first, things were awkward between them, but just like every relationship, the more you speak to them the more and more comfortable you become.

And it was much easier for her to feel comfortable with him given their history. She dated him for a year and was in love with him before. He was still the same Farkle and she was still the same Isadora which was something she was happy to admit.

By the time the moon rose and the night sky settled in, Farkle and Isadora sat together on the bus ride home. She sat the teddy bear he had won for her on her lap as she casually stole handfuls of popcorn from his tub.

But it wasn't until they stared into each other's eyes when things started getting serious. They hadn't realized that spending the entire day together and having fun would awaken old feelings they hadn't felt in a while. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back. "What are you doing?"

His brows furrowed, "I thought-it's just we were having such a good time. I just assumed this was okay."

"Well, yeah, we were, but...what about Cara? She's your girlfriend and -"

"Hang on," he interrupted. "You haven't heard?"

"No," she said unsure, "Heard what?"

"Cara and I broke up."

"You did?" she was shocked to hear that. Whenever she looked at them and they were together they seemed to be having the best time ever. She never expected them to break up.

The genius nodded. "Yeah, we did."

"I didn't know about this. When did it happen?"

"A few months ago, actually."

"Farkle, I'm sorry, I had no idea. How?"

"I just...I had feelings for another girl."

He said this in a way that let her know she was the other girl. Immediately, she began to feel her cheeks turn pink especially at the chance that he could be talking to her. "I guess that would explain why she's found, other friends."

"Guess it does. We still keep in touch, we ended things on good terms, but we're just friends."

"Then I guess we can do this," she placed both her hands on his cheeks and pulled him in closer. The second their lips touched Isadora was reminded of all the fun times they had together. She spent a year of her life with him and it was easily one of the best years of her life.

When the kiss was over and the ride continued, Farkle laced his hand with hers. And for a moment everything was perfect.

Until suddenly it wasn't.

Isadora rested her head on the cool window, watching the trees pass them by as they made their way home. She was so concentrated and so focused on something she had just started thinking about and it instantly made her nervous.

Judging by her sweaty palms, Farkle knew something was wrong with her. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. But when their eyes met, Farkle raised a brow that indicated he didn't believe her.

"C'mon, Isadora. You can't lie to me. You're worried about something, I can tell."

She turned on her seat so that her body was facing his, "I'm scared."

"Scared?" he asked. _What could she possibly be scared about?_ He thought.

"What if my parents find out about us? I can't go another year doing what they made me do the last time we got caught. I just can't. And what if things aren't the same between us?"

"Can I be honest with you?" he spoke gently and calmly, he knew this was something she'd respond well too. Isadora was a prime example of someone who fed on someone else's energy. If her friends were having fun, she was having fun, if she was panicking and somebody was panicking with her, she'd panic even more. This is why Farkle decided he wasn't gonna panic with her. Instead, he'd calmly give his input.

"Please."

"Things aren't gonna be the same between us," he revealed. "But people change for the better, don't you think?"

"I really hope so," she whispered.

"And I don't know your parents, I don't know how they'll react, but I'm okay with keeping us a secret from them again. We've done it before and this time I won't try to test our luck. No more wanting a few extra minutes at your place. We'll be twice as careful as long as we're together. That's all I want. Do you?"

She let herself smile and linked her arm with his. Slowly, she sunk down on her seat and rested her head on his shoulder. "Can we promise each other something?"

"What is it?"

"When this all works out and we're adults, and make a steady living and we're married," she began, catching his smile from the corner of her eyes, "Promise me we'll never be this hard on our children."

"I promise," he assured.

Isadora was raised to be the perfect Christian, her parents were unnecessarily difficult on her and in return, she grew to resent the religion. She knew and respected its principals but she wasn't sure she could ever relive those practices and enforce them on her children, she would never allow it. And she was grateful for the guy she was in love with was on board. "Good," she sighed absentmindedly.

She didn't know what their relationship would entail this time around, but she knew things were going to change. She knew what she wanted and she was glad Farkle knew too, and if the change in their relationship supported that, then she was going to be okay with it.

_**ooo**_

Lucas angrily stormed into Topanga's and searched the cafe for a certain brunette. Ever since she kicked him out of her room, Riley was another silent treatment spree. She wasn't talking to him or answering any of his calls or text messages. He took it upon himself to go to her room and talk things out, but she had locked her bay window which was a clear indication she did not want to see him.

She had been avoiding him completely and he just about had it.

He had reached his maximum level of patience and was mad at Riley for refusing to talk to him. He had searched everywhere, her room, her usual hangouts, and their spot at central park - a place she had frequently visited - to no avail.

His last resort: Topanga's. And by the time he got there, his patience had run out. He walked towards the older blonde he had often seen talking to Riley, Lucas figured she worked there considering the way she was dressed and how much time she spent in the cafe.

He reached the counter just as she had finished wiping it clean. "Excuse me, have you seen Riley?"

She shook her head no, "I'm afraid I haven't, I'm really sorry. She doesn't come on Tuesday's but have you tried her cell?"

"Fuck," he angrily cursed, alarming the blonde. She wasn't expecting him to raise his voice so abruptly.

Topanga's was the last place Lucas expected Riley to be and now that she wasn't, he had no clue. He was angry Riley was doing this to him, one of his biggest pet peeves was Riley avoiding him. It pissed him off to the greatest extent. Before walking out, Lucas slammed the door shut, causing the majority of the people inside the cafe to turn.

_**ooo**_

**August 15, 2018**

**First day of freshman year...**

_Missy Bradford woke up in the early morning not because of her alarm clock on her night stand, but because of her stomach demanding food. Slowly, she rose from the comfort of her bed to get ready for school. But, like every other day, she did not get more than five steps when a wave of dizziness struck her. She felt her world spin for a few seconds before she eased herself down and waited until it passed. _

_When she was sure she wouldn't collapse, she sauntered towards her bathroom. The first thing she did was step on her scale, more out of habit than anything else. She waited a few seconds before her weight flashed on the display screen._

_101 lbs. _

_She stepped off the scale and sighed in frustration. She had lost less than half a pound in a day and she had already started the day off on the wrong foot. _

_She slid her pajamas off and took a quick shower. Like always, she made sure the water was icy cold. The cold water helped her lose weight. _

_By the time she was done, her body was shivering. Her hair was pulled back and her skin was pale, almost ghost-like. The bags under her eyes were just as stubborn as before and she would need to cover them up with extra makeup like always. _

_She stared into her reflection and ran her fingers across her chest, feeling her ribcage. Her fingers went down to her hips and a tear fell down her cheek, she could feel the bones but she needed to see them. Otherwise she felt like she wasn't making any progress. _

_She carefully made her way towards her closet and got dressed for school. She settled for a while top with boyfriend jeans and white Vans, anything to make her look normal yet confident, but most importantly: pretty. _

_When she made it to school, the first thing she did was stare at the other girls in the open hallways. They all seemed comfortable and happy with themselves and she could never understand how. She spent all her life hating the way she looked and she wanted nothing more than to not care, but she did. Deeply. _

_As usual, her eyes shifted to a certain brunette. _

_She was standing with her friends by their lockers and smiling. She was dressed in a nice outfit coupled with a gold bracelet that Missy adored. She always wanted one from the start, but her mother wouldn't let her have it unless she was satisfied with her weight loss. _

_Just then she saw Lucas walked passed her, he hardly acknowledged her and she__ felt her heart sting. There was a rumor that he and Riley had an unofficial thing going on, but she doubted it. She had never seen them together which gave her hope, Lucas was the only thing Riley didn't have that she wanted. _

_But the moment she and Lucas started dating, Missy began to d__isplayed her envy through bullying her. Anything to bring Riley Matthews down._

"When it started to become a habit I found ways to hide it from my parents...well, my dad," she stated, "You'd be surprised by how well of an actress I can be."

"So they don't know?"

She shook her head, "I don't want him to. Can you imagine his reaction? He'd freak out. He'd seek professional help, they'd send me to rehab or some in-patient care. And that'll only complicate things for him."

"But wouldn't you - I don't know - consider it? Get help?"

Missy tilted her hair at the suggestion, but then shook her head no. "Not yet."

"Missy, I really think you should. I mean this isn't right. You're not okay, you're not -"

"Let me stop you right there," she said raising a finger, "You don't live my life, okay? You don't know one a single thing about what I've been through, my life isn't as great as yours. I don't wake up to sunshine and rainbows and princesses, I wake up to the wicked witch of the west and little grimlins, okay? All my life I've been insecure and it was characterized by a terrible woman who did not deserve to be a mother. So I binge and I purge to replace what I truly feel. But the more I've done it, the more it's become a normal thing for me. In fact it's gotten worse. I stop for a while and convice myself to never do it again, but then I do...because it makes me feel euphoric and it's...addicting."

"Missy..."

"I don't need your sympathy, okay?"

"But you need help - "

"I'm okay."

She shook her head. Riley couldn't understand why or how she went through such a detrimanding cycle, she couldn't understand why she hid it so well if it was causing her so much pain. Riley never suspecting Missy to be dealing with somehting so tragic, she never bothered to care because of all the bullying, but now she knew there was a reason behind it. "Why?"

"Why what?" she questioned.

"Why don't you want help?"

"Because nobody will like me," she confessed, a pool of tears gathering in her eyes. "Nobody will like me. Not even my own mother."

**October 23, 2017**

_Missy was done binging by the time she found herself in the bathroom. She shoved her fingers down her throat and vomited. Again and again. _

_When she finished, she flushed the contents and walked towards the mirror by the sink. There was something haunting about her reflection,__ her pale face and dark eyebags had been a direct result of her habit and she was sure of it. _

_She hated the way she looked without makeup, she hated the way she had to force herself to throw up to lose weight and she hated every single thing about herself. _

_This time, when she stared at herself, she was surprised to see someone else's reflection standing behind her. And when she turned around, she was shocked to see her mother, standing there, frozen. _

_Missy hadn't realized that she had left the bathroom door slightly ajar, so when her mother heard the retching, she pushed the door open and saw what her daughter had done. _

_"Mom?" her voice fell flat. _

_Christina gulped. She didn't know what to say or do, she just stared at her daughter. She turned to leave the bathroom, hoping to give herself time to recover from what she saw, __but she stopped in her tracks once she had something to say. "Clean it up when you're done. And brush your teeth so your breath doesn't smell." _

_Her mom gave her a final look before closing the door, leaving Missy was stunned for a moment. Soon enough when she had processed what happened, all she could bring herself to do was cry. She felt exposed and vulnerable and she wished it never happened. _

_But she couldn't tell what was worse. The fact that her mother knew, or that she knew and didn't do anything to help her._

"That's terrible, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. My mom's a bitch, all right? She's had all my life to prove that. The only thing I'm sorry for is that her bullimic daughter looks healthier than her," she insulted. "I hate her."

Feeling it was appropriate to do so, Riley scooted closer towards her. She didn't feel as though they could have an intimate conversation if she was sitting five feet away from her.

"Did you know bulimia messes with a woman's menstrual cycle?" she asked and Riley shook her head no, "Yeah, they can develop a whole bunch of shit like Hypothalamic amenorrhea, their teeth can get all messed up from the acid when they throw up, ummm...there's this thing called lanugo and it's bascially your body's way of keeping you warm when you're extremely skinny. Your skin produces soft hair all over your body and it's really gross. When your body runs out of fat to burn it starts going after organ tissue. Even the bones. Pretty gnarly, right?"

"Stop..."

"Stop what?"

"Using the world gnarly, you're trying to make me laugh."

Missy faintly smiled, "Pretty shocking, isn't it? I think that's the nicest thing I've ever done for you...try to make you laugh."

Riley turned to her, "You just give me a list of reasons why bulimia is a bad thing yet you still do it."

"That's the thing about eating disorders... you know what it does to your body you just don't really care. It's almost like an addiction, you know the drugs and alcohol you're putting in your system can kill you, but you don't care because you're...well...addicted. It becomes normal, like you're used to it."

"Do you ever want to get better? Do you want to not do this someday?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. It's sort of what I do. You know...? Some girls play sports, some try out for the cheerleading team, some are good at school, I just throw up when I've ate too much."

"Look, I know we don't really get along...at all, but I care about you. This is serious, okay? And I'm here if you ever want to talk to me about it."

"Well, we're talking now..." Missy continued. Even though she normally couldn't stand the sight of the brunette and she hated her with a burning passion, she appreciated the fact that Riley had expressed in interest in her story. She had been the first. "Shocking, isn't it?"

"Hey, do you want to talk about this at my house? In my room to be specific?"

"Riley Matthews you're asking me to ditch school, you know that, right?"

She snodded, "Yeah, well, I've kind of been on a roll of breaking the rules lately."

Missy looked at her, on any other given day she would've taken the opportunity to bully her, but the brunette had expressed a great deal of concern for her. More than she had ever received in an entire lifetime. "Okay," she nodded, "Sure."

**Yesterday...**

_Missy heaved into the toilet, her middle and index finger pressing passed her uviola while her left gripped the side of the toilet. Once she had regained her breath, she forced her fingers down her throat and vomited again._

_And again._

_She knelt back over the toilet, her fingers deep in her throat. Again and again, it slid down her throat, and again and again she vomited._

_Once she was done, she backed away and stood up, her ankles shaking. She glanced in the mirror, looking for any change, anything that could make her feel better about herself, but nothing did._

_She still looked and felt the same._

_She lifted up her shirt to reveal the pale skin of her stomach. The more and more she looked at it, the more and more she felt like nothing had changed. She hated the way her lower stomach formed a pouch._

_"I hate myself," she whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks._

_She wished for the day that she was skinny, the day she could look at herself in the mirror and love herself. She wanted nothing more than to be skinny and pretty, but no matter how hard she tried, she was unsuccessful everytime._

_"Someday," she promised herself, "Someday."_

"So this is your room, huh?" Missy asked as she observed her surroundings. "Nice vanity."

"Thank you," Riley said as she took a seat on her bay window. When she noticed the brunette hadn't joined her, she patted for her to sit. "You coming?"

"Yeah."

When she sat on her window, she couldn't help but feel like this had been a sacred place to Riley. She wondered if Lucas, Maya, Isadora, or even Farkle had serious conversations with Riley where she was sitting. "So is this your...place?"

She nodded, "Yeah. It kind of is."

"It's nice."

There were a few seconds of silence and all Riley could think about was a recovery plan for Missy. Sure, she didn't have that much knowledge of her battle with bulimia, but she knew there was a way to overcome it. She knew it was possible and she wanted Missy to make sure of it. And by doing that she needed to be open about it; even to the people, she had kept it from the most. "...look I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I really think you should tell your parents. At least your dad, I mean. There are ways to beat this Missy and I know you can if you try - "

"You don't get it."

"Maybe not, but I know that this isn't right. Missy - "

"Do you know what the first compliment my mom ever gave was when I started losing weight?" she asked, turning to her. "She said I looked good enough to try out for all the beauty pageants again. Yeah, that's all I've ever been to her. She lives her failed dreams of being a performer through me and when I started gaining all the weight, she got angry because she couldn't flaunt her mini-me. She was embarrassed that her twelve-year-old daughter started looking heavy. I know, right? How fucking disappointing of her," she sat crisscrossed on her window now and folded her arms, "She knew my dad would never approve of my eating habits if he found out so she'd send him off to work early and when he was gone she'd take my plate away so I wouldn't finish it. She'd do that with every meal so I would try to finish it before she got the chance, but I never could. She'd intentionally add too much salt to my food so it wouldn't taste as good. She would judge me, humiliate me, bully me, and neglect me. There were days she didn't even make me anything to eat so I'd break into the pantry - which she kept locked by the way - and I'd eat so much that I could fall asleep. And then I'd look at myself, and I'd stare at my stomach and I would feel so bad about what I've done that I'd throw up. I'd throw up for hours. Maybe ten to fifteen times a night? I wouldn't go to sleep until I was completely exhausted. I wouldn't sleep until my eyes felt heavy from all the retching."

"And your dad never noticed?"

"Nope," she said popping the 'p.' "He can't stand my mom anymore because all they do is argue so he goes and cheats on her with Mrs. Duncan - his secretary. He says he's working late, but I don't buy it. He still thinks I haven't noticed, but I read their text messages once - it was disgusting. And you would think that you'd hate your dad after cheating on your mother, but in this case, I was happy. I was happy he was finding happiness in someone else other than her. Unfortunately, he won't divorce her because he thinks it'd break my heart, but I don't want to tell him that it wouldn't because that would mean telling him I'm bulimic. And I don't know if I'm ready to do that."

"Put yourself in his shoes, don't you think he'd want to know what you're going through?"

"He would," she confirmed. "Of course we would. But he doesn't know and I have no interest in telling him."

"I know recovery isn't an easy process, but with the right kind of support, I'm sure you can do it. You can go back to being someone who is much more than their disorder, you can - "

"Like I said before, you don't understand. You think everything works out in the end. You think this entire process is gonna have its happy ending and I'm gonna be happy and healthy again and marry this handsome prince who'll love me for me, but that's not true, Riley. This is reality, this is a world where teenage girls suffer from eating disorders and cry themselves to sleep. You've had a perfect life ever since you've been born, you don't realize that other people aren't born into a perfect family with perfect parents in a perfect house. If I tell my dad about this he'll send me away, he'll ruin my mom's life, possibly get her arrested, he'll never see me the same and one of the Chanel's would tell the entire school about it. I'll be the laughing stock and everything I've done would be for nothing."

"But you'd be healthy...and safe...and alive," Riley informed. "And who says any of that would happen? So much could change for the better if you tell your dad, you just don't know it yet."

"Maybe I don't," she revealed, "But I know damn well, it's not worth a try."

Riley sat back on her window and stared at her. She wanted to talk her into doing what was right, but it was at that moment that something clicked. The only way she could truly work her way into getting her to do what was right was by becoming her friend. A good friend, a friend she trusted. Only then could it work out. "Okay, okay, your secret's safe with me. But this means we're friends now - "

"What are you talking about - ?"

"I'm talking about how I know your biggest secrets and to make sure you don't do anything out of hand we're gonna hang out all day and every day."

"And what makes you think I suddenly like you?"

"You're just gonna have to deal with it," she deadpanned. Even though were words sounded harsh and firm she said them with the right intentions, she wanted what was best for Missy. "Because I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm actually gonna barf..."

"At least you're not forcing yourself," she suggested.

Missy immediately turned in her direction. She couldn't believe Riley had said such a thing and it caught her off guard.

Taking notice, she raised her arms in surrender, "Missy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that - "

The longer she gazed at her the harder she laughed when she tension settled, and she actually laughed. It wasn't a chuckle or a smirk it was an actual sincere laugh. "No, I'm not mad, it's not that it's just...it was funny. I'm sorry."

"See...we'd be great friends, friends make each other laugh all the time, and this time I wasn't even trying to make you laugh."

After a few seconds, her lips had thinned and the room got quiet. "Look I appreciate the offer, but I kind of hate you. No offense."

"None taken, you've proven that to me all your life."

"Yeah, but do you know why I hate you?"

Riley thought back to Halloween night, the night of one of Lucas' friend's party, and how she spoke with Victoria. Victoria had revealed the entire truth to her and told her that Missy's hatred towards her was characterized by her jealousy and insecurity, had Victoria not made out with Lucas that night, she would've been grateful for that conversation. "I do, at least some of it."

"Was it that bitch Victoria?"

Riley nodded. "Yeah, it was."

"Ugh," she sighed.

"I know, right?" she agreed, "She's so fucking annoying."

"Try being friends with her for three years, she's such a hoe. Fucking leech. But," she breathed, "But if I'm being honest with you, it goes all the way back to eighth grade. We were both performing for some stupid talent show and you performed the same song as me and won...and I guess I never got over it because you beat me at everything afterward. Since then I started to realize you were better than me...at everything. Did you know my mom starved me that night? She was so upset I lost and that I changed the routine and she gave me so much shit for it that's why I hated you."

"Missy, I didn't mean anything by it I had no idea I'm sorry."

She smiled, "You know it's funny...I always wanted to hear you say that, but now that you have... I realized that you don't need to feel sorry. It's not your fault it never was. It's hers. It's always been her fault."

"She's your mom, she'll come around."

Missy scoffed, "Yeah, let's fucking hope."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Ask me what?" Riley inquired.

"Why didn't you break up with him when I sent you the audio recording?"

Riley didn't expect Missy's question to send her on a trip down memory lane. She was starting to feel like she had made the first gesture towards staring a friendship, but it had been Missy all along - even if a friendship wasn't her intention. She told her something incredibly important in her relationship with Lucas and she hadn't given it a second thought in a while. "Can I be honest with you? I didn't want to believe it at the time and I was so in love with him I just wanted to forget about it. And I thought you wanted me to break up with him so you can be with him."

"That's crazy," she commented. "I didn't want him."

"But you liked him."

"I did," she confirmed, "I'm not gonna lie to you, I did have a crush on him. Ever since I was little, but that kind of changed when I realized what he's done."

"What has he done?" she asked. This was the third time somebody brought up his actions without telling her what he did exactly.

"You didn't know?"

She shook her head, "Know what?"

Missy licked her lips, "He's done a lot of sketchy things in the past that you probably don't know of. One that really stands out to me happened freshman year. It was that time when football coaches elected their captains and Lucas had wanted the position since he started. He was convinced he was gonna get it since he'd been chosen to play for the varsity team his freshman year, that's big. You don't really see a lot of freshmen playing with upperclassmen and since Lucas was the only one he felt he was gonna get the position. He didn't end up getting it. The coaches decided Michael Duncan was a better fit, Lucas was a close second. It makes sense though, Lucas was a freshman at the time and Michael was a senior, there's a reason Lucas didn't get the position. But he hated losing so much that one day during a scrimmage, Lucas accidentally broke Michael's leg. They were practicing, he misunderstood the play and tackled him at the wrong time. As a result, he was moved up to captain and somebody else became co-captain and you would think everything is okay, but then you find out that Lucas broke Michael's leg on purpose and claimed it was an accident. Word got out among their group of friends and nobody did anything about it because they know how Lucas is like. And I'm not talking about his stubbornness or his desire to be the best, but his anger. You mess with him or you do something to piss him off once and he hates you for the rest of his life. And when Lucas is mad, well, he doesn't think rationally."

"You're right, he doesn't."

Riley's comment sparked a sudden interest, "You know?"

"Of course I know. I've been his girlfriend for over a year."

"Well, what do you know?" she queried.

"We're not doing too great right now," she disclosed. She couldn't believe she was telling Missy Bradford something personal about her relationship, "Lucas was jealous of my friendship with Zay, in fact, he was so jealous that he told Zay to stay away from me. He told him this a few months ago and Zay didn't listen to him. We actually became really close friends, but... up until recently he stopped talking to me."

"Who? Zay?"

Riley nodded, "Zay and I used to hang out at night and talk all the time. It was our thing," she reminisced, "One day he picked me up and his face were all bruised, I asked him about it and he told me it was a dirt bike accident so I didn't question it. Later on, we ended up getting in an argument and the police showed up. The officer wasn't so nice on Zay because he had painted him to be this target and if I'm entirely honest I think he was a racist asshole who doesn't deserve to have a badge. The point is, he arrested Zay and my mom had to bail him out. This all ties back to Lucas because he was the reason Zay had all those bruises on his face. He punched him because he found out Zay and I had been friends this whole time. When I found out I told him to leave and I haven't really been talking to him since."

"And nobody knows about this?"

"Nope, not a single person," she confirmed. "Except for Lucas and Zay."

"Wow, that's crazy. You know people think you guys are a perfect couple... well some of us," she reiterated, "People know you guys argue a lot."

Riley didn't know people knew about their relationship in that way, she thought they did a good job at hiding it but she was wrong. People must've heard their arguments and seen her walk away from him many times. "And let me guess they think I'm the reason?"

"Only the dumb ones." She went to stand up and look at Riley, "Look I should get going, but thank you for the...umm..._talk_. I know I've been a bitch to you for a long time and you could've made fun of me for this, but you didn't. You listened and you cared so...thank you. Friend."

Riley smiled from ear to ear, "Friend? I like that. Thank you."

"Don't get used to it."

**_ooo_**

Riley stepped out of the shower a few hours later in her pajamas and laid on her bed. She was still processing her conversation with Missy and what she had learned about her. It saddened her to know what she was truly going through, but she was glad they were now friends. It made her feel happy and hopeful that she could help her with her condition.

Thinking about everything, the moment she had dreaded began. It was time she turned on her phone.

On days when she and Lucas argued, the first thing Riley did was turn off her phone. Lucas had a habit of texting and calling her excessively wanting to know where she was and who she was with. He didn't know when to stop and it always annoyed her.

So when she turned on her phone, she expected the 50+ text messages. She considered responding to him, letting her know she was home and all, but she stopped herself.

She felt she like she could extend his silent treatment for a while longer.

As she set her phone down on the nightstand and eased herself into the covers, she heard a light knock on her door. Her mom, Topanga, peaked her head through and greeted her with a smile. "Hi, sweetie."

"Hi, mom."

"Getting ready to sleep?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired."

She nodded and stepped inside her room. "You know your dad's still upset you ditched school today."

She sat upright on her bed and leaned against her pillow. She hadn't told them why she did it and she had no intention in doing so. "I know, he hasn't talked to me today."

"Why'd you do it? Ditch?"

_I was helping a friend who suffers from bulimia_, she thought. "I...didn't really feel like going."

"Can I ask why?" she spoke nicely and calmy.

Topanga's understanding of her daughter was unlike anything. She knew her daughter better than she knew the law which said a lot since she was one of the greatest lawyers at her firm. If she was acting this irrational and carefree there must've been a reason.

She shrugged, "It doesn't matter mom you're already disappointed in me."

"What? No. Of course not," she reached for Riley's hand, "You can never disappoint me, sweetie. You've been a perfect kid all your life it's okay to make these mistakes. Tell you what?" she sat closer to her daughter, "When you were three years old, you loved to draw. Your dad and I bought you crayons and markers for you to draw anything you wanted and you loved it. And when I say you loved it, I mean you were using them twenty-four hours of the day. One day, when I was painting Auggie's nursery, you decided to steal one of my brushes and paint your room. You loved the color yellow so you painted all of your pink sheets to yellow, the walls were painted yellow, and so was the carpet. When I noticed you hadn't made any noise for a while I went to go check up on you, you wouldn't imagine the look on my face. Everything was so messy and yellow it looked awful..."

Riley laughed.

"'Riley, what did you do?' I asked and all you did was shrug with the paintbrush in your hand. You told me you didn't do it, but it was obvious you did. I mean the brush was in your hand, your clothes were painted yellow and it was just the two of us at home. The moral of the story is...you're allowed to make mistakes. It's okay. You're learning. You're growing, but telling us about them and telling us what's going on in your life is just as important as well, you know that, right?"

She nodded, hesitantly. So much was going on with her life right now, her life was crazy and messy and it had been ever since she started dating Lucas.

"You would tell us, right?"

A temptation unlike anything began to take a hold of her. Now at this very moment that her mother was talking to her, she felt the need to confess everything about her relationship. She wanted to tell her all of it and be comforted by her mother - something she hadn't felt in the longest time. "I would."

Topanga waited for a few seconds, wondering if her daughter would reveal something she didn't know. "So...is there anything you want to tell us? Me?"

_Yes, _she thought. "No."

"I just assumed..." she spoke, but her voice fell flat. "And you're okay...?"

"I'm fine." By this point in time, she'd been saying the words for so long that they didn't even sound like words anymore. She'd repeated it like a mantra, all day, every day for the past month and a half. She couldn't even remember a time where she felt genuinely happy, she had created this habit to keep her sanity and armor intact. No one around her could know what she was going through, they'd be quick to try and solve and fix everything and that would only make things difficult and humiliating. She just wished for the meantime saying those words would affect her, she could use them to convince the world, she couldn't use them to convince herself. "What's with all the questions?"

"Riley, is anything going on with you and Lucas that we don't know about? Something that would...I don't know...make you do all these things."

She shook her head almost immediately. There was something about Topanga asking the right question that suddenly made Riley want to deny everything. She realized at that moment that she wanted the troubles of her relationship with Lucas to be a secret - for at least a while longer. "No, mom. Lucas, and I doing fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. I wouldn't lie to you."

Topanga sighed, "Then why did Katy tell me that Lucas came into the cafe today asking about you? She says that he was upset and impatient and that he slammed the door on his way out."

Riley shrugged, trying to deny everything, but her mom didn't believe it. She was a lawyer, she knew when people were lying and their stories weren't adding up.

"Uh...I don't know. Maybe she got confused and it was someone else?"

"Someone else? Asking about you?"

"There could be thousands of Riley's in New York, I'm not the only one."

"Katy said that the boy looked like the guy you were with at Maya's art show," she added. "That's Lucas."

She noticed her daughter was looking for ways to make her think otherwise and it only proved to her that something was wrong. Something was going on between them and whatever it was had to explain Riley's recent behavior. She knew it. "Why was Lucas mad?"

"Mom, I don't know. That wasn't Lucas - "

"Riley..."

"She could've made a mistake..."

"Riley," she took her daughter's arm and stared into her cocoa-brown eyes. "Why was he mad?"

The concern in her mother's features broke through all the brick walls she had spent months trying to build. Her mother's soft voice and curiosity broke right through her and her eyes began to water, she couldn't resist the need to tell her everything.

"It's okay," she comforted once Riley began to cry. She brought her closer and let her cry on her shoulder. When she was done she asked once again and this time she learned more about Lucas than she thought she ever could.

She learned about the cheating, the lying, the manipulation, his anger, his controlling nature and so much more. By the time Riley had finished confessing everything, an hour had gone by and Topanga was furious. She couldn't believe her daughter had gone through all of this and kept it a secret for so long. "So the bruises on Zay's face that was all..."

"Lucas," she answered. "That's why I'm not talking to him right now."

She removed the hand on her mouth, "I saw those bruises, they were terrible."

"I know," she cried. "And I've tried talking to Zay, but he wants nothing to do with me. He's angry and I can't blame him. He's right, none of this would've happened if I just stayed away from Lucas."

"No, honey, none of this is your fault," she said. She was speaking in the kind of voice a mother used to comfort their child, "Don't blame yourself."

"You can't tell anybody." Now that the truth was out and somebody knew, she felt like it could be taken away from her at any moment. "Please, not dad. Not yet."

"Riley, he needs to know. This is unbelievable I can't even process everything you just said."

"Please, mom," when she noticed Topanga had stood up to leave her room, she pulled her hand and stopped her. "Mom, please. Please, I'm begging you."

"Riley just look at yourself. You look terrified. This isn't healthy, you should not be this scared of telling me what he's really like - "

"I'm not scared, I'm worried he'll never talk to me again. If he finds out that people know about us...it'll be over. I love him, okay? Mom, I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me. He's just... he doesn't have the perfect relationship with his parents and that carried onto his relationship with me...okay? He loves me I know he does, he just does things like this sometimes, but he's not a bad person."

"Everything you told me he did makes him a bad person - "

"Not it doesn't and you can't say that because you don't know him. Not in the way I do. Mom, he's been my boyfriend for over a year... I know what he's really like. Please don't tell dad, please."

She looked at her daughter. Riley was practically begging her to keep her secret and it broke her heart into millions of pieces, she's never seen her like this. Ever. "Okay. She kneeled beside her, caressing her cheek wanting to make her feel loved and comforted. "I won't tell Cory...not yet."

"Thank you."

"On one condition..."

"What condition?" Riley was alarmed. She couldn't believe her mom was giving her an ultimatum at this moment in time. She needed to be told she was safe and that her secret was saved, instead, she got a decision she needed to make that could determine whether or not her relationship with Lucas would survive or not.

"You break up with him."

"No," she cried, "Mom, you can't do that. Please."

"I love you, Riley. And I know that this is not healthy, this...is toxic. That's what that is, it is: toxic, and it's never going to stop unless you end it. If this has been your life for over a year it's gonna be your life from now on if he's in it. Honey, you're a strong woman, you've never needed anybody to fight your battles, why would you ever let somebody treat you like this?"

She couldn't answer the question.

She's never thought about herself when she was dating Lucas, there was always something going on between them that she never had the moment to sit back and wonder if this what was she wanted. She only focused on her sadness and her anger, but never on her needs and future. "I don't know."

Topanga took a deep breath, "This back and forth behavior you have going on with Lucas will never end unless _you_ end it. You need to know that, honey. I love you too much to let anybody hurt you this way. I wish I could tell you to work this out with him, but that clearly won't work if it's failed every time. You've gone through so much pain, so much hurt, shed so many tears...don't let that be the rest of your life, hun. Please make the right decision."

She left her room before Riley could say anything. She must've stared at the door for a few minutes before she walked back towards her bed. She felt exposed now that her mother knew and all she could do was cry. It felt like the part of herself that had been trying to keep it a secret was revealed and had faded away, leaving her heartbroken and exhausted.

She was sad she wouldn't be able to lie her way out of that one.

She thought about Lucas and their arguments.

They dated for over a year and the one thing she could truly remember was their fights. It was all they did. And she didn't know if she could go a lifetime arguing with him.

_**ooo**_

The next day a somber Riley contemplated her relationship with Lucas. The aftermath of her conversation with Topanga had carried over onto the next day and she hadn't been able to let those thoughts go.

She hadn't talked to Lucas and it broke her heart because she was contemplating a decision that could jeopardize everything she's ever loved: her relationship with him.

Her gaze went to her reflection on the mirror and she thought. _Did she really want this? Could she really go through with it? _Her relationship with Lucas was messy and disastrous, but it wasn't always like this: destructive.

They were once happy. She used to love him deeply, he knew it. They all knew it.

As she sat in her room, reflecting on all the things that happened, she tried to remember the exact moment everything fell apart. She searched through the labyrinth of memories in her brain but hit a dead end. She couldn't pinpoint the moment it all went wrong.

Had she really been blind to it this entire time?

As she stood from the corner of her bed, eyes swollen from all the tears she had shed, seventeen-year-old Rilley Matthews felt alone. The light from her vanity was the only source of light she allowed in her room. The curtains she had once dragged apart had been pulled together, allowing the room to be the darkest possible. Just like her mind, just like her heart.

The mirror did not reflect an image of herself. The girl with the swollen brown eyes was not her. The girl with the messy brown hair, stern expression, flat lips, and broken spirit was not her.

It couldn't be.

"I'm too young to feel this hurt," she whispered. It had been the first thing she said aloud that day. The lump in her throat did not allow her to speak like it hadn't done so when she had the energy to tell someone about her pain.

She pulled her cardigan down to her elbows and stared at the picture of herself beside the rest of her makeup set. She envied that girl, she envied her life, her happiness, her naivety. The picture beside her only brought her to tears.

It was a picture of him.

He was smiling at the camera while she planted a kiss on his cheek. The exact day it was taken felt like a lifetime ago. When the old version of herself existed when she was in her element.

"You deserve so much better," she said to herself.

Again the reflection in her mirror was a reflection of a stranger. Like the heartbreak she felt didn't allow her to recognize herself.

"And the worst part about this is... we've been here before," she cried. "We've been here so many times before. Why do we let him? Why do we keep letting him every single time?"

She ran both her hands through her hair, "When he would... when he would get drunk and angry at parties, he'd tell us we were the reason our relationship was the way it is now. He blamed us for every thing that went wrong and we sat through it knowing we didn't have to. We apologized when we shouldn't have and we were there for him even when he wasn't there for us."

"Riley, we have every right to hate him," she revealed. "We have every right to move on and to be happy, but..." she wiped the pool of tears from her eyes and sniffled. "It's so hard. It's so hard."

"Why can't we leave him whenever he gets mad? Why can't we leave him whenever he breaks things? Or when he makes us feel insecure? Why can't we leave whenever he leaves us?"

These were questions Riley felt she'd been asking herself for a lifetime now. And just like then, she learned to swallow them down and ignore them. She looked at the polaroids tucked to the edges of her mirror, there were so many of Lucas. So many. She had almost forgotten that they once used to be happy.

"I really have given you so much," she confessed to herself. "And even though I have every reason to be mad at him, I'm not. I'm just tired, tired of him, of it, of everything."

She looked at herself in the mirror, and still, the stranger stared back at her. "My name is Riley Matthews and for the past year and a half, I have lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost friends, I've lost everything I ever cared about and it's been really hard for me lately. Why...?" she paused and looked up at herself. "I fell in love with a boy. He was great and he made me feel good about myself, but then he didn't. And we fell apart. I'm still figuring it out, it's very complicated and I don't think you'll understand, or maybe you will, but it's been rough."

"All this time I've been trying to fix things, I've ignored the insults, I've walked through fire, I've helped him through everything, and it's because I know him, and I know that I know his heart. I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me..."

"Why else would he tell me he loves me?" she asked her reflection. "Because I put him first."

She hung her head and sighed. The burden she was under was too compelling, she wanted to go back to sleep. She wanted to drown in the pool of her heartbreak, in the tears she shedded the past year, and stay there. Where the sun doesn't shine, where she doesn't need to fake a smile and fix her hair.

A part of her wanted to yell at herself. To tell herself that she needed to snap out of it, she needed not to think about him, and to move on. It was something everybody in her position did and even though her brain yelled at her to do so, her heart was not in it. Her heart was simply not ready to move on.

"Why can't I let him go?" she asked herself, frustratedly. "I've done everything for him! I hate him, remember? He's hurt me."

She gave him months, a year, an opportunity to change his ways, to fix things in their broken relationship, but he hasn't. He refused to. Just when they're at their highest high in their relationship, and he's nice, romantic and protective, she's reminded of how great they can be. But then they come down from the clouds, and he's digging their grave for a tombstone that reads:

_Here Lies Riley's and Lucas' Relationship_

Her eyes met the mirror once more and it reflected an image of a stranger, but somehow, this time there was a little more clarity. "Huh," she said with realization. "I think I just answered my own question..."

All this time she'd been trying to find the answer. The answer to the same damn question she's struggled to acknowledge, but she has now. She knew why.

"And as heartbreaking as it sounds, and as many times as we try to deny it, we can't because it's true," she sniffled. "We don't leave him because we don't love ourselves first..."

"I don't love myself first."

She felt defeated and numb and empty. Through the mirror she was able to see that the clock beside her bed read 3:19 am. And there was school the next day. All the thinking she had done had overwhelmed her. She walked back to her bed and slid herself inside the covers where she felt protected. Safe.

Her phone beside her chimed and she reached for it.

The message read:

**Lucas: i miss you**

Sent two minutes ago.

Riley felt her eyes water and her heart awaken. It had pieced itself back together, beating once again. For him.

**i miss you too, she had replied.**

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Please, please, please, seek help if you are struggling with an eating disorder. It is important to be informed about things like this, please spread the word, please be open to change, you can save a life. **

**I also wanted to talk about my decision in writing Missy this way. Missy is twisted and complicated, she understands what she's doing, she knows how dangerous bulimia is, yet she refuses the help. I wrote her this way because oftentimes, people with bulimia think like this. I don't know if comparing it to drug addiction is controversial, but essentially it's just like it. You become addicted to purging that it becomes a habit and a desire. They want help, often seek help, but some women do relapse and continue to binge and purge again. This is something Missy has wrapped her head around. She tells herself she'll get help, but she's not ready to do that now. That's where I wanted her to be. That was completely intentional and _my_ decision entirely. I know a lot of you won't agree, but I wanted it that way. **

**Now that Topanga knows everything and Riley feels vulnerable and exposed, what do you think she'll do now? Will she go back to Lucas? Let me know in the reviews. **

**UPDATE: I've decided to split the last chapter into two parts. The chapter is EXTREMELY long. If I post it all, it'll be twenty thousand words long and I don't want that. So the next chapter won't be the last, it'll be the one after that. Sorry. **

**Also, make these upcoming reviews important. Your opportunity for me to respond to your reviews is coming to an end so ask me something you want to know. I'll answer it. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review**


	24. 23: i needed to lose you to love me

**A/N: OMG! This is PART 1 of the FINALE of Lose You to Love Me. I can't wait to read your response for this chapter. I actually like the outcome of this one and I hope that you guys do too. Thanks again to everyone who read my story and took the time to review it, it meant a lot to me and I don't think I could've pushed it this far without your opinions and insights into the series. It always gave me something to look forward to and I just hope this story taught you something about toxic relationships and about discovering yourself. Make your final reviews count so I can respond to them one last time. I always answer questions. Thank you. **

**Katy Kear: Yes! That chapter explained why Missy is the way she is and why she always gave Riley a hard time. I answered that a while ago, but there was more to it and you guys finally got to see what that was. And period sis! We should never push our beliefs on anybody. We should respect their choices for their own being and focus on our own - even though some people can be morally wrong. And Riley opening up to her mom was something she needed to do. It set up the events for this chapter. **

**Guest: I actually wasn't planning an epilogue for the series, that's why the opening for LYTLM was called Prologue-ish. It was called like that because it wasn't really a prologue, that scene was forshadowing Riley's emotional state - which came full circle in the previous chapter. I added it as an introduction because I wanted you guys to see what events led to Riley feeling that way. I might change the name of it, if I'm honest. **

**Guest: OMG! I was waiting for someone to say this. Here's a little assigment for you guys, I already answered whether or not Riley and Zay have a chance of being together or not in the future. It's sprinkled throught chapter nineteen Fights & Revelations. You guys are gonna have to look for it, but there's something that's linking them - I'll let you guys figure that one out. Also some of it is shown in this chapter. ;). **

**Hey: One hundred percent true! Riley needs to focus on herself. I love that my readers know a lot about astrology. QUEEENS! Y'all really out here making me proud. And, got i!. Riley is a Scorpio Venus in this fic and Lucas is a Scorpio Mars. Interesting. **

**Guest: Thank you, I'll be looking into them. **

**Guest: So interesting. Can't wait to see what they say. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 23**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**i needed to lose you to love me **_

_**ooo**_

Riley nervously waited for Lucas at Topanga's. She had stolen her mother's key and waited till Katy closed the cafe before she could sneak in and have the place to herself. She had spent the entire day contemplating a decision that could change the rest of her life and now that she was finally going through with it, the nerves kept running up and down her body.

She thought back on her decision various times and tried to talk herself out of it, but every time she did, she felt like she was making a mistake. It didn't matter how wrong it felt to her, she knew she was doing the right thing.

Lucas was the love of her life, she loved him deeply and would do anything for him, but as Topanga had described him: he was toxic. And their relationship was catastrophic. She didn't know if she could survive another year or their vicious cycle.

As she sat on the couch waiting for him, she thought back on all of his mistakes. She thought back on his jealousy, his bitterness, his controlling nature, and every argument they've had since they started dating.

There were too many to count, too many scenarios to think back on, and too much pain to feel. She just hoped all of that pain could numb her for the rest of her life; till she no longer felt it.

She knew facing him after everything they've been through would be difficult. She hadn't talked to him and she knew her absence drove him crazy, but there was another reason she was hesitant about seeing him. It was an overwhelming feeling of sorrow. The sense that despite everything Lucas had said and done, she had somehow hurt his feelings.

Although Lucas had made things in her life dreadful and exhausting, Riley knew how much she meant to him. She knew what purpose she had in his life and he had told her many, many times he loved her. She just couldn't help, but fixate on how broken he must've been in the past few days.

It was heartbreaking anguish, and it tore at her every time she thought of him.

Just then the door to the cafe opened and a certain blonde with emerald eyes peeked his head through, the second their eyes met he released a broad smile and stepped inside. He rushed to her, excited to see her as if it had been the first time in a long time. Just then, he cupped her cheek and kissed her. "I'm glad you finally came around."

Riley didn't expect the kiss the first time, neither did she expect it the second time, but by the third peck, she had pulled away.

"Look," he began, "I know I screwed up badly and that even though you've forgiven me it's gonna take a lot for me to regain your trust. I just want you to know that starting now, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'll do anything you want. Anything," he stretched out his arms to show the length of his commitment to do anything by her. "Literally."

"Lucas..." she spoke halfheartedly.

Even though Lucas noticed something was wrong, he was too excited to let her speak. His mind was wrapped around the simple fact that they were back together and the emotions ran through him at an all-time high. "These past few days I was convinced you wanted to break up with me. What I did was unforgivable I know and I regret it, I do. I wouldn't blame you for being angry, but you need to know I was scared. Terrified. I love you and nothing scares me more than losing you," his hands trailed down her shoulders, passed her elbows, and to her hands, "I'm just really glad you took me back."

"Actually," she pulled away, staring back at his eyes. It was funny, she knew every shade of green his eyes had ever been and he knew every fleck of gold in hers, yet the current color in his eyes was completely unrecognizable to her. "Lucas, you should sit down."

He furrowed his brows, "Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I wasn't expecting us to do much talking. I got my dad to rent us a suite at the Moxy Hotel, we can head there now...catch up?"

She took a deep breath. He was too happy to see her and it pained her that she was about to put an end to it. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"There is," she confirmed.

"Wh-what is it?" he stammered, unnerved by her hesitation.

"Umm," at the thought of continuing, the tear ducts in her eyes took full effect. "Oh my God, I don't know how to tell you this."

"Tell me what?" noticing the tears streaming down her cheeks, he wiped them away and stared at her cautiously, "Riley, what's going on? Are you okay?"

The brunette reached for him, taking his hand as he kissed her palm. Everything she had ever gone through, every threat, every outburst of anger she'd ever felt for him came down to this moment and she couldn't bring herself to follow through with it. She found herself sitting there beside him in silence wanting to back down, but she couldn't. She had to talk herself into doing the right thing, even if it meant dragging herself through the pits of hell. "I think we should break up."

He shook his head a little, trying to comprehend what she said, "...what?"

Saying the words alone had shaken her reality into something she'd never felt before. The words themselves didn't feel right attached to his name, but she reminded herself that it was being done for a greater good.

"You're joking, right? That-that's not funny." When she didn't smile, Lucas understood she was being serious. "Riley, no. What are you doing? We just got back together - "

"I didn't ask you to meet me here because I forgave you, I called you back to end - "

He stood up from his seat and ran both his hands through his hair, "That's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. Tell me you're joking, th-this is a prank, you're messing with me, right? Babe, please tell me you're messing with me."

When there was no response, he chuckled. He chuckled in the way people do when they're trying not to cry. "You can't just do that... you can't just end things like this without giving me a heads up. If I knew you were feeling this way, I would've done something, I would've changed the way things were a lot sooner.."

She couldn't look at him. Even though he was promising the things she wanted to hear, a part of her knew they were broken beyond repair. "This isn't something you can fix."

"I can try," he suggested. "Riley, Riley, Riley, what do you want me to do? I'll fix whatever it is that's making you feel this way, just tell me and I'll fix it."

"You can't. I'm sorry."

He must've stared at her for a few seconds. He couldn't say anything, he felt like he was losing his grip on something far too precious and fragile in his life. After a few more seconds, when reality started to set in and he was beginning to realize what was at stake, he felt the inner turmoil rise. He spoke, his voice broken and deep, "C'mon, you don't gotta do this. You don't have to. Just give me another chance, just one more, please. Give _us_ another chance."

A wave of doubt came over her, whispering thoughts and hopes into her heart, attempting to tell her they could work out. She was reminded of their dance together at Homecoming, their first conversation, their first date, and their first kiss, she thought back on the day they danced in the rain and made brownies together and he told her he loved her for the first time. They were very special moments that she loved dearly and wasn't sure she could let go.

However, as she looked at him she was able to acknowledge that she had already given him dozens of chances. Every argument she'd forgiven, every mistake he'd made that she purposefully overlooked was a chance, an opportunity to do better and he had failed to do so every time.

They were two different people who judged each other worse than any bully or critic. Nobody had hurt her as much as she hurt him and nobody had hurt him as much as he hurt her. Which added to the neverending list as to why they weren't good for each other.

"I already have. A hundred times. Ever since you found out about my past with Hayden you've been so jealous. It's like I'm not allowed to hang out with guys that aren't you. We argue like all the time and yes I love you, I do, with all my heart, this has been our relationship for an entire year. We fight, we kiss, and we make up without sorting anything out."

"But we always forget about it - "

"Do we?" she questioned, "'Cause I haven't. I haven't gotten over you telling my dad I got high even though you do it all the time. You did it to get me in trouble because you were mad at me for dropping your grade - "

" - that I don't care about anymore - "

"...and then you found out about Zay and how we were still friends so you beat him up for it. Because you were angry about everything I did to you before."

Even though she was right, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction. "That doesn't matter. That's the reason we work so well in the first place because no matter what we always get back together. Our love is stronger than anything."

"At the expense of our happiness..." she concluded as though it's a fact, not a question, or accusation, or theory. "What if we only work out when we're hurting each other's feelings?"

"That's not true. I'm happiest when I'm with you."

"Then why did you kiss Victoria, huh? Why did you hook up with Zuri?"

"We never hooked up," he clarified, but she didn't believe him. Zay had told her everything and Lucas denied it, but at the end of the day Zay had no reason to lie, he confessed the truth while Lucas did his best to drive her away from it. "And I was being an idiot. It meant nothing to me."

"And the other girls? Did you sleep with them because I wouldn't sleep with you?"

He looked away, unable to stare at her in the eyes.

She took this as a yes and remained silent as she willed an understanding smile.

"I regret it, you know that..."

"Like you regret hitting Zay or all the terrible things you've done?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "All of it. Look I'm not perfect you know that more than anyone, you know how my family is like. You've met them before. And I hate to admit it, but I got it from them. You know me, Riley. You know the kind of person I am and this is not me, this is what I can do, but..." he lost his train of thought. "And you keep pointing out what I've done, what about you? You haven't apologized for it."

"I _am_ sorry for what I did to you, Lucas. All of it. It turned me into somebody I did not like and I regret it. That's why we can't be together," saying this lost his attention, he turned to look elsewhere. "I lost so much of myself dating you that I tried to hurt you. I wanted you to be sorry, what does that say about us?"

"That we love each other... a lot."

"A lot to hurt you?"

"Yes."

"That's twisted..."

"We're twisted," he confirmed. "That's kind of our thing."

"I don't like twisted. I don't like hurting you one day then kissing you the next. I'm tired of it, I have been for a while now and I know you are too. I'm not going to keep doing this if all it's good for is breaking my heart," her brown eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, all her anger and fear had melted into her last words, "I can't keep doing this anymore."

"Then let's work something out. Instead of breaking up let's take today to fix our relationship, to fix us?"

She had to be honest his suggestion sounded promising, but she needed to continuously remind herself why she was doing this. If she didn't she would succumb and return to their already established cycle.

"From now on we're not arguing. It's not an option, we're working through our differences and we're gonna be completely honest with each other. Okay?"

She stayed silent.

"Look, let me convince you you're making the wrong choice," he offered.

"How? I already made up my mind there's nothing you can do."

"Let me kiss you," he said. When the words left his lips, she felt a tingling sensation in hers and she was compelled to let him.

The second she nodded, he caressed her cheeks and stared at her longingly, trying to prove that their love for each other still existed and was just as strong. He brought himself closer to her, placing the tip of his nose along with hers and whispering multiple I love you's.

Lucas knew this could potentially be their last kiss, he knew it was singlehandedly one of the most important opportunities in his life and he didn't want to mess it up. He held her face with shaking hands and leaned forward, planting an intimate kiss on her lips.

He kissed her with the intention of reminding her how much he loved her. He wanted her to remember everything, all the good, all the love and hope, the passion, the promises, everything.

"Please," he begged, "Please, tell me you feel something. Tell me that you won't go through with it and that you love me. Please."

Although she wanted nothing more than to hug him, she knew the sensation of it would be different. He couldn't offer the same warmth and she would no longer be able to put him at ease.

She stared into his eyes, "Of course I love you," she confessed, "But we're not good for each other. Lucas, we'll never be good for each other."

He made a puzzled expression, unable to believe their kiss hadn't changed her mind. "That's bullshit - "

"It's not. It's the truth and you know it - "

He persisted, "Then why did we fall in love with each other? Why are you crying right now? Why do you still love me? Why do I still love you if we're no good for each other? It doesn't make sense."

She stayed quiet. His questions were valid and they made perfect sense, but sometimes doing the right thing feels wrong. She wasn't sure she'd understand that. "Can I ask you something? And can you answer it honestly?"

He furrowed his brows.

"Were you happy dating me? Were you genuinely happy?"

"Of course I was. Why would ...?" His words trailed off.

She stared at him knowingly, no matter how often he tried to lie to her she always knew the truth. "See. You weren't."

"Well of course I wasn't," he revealed, throwing his arms in frustration. "We were arguing all the time, you were threatening to break up with me, I didn't trust you, I was scared I was gonna lose you like I'm scared of losing you right now. How could I be happy? How am I gonna be happy now? If we're no good for each other why does breaking up hurt so much?"

"Sometimes the wrong people fall in love - "

"No," he cut her off, "Don't give me that. It's bullshit. I don't want to hear it."

"Lucas…"

"Riley," he spoke, but his voice broke. As the tears began to gather in his eyes and he could no longer hold them back, he turned to look away from her. Her gaze would only make him feel worse. "You can't be serious… one year," he stated, holding up a finger. "We've been dating for over a year and you just want to end it? No warning."

"All we've done is hurt each other," she informed, "Just admit it. You know it's true."

"Then it doesn't matter, I don't care. Break my heart, hurt my feelings, Riley, as long as it's just the two of us by the end of the night that's all I want."

"It's not what I want," she said to him.

He slammed his fist against the counter, "Have you been talking to Zay, is that it? Did he make you do this?"

"This isn't about him. Okay? This was my decision, I am making this choice all on my own."

"I don't believe you. I don't. We haven't been talking for like a week you guys apparently talk every night, he could've fed you some fucking lies about me - "

"Lucas, please." She stared at him, not knowing how to prove him otherwise.

He didn't want to focus on the thought any longer, he refused to believe that the love of his life wanted to end their relationship. She was the most important person in his life and he depended on her for many things that nobody else, not even his family, could offer. He was beginning to feel like he was free-falling and he wouldn't be able to catch himself now that Riley wasn't there to support him.

He studied her posture, the sadness in her eyes, and he realized the decision was entirely her own. The weight of realization came barreling toward him, knocking him senseless and he cursed in frustration.

Instinctively his hands went to the glass on the counter, he slid them off and watched as they broke into pieces. "That's some fucking bullshit! I should've known better. You've never been interested in working shit out with me. When you're mad you're stubborn and nothing can change your mind, here I am trying to fix our relationship Riley, but you don't care!"

"Of course I care," she fired back, noticing that he had lost his ability to keep his composure. He was angry and yelling at her and she needed to defend herself. "Lucas that's exactly why I'm doing this. We're not good for each other all we've ever done is hurt each other that's why this needs to end."

"This needs to end 'cause you caught feelings for Zay - "

She was taken aback by his allegation, "That's not true."

"It's not? Then what exactly would you and Zay do when you met behind my back late at night?"

"We didn't do anything."

"Did you guys fuck?" he asked, accusingly.

"What? No, we didn't."

"I don't believe you."

"Lucas..."

"How exactly do you expect me to believe you then? You think I didn't notice how fucking friendly you guys were a few weeks ago? That's why I told Zay to stay the hell away from you. I'm not blind I knew something was going on between you two!" He shouted, his voice dripping in acid.

"What are you talking about? Nothing happened between me and Zay. At all."

"Don't believe you."

"You don't believe me?"

He shook his head.

"Well then do you want to know what we really talked about?" she asked.

"Please."

"We talked about us," she gestured to the two of them. "And how we argued all the time."

He stayed quiet. "And then you say he didn't give you the idea to break up with me?"

"Because he didn't, that was my idea."

All Lucas could feel at the moment was anger. He was convinced Zay had something to do with it and he wasn't sure Riley could change his mind, there was too much evidence that pointed him in the opposite direction of her claim. And when Zay confessed he still had feelings for her everything made perfect sense. He somehow manipulated Riley into ending their relationship and he was mad at her for giving up on them so easily; without any effort to make it work. And he started taking his anger out on her. "I'm glad I cheated. You were a waste of fucking time, I should've known better."

"What?" Riley's hand went to meet her chest the second she was able to process his words. Their hearts were no longer beating at the same tune, it felt as though their minds were thinking the other away; breaking the bond that had been created over a year ago.

The guy Riley had fallen in love with was becoming something she wasn't sure she could stand.

His hands were balled into fists, she could see the veins under his skin

"I'm an idiot for thinking this could work. I tried so fucking hard to keep us together and..." he shrugged, "For what? So you could end it with some lame speech about deserving better? I love you, Riley, I do and I would do anything for you, but this is some fucking bullshit. I hate this shit, bruh!" He kicked the couch beside him, "You hooked up with him, didn't you?"

"I already told you, I didn't sleep with Zay. He's my friend."

"I don't believe you."

"Yeah, you never do and then you argue why we should be together," she spat. "I can't believe you said that."

He scoffed, "Can't believe you fucked my best friend."

"I didn't sleep with him!" she yelled, glaring into those dark embers shamelessly. "I didn't beat him up either, but you did!"

Riley didn't understand why Lucas had abruptly started attacking her. A few minutes ago he was being sweet and begging for her, but now he was back to his old ways. She started seeing his true colors, colors that had always been there but always hidden and she was confident she didn't like them.

"I love you," he reminded, but this time it sounded forceful.

"You don't cheat on someone you love." He scoffed yet again at her words and she continued nonetheless. "You don't send nudes to another girl if you're in love with someone."

"This is your last chance to think about it carefully," he advised. "Do you really want to break up - ?"

"I really do," she cut short, she had never been sure of anything like this before.

"After everything we've been through?!" Lucas yelled.

"You mean after everything we've put each other through," Riley suggested. "We've hurt each other too much. The bad outweighs the good, we both know that."

Lucas' unshaven jaw flexed in determination. He reached for his pocket and pulled out his phone, he clicked a few buttons before bringing it to his ear and staring the brunette in the eyes. "Hey, Zuri, it's Lucas. What are you doing tonight? Oh, nothing? Are you home alone?" He nodded, the corners of his lips rising, "All right, I'm gonna slide in a bit if you're interested in...catching up if you know what I mean. You are? All right, see you soon." He put his phone away, "See, replacing you is that easy. I'll see you around, Matthews."

As he headed for the door, his shoulder brushed passed hers along the way.

"Lucas," she called out to him in shock. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," he confirmed like there was nothing wrong with it.

"You're unbelievable," she replied despairingly.

He stopped, "One last thing, Victoria, and I hooked up yesterday. She, uh, she hates your ass, but we had fun enjoying each other."

Everything between them hung in the air and she watched him walk away. She felt herself wanting to cry and scream in despair, his words had torn through her heart and ripped her to shreds and she didn't have the energy to hold it in together.

All the soft kisses, the hugs, the beautiful conversations, and memories they shared stopped for a reason and despite everything, she was still grateful for the experience. But at this point, they were an open invitation to a floodgate of tears that she wasn't sure she could revisit just yet.

When he was gone and she was there alone, she couldn't bring herself to understand how they could share the same heartbreak yet feel a completely different range of emotions.

It only reminded her that the Lucas she fell in love with was not the same guy she had just broken up with.

_**ooo**_

Riley climbed out of bed and turned her phone on. She checked to see the time, it read 9:15 am. School had passed her by and she had no intention in going, she didn't have the energy for it. She was already dressed in a loose and oversized graphic tee that nearly reached her knees and her hair was wrapped in a messy bun to control the brown cascades she no longer had control over.

The more and more she succumbed to her sadness the more she felt her current attire represented her mood.

She walked into her bathroom and brushed her teeth. As she reached for her toothpaste, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and sighed. She saw her tear-stained cheeks from the night before and darkening of her eye bags from the mascara she forgot to wipe from the day before. Her reflection was unlike anything she'd seen before, but she didn't care.

It didn't matter to her anymore. Normally, she would've taken a shower and been grateful that no one saw her, but she didn't even have the energy to care anymore. She wiped the mascara from her eyes and finished brushing her teeth.

She had already made a mental note and decided to dedicate the entire day to silently sobbing behind her locked door. Since she was alone in the comfort of her own home, she walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Her stomach was growling and the only thing she could bring herself to eat was cereal.

There was a note on the fridge:

_Your mother and I are at work and your brother is at school. Let us know if you need anything._

_\- Dad_

She sighed and at that moment another tear fell down her cheeks. It was that moment that Riley realized something, the only guy in the world who ever loved her unconditionally and rightfully was her father. And she spent the entire time with Lucas forgetting that.

When she made her way back into her room, she found the scrapbook she made for Lucas. She was currently working on it and planned on giving it to him the night of their graduation as a present, but he would never see it in his life. She started it on the day of his birthday. Even though they were going through a lot back in January, she loved him deeply and continued to work on it because even then - even if she didn't realize it - she always knew they wouldn't break up that time.

As she flipped through the pages, she started whimpering at their old memories. She still missed them, but she knew she shouldn't. He wasn't right for her, she knew that now.

By the time she was halfway through, she slammed the book shut and started sobbing. She hated that it hurt her so much, she wanted to be happy, but she wasn't. She was sad.

A few minutes passed and she pulled herself off the ground and moved towards her bay window. Her bay window was her comfort place inside her comfort place. It was the place she and Maya created so many memories. It was the place she found Isadora and the place their friendship was created. She brought her legs closer to her chest and hugged herself, thinking about both of them.

She was sure they were at school now, wondering where she was, probably asking Lucas if he knew. Given the circumstances, if Lucas showed up to school, they were likely to ask him about it. And given his mood, they might've seen his true colors.

Colors she had seen since the first month they started dating but swept under the rug because she was so fascinated by Lucas.

If only she knew what having him in her life would entail.

That night, as expected, the trio showed up at her house. Maya, Isadora, and Missy rushed into her room with expectant eyes, wondering where she had been all day and why she wasn't answering her phone.

One look at them and her face fell, tears spewing from her eyes. She was in her bed and wanted to pull the covers over her head, but she couldn't hide it from them anymore. They deserved to know.

"We broke up," she said to them.

Judging from the look on their faces, Riley came to the conclusion that they didn't know. Instinctively, they sat on her bed and hugged her. Wiping and sniffing her nose throughout.

When they were done comforting her, they sat in her bay window once again. This time they were asking the who, what, where, when, and why of it all.

"It happened last night," she revealed, playing with the sleeves of her oversized cotton sweater. "I invited him over and that's when I told him."

"I thought everything was perfect between you guys," Maya asked. For a short period of time, she felt like they were arguing, but that time had passed months ago. Everything from the coming weeks had convinced her otherwise. She genuinely thought they were happy.

"It wasn't ...um," the second she felt like crying again, Maya pulled her in for a hug. "It was actually pretty toxic."

"Toxic," Isadora asked, curiously. "How so? How was it toxic?"

"Lucas, he'd...he was really jealous and possessive and it got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore. We went months and months of constant arguing and constantly hurting each other's feelings that it got out of control. He did things that...I just don't think I'd be able to forget. I had to end it before it got worse."

Maya's eyebrows furrowed, "What kind of things did he do?"

She negotiated with herself, questioning whether she should tell them. She'd been keeping it a secret for months now and telling them now felt right, she knew they had to know. "He cheated on me."

Their jaws dropped in astonishment. "When?"

"I don't know exactly when, but I found out a week before his birthday party."

"That was four months ago," Isadora informed, "You've known for four months and you're barely telling us now?"

The brunette nodded timidly, "I know."

"Who did he cheat on you with?" Missy inched herself closer to them. She was just as interested and confused as they were.

"This girl named Zuri. She's a sophomore, I think. I don't know if they hooked up or not, but Zay told me that they would hang out at parties and disappear for a while. I thought I could forget about it when I found out - and I did for a while - but I couldn't see him the same. Everything was just...different."

"So Victoria...?"

She laughed bitterly, "Yeah, her too."

Maya was shocked to hear this, "So he cheated more than once?"

"What an ass," Isadora cursed. "Why wouldn't you tell us?"

"I didn't want you guys to know. I was trying to protect him and if I'm being honest I didn't want to believe it. I was hurt and embarrassed."

"He's the one that deserves to be hurt and embarrassed," they countered, "Riley, you're our best friend. When things like this happen, you tell us, so we can handle it."

She nodded, taking their hands. This was the kind of support she needed and shyed away from because of Lucas. "I love you guys."

"You know we got your back. On anything."

She held their hands and smiled. She was so happy her girls were there for her in the end. "God, it feels like I've finally taken off my blindfold, you know? I see him differently."

She spent the following hour telling them everything that went wrong in her relationship with Lucas. She disclosed everything from his jealousy to their arguments. She also spoke about his relationship with his dad and how she believed that influenced his behaviors. By the end of the day, the trio walked out with everything they needed to know.

And they hated Lucas for it.

A few days ago she would've feared this, she would've tried to convince them otherwise, but she didn't care now. She knew what he did was wrong and she couldn't lie to everyone anymore. The people who truly loved her needed to know the kind of things he put her through.

Even if it meant they would hate him. He wasn't hers to protect anymore.

_**ooo**_

Riley hadn't had any intentions of laying out of school the next day. Yet somehow she had awoken in the middle of the afternoon to find that half the day had already passed her by. She sat up in bed, her knees to her chest as the events from the night before flashed like glimpses of memories. She vaguely remembered breaking up with Lucas and discussing their situation. They had agreed to end the relationship, but not on the terms she had expected.

Lucas resorted to hurting her feelings and confessing things she never expected he would do, even though he'd confessed to cheating on her in the past, Riley believed him when he said he'd never do it again. But just like before, he had fooled her.

The thought of Lucas sleeping with Victoria and picturing them in the same bed chewed away at her thoughts, it left an empty hole in her heart and she wished she could forget the pain, but she couldn't. She couldn't hide it either. She thought ending her relationship with him would push her in the right direction, that she'd start to see the world clearer and brighter, but when she did that she had skipped past the heartbreak and agony she would feel grieving their relationship.

She had no idea how long she had sat alone in her room, hugging her knees against her body, before her mother had come upstairs to check on her. Aside from being a diabolical genius in the courtroom, she was also a nurturing mother who would stop at nothing to ensure her daughter was okay. So she'd come bearing the wonders of Kleenex and Mint Chip Ice Cream.

She stayed in her daughter's room for a few minutes discussing how the brunette wanted to handle the situation. Topanga wanted to know how her daughter was coping with everything so she could help in any way shape or form. By the end of the conversation, Riley decided she wasn't going to do anything. She wasn't gonna let her parents talk to Lucas' parents, she wasn't going to let anyone talk Lucas into apologizing to her. She just wanted to move on from it without having to deal with its consequences. Of course, her mother believed Riley wasn't thinking clearly and that'd she'd reach the anger phase in a few days, but she insisted on her stance.

So they did nothing. They let their daughter grieve and hoped for the best.

The usually optimistic brunette supposed she had been in shock or denial. She knew she wasn't sad, she had experienced it before. Sadness was the feeling she lived with after arguing with Lucas, it was the feelings she felt whenever she was uncertain of their relationship and it was many other things she had felt dating him, but the sadness she was feeling didn't feel like it. Honestly, she wasn't feeling much of anything at the moment. She just felt…tired. Tired and Numb.

Of course, that didn't last.

The tears came later that night. As she laid there in the silence every memory came crashing down on her. They washed over her one by one; each image and emotion crisp, clear, and excruciatingly more painful than the last. She remembered kissing him and hugging him, the excitement she felt before seeing him, and every moment they'd ever shared.

And it hurt.

Despite the setbacks and turmoil, Lucas had fulfilled something in her life she had never felt before: love. In the year and a half that they dated, he had completely illuminated her already brilliant world. He had made her feel beautiful and brave, and she had gotten her first taste of romantic love. She learned about his troubling relationship with his father and encouraged him to show his emotions, she was there when Lucas told her he wanted to be a veterinarian rather than a football player and she was always there for him when he needed her.

And that's what made breaking up with him hurt so badly.

Ending their relationship meant ending all of that. It meant she could no longer see him in a way she had done for over a year, it meant that their time together would come to an end and they would eventually grow apart and meet different people.

She knew this would happen if they broke up, but now that she was feeling this for the first time she needed to process it.

It was scary and dreadful at first, someday she and Lucas would marry different people and never talk to each other again, but then she realized why she had to break up with him in the first place.

She did it for her own good. A few days ago, Riley realized she didn't love herself enough to break up with him. She always prioritized his needs above hers and dealt with the consequences of it, but now that she had followed through with it, she was going to prioritize herself and every decision she made was for her own good.

She gave herself the weekend to deal with every emotion she needed to deal with before she started her healing process. It was hard at first, she couldn't lie. She had moments of contradiction, she told herself she would never cry for him again, then five minutes later she would remember what it was like to hug him and she was back to square one. There were moments where she wanted to dance and have fun until she remembered how well she did that when she was with Lucas. She tried baking to calm her nerves, but then she remembered that she was baking when he told her he loved her for the first time.

Her recovery wasn't easy, there were multiple setbacks and she wasn't entirely sure she would ever be completely over him, but she _could_ move on from him.

Isadora, Maya, and Missy played a huge role in helping her find her confidence. Isadora provided intelligence and determination, she was awkward and stoic at times, but she never cared about other people's opinions. She was too smart to let herself fall into an endless pit of insecurity so she guided Riley into embodying those traits of herself. Maya, who represented the wild, party girl next door, taught Riley how to exude carelessness and independence. She taught her the key characteristics in striving for herself and, if needed, she taught Riley what to do in case she was ever in a fight. But that mostly served for comedic purposes. And lastly, Missy, who had sought treatment for her bulimia and was building a better lifestyle for herself, taught Riley how to love herself and overcome her challenges.

Although they were dealing with different things, Missy and Riley found similarities in their obstacles. Missy was learning to love herself and her body after her mother bullied her for years and Riley was learning to love herself after she allowed herself to undergo an excruciatingly and toxic relationship. This created a bond unlike any other and she was grateful for the experience, Missy credited Riley as the reason she decided to get help which meant a lot to her.

On a random Wednesday, a week after Riley and Lucas had broken up, Lucas had posted something on his Snapchat Story that her friends insisted on hiding from her. They made Riley hand over her phone for her own safety, but she was curious as to what he posted. So she went on her phone to see the post and instantly regretted it.

Lucas had gone to a party and made out with a girl she didn't know, the video consisted of the two of them kissing while his hand gripped her ass. In the next video, the girl was grinding on him while he stared at her, mesmerized by her body. She set the phone down and cried. A few hours after that, he drunkenly called her to tell her he missed her and that he wanted to see her.

His words were like venom. He poisoned her and at the sound of his voice, she was tempted to do away with everything her friends taught her and run to him. He was in tears and desperate for her, but she couldn't let herself cave. She told him to call somebody else. He revealed to her that he loved her deeply and that he wanted them to get back together, but she hung up the phone before he could continue.

The next night, Lucas posted a video in which he was getting high.

Riley had told her friends many times that she wasn't keeping tabs on him, but the truth was, she _was_ keeping tabs on him. She stalked his Instagram, his Snapchat, and Twitter to see what he was doing and it never made her feel good.

She couldn't believe it at first, she thought that he'd at least take some time to mourn their breakup, but he hadn't. He'd been out partying ever since she ended it and it made her question how much she mattered to him.

She was angry he wasn't sad, she was angry he wasn't heartbroken, and she was angry he wasn't showing any emotions. It was a huge setback that made her cry, but her friends were there to catch her.

They were there to remind her how much she mattered to people in her life that she genuinely cared about. Like her parents, her brother, and her best friends. Not some toxic boy in her life with daddy issues.

Truth was, Lucas had killed something inside of her. He had stirred her soul and manipulated her in a way she only caught onto after they had broken up. It was only when it was too late and the damage had been done that she realized how toxic he was, and how dating him was slowly killing her.

Lucas made her feel good, yes, but there was always a catch. Something always happened that took that happiness away and replaced it with something unexpected - something that completely ate away at the happiness she once felt. That had been one of the never ending cycles in their relationships and she was sure she wouldn't be able to tolerate it her entire life.

By the time acceptance swooped into Riley's life, she had learned how to carry on. She had learned how to be dependent of herself and only herself. She learned to love who she was and what to expect in a relationship, she wasn't going to settle for anything less.

"You look beautiful, Riley," her mother Topanga complimented from the door to her room.

"Thank you," she said back to her. She turned to her mirror again, there was a time she couldn't recognize her reflection. She was so broken and lost she couldn't see herself, now she was comfortable with it.

She didn't want to be the old Riley, that Riley was easy to manipulate and hurt, instead she was new and improved. A better version of herself and if she was entirely honest, that was the best thing she ever got out of her relationship with him.

"You ready?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I am."

Time was supposed to be the healer of all wounds, and enough of it had gone by that the gravity of the universe made what seemed so large and irreconcilable feel small and insignificant.

She moved on.

And she was ready to see what else was in stores for her.

_**ooo**_

Riley ran in the misty, early morning, through the open fields of Central Park. She was at peace feeling the ground quickly pass her by and the soft caress of leaves and branches against her arms and legs as she followed her usual trail.

There wasn't any point to her run today - usually, she ran to distract herself from her heartbreak and angst (Lucas hadn't exactly left her alone since they've broken up and she needed ways to cope) but today was just for the sheer joy of breathing in the green air beneath the trees and feeling the sun on her skin.

She reached the lake, which sparkled a dark, clear blue, and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath for a moment before she stepped into the clearing. Looking around, she seemed to be the only one there, but some days she could almost hear the grand willow humming along to the tune of the wind. She walked over, slinging off her light backpack, and leaned against the wooden rails - mopping the sweat off her forehead.

It was so nice to get away from all the drama at school nowadays. She and Lucas had become the center of every conversation amongst their peers when word got out that he'd slept with Victoria. She'd hear the murmurs between the girls in the bathrooms and in the classrooms, she didn't have the energy to confront them about it because she no longer cared. She wanted to be as removed from the drama as possible even though it kept coming back to her.

"Hey," a soft and hoarse voice spoke.

She turned to the person beside her, he was wearing a Nike sweater with dark sweats and running shoes. When he spoke a gust of steamy air escaped his lips and rang a sound so familiar to her she could basically melt in her shoes.

"Thank you for coming, I know it's early."

"I don't mind," Zay answered. "I wanted to hear what you had to say."

The last time they spoke, he had rejected her thirteenth attempt at apologizing to him for getting him arrested. They were arguing and she was being too loud and the police arrived. Since Lucas had beat him up, the police thought he looked suspicious and they arrested him. The guilt ate her alive and she was glad she could finally speak her truth.

Her friend's support reminded her of somebody that had been there for her when no one else knew what she was going through. He was kind and observant and always made her feel better about herself, but something happened that ended that friendship.

And so her path to making amends began.

"I'm sure you know by now, but Lucas and I broke up," she said because the silence lengthened.

"I heard. People been talking about you at school and Lucas hasn't exactly been nice to me since."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's not your fault," he noted dejectedly. "Lucas has always been like this. I guess I just finally had enough."

She turned to him. She had fought for a chance to talk to him ever since their argument and now that she had that chance, she didn't know how to say what it was she needed to say. She took a deep breath and played with her fingers, brainstorming her apology "I'm sorry, Zay. About everything," she confessed. She'd never been sorry about anything like this. "I'm genuinely sorry you got arrested over something so stupid that was entirely my fault. You helped me in ways nobody ever has and I need you to know that not a day goes by where I don't think about it. You listened to me when I needed you the most and if I had done the same it would have spared us so much trouble. You are such a good friend, a great friend in fact, and I hate myself for using you to rant about my relationship problems. You didn't deserve any of it and when you realized it and told me to handle it on my own with Lucas like a normal couple, I freaked out and went crazy on you. I didn't mean to get you into trouble."

Listening to her apology sounded like a plea, almost like she was begging for his forgiveness. When he looked at her eyes he could tell that she meant every word and he realized then how much she regretted her past mistakes with Lucas. For the first time in their friendship, he felt like she was making an effort into getting her life onto the right path - which was away from Lucas.

"So I'm here now and I'm telling you that I will never forget how much you've helped me. You're the only person I told about Lucas when I was with him and I did it because I trusted you. I still trust you. You told me everything I needed to hear. I just couldn't listen," their eyes met. "So thank you and I hope that one day we can be friends again. We'll go to In-N-Out and talk about something that isn't my bad experience with boys."

He laughed. "We'll go to our usual place that overlooks the city and play heads up or something."

"I love that. It'll be like old times."

"I'm curious," Zay spoke, "What was the final straw? What made you realize you needed to end it."

She sighed, "Everything, but mostly my mom. She put my relationship with him into a different perspective and from there I guess I kind of realized what we had wasn't love. Or maybe it was, and it wasn't the right kind of love. And if I'm being honest it was meant to happen, I've taken this time to prioritize things in my life that really matter. And I feel great. I'm focusing on my health, both mental and physical - as you can see," she gestured towards the park, "I'm hanging out with my girlfriends, my parents and I are talking again, I'm getting ready for college...everything feels perfect and for once in my life, I'm in control. I don't need to worry about upsetting someone, I don't need to worry about what I'm wearing, who I'm with, whether or not he's texting me, I can finally breathe," she smiled. She felt like she could shout it from the New York rooftops and fly into the sky, "I can finally breathe."

"That's great to hear, Riley. I'm proud of you."

"And I'm so thankful for you. I finally blocked out the noise and started listening to your advice and now everything is clearer and this is all thanks to you." She turned to hold both his hands. "I know I already said this, but I'm gonna say it again. Thank you. Really."

He looked at their hands, they were gripping his tightly like she was scared to let go, but excited to hold on.

The more he looked at her, the more he realized that they'd been through so much together. He helped her through a lot and as a result, he suffered a consequence that she had spent the past few minutes trying to apologize for. He cared about her, yes, but their time had passed.

"You know, Riley I never really told you this, but…" he chuckled at the thought and her reaction, "I used to have this huge crush on you in elementary school."

"What?"

"I know," he smiled. "I would always try to sit next to you and talk to you, like all the time. I remember getting so jealous when Mr. Honey, our third-grade teacher, made Lil Thomas your end of the year partner."

"Really?"

"Yes," he confirmed, "And then on Valentine's day when he'd give us time to hand out our cards to people I would make sure you got the biggest candy out of everybody else. I was trying to impress you and I thought that would do the trick."

The corners of her lips curved upwards, "I had no idea."

"I don't blame you, I'm very good at keeping things low key."

She still couldn't process the thought, "Wow, I'm mind blown. That's crazy."

"I know."

All of Riley's childhood consisted of one boy's attention, Lucas. She didn't know that being wrapped around his finger was distracting her from another boy. Zay. "When did it stop?" she asked, curiously.

"Bout two weeks ago."

Her smile fell, "Two? Just two? So this whole time…? This whole time you've been helping me you've also had feelings for me? Zay - "

"Can you blame me?" he questioned, "Riley, you're beautiful. There's no denying it, I'm not blind. I'm staring at you right now, I can see why Lucas fell in love. And aside from looking beautiful, you _are_ beautiful. You have a big heart and I always liked that about you."

When the words left his mouth, Riley jumped at the chance to kiss him. His words sounded perfect and made her feel a way that no guy besides Lucas was capable of. And the fact that they were Zay's words, a guy who she knew would never treat her the way Lucas did and would never let their relationship be destroyed by something so small and petty, made her feel like Zay had been the missing piece to the empty void she still felt. The thought alone made her do something she didn't know she needed.

When their lips met, Zay pulled away quickly. He stared at her eyes and he saw that she wanted the kiss. Had this been a few weeks ago, he would've reacted differently. "I said liked. Past tense."

Her face fell, "What?"

He removed her hands from his cheeks, "Riley I liked you. Up until two weeks ago."

"So you don't… anymore?"

He licked his lips, "When I found out about your relationship with Lucas and how toxic it was I wanted to help because I liked you. I couldn't stand him hurting you like that so I did what I could to help you. I was there for you because you're a great girl Riley, you're kind and optimistic and I loved that about you. And when you told me he cheated on you with Zuri, I thought, okay this is it, this is finally it, she's gonna end it. She has to. I started brainstorming ways I could ask you out, at a time that felt right, but then you forgave him and you got back with him. And then the arguments didn't end and I started to realize this was a cycle that kept on happening. That no matter what, no matter what he did, you'd go back to him. I thought that that night I could end it, but you got upset and the police got involved. When I was in that cell I realized that I couldn't help you. You were stuck...because you loved him and I wasn't enough. And I lost feelings."

She wiped the tears from her cheek. Zay had always been there for her when she needed him.

He was the quiet hero of her tragic love story, he was always there waiting between the windows, ready to catch her if she was unlucky enough to fall.

And he did many times.

"I just want you to know that I would've treated you a thousand times better than he did. Riley, you're rare, and you deserve to be treated like it." He took a few steps back, giving her time to think about his revelation. "Being friends isn't the best choice for us right now. Lucas is…" he took a deep breath, "He's dealing with things his way and school's ending soon so we should focus on that. We're gonna move on and do better things, but maybe sometime in the future, when we're older, and we see each other around New York, we can get a cup of coffee and catch up?"

The tears in her eyes built up like an ocean and she didn't want to blink because the tears would flood through. Saying goodbye to Zay brought a different kind of pain she hadn't felt before. It was a hard one to get over, but she knew she had to. He had just confessed something to her that she had no clue about whatsoever and saying goodbye would be hard.

It made her rethink her life and question everything.

How different would her life have been if she danced with Zay the night of Homecoming instead of Lucas? How different would things be for her if she dated him instead?

She felt like she could lose herself just thinking about it and it made her feel like she had missed out on something great.

A guy she knew would treat her right if she gave him a chance was sitting under her nose the entire time, but she was so blinded by someone else that she didn't see it. And now that she had, it was too late. The opportunity had passed her by.

"That sounds great."

He smiled, "I'll see you around, Riley."

"See you around, Zay."

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: Okay, I felt like this was a good place to end part one of the finale. In this chapter, you guys finally got see the Rucas breakup (thank GOD!) and how Riley dealt with it. I also wanted Riley and Zay to talk things out. These were all moments the entire series has been building up to since chapter one and I hope you guys aren't dissappointed with this chapter at all. This was the direction I've been heading towards since April when I finished planning the entire series. I'm glad you guys are finally reading it. YAYAY! **

**The reason this chapter was mainly focused on Riley was so that it ****highlighted her road to recovery and her**** emotions as realistically and close to her character as possible. In a toxic relationship, the way both parties handle the breakup are extremely different. The victim will work on finding themselves, or focusing on the part of them that allowed them to stay in something so toxic, while the toxic one will find it harder to move on. (I also feel like gender plays a factor in this - but these are the basics). The victim will find ways to make up for everything they endured in their relationships like focusing on their mental and psychical health, surrounding themselves with people they care about, and practicing self love. The ****toxic party, on the other hand, will find it extremely difficult to move on. They have this mentality where they control their significant other and now that they don't have that control, they'll become reckless, hostile, and spiral out of control. ****(Some of the times.) ****There's also a lot of vulnerability that takes control. So you guys can imagine how Lucas will react in the next chapter, which**** will highlight his reaction in the first half.**

**The other half builds up to the finale and things will essentially wrap. I'd give more information on the second half, but I don't want to give it away. Let's just say: it's sort of sweet. **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review **


	25. 24: it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us

**A****/N: I can't believe the day finally came! Today, the finale of LYTLM is out for all of you to read! YAY! This journey was extremely long and frustrating for some of y'all, but my intention, from the very beginning, was to capture a toxic relationship as realistic and authentically as possible. I wanted this to be frustrating and exhausting because that's exactly what toxicity feels like. As outsiders looking in we see all the signs, but people in toxic relationships often don't. I hope you'll ALWAYS remember that.**

**Before we continue, I'd like to give a special thanks to Katy Kear. She's my FanFiction BFF who stuck with me and contributed to this story from the very beginning. She was there when I came up with the idea for LYTLM on October 27th, 2019, and when I finished writing this story just a few days ago. So a special shoutout to her.**

**I can't express the gratitude I feel. I think that LYTLM is one of the best stories I've ever written. I wanted this story to be realistic, that was my intention from the very beginning and it shaped the plot and ending of the story. Thank you, thank you, thank you all so much for reading and for reviewing. This is a story I will always cherish.**

**Guest: Sorry, Riarkle was never planned for a story like this but I get why you ship them together. As for Zay, it is pretty sad. The girl he liked for so long finally started to like him too, but his feelings had passed.**

**Guest: I knew from the beginning that there needed to be some form of justice in this story. I didn't want to write a story that didn't have a happy ending, especially in a story like this. I wanted to show you that recovery from something as consuming as this is possible. However, I hope the justice I felt was appropriate is one you guys will like as well. And of course, some Joshaya is needed.**

**Hey: Good riddance indeed! And facts on facts on facts! Everything in your review was spot on, I AM SO PROUD! Thank you for reviewing, you're so wise and understanding!**

**Guest: Wow, your knowledge. But my intention was never to base their personality off of their astrology signs, I wrote them the way I wanted to, and if they didn't match then oh well. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Sad: I wanted Zay to be a fallen angel in this story. He was there for Riley when she needed it, but unfortunately he moved on. I wanted it to sting a little. Toxic relationships can ruin a lot of things for people and I'm so glad you understood his decision, it means a lot to me. It's so important for Riley to take time to herself and to focus on what she had to go through so that it doesn't happen again. I hope reading this story helped you learned something and that the finale lives up to your expectations. **

**A note to anyone that has ever reviewed LYTLM: I owe you guys a big thank you, honestly. A lot of you and I mean it, a lot of you knew where this story was heading and knew just what to say. I'm so glad I was able to write to an audience of people who sympathized with Riley and understood what she was going through. (And to an audience who also shaded and dragged Lucas left and right for his decisions). I felt like I was leaning a lot from you guys as I read the reviews and I cheered every time someone said something I was thinking and something that was happening on later chapters. It has to be one of the best feelings about being a writer. When your readers know your story on a level you, the writer, do. Your intelligence and love for astrology amazes me and I wanted you all to know. **

**Enjoy the finale of Lose You to Love Me!**

**Chapter 24**

**Lose You to Love Me**

_**ooo**_

Lucas was angry.

He'd never been as angry as he was today. He was angry at Riley for breaking up with him and giving him a lame-ass excuse about wanting better for each other. He was mad at her for not trying to make their relationship work out like they had countless times before. He was mad that she had made up her mind so quickly and he was left to deal with the aftermath of emotions her decision had caused.

He was mad for not saying anything before. He was mad at himself for letting the previous times she had done something similar pass so quickly. He had noticed that Riley rarely tried to correct the errors of her ways when she was angry and upset, she didn't like to address the reason. She just walked away from it and ignored him for days and he hated it every time.

It drove him crazy and it upset him more than he liked.

And he was mad he let it happen so often.

He found himself wanting to punch things in his room, he felt like crying and screaming and he hated her for having this much influence over him. He'd been down this road many times before and he was tired of it.

So, this time around, as he stared at the mirror he had punched, Lucas told himself he wasn't going to sit around and cry. He wasn't going to let Riley have this much power and influence over him.

And consequently, everything he was sure about changed. He started second-guessing all the decisions in his life like his career choice, his education, his grades, and his feelings.

He was back to his old ways in a matter of minutes.

Over the next few days, he had become the worst version of himself, lashing out at his friends, letting his grades slip, and getting high occasionally. He talked back to his teachers, pretended he didn't care about anything, ignored Riley in the hallways, flirted with girls left and right, and hooked up with them to distract himself from what he truly felt.

He was upset, mad, hateful, sad, sensitive, broken, and lost.

But behind it all, Lucas hated himself. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Those were his decisions, those were his mistakes. He had no one to blame for his unhappiness beside himself. Even though Riley and Lucas fought and said terrible things to each other, he knew it was because they loved each other deeply. And even though they pressed each other's buttons and reached a breaking point in their relationship, he didn't want to break up with her.

He never expected it would ever come to that. He thought they were going to marry and continue their cycle, but at least they'd be in love and tied to each other. They'd start a family, divorce a few times, remarry, and probably cheat on each other, but he ready to go down that road if it meant loving her.

He loved her so much he had prepared for the worst.

Riley had been the glue in his life, she had built walls in his life that supported him in every way. And without Riley, his life was chaos and uncertainty, with Riley in it, there was balance and order; and love.

So he knew what to do.

Over the next week, Lucas tried to call and reconcile. He called a total of 36 times, leaving her numerous drunk voicemails, a handful of text messages, and tried to get her to answer her door at least 12 times.

All of which he was granted the same response - complete silence - and nothing but.

He was aware that her friends knew about what went on behind the scenes, he knew it the moment they unfollowed him on every social media platform. Which meant he couldn't use them to get to Riley, making every one of his efforts completely useless.

He would have to start from the bottom and that was getting Riley to talk to him, which would be the hardest of them all as she was stubborn.

Although Riley had broken up with him and wanted nothing to do with him, Lucas still loved her. He still wanted her in his life and losing her was his biggest fear.

Thinking of ways they could get back together, Lucas started thinking about all the negativity in their relationship. He was aware they didn't exactly have the best relationship in the face of the planet, and he didn't always turn a blind eye to it, but he always felt that their love for each other would keep them from breaking up. No matter the argument, no matter the result - angry or not - Lucas would've never broken up with Riley. He loved her.

Their arguments were difficult, he knew that. It hadn't mattered that they were in her bedroom or his car. There had been no decision process and no thought to consequence; only the bottomless need to hurt each other. He was guilty of it many times. He searched for ways to hurt her feelings, but it was never to the extent Riley took it. He just wanted to make her mad, Riley searched for ways to hurt his feelings and make him cry - which she had been successful at all the time.

But he was able to recognize that so much of this could've been avoided if only he had made different choices, better choices. Sure he was jealous and possessive, but he loved her. He just wished he handled things differently.

Riley didn't talk to him after that. She ignored him as expected and it hurt him, he just never showed it. His friends applauded him for getting over the break up pretty quickly and in a matter of days, Lucas went to a strip club for the first time. He needed a distraction and that's what girls became to him.

But after a while, drinking, smoking, and hooking up with random girls couldn't replace his feelings. He was often thinking of Riley when he was with other girls.

He began to wonder if asking for forgiveness would make him feel better about himself.

Though it had been a month since he'd had a reason to climb Riley's fire escape, he still found his way there effortlessly. He stared at her window for a few seconds wondering if he was making the right choice, if he climbed up the ladder he'd be setting himself up for failure and heartbreak and he wasn't sure if that was something he needed. He wanted to find solace or forgiveness, but at the same time, he wanted to be with her again. He missed her deeply and every day that went by where he couldn't touch or kiss her felt like he wasn't living his life to its potential. He needed a Riley in his life to function and it scared him thinking he'd never be able to find someone like her.

He took a deep breath and traveled up the steps, thinking back on the handful of memories he had sneaking out of her room whenever they'd been close to being caught on some of their infamous makeout sessions. The thing about it was that when they had their good moments, they were great. Their highest highs were high and their lowest lows were extremely low. But he always clung to the possibility that they would experience something as exciting and adrenaline like the day he told her he loved her. They danced in the rain and baked in his house and he hadn't told her, but that was their favorite memory, and whenever they were going through one of their arguments or not talking to each other, he would oftentimes think back to that moment and hope for a day where they could experience something like it.

He knew their relationship was capable of great things, it was just the circumstances that they were in that affected the way they handled things. And he refused to think of their relationship as something that would wash away as time passed.

Riley was on her bed doing her homework, her hair was down and wavy and instantly he felt himself yearn to hold her. He had missed the way he was allowed to touch and kiss her, he took it for granted most of the time, but now that he knew what it was like to live without that kind of privilege, he felt miserable. She was dressed in a white tank top with her purple and pink striped pajamas. He felt himself smile for a second, she never wanted him to see her before going to sleep because she claimed she didn't look as pretty, but if she only saw what he saw, she'd realize he was staring at the most beautiful girl in the world.

And it hurt him that he wasn't there to tell her.

Her night continued like this. She spent fifteen minutes completing her homework and when Riley was finished, she walked to her closet, prepared her outfit for tomorrow, set it down in her bathroom, brushed her teeth, braided her way so it would be wavy the next day, and slipped into bed. He knew that he should've left the second she fell asleep, but something compelled him to stay. Perhaps he couldn't leave her.

He loved her and hated himself for the way he treated her, he blamed himself for breaking her heart, and he only wanted her to be happy. So why did he have the intention to hurt her feelings after they broke up?

He purposefully posted all those videos of him drinking and getting high because he knew it pained her to see him like that. His friends and fellow students were convinced that Lucas was doing just fine and that he didn't care, and he did that because he wanted them to think that. He did this because he knew it would hurt Riley's feelings if she saw him out and about, living his best life after she broke up with him. So he took up every offer to get high and drunk and dance around with girls he didn't care about if it meant he got to post it.

He knew Riley would get curious about what he was up to so he posted videos like crazy.

In a sense, doing all of that felt much easier for him. He didn't care about any of the girls he hooked up with after Riley because he only had one goal in mind: sex. Lucas did better in relationships where his heart wasn't involved, he didn't need to put in the extra work, he didn't need to overthink the way he did with Riley, he just needed to have sex with them and both parties were pleased.

The only downside of that was that most girls would catch feelings for him soon after. He never would so he'd jump to the next without a care in the world.

At nights, when he was home alone and certain his friends wouldn't come looking for him, Lucas would let himself cry and grieve their failed relationship. Riley was, without a doubt, the best thing that ever happened to him. She stood with him through thick and thin and tried to help him whenever the opportunity was available, she taught him to not be afraid to express his feelings and to deal with them the second the issue came to light, but all of that was much harder when she wasn't around to guide him. He needed her more than ever before and it pained him to keep everything to himself, he didn't have someone to confide in and to cure his heartbreak anymore. Riley was the person he would go to for help and advice and he'd jeopardized that. He had no one left so he was left to handle it on his own, and that was something he was never good at.

And he couldn't allow himself to feel better since he was consumed by guilt.

He hated himself for partying and purposefully trying to break her heart. He wanted to prove to her he was doing fine, but he didn't realize that doing so would unintentionally tear him apart. He'd become everything Riley didn't want him to be in a span of a few days and that was something he had trouble coping with.

On common occasions, that heartbreak would turn to anger. And that anger was always directed at Riley. He hated her for breaking them apart, she knew how much he loved her and how much he was willing to sacrifice for her, and without a warning, she ended things. She didn't even let him try to mend his wrongdoings, she simply said things were over and he was left feeling like something vital had been taken from him. And the only way to act on that anger was to turn to drugs and alcohol; and girls.

And then he'd feel guilty for doing all of that because he intended to hurt her feelings.

He was stuck in this continuous cycle of toxic behavior. His mental health, as he knew it to be, was spiraling out of control.

And he didn't know what to do besides sit back and watch it all fall apart.

He leaned against the railings of her fire escape and watched as she slept. He always liked watching her sleep because it reminded him of how much he loved her and how much he wanted to protect her - even if he hurt her more than he intended to.

And that's when he realized it, he only cared about her happiness if it meant that he was the cause of it. He loved her deeply yes, but her happiness didn't matter to him if he wasn't in her life. At times he wished he could understand his logic himself, but it was something he felt.

He couldn't stand the sight of her talking to other guys and moving on, he needed to hurt her feelings and make her feel bad for breaking up with him, even if the guilt of it all would consume him. At least he'd have the satisfaction in knowing that she was still heartbroken over him while he, himself, tried to move on.

He wanted to yell as he felt the beginning stages of his anger rising to the surface. She was the reason he was in this predicament, she was the reason he felt this much anger and guilt and sadness.

He wanted to scream and punch something, but all that rush of adrenaline was quickly taken over with tears. He felt himself start to cry and he didn't have the strength to stand, he sat on the steps and silently sobbed. He didn't want to wake her up and he certainly didn't want her to see him like that.

He hated crying, but he knew it was necessary.

He just wished at times he wasn't feeling the way he was feeling. He was overwhelmed with his emotions and as much as he blamed Riley for it, all that anger would've quickly washed away if she ever wanted him back. He would forgive her without a doubt and forget about everything if she wanted to date him again.

And this was all because he still had feelings for her.

At the end of the day he still loved her, he still wanted to be with her, he still wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

And he intended to win her back.

**_ooo_**

Josh's internship paved the way to a lot of advantages in his early career. Aside from interning for a very popular news company, he was given an apartment to live nearby. His expenses were covered which meant he was living there for free. When he heard the news, Maya was the first person he called, and a day later, she helped him move in.

They spent that entire afternoon unpacking everything and arranging the furniture. Since he had the place all to himself, he let Maya know that she was welcomed any day. He also told her she was free to leave some of her stuff there with him and she was all too happy to hear him say that.

By the end of the night, they ordered pizza, ate, and fell asleep. They were exhausted from all the work they put into their new home and the second they closed their eyes, they drifted off to sleep.

Maya opened her eyes a few hours later in the early morning, wide awake. She tossed and turned, hoping it'd help her fall asleep, but she couldn't. She wasn't tired anymore.

Instead, she turned on her side, kissed Josh's forehead, and got out of bed. Switching locations and sitting on the balcony. The morning sky was beautiful and filled with different shades of blues and orange, the sun was peaking through it's New York buildings, lighting everything else. She often forgot what it was like to witness something as calming and refreshing as this and told herself to not miss out.

"Couldn't sleep?" a soft voice spoke from the distance, comforting her the second they left his tongue.

She turned to face him, Josh was wrapped in his blanket with touseled hair and droopy eyes. He was tired, she could tell, but he was just as handsome as ever. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Nah, it's all right. I'm a light sleeper," he sat beside her and gazed at the sunrise. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah, they look a lot better from up here."

He took a few seconds to admire the blue and gray billowy clouds in front of him. "Can't believe we're gonna be waking up to this."

"I can't believe it either," she answered him lightly, a smile curving the ends of her lips. "Who would've thought we'd basically be living together by now? It's so exciting."

He took her hand and kissed it. Kids their age weren't blessed with the opportunity to have a place for themselves and to spend it with their significant other. They've dated for so long that Maya's mother trusted Josh enough to let her spend the night at his place, she gave her daughter a lot of freedom and because of it, they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. "Even though it's only for the summer, I'm glad I get to spend it with you."

She smiled, faintly. Their time together hadn't been permanent for the longest time. She knew this was the current circumstance between them and she needed to accept, she was just grateful for the moments they got to spend together.

"Does it still make you sad?" Josh asked. "That we don't see each other for months."

Maya licked her lips, "Yeah, I think it always will. But I'm getting used to it. I just have to remind myself that we're doing what's best for the time being. And then in the future, when everything is back on track, we'll be happy again. Together this time. "

Josh agreed. He'd done the same. Especially when he missed her, he'd overwhelm himself with good memories to calm his anxiety. "I'm glad we have the kind of relationship where we can make this work. I don't think I would've lasted this long had I been dating anybody else."

"Me too." Her hand went to his cheek, "We're one in a million, no one can do it like we can."

After a few minutes of sitting around in their chairs, they had stood and leaned against the railing of their balcony, primarily to share the blanket. Josh's warmth was unlike anything Maya had ever felt, she preferred being hugged by him than any other person on the planet and it was simply because she loved him more than anyone. He was the love of her life and she was the love of his.

"When you think about everything we've been through, you start to realize that we've been through a lot of shit," she laughed and so did he, "Seriously though. Think about it. Long-distance, almost breaking up with each other, our old arguments, can't believe we made it out the tunnel."

"Well, we're technically not out yet, but yeah, we've been through a lot."

"Yet we make it work."

"Every goddamn time," he stated. "I love that about us."

She snuggled herself further into his embrace. She was sure Josh would be her only boyfriend at the rate things were going. They'd marry, start a family fresh out of college and grow old together. She was looking forward to it. "What do you want to do this summer now that we're together again?"

"Well, we gotta finish unpacking first, but then I want to go on a boat ride, I wanna go swimming, night out on the town. What about you?"

"Let's do it all," she suggested after she was unable to think of something. "We're young and dumb, let's do some reckless shit."

He laughed, "Like what?"

"...you wanna jump off a plane sometime?"

"You're crazy," Josh joked. "I'm not jumping out of a plane."

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be a wimp, we'd jump with the guide obviously. They'd tell us when to deploy, it's completely safe."

"It's completely not," he disagreed. "Why don't we go on a hot air balloon instead? I'd rather do that. It'll be fun."

She smiled, "That's not a bad idea."

"But, of course, we'd only do any of that after we finish moving in. And then in a few months, you'd help me move out and I'll be on my way to Colorado."

Her smile fell, but she was okay with it. She knew they'd come back to each other no matter what. "Let's make breakfast in the meantime. We're two hours ahead on schedule and I'm not really tired anymore. "What do you want?"

"Pancakes with banana...and with the cinnamon. You know how you sprinkle it into the - "

"Yeah, yeah," she laughed, guiding him inside. "Start on the juice. The oranges are on the counter..."

"Sounds like a plan."

_**ooo**_

A few weeks after their break up, Riley felt like she was ready to start dating again. She missed the excitement that came with starting over and she wanted to experience it one last time before she graduated.

She wasn't looking for anything serious, however. She just wanted to have fun. Her year-long relationship with Lucas was chaotic and exhausting and it had deprived her of everything euphoric. And now that they weren't together, she wanted to have fun more than anything.

It was a matter of finding the right guy this time.

And she knew she was going to do things differently this time. Even though she didn't want to be serious with a guy just yet, she knew she needed to be respected and appreciated. She wasn't going to tolerate another guy ruining her life.

And one day, as she stared at her favorite tree in the student lounge, something interesting happened to her.

She had developed this habit of hanging out in the student lounge during class long before then, but this time she felt like fate had stepped in. While Riley knew her extended bathroom break would lead to a crafty excuse, she couldn't help but admire the tree in front of her. Before meeting Lucas and being so attentive to her mental health, the brunette had always walked passed the tree without giving it a second glance, but now that she had the time and energy to focus on things in her life she hadn't before, she dedicated time to it.

The tree was beautiful in it's every detail. Every branch and every leaf looked like it had been crafted to its minimal detail and designed to be just that; beautiful. It almost looked like it belonged somewhere else, somewhere angelic and peaceful, somewhere ethereal.

She could see it from the bench just under it, it was beautiful and nobody would ever appreciate it as much as she had. Thanks to the peace and quiet, Riley had found the encounter therapeutic and relaxing - something she no longer took for granted. The tree was so beautiful she could feel the grandeur of nature itself.

But unfortunately for Riley, the feeling was cut short due to mumbling coming from the building's rooftop. Even from where she stood she could hear the footsteps moving quickly along the deck and she sighed for being ripped of a peaceful, introspective moment.

She allowed her gaze to make the journey up the building and towards the roof to see who it had been.

It was a guy leaning over the rails with his phone to his ear, talking and smiling.

He was tall with broad shoulders. His hair was brown and he carried himself in a way that let Riley know he didn't take anything seriously. Judging from his haircut alone she could tell that girls were easily impressed by him, his build let her know that he was athletic and possibly a douche, but she still found him captivating.

Just then his gaze trailed down to her. He stared hard like her secrets were written across her face and raised his hand to wave at her. She repeated the motion and headed back to her class.

_Who was that?_ She asked herself.

She learned a day later that his name was Max. He was a baseball player and he played the drums in the school's band. His best friend Jason had told her everything when she asked about him. Soon enough word spread that Riley Matthews had a little crush on Max Jensen throughout the guys. And soon enough, she received Max's text message.

It was a simple _hey _but it sufficed. They talked and got to know each other, Riley learned that he had been accepted into Cal Poly State and planned on studying History which completely surprised her. She learned that he had two younger sisters and a step dad, his mom was remarrying after a recent divorce and he loved them deeply. For the first time in a while, Riley was happy and confident in what she was doing. Talking to Max was different than talking to Lucas. She knew what she was doing, she knew she could say anything without starting an argument and it made her extremely happy.

They started hanging out at school and going out to lunch together, his favorite place was a hidden sandwich shop near Topanga's that she never knew existed. Since he was close with the owner, they always gave them a cheaper price on anything they ordered.

At school, he'd walk her to class and hug her goodbye, when they were on dates, they'd kiss by the lake near Central Park and play in the kids playground as if they were kids themselves. This continued for a week and a half until Lucas, who hadnt exactly left her alone since they broke up, noticed.

"Who's that guy you've been talking to?" Lucas asked one day at school. "The one you've been spending a lot of time with?"

"Why do you care?" She remarked. This hadn't been the first time they talked in person, but it had been the first time they talked in school post break up.

"I-" he tried to think of an excuse, but there wasn't one. "You know why." He played with the straps in his backpack, "I want to know if he's interested in you."

"No, actually I'm interested in him," Riley revealed. She said this primarily to hurt his feelings, she knew doing this would insinuate she had moved on; potentially hurting his feelings. "I think I might ask him out."

He scratched the back of his head, nervously. "This soon? You ended things a month ago -"

She chuckled, "Well, here's the thing, I waited until after we were broken up to start seeing other people. You didn't."

His face fell, Lucas never knew what to say whenever she brought that up. Instead of trying to elaborate on his point further, he gave her a slight nod and walked away. The thing was, Lucas didn't like the idea of Riley feeling like she could date anyone she saw fit. He knew he wasn't going to bite his tongue until it bled out and endure the consequences of their breakup. He was going to eliminate the chances of Riley ever getting over him.

Riley thought telling Lucas she was the one interested in Max would clear the air and settle things once and for all. She thought it'd ultimately and permanently end things between them, but it had done the complete opposite. She had set forth a chain of events she never expected to happen.

Like this one:

When Riley wasn't received by Max at the end of class, she went searching for him by his locker. He was stationed on the opposite end of the same hallway she was currently standing in and the trip was only seconds away.

Sure enough, he was standing there, his back facing her as he placed a few textbooks in his backpack. Even though she was only staring at his back, she was overwhelmed with joy and amazed by how cute he looked. He was wearing a red long sleeve with gray Nike shorts and white Vans, at the sight of seeing him, she could basically melt.

She wrapped her hands around his waist and waited till he turned around before she could hug him. They hadn't seen each other at all that day and she started to miss him.

"Hey, you," she greeted.

"Hey, Riley. What's up?" he smiled for a split second and slammed his locker shut.

"Lunch is next period and I wanted to see if you were still down to go to my mom's cafe? I already asked Katy to have the croissants ready so we'd just swing by and pick them up, free of charge, and we'd eat in my car. Sound like a plan?" He looked away like he had something to tell her, but couldn't at the moment. "What's wrong?"

"I..." he swallowed the lump in his throat, "Look, Riley, this was fun, hanging out and all, but I think we should back off each other. You're a great girl and..."

"Are you serious?" she questioned, stepping back from him. She couldn't believe that the first guy she had dated after Lucas was breaking up with her a week in.

"Riley, please don't be mad at me," he pleaded, his voice soft and tender.

"I just don't understand, I thought we were doing fine. What happened?"

He didn't say anything, he just looked away as if he wanted to be anywhere, but there.

"Was this Lucas?" she asked a little too forcefully.

"No," he was quick to dismiss the idea, but Riley was smart and hard to fool.

"That's bullshit! This was totally Lucas! What did he say? Did he hit you?!"

Max shook his head and gestured for her to lower her voice, "None of that happened, all right? "It's just that..." he took a deep breath, trying to collect the right words to explain himself, "You're Lucas' girl -"

"Ex," Riley corrected. "I'm his ex. We broke up."

"That's the thing... not exactly, not to us guys. He's not over you. He tells us guys to stay away and... well, you know what he can do if we don't listen."

Riley sighed in defeat. She didn't know what she was currently feeling, but it was a mixture of anger and sadness together. He'd done it again. Lucas had managed to ruin something in her life even though they weren't dating. She began to wonder if breaking up with him wasn't the exact escape she was searching for. "I guess I'll see you around."

He nodded and when she tried to walk away, he stopped her. His gaze kept searching the halls as if he was worried somebody would see him. "Riley, wait. You know I like you. It's just that... it's Lucas. he'll never let this go."

"I get it," she didn't, but she had to accept it either way. "I had fun on our date but that's as far as we'll go."

"I'm really sorry."

"Me too." She sighed. "Me too."

Lucas found himself on Riley's fire escape that night. There was an opening through the curtains in her window that allowed him to see directly onto the mirror in her vanity. He heard through a few of his friends that Max had ended things with Riley and he wanted to see how she was doing. Judging by the expressionless look on her face, Lucas figured she was unbothered by the whole thing.

As he started to realize what she was doing, he noticed that Riley was flipping through the pages in her book, it was five in the afternoon so she was most likely doing her homework.

Seeing her like this and realizing that he still knew her routine made his heartache. He wasn't completely over her and he wanted them to get back together. It's why he'd adopted this new habit of hanging out on her fire escape every other day; he wanted to see how she was doing.

After a few minutes of sitting around and watching her do nothing, Lucas felt the need to go inside. She had just been broken up with by a guy she liked and he thought this was the perfect opportunity to go inside and comfort her, maybe somewhere in the process, she'd realize that they were truly meant to be together and take him back.

It took him a while to convince himself of the idea, but he finally forced himself into doing it.

He pushed the window open and noticed he had startled her by the way she had turned around, "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I should've knocked."

"What are you doing here?" she forcefully whispered, looking back at her door. He assumed she had done that to make sure it had been closed, if her parents walked in and saw him inside, it would not end well.

"I - " once he was fully inside, he took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about the distinct smell in Riley's room that immediately made his day better. In this case, it made him sad because he'd most likely be kicked out soon. "I just want to talk."

"Talk?" she questioned. "We have nothing to talk about, Lucas. You're the reason Max and doesn't want to see me anymore. Why would I want to talk to you?"

"Because I miss you..."

She shook her head, "No, you don't. You can leave now."

"Riley, c'mon," he pleaded, "I did that because you were making a mistake. You shouldn't be with Max, you should be with me."

"You're delusional if you think you're making sense right now. Did you forget what you put me through?"

"I haven't and I'm sorry - "

"And even though you remember, you thought it was a good idea to scare Max into breaking up with me?" she questioned, agitated by him. At times she couldn't understand his logic and all it was good for was making her mad. Max had been the light at the end of her tunnel, she was on a road to something great and in a day Lucas came in and ruined it. "I think you should go."

"Riley..."

"Leave," she started heading for her window, but Lucas stopped her.

"Riley, I get it, I get it, you're mad at me but just hear me out, okay?"

She looked down at his grip on her hand and he quickly let go, raising his hands in surrender. "I just want to talk. Please."

There was something about the gesture and the look in his eyes that reminded her of the Lucas she truly knew. She was able to see the guy she met a year ago and she felt like he was worth listening to. "Okay, but you have one minute."

He took a deep breath, trying to gather his plea, "I know I fucked everything up, but if you give me a second chance, I promise you, I won't do what I did. I'll change everything for you." He stepped closer to her, looking her in the eyes, pleading as if his life depended on it. "You know I don't want to lose you. Even I'm not that stupid to mess everything up again." When he started to see that he was buying Riley completely, he decided to elaborate. "I'll be an open book from now on, I'll tell you everything you need to know, everything. I won't keep any secrets from you, you can go through my phone whenever you want I don't care. From now on I just want you back. You're more important to me than anyone else."

For the first time, Riley had heard everything she wanted to hear, but she still couldn't bring herself to trust him. Not after everything he'd done. "Why should I believe a word you're saying?"

"Because I know what it's like to lose you now. For real this time. And I hate every second that I'm not with you."

Riley stared into his eyes. The old version of herself would've taken him back immediately, she would've forgiven all of his mistakes and searched for the good in them; but the new her liked that a guy like Lucas was begging for her. She hadn't gone this far into focusing on herself and reshaping the values in her life to take Lucas back the second he claimed he'd be a better person this time around. She loved and respected herself too much to let that happen to her now. "You should leave. I won't be home for long anyway. The girls and I have a thing at Missy's place."

He sighed, "I guess that means you can't take me with you."

She shook her head no.

"Before I go," he began, his voice sounding defeated. "Just remember that I love you. You know where to find me." A huge part of him really thought he'd nailed his apology this time, for a second he could see Riley caving and willing to take him back. He supposed he'd have to keep trying. He wasn't gonna give up so easily.

"Wait," she called, "I have something for you." She sauntered towards the closet near her bed and pulled a large football jersey off her hanger. "I was planning on doing this later, but now that you're here I guess it's a good time." She bent down silently beside her bed and picked up a box with one hand, placing the jersey inside with the other. "I'm remodeling my room soon and I wanted to give you your stuff back."

He nodded.

She walked back into her closet to retrieve his other shirts and hoodies. Lucas often lent her a lot of his clothes that she had an entire section in her closet dedicated to them. She found it funny that all of his clothes swallowed her form, yet she owned most of them. "I also have the necklace you gave me, can you just..." she turned around and moved her hair over her shoulder so he could take it off.

He hesitated for a second, but the moment he touched her skin, something felt wrong. "No, I can't. Keep it. It's yours."

"Lucas, I can't keep this. You should give this to somebody who's gonna take good care of it and treasure it."

He sighed and took the necklace off of her. A few minutes later, Riley had added his watch, cologne, and his videogames into the box. "This is all. If I find anything else I'll give them to one of your friends or something to give to you."

Lucas stood there unable to process what was happening. She was boxing up everything he gave her and giving it all back to him. Everything about that moment felt so…final.

"Here," as she handed over the box, his hand swept over hers sending an undeniable chill up her arm and down her back. That was it, the final step. He had been romantically purged from her life. They really were just friends now.

There was an intimate story behind every item in the box. Stories that took him back to the better days in their relationship, nights where he'd secretly spend the night, times when they'd cuddle and he'd intentionally leave his clothes behind so he had a legitimate reason to return the next day other than admitting he wanted to see her.

Watching her collect everything and box it up to give back to him was like physically seeing Riley purge him out of her life, right in front of him.

"My parents can come in any minute, I think you should go." She said matter-of-factly.

He nodded in agreement, but couldn't will his feet to move. Once he climbed out that window he had no idea what would happen to them but he knew nothing would ever be the same.

"You should know that I really am sorry for what I did," he apologized. "I truly mean it."

She stared at him but looked away when she noticed his eyes had glistened, almost like he wanted to cry. "Get home safely," she uttered before closing the window on him and sliding the curtain all the way through.

_**ooo**_

**Two Months Later**

**May 19, 2021**

Riley paced her room picking up the discarded clothing. She hadn't exactly focused on the neatness of her room now that her senior year was coming to an end. Instead she focused on her school work while successfully balancing her social life.

On weekdays, she studied and completed her homework as needed and on weekends she was out all night with her girl friends. Now that Missy was the newest addition to the group, she snuck them in to all sorts of parties and places they were confident they weren't allowed to be in. In a lot of ways, Missy had made Riley's life thrilling and adventurous and she loved her for it.

Now that Riley and Lucas weren't together and Zay made it clear that at some point in the future they'd reconcile, she felt like the only thing she needed to focus on was having fun.

She couldn't count the times they got into trouble when Missy was around, but together they created memories Riley was sure she'd never forgot. Especially when they played such a huge role in each other's recovery.

She loved every second about partying with her friends, until she let them spend the night and they left their clothes for her to clean; which she was currently doing.

Half her room was just about done when she stepped on a jacket she knew wasn't hers. It was a size smaller which meant it was Missy's. Her hands went to her back pocket and she pulled out her phone, dialing the brunette.

"Hello?"

"Hey, girl, where you at?" she casually asked as she plopped down on her bed.

"Im _ah_," she groaned, "Im a little busy right now."

"Oh, well I just wanted to let you know that you left your jacket in my room. It's the denim one with the cute rhinestones on them."

"Oh, yeah," she spoke softly, "Yeah, I was looking for that. I'll..._uh_..._fuck_... I'll swing by and pick it up later."

"Okay, but when you do can you bring those mint chip cookies again? They were so good. I couldn't find them when I went to the store. What are they called again? Mimo-"

"Milano," she answered.

"That's the one. I went to the store the other day and I tried searching for them in the isle by the freezers, but they weren't there. You know the ones where they keep the grandma cookies and -"

"Yeah..._oh my God, fuck_," Missy whimpered from the other end of the call.

"Girl, what the hell?" Riley finally questioned, as she sat upright. "Are you okay? What the hell was that?"

"I just," she breathed, "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"Like what?" It didn't take long before she made the connection. Missy must've been groaning and whimpering for a reason, and she had now realized what that reason may be. "Missy, you nasty whore, who is he?" The brunette playfully bantered. "You know what, don't even tell me, we'll talk later when you swing by to pick up your jacket. And bring extra cookies I'm gonna want to hear all about it."

As soon as she ended the call, the window to her room opened and in came the blonde. Her hair was in a ponytail and she had a bubbling smile. "Guess you just came back from Josh's place," the brunette assumed.

"Yeah, he lives like five minutes away so I decided to visit. What'cha doin'?

"Cleaning. Here," she handed over a pair of jeans Maya had left there.

"That's where they went? Damn, I've been looking for these."

"They've been here this whole time," she informed, "Sitting on that chair right over there."

Maya turned to it, "Well, is there more? Now that I think about it, I've been missing some shirts lately."

Riley laughed, "You just want to steal some from me."

"C'mon, I'll return them this time."

"Fine. Have at it. Anyway, you're not gonna believe what just happened?"

"What?"

"I just got off the phone with Missy and while we were talking she kept groaning and making these weird noises, weird right?"

"Eh, it's Missy. What else can you expect...?"

"...and when I finally asked her about it, you want to know what it was?"

"What?" Maya asked, curiously.

"She was having sex."

She gasped, "No way. With who?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. She was kind of busy. She's gonna tell me all about it when she comes by to pick up her jacket. Who do you think it could be?"

"I don't know girl, I'm still trying to figure out why she answered your call in the first place if she's in the middle of something. That girl is weird."

"I think it's Jack," Riley suggested, "He's Max's friend, do you remember him? I saw them talking in the hallways the other day, I'm pretty sure they've been on a couple of dates."

"How is Max, by the way?" Maya asked as she settled for one of Riley's black halter tops. "You haven't spoken to him in months."

"Well, after he ended it, we thought we could be friends, but that didn't really last. And you know, Lucas and all? It just wasn't a good time."

"But you feel better, right? You're not sad about it anymore?"

Riley stopped what she was doing to stare at her concerned friend, "For the last time, I am doing fine. Lucas is long gone, we don't talk."

"Okay," Maya nodded, taking her word. "That's good. I'm proud of you."

"Now, come help me fold these shirts."

They finished cleaning Riley's room together and by the time they finished they waited out on the fire escape. By this point all Maya could bring herself to think about was her friendship with Riley. They had been inseparable since they were little and did everything they could together. Their friendship started strong and even with the newest additions they remained solid and confident in each other.

"What are you thinking about?" Riley asked the moment she noticed her friend was spacing out. She hadn't done this often which worried her.

"I don't know I guess I just started to realize how everything is going to change for us soon."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're graduating in like a week. Things are gonna be different once high school ends."

Riley hadn't thought of it, "I think of that at times too, normally when I'm alone and in bed. In a way it's kind of weird, don't you think? We've literally seen each other grow up and now that high school's ending we're gonna be adults."

"It's insane. I still feel like I'm fifteen."

"I feel like I'm twelve. I'm in no way mentally capable of taking care of myself."

"Oh, c'mon," Maya laughed, "You're more responsible than Missy and I that's for sure. And if _we_ can get by, you for sure can."

"I can't wait till we call each other asking for help because we don't know when to pay our bills." She took a seat next to her and laughed, "We'll never see some of our old classmates again. And then in like six years, we'll start finding out that so and so is pregnant and so and so just are engaged. You never really realize how much high school means to you until it comes to an end."

She wholeheartedly agreed with that statement. "I'm glad that we made the most of it when the time came. And I'm really proud of you for ending things with Lucas. I still can't believe I didn't know how bad things were."

"Oh," Riley scoffed, "Maya, you know better than to blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one that kept it a secret from almost everybody, I didn't want anyone to know."

"I know that, but as your friend - "

"As my friend, you're supposed to be there for me when I need you and you were. You helped me every step of the way, don't tell me you forgot."

"I didn't - "

"Then don't beat yourself up for it. Instead of worrying about that think of how you stepped in and made me feel better. You, Missy, and Isadora were there for me every day. I cried on your shoulder like dozens of times and who was the first one to make me smile when we broke up? Who was it? I know you remember?"

"It was me," she sheepishly smiled, running a strand of hair behind her ear.

"And who is my best friend in the entire world who knows all of my deepest secrets...?"

"That would be me again," Maya repeated in the same voice as last time. She leaned her head on her friend and smiled, "You know I'll never forget the day we met. We were in ballet together and this random girl just started talking to me and who would've thought she'd turn out to be my best friend?"

"Oh, so I'm the random brunette?" Riley asked, a smile from ear to ear.

"What about the sloppy blonde?"

"Oh, sloppy?" Maya questioned, slightly, but playfully offended. "My technique was way better than yours."

"That sounds like a challenge?"

"Damn, right. Get up," she instructed. "Plie on three, ready? 1, 2, 3...pose."

They posed, but instead of bending her legs, Riley had struck another pose, mistaking the plie for something else. "Oh, maybe you're right."

Maya laughed, "What the hell was that? Riley, you did a pirouette. Girl, I should've known. You're the sloppy one, that was messy." They sat back down and laughed uncontrollably. "Don't you remember, Ms. Blanchet, telling you to learn the poses? Did you even?"

"I didn't," she said in between her laugh. "That's why I quit when you stopped going."

"That's right, I remember now. Oh my God," she sighed, admiring her best friend, "I'm really gonna miss this."

Riley turned to her as soon as the words rolled off the blonde's tongue, "What? What are you talking about?"

Her smile fell and her lips flatlined, "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" She was caught off guard by the sudden seriousness in her friends tone, what was once laughter and joy had been replaced with silence and intensity. "Did something bad happen?"

"I...um...I'm going to school out of state next year," she informed. She didn't know how to reveal this information in a lighthearted way, but the words alone felt like a goodbye.

She stared at her for a second, thinking she was joking, but she wasn't. She was serious. "You are?"

Maya nodded, "I am. I applied back in October and they accepted me in March. I couldn't bring myself to tell you, but at the time I was convinced I was going to NYU, but just recently I changed my mind."

Riley wished she knew what to say, but the truth was she didn't. All she could bring herself to think about was that, at some point, they'd have to say goodbye to each other. "When do you leave?"

"End of summer."

"Oh," she looked out into the city. "Okay, well we still have time, right?"

"Three months."

The silence between them lengthened and Maya wished she could make this moment promising and fulfilling. She wished she could make this moment exciting, but she couldn't. They'd inevitably have to say goodbye and the both were struggling to forget about that.

"I'm sorry, I just...I wasn't expecting this," Riley revealed.

"Are you mad?"

She turned to her best friend, "Of course not. I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"I am," she confirmed. "You're following your heart and I could never be mad at you for that."

The two shared a long-lasting hug. It was as though they were saying goodbye then and there. She hugged her tightly and lovingly, Maya had always been there. Through thick and thin, the blonde remained by her side and loved her unconditionally, just like a best friend would. They were there for each other's darkest times and helped each other overcome any obstacle.

Riley helped Maya through her parent's divorce and Maya helped Riley get over her toxic boyfriend. They were saddened they would need to spend some time apart.

"But we're gonna talk every day, right?" she asked, "We're doing long-distance friendship and you can't cheat on me."

"Trust me, I won't," Maya joked, "You have my heart."

They hugged and stared out into the city, a city that Riley once thought was her kingdom. "I'm gonna miss you. Where did you say you were going again?"

Maya smiled, "I'm going to..."

_**ooo**_

**in two months you replaced us,**

**like it was easy, made me think I deserved it,**

**in the thick of healing**

The next day at school, Riley Matthews waited by her locker for her friends. Her back was pressed against the wall while she stared at her phone, waiting for a response that would soon guarantee their arrival.

She should've known they'd take a while to respond, that was expected, but she stuck around waiting for either of them to show. Her gaze casually went to the students around her, they were huddled in groups talking about graduation and the end of the year trip. A trip Riley couldn't wait to go on and have fun with her friends. Then they'd graduate together a few days later and have the entire summer to hang out.

They'd do all sorts of things like go swimming and dancing, road trips and movies, and so much more. Then college would come around, Maya would move out, they'd be busy with their schedules but they'd hang out any chance they could and talk all day.

A familiar voice called out from in front of her and when she looked up, she was glad to see her friends. "What took so long?"

"Sorry, my phone fell in between my seat and we struggled to get it out," Isadora informed, "My nails were too long and my hand could barely fit through the crack so we had to move the seat and then we didn't know how to put it back."

"You know for someone as smart as you, you'd think you'd know how to fix something as simple as that, but no," Maya playfully taunted. "You didn't."

"Haha, very funny," Isadora said sarcastically. "I had to call Farkle, he ended up fixing it."

"Oh," she cooed, "Farkle. How is that working out for you two?"

Isadora blushed, "It's going great. Ever since we decided to get back together things have been going a lot smoother. He wants me to work alongside him at Minkus International for the summer before we head off to college together. So we'll be spending a lot of time together and my parents can't suspect anything because he'd be a coworker."

"That's brilliant," Riley congratulated. "She just outsmarted her parents."

"Maybe she is smart," Maya joked.

"We should hurry before we're late to class. Do you have everything?"

"Yeah," Riley nodded. "Yeah, let's just wait for Missy. She should be here soon."

"Is that the jacket she was supposed to pick up yesterday?" Maya asked, pointing to it.

"Yeah, she didn't show," she ran a hand through her hair and stared at the entrance, "Has she been answering any of your guys' calls? 'Cause she hasn't been answering mine."

"I haven't called her, but she still hasn't texted me back," Isadora answered.

"Yeah, same with me. It's not like the girl's busy. Why?"

"That's so unlike her," Riley said. The Missy she knew would've never lasted this long without calling or texting them back. "Let me call her, maybe she's sick or something."

As her hand trailed to the phone in her pockets, Maya turned around just in time to see Lucas walk in. Even from afar, Maya was disgusted by the sight in front of her. "Look, it's your bitchass ex."

Riley turned to look at him. His blonde hair was combed to the side, his smile was just as bright, and he was wearing a shirt he normally wore when they were together. Despite trying so hard to avoid him and be near him, Riley couldn't help but notice how familiar he was. It didn't matter that they weren't together and she was trying to move on, she still knew him and she couldn't forget a year and a half relationship in less than two months

And just then, her face fell.

It wasn't Lucas, it wasn't the smile on his lips or the way their eyes locked, but the girl that was walking beside him. Her hands were laced with his as she walked down the hall without a care in the world, seeming to enjoy the attention she was currently under.

She looked at Riley and smirked. And then a second later, she turned and pecked Lucas' cheek, staking her claim on the blonde.

Riley, stunned by everything, could only stare. She looked like a deer in headlights and she wasn't sure she could process the sight in front of her. Even though her friends could confirm everything she had just seen, a part of her was still having trouble believing it. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"No way," Maya added.

"You gotta be kidding me," said Isadora as she watched the pair round the hall. Soon as they were gone, she turned to her two friends and spoke, "Did that really just happen?"

Suddenly, Riley could see that everybody's gaze had moved from Lucas to her. She tried to act unbothered, but it was no use. She wanted to cry and she wasn't gonna let the rest of her classmates see.

She walked towards the bathroom and as soon as she was inside, she let the tears out. She wanted to scream and curse, but instead, she hugged herself and crouched, unable to hold back all the pain she had felt in the past month. Isadora and Maya followed shortly after and comforted her. They missed half their first period, but they didn't care. What did it matter anyway? They were already graduating soon.

"Yesterday when I called her, she was...she was having sex with a guy," Riley began, talking about the events that happened the day before. "I just...I didn't know that guy was Lucas."

Isadora sighed, "Riley, I'm so sorry she did this to you. We had no clue, had we known we would've done something."

"Yeah, Riley. That was so fucked up of her."

She sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I feel so stupid right now."

The simple fact that she was having a conversation with her friend while she hooked up with her ex broke her to pieces and she wished she could forget that ever happened. She helped Missy during a hard time in her life and she turned around and starting dating her ex. After everything, they went through she never thought that would be the biggest betrayal she'd ever experience.

There was no warning, no apology, no talk, nothing. Missy went ahead and did it. And as Riley felt the pain of it all, she started to realize that this had been Missy's plan all along. She never stopped liking Lucas, she always expressed a great interest when she spoke about Lucas and the things he would do when they were together. She felt foolish for never catching onto it.

"I was there for her when she needed it. I helped her because I saw that she needed it. I told her things she didn't deserve to know," Riley cried. "I honestly thought she was my friend. I'm so stupid."

"Hey," Maya called out. "No you're not. You have a big heart and you helped someone who didn't deserve it. Don't ever blame yourself. It's not your fault. C'mon, let's get you home. We'll talk about everything there," Maya instructed as she helped her friend up.

"Yeah. That's a good idea," Isadora encouraged.

Riley got up from her feet and headed for the bathroom door, the two of them following suit. When she opened the door to the bathroom, Riley turned to the trash can beside her and threw Missy's jacket inside of it.

Riley had learned a lot during her healing process. Breaking up with Lucas taught her that she wasn't going to allow herself to be mistreated again, Missy taught her that it was okay to cut people out of her life, she just never expected Missy would be one of them.

When she walked out of the bathroom that morning, Riley felt betrayed, but the underlining feeling was independence. She felt like this needed to happen, even though it hurt her deeply.

And it reminded her of the conversation she and Lucas had two nights before.

_Tap!_

_Tap!_

_Tap!_

_Riley cautiously glanced at her baywindow after hearing multiple pecks. She turned to the clock on her bed stand and groaned, it was 11:34pm._

_She wasn't expecting anybody._

_As she swung her legs out of bed and began to approach the window, she stopped in her tracks when she found a pair of green eyes staring back at her, smiling lamely._

_Her expression dropped when she realized it was Lucas. She must've stared at him for a few moments, debating whether she should get closer or avoid him._

_When he saw that she had started heading back to her bed, he tapped on her window once again. "Please," he begged. "I just want to talk."_

_She tiptoed quietly to the window, occasionally glancing back at the closed bedroom to make sure her father didn't burst through. His eyes never left hers as she unlocked the window and pulled the frame up, but refused him access to her room._

_"What are you doing here?" she asked him, "We've already talked about this."_

_She couldn't maintain her distance and carry on with herself if he was constantly sneaking into her room to talk to her._

_His eyes tore from hers as he looked down at the seat, dejectedly. "I just really need to see you right now."_

_She stared at him for a few seconds, she could tell he had been crying and she didn't have the heart to send him home. She still cared about him and she wasn't going to be mean. Nodding, she stepped back and granted him access._

_Instantly the smell of her room brought back many memories for Lucas. His mind specifically went to the time they cuddled on her bed and laughed together. He loved everything about that day, he was just sad they'd never get to relive it._

_"What is it?" she asked him._

_He lazily sat down on her window seat, taking a long and deep breath. "I missed you."_

_She looked away for a second. She didn't even know why she asked, by this point it was expected. It was all he ever said when he showed up to her room._

_"I know it's late. I just...I couldn't sleep. Can we talk?"_

_She knew they shouldn't be talking._

_Everybody around them was doing everything they could to keep them apart. And even though they were on constant surveillance, nobody knew that the only time Riley and Lucas saw each other was late at night._

_She looked at his pleading eyes once again and nodded, "Okay. Scoot over."_

_"Yes," he silently cheered as she sat beside him. He took off his jacket and set it down on her ottoman before grabbing the blanket she always kept on her chair. "Here," he said as he spread it over their legs so that they were both warm._

_"Why weren't you asleep?" he curiously asked, hoping to start a conversation. "...passed your bedtime."_

_"I don't know. It's just one of those nights I guess."_

_"Guess so," he agreed, his emerald green eyes observing their surroundings, "You've been remodeling, haven't you?"_

_She nodded. They could see her entire room from where they sat._

_Lucas occasionally glanced to the wall by her vanity. She had dedicated that entire wall to photos and polaroids of just them, at some point there were over seventy pictures of them. He didn't know how much he valued them until they were gone and replaced with pictures of her friends._

_He sighed and looked at everything in her room. It wasn't home; well in fact it felt like it was, but only for that night anyway. Looking back he realised that he really missed Riley's companionship. Sure, when they were together they were terrible to each other, but when they were friends, it was like none of that happened. It was incredible to him how she was willing to forgive a year of constant arguing to make him feel happy for one night. "Sometimes I forget that your room has one of the best views of New York."_

_"You kind of get used to it when you wake up to it everyday of your life," she informed, playing with the sleeves of her pajamas. "You know when I was little I would act like my apartment was my castle and New York was my kingdom."_

_He chuckled, "That sounds like something little Riley would do."_

_She nudged his shoulder, playfully. "Little Riley also ripped apart little Missy's barbie in preschool. So watch out, she's got a dark side."_

_"You and Missy, huh?" he said, drawing attention to their newfound friendship "When did that happen?"_

_"Few days before we broke up," she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to mention their break up, but she didn't know how to give him a clear timeline without bringing it up._

_"Is she different from what you thought she was like?"_

_She nodded, "She's really sweet and she's funny."_

_City lights danced in swirls and circles on her bedroom wall as they shone in from her baywindow. It was late at night and all they could bring themselves to do was watch the lights dance in synchronization._

_They were always mesmerized by them._

_"Well, when I was younger I wanted to move to Texas," he revealed, "I had some cool family down there and I begged my parents, days and days on end to let me move there. 'Mommy, please, I'll clean the mess in my room' I would say. 'I'll tell you where Austin hid the China plates he said he didn't break.'"_

_Riley laughed._

_"They said no, of course, but a part of me never stopped wanting to move there," he turned to her, seeing her smile made it easier to look at her in the eyes without feeling guilty about the things he'd done to her. "Until I did."_

_"What changed?"_

_"I fell in love with you. And you changed my whole world."_

_She turned to him, started by his words. He never told her this._

_"God, you made everything so much better for me. And I mean it, Riley. Everything. It's like a part of me always knew I was in love with you before I could realize it. You were so full of life and unlike any girl I had ever dated. I knew I would never find somebody like you in Texas. You blew me away."_

_His eyes landed on her and Riley didn't know what to say. When he realized she wasn't going to say anything, he awkwardly laughed and changed the subject. "The grey's a really nice color by the way. Really makes the room...pop."_

_"Yeah," she agreed, moving a few strands of hair from her face. "I guess I should mention I almost considered painting my room black."_

_"No, you didn't," he said in disbelief and turned his body over to hers, preparing himself for a very long and detailed story. "That does not sound like Riley Matthews. You'd never go black on anything, it scares you."_

_She grinned, "I know, I know. But I was experiencing a moderate to severe case of goth. Look it up," she joked, "It exists and I went undiagnosed. My parents bought the paint and everything, but before they could actually bring the paint to my wall, I stopped them. 'Let's take it down a little' I suggested. 'Why not a really light gray?' They were upset, but not because I changed my mind so late, but because they had already bought the paint. My mom wanted me to go through with it so I could learn my lesson, but my dad calmed her down. And voila, my light grey room."_

_He laughed. "You made the right choice."_

_"Okay, so you know how every child reaches the age in which they realize that they're gonna die at some point?" Riley began at three in the morning. She turned to Lucas who was propped up on the couch in front of her, staring at her._

_"That's a little dark, don't you think?"_

_"That's not my point, what I'm trying to say is that everybody goes through it. They go through that sudden realization that death is inevitable and that it happens to everybody. What we don't think about is that we make that conclusion twice in our lives. We do it when we're children and then we do it when we're old...and gray."_

_"Holy shit," he sat up to face her, "That's so true."_

_"And you think about it at two completely different times in your life. Once when you're at the start of it, and twice when you're reaching the end of it."_

_He glanced at her understandingly, "Should I be worried? I would've never in my life thought you'd think these things."_

_"You don't need to worry, it's just...late night thoughts," she admitted, before tugging at the blanket he accidentally pulled from her leg._

_"My bad," he jokingly apologized, taking notice of the gesture._

_"What do you think about people who put ketchup in their eggs," Riley asked at four in the morning. By this point they had talked about everything they could think about, anything from colors to conspiracies, celebrities to influencers, puzzles to crosswords and social media to living in the moment. They were running out of topics and neither of them were tired, they were wide awake and full of energy._

_"Psychopaths," Lucas answered._

_The brunette gasped, taking offense to his remark, "Hey, I put ketchup on my eggs."_

_"My point exactly," he joked, blocking the throw pillow she hurled at him._

_"Okay, what do you think about guys who can't properly pee into a toilet? What about that?"_

_He dropped his head, a smile curving the corners of his lips. "That was one time, Riley."_

_"Don't care," she playfully dismissed, tossing her hair back and forth as if it made her point any clearer. "Here's what I think, I think they're a little disruptive?"_

_"Dis-what? How am I disruptive?"_

_She chuckled, "Don't even get me started. As a matter of fact I can list about 5 to 10 right here, right now."_

_"Okay, okay, my turn. What do you think about people who post 'don't hmu' on their Snapchat with an angry emoji on the caption?"_

_She scoffed, she knew quite a few people who did that. "Cringey. Okay. I cringe everytime I see it. All the time."_

_"What about people who put milk in their bowl before their cereal?"_

_"See, those are psychopaths," Riley claimed. " Like that behavior is so unmatched and...weird. I'm glad I don't know anybody that does that."_

_Lucas laughed, he knew her passion for these types of questions and he enjoyed hearing her every time. "What about Ted Bundy?"_

_"What?" she questioned, abruptly turning in his direction. "See now you're just playin'. What do you mean 'what do I think about him?' he's crazy. He was an actual psychopath though."_

_"That's why I asked."_

_Riley smiled once again. She was glad they were talking like nothing happened between them, it reminded her of the fun they had when they weren't arguing or trying to hurt each other's feelings. Aside from that, they always knew how to establish a connection with each other and that's why it was so easy for her to fall in love with him. He was easy to talk to and sitting there beside him only proved it._

_"Can I ask a weird, hypothetical question?" she inquired, placing the blanket they were sharing over her shoulders._

_"Ask away."_

_"How different do you think things would've been between us if were weren't so terrible to each other?"_

_He let out a long sigh, "Extremely different. Extremely."_

_Had everything been different between them, Lucas and Riley would've been close enough to travel far together. Their parents would be so trusting of them that they'd be allowed to do anything they wanted, they'd also be healthy enough to respect each other's struggles and understandingly give each other space and time if needed. Lucas wouldn't be so jealous and Riley wouldn't be on her daily mission to hurt his feelings._

_They would be happier together, they'd feed off of each other's positive energy and love each other enough to not be so cruel. Lucas would let go of his bad habits and become a better person and Riley would be the same positive and optimistic girl he met. He didn't know how much he wanted that until he started thinking about it._

_"We'd probably be going to prom together," he joked._

_"We'd probably be married is what I think," she answered. If they continued to date and love each other despite everything they had been through and everything they had put each other through, then a relationship in which they were healthy toward one another would've worked wonders. They'd be so in love and so infatuated that she was certain Lucas would've popped the question and Riley would've said yes._

_Lucas turned to her, "For sure."_

_She laughed and thought about the alternative, "It's crazy how things like that work. Decisions. Every decision we make can change any possiblity, any. Have you heard of the butterfly effect?"_

_The blonde shook his head no._

_"Well, it's basically a theory that something so small can create a significantly different outcome. Kind of like a tornado being influenced by a butterfly flapping its wings at the right moment a few weeks earlier- "_

_"That's crazy - "_

_"So in retrospect," she continued, finding his interest in her lesson adorable. "One small decision at the beginning of our relationship could've changed everything."_

_He leaned against her window taking in the information he had learned. "Here's what I think: if our relationship hadn't fallen apart and nothing went to shit the way it did, I like to assume we'd be a lot happier. We'd be so trusting of each other that we'd never get angry or say stupid things to try and get a reaction. My life now is better because of you, I'm a better person because of you even if we argued at the end of the day. You changed something in me I thought no girl ever could, if we weren't so mad at each other back then I guarantee you I would've asked you to marry me. I would've given you a promise ring at the very least. I talk to my folks back home because you fixed my relationship with them without even knowing, I told my parents how I truly feel because of you and that..." he sighed, thinking back to it, "even though it went south at the time, it changed the way things are now. And that," his voice trembled, "I'll always love you for that."_

_She wiped the tear trailing down his cheek and smiled, "So we can confirm that we would've been engaged by now...?"_

_"Yes," he smiled. "We would. I'd also be doing good in school..."_

_"My parents wouldn't be so disappointed with me..."_

_"Zay and Charlie would still be my friends..."_

_"Zuri, Victoria, Emilia and any other girl wouldn't be in the picture..."_

_"Some of my biggest regrets," he acknowledged, "I'm sorry by the way."_

_There was a time even hearing their names would send her down a dark hole. She'd fixate on them and compare herself to them and wished she was more like them because even the guy she was in love with craved their touch at some point. They were perfect to her. But now, now that the wave of insecurity had passed, she realized that comparing herself to them wasn't doing anything. Instead she needed to focus on herself. And the moment she did, everything changed. It was like her brain built a fortress around her heart, shielding her from anything dangerous heading its way. She used to cry hearing their names and now she had the strength to say them. "In the future we would've moved out by twenty four; I would've taken a couple of paid internships at my mom's law firm and you'd be starting work at an animal clinic. With the money we made we would've bought an apartment, married a year later, I'd be pregnant by twenty six or twenty seven, welcomed our first girl - no, boy, welcomed our first boy and then two years later our first girl. And then, if we're down, had our third and final child."_

_"All the while vacationing all around the world. Our honeymoon would've been in Italy, nextstop Paris, Carribean, Hawaii, and you would've chosen the rest."_

_"Bora Bora," she suggested. "I heard it's really pretty there. Plus, the beaches there are super pretty."_

_"Oh, and Disneyland, once a year."_

_"No, that's too soon," Riley disagreed. "Once every three years, otherwise the kids would start to feel like it's normal and they'd feel entitled."_

_"So you're already poking fun at our kids?" he asked, jokingly offended._

_"Our oldest would be just like you and you know how you are," she added, defending her previous statement. She loved that they were having talks like these._

_"And our girl would be just like you, sassy and bossy."_

_"Oh shut up, you'd love it. She'd be a daddy's girl."_

_"Of course," he confirmed, picturing his little girl on his shoulders, "She'd be my princess."_

_"And our boy would be my prince. He'd be a momma's boy," when she turned to look at him, she noticed that his eyes were already on her, "What are their names anyway? We'd have to call them something."_

_"Aiden and Paige," Lucas answered, the name flowing naturally out of his tongue._

_"I like it," she revealed. "Aiden and Paige. Cute."_

_"What about our potential third child? C'mon, Riley, these are our children we gotta think about."_

_"Right, your right," she playfully scratched her head, "If he's a boy: Theodore. Theo for short. If she's a girl: Eleanor. Ellie or Nellie for short."_

_There was something about hearing those names that almost made Lucas cry. Possibly because they were talking about a reality that would never exist. "It's perfect."_

_"Aiden would probably be a lacrosse player just like his dad, although he also strikes me as the baseball type. Paige would be a straight A student and a cheerleader. And Theodore, may or may not be a trouble maker. Nellie, on the other hand, strikes me as a party girl, what do you think?"_

_"I think our youngest is gonna give us the most trouble."_

_She laughed, "Damn, can you imagine? A mother of three. Who would've thought?"_

_"Your husband," Lucas suggested. "So, about our wedding? Indoor our outdoor?"_

_"Hmmm," she thought, "Realistically speaking, indoor, but if I had courage, outside. On a warm day in September."_

_"Sounds nice. I like it."_

_"Can I?" Riley asked, gesturing towards his lap; asking if she could lay down. "I can't stand this window, it's hurting my neck."_

_"Uh, yeah, yeah, go ahead."_

_Riley carefully moved so the blanket wouldn't fall off and rested her head on his lap, looking up at him. Lucas had always been a handsome guy, perhaps the best looking guy she'd ever meet, it's a shame they'd never date again. "Don't get ahead of yourself, I'm tired."_

_He chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just lay your big ass head on my lap."_

_"Asshole," she laughed. She mainly laughed because his little insult was funny._

_"You know I always thought we were destined to end up together?" he revealed, "Yeah, I did. I mean ever since we were kids it was obvious we liked each other. Even our friends tried to force us to date. My friends would always say, 'hit up Riley' whenever I was single and I never did because I was nervous as hell. You're the first girl I ever had feelings for, hell you're probably the only one. And when I did and we started dating and I fell in love, I just knew. I'm gonna marry her. She's gonna have my kids."_

_"I thought so too." She added._

_A few hours passed and Lucas noticed he hadn't asked her for the time in a while, "What time is it anyway?"_

_Riley turned to her phone, "Oh my God, it's six in the morning?"_

_"Already?" he asked, lifting his hat from his eyes. "I swear it felt like we've only been talking for half an hour."_

_By this point, they were both laying down on her bed, staring at the ceiling and admiring the city lights. "It honestly did."_

_"I should probably get going," he revealed, "Your parents will be up any minute now."_

_She nodded before standing up and walking over to her window, pulling the curtains apart. Immediately the sight of the sun starting to peak it's way through the spaces in between the buildings ahead greeted her. "It's so beautiful."_

_He started picking up his things, but stopped to admire the view, "Like a painting."_

_She turned around to face him, "It's fine, you don't need to. I got it."_

_He set the blanket back down on the chair and gulped. Normally he'd give her a kiss before heading out, but he couldn't do that anymore. They weren't dating, they were...to be honest he didn't know what they were. But he was glad that she still gave him a chance when he needed it._

_He bore a heartbreaking sad smile that held their beautiful past in broken pieces. "Bye, Riley."_

_"Goodbye, Lucas."_

_In a way that goodbye was unlike any regular goodbye. It was a knowingly goodbye - as if it were going to be their last. And little did Riley Matthews know that that conversation would be their last._

_**ooo**_

_**September 2021 **_

The day had finally come.

Maya Hart was attending the University of Colorado Denver for freshman orientation. She'd be visiting the campus, receiving her scheduled classes, and familiarizing herself with dorm life. It'd been something she was looking forward to the entire summer and that day had arrived.

Her travel consisted of looking out her window and staring out into the clouds, ready for the next journey her life entailed.

She hoped it would all go smooth and everything would be worth it, but despite all that hope and positivity, she faced a little uncertainty.

After checking in, she began to move things into her new room. Instantly, she knew where to place her things and how she wanted her room to look. She covered her mattress in silk sheets and a nice white comforter, hung pieces of her art on the wall, covered her window with gray curtains, and lit a candle so the room could smell nice. Her roommate had yet to arrive so she had the room to herself.

Soon after she had a meeting with her academic advisor to schedule her classes for the fall. The start of school was only forty-eight days away and she needed to know where her classes were located before they began.

They talked for over an hour and he laid out an eight-semester degree plan and discussed the classes that were a better suit for her major. By the end of the meeting, Maya walked out and headed towards the common area of the university.

There were tents laid out advertising their great clubs and sororities, people were running around spraying each other with water guns and balloons while some played music, and others talked in front of a crowd. Maya realized this was a perfect opportunity to find her group of friends, to find a Riley to hang out with, even though she couldn't replace her.

"Hey, do you need help?" a voice called out to her, "You look a little lost."

A smile framed the end of her lips as she turned around to see a pair of familiar brown eyes staring back at her. "I do, how'd you know?"

"Oh, well, you look like a freshie," Josh taunted, taking a step closer towards the blonde, "I guess I don't need to go back to New York to see you anymore."

"Guess not."

Being able to touch her, and see her, and know that their time together was permanent, felt like the biggest blessing Josh could ever ask for. He leaned in close and kissed her lips, "I'm so happy you're here. I can't believe you did this."

"I wanted to be with you."

He kissed her again, "This is amazing," he cheered, picking her up and twirling her. "Okay, where do you want to start?" he asked excitedly, "I can show you around? Wherever you wanna go we can go. I don't mind. There are great cafes here, you'll love them."

She smiled and reached for his hand, "Okay. Let's go find one and talk. You have a lot to teach me."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I like that."

Josh and Maya had spent a year apart, only being able to see each other for a few weeks at a time. But despite it all, their love for each other prevailed no matter the obstacle or the argument. They loved each other through thick and thin and on better days.

They were the kind of love Riley and Lucas were unable to fulfill. They settled their arguments and loved each other enough to respect each other. They hated hurting each other and instead chose a healthier option.

Their love ran deep and it continued to do so unconditionally.

**_ooo_**

**And now the chapter is closed and done**

**And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us**

Riley Matthews stood in front of the Washington Square Arch eyeing its intricate details. The iconography on the white marble centered on images of war and peace that reminded her of her challenges.

At just eighteen years old, Riley experienced more in a year than she had in a lifetime. She battled the highs and lows of a toxic love that shaped her to be the independent and carefree young woman she was today. She was no longer the girl that let herself be mistreated and emotionally abused by a boy she was once willing to give everything for.

That girl was long gone.

Lucas Friar was singlehandedly the biggest obstacle Riley's ever had to overcome. He was the biggest test in her life and surviving the heartbreak he left behind was something she admired herself for today. Everything in her life started to make sense the second he was gone and she wished she had realized it sooner.

Dating him was a one-way ticket to an endless spiral of depression and now that she had made it out alive, the storm had passed, the sky was blue and the grass was green again. She could finally breathe and walk the path she paved without anything dragging her away.

The imitation of the Roman Triumphal Arch was built throughout Rome hundreds of years ago to celebrate a victory or event. To Riley, her victory was cutting someone out of her life who was no longer good for her.

Someone who was slowly poisoning and suffocating her.

Hundreds of people passed her by as she fixated on her growth, but one thing remained constant; herself. She was certain the direction she was heading was crucial to her career path and her personal growth.

NYU to most people, offered a new beginning, a place where she could get away from all the negativity she had once experienced. It was a place in which she could find herself again and grow.

Riley once used to feel like she was a passenger in a car that was headed for a bumpy road and every time she looked out the window she was watching her life fall apart. She felt as though the driver had taken over and wanted to see her crash. These were the days she was dating Lucas and crying herself to sleep because her life was so messed up when he was around.

But now that he was gone, she had regained control. She was still driving down a road with twists and turns, but for the most part, it was smooth and easy to drive.

At times she'd get out the car and walk the path herself; taking things slow and at her own pace.

And when she did walk it, she'd walk with an air of superiority, eyeing her surroundings and the people who passed her by. She was now able to take in the things around her and breathe for a second, regaining her emotions and appreciating the little things in her life. Things she had missed and ignored because she was busy focusing on Lucas and prioritizing his needs.

She stood in front of her home building taking in the life she was about to begin. The building was big and students constantly walked in and out of it, knowing where to go and what to do. As she stood there watching them, she didn't know what college-life would entail, but she couldn't wait to blend in with them. She couldn't wait to have that much control and certainty in her life as a college student.

In a week from now, she would be settled in and potentially made a new friend, she'd have someone to talk to and when the time was right and they were ready to know each other, Riley would tell her story.

But until then, her smile married her otherwise pretty features as she neared the building excitedly.

As if she was free for the very first time.

**The End **

_**oOoOoOoOo**_

**A/N: That concludes Lose You to Love Me. Thank you to everybody who read, reviewed, and supported. It means a lot to me and I hope that you guys can walk away from this story knowing more about toxic relationships than you did walking in. This seven-month-long journey is one I am extremely proud of and I feel like I can breathe now. I hope you're happy with the ending and I hope that last-minute twist caught you off guard. Missy's betrayal was the reason I wanted them to be friends in the first place. I wanted you guys to be upset and angry at what she would do. Deep down, Missy is just like her mother. All that psychological abuse shaped her to be the young woman she is and I hope humanizing her character helped you understand why she did that. She never stopped liking Lucas and being Riley's friend was all part of her plan. So... there you have it. Every character got their happy ending, well...some of them did. Whether or not Lucas is happy is up to you guys to decide, but you guys are smart I feel like you guys already know the answer. ;). I kind of left it on an open ending, in a way the ending can be seen as a beginning, a new chapter in Riley's life. Let me know your theories and how you think Riley's life would be different now. I'm excited to read what you guys think. ****I can't help but feel attached to this side of Riley I created, I guess it's because I emphasized her growth and her journey on a level I never did with the other stories I created. Same with Lucas' character as well. Anyway, if you are in a toxic relationship or know someone who is, please, please, help them. Or seek help yourself if you are. Talk to a trusted adult, you are NOT alone. **

**A few weeks back I mentioned that this was my last story on FanFiction. I've been on this platform for four years and written four stories for GMW and althou****gh I loved the experience, I feel like it's time to move on. I want to create and write other projects on a different platform; stories that aren't about GMW. I hope that everything I created helped you guys learn something and fall in love with creativity the way I did. Thank you guys so much for giving me the motivation and courage to write. Thank you for reading, reviewing, and supporting. It meant a lot.**

**You can continue to follow me on Wattpad. My username is inherelement. Check me out, talk to me. **

**So, with that being said, for the last time on this journey: **

**Follow, Favorite, and Review**

**Bye. **


End file.
